


Something Worth Blackmailing

by NeoDiji



Series: Blackmail [1]
Category: Code Geass
Genre: 17 Thus Technically Underage, ALL THE GOOD THINGS -- Except for the Not-So-Good Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst, Bullying, Come play, Depression, Developing Relationship, Dirty Talk, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, It starts off fluffy and gets angsty, Kinks, M/M, Massage, Masturbation, Mental Health Issues, NSFW, Oral Sex, Phone Sex, Prequel, Romance, Shows every emotional aspect of relationship, Slow Burn, SuzaLulu - Freeform, relationship building, suicide references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-18 11:44:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 194,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8160998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeoDiji/pseuds/NeoDiji
Summary: The social implications of a Britannian dating an Eleven. Being together felt right -- like moving into checkmate. A prequel to Blackmail Gone Wrong, BUT could technically be taken as a stand-alone story detailing how a SuzaLulu relationship could have developed from early season one. This fic is PURE relationship-building woven into modified canon-verse. Rating is for later chapters as their relationship develops. Fluff, romance, desire, and all that nice warm fuzzy stuff laid over their reality. SuzaLulu.





	1. Seeds and Sparks

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.
> 
> Welcome to _Something Worth Blackmailing_ , a SuzaLulu relationship development epic endeavor. 
> 
> I wrote this as an intended prequel to my other fic, _Blackmail Gone Wrong_ , but it could stand alone as well. THIS fic has all the **good** things. There might be a few minor warnings for some chapters, but nothing majorly triggering like the sequel to this.
> 
> Originally, the first four chapters of this (about 35,000 words) were posted in one humongous flashback chapter on FFnet a few years back. That chapter was entitled _Two Boys and Their Love_ and, yeah, that pretty much sums it up. I broke that long chapter up here for easier reading installments, and then I, you know, finished the story.
> 
> I do change several canon elements for my own purposes. For instance, I streeeeetch out the timeline to let their relationship develop more naturally over time. I change some details (they have history first period, not math as Nina reveals in R1Ep17; I changed the history teacher from that guy Lelouch Geassed about test questions when he determined he could only use his Geass once per person; I changed some dialogue and kept other dialogue from canon scenes -- both real episodes and sound episodes -- and just other things here and there). I'm just putting this disclaimer that not _everything_ will be the same as canon, and if it's changed, I probably have a reason for it. But always feel free to comment or ask about something not lining up! :o 
> 
> I think wayyyy too much about this series. _Blackmail_ is very near and dear to my heart and I'm **so** excited to share this with you! (I can totally play favorites with my own work.)  <3
> 
> Thanks to my lovely beta-reader, TheGeminiSage, for looking over this whale of a tale. She is love. ~~Go read her Undertale comic, _Refuse_.~~ :D

Suzaku struggled for control. He was alone with Lelouch.

“What’s wrong?” Lelouch asked from across the dinner table, raking his eyes over Suzaku with deep concentration and dissecting his discomfort like an investigator would analyze a high profile crime scene. Calm and steady, as if chancing upon a long-lost-friend-assumed-dead was an ordinary occurrence, he speared a forkful of optimally seasoned chicken and gestured at Suzaku’s half-empty plate. “You stopped eating.”

Overwhelmed to the point of hyperventilation at last, as if the words were an accusation instead of an observation, Suzaku squeezed his eyes shut against the polished dining room and suspended dreams. He trembled as he battled his breathing, mentally replaying Lelouch’s alluring voice until the question made no sense. When he felt approaching ready some eons later, he opened his eyes and followed Lelouch’s gaze. The intensity in Lelouch’s eyes… Suzaku’s heart pounded against his ribcage like a convicted prisoner against bars. With an uneasy shrug, he said, “I’m just full.”

Lelouch scrutinized him with squinted eyes. “I see.”

Suzaku hoped Lelouch didn't notice the beads of sweat rolling down his forehead, tangible proof of an insecurity leak. "It was really delicious!" he exclaimed, flapping his hands and trying to cover his tracks. He didn't want to offend his host, after all. "Much better than the cooking I'm used to," he added, thinking of Miss Cecile's disastrous attempts of the recent past. (It hadn’t taken him but one, maybe two, meals to figure out that her kitchen efforts amounted to near-food-poisoning.) Feeling as dizzy as when he emerged from a Knightmare cockpit, he fidgeted in his seat.

"Thank you," Lelouch said, his much-missed charm buoying his sentiments. "That means a lot coming from _you_ , Suzaku." He sat straighter, proud and poised with an elegant grace befitting his birthright. But for Suzaku's spastic nervousness, it was almost like the seven-year separation had never existed.

Jaw dropping in surprise, Suzaku shoved an over-sized bite of chicken in his mouth so he wouldn’t have to figure out something to say. He noticed the way the fancy chandelier light fell across Lelouch’s stark features, and a heavy knot twisted in Suzaku’s stomach and rooted him to his chair. His teeth worked furiously to chew, and the task was made much harder by the sudden dryness of his mouth.

Lelouch regarded him thoughtfully, his violet eyes somewhat masked concerning their own emotional display but forever perceptive to Suzaku's. Once upon a time, Suzaku had been able to read Lelouch just as well. Then life had torn them apart. Lelouch cleared his throat, and even such a common gesture sounded oddly special coming from him. His words, too, seemed to echo deeper meanings. "You know, Suzaku, you don't have to force yourself to finish. If you're full, it's fine. It just means we have leftovers." Lelouch stood from his chair and reached across the tabletop for Suzaku's plate, the arc of his arm strangely captivating.

Suzaku had spent a lifetime studying people's movements, and never had his observations stirred such dumbstruck admiration. Especially for no particular reason. Not even Tohdoh-sensei, with all his martial arts skill, had ever impressed Suzaku like _this_.

Lelouch's lips quirked, taking Suzaku’s heartbeat prisoner again after a brief respite. Warm words spilled from the middle of his smile, adding fuel to the fire in Suzaku’s belly. "Let me wrap this up for you. It will save nicely until tomorrow." His fingertips grazed the back of Suzaku's hand as they sought the ceramic, the first of many accidental touches of fate.

The fork slipped out of Suzaku's fingers. "Wh-what?" he asked, his hope fragile around the edges. _He wants me to come back?!_ A bit of half-chewed chicken mush fell from his mouth and stained the tablecloth. Green eyes widening, Suzaku seized a napkin. With nerves on high-alert and tremors increasing, he strove to fix this—one of his thankfully lesser mistakes. Along the way, he knocked over his cup of tea; the brown liquid seeped through the fabric to the wood table below, dripping consequences beneath the surface. Worse, unlike his recent luck, this latest blunder placed Suzaku directly at fault. Cursing at how everything always had to escalate, he mumbled under his breath, "Oh god…"  

Lelouch pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, a wary sigh escaping his lips. Then, seeming to get over the mess, he smiled brilliantly—genuinely—and reassured his guest, "Don't worry about it. I'll clean that up. Why don't you go relax in the other room and I'll join you in a minute?"

"No, I couldn't," Suzaku protested, springing up. He swayed on his feet and grasped the edge of the table for balance. (He could count on one hand the number of times he'd needed a crutch, and that included his intense soldier training.)

"You've had a long, exciting day," Lelouch said, the gentle undercurrents of his voice seeping into Suzaku's bruised heart like the tea soaking into the table. Busying himself with cleaning tasks, Lelouch looked down and said, "Go relax, Suzaku."

Jerking his head, Suzaku objected, "No! Not while you—" (Aside from refusing to shoot Lelouch in Shinjuku, Suzaku could count on one closed fist the number of times he'd disobeyed a direct order from a Britannian better since enlisting.)

Lelouch snorted and tipped his head, looking Suzaku in the eye. Amiable humor glinted in his violet gaze, though for some reason it only put Suzaku more on edge. Almost everything about Lelouch seemed to be a rediscovery tonight, but at least his following words sounded familiar enough to be comforting. "I don't believe that was a request."

Suzaku nodded, awestruck in Lelouch’s princely presence. Mesmerized, he gripped the tablecloth tighter to ground himself and stepped back a few paces, accidentally tugging the tablecloth—along with all the food and dishes atop it—halfway to the floor. He froze, unable to curb the squeaked “um” that escaped his lips as a teetering vegetable dish clattered to the floor and spilled its contents everywhere. At that moment, Suzaku was convinced that everything he touched turned into a giant mess. The proof was all around him.

Eyeing the rolling corn with distaste, Lelouch took a deep breath and then brightened. He showed no further sign that the gnawing tension in the air was affecting him in the least, or that he was upset with Suzaku for creating a disaster. Surprising Suzaku, he focused on the positive. "At least the rest of your chicken will save," Lelouch said again. "But since the rest of it is unsalvageable now, what kind of side dish would you like for tomorrow's dinner?" He chuckled and moved to tug the tablecloth back into place.

At the slight pressure, Suzaku let go of his hold on the fabric and let Lelouch fix the situation as he was best at doing. Bowing his head, he asked in a trembling voice, "Why?"

With an indulgent headshake, Lelouch quipped, "Because I'm taking requests." Purple eyes narrowed playfully, reminding Suzaku of his best friend from before the war. "Better take advantage of it this time, Suzaku. I don't ask for other people's opinions often."

"No," Suzaku insisted, raising his head and sweeping aside the smug, superficial tone coating Lelouch's words. "I mean—why me?" Suzaku shivered as alarm bells blared in his mind. "Why are you doing all this? Talking to me, having dinner with me…"

A hard look entered Lelouch's eyes. "Why wouldn't I?" he countered, standing still and ignoring the fallen plates. "We're friends, aren't we?" His eyes narrowed further; the challenge flickering in their depths reminded Suzaku of his best friend from before, during, _and_ after the war. It was a relief that at least some things about Lelouch remained the same, including the how-dare-you coloring his incredulous doubt: "Or are you saying that the past seven years changed that?"

Shaking his head, Suzaku all but yelped, "No!" Taking deep breaths, he explained, "It's just that…that, uh, being around you after so long…and I'm an Honorary Britannian, an _Eleven_ …"

Lelouch scowled and stepped around the table, reaching out to grip Suzaku by the shoulder. "Idiot," he hissed, the passionate endearment layering more of their past onto the present. "Do you think so little of me—you think I give a shit about that?" He sighed, sounding stretched thin. Tone softening to melted butter, he went on, "You've always been very special to me. Nothing's changed, Suzaku." Letting go of Suzaku's shoulder after a touch too long, Lelouch leaned down to retrieve Suzaku's fallen fork. Twiddling it in his fingers, he offered a small smile and explained, "I may be Britannian, but don't worry. I'm not like the others."

Green eyes misted over with tears and Suzaku's throat tightened around a lump. In a choked voice, he murmured, "Lelouch…" Even after being reassured that their differing ethnicities didn't drive a wedge between them, the Japanese teen still felt his stomach twist with anxiety. A pleasant lightheartedness expanded in his chest to offset the stress, and he felt out of sorts in his own body. He'd never experienced anything quite like this, and he worried that his exposure to the Lancelot was making him sick in the head. Or elsewhere. On autopilot, Suzaku said, "I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything," Lelouch suggested. He always had an answer, and Suzaku was forever grateful. "Wait for me in the other room. I'll be right with you after I put your chicken in the fridge." Then, casting his eyes over Suzaku's face, Lelouch murmured, "Hold on. Before you go..." With another small smile, he grabbed a napkin and wiped at the corner of Suzaku's lip. Leaning closer to inspect the spot, he said airily, "There was a crumb." Pulling back, he smirked with the triumph of a black king ruling the chessboard and swaggered into the kitchen, looking back over his shoulder once or twice to clash eyes with Suzaku.

Still tense, but happier despite that, Suzaku strolled towards the sitting room. He couldn't protest anymore—not when Lelouch was so adamant, and especially not when he looked so damn pleased with himself.

-+-

Lelouch lurked in the doorway, watching.

Suzaku turned in a slow arc in the middle of the sitting room as he digested the comfortable arrangement of couches, loveseats, and easy chairs lining the walls. He stood for a moment, pitching forward and then leaning back, before he ambled over to the longest couch, his shoes thumping on the hardwood floor, and stroked a single index finger along the armrest; after two inches, he snatched it back. "And here I thought he'd have silk," Suzaku chortled.

Pursing his lips, Lelouch monitored his friend's movements, seeing his sitting room through a guest's eyes for the first time. The posh furnishings looked stiff and spotless, almost as if they existed only as décor. There were no golden linings, but the expensive ivory upholstery spoke of nobility and status—fitting for a pair of wayward royals. A wry smile curled the ex-prince's lip, the expression at home on his face like the way he now fit at Ashford Academy. Not everyone belonged like he did.

Suzaku inhaled, ogling the bare pink colored walls and gold trim that highlighted the elegant beauty of the room.

Extravagant simplicity was Lelouch's style, and he was proud that his influence showed in every corner. To outsiders, however, the scene probably looked like a magazine picture instead of a lived-in room used to entertain guests. After observing Suzaku, soaking in his presence and admiring the flair he added to the décor, Lelouch offered, "Go ahead and sit down."

Suzaku startled at the sudden sound, whirling around to pinpoint its source. "Oh!" he breathed, exhaling in relief. "Lelouch. Sorry, I just…"

Jerking his chin, Lelouch held up a hand. It was only okay when _he_ spun stories or made excuses. "It's fine. Just relax and sit."

Suzaku sank to the floor, sitting ramrod straight with his legs folded neatly beneath him. He rested tan hands on his thighs, looking rigid and disciplined.

"…What are you doing?"

Suzaku cocked his head, his face falling at the implied reprimand. "Everything looks so fancy. I don't—I don't want to mess it up."

Lelouch raised an incredulous eyebrow, wondering again if the lost years had eroded Suzaku's brain. There was that whole unexplained nonsense about becoming an Honorary Britannian soldier, after all. The signs of insanity were there. "It's furniture, Suzaku. You’re supposed to sit on it."

"Yeah, but…" Suzaku protested, looking to the uncooperative floor for answers. He opened his mouth to say something before biting his bottom lip. The room was set and staged, but Suzaku didn't own a script. He tried again anyway. "It doesn't look like anyone's ever used it before."

Chuckling, Lelouch said, “You’re mostly right. I hardly ever use this room." His purple eyes shone. The rarely-utilized furniture beckoned him forward, but the true magnet was Suzaku. Lelouch forced himself to stop before he wanted to, intent on respecting Suzaku's personal space in a way unlike most others would. "I normally don't let people inside here. Be honored." Gesturing in a wide sweep to the expanse of available seats, he joked, "How many invitations do you need? Take a seat already!"

Scrambling to obey, Suzaku slid onto the nearest couch. "Thank you, Lelouch," he said, sounding lost underneath despite the direction. Green eyes flicked to Lelouch before staring out at the room again. A single vase of flowers sat on the coffee table between two easy chairs. A fresh, wet floral scent emanated from the apple blossoms and baby's breath, filling the room with a delightful fragrance.

Following Suzaku's gaze, Lelouch muttered, "Nunnally likes to care for the Student Council garden. Every five days, we choose the best-growing flowers from the nursery to decorate this room. She has flowers by her bed, too, since the sweet smells help calm her down when she's upset." Smiling while recounting the family ritual, he took a seat beside his friend. He faced him, unwilling—or maybe unable—to take his eyes off Suzaku. He couldn't handle another seven-year separation, and this time he was taking no chances. He basked in Suzaku's presence greedily, feeling more prosperous than when he won a high-stakes chess match. _I've missed him. I can't believe he's here with me now._

"Ah, I see," Suzaku replied. Nunnally was a safe topic of conversation, but he didn't comment further. Instead, he sank back into the couch and blushed lightly under Lelouch's intense stare. Things were quiet as they adjusted to their new spaces, sitting at either end of the couch but closer than they'd been throughout the past seven years. The sound of their breathing filled the room as they fell into rhythm with each other. Since Nunnally was in bed and Sayoko was busy elsewhere, they were alone.

That was fine; there were things Lelouch wanted to discuss with Suzaku out of his innocent little sister's presence. Actually doing so proved problematic. While there were clearly issues neither wanted to bring up, even the predictable, lighthearted pleasantries turned sour when touched; neutral ground still hid some mines. "So you've survived your first day at Ashford Academy!" Lelouch exclaimed, sounding as excited as a child receiving a gift of festive socks. Some of the emotion was fake, but some of it was genuine awe at seeing Suzaku again after so long. A gift was still a gift, even if it had some unexpectedly unappealing qualities.

"Yeah," Suzaku tittered. "It's a good school. I like it," he said noncommittally, looking anywhere but at Lelouch.

Lelouch frowned. "Don't say things like that." _Doesn't he know that I can see straight through him?_

Suzaku's attention jerked to Lelouch. "What?" he asked, dumbfounded. Mulling over his last words, he scrunched his face as if trying to remember anything he could have said that might be taken offensively.

Lelouch's frown deepened, and he pressed his feet hard against the floor in irritation. _Is he_ ** _still_** _that much of an idiot?_ He sighed and explained, "You were jeered at, swung at, and singled out as the scum of the earth. No one talked to you except to make fun of you, and you were pushed repeatedly in the hallways." His eyes were hard as he narrated the day's events. "Two of our teachers gave you extra work because you were late to class—because _other_ teachers knowingly sent you in the wrong direction." Leveling his stern gaze on Suzaku, catching glossy, shiny green eyes with his, Lelouch dared him, "Don't tell me you had a good first day after all that."

Looking as uncomfortable as any kind stranger who'd first met Nunnally, Suzaku squirmed in his seat. "I got extra work because I'm so far behind," he said halfheartedly in the teachers' defense.

Purple eyes narrowed. "You really believe that?" _Not even Suzaku can be_ ** _that_** _stupid and naïve._

"I have to," Suzaku said with a stubborn glint in his eye, lifting his chin and showing a hint of the brat he'd been before the war. "And besides. Today wasn't all bad. I ran into you—and Nunnally—and that sort of makes up for things." Ducking his head, Suzaku sneaked a glance at Lelouch from under his eyelashes.

Lelouch tilted his head and blinked, searching Suzaku's eyes for any underlying truths. They were buried too deep to decipher, leaving Lelouch the option of responding at face-value. "Nothing could ever make up for the way they treat you!" he said, jutting out his chin and straightening his back. "That is, what I mean is, it's amazing that you're here, Suzaku." Sighing, Lelouch forced himself to relax his shoulders. "I'm glad I can help, but I still don't think it's right that you're suffering and bottling it all up." Eyes narrowing further, he scooted closer along the couch towards his long-lost friend. 

"I'm not," Suzaku protested, leaping to his feet.

"Suzaku," Lelouch warned, settling down before sliding into Suzaku's vacated seat. "Don't lie to me." He stayed put in his new position, eyes half-lidded with feigned boredom. Authority radiated from his every pore and his voice was solid, leaving no room for argument.

With a hesitant smile, Suzaku sank back into his seat beside Lelouch. Their sides brushed, and their knees knocked. The soft couch cushions shifted around them. Suzaku looked to the floor again, yielding to Lelouch's aura of power. "All right, Lelouch." Avoiding eye-contact, he folded his hands in his lap like a small child being scolded. 

Lelouch raised an eyebrow at the submissive behavior. The Suzaku from seven years ago would have stepped forward, heated complaints thick on his tongue. Had the military beaten that spark out of him, or was it the build-up of years of prejudice weighing on his spirit?

Anger seethed within Lelouch; this was what Britannia had reduced his friend to since the war! Purple eyes sparked and Lelouch growled, "Listen, and listen good. The others at this school might treat you horribly, but I will always be your friend. No matter what." He nodded, pushing his chest out in a show of confidence. "So you don't have to be nervous around me, all right? I'm not a Britannian—or a prince. I'm just your friend. Just Lelouch—that's all." _There's no room for titles or labels between us._

Suzaku glanced away and nodded. His lip quivered as Lelouch lectured him, but he didn't cry.

Lelouch sighed in exasperation, thoughts racing. "Suzaku, it doesn't matter to me that you're Japanese."

At the mention of his culture's true name, Suzaku's head shot up, green eyes shining with awe and gratitude. "Lelouch!"

"I mean it," Lelouch said, leaning in close. "You're Kururugi Suzaku. That's all that matters to me, and that's why I'll stick by you." A warm smile flitted across his lips, drawing Suzaku's attention from the corner of his eye. Gently, Lelouch reached up and pressed the pads of his fingers against Suzaku's warm cheek. He turned Suzaku's head, making them face one another dead-on. "I wish you'd understand." _And soon!_

A matching smile lit up Suzaku's face, though his eyes still reflected a hint of doubt. A tinge of pink spread outwards from where Lelouch's fingers rested on his skin. "I do understand."

Biting back a snort, Lelouch scoffed, "Why do I get the feeling you're lying to me right now?" His hand drifted back to his lap, creating a slight distance between them.

Suzaku's smile faltered. "I'm not lying, Lelouch. It's okay. I really do understand. I know you're not like other Britannians."

"I'll hold you to that," Lelouch said, holding out his pinky. "I don't tolerate being lied to, Suzaku, so you have to mean it when you say you won't do it." His eyes glinted as he coaxed, "Come on, you have to seal it officially. Nunnally taught me the rhyme and everything."

Jaw dropping in surprise that Lelouch knew how to make a kiddy-style 'Japanese promise,' Suzaku lifted his hand. He closed his mouth and tilted his head, seeming to consider his promise as he slowly reached out to link pinkies with Lelouch. "This will go two-way," he added, his eyes unusually serious.

"Of course," Lelouch promised, tripping over his words in haste and ignoring the sharp jolt that came with skin-to-skin contact this time. "We won't lie to each other." _Within reason, of course._ Violet irises searched Suzaku's face, and Lelouch said wryly, "Suzaku, you need to look at me for this to work. You're not afraid of me, are you?" _Is he…hiding something?_

Suzaku shook his head, meeting Lelouch's eye for a quick second before looking away again. "No," he said, soft as rustling tissue paper . Then, gaining confidence, he teased, "I never would have thought you the type to know children's stories."

" _Nunnally_ taught it to me," Lelouch repeated defensively, then yanked their pinkies up and down in a sad mimicry of how his sister performed the motions. Clearing his throat no more than three times, he chanted—off-rhythm— "Cross my heart, hope to die, eat a thousand needles—oh, I can't do this."

"What?"

Lelouch pulled back, turning away. His words spewed out in a nervous rush. "Forget it. I'm not—it's stupid." An embarrassed blush heated his cheeks.

Suzaku's hand descended, pinky still outstretched. "Is that it, or are you just leaving room to lie to me in the future?"

Scowling, Lelouch lowered his head, bangs falling over his eyes. "No," he growled. "I just think it's a childish game. Humoring my little sister is one thing, but we're both old enough not to buy into crap like that anymore. We both know promises aren't worth anything."

Suzaku gaped at him and again only managed, "Lelouch…"

Purple eyes radiating intensity, Lelouch lifted his head. "It's action that counts, Suzaku. I'll hold you to your word, but I won't put my trust in a child's game to prove it."

"I understand," Suzaku said, nodding his head vigorously. Eyes flitting around the room, his gaze stopped on a clock and he jumped to his feet. He groaned under his breath about the late hour and then took two steps nearer the door, saying, "I've been here too long. I have to get back to the military base now."

Lelouch's jaw tensed, but he made no move to speak as he followed his guest to the door. _I scared him off with my anger. I'll have to be careful not to send him running for good._ Wiping sweaty palms on his pants, he tried to sound casual when he offered, "We have extra room here if you want to move in." The proposal was out his mouth before he could stop it, and sirens blared in his head. _What am I doing?! I'd love to have him here, but I'm Zero!_ It would be impractical.Still, something in his chest ached with want; he steeled his nerves and could do nothing but wait for his friend's response.

-+-

Suzaku stopped in his tracks. His heart swelled with yearning to take Lelouch up on his offer, but Suzaku reminded himself of his duty to the military. The thought of living with Lelouch made his heart jump to his throat, and that was the main reason he had to decline. Until he figured out why being around the Britannian boy made his body act all weird, then it wasn't safe to be in such close contact all the time. Expanding on that thought, he turned to Lelouch at the doorway and earnestly said, "I don't think we should be seen together at school."

Lelouch looked stunned. "What?"

Leaning forward on the veranda, Suzaku started in with his excuses. "How would you explain it—being friends with an Honorary Britannian? We have to guard your secret. No one can know you're royalty!" Though it wasn't his main reason for deciding on his plan of action, it was legitimate nonetheless. As he turned on his heel, though, Suzaku knew the true reason for his idea wasn't to protect the 'Lamperouge' siblings; it was to protect his own heart.

With a sure glare, Lelouch growled at his retreating back, "Doing it again, huh?! Everyone's needs but your own!"

Suzaku froze but didn't turn back around. _He's calling me selfless!_ He had to laugh callously inside his head as he started walking again, not bothering to respond. _It's the exact opposite! Lelouch, I can't drag you down for my sake.._.

… _Even I won't be that selfish_.

-+-

"What an ungrateful animal!" 

The words hung ugly in the air, detracting from the natural beauty of the sunny day. The day had dawned bright and clear, mirroring how the Ashford Academy students flaunted their opinions. Before Suzaku had come up the walk, the hum of conversation across the school lawn had centered on local dating gossip and complaints about tests and homework. Good-natured jostling had led to cheery laughs among the various pockets of teenagers. The excited buzz of conversation had then died abruptly, as if someone had flipped a switch for silence. 

"It's not enough that Britannia let him live. Now he has to invade _our_ school?"

Suzaku had twitched as he'd stridden through the wide aisle left for him by his new classmates, the quiet space made not out of respect but because no one wanted to risk brushing against him. The Eleven. He'd bit his tongue to keep from lecturing them about what constituted a real invasion—and how they should look at themselves first before pointing the finger at him. Instead, he'd raised his head higher and focused dead-ahead. As soon as he'd passed by, the people behind him spoke in hushed whispers.

"No one wants _his kind_ here!"

Out of his peripheral vision, Suzaku saw them glaring in his direction. His ears burned from the attention, but he continued on. It wouldn't do to show weakness—and besides, he was used to such treatment.

It still hurt. As soon as he made it inside, he paused to close his smarting eyes for a second and take a deep breath. Despite trying to filter out the jeers directed at him, he couldn't help but be affected. Though tears pricked the corners of his eyes, he refused to let them fall. Clutching his bag tighter in his hand, he opened his eyes and walked forward. His steps slowed as he traversed farther into the building, braving the unknown. With the bright walls and rows of windows lining the hallways, the school should have felt welcoming instead of foreboding. A shiver shot down his spine as he realized none of the doorways seemed familiar.

He looked at the school map he'd been given yesterday in confusion; there were some Britannian English terms printed on it that he didn't understand, reminding him that he didn't belong. "Am I even in the right building?" he mumbled. Doubts ran rampant. Shoulders sagging, he glanced around and noticed a group of girls who looked to be about his year. Sweeping his hand through his brown curls, he approached them and held up the map. "Um, excuse me!" he called, gaining their attention.

Expressions of pure terror flashed across the girls' faces. The smallest one hid behind her friends. Catching each other's eyes, they trembled.

Suzaku smiled reassuringly at them, wanting to bridge the gap. "I didn't mean to startle you, but I'm lost and—"

At once, without a word, the girls turned their backs on him and hurried away. They disappeared from sight around a corner, leaving Suzaku by his lonesome near the entry hallway.

"That didn't work," Suzaku grumbled, his fingers crushing the school map. A sigh escaped his lips, and he tried to smooth out any unintentional wrinkles. "Guess I'll keep trying." Without any better ideas, he followed the girls around the corner. Sometimes he looked hopefully in other students' directions, but more often than not people dropped their eyes and ignored him. No one smiled. It seemed grim. After taking a few random twists and turns, he found himself in a deserted hallway. _The bell didn't ring yet, so where is everyone?_

"Hey," boomed a voice, accompanied by the smack of a loud footfall. "You Eleven piece of shit! I saw what you did to those girls back there."

Suzaku whirled around, dismayed to see a Britannian teen looming over him. The pale boy had broader shoulders than Suzaku did, and a vein throbbed in his forehead. Locks of sandy-brown hair fell in an arc across his forehead above the menacing scowl on his face. Suzaku took a hasty step back, holding up tan Japanese hands in surrender. "I didn't do anything to them!" he explained, voice bordering on shrill. How did he always find himself in these situations? "I was going to ask them directions to my first class."

The Britannian boy shook his head. "Yeah right." An anticipatory glint shone in his eyes, and he advanced on the soldier. "Who do you think people will believe? A Britannian, or an _Eleven?_ " He spat the last word and reached out to shove the Japanese student roughly into the wall; Suzaku's bag and map went flying. "Boys!" called the aggressive student. "I think our little friend here dropped his books. Why don't you help him out?" Showing his teeth in a scary grin, he wrapped his hand around Suzaku's throat and kept him pinned to the wall.

Mind racing, Suzaku instinctively struggled for freedom. It was difficult to breathe; but then, when _was_ breathing easy? Amidst the black spots crossing his vision, he reminded himself of his purpose. _I won't fight. These boys are innocent civilians. Bullies, yes, but…_

Thudding footsteps pounded on the floor, announcing the arrival of more students. Suzaku's vision cleared in time to see one of his textbooks flying at his face. He closed his eyes, biting his lip so he wouldn't scream at the impact. He winced in the Britannian ringleader's hold, then fell gasping to the floor as he was let go. A small bit of blood oozed from an open cut.

"Bring the books," ordered the first Britannian to the others as he ripped up the map. To Suzaku, he said, "You can keep your bag, you little shit."

Suzaku blinked gratefully up at the other student and said in a sincere tone, "Thank you."

All the Britannian bullies gaped at him, then looked to each other with wide, questioning eyes. Still incredulous, they scrambled off with his books, leaving him alone on the floor.

A bystander gave the bullies a wave as they ran by, and the leader threw a, “Thanks for covering for us, Fox!” over his shoulder. The Britannian onlooker nodded at them and glared at the Eleven by his polished shoes.

Groaning, Suzaku stumbled to his feet. Mechanically grabbing his—now much lighter—schoolbag, he wandered around until he found a restroom; the Britannian boy let him go with a disdainful sniff. Suzaku went inside and looked in the mirror, making sure his neck wasn't bruised; it wasn't. The only sign of his encounter with the bullies was the slight scrape across his temple from where the corner of the textbook had caught him. Sighing with relief, he said, "Good, I'm all right."

Another boy came out of a stall, glanced at him by the sinks, and scuttled away without even washing his hands. Suzaku stepped back, shaking his head and willing his stinging eyes to dry. _No one wants me here. Maybe I should just give this whole 'school' thing up and go back to Lloyd and the Lancelot._

Leaving the bathroom, he turned down the next corridor and immediately felt a bubble of hope. Not only were there students walking around, but he spotted Lelouch! At the sight of his friend, Suzaku cracked a smile and continued his trek, resolve strengthened and steps lighter. _I take it back. I'll stay._

_All the abuse in the world is worth seeing Lelouch._

That was Suzaku's truth. Lelouch was talking to a blue-haired boy, and Suzaku caught the words "history test" as he passed by. He grimaced. At a Britannian school, no doubt 'history' revolved around praising the emperor for all the lands he'd conquered and enslaved. Suzaku's fingers curled into a fist, but he knew he had to conform to Britannian standards. It was an oath he'd taken to earn honorary status, and it was part of the reason being called a traitor weighed like a tank of corpses on his heart.

Lelouch smiled and tried to catch his eye, but Suzaku avoided him with a faint headshake and walked on, reminding Lelouch of their plan to ignore one another in public. Well, it was his own plan; Lelouch hadn't exactly agreed. But that was all right for now. Lelouch was smart, and Suzaku figured that he'd come around in time. It was the best thing for them. As Suzaku entered the classroom, he felt his friend's stare boring into the back of his head. His heart pounded, confusing him. _Odd. My heart wasn't beating so fast when I was held up against the wall, but now that Lelouch is paying attention to me…_

Eyes softening, he slid into an empty seat and made a show of rummaging through his empty bag. At least he'd found his classroom. And, he reminded himself as he glanced towards the doorway, something much better.

-+-

"You're in my seat."

Suzaku looked up, startled. "Excuse me," he apologized, standing up and bowing to the girl. "I didn't mean to."

"Just go away!" the girl snapped, sniffing as she turned up her nose. "Now I need to clean my desk. Ugh, it has Eleven stench all over it!" Her nose wrinkling, she took a can of disinfectant from behind her back and showered the area with spray. Students in the room coughed from the thick, sterilized smell. A complaint of "Damn, Chloe, that stinks!" came from the back of the classroom. 

Eyes wide, Suzaku took a few steps backwards. He bumped into a boy, and the boy growled and pushed him into another student. "I'm sorry!" Suzaku cried, hands sweating, as he careened into the second body.

"It's all right," murmured a deep, familiar voice. Pale, slender hands caught and righted Suzaku, brushing off specks of dust from his shoulders. "I know it's not your fault." Purple eyes glared at the hostile Britannians in the room before shining softly in the Japanese boy's direction. Letting his hands settle more firmly on the new student's shoulders, the second boy squeezed lightly in comfort. "Why don't you come sit by me?" he offered, voice raised higher than normal to make a point.

A corner of Suzaku's lips turned up in a smile, but he shook his head. Something in his stomach flipped. "Thank you for the offer, but I don't want to cause any more trouble. The teacher will tell me where to sit."

Lelouch looked disappointed, but he nodded anyway. "If that's what you want," he said dismissively. A hurt tone underlay his words, buried under feigned disinterest.

Suzaku sighed. _We can't be close, Lelouch. I know you want to be, but that's just not possible. Not with us being who we are._

"What's all the commotion?" barked the teacher as she marched into the room. Socializing students hurried to take their seats, streamlining the pockets of chaos into order. “Mr. Fox, are you telling another baseball story? Save it for the end of class.” The teacher dropped her books and papers on her desk and inspected her students, giving a long look to a redhead Britannian boy—the one who’d kept watch as the gang of bullies assaulted Suzaku. Behind the teacher’s glasses, her stern brown eyes narrowed as they fell on Suzaku. "Who are you?" she demanded. As if that weren't enough, she cracked her ruler on the side of the desk.

Suzaku flinched. "My name is Kururugi Suzaku," he began, forgetting to switch the order of his names in his nervousness. "I'm the new—"

"Eleven!" shouted the boy Suzaku had accidentally knocked into. Taking a deep breath, the boy repeated calmly, "He's the new _Eleven_." Azure eyes glinted darkly in the transfer student's direction.

Still wincing, Suzaku looked around to notice that the boy's burning look was reflected in nearly all the others' eyes. Lelouch's burning look was directed at the boy who'd shouted, but his facial expression matched those of his racist classmates all the same. Suzaku swallowed and tried to do damage control. "That's right," he said. "I'm an Honorary Britannian."

At his vocalized loyalty, about ten students relaxed their posture. Some hesitant smiles replaced scathing frowns. A girl with red-orange hair actually beamed at him from across the room, olive green eyes sparkling with warmth.

The teacher's eyes never left Suzaku's. "All right then, Kuru-ru-ru-ru-boy," she said evenly. "That explains who you are, but not what you are doing in my classroom." Her fingers tightened around the ruler.

Sweat slid down Suzaku's neck. _Did I get the wrong room after all?_ "I just transferred into this class," he explained, licking his lips. "I was filling out the paperwork yesterday morning, so I missed this period." He bowed deeply in apology.

"You will stand up straight when you address me," hollered the teacher, again cracking her ruler. As per Britannian standards, she was not culturally sensitive. "I am Mrs. Kerr, and an _Eleven_ of all people will respect me!"

Suzaku nodded frantically on instinct, his heart twisting in his chest. The last of his confidence was fading like the free countries under Britannia's shadow. _This teacher is so obvious. At least some of the others have the decency to be subtle._

Shaking her head, the bigoted teacher continued, "I haven't heard anything about a new transfer, so you can stand in the back until I figure out what to do with you." She pointed to one of the rear corners and turned her attention to a pile of papers on her desk. "As for the rest of you, sit down so we can start. If Kuru-whatever is telling the truth—and that’s a big if, considering his background—then he needs to take yesterday's test before I can return everyone else's. Blame _him_ for the delay." She smirked before catching sight of a waving hand and sighing deeply, "Yes, Mr. Lamperouge?"

Lelouch lowered his arm. "Ma'am," he said with fake respect, "Suzaku wasn't here to learn the material that was on yesterday's test, so shouldn't he be excused?" He smiled politely and waited.

Suzaku's head jerked in surprise. _Oh, Lelouch._ A small smile turned his lips. _You're always looking out for me. You don't have to, really!_ Despite his brain's misgivings, warmth blossomed in his chest. Right then and there, it didn't matter how the teacher responded; the mere fact that Lelouch supported him was enough. _Then again, he shouldn't publicly stick up for me. We went over this last night. What is he thinking?!_

Sighing again, Mrs. Kerr cut into Suzaku's thoughts. "Kuru-I-don’t-care was enrolled as of yesterday morning, if his story checks out. That means he is responsible for completing the assignments—including tests—that occurred during the time he missed while officially enrolled." Her gaze sharpened and she snapped at Lelouch, "Don't tell me you're dying to know how poorly _you_ performed on yesterday's test, Mr. Lamperouge!"

Suzaku tilted his head and blinked, all previous thoughts forgotten. _Lelouch? Fail a test? Impossible!_ The Britannian prince was a genius; Suzaku knew that _that_ couldn't have changed over the past seven years. Green eyes widened minutely in shock when Lelouch, instead of arguing or looking upset, smugly turned to the blue-haired boy from the hallway and winked.

Another hand rose into the air. "So you're saying we have to wait for the Eleven to finish the test before _we_ get to see _our_ grades?" asked a girl without waiting to be called on. She didn't say the word 'Eleven' like it was a disease, just like it was matter-of-fact.

"That's the policy," Mrs. Kerr confirmed, shooting an irritated look Suzaku's way. "And you, Miss Moore. Remember to speak only when given permission." The girl shrank back in her seat, and the teacher grumbled, "Enough talk about it." Surveying the worried looks of her students, she gave in and allowed them a small sense of hope. "In the meantime, I can say that _most_ of you," she said with a significant look at Lelouch, "did fine." Retrieving her textbook, she instructed the class, "Open your books to page 487." Glancing around the classroom, she spotted the student in the back and directed, "Kuru-boy, you can start us off."

Suzaku went numb and his knees went weak. "I…I don't have my books yet," he said. It was easier than admitting that his books were stolen by bullies in the hallway, and he looked down in shame. _This is getting off to a really bad start._

Snorting, Mrs. Kerr mumbled, "Just what I'd expect of an Eleven. All right then, Mr. Dixon, _you_ may begin. Page 487, please."

The boy from before, the one who'd pushed Suzaku into Lelouch, started to read, "'As with the first Britannian colonies, Area 11 was easily crushed by the Imperial Army…'"

Lelouch's fingers curled into a fist beneath his desk.

Suzaku felt a cold wave of dread wash over him.

First period history was going to drag.

-+-

The bell rang after an hour of grueling historical facts. Suzaku had stayed on his feet through sheer force of will, jaw clenched as his ears were assaulted with phrases akin to, "as the Japanese monkeys died out," "the Number System…the spirit of Britannia's generosity," and "replaced by 'Eleven.'" He'd stayed quiet throughout class discussion, keeping his eyes trained on the blackboard above Mrs. Kerr's head. His hands were shaking by the end. He might've snapped his pencil.

Suzaku waited for the majority of the class to file out before moving. He looked away from the Britannian boys, whom he recognized only as Fox and Dixon, as they flashed him cold looks on their way out the door. Fishing out his schedule, he smiled at the thought of his next class: gym. He rolled his shoulders, working out the kinks, and looked forward to working out the rest of the jitteriness in his system. His blood was racing, and he was in the perfect state of mind to sweat out some of his frustration. As he took his first step from the back corner, he noticed the red-orange-haired girl from earlier dart over towards the windows.

"Lelou!" she called, coming to a stop in front of Lelouch's desk. "You're _not_ skipping out on gym today!" She followed up her order with a quick stomp of her foot.

Blasé, Lelouch raised an eyebrow but didn't protest as the girl tugged at his arm.

"Come on," the girl encouraged. "Let's walk to gym together." She reddened as soon as the words left her lips, and then she let go and wrung her hands together. "Um…if, if you want to, that is…"

Lelouch directed a dazzlingly friendly smile at her, and her blush deepened. "Of course I don't mind, Shirley."

Suzaku noticed that Lelouch's voice took on that alluring feel again. Despite himself, Suzaku almost swooned along with the girl—Shirley—at the sound of it. He rummaged through his bag to look like he was doing something besides eavesdropping, deeming it safe to walk across campus now and avoid a lot of the harassment.

He almost ripped apart the strap of his bag when he felt the stirrings of jealousy in his stomach. _I want Lelouch to smile at_ ** _me_** _like that._ Last night was conveniently forgotten. _But doesn't this prove it's all for the best? Lelouch has moved on. He's made new friends…and replaced me._  Suzaku shook his head, clenching his eyes shut. On the backs of his eyelids, he saw Lelouch as a child-prince running through the tall, green stems of sunflowers. _That's right. That's all we ever got together: one lousy summer. The greatest summer— the greatest_ ** _time_** — _of my life. But still, it's not comparable! Lelouch has had_ ** _years_** _to build friendships with these Britannian students._ Surely feeling cheated was allowed?

But then, he was an Eleven. Shouldn’t he be used to being cheated?

"Do you want to walk with us?"

Startled, Suzaku dropped his bag with a thud. His eyes shot open and he stared at Lelouch, horrified. _What is he doing?_ _Doesn't he understand the need to ignore me?!_ Suzaku took a fearful step back. "Um."

Shirley looked disappointed for a heartbeat before her face broke into a sweet smile. As gentle as a guardian angel, she said, "Yeah, you're new, right? Come on! Lelou and I will show you where the gym is."

Suzaku dazedly picked up his bag; he almost dropped it again. "Lelou?" he repeated skeptically.

"It's Lelouch," the prince corrected, holding out his hand. Purple eyes narrowed meaningfully at Suzaku.

The Honorary Britannian understood. "Suzaku," he 'introduced' himself and reached out to grasp Lelouch's warm hand. A weird jolt zipped through his body, making him drop Lelouch's hand fairly quickly. Lowering his gaze, he offered his hand to his friend's companion.

The girl reciprocated the gesture and giggled, "Oh, I'm Shirley! It's nice to meetcha. I'm sure it's gotta be rough, being new here and…and, well, everything." She winced and looked to the floor; then she grabbed both boys by their elbows and dragged them out the classroom door. "Now hurry or we're gonna be late!"

"I wouldn't mind," Lelouch felt the need to say, and Suzaku laughed against his own principles. Straggling students glared at the trio in the hallway, but oddly enough Suzaku thought it wasn't that bad when he was surrounded by well-meaning people.

Shirley growled at the Lelouch, " _You_ wouldn't mind skipping gym altogether to go gamble!"

"Gamble?" Suzaku repeated, feeling awkward.

Shirley nodded once, disapproval evident in her eyes. "Lelou likes to gamble chess in the underground."

Suzaku blinked at this new information, digesting it harder than the Lancelot's manual. _Of course Lelouch loves chess! He only lived and breathed it when we were boys. But gambling? I'm pretty sure that's illegal._ Green eyes widened as he hurried along with the others. _Then again, it's been seven years. Lelouch has changed a bit._ Yet again, he mulled over the proof of how Lelouch had moved on with his life, grown up, and developed his talents in a way that—while not productive or legal—was certainly better than hurting or killing (which _was_ productive _and_ legal if one was part of the Britannian Army). Suzaku's heart sank.

"It helps pay for necessary expenditures," Lelouch said matter-of-factly, mouthing 'Nunnally' to Suzaku when Shirley wasn't looking.

Suzaku snapped back to reality and nodded in understanding. While he shared Shirley's sentiments, he knew why Lelouch couldn't risk a normal job. "Ah," he managed, not knowing what else to say—at least in front of Shirley.

"There are better, _legal_ ways to earn money," Shirley refuted, rounding on Lelouch to glare at him, proving that Lelouch indeed kept his heritage secret from his school friends. "You and Rivalz need to start acting more responsible!"

The Japanese boy blinked again, giving his eyelids a good workout in preparation for gym. _'Rivalz'? Britannian names are so_ ** _weird_** _._

Lelouch stared back at the girl with an unchanging expression. "We're going to be late," he pointed out, completely ignoring her last statement.

With a panicked shriek, Shirley dragged them the rest of the way to the gym. She left them by the boys' changing room door, glancing back at least five times before she disappeared into the girls' locker room.

"She seems annoyed at you," Suzaku said, fidgeting with guilt. "Is it because you asked me to come along?"

Lelouch shot him a glare. "No, idiot," he said, falling back into old habits. "Didn't you hear her? She's mad that I gamble."

"Which you shouldn't do," the soldier agreed, morally obligated to share his opinion.

"Not you too," Lelouch groaned. "Look, it doesn't hurt anyone." He scowled. "She should never have said anything. For all she knew, you could have been a fiercely loyal soldier who would have arrested me for conducting illegal activities."

Suzaku cracked a grin, leaning easily against the wall. "Maybe that's what she was hoping for. You're lucky that I'm a fiercely loyal soldier who would never arrest his _best friend_ for doing illegal stuff."

Lelouch stared at him intensely. "Promise?" he asked, though the teasing tone was absent from his voice.

The soldier shifted, crossing his arms. The air felt heavy on his skin, pressing down on him with the weight of his pledge. " _Pinky_ promise," he answered, green eyes glinting with serious sincerity.

Lelouch's face broke into a grin, and he stepped towards the younger teen. Suzaku blushed at the close proximity, and Lelouch halted, tilting his head in confusion. Before he could inquire what was wrong, the door to the boys' locker room opened and a horde of Britannian male students rushed out. Then, his smile capsizing, Lelouch narrowed his eyes and slowly lifted his hand, brushing the pads of his fingers softly against the dried cut on Suzaku’s temple. “What happened?” he murmured, sounding like he cared more than Suzaku's superior officers ever had when asking the same question for the same reason. “You didn’t have this injury last night.”

Suzaku felt lightheaded at Lelouch’s intimate touch and he closed his eyes, cherishing the feel of the other boy’s fingers on his skin. _He pays such careful attention to me_ , Suzaku noticed, his heart jumping at the discovery. It ranked up there along with piloting a Knightmare.

Lelouch trailed his fingers lightly back and forth along the thin line of scab, seemingly trying to offer some comfort. “Well?” he pressed, his concern for the soldier evident in both voice and touch.

Shrugging, Suzaku sighed and answered, “I was just…clumsy. I caught my head on the desk corner when I fell.” He opened his eyes in time to see Lelouch raise a skeptical eyebrow. Before he could argue, Suzaku rushed to deter him with, "We should probably get changed."

“We’ll be discussing this later,” Lelouch grumbled, casting Suzaku a worried glance. He still wasn’t one to back down.

Gulping and nodding, Suzaku stepped away from his best friend’s hand and into the locker room, making a beeline for the wooden bench closest to the front. The blues and grays of the lockers and walls did nothing to ease his anxiety. He rifled through his bag for his gym uniform, laying his clothes out on the bench. Feeling Lelouch join him, he looked up—and promptly bit his tongue when the prince unashamedly peeled off his black uniform jacket and white button-up shirt. Suzaku's chest tightened, and he felt his groin throb as inch by inch of pale skin was revealed. He took a step back, his forming erection making it hard to walk.

"You okay?" Lelouch asked, eyes fixed on Suzaku's clammy face. "It's just gym. I thought you were an exercise nut."

Suzaku tore his gaze from his friend's naked chest, trying to focus on something other than Lelouch's perked pink nipples and creamy skin. "I'm fine," he managed in a husky voice, then swallowed. His lie got stuck in his throat, but he merely regurgitated it in a new form so he wouldn't choke. "I just need to use the restroom. Don't wait up," he added as an afterthought.

Inside the middle stall, Suzaku fumbled with the fastenings of his pants. "Damn," he hissed as the rough, shifting fabric made his situation worse. "Why is this happening?" he growled in a whisper. _It's just Lelouch. What is wrong with me?!_ He couldn't remember ever being this hard. It was possible, but at the moment he couldn't recall feeling so aroused.

Realization struck Suzaku like a blow to the face, and he paused with his zipper halfway down. As his erection strained against the looser fabric of his boxer shorts, Suzaku wondered aloud, "What am I doing?" Burying his face in his hands, he left his cock neglected in its confines. "No way should I be doing this!" he ordered himself in another whisper, hoping the sound of his own voice would ground him to reality. Because certainly thinking of Lelouch in _that_ way was impossible. Just because Lelouch was attractively alluring did not make him fair game for masturbation fantasies. That was crossing the best friend border into a realm of intimacy Suzaku wasn't sure he wanted to venture.

…But those deep violet eyes and black hair. That thin, lithe frame. The sharp cut of his jaw, and the way his lips turned down when he was brooding. His pale skin and long neck. The deep sound of his voice when he was annoyed. Lelouch was like sex personified. Imagining the Britannian boy made Suzaku's stomach twist with want, and another stab of heat flashed straight down to his crotch.

Suzaku groaned. Desire. That was what it all boiled down to. His body had been letting him know these past twenty-four hours that it liked Lelouch—very, very much. Like an idiot, he'd ignored the signs and now it had culminated in _this_. His burning erection twitched. His breathing accelerated and he leaned against the closed door of the stall, letting it support his weight. He couldn't touch himself with a free conscience, so there was nothing to do but wait it out. How long would it take his arousal to soften? Suzaku hoped it wouldn't take all period; he couldn't afford to make any more bad first impressions at school. Cock throbbing again, he glanced down and scowled at it. What would Lelouch think, to know he was in the foremost of his best friend's sex daydreams?

It was too embarrassing to think about.

What did Lelouch mean to him? A lot, of course, but how much? _Too_ much? _Could_ he love Lelouch _too_ much? Suzaku sighed, resting the back of his skull on the door. This was too complicated to figure out by himself, and he certainly couldn't go to Lelouch for help. If only he could ask Tohdoh-sensei, because otherwise Suzaku was convinced...  _There must be something wrong with_ _me!_

Squeezing his eyes shut, blocking out the world and the living nightmare, Suzaku waited. As a trained soldier, he forced his mind to focus on other things. The Lancelot needed another tune-up. Someone high up on the military chain of command wanted to do a follow-up investigation on him concerning the whole Zero incident. Nunnally wanted him to visit for dinner. Lelouch—

Lelouch.

Suzaku swallowed thickly, his pants tightening again. _This is taking forever!_ Would it really hurt to reach down and…? His hand drifted lower, but he curled his fingers into a fist and snatched it back at the last instant. No. He would not dishonor his friendship with Lelouch. He would not sully the memory of his friend with carnal hunger. He would outlast his body! His frame shook from the force of his self-control, and sweat beaded on his forehead. Shame still flushed his cheeks, but there was nothing he could do as long as he was sporting an impressive boner.

Again, he forced his thoughts in other directions. He was getting better as a Knightmare Frame pilot. He should be in gym. If Shirley was any indication, he was beginning to be accepted at Ashford Academy. At long last, his erection wilted and Suzaku fastened his pants with slippery fingers. While washing the sweat off his hands, he splashed cool water on his heated face.

His feet felt heavy as he lugged himself back to the wooden bench. And stared. His gym uniform was right where he'd left it, but his shirt was now decorated with red graffiti. Feeling numb, he reached for it and held it up, green eyes scanning the words: "Go back to your ghetto!" On the back, it read, "Filthy Eleven!"

Suzaku lowered his head and sank onto the bench, gathering the stained fabric in his arms. He sat there, letting the fear, embarrassment, anxiety, and anger wash over him. He'd expected this, but his chest was still tight with hurt. Everyone except Lelouch hated him; hell, he hated _himself_. Suzaku shut his eyes against reality and imagined, just for a few seconds, what it would be like to not have to face the demeaning insults and prejudice every day of his life. His breath caught, and his eyes snapped open. Gym wasn't over yet, and he wasn't going to let racist Britannians scare him into hiding.

He threw on his defiled clothes and jogged out to the soccer field.

-+-

"Kurugi!" bellowed the gym instructor, Coach Ryder, striding over to the Japanese boy with an angry scowl on his face. He’d at least _tried_ to pronounce the new name on his roster. That was a slight improvement. "I know you're new here, but that's no excuse to disregard school rules. A _baby_ knows that you don't write on your gym uniform. Let's see…I think three weeks worth of detention is appropriate for someone like you," he sneered.

 _Someone like you_. Suzaku clenched a fist in righteous anger, but only nodded politely in his gym teacher's direction. The air felt too hot. Too stuffy. "I understand, sensei—er, I mean, sir." He flinched at the 'look' the coach sent him in response.

"Stand up straight when you show up for my class, Kurugi," ordered Coach Ryder. "And make sure your uniform isn't wrinkled. Come on, stop hunching over. You can be the first to run the hard-level obstacle course today; consider it your welcome to the school." A twisted smile graced his lips, making him fit in with the majority of the Ashford Academy population when it came to Suzaku.

Taking a deep breath, Suzaku stood at attention like he'd been trained, the words 'Go back to your ghetto!' in plain sight across his chest. He took small comfort in the fact that he excelled in physical activity. _This guy thinks it's a punishment, but I can do this obstacle course in my sleep—twice!_ Looking down, he noticed the graffiti vandalism and felt reality wash him in red. _But still, if he keeps treating me like this, maybe I should just start skipping this class with Lelouch._ His heart pounded at the thought of spending every second period alone with his best friend, away from the racism and classism that guided the rest of Britannian society. _But no, how would I explain skipping if I got caught?_ He couldn't. His future hinged on getting this right.

Looking around, he noticed his friend shaking with rage. Lelouch looked ready to step in and defend him, but Suzaku shook his head. _Nothing good will come of this if Lelouch gets involved._

"Did you hear me, Kurugi?" snarled the gym teacher.

Suzaku locked gazes with him, remembering how Mrs. Kerr demanded eye-contact to showcase Britannian ways of respect. "Yes, sir."

"Good. Then get to it." The coach blew the whistle right into Suzaku's face.

The soldier took a deep breath and shot off in the pointed direction. Even the hard-level obstacle course here was ten times easier than his military training sessions, and his feet pounded on the firm turf as he raced around the lawn. He threw himself into his 'punishment' with abandon, narrowing his train of thought to focus on each part. He had a mission. His muscles ached, but it was a good ache—freeing, somehow. He scaled erected walls and jumped across sand pits, idly wondering what kind of school had access to such things, finishing the obstacle course in record time.

Lelouch was struggling with the easy-level obstacle course.

"Nicely done, Kurugi," Coach Ryder praised him, sounding like he'd choked on the words while swallowing tacks. "I'll decrease your detention time to only one week if you keep up that level of performance." He dismissed Suzaku abruptly, redirecting his attention to the flailing Britannian prince. " _Lamperouge_!" he shrieked, blowing on his whistle. "Run, you wuss! You're not even halfway done yet!"

Suzaku's face scrunched as he watched, and he pitied his friend. It seemed seven years had done nothing to help Lelouch's stamina. While Suzaku spared some disappointment for his friend's sake, a part of him was devilishly satisfied to find that Lelouch's strength and energy levels hadn't changed from their beginning. His Lelouch was still in there. It was comically pathetic to see the Lelouch actually _crawl_ to the finish line twenty-three minutes later, gasping for breath. The time gave Suzaku a chance to get over his embarrassing thoughts about his friend and cool down, though watching a sweaty and panting Lelouch did much to keep his blood heated. The soldier bounced easily over to the sickly-looking student and offered a hand. He didn’t think the proud prince would accept, but he had to offer, "Need some help?"

"Yes, please," Lelouch moaned, surprisingly, blinking sweat out of his eyes. "Carry me."

Green eyes widened. "What?"

"You heard me," Lelouch rasped.

Shirley and the blue-haired boy from earlier—the one Lelouch had been talking to that morning—ran up to the duo. "Lelou!" Shirley fretted. "Are you okay?!"

"Aw," the blue-haired Britannian joked, "Lelouch is worn out again from gym class. Hey, buddy, tomorrow we'll go gambling instead."

"You will _not_!" Shirley argued, poking the boy in the chest. "Rivalz, stop encouraging Lelou’s bad habits!"

Suzaku smiled at their antics, feeling some of his anxiety ebb away. He knelt next to Lelouch and grasped him by the shoulders, hauling him to his knees. "Come on, get up," he wheedled.

The other boy, Rivalz, noticed him for the first time. "Hey, you're that Eleven transfer student!"

Before Suzaku could answer, Shirley jumped in. "Yeah, and he's really nice! Lelou and I walked him to class." She smiled at Suzaku, openly pleased with their earlier interaction—or perhaps she was just admiring how Lelouch had made the first move to befriend a lowly Eleven.

"Cool," Rivalz said, his voice upbeat. "That's just like Lelouch. Always looking out for the little guy."

Suzaku bristled and forced himself to calm down. Rivalz probably hadn't meant to insult him—which was funny, because most people here did. He rotated a bit to face the two of them. "I'm Suzaku," he said, hesitantly smiling at his new acquaintances.

"I'm Rivalz!" the boy said, though Suzaku had already determined his identity.

Suzaku was no Lelouch, but he wasn't stupid. He opened his mouth to say something and froze as he felt weak hands scrabbling at his back.

Lelouch lifted himself up using his last reserves of strength and draped himself over Suzaku's back. He wrapped his arms around the younger teen's broad shoulders, and dug his knees into the tops of Suzaku's hips. "I'm ready to go," he rasped. "Don't worry, I have enough strength to hang on for the ride."

In jerky movements, Suzaku rose to his feet and reached back to support his friend's weight. He blushed as his fingers swept across Lelouch's hanging bottom, but it was the easiest place to put his hands. Excuses were handy inventions, and Suzaku was an expert at wielding them. "Why are we doing this again?" he asked with a distorted smile.

"Because I'm tired," Lelouch quipped, sighing in apparent contentment as he settled into Suzaku's hold. "And you're both my friend and an exercise nut, so I know I can trust you to carry me back."

"Whoa," Rivalz breathed, awestruck. "Man, he already trusts you?!"

Warmth spread through Suzaku's chest. "It wasn't easy to earn, you know," he said to Rivalz, focused more on Lelouch clinging to his back.

Rivalz shook his head. "Still, it was pretty quick. You've been here, what, a day?"

Snapping his mouth shut, Suzaku looked to the ground. In all the day's commotion, he'd forgotten that the others didn't know about his and Lelouch's shared past. He _knew_ it wasn’t a good idea to be close.

"He's my friend," Lelouch repeated in warning, his exhaustion evident but his steely contention undeniable.

"I get it, I get it," Rivalz conceded, holding up his hands in surrender. "Let's just go get changed. Hey Suzaku, man, tough break about your uniform. Some of the people here are real pigheaded bastards."

Suzaku shrugged, which wasn't easy to do with Lelouch wrapped around his shoulders. "I expected it coming in," he said flippantly and started shuffling back to the locker room. Shirley and Rivalz trailed behind, and Suzaku was glad they couldn't see the front of his shorts. He was tired and spent, but feeling Lelouch's body pressed so closely to his own was doing wonders for his libido. At least he could pass off the sweat and red face as side-effects from exercise. He hoped.

"Tomorrow," Lelouch piped up, "you can wear my uniform."

Suzaku walked in silence, processing Lelouch's offer. "How come?" 

Lelouch dug his chin into Suzaku's shoulder. "Because I won't need it. I'm going gambling instead."

Shirley immediately protested, but Lelouch closed his eyes and ignored her.

"You can come if you want," Lelouch murmured invitingly into the shell of Suzaku's ear, his lips lightly brushing the back of the brunet's lobe.

Suzaku stiffened in response. He couldn't suppress a shiver, and Lelouch's words made him think of the hour before, when he was barricaded in the bathroom stall, his clothed cock straining and Lelouch's name ringing in his head. It was almost like Lelouch was granting permission. "I'll think about it," Suzaku choked out, and he felt Lelouch's lips curve into a wicked smirk against the side of his neck.


	2. Growing Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented, left kudos, started following my Tumblr, etc. :D
> 
> Thanks to my lovely beta-reader, TheGeminiSage, for looking over this whale of a tale. She is love. ~~Go read her Undertale comic, Refuse.~~ :D
> 
> Please enjoy the slow burn romance. <3

"Cat hunt, everyone!"

Suzaku looked up from his battered school library textbook, grateful to abandon a complicated concept. As he listened to the announcement, he idly noticed sunbeams dancing lazily through the open air, illuminating the drifting specks of dust entangled in the light. Suzaku could relate; he was a dust particle. Only, he had a grand purpose. He was alone in an otherwise empty classroom, trying to get caught up on some extra work. His detention with Coach Ryder was set to start in an hour, so he had time to kill. ( _He was good at killing—_ ) He'd already tried to scrub his gym shirt clean, but all he'd managed to do was rub the graffiti further into the fabric. Lelouch had disappeared right after the last class had ended, and Suzaku hadn’t wanted to bother him by showing up uninvited at the Lamperouge suite.

Not that he thought Lelouch would mind so terribly much.

Lelouch _would_ mind the school's crazy shenanigans. Their seven-year separation notwithstanding, Suzaku knew this about Lelouch, at the very least.

"This is your Student Council president, Milly Ashford! There's a cat loose on campus, and it needs to be rounded up…"

Interest piqued, Suzaku slid to his feet. Cats were fast, but he thought he could catch one easily enough. What kind of soldier would he be if he couldn't capture one measly feline? And besides, maybe participating in a fun school-wide event would improve his social status. Maybe showing those racist Britannian boys what he was made of would change their minds. Suzaku had reason to fight.

"And when you do catch that cat, there's an extra-special prize! A big ol' kiss from one of the members of the Council!" the Student Council president cackled.

Suzaku slipped into the long hallway, falling into place behind a gaggle of schoolgirls.

"A Student Council member! Does that include Lelouch?" they giggled amongst themselves.

Suzaku stopped dead in his tracks. Even in Britannian culture, 'Lelouch' was an uncommon name. Thinking of Lelouch in the given context caused another odd thought to stray through Suzaku's mind like a pesky dust particle.   _If I caught the cat, could I win myself a kiss from my best friend?_ As soon as he thought it, Suzaku stomped that idea into the metaphorical ground, shocked with himself for the mere consideration. _If I ever do kiss Lelouch, I want it to be because of mutual affection, not because it's forced as part of the conditions of some game_. _That, knowing Lelouch, he probably never agreed to in the first place_. On that note, he didn't want any of those flighty schoolgirls to get near his friend's lips. _Yes, I have to protect Lelouch's virtue!_ Even Suzaku knew how far he was stretching it, but he felt he needed the ridiculous excuse. It kept him going.

He'd been determinedly dashing around for roughly ten minutes when he ran into a flustered-looking Lelouch—a much better find than the cat altogether.

"Suzaku!"

"Lelouch!"

Doubling over, Lelouch gasped for breath again.

The sight oddly enough reminded Suzaku of the end of gym class. Then he remembered the _beginning_ of gym class, and before his pants could tighten, he rushed to distract himself with a probing question. "Are you looking for the cat, too?" Suzaku gave Lelouch a shaky grin.

Lelouch's head shot up, his eyes wide and panicked. "Y-you're looking for the cat?" he asked warily. "Suzaku, don't—"

Nodding, Suzaku impatiently explained, "The Student Council president said to catch it, so I thought…"

"Please don't get involved with this," Lelouch said, violet eyes pleading with Suzaku to stay put. "I'll get the cat!"

Suzaku lifted his chin. " _You'll_ get it? Lelouch, you can't even stand!" His eyes narrowed critically as he looked his friend up and down—he was not checking him out, dammit, but god was that boy attractive—taking in his friend's pale face and dilated pupils. Lelouch was more disheveled than Suzaku had seen him yet; even his black hair was mussed from running. _Why in the world is Lelouch so scared of me finding the cat? Is it just me, or is he scared_ ** _anyone_** _might happen across the cat?_ He couldn't remember Lelouch being so frantic—except over Nunnally. But Nunnally, as far as Suzaku could tell, was no cat. Maybe he was missing something. It had been known to happen. Occasionally.

Lelouch stumbled closer to Suzaku, clearly winded from rushing all over campus. He collapsed against Suzaku's stronger frame, and Suzaku tried to stabilize him while steadying his own nerves at the close contact. "You'll just have to stay with me then," Lelouch whispered—just as a cat's meow echoed down from the top of the school bell tower above them.

Torn, Suzaku itched to lay his weak friend against a pillar and sprint up the stairs. But he wouldn't do that, not to Lelouch. "No, you'll just have to come with me," Suzaku decided and pulled the gasping Lelouch towards the top. He feared he was jerking the poor prince's arms out of his sockets, but Lelouch was lagging behind and Suzaku wanted to reach that cat. He couldn’t resist the urge to tease Lelouch about his stamina as they battled the steep, shadowy steps, and Suzaku found himself comfortable thinking of old times.

Lelouch always _had_ meant the world to him. Barring their disastrous first meeting, and the weeks of awkward disdain following, and the subsequent arguments they’d gotten into before giving friendship a try—okay, well, Lelouch had always been a driving force in his life. The resourceful prince had _become_ Suzaku’s world during the war, when reality was collapsing around them like the gunned down innocents, and the bitter Britannian boy was the one who’d shared his strength with Suzaku so he could continue forward. Lelouch had left enough of an impact that Suzaku could find his own footing after the royal’s contacts had whisked him and Nunnally away, and Suzaku had hoped every day since their parting that their paths might cross again. Lelouch had been dragged from him by force and necessity as children, but there was no way Suzaku was letting go of him _now_.

Suzaku then reluctantly let go of Lelouch's hand to pull himself out the tiny window cut into the roof, and he spotted the cat a little farther up. There was something black on its head, but—no, it was gone in the blink of an eye. Maybe he was seeing things; he was more focused on Lelouch than the cat anyway. He had to get his mind in gear. The plan was to climb up, gather the cornered cat in his arms, and return back to the safe interior of the tower—and to Lelouch. Of course, things were never that simple. As soon as Suzaku had scaled half the roof, Lelouch, tired though he was, tried to follow.

Then, Lelouch misjudged a handhold, started to slide, and yelped—alerting Suzaku to the imminent danger.

"Lelouch!" Suzaku screeched, an icy fear expanding in his chest.  _If he falls, he won't survive!_ Suzaku panicked. The hard ground rested four stories below, enabling dark promises of splattered guts.  _What would I do without him?_ Unwilling to go back to a life without Lelouch in it—been there, done that, it was godawful—Suzaku pushed himself down, ignoring any danger to himself so he could save his frail friend. He frantically grabbed Lelouch's hand, while the other grabbed hold of the windowsill; it wouldn't do if they _both_ fell to their deaths. ( _No, he wasn’t ready to face his—_ )

His heart pounding furiously, Suzaku hauled Lelouch to the window, not breathing until the other teen was safe in his grasp. Raking his eyes over Lelouch's shaken but unhurt body, he breathed a sigh of relief and a weak chuckle escaped his lips.

Lelouch beamed at him and shuffled a bit closer, looking for stability on the bright roof tiles. "Suzaku," he breathed. "Thank you." Violet eyes were wide but calm, and some of Lelouch's inner strength transferred over to Suzaku through their linked hands. It was reminiscent of all the close calls they’d saved each other from throughout the wartime.

"Pretty calm for someone on the verge of death," Suzaku pointed out breathlessly. His heart soared at their luck and he felt closer to Lelouch than he had since starting Ashford Academy. A refreshing breeze dried some of the sweat on his face. Suzaku gradually became aware of life beyond Lelouch—of rays of light and dust coating the sun-warmed roof, of the crisp-smelling air, of birds chirping underneath them from a nest in the bell tower rafters...

Lelouch's laugh threaded beautifully with birdsong. "Yeah, right! I was just limp with fear."

Suzaku smiled, still giddy with relief. The warm and grateful look on Lelouch’s face gave Suzaku butterflies in his stomach, which didn’t help with his dazed state. The top of a bell tower was no place to be dizzy, as Lelouch had just proven, and Suzaku's limbs started to shake in the aftermath of their latest near-death experience. "Go inside," he pleaded, nudging Lelouch towards the window opening. Maybe he didn’t need to physically prod Lelouch to safety—the Britannian genius was certainly capable of understanding verbal directions—but Suzaku just couldn’t help himself for some reason. He felt compelled. "I'll get the cat and join you."

Purple eyes scanned the top of the bell tower, then drifted to the left as Lelouch came to a decision. "All right," he relented at last. Then, to Suzaku's great relief, he slid inside the bell tower.

Suzaku counted to ten, regained his bearings, and turned to climb. Before he could start upwards, the cat scuttled down of its own accord, hopped into and out of his lap, and jumped right into Lelouch's waiting arms inside. Mentally shrugging, Suzaku followed and gave thanks for the solid floor once again under his feet. Under _Lelouch's_ feet.

"Here," Lelouch said softly, stepping closer. "After all that, you deserve him." As he finished speaking, he pressed the purring cat into Suzaku's arms. A deep chuckle emitted from his lips, and he squeezed Suzaku's shoulder appreciatively. "You should go on ahead. I have to do something real quick, but I'll be down in a moment."

It felt safer to look at the cat than at Lelouch. Suzaku's grip on the feline tightened, and the cat hissed its displeasure. Suzaku barely noticed. He wanted more than anything to stay by Lelouch's side. "I can wait for you," he offered, almost shyly. Suzaku normally handled himself quite well with people, despite any prejudices on the other party’s side. He could put on his best front and blend in with society as much as he was allowed. Suzaku was by no means timid, but oddly enough, now that he was anxious to be with his long-lost friend...

"No need," Lelouch said hastily. "I'll be right down." He smiled encouragingly at Suzaku and gave him a gentle shove towards the stairs.

Suzaku sighed but did as requested. He had such trouble denying his best friend, even now. When he reached the bottom, he was shocked to find a good portion of the student body waiting for him. The spacious courtyard was packed with students jostling each other on the pavement. "Huh?" 

"Good job, Suzaku!" Shirley exclaimed, running over. Rivalz followed quickly, also smiling. Suzaku relaxed at their friendly, familiar faces.

"So," boomed a blonde, emerging from the crowd. "This is the Eleven starring in all the rumors." She circled him, and Suzaku felt uneasy at the inspection. She was peering at him from all angles, and he didn't want her to look too closely. "You don't look dangerous," she concluded in a sweet voice. "You caught the cat and you saved our darling Lelou! Therefore, I say you must not be bad!"

Suzaku swallowed thickly. "Uh…"

The blonde moved to stand in front of him, unbearably close. "That cat was carrying something, wasn't it?" she asked slyly, leaning forward to furthermore encroach upon his personal space.

Sheepishly, Suzaku shrugged and smiled. "It was," he confirmed. "There was something on its head, but it must have slipped off when I wasn't looking." He automatically leaned back, trying to maintain distance from the invasive blonde girl. _Only Lelouch can be this close to me._ _Where is he when I need him?_

"And where's Lelou now?" Shirley asked desperately, echoing Suzaku's inner thought.

Suzaku smiled. "He'll be here soon," he promised. "He told me he had to do something, and that I should go on ahead."

"That's it!" the blonde screamed excitedly, pointing a finger at him. "The embarrassing secret that he's hiding!"

Suzaku blinked. _Lelouch is hiding something? I hope they're not onto his past! And his old friendship with me!_

"So that's it, Madame President?" Lelouch asked, walking out from the darkness to stand beside Suzaku. His presence calmed Suzaku's flurry of fears. "You staged this whole cat hunt just to embarrass me?"

"Yup," the blonde answered freely. "But you just had to ruin it. Man, after all these years, I thought I got some dirt on you!"

Lelouch suppressed a shudder.

"Yeah," Shirley teased. "He almost lost his cool for once."

Suzaku's smile grew as he turned to discreetly look at the prince. Lelouch had done well for himself, making kindhearted—if not completely weird—friends for himself. He almost gave in to jealousy, but Lelouch stepped in again and took him by surprise.

"Madame President," Lelouch said formally, addressing the blonde with grudging respect. "Would you permit Suzaku as a member of the Student Council?"

Suzaku's jaw dropped, and he held the cat tighter in his arms. _What did he just say?!_ The feline hissed again and promptly bit down on his fingers. The soldier gasped and dropped the creature; the cat, of course, landed on its feet. "Le-Lelouch," he said wonderingly. "Why would you…"

"Don't question it," Lelouch ordered, turning to fix Suzaku with his intense stare. "You're required to join a club anyway, so you might as well be with me while you're at it, right?"

A wave of dizziness overcame Suzaku, but at least he was on solid ground. "Yeah," he murmured, not knowing what else to say. "That sounds good." He wanted to hug Lelouch, but he didn't think the aloof prince would appreciate that effort. Then, after that, he wanted to smack Lelouch for bringing them closer together again. Didn't that blessed Britannian understand that they were better off apart? Honestly, Lelouch was _supposed_ to be _smart_.

The blonde blinked and stepped back. "Well," she said thoughtfully, "you _are_ the vice president." She looked between the two boys, and a wicked gleam sparkled in her eye. "I suppose I can't refuse."

"Do you two know each other?" asked a girl with reddish-pink hair, weaving her way to the front of the crowd.

"B-but, he's an Eleven," protested a short, green-haired girl wearing glasses.

Suzaku gaped at them, searching for his voice. "N-no, we just—" he started, but Lelouch forcefully interrupted him.

"He's my friend," Lelouch proclaimed loudly, the words ringing throughout the school courtyard. "My _best_ friend," he continued, stubbornly staring into Suzaku's eyes.

Suzaku's breath caught in his throat, and everyone else gawked. Many students sported horrified looks on their faces; Suzaku spotted several familiar profiles. In the crowd were the bullies from the hallway before first period, the proud Britannians from history class (there was Chloe's disgusted sneer, that Dixon kid's appalled face, that boy Fox’s scornful expression), the girls who'd fled from him that morning when he'd asked for directions… Suzaku wanted to weasel his way back to the military base, but Lelouch only stepped closer and linked elbows with him, radiating support. Students clumped together in groups and started gossiping, only a few not looking outraged or disbelieving.

" _Best_ friend?" the blonde president repeated loudly over the crowd, humming in her throat.

Lelouch smirked and nodded. "Yes," he confirmed quietly.

"Well," the blonde chirped cheerily, "that answers that. Okay, show's over, people! Everyone go back to club activities! All Student Council members, meet in the designated room!" She turned back to the two friends, blue eyes glittering with mischief, and reiterated, "And Lelouch? You can bring Suzaku with you." She motioned Shirley, Rivalz, the redhead, and the glasses girl across the lawn.

Lelouch heaved a sigh as he watched them go. "They're an odd bunch," he remarked wistfully. "But they're generally good people."

Suzaku nodded. In all his years, he’d never been as close to any friend as he’d been to Lelouch; even his fellow Honorary Britannian soldiers who technically shared his pain didn’t get him on such a deep level as the Britannian prince seemed to, even after seven years apart. Suzaku idly pondered if Lelouch thought the same way about _him_. He wondered if Lelouch could feel the pulsing connection in the air between them, too, linking them together in something special. _Or am I just another regular old friend, like those students on the Council? About them…_ "I don't want to invade your social life," he said, shifting awkwardly. Lelouch's arm around his was making his skin tingle, despite the barrier of clothing. "I mean, they're _your_ friends, so…"

"It's not like that," Lelouch rebuked. "You're not automatically their friend because of me. You have to earn their trust and friendship yourself; I'm just giving you an opportunity to get close to them and try." He smiled warmly in Suzaku's direction before untangling their arms. "Let's go. The Student Council meets in the Clubhouse Hall, which is the same building I live in."

"Oh," Suzaku muttered. "Lead on, then."

Before Lelouch could take a step, three boys surrounded them. By the harsh expressions on their faces and the rippling muscles apparent even under their uniforms, they looked to be a formidable force. Suzaku took a step back automatically, trying to keep the peace, but Lelouch held his ground.

The familiar boy in the middle leered. "Hey there, little Eleven fucker. Long time no see." His cronies laughed, and he had to raise his voice to be heard over them. "Good job finding the cat just now. Too bad I can't say the same about your books." He finally joined in the laughter, throwing his head back as the guffaws shook his body.

Suzaku lowered his head, brown bangs covering his eyes. His moment of victory hadn't lasted long after all. _Why can't they leave me alone?_

Lelouch's eyes narrowed and he took a measured step forward. "Well, well. Synclair Worth. Why does it not surprise me that you've taken to bullying Suzaku?" His jaw muscles worked as his teeth clenched, and he stared up into steely gray eyes.

"Well, well. Lelouch Lamperouge," mocked the ringleader. "Why does it not surprise _me_ that _you've_ taken a liking to society's trash?" Still chuckling, he made a show of holding his nose, gesturing to Suzaku. His two followers chorused beside him, "Ew! Ew!" They were like a gang of middle-school girls—more annoying than anything, but still hurtful in the end.

Suzaku cringed.

Lelouch glared. "Step aside and leave us alone," he ordered.

The three boys didn't listen, too busy looking at each other and laughing. Synclair Worth, the leader, only brushed his sandy-brown hair off his forehead and smirked. "Keep an eye out, losers," he warned. "You two may be 'best friends,' but Kururugi's an Eleven and _I_ have society on my side." Gray eyes glinted. With a cheerful wave, he gathered his two friends and called to Suzaku, "You got a little something on your head, you garbage pile. Maybe you should be more careful with your books, huh?” He chuckled, turned, and threw ominously over his shoulder, “See you before class tomorrow, little fucker!"

Raising his head, Suzaku watched them go with a defeated expression. Without looking at Lelouch, he explained weakly, "They…threw my textbooks at my head this morning.” As he finally admitted the truth aloud, he touched the cut on his temple to make the connection clear. “Then they took my books away."

Lelouch stared long and hard at Suzaku, purple eyes guarded. Finally, he just sighed. Disappointed. "Let's get to the Student Council. Everyone's waiting."

-+-

Suzaku's heart rate picked up as they neared their destination, just another sophisticated building that at first glance seemed like all the others dotting Ashford Academy's vast grounds. He wanted to grab onto Lelouch's arm again, but he shied away from the urge. His imagination kept replaying scenes of earlier in the locker room, and a million questions weighed on his mind. Humiliation and apprehension kept his mouth shut; he didn't want Lelouch to somehow sense the truth and be disgusted with him. _I couldn't bear it if Lelouch kept his distance, even though that's what I said I wanted._ "Thank you for everything," he mumbled, which honestly summed up everything, and kept his eyes on the grass. Except when he had to sneak glances at Lelouch because he was unable to help himself.

Lelouch grunted in acknowledgment. "I've done nothing you need to thank me for, Suzaku." He seemed at peace walking with Suzaku to the Student Council room if the content little smile on his face was anything to judge by.

Suzaku grinned, trembling a little as they entered the Clubhouse Hall, the cat trotting at their heels. His situation loomed over him like the bell tower loomed over the rest of the school. He was going to be spending time with Lelouch's friends, and he desperately didn't want to mess up. _I hope they like me._

With a nod of encouragement, Lelouch pushed open the door to the Student Council room and stepped inside. Breathing deeply, Suzaku followed.

"Lelou!" Shirley launched herself at him.

Something burned in Suzaku's belly at the sight. Burying any negative emotions, he glanced around the room. The bookshelves built into the wall spoke of practicality, and the purple rolling chairs around the central conference table spoke of comfort layering business. There was a scenic painting on the wall, and flowers on a stand of dresser drawers. Overall, it seemed welcoming enough. By far the most inviting sight was the collection of smiles pulling him in. 

The blonde president cheerily waved at him. "I'm Milly Ashford!" she introduced herself finally. "I'm sure you'll be a great addition to the Council, Suzaku. If Lelouch believes in you, I have to respect that; not many people earn our dear Lelouch’s trust so easily."

"I can imagine," Suzaku laughed. He smiled softly at another rediscovery that even after seven years, Lelouch was still Lelouch.

The redhead stepped forward. "I'm Kallen," she said, and immediately coughed and fell to her knees. At once, Suzaku knelt by her side.

"She's just sick a lot," Rivalz explained, leaning casually against the corner projector screen. "Nothing to worry about. She's not dying or anything."

"How rude!" Shirley exclaimed, backing off of Lelouch and glaring at Rivalz. "Don't take Kallen's illness so lightly!"

Kallen nodded her thanks and stood, wobbling unsteadily on her feet even as she used the sturdy table for support. Suzaku put his arms out to steady her, but she never fell over, and he eventually lowered his arms so he didn't look stupid. As if he didn't already. He looked around, feeling increasingly awkward.

The bespectacled girl from the courtyard was frozen in a corner, her shoulders stiff as she hunched over a desktop computer. She made no mention that she even recognized Suzaku's arrival.

"So, Suzaku," Milly said slyly, gliding over to stand beside him and regaining his attention. The sparkle in her eye was the brightest thing in the room. "You caught the cat, so you get to choose one of us to give you a kiss. Who oh who shall it be?" She flicked a mischievous gaze towards Lelouch, making Suzaku breathe a little heavier.

"No one," he said, hoping they couldn't read him like a book. He wanted to sink through the floor, or maybe merge with the walls. "I don't know any of you well enough to—I mean, besides Lelouch, but that is—"

Shirley shook her head, casting the Japanese transfer a sympathetic glance. "Milly, don't force Suzaku to choose someone. He's right; he doesn't know anyone. It's not fair to expect him to feel comfortable enough with one of us…"

Milly giggled. "But I promised that the winner could earn a kiss from a member of the Council. I won't go back on my word."

Huffing, Shirley flipped her orange hair over her shoulder and said, "But he doesn't _want_ to!"

They went back and forth, arguing over Suzaku's right to a kiss. Their debate was going nowhere, so Suzaku plopped himself onto a white futon couch along the wall to wait it out. He smiled brightly when Lelouch came to hover over him.

"This is ridiculous," Lelouch said quietly, but everyone heard and stopped what they were doing to stare at him. Purple eyes searched green, and Lelouch carefully nudged Suzaku's chin up with a pale index finger. Suzaku's breathing grew shallow, but Lelouch only leaned down and—at the last second—tilted his head to the side so his lips lightly brushed Suzaku's cheek.

Suzaku froze. His pulse was racing so hard he barely felt the gesture, and the room seemed to fade away. His fingers clenched around the couch cushion, and he couldn't help the near-inaudible whimper that escaped him as Lelouch pulled away.

Milly catcalled.

"There," Lelouch said softly. "Problem solved. Okay?"

Suzaku nodded numbly. "Y-yeah…" _Wow._

"Just like when we were kids, right?" the outcast prince reminded him, taking a seat on the couch. Again, Suzaku nodded.

Shirley's eyes bulged out of her head. " _What?!_ "

Lelouch redirected his attention to her. "Suzaku and I were best friends when we were young." He might as well have made a sign and tacked it to one of the numerous bulletin boards. Possibly framed. "I consider it good fortune that we ended up running into each other here."

Rivalz swung around, his crossed arms falling loose. "Whoa, really?! No wonder you trust him already."

Shirley pointed an accusing finger at Lelouch. "But…but you guys _introduced_ yourselves today!"

Suzaku raised his hand, forgetting he wasn't in class. "That was my fault. I thought it would be best if we pretended not to know each other." He glared at his best friend, eyes smoldering. "I still don't think you should've ruined yourself like that. I'm an Eleven, Lelouch, and not everyone is so accepting. Why make enemies for my sake?" _And he calls_ ** _me_** _stupid!_

Shrugging, Lelouch said, "Because you're worth it. We're best friends, Suzaku, and I've never forgotten." He glared right back, defiance flashing in his eyes.

Lelouch's adamant words soothed Suzaku's aching heart. "Me neither," Suzaku said.

"So trust me," Lelouch tossed back. "I know what I'm doing."

 _If there's anyone in the world I trust, it's you, Lelouch_. "I know," Suzaku said evenly. "I do trust you. I just don't want you to suffer because of me."

Lelouch shook his head, exasperated, but there was a small smile tugging at his lips nonetheless. "You worry too much. I'll be fine."

"Aren't they _cute?_ " Milly squealed. "Look at them, sitting together and having a heart-to-heart!"

Suzaku jerked to his feet. "Sorry!" he said frantically, as if 'having a heart-to-heart' was suddenly a crime.

"You've nothing to apologize for," Lelouch said, narrowing his eyes at Suzaku's attitude.

Suzaku winced, remembering something. "I do, though. I have to go—got detention earlier, remember?"

Milly waved her hand flippantly. "Oh, don't worry about that. I'll take care of it for you."

Suzaku stared at her unsurely. "Uh…" _Do I want to know?_

With a questionable smile, Milly drew him into a friendly, one-armed hug. "Oh, Suzaku," she said pityingly. "You don't know yet what it means to be part of Milly Ashford's Student Council."

"And with luck, he never will," Lelouch snorted. " _Your_ Council is just plain dangerous!"

"Don't worry, Lelouch," Milly said sweetly. "You'll always be my favorite."

Lelouch tried to sink into the couch. "That's what bothers me," he said dryly.

Everyone else laughed, even Suzaku, who didn't really understand what the big deal was. The cacophony of chortles seasoned the strange room with a kind of appealing charm, and Suzaku briefly wondered if those laugh-soaked walls would ever feel like home.

"So it's all settled," Milly proclaimed. "Suzaku's staying here, and we're going to name our newfound pet!"

"Suzaku?" Rivalz asked dumbly.

Milly frowned. "No, the cat!"

Lelouch caught Suzaku's eye and smirked, and Suzaku was suddenly under the impression that Ashford Academy wasn't _quite_ so bad after all.

-+-

That was the first night Suzaku dreamt of Lelouch.

_He was back in the bathroom stall, his pants around his ankles this time and his fingers around his stiff length. Every cell of his body was burning, but he could never get enough friction to bring about his release. He wasn't bothering to hold back, and Lelouch's name echoed off the walls. His hand sped up and he tensed, almost there—_

— _and the bathroom stall partitions melted around him, leaving him exposed in the school courtyard. The entire high school population was there, staring at him in horror as he groaned Lelouch's name and moved his hand. Without the stall to hold him up, he fell over onto the grass, his legs automatically parting so he had room to fist his cock. He wanted to stop—he didn't want to do something so private in front of everyone—but he was just so close…_

_The familiar jeers started, and Suzaku's head fell back, his eyes glazed with desire. A trickle of shame pooled in the back of his mind, but it wasn't enough to drown out his heated hunger for his prince. He couldn't focus on the onlookers' insults when his own body, mind, and soul centered solely on Lelouch. He thrust his hips upward, desperately chasing climax, and the hostile crowd of onlookers moved in closer, trapping him like enemy Knightmares cornering the weak._

_All of a sudden, Lelouch himself burst through the crowd of students and stood over Suzaku, arms held out protectively. "Stop!" he yelled, and no one moved any closer. "This is my best friend!"_

_Suzaku panted, his face flushed as he stared up at his friend. "Le-Lelouch…" he moaned, fingers tightening around himself._

_Lelouch turned to smile at him, kneeling next to him on the grass. "Don't worry, Suzaku," he murmured in that deep voice. Then, in front of everyone, he wrapped his own hand around the base of Suzaku's shaft. "Don't mind those hateful people. I'm not like them," he promised, experimenting with his ministrations upon his friend. "Suzaku, just come for me."_

_Suzaku's belly clenched, heat shooting straight to his groin. His eyes glazed over in the general direction of Lelouch's face, the shock at the other boy's words overshadowed by lust. Erection twitching in Lelouch's pale hand, Suzaku inhaled deeply. His body was tensing now, coiled and ready, his blood pounding a never-ending beat of desire. So close…_

_Just as he remembered—he couldn't do this, he couldn't feel this way—not about Lelouch…his vision went white—_

—and his eyes opened to darkness. His bed sheets were wet beneath him with an unmistakable sticky mess—one that he had no memory of letting happen.

Even in his dream, he hadn't given himself permission himself to come.

-+-

The following morning, Suzaku spotted his stolen textbooks on the bell tower roof.

-+-

"Are you ready to watch the master at work?" Rivalz asked excitedly, slinging an arm around Suzaku's shoulder as he added to the chatter peppering the subway car. Because all three of them couldn't fit comfortably on the motorbike, they'd opted to take public transport instead. Rivalz and Lelouch had just finished refreshing Suzaku's memory on the rules of chess, going over how each piece moved, and Rivalz was almost frothing at the mouth for Suzaku to see the game played out in practice.

Lelouch felt something clench in his chest at their physical contact, and his words came out sharper than he'd intended. "Don't say things like that, Rivalz." A glare formed on his face, warning Rivalz off Suzaku. It seemed awry that out of all the strange people sitting around, Rivalz would be the one to set off Lelouch's alarm bells.

But Rivalz didn't take the hint. He tightened his hold around the Japanese teen—just a friendly gesture—and pointed a finger at the chess mastermind. "Have you _seen_ yourself play, man?"

Suzaku awkwardly squirmed, glancing longingly towards Lelouch. A bystander hid his face behind a newspaper.

The undercover prince only narrowed his eyes.

"Because Suzaku hasn't," Rivalz continued babbling, "and he's _got_ to see you in action. And besides, you've been so busy lately that you haven't had time for the fun stuff! You really scared me earlier, saying you were gonna give up gambling…"

Suzaku blinked at that last little tidbit.

Lelouch heaved a sigh. "I was trying to get Shirley off my back," he explained. There was no need to get into how his masked alter-ego was interfering with the daily life of 'Lelouch Lamperouge.' In fact, this was the first gambling expedition he'd been on since that fateful day he'd ended up running into Suzaku and C.C. in the Shinjuku Ghetto.

"This is our stop," Rivalz proclaimed cheerily, standing as the subway slowed to a halt with a loud hiss of opening mechanical doors. 

Suzaku visibly relaxed once Rivalz wasn't touching him, and Lelouch felt lighter somehow for the same reason.

"Hurry, guys!" Rivalz enthusiastically called, jumping out onto the moderately-crowded platform. The Tokyo Settlement was always busy, but at least middle morning hours weren't too hectic. "Suzaku, you having fun yet?"

Suzaku only shrugged one shoulder, looking lost in the sea of people. "I don't know how you guys convinced me to skip school. If the Army ever finds out—"

Lelouch brushed past him, cutting in front of a high-class Britannian woman but slowing to let a random Eleven pass. "You worry too much," he chided, his voice a leading compass among the background conversations. "Just relax and enjoy yourself." He stopped and squeezed Suzaku's shoulder, raising an eyebrow when Suzaku actually leaned into his touch. "Nothing bad will happen," Lelouch continued offhandedly, confused by the twisting feeling in his stomach.

"Yeah, not like last time," Rivalz laughed, completely oblivious to the moment the other two were sharing.

"Last time?" Suzaku asked, suddenly moving away.

Lelouch felt the unpleasant bubbling sensation in his stomach intensify, but before he could say anything, Rivalz had already opened his mouth.

"We almost got run over by some huge gray truck!" Rivalz said, launching into story mode as he combed his fingers through blue hair. Both Lelouch and Suzaku stiffened; Rivalz kept right on speaking. "But it swerved and crashed, and Lelouch, being the good guy he is, went down to make sure everyone was a-okay, right?" He raised his arms in a 'what-are-you-gonna-do' gesture and walked even faster. "I know, I know, I should've gone, too…but hey, man, my bike was all messed up! Anyway, next time I looked up, the truck was gone—and so was Lelouch. I had to walk my bike back to school myself!"

Lelouch rubbed his forehead before facing Suzaku's inquiring gaze. He nodded once, confirming the secret truth and waited for the information to sink in. Walking quicker to keep up, he retreated into his thoughts. _If it wasn't for my gambling, then I never would have reunited with Suzaku—or gotten my Geass power._

"Oh look, we're here," Rivalz proclaimed and ran inside Babylon Tower.

Suzaku shot one helpless look at Lelouch before following.

The chess master went last, making sure the soldier didn't bail on them. It _had_ taken some convincing to get Suzaku to come along, and he wasn't sure himself why he wanted the other teen to come so much. When asked to accompany them gambling, Suzaku had predictably said 'no.' Lelouch had then given the younger boy his own gym uniform, as promised, and the brunet had put it on—or _tried_ to put it on; the shirt was just a little too small for someone with so much muscle. Lelouch had circled Suzaku critically, tugging on the shirt to make it fit right, pausing each time Suzaku shivered at an accidental brush of fingers against skin. The shirt just wouldn't sit right on Suzaku's frame, and Lelouch had given him an ultimatum: either go gambling with him and Rivalz, or go to gym naked.

(He'd also mentioned something along the lines of not wanting Suzaku to be singled out even more in that class—and going naked would almost certainly garner more detentions. And he'd hidden the graffiti-stained uniform, knowing Suzaku would be self-sacrificing enough to wear it again, donning his battered nationality with stubborn, righteous pride.)

Yesterday, Lelouch had left Suzaku alone in the locker room to give him space and privacy, sensing that was what Suzaku had needed. He would've liked to have stuck around—waiting for Suzaku was a perfect excuse to miss some of gym—but he'd thought Suzaku might have needed time to compose himself. Lelouch had even attended gym class, something he was notorious for missing, just for Suzaku's sake. As soon as Suzaku had jogged onto that field covered in red, he'd felt his heart twist in rage. His school—his supposed _liberal_ school—was hating on Suzaku for being Japanese. What hypocrites.

Later, after the cat hunt, Lelouch hadn't been too surprised when Synclair Worth showed up, running his mouth about Elevens. Lelouch bit back a growl. He hadn't used his Geass on the bullies when he'd ordered them to back off, not that it would have worked anyway without eye contact, and regret burned in his stomach. He took a deep breath. _They were only polluting the air with insults. They weren’t **really** hurting him, and I have to save my Geass for when it matters. But if they injure him worse than that little cut on his temple…_

Lelouch wouldn't have Suzaku go through that prejudice all over again, so he’d pushed his idea of bringing the soldier on a gambling expedition. Like before, Suzaku submitted to him, completely unlike his old self of seven years ago. It was natural for people to change—he'd changed himself—but didn't Suzaku know he didn't have to be submissive to _Lelouch?_

The elevator ride felt endless to Lelouch, weighed down by his plans and worries and doubts. There simply wasn't enough space in that small area to hold them all, and he felt suffocated by everything, almost like he was wearing Zero's mask. Suzaku looked to be of the same mind if his facial expression was any indication; only Rivalz leapt out the elevator in a joyful mood.

"I don't belong here," Suzaku mumbled, in the middle again. Lelouch fell into place beside him as they traversed the red-carpeted hallway to the private rooms. "Who rents these out anyway?" the soldier asked, casting a suspicious gaze on the gold-encrusted numbers on the doorways.

Lelouch kept his neutral gaze straight ahead. "Britannian nobles," he answered blandly. "They use these rooms for whatever they please. Sometimes they just want to gamble a nice game of chess, and sometimes they're looking for…pleasurable company."

Suzaku's eyes widened in disbelief. "You…you don't…"

"No, Suzaku," Lelouch cut in immediately, putting the brunet's fears to rest. "I would never do something like that." _What does he think of my character?_

The soldier nodded. "I didn't think you would," he said softly, with a touch of relief underlying his words. His gait grew slightly more natural.

Sensing how out-of-place Suzaku was still feeling, Lelouch moved a bit closer, bumping shoulders with his friend. Though they’d only been reunited for a few days, to Lelouch it felt like forever. Suzaku just _fit_ seamlessly into his life, like he belonged right in the center of it, and Lelouch believed that they understood one another better than anybody. At least, he’d never experienced such a deep connection with anyone _else_ —especially after, for all intents and purposes, such a short time spent in another’s presence. His heart _knew_ Suzaku, and interacting with Suzaku was easy and automatic in a way most unlike Lelouch's standard, planned, and cautious interpersonal strategies. "We're just here for chess," he reminded Suzaku. "I wouldn't let anyone…touch you…all right?" _I'd kill whoever tried!_

Suzaku nodded. "I _can_ take care of myself," he said with a slightly cocky grin, and Lelouch found himself reassured by his best friend’s returning confidence.

"Will you guys hurry up?!" Rivalz called back, waving them forward from an open door. "Sir Nobleman here wants his match!"

Lelouch only closed his eyes and continued walking at a slow pace, even as Suzaku automatically sped up. "I'll play when I'm good and ready," the skilled gambler said harshly. A ripple of anger coursed through his veins at the Britannian nobility's superior attitude, though more of his frustration was directed at Suzaku for succumbing to it.

When Lelouch finally stepped into the room, he was met with a new face. That was how it normally went. Every Britannian noble he'd played against in the past was too humiliated to square off with him again on the board; none of them wanted to be shot down twice by a mere high school student. Even though his skill was famous throughout the underground, there were always aristocrats who wanted to try a hand at beating him; it never happened, but some still tried anyway. At least they supplied a steady stream of opponents.

"What's _he_ doing here?" asked the Britannian noble, his high-class silk clothes askew on his well-pampered body. The abundance of rings and gold chains adorning the man made Lelouch sick to look at, and one fat, gold-decorated finger was pointed straight at Suzaku.

Lelouch held back a glare, not wanting to start a fight this early into their meeting. After all, he had to get the game moving first. "This is Suzaku," he introduced his Japanese friend, "and he is my guest of honor today."

"Your guest is an _Eleven?_ " the aristocrat gasped. "How inappropriate!"

Suzaku bowed deeply and started to edge nearer the door. "He's right," he mumbled. "I should go."

Violet irises swiveled to Suzaku. "Hold on," Lelouch barked, glad for once that Suzaku obeyed. Turning back to the nobleman, he almost growled, "Suzaku is my guest, meaning I invited him here. I am the only one who has the right to tell him to leave, and unluckily for you, I have no desire to do so. The way I see it, you have two options." He held up two fingers, careful to look down at the seated noble and meet his eyes to reflect a superior status. "One, you can insult me—your opponent—by asking Suzaku to leave. I'll go with him, and you're out a morning’s fun and possible winnings. Or option two, the one I'd choose if I were you, you get past the fact that Suzaku's here—because there's really nothing you can do about it—and we can continue on with our game of chess."

The noble's jaw dropped. Then, pulling himself together, he suggested, "I'll consent to him staying _if_ you throw him in as part of your offer." He rubbed his hands eagerly, the gold of his rings scraping against each other.

Face twisting with distaste, Lelouch chuckled darkly. "Agreed."

"Lelouch!" Suzaku and Rivalz exclaimed together in disbelief.

The teen chess master only smirked. "What's wrong?" he asked his friends. "Aren't you confident in my abilities?" _I'm sure I can handle this. Upping the stakes will just make my victory sweeter. And along those lines..._ "Since you changed some of the original terms," Lelouch said, trying to think beyond the swoop in his stomach at the idea of winning _Suzaku—_ or rather, Suzaku's freedom. It _would_ happen; on every level, in every context, every one of Lelouch's identities concurred on that point. Pausing for dramatic effect, Lelouch finally claimed to the nobleman, his attitude downright smarmy, "I will take _double_ the formerly set payoff when I win."

Nodding, clearly humoring him, the noble stroked his chin greedily. "My, I can't wait. An Eleven for a personal slave? And he's got such beautiful skin, too…"

Not able to hold back his glare at that, Lelouch gracefully slid into his wooden chair as if it were a throne. "Remember," he said clearly, "you'll have to win to get at him. If I win, he remains his own man and I get my doubled pile of winnings." _I can't afford to lose Suzaku, so there's only one option: Win._ The extra money was just an added bonus.

"Agreed," the nobleman said without hesitation. He moved a white pawn two spaces forward.

Suzaku trembled by the door, but sheer honor kept him from bolting.

Lelouch glanced back at him, smiling encouragingly, before moving the black pawn in front of his king. That was what he hated about playing a game from the beginning: He couldn't start with his signature move. It wasn't like the king could jump over pawns—no, the only piece that could jump others was the knight.

The game moved quickly, with Lelouch effortlessly predicting his opponent's moves well in advance. Excitement swelled inside him whenever he looked back and caught a look of admiration in those watching green eyes. He barely noticed Rivalz against an equally nondescript wall.

Suzaku sweated, watching Lelouch move a black knight two spaces forward and one square left, and Rivalz hung back next to him and chattered happily about Lelouch's skill.

At the end, the Britannian noble fell out of his seat, staring at the white king crushed in the black-haired boy's fist. "How…how could…?" he stammered pitifully.

"You nobles never learn," Lelouch taunted, standing up to give himself even more superiority over the sprawled man on the floor. "Now about my winnings…" _How pitiful. It wasn't even challenging!_

Suzaku slumped in relief.

"No, no, I refuse!" the aristocrat shouted, scrambling to his feet. "How dare you make a mockery of me, schoolboy?!"

Lelouch only calmly stared at him. "Suzaku," he said, without breaking his gaze. "Didn't we decide on the rules before the game?"

Licking his lips, Suzaku answered, "Yes, Lelouch."

"And what were those rules?" the teen chess player asked slowly.

Suzaku easily recited, "That if he won, he…got me…and if you won, I got to go free and you got your doubled winnings."

"Exactly," Lelouch said with a satisfied nod. "Sir Nobleman, don't you find it a little degrading that a teenage Eleven can remember the rules of a verbal contract and you cannot? My, what _is_ Britannia coming to?" _I can't believe I just used the word 'Eleven.'_ He shook off the disgust.

The noble's enraged scream got caught in his throat. "F-fine," he grumbled. "You'll get your money. I never want to see you again after this!"

Lelouch dipped his head in mock-respect. "That can be arranged." Turning slightly sideways, he gestured Rivalz and Suzaku out into the hallway. "I'll discuss some details with this _delightful_ gentleman and then we can leave." Once they'd dutifully closed the door behind them, he turned back to the noble, left eye glowing red. "In addition to my monetary winnings, you will give me your top-notch trailer—and promptly forget you ever owned it. You will also forget anything at all about this day except your defeat at my hands. If any in your circle ask about your trailer, you will think they are crazy. As soon as you are able, you will erase all evidence that links you to that mobile shack, as well as any evidence that points to me. You will never contact me again."

Without turning off his Geass, he thought of any other orders he could give this man. A burning rage flowed through him when he thought of how this man wanted to touch Suzaku, and Lelouch tacked on, "From this day on, you will never adequately please anyone in bed."

Though it was a selfish order for his own amusement, he felt better for having given it. This man deserved misery for implying—for wanting to—

 _No, I don't want to think it_.

As he turned his back, though, Lelouch couldn't help but agree with one thing the nobleman had said that day: Suzaku really _did_ have beautiful skin.

-+-

That night, Suzaku had another dream.

_He started off in the bathroom stall, like before. But this time, when the walls melted away, he was naked in the middle of a giant chessboard. The nobleman from earlier picked him up, and Suzaku shivered in the middle of his giant palm. He tried to cover his throbbing groin, but before he could move, he was snatched away—_

— _right into a colossal Lelouch's hand. "You can't have him," the Britannian boy boomed, his voice all the louder for being giant. "He is my honored guest!" He gently placed the Japanese boy back on the chessboard and followed, shrinking to match Suzaku's size. "I told you I wouldn't let anyone touch you," he said, purple eyes dark and promising._

 _Suzaku's cock twitched painfully. "But," he said boldly, "I want_ ** _you_** _to touch me!"_

_Lelouch looked taken aback—before he smiled and beckoned the brunet closer. "Of course, Suzaku; that can be arranged. I just wanted you all to myself. Just forget about them watching us, and come to me…"_

" _Them?" Suzaku asked warily, shuffling a step closer on command._

_Lelouch smirked and gestured to the surrounding chess pieces. Each one, regardless of color—black or white—and regardless of type—king to rook and everything in between—had acquired a jeering face. "Worthless!" they screeched, making the air around the board ring with hatred._

_Now that Lelouch had pointed them out, it was impossible to tune them out. Suzaku started to move again, but he hit some kind of barrier._

" _You have to go one step left or right," explained Lelouch. "You already moved two spaces forward. Knights can't go forward alone, Suzaku, and you have to play by the rules."_

" _But you're directly in front of me!" Suzaku protested, feeling the cold air wash over his nipples._

_Lelouch smiled gently. "Don't worry, Suzaku. You don't have to move alone. I'll come to you when it's my turn to play."_

_Sighing in defeat, the naked brunet moved one space to the left._

_At once, Lelouch moved a step forward. "Now," he directed, "move two spaces forward and one to the right. That'll land you right in front of me, and I can…tend to you." He licked his lips and waited for Suzaku to move, then lunged forward for a kiss the second Suzaku was in front of him._

He woke right before dream-contact, choking back a sob so he didn't wake Lloyd and Cecile nearby. Tan fingers gripped the pillow; his conscience wouldn't allow him to grip himself.

 _-_ + _-_

Suzaku would rather fight terrorists than listen to Shirley confess her true feelings for Lelouch. Yes, he’d suspected all along that the orange-haired girl had _feelings_ for the enigmatic Britannian boy, but he felt sick to his stomach as if he’d eaten Miss Cecile’s cooking as Shirley got all flustered and confirmed her crush. The Student Council room felt more alien than during his initial visit. Forcibly squashing his nervousness and jealousy down—Suzaku could not afford to instinctively show negative feelings, lest one leak spill the rest of the darkness inside him—the brunet lightly teased the girl and ended up digging his hole a little deeper. Even as he softly observed, with no trace of his true feelings, “You fell in love with him,” a voice in his mind was whispering, _It doesn’t matter what Shirley feels. It only matters what **Lelouch** feels_.

But what _did_ Lelouch feel?

For that matter, what did Suzaku _want_ him to feel? What did Suzaku _himself_ truly feel? The disciplined soldier was well aware by this point that he was _attracted_ to his best friend, that he felt a stronger bond with Lelouch than with anyone else on the planet, that their close friendship laid a strong foundation should they decide to build romance on top of it, that he and Lelouch worked well together in everything else they did so why would dating be any different…

But Suzaku hadn’t made up his mind about whether he’d actually _pursue_ the charming prince. He had intense feelings for the other boy, affection and friendship and lust twisting his insides into knots and unraveling in wet dreams; however, because he _had_ those feelings didn’t mean he should necessarily _act_ on them. While he hadn’t planned on it, now that Shirley was making her feelings clear, the stakes were up. If he _did_ want to see whether or not Lelouch returned interest in him, he should probably poke his nose into the matter sooner rather than later.

The idea caused guilt to pool in Suzaku’s stomach. His hands were stained with his father’s blood, invisible to the naked eye but etched deeper, where it mattered. A charismatic prince deserved someone better than a tainted murderer. Lelouch deserved someone nice, sweet, and pure—someone like Shirley. On the flipside, someone as wholesome as Shirley conversely deserved Lelouch. Seconds later, desire and adoration for the violet-eyed Britannian boy drowned out the guilt, and Suzaku couldn’t help but wonder…

 _What **does** Lelouch want?_ Suzaku’s feelings were a moot point if the other teen didn’t return them anyway. Then there would be no decision to make, so there would be no need to worry like this. He had to dig for hints, which might essentially prove difficult because Lelouch was so closed-off. But then, if there was anyone besides Nunnally that Lelouch let his guard down around… _I have everyone beat there_ , Suzaku inwardly crowed. The remembrance gave him hope. He could do this. He would discover Lelouch’s romantic preferences if it killed him. ( _He would do almost anything if it promised to kill him—_ )

Suzaku didn’t feel comfortable asking his best friend about _himself_. Way too awkward. Shirley, though… Or Kallen, whom Shirley was jealous of over Lelouch for some reason. The information raised Suzaku’s hackles. Now he had _two_ girls he had to worry about losing Lelouch to, not to mention the ice prince’s hordes of fangirls all over the school.

“Which is why in this case, it’s best to ask him directly,” Suzaku cheerfully proclaimed, inwardly screaming, _Tell me you don’t like them, Lelouch. Let me know if I have a chance!_ He felt ashamed as he wrestled with his doubt, like he was using Shirley to get to Lelouch, but he rationalized that it was simple data gathering. No matter how it turned out, even if Lelouch _did_ prefer one of those girls, at least he’d know and then he could deal with it.

As he listened to the continuous ring on the other end of the line, he pondered and wished, _Lelouch, tell me you at least like guys. I need to know if my dreams can ever come true_. More and more, Suzaku started leaning towards acting on his feelings on the off-chance that Lelouch lov—liked him back. His hopes grew and overshadowed the internal doubt and shame, influencing his conditional decision. “On your behalf, I can ask him how he feels about you,” Suzaku offered to Shirley, who immediately freaked out and started fighting him for the phone.

“Are you nuts?!” Shirley raved. “No way, I don’t need your help!”

“Just relax, it’ll be fine!” Suzaku consoled her, the words just as much for his own benefit. “Aw, c’mon, let me handle this for you,” he pleaded. _For both of us_.  “I’ll be discreet. It should be fine!” In their struggle for the phone, they fell to the ground and blushed as they landed in a compromising position. _Funny_ , Suzaku noticed _, we’d both rather be lying on the floor like this with Lelouch_. His mind flashed with an image of a pale, black-haired Britannian boy underneath him, staring up at him with lidded purple eyes and an inviting tilt of his chin. _No!_ he roared at himself. _I can’t let myself think like this. I can’t actively fantasize about him at school, especially when I’m on top of a girl who’s crushing on him, too_. Having competition for Lelouch’s attention made him feel hollow inside, which was odd because he’d thought he was completely empty anyway after what had happened with his father.

As Arthur bit his hand, Suzaku scrambled off Shirley. Craving Lelouch so desperately tempted him to abandon his white knight morals, and he wondered about the right thing to do.

-+-

"So, did I do it correctly?" Suzaku asked, his voice pulling Lelouch from his thoughts.

Lelouch had been having trouble all morning focusing on Nunnally's voice as she taught them how to fold paper cranes on the veranda. He had too much else on his mind, such as mulling over his humbled defeat in the Saitama Ghetto. If C.C. hadn't covered for him, he'd be dead—or worse, exposed—by now. Still, at his friend's question, his lips tilted upwards in a smile. _Being around Suzaku always makes me feel better. I swear I will never let anything separate us again! Not only for our sakes, but for Nunnally's as well_. As soon as his role as Zero ended, he could give them one-hundred percent of his attention—but for now, while the world was still rotten, he had a job to do.

"Let me feel," Nunnally said, her questing fingers fluttering lightly over Suzaku's first attempt at a paper crane. "Yep!" she giggled and sipped some tea. "Couldn't have done it better myself!" She turned her head in her brother's direction, asking, "What about you?"

Lelouch looked down at the wide spread of untouched tissue paper before him. "Uh," he said, adopting a sheepish tone, "Not so good." He met Suzaku's questioning eyes, then hurriedly looked away. He wasn't in the mood to be interrogated.

"Do you need some help?" Suzaku asked, laughing a bit. Without waiting for an answer, he reached over to pick up the sheet of tissue paper—just as Lelouch did the same thing. Their fingers brushed against each other and Suzaku froze, a light blush spreading over his cheeks.

Squinting his eyes quizzically, Lelouch retracted his hand. "Go on then," he ordered softly. "Show me how."

Nunnally giggled. "Don't you ever pay attention, brother?"

Lelouch forced himself to chuckle, keeping his gaze trained on his Japanese friend. _I always pay attention to Suzaku._ The brunet was fumbling with the tissue paper, his fingers clumsy and unsure as he folded and refolded the would-be crane. Shaking his head, Lelouch smiled amusedly at his friend before asking, "Are you _sure_ you made that last one all by yourself?"

Suzaku stopped what he was doing, and his cheeks colored even darker. "Y-yeah," he stammered, finally finishing something that might resemble a crane—if a blind person had done it. Except that Nunnally's cranes came out looking picture-perfect, and she'd been blind for most of her short life.

"Don't tease Suzaku," Nunnally scolded her brother. She was busy folding her own crane again, a knowing smile on her face—almost as if she knew the two boys were staring at each other again. "Do you know, Suzaku, about the legend of the thousand cranes?"

Suzaku jumped in his seat, green eyes wide and warm. "Yes, it's an old Japanese tale," he said reverently. "When you fold a thousand cranes, your innermost wish will come true." He glanced at Lelouch quickly before turning his stare to the grass.

Lelouch blinked, tilting his head. His heart started pounding at the look on Suzaku's face. _Why is my heart thumping so fast?_ Before he could analyze the situation, Nunnally opened her mouth.

"Lelouch says he doesn't wish for anything, and I want a gentler world. Suzaku, what do you want most?"

Suzaku's breathing grew shallow. "What do I want _most?_ " he repeated, blushing and glancing at Lelouch again. Twiddling his thumbs, he shifted in his seat and finally said in a strangled voice, "You and I want the same thing, Nunnally."

Lelouch's blood started to race even more at that second look, and he crossed his legs under the table. _The way he's been staring at me… I just don't_ ** _get_** _him sometimes. Why did he look at me like that? What does he want from me?_ Lelouch shook his head, purple eyes widening a bit as an impossible idea struck him. _Does he suspect me? Does he know I'm trying to create their perfect world as Zero?_

Without thinking, Lelouch idly snatched Suzaku's crooked crane and reworked the kinks. Long, slender fingers smoothed out the uneven creases and folded the tissue paper into its ideal, picture-perfect form. _That's right,_ the undercover rebel leader mused as he looked over their shared handiwork. _When Suzaku and I join forces, the results are nothing short of miraculous. Like with this crane, we could remold the world into perfection. Together._

Suzaku beamed at him from across the table and trailed a fingertip across the newly-improved origami bird. "Wow, Lelouch. I guess you were paying attention after all!"

Nunnally giggled in the background.

A self-satisfied smirk stole onto Lelouch's face. "You've started on your wish," he remarked casually to the soldier, continuing their conversation. "Only 999 more to go."

Suzaku's face fell. His shoulders sagged, and he sighed. "That's going to take me a while. And even then, there's _zero_ chance of my wish _actually_ coming true."

Lelouch froze, remembering again where Suzaku stood on the whole Zero matter. Scrambling for words, he attempted to sound normal as he countered, "Nothing is impossible if you try." He gathered his control. He would not force Suzaku to join him, and there was no way he was going to scoff at the superstitions of the ancient Japanese legend—not in front of Nunnally. Just like the pinky promise, the paper cranes symbolized the hopes and dreams and trust in the future—the future he would personally make.

Nunnally nuzzled her latest crane creation. "That's right, Suzaku. Little by little, the world is changing. We just need to pray it goes in the right direction. Then our wish will come true."

"It will?" Suzaku asked, green eyes sweeping over Lelouch. Then, he shook himself, letting his eyelids fall shut. "Right. The gentler world. The wish. Got it." He slumped forward over the table, crushing one of Nunnally's cranes in the process and almost spilling a teacup.

Raising an eyebrow, Lelouch looked the soldier over. _There's something he's not saying. He lied about his wish. What is so important to him that he can't even mention it in front of us? Is his secret like mine?_ Reaching for more tissue paper, he started folding it in different directions. He wasn't trying to make a crane; he just wanted to keep his fingers busy while he thought. Glancing at Suzaku half-draped over the tabletop, Lelouch announced, "You know, I do have a wish."

Suzaku lifted his head, green eyes shining with intense curiosity. Nunnally's fingers paused, and her blind face turned towards her brother.

"It's a secret," Lelouch said, chuckling. Violet eyes met green, burning with intensity. No, he would not force Suzaku to join him via Geass. But he could hope with all his might. _I wish Suzaku would stand by my side. Forever._

-+-

The dream came to Suzaku that night, as usual.

_He was outside, seated on the Lamperouges' veranda. Nunnally and Lelouch were there, the handicapped girl continuously folding tissue paper into delicate little cranes. Lelouch was gazing at him with lust—backed by something deeper—and Suzaku was sure his eyes reflected the same._

_Lelouch linked hands with him under the table, and Suzaku felt a smile slipping onto his face at the action. Nunnally, literally blind, was unable to see their closeness, to see how Lelouch was guiding Suzaku's fingers to the prominent bulge in his pants._

_Suzaku exhaled noisily, clenching his fingers tight around the other boy's clothed erection._

_Lelouch—sensitive Lelouch—couldn't hold back a moan._

_Nunnally looked up worriedly and asked, "Brother, are you all right?"_

_Lelouch only nodded, unable to formulate words. Suzaku moved to pull his hand away, but Lelouch only grabbed onto the brunet's wrist and pressed it harder against himself. "Ngh," he groaned, his head whipping from side to side in the most erotic dance Suzaku had ever seen._

_On impulse, Suzaku climbed into Lelouch's lap and began to grind their groins together. They both hissed at the pleasure, rocking against each other in an even greater frenzy. The silence around them was unnerving, and Suzaku felt constricted in his clothes. Lelouch must have shared his sentiment because he started undressing him and flinging his clothing everywhere—including onto Nunnally._

" _Brother?" squeaked the young blind girl, a vague hint of suspicion in her tone. Suzaku's Ashford uniform hung off her head._

_Suzaku only shook his head, not wanting to deal with his surrogate little sister's interruptions—not when he had Lelouch willing and ready under his hands. He thrust again—thanking every deity he knew that Nunnally was blind—as he rubbed himself all over her big brother._

_Lelouch was fumbling at his pants button when the flock of paper cranes surrounded them. There must have been a thousand in all, and each one sported tender lavender eyes—Nunnally's eyes, Suzaku realized with a start. She was watching them with intense disapproval, and the paper cranes looked ready to swoop in and peck him off Lelouch._

_Suzaku paused, almost sobbing at the abrupt lack of movement. "Please," he begged, though he wasn't sure if he was asking Nunnally to accept them or if he was asking Lelouch to finish him off._

_All at once the cranes moved, flying in to bear him away from Lelouch. He stretched, reaching for his best friend, but the cranes forced him up into the air, away from his precious Britannian boy. He screamed for Lelouch, but Nunnally's wish—come true by the full thousand cranes—carried him away._

_He twisted in their paper-wing grip, but not even a soldier as skilled as he could escape the murderous will of an overprotective little sister. His arousal weakened by fear and loss, he cried out—_

—and woke with tears streaming down his cheeks.


	3. Figuring Out Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented, left kudos, started following my Tumblr, etc. :D
> 
> Thanks to my lovely beta-reader, TheGeminiSage, for looking over this whale of a tale. She is love. ~~Go read her Undertale comic, Refuse. :D~~
> 
> Please enjoy the slow burn romance and let me know your thoughts. <3

"'Zero will lead a band of Eleven zombies on the monarchy.'"

Thunder rumbled in the distance. Dark storm clouds hung low, concealing all but a few weak shafts of faded yellow sunlight and a tinge of green overlaying the afternoon sky. The wind picked up, tossing stray leaves, and then abruptly died down again. Raindrops sagged at the bottoms of clouds, but did not yet plummet to earth. Zero's Eleven zombies would have had a field day in the gloomy atmosphere.

Inside Ashford Academy, there was no trace of the pending storm. Stacks of paperwork lay untouched on the main table in the Student Council room. Beneath the flickering overhead light, the ever-diligent vice president sat at the head of the table, studiously ignoring the school budget so he could read political magazines instead. On the cover of each was an image of the masked terrorist Zero. Some of the articles focused on discerning his identity; others speculated on what his next move would be. Lelouch smirked as he read, chuckling a little sardonically at some of their wild guesses.

"What is this, science fiction?" he asked himself, raising an eyebrow. Tossing that magazine aside, he picked up another. He flipped it open to the middle and read, "'Zero is a Britannian conspiracy meant to supply the Numbers with false hope.'" Brow furrowing, he glanced out the window and sighed through his nose. _Talk about stormy._

The door opened and closed, admitting a second soul into the room. Lelouch kept his gaze trained on the pages.

"Um, Lelou?"

Reluctantly, Lelouch raised his head. "Yes, Shirley?" he asked coolly. He politely made eye-contact with her, even though he really wanted to shut her out so he could get back to reading.

Olive green eyes shimmered a bit, and Shirley leaned forward, wringing her hands. "W-well, see, a group of us are going to the movies tonight and…well, I thought you might be interested in coming along!" Her mouth set in a determined line, and she positioned herself squarely in front of him, waiting for a response.

Lelouch closed his eyes, blocking out the sight of her pleading face so he could think objectively. It wasn't that he didn't want to go—Shirley was his friend, and he had fun with her—but he had too much on his plate now to worry about something so insignificant as a social life. _I have plans, and she can't be a part of them. Somehow, I don't think she'd be interested in recruiting rebels to possibly war against Britannia._

Shirley shifted from side to side as she waited for Lelouch to make up his mind. "The movie starts at seven," she informed him, probably thinking he needed more concrete details before coming to a decision. "It's one of those really popular action films, so it won't be all gooey and girly, if that's what you're worried about. Uh, Milly and and Rivalz are going too and, er, we don't know if Nina's coming yet, but—well, I thought I'd ask you and, and, we—er, _I_ —wanted you to come since it's been awhile since you've come out to things!" Her tone was near desperate when she said, "We're all meeting up at—"

"Sorry, Shirley," Lelouch cut her off, opening his eyes. He had a phone appointment with that man Ohgi from Shinjuku that was far more important than any social outing. "I'm a bit busy tonight. Maybe some other time."

Taking a step backwards, Shirley nodded. "Y-yeah, sure," she said, red staining her cheeks. Her voice was watery from trying to hold back tears, and her throat seemed clogged with emotion. Like the impending tempest outside, she was a storm waiting to break. Obviously trying to be brave, she forced a "Whenever you're free" through her lips. "Maybe it was too bold of me to ask." She lowered her head, bangs falling in front of her eyes, and her lip quivered with rejection. Her shoulders shook, her energy sapped.

 _That's odd. She's acting a little off today. More so than usual._ Raking his eyes over her dejected form, Lelouch finally put to words the niggling sensation that had been in the back of his brain for months. _She likes me._ A small sense of wonder blossomed in his chest, but it wasn't enough. Lelouch felt a pang of empathy for Shirley, but he wasn't about to give in to her feelings when he didn't return them. Putting more effort into his tone, he promised noncommittally, "Someday soon."

Shirley nodded again and, recognizing his dismissal, almost ran towards the door. "See you later, Lelou," she said, voice high-pitched.

Lelouch didn't bother to respond, choosing instead to go back to his magazines. Ten minutes later, he was interrupted again.

"Hey, Lelouch!" Suzaku greeted, slipping into the seat beside him.

Violet eyes swiveled to face the newcomer, though this time there was considerably more warmth reflected in them. "Hello, Suzaku," Lelouch murmured, his voice low and deep. He looked out the window; the weather seemed better already. Calmer. Safer. "I thought you had military duties today."

Suzaku shrugged sheepishly. "I did, but they let me come for the extracurricular stuff. Where is everyone? Don't we have a Student Council meeting today?"

Lelouch put his magazines down. "Milly left me the paperwork to do," he explained, nodding with his chin to the pile of papers halfway down the table. "Everyone else is getting ready to go to the movies. If you're interested?" he asked, meeting the soldier's eye. Suzaku could stand to improve his social life, in Lelouch's opinion. _Surely all that military isn't good for him_.

Suzaku blushed when they made eye-contact but didn't lower his gaze. "Is that an invitation?" he asked slowly—hopefully?

Lelouch maintained eye-contact as he answered, "Oh, I'm too busy to go, but I’m sure the others would enjoy your company." If Suzaku wasn't going to look away, then he wouldn't either! _I'm too competitive for my own good when he's involved._

Suzaku murmured, "Ah," and broke his gaze to stare transfixed at the table. "Well, I was planning on going out somewhere else tonight anyway," he threw out after a moment of contemplative silence. "So I couldn't go to the movies even if you _had_ asked me." He clearly hadn’t heard that last part—either that, or he didn't care.

Lelouch blinked. _Is Suzaku being…defensive?_ He leaned his elbow on the table and put his cheek on his fist, staring lazily at his friend out one purple eye. "Oh, where are you going?"

Suzaku's head dropped. "Okay, I lied. I have no plans. I have reservations at seven to check out this new restaurant called the Orange Café, but I don't want to go by myself. I was going to go with some people from work, but something came up last minute, so…" He turned his head, seeking an answer to his unspoken but glaringly obvious question.

Catching on easily, Lelouch shook his head. "I'm busy, remember?"

"O-oh, right," Suzaku stammered and looked down at his lap. He fidgeted, and his blush deepened to a vivid red as it spread across his face. "I understand, of course," he said quickly, almost tripping over his words. "I know you have a life and you have things to do, and then I know you don't ever want to leave Nunnally, so it was kinda stupid of me to…well, anyway, I just wanted to say something—just in case, you know? I don't mean to—I just—the military takes up a lot of my time, so—"

Lelouch sat up straight, frowning thoughtfully as he stared at his flushed, stammering friend. "Suzaku."

Breathing heavily, Suzaku looked up then, his eyes clashing with Lelouch's. His face still red, he tore his gaze from Lelouch's and jumped to his feet. "W-well, no biggie. We'll catch up...catch up l-later or some-something, 'kay?" He turned towards the door, shoulders shaking the tiniest bit, and said, "I miss you—er, I miss _hanging out_ with y-you, so whenever you get a m-moment, uh, call me up!" He took a step forward and tripped over his chair; without looking at what he was doing, he righted the furniture and sped to the door. He fumbled with it (seemingly forgetting that it was automatic) and heaved a sigh when it finally opened, throwing out a squeaky, "See ya, Lelouch!" over his shoulder as he fled.

Lelouch stared at the closed door for a long, uncomprehending moment. "That was…odd," he said to himself. "It was almost like—" he continued, trying to put his finger on a viable solution. He sat straighter, lifting his chin and narrowing his eyes at the door, his gaze sharp and slightly astonished. _No way!_ "But could that be the case?" His heart started to pound at the possibility. A shiver raced down his spine, and he gripped the back of his chair so tightly his knuckles turned white. With the idea in mind, he started to recount his recent contact with Suzaku. It had only been a couple weeks since they'd reunited at school, but they were closer than most teens their age and they always tried to make time for each other ahead of anyone else.

 _He_ ** _has_** _been acting weird ever since we met again_ , Lelouch thought. The sky darkened again, but this time without the sickly green tint. It was all in the details.  _He blushes, stammers, freezes up, sweats, shivers, and jumps at physical contact. He always wants to be near me, and he'll go out of his way to make me happy._  Lelouch ticked off each point on a finger, drawing parallels where appropriate. Things were coming together. (He was much better at making connections than those magazine authors.)  _He might've just tried to ask me out._  Lelouch's stomach flipped giddily. _He kept looking at_ ** _me_** _when we were talking about the thousand-crane wishes…_

 _I might be jumping to conclusions_ , Lelouch reminded himself, shaking his head. _That might not be it at all. Maybe Suzaku is just embarrassed about something else._ He ignored how his stomach suddenly clenched at the thought. _I have to look at this logically_ , he reflected, coaching himself into his practiced way of thinking. _It could be any number of things, but for now, I have to pursue the most obvious lead. If the pieces line up…_

Dizzying numbness swept through Lelouch at the prospect. Nerves tingling, he absentmindedly dropped his magazine on the pile; he didn't even notice it was skewed compared to the others. _Can't believe..._ Lightning flashed just as he looked out the window. Even though the world outside was steadily growing darker, the colors seemed sharper and brighter than before. _Suzaku might..._ All of Lelouch's senses were heightened, and his brain was racing with Suzaku's image in mind. The air was electric around him, and there was matching lightning inside his veins. He could barely concentrate, he was so stunned and overwhelmed with feeling. _Me and him…_

Thunder boomed, jerking Lelouch out of his stupor. _First things first, I need to test my theory._ It took him ten seconds to decide on a course of action. Face hard and determined, he swiftly rose from his seat and strode towards the Student Council computer; in the back of his mind, he was glad that for once, Nina wasn't hogging it. His fingers flew over the keyboard as he looked up 'Orange Café, Area 11' in the Biglobe search engine. Purple eyes scanned the address that popped up, and Lelouch memorized the restaurant information. "It's semi-casual," he noted, trying to picture his closet. He was sure he had something appropriate, and he had a little over three hours to get ready.

Abandoning his paperwork to Arthur, Lelouch almost floated back to his room, still toying with the idea of Suzaku liking him.

-+-

"Have you come up with a name for your little pawns yet?" asked the immortal witch perched on his bedspread. Her arm dangled off the edge, hand hovering over an empty Pizza Hut box. His bedroom had been clean and organized before her arrival. It had also smelled less like cheese, tomatoes, grease, and regrets.

Lelouch didn't spare her a glance, instead rushing to throw open his closet. "As a matter of fact, I have," he answered her, still without looking. His hanging clothes were arranged primarily by fabric type and texture; tonight, he would go off of feelings. On autopilot, he continued, "They'll be called the Black Knights. With my guidance, they will surely topple Britannia."

C.C. stared at him, watching with a bored look on her face as the boy yanked out random articles of clothing. "What a clever little name. Did you come up with that one all by yourself, Chess Master?"

Lelouch finally swirled to face her, a glare distorting his delicate features. "Shut _up_ , witch," he hissed. "I don't have _time_ for your nonsense right now. I'm _busy_." Inwardly panicking, he spun around, turning his attention back to his closet. A dress shirt slipped off its hanger and crumpled into a wrinkled mess, but Lelouch paid it as much attention as he'd paid the witch.  _I only have three hours to find something suitable for Suzaku!_

"Are you looking for your costume? It's in the wash."

"I wasn't, actually," Lelouch growled before staring at C.C. incredulously. " _Why_ is my Zero outfit in the wash?"

The witch's lips spread in what could have been called a smile, except she didn't smile. Not really. Not around Lelouch, at any rate. "Oh, don't worry," she assured him flippantly. "I made sure no one would notice; it's mixed in with your school jackets. Unless someone takes your laundry out, no one will see it."

Lelouch's eyebrows drew together. "That _wasn't_ what I was asking."

"I had to get the melted cheese out of the zipper teeth," C.C. explained simply.

Starting to shake, Lelouch hissed in a low voice, "And _why_ was there melted cheese near my costume?" 

C.C. continued to stare at him, the bored expression never leaving her face. "Because I was eating pizza." She drummed her fingers on the cardboard pizza box. "While I was wearing the Zero costume, I mean."

Lelouch very nearly fell to his knees. His teeth clenched, and he closed his eyes, mentally counting to ten to try to calm down. It didn't work, so he tried again; he ended up counting to a hundred before his muscles started to relax. "Did anyone see you in the laundry room?" he demanded, starting to panic again.

"No, but Nunnally knows I was washing your clothes," C.C. said. "She thinks it's cute of me to take care of you like that."

Glaring, Lelouch growled, "I don't _need_ you to take care of me!" _I don't need anyone!_

"Naturally," C.C. agreed. "I'm not here to babysit you. I'm just sticking around until you fulfill your side of our contract."

Lelouch turned fully back to his closet and started to rummage hastily through some jackets. "What _do_ you want anyway?"

"I'll tell you all in good time," the immortal promised, almost sweetly.

Lelouch tensed up again. "The sooner you tell me," he muttered, "the sooner I can give you whatever you want—and then we can both go our separate ways."

C.C. mockingly chuckled. "Eager to get rid of me, are you?"

A fond little half-smile wormed its way onto Lelouch's face, and he was grateful his head was buried in his closet. The witch could irritate him like no other, but she was also something of a confidante. At least about the whole Zero thing. While most days he wanted to strangle her, despite her immortality, he'd gotten used to her annoying presence and unhelpful comments. _I couldn't imagine life without her now. I need someone around to drive me crazy._ "Something like that," he agreed, picturing Suzaku driving him crazy in a different way.

"What are you doing?" C.C. asked abruptly. This time, she actually sounded interested in his life. Her curiosity was mild, but the fact that it existed at all was noteworthy.

Lelouch veered back, clutching a sharp-looking black jacket that was cut in a slightly different style from his Ashford uniform. It opened down the front, requiring another shirt beneath it. He always dealt with layers. "I'm trying to figure out what to wear tonight."

C.C. snorted. "You sound like a girl."

"Ignoring your sexist statement, I'm testing a hypothesis," Lelouch said indignantly. "In order to do that, I need to look good. Really good." _So good Suzaku won't know what hit him!_

Rolling onto her side, C.C. stared at Lelouch with passive golden eyes. "I've never heard of a science experiment that required dressing up."

Lelouch tossed his head, ruffling through some black slacks and dress shoes in the back of his closet. "I'm surprised you know what the scientific method is," he shot back, grabbing a clean-cut white t-shirt to put on under the jacket. A suit would be too formal, and even a button-up collared shirt was pushing it a bit far. He didn't want to send the wrong message to Suzaku, after all; he just wanted to confirm his suspicions.

"Oh please," said C.C., insulted. "I was around before the scientific method was designed."

Lelouch paused, struck again by how old his new accomplice was. Shaking his head, he gathered the selected clothes and ignored C.C. on his way to the bathroom. He had more important things to think about. As he took an impromptu shower, his thoughts revolved around a certain green-eyed brunet, and he lifted his head into the shower spray to cool his heating cheeks. He swayed on his feet; cursing, he blamed the slippery wet tub for almost losing his footing. He had a mission objective to focus on, and getting sidetracked was not an option.

When he had showered, flossed, brushed his teeth, combed his hair, dressed, smoothed out nonexistent wrinkles, and brushed his teeth again, he walked back to his room. He smirked as C.C.'s eyes widened, glad to have a test subject to practice on for his real target. "I assume I succeed?" he prompted.

C.C. chuckled. "You don't look half bad. Who are you trying to impress?"

Red crept over Lelouch's pale cheeks, and he looked awkwardly to the side. "I'm not trying to _impress_ anyone," he grumbled. He didn't sound convincing, even to himself. "I'm just going out to dinner with a friend."

" _Just_ a friend?" C.C. pressed slyly.

"Yes!" Lelouch caved. A torrent of raindrops suddenly splattered against his windowpane. "I'm…testing his reaction."

The witch sat up, a gleam in her eye. The wind howled outside. "'His'?"

"Suzaku's," Lelouch admitted grudgingly. _Why am I giving her more ammunition?_

C.C. tilted her head, her lime green hair falling over one shoulder. "Oh, the soldier from Shinjuku."

Lelouch's head snapped up. "I told you already, everything's fine. I trust Suzaku." _I trust him more than anybody._

"I'll bet," she laughed.

"It's not like that!" Lelouch protested vehemently. _She's getting the wrong impression!_ Forcibly calming, he asked, "Do...you think cologne is too much?" He carefully avoided her eyes.

C.C.'s laughter escalated. "Have fun on your not-date," she said, waving him off, ignoring his question.

Lelouch shook his head, disgruntled. "Not yet. The reservations aren't until seven." To waste time, he sat in front of his computer and pondered his situation against a backdrop of thunder. _Discovering Suzaku's feelings is one objective for tonight,_ he thought, _but there's also the matter of that man Ohgi. If I want to form the Black Knights, do I need to steer clear of Suzaku, even if it turns out my suspicions are correct?_ Something in his chest ached at that option, and he pressed a fist over his left breast. It felt like the storm had moved into his heart, and it was wrecking him from the inside.  _For tonight, I can easily handle one phone call. I can make it brief, alter my plans a bit…but what about later? Suzaku's in the Army, and I'm already a wanted man. If I continue down this track, we'll only drift further apart. We'll officially be on opposite sides, and I can't live with a foot in both worlds for long._

Moaning, he laid his head down on his desk with a thump. C.C. didn't say anything, letting him have his moment, and he was grateful for it. _Is Suzaku worth giving up Zero?_ The answer came with a profound certainty. _No, he's not._

_But he's worth trying for regardless._

Raising his head, Lelouch worked on his rebellion plans until it was time to leave. The storm rose and fell. With a nod to C.C., he left his room—only to dash back five minutes later to dab on a hint of spicy cologne.

-+-

"Your company has been waiting for you these past ten minutes, Mr. Kururugi," was the hostess's only comment. The snide look on her face let him know what she thought of an Eleven dining in her restaurant, but she stiffly waved him in.

The Orange Café wasn't ritzy enough to be on the top-ten list of Britannian restaurants, but it was high-class enough that an Eleven like Suzaku was unused to such finery. Pastel paintings of citrus fruit lined the walls, and there was a stone sculpture of a ball—presumably an orange—in the front entryway. The tablecloths, napkins, and silverware were pristine and perfectly arranged. However, there were no butlers or valets, and the restaurant lights hanging from the ceiling certainly weren't fancy chandeliers. The place seemed friendly enough, like somewhere he could bring his friends—wait.

"Company?" Suzaku repeated, dumbfounded. Had Lloyd's and Cecile's last-minute engagement gotten canceled? But no, one of them would have called…

The hostess smiled despite herself. "He's quite good-looking."

Suzaku's mouth opened slightly, but he couldn't think of anything to say. A half-formed wish flew through his brain, but he dared not hope. _He_ ' _d_ said he was busy.

"Come along then," the hostess said, gesturing to Suzaku with a menu in hand. "You don't want to keep him waiting too long."

Suzaku mutely nodded, sniffing in the thick aroma of cooked food. His feet felt heavy, and anticipation pooled in his stomach. Frantic eyes darted over the restaurant's occupants, searching for a familiar face—before stopping on one in particular. He could have sworn his heart stopped at the sight of his best friend sitting in a booth by himself. The world tilted around a turning point. Without a word, Suzaku slid into the seat opposite the raven-haired vision and clasped his hands under the table. His gaze was wondering as he stared at his friend, unable to turn away even as the hostess placed his menu on the tabletop.

Lelouch looked more dashing than normal in that sharp black jacket he wore, accentuated by the contrasting white undershirt. His hair fell gracefully into those stunning violet irises, and Suzaku wanted to reach across the table and brush back those bangs—if only to feel satiny black hair slide through his fingers. Lelouch's delicate hands were busy spreading out a napkin, and that self-confident smirk was plastered on his face. A faint whiff of tangy spice emanated from him, and Suzaku had to prevent himself from inhaling too deeply. It smelled more appetizing than the food.

The prince's refined dignity made the soldier self-consciously aware of his own less-than-stellar appearance. Not counting on eating with anyone, and not having nice clothes in the first place due to his status as an Honorary Britannian, he'd just thrown on jeans and a plain brown t-shirt. In addition to that, his hair was damp from running through the last spells of sprinkling rain. Not only did he look out of place, he looked downright sloppy—especially compared to Lelouch.

"I was almost afraid you weren't going to show," Lelouch murmured, moving his napkin to his lap. The smile he directed at Suzaku was dazzling and warm—and just a tad sultry.

Suzaku forgot how to breathe. His hands shook under the table. Finally finding his voice, he managed to croak, "Yeah, well, I had no idea you _were_ going to show." He looked down, desperate to look away from those piercing purple eyes, and said, "I'm not late. It's just seven now. _You_ just always have to be punctual—no, not even that. _Early!_ For something you said you weren't even going to come to!"

"I changed my mind," Lelouch explained flippantly. He smiled that wonderful smile at his best friend again and kept his eyes trained on Suzaku's. "How come you decided to come here instead of going to the movie with the others? Not that I'd have wanted you to do that, but I'm just curious."

Suzaku shrugged. "No point in letting a good dinner go to waste. I mean, the reservations were already set up." He carefully gazed past Lelouch at a painting of a kumquat. "You can't feed me forever." _And I'd die if I had to live off Miss Cecile's cooking._

Lelouch scowled. "You're still not comfortable with the others on the Student Council," he deduced, effortlessly seeing through Suzaku's feigned response.

"It's not that," Suzaku objected, snapping his eyes back to Lelouch's. The garbled chatter of nearby diners pierced their bubble. "They're all really nice people and I'm comfortable with them, but…" _They're not you._

Lelouch cutely tilted his head to one side and prompted, "But…?"

"They're not you," Suzaku said, mentally smacking himself even as he accidentally said it aloud. "Or Nunnally," he hastened to add, trying to cover his tracks. He squirmed in his seat. "They're a nice bunch and all. I enjoy being with them…but spending time with them without you there feels wrong."

Smiling a bit smugly, Lelouch lowered his head. "I understand," he said. "These types of things take time."

"Yeah," Suzaku agreed, nodding once. His eyes fell on his menu and he picked it up, starting to peruse it. Hiding his face behind it, glad for the cover, he said wistfully, "Not all of them like me."

Lelouch pursed his lips. "You mean Nina? She…has her reservations about the Japanese people, but she'll see soon enough. It might take her a little while longer to come around, but I'm sure she will." He paused, waiting until Suzaku put his menu down before tacking on, "After all, what's not to love about you?"

Suzaku felt his blood heat at those words and—yes, Lelouch was smirking again, amethyst eyes glinting with satisfaction.

Chuckling at Suzaku's stunned silence, Lelouch casually asked, "Do you know yet what you want to order?"

Thankful for an excuse to look down again, Suzaku eyed the dinner options. He wrinkled his nose at the prices, looking up and admitting, "These are too expensive."

Lelouch just waved a hand, brushing off the concern. "It's fine, Suzaku. I've got you covered."

At his offer, Suzaku bolted upright, displeasure evident on his face. "No, Lelouch," he said firmly. " _I_ was the one who asked you ou—ah, I mean, invited you. That makes it my responsibility to pay for us."

His smirk widening, Lelouch calmly refuted, "Not true. If anything, I'm more financially secure than you are, so it's _my_ responsibility." He leaned his elbows on the table and rested his chin on interlocked fingers. "Don't bother arguing with me, Suzaku. You know I always win."

Deflating, Suzaku sank back into the vinyl of the booth. "How about we each pay for ourselves?" he suggested as a compromise. _I won't even say anything if you pay with your gambling winnings._

Lelouch curtly shook his head. "There's no need to do that. You're tight on money, so just let me take care of you."

Suzaku's eyes widened and his face paled, the older teen's last words echoing in his head and implying something else altogether. He almost moaned at the unfairness of it all, but he managed to suppress it at the last second. "But you always cook me dinner," he pointed out weakly. "I need to pay you back for everything you've done for me."

Again, Lelouch shook his head. "We're not keeping score here, Suzaku. You don't owe me anything."

Suzaku persisted, "But we're too imbalanced!"

"If you're going to think in those terms," Lelouch said, "then you saving my life a few weeks ago overshadows any meaningless little things I've done for you."

"That…was nothing," Suzaku said embarrassedly.

Lelouch pounded a fist on the table, rattling the silverware and attracting attention from other restaurant patrons. "It was _not_ 'nothing'!" he protested. "You took a bullet for me. How can you think that's worthless?!"

Suzaku shrugged one shoulder. Deep down, he was pleased Lelouch was so passionate about him. But… _I don't deserve his kindness. Lelouch just doesn't understand_. All the same, he wanted it. Badly.

Exhaling through his nostrils, Lelouch winded down. In a clipped, no-nonsense tone, he ordered, "Suzaku, choose something to eat or I will order for you—and I'll choose the most expensive plate."

Suzaku gaped at him and browsed the menu. There really was no arguing with Lelouch when he got like this. Looking over all the options, he noticed how each dinner was served in large portions. Glancing up, catching Lelouch's eye, he shyly asked, "How do you feel…about sharing?"

"Sharing?" Lelouch repeated, mild interest lacing his tone. "I'm game for that. What did you have in mind?"

 _Your body_. The thought flashed through Suzaku's head, but he caught it and bit his tongue before he could embarrass himself yet again that night. "Um," he said, trying to focus. He was a little taken aback that Lelouch—OCD Lelouch—was willing to share a meal with him. One last time, he looked over the menu choices. "I've haven’t had steak in a while," he decided in a mumble.

Lelouch smiled again. "Steak it is," he agreed.

Suzaku hesitantly grinned back. He was caught up in staring at Lelouch when their waitress came by, and he blushed when he realized where his thoughts had wandered. At least Lelouch didn't seem to mind being stared at; in fact, he looked rather pleased at the attention.

"What can I get you boys to drink?" asked the waitress. "Do you know what you want to order?"

Before Suzaku could say anything, Lelouch (sexily) took charge. "We'll both have water, and we've decided to share the Supreme Steak. Medium rare."

A bit confused at the combined order, the waitress raised an eyebrow but jotted it down. "It'll be out shortly," she promised before making a quick getaway.

“See?” Lelouch pressed with a self-satisfied expression in the brunet’s direction. “It’s okay to have things you want.”

Suzaku suddenly really, really needed that water as his brain supplied him with an image of his best friend, donning only that alluring smirk as he posed naked for the soldier’s extreme enjoyment. _Want_ , the brunet’s body insisted, and he was glad the table covered his sudden half-hard erection. Trying to get himself under control, he mumbled, “Not always.”

Frowning, Lelouch pointed out, “It’s thinking like _that_ that leads to you getting hurt.” He gestured at the soldier’s temple, where the small bully-inflicted cut had already healed. “We never talked about Synclair Worth and his gang throwing textbooks at your face. How did that happen?”

With a half-hearted shrug, Suzaku said in a small voice, “They outnumbered me.”

Lelouch snorted. “Right. Like that made a difference.” His tone confident, he said, “You could take them all on at once and come out on top.”

Suzaku wrestled down a mental image of himself on top of _Lelouch_ , explaining in a rush, “They took me by surprise. It happened kinda fast, okay? I’m not proud of it.” There was no need to get into how he’d actively chosen to passively take the bullying; that would only upset the self-righteous prince.

Looking at him consideringly, Lelouch nodded. “You don’t have to be perfect,” he said in a soft, sincere voice. “I didn’t bring this up to make you feel bad about yourself. I’m just concerned for you.”

Sucking in a breath, Suzaku lifted his grateful gaze to Lelouch's. “I know,” he murmured, just as softly. “But I’m okay, Lelouch, honestly. And I don’t want to spoil our time together thinking about those bastards.”

Lelouch hummed in his throat but let the subject drop. He kept staring at the brunet with focused concentration.

“So, um,” Suzaku said, his shoulders bending under the weight of self-consciousness as he tried to think about anything other than the prince’s penetrative gaze. “How about that, uh, assembly for Prince Clovis’s death? Your f—uh, the emperor’s speech was…let’s see…really something?”

At that, Lelouch's face darkened. “I don’t want to spoil our time together thinking about those bastards,” he echoed in a tight voice. It was crystal clear what he thought on the subject.

Suzaku nodded with understanding, slightly confused as to why Clovis was lumped into the category of ‘those bastards’ but respecting that his friend didn’t want to talk about his family or their policies. There was shattering from the back kitchen, the jarring sound audible from anywhere in the restaurant. Silence permeated their private table before Suzaku ventured, "What would you have done if I hadn't shown up? I mean, I told you I wasn't going to come…"

Lelouch chuckled. "I would've had to eat an entire steak by myself."

Green eyes snapped to Lelouch. There was amusement—and something else, something indefinable—smoldering in those purple eyes, and Suzaku's breath caught. "You said you were busy."

"Didn't we already go over this?" Lelouch asked, leaning forward. "I am busy, but not too busy for _you_ , Suzaku." His gaze pierced the brunet's, and he said, "I had a feeling you'd show up, and I thought it worthwhile to gamble on you. As always, you didn't disappoint."

Flustered, Suzaku lowered his eyes, wrenching his gaze from Lelouch's with great difficulty. "You…think too highly of me," he said quietly.

"You don't think highly enough of yourself," Lelouch countered immediately. "You were right earlier—when you said we didn't get to spend a lot of quality time together. I see you almost every day, but it's never enough." Pausing to stare at Suzaku with a highly pleased expression, he tilted his head. Smirking again, he plunged on, "So tell me, how are you doing? We have all night together, so don't rush. I want to hear everything."

Warmth crept through Suzaku's chest, and he started to speak. "I'm busy a lot," he started.

"With the military?" Lelouch asked, displeasure evident in his tone.

Slowly, Suzaku nodded. "I know you're not happy that I'm still enlisted."

Lelouch frowned. "They _shot_ you," he growled in explanation.

"Not the people I work for now," Suzaku said hastily. "The Engineering Corp has been really good to me. Honestly, they don't even care that I'm an Eleven."

"Japanese," Lelouch muttered, his correction almost inaudible. Pale fingers curled into a fist on the tabletop, and he had to take deep breaths before visibly calming down. "What sorts of things do you do?" he asked the soldier in a strained voice.

Suzaku squirmed, unable to look his friend in the eye. _I have to keep up with my lie. What did I tell him and Nunnally before? Damn, Lelouch, why is it so hard to think when you're looking at me like that?_ "I'm a mechanic," he said finally, green irises focused intently on his silverware. "I do odd jobs here and there, make sure things are working right…you know, easy manual labor." He looked up and laughed. "Well, it wouldn't be easy for _you_ , Lelouch."

A small smile cracked on Lelouch's face. "Just as long as you're not in danger like before," he said softly.

"No!" Suzaku reassured, voice high and squeaky in his panic. Clearing his throat, he said again, "No…nothing dangerous this time." His stomach churned with guilt at the blatant lie, but it was orders. Besides, he didn’t want to concern Lelouch with the troubling truth. "Don't worry about me so much, Lelouch." _Keep worrying about me, Lelouch._

"Can I help it if I do?" Lelouch asked. He slid his hand across the top of the table, his palm hovering over Suzaku's—

Just as his phone rang.

Suzaku jerked back at the jolting sound, and Lelouch's face twisted into a pained grimace. Suzaku nodded the okay to take the call and settled in his seat, green eyes trained on Lelouch's retreating figure. _Who is calling Lelouch? Isn't everyone else at the movies?_ _What else could he be up to?_

_Then again, I don't know him like I did before. That has to change._

-+-

"Yes?" Lelouch answered in a clipped tone, shivering in the back alley of the restaurant. The ground was wet from the recent rain shower, but the air still smelled like rotting garbage. He made sure his voice was free of the frustration he felt at being interrupted inside, but he also made sure the man on the other line knew he was all business.

"Zero!" the Japanese rebel Ohgi greeted. "What did you want to talk to me about? Is there something we can help you with—something to do with fighting Britannia?"

Lelouch laughed inside. _Little do they know_ … "Indeed," he said aloud. "How would you feel about joining forces—permanently?"

There was the sound of crackling over the phone, accompanied by heavy breathing. "You…you serious?" Ohgi finally asked, shell-shocked.

"Ohgi," Lelouch stressed, "have you ever known me _not_ to be serious?" He wrinkled his nose. _Must he be so slow and dimwitted?_

"R-right," Ohgi stuttered. "I'll have to talk to the others, but I'm pretty sure everyone'll agree."

Lelouch's grip tightened around his cell. "Contact me as soon as possible with your final answer. There's no time to lose." He took a deep breath and, assuring his success, asked, "How much do you know about the new viceroy of Area 11?"

"Cornelia?" muttered Ohgi dismally. "Just that she's worse than Clovis."

"She's positively ruthless," Lelouch warned. An alley cat slunk between his feet, hardly visible against the shadows. "We have to be careful. Clovis may have been a monster to the Elevens, but he was a fool. Cornelia has brains _and_ brawn. We would do well not to underestimate her." A cleansing wind swept through the alleyway, ruffling Lelouch's hair and bringing with it the promise of victory.

Ohgi sighed over the line. "We needed your help against Clovis's men. If this new viceroy is as tough as you say, then we'll need you more than ever, Zero."

A self-satisfied smirk naturally tugged at Lelouch's lips. "Why, Ohgi, that was just what I wanted to hear." He heard spluttering over the phone and added, "Once you call to affirm your participation, I'll give you your next instructions. I have a base of operations already set up for our use, but I need to be sure of your answer before I share my power with you again. I'll be waiting for your call." There was a screech of a rat followed by the tremendous crash of a trashcan lid, and suddenly the sound of the rat cut off mid-squeak. Without waiting for an answer, Lelouch clicked his phone shut and slid it into his breast pocket. The low rumble of satisfied purring filled the back street.

"Now," he said, "I can get back to Suzaku." _With the way things are going,_ Lelouch thought, _it does seem a likely possibility that Suzaku is crushing on me._ His pulse quickened at the idea. _This night is turning out more productive than I anticipated._ Remembering what had happened so far, he winced at some of his own actions that evening. _Maybe I'm coming on too strong. I don't want him to get the wrong impression._ An unexplained ache formed in his chest, and he wondered, _But then…what_ ** _is_** _the wrong impression?_

 _I have to look at the facts._ Lelouch dragged his hand down his face until finally he clutched his chin; he stood in a standard thinking pose halfway between an overflowing garbage can and a rusty old chain link fence. He closed his eyes and instantly a picture of Suzaku formed in his mind, in crystal clear detail down to the last wavy curl of hair. _Let's see._ _I enjoy spending time with him, more than I do anyone else. If given a choice, I'd be with Suzaku._ Opening his eyes to slits, he glared at the filthy brick wall. _Of course. That's a no-brainer. I like being in his company, but that doesn't necessarily mean I_ ** _love_** _him!_ Just thinking the four-letter word caused him to start hyperventilating. Clearly bothered by Lelouch's heavy breathing, the stray cat picked up the remains of its prey and trotted off into the night. It never let go of its happiness.

Lelouch exhaled noisily. His arms dropped to his sides, and his hands clenched into fists; he stood rigid, poised to snap at the slightest sound. _That angle isn't working. Logic. I have to think logically!_ His muscles slowly started to relax, and his fingers unfurled. _Observations. Events. Facts. The other day, I made my wish on the crane for Suzaku to be by me always. I always get outrageously angry when people target Suzaku for his background. I don't care that he's Japanese, but I get really mad when Suzaku doesn't stand up for himself._ The analytical teen automatically tensed again, and his fingers curled back into fists. The alley seemed to melt around him, and he was back in the hallways of Ashford Academy, watching Synclair Worth and his gang of bullies shove Suzaku into the wall, throw books at his face, insult him... Before Lelouch knew it, a growl escaped his throat, tapering off into the empty air of the outside. _I care about all my friends, but I **care** for Suzaku. He means more._

Fingers flexing in and out of fists, he rolled his shoulders. Sounds of distant traffic filtered through his ears.  _Think happy thoughts,_ he directed himself, ignoring a muffled car beep. _Think of how happy and proud Suzaku was when I won that chess match a couple weeks ago._ A silent gasp escaped his lips. _Even back then, I thought he was handsome. I was jealous when the nobleman commented on his bronze skin. I wanted Suzaku—_ It was getting even harder to breathe now, and it had nothing to do with the foul odor in the air. _I wanted Suzaku for myself._ A sweeping sensation traveled down his body. _I even like the thought of him wearing my clothes. That's why I offered him my gym uniform._ Sighing, the lovestruck schoolboy felt unsteady on his feet.

 _Let me try something else. What do I want?_ Lelouch tilted his head back, searching the sky for answers. Most of the night stars were blocked by the roofs overhanging the alleyway. "Figures," he complained aloud, shifting restlessly from one foot to the other. The movement of his body seemed to spark his brain into overdrive. _I want Suzaku to agree with me. I want him with me more than I can explain. Why?_ His nails dug into the skin of his palms. _Whenever I'm upset, just seeing Suzaku smile at me can make me feel better. When we touch, my stomach flip-flops. When he talks to me, my heart beats faster. When I think of Suzaku, I feel invincible. When he's with me, I feel safe—like I can truly be myself with him._

_Except for Zero._

At the reminder, Lelouch staggered towards the rusty chain link fence as if someone had sucked the rebellious spirit right out of him. He crashed into the metal fence with a jar, feeling his worries and emotions rattle around inside. _I want to protect him so badly, which is both why I must_ ** _be_** _Zero and why I cannot_ ** _tell_** _him who I am._ Weaving his fingers through a few open holes in the fence, he braced himself and pushed himself upright. The rust was scratchy beneath his fingertips, but he hardly noticed. _The idea that Suzaku might love me—like_ ** _that_** _—makes me lightheaded._ He swayed, and he grasped the fence tighter for support and balance. It felt like his whole world was turning inside-out with opportunities, like he was being granted Geass all over again.

Leaning his forehead against the biting metal, Lelouch forced himself to take several deep breaths. _For some reason, I feel like I want it to be—to be true._ Even in the cool of night, he cheeks burned at the admission. Luckily, there was no one around to witness his romantically-induced breakdown. He couldn't break his cycle of thoughts, not even to make a stealthy retreat. _Does Suzaku love me? And where would that leave us? Where would that leave_ ** _me_** _?_

_The only thing I know for certain is, of all the people in the world, I need Kururugi Suzaku the most._

After examining his own feelings, Lelouch was surprised to find that, unlike with Shirley, he wasn't averse to the idea of being with Suzaku. In fact, the thought of dating the green-eyed Japanese male seemed right—like moving into checkmate.

Lelouch tensed again, feeling floored by this conclusion. The special feelings had always been there, if unrecognized for what they were; no matter how he tried to add them up, his answer always equated "Suzaku." It wasn't that he desired his best friend with the passion of a thousand blazing suns; no, it was more subtle than that. It was merely an acknowledgment that out of the entire human populace, Kururugi Suzaku was the only person he could ever love and trust wholeheartedly—minus the whole Zero thing, of course, for obvious reasons. It was a unique comfort thing more than anything else, and it had always been there, even from the early days of their friendship back at the Kururugi Shrine all those years ago. Only now, the trust he placed in the brunet could extend to cover a whole new range of possibilities, and Lelouch shivered deliciously at the thought. For the first time, he simply wanted…

For the first time, he simply _wanted_.

His feet itched to go back inside so he could confess his willingness—

"No," Lelouch scolded himself aloud, hoping the grounding sound of his voice would convince him to forsake his spontaneous plan. "Suzaku started this. The least I can do is let him finish." He rubbed his hands together, exhaling shakily. "If he doesn't do anything soon, I'll nudge him in the right direction." Waiting and observing more would also help him be absolutely _sure_ that romance _was_ the right track for them. Nodding to himself, he let go of the fence and stepped back inside.

_Suzaku will be mine; the pieces are already in play._

-+-

That night, Suzaku had another dream.

_He saw Lelouch sitting in that fancy restaurant, fitting right in with the glamorous atmosphere. He felt self-conscious, like before, only this time he realized he'd come to the eatery in the nude. His body slid automatically into the booth, and he was grateful that his exposed crotch was hidden beneath the table._

" _Don't look so worried, Suzaku," Lelouch soothed, guessing what was wrong. "Here, I'll undress, too. Then we'll be the same!"_

_Suzaku wanted to protest, but he found he couldn't move his tongue as Lelouch seductively peeled off his jacket and shirt. He wanted to say, "We won't be the same—because you're too perfect!" But the words never left his lips, and Lelouch stood before him now on the table, slipping out of his too-tight black dress pants and briefs._

_Lelouch smirked down at him, his stiff length waving invitingly at Suzaku from above. "Aren't you hungry?" he asked the soldier, yanking at Suzaku's upper arm. He lay down, spreading himself over the table, ignoring the angry jeers of the other restaurant patrons. "Come, Suzaku," he implored, bouncing his hips on the tabletop. "Have me for dinner."_

_Suzaku mindlessly lowered himself over Lelouch's prone body, breathing heavily on his dancing cock. Wordlessly, he opened his mouth and tentatively licked the tip, appreciating how Lelouch's stomach muscles rippled at the motion. His senses were heightened, feeling the judgmental stares boring into his naked back like daggers._

" _Suzaku!" moaned Lelouch. It was the first time Lelouch had ever moaned his name._

" _Yes, Your Highness?" Suzaku asked, Lelouch's voice giving him the strength to endure the surrounding hostility. He relaxed his throat, closing his lips around more of his best friend's shaft. It tasted like the steak they'd shared that night, and it tasted like friendship rekindled._

_Hazy purple eyes stared into green, and Lelouch's lips moved ever so slowly. "I want you…" But the rest was drowned out, and Suzaku's eyes slipped shut—_

—and flew open to stare at his ceiling, his sheets twisted haphazardly around his body.

-+-

That same night, Lelouch dreamt of Suzaku for the first time.

-+-


	4. Seesaw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented, left kudos, started following my Tumblr, etc. :D
> 
> Thanks to my lovely beta-reader, TheGeminiSage, for looking over this whale of a tale. She is love. Go read her Undertale comic, Refuse. :D
> 
> Please enjoy the slow burn romance and let me know your thoughts. <3

Lelouch settled into place with hearty confidence and got the game rolling. Enough was enough, and it was high time he propelled his plans forward. Suzaku was slow, or Lelouch was impatient. Maybe it was a little of both; Lelouch could admit that, but only to himself.

"Are you going to ignore me all night?" Suzaku groaned, rocking impatiently on Lelouch's bed and adding wrinkles to otherwise pressed sheets.

Arranging his chessboard on the table, Lelouch glanced at Suzaku and felt a wave of approval at the whole image. In case he was searching for more proof, he'd found some: Suzaku looked like he belonged in that bed. Clearing his throat, Lelouch slid to the edge of of his chair, took a silent breath, and hoped for the magic of reverse psychology. "You don't need me to entertain you."

Suzaku snorted and hugged a pillow to his chest. "Nunnally's gone," he said, squeezing the pillow tighter. "Sayoko's gone. They won't be home from the hospital and their 'girls night out' for hours." It had already been a long day for everybody, full of exams and insensitive gossip. Suzaku was ornery. "You're the only one here, and your bedroom is boring."

Affronted and stupidly jealous of the pillow, Lelouch interjected, "Pristine!"

With a deadpan stare, Suzaku reiterated slowly, "Yeah, like I said. Boring." He sighed loudly in annoyance and fell dramatically onto his back, kicking his feet in the air. The mattress bounced under him. 

Lelouch's breath caught in his throat as the approval skyrocketed. "I like things neat and organized," he defended himself airily. It kept him centered. 

"Yeah, and there's nothing interesting in here," Suzaku shot back, rolling around on the bed out of clear boredom. 

Frowning, Lelouch felt a bit too warm in the stuffy room. "That's not true!" There was his Zero costume hiding in a secret panel, for one. But more importantly, in the hopes of redirecting Suzaku to the goal, he said, "There's me."

Suzaku snickered again, longer that time. He stilled and stared at Lelouch. "Maybe," he finally allowed as a twinkle in his eye replaced the edge of frustration. "But not if you keep ignoring me."

"I beg to differ," Lelouch huffed indignantly, angling his chessboard so it better aligned with the table. "I am fascinating due to my sheer existence."

Expression softening, Suzaku waited quietly for an extra beat before giving in. "Yeah, okay, you win."

Preening, Lelouch sat up straighter in his chair. He could almost ignore the sickening scent of pizza permeating his room despite the multitude of fragrant air freshener sprays he'd earlier exhausted. "I always win," he said smugly, anticipating tonight's victory.

Suzaku choked back another laugh. "Well, aren't you cocky today?"

Encouraged by the wording, Lelouch flirted back as much as he dared at this stage. "What do you mean, 'today'?"

Suzaku's smile stretched as long and full as Britannian territory on the world map. "You're right," he agreed easily. "What was I thinking?"

"You clearly weren't," Lelouch joked back, jerking slightly into the table due to the magnetic pull of Suzaku's smile. Chess pieces wobbled but didn't fall. Lelouch hissed and hurriedly steadied his stage, inwardly admonishing himself for getting distracted. Back on task, he reached across the board and searched for the right pawn to start the game. With a cunning smirk, he peeked quickly at Suzaku before closing his fingers around the selected chess piece.

Curling himself around Lelouch's pillow, Suzaku watched intently and said with pure innocence, "I like it when we talk." He shifted restlessly on the bed, the notes of nostalgia and longing woven into his voice.

Lelouch prematurely congratulated himself since Suzaku had loosened up and changed topics to serious turf all on his own. "Me too," he said lightly. Biting back a grin, Lelouch further observed Suzaku's fidgeting out the corner of his eye. _He seems nervous to be around me, maybe excited_. Lelouch's smirk slipped a tad in self-reproach.  _I can't believe it took me so long to notice how much he likes me!_

"And I actually do like your room," Suzaku amended with a small smile. "It's very you."

Heart pounding, Lelouch wondered if he'd already met his objective. _Are you hinting in a roundabout way that you actually like **me** , Suzaku? _Maybe tonight would be easier than he'd planned after all. That would be a welcome change of pace. "Thanks. You're always welcome to visit," he said breezily, a teasing smile curling his lips as he made his next move. "You add to my personal décor anyway."

"Thank goodness," Suzaku gasped with mock-relief. "I wouldn't want to clash!"

Swallowing, Lelouch edged a bit deeper. "You and I would never clash, Suzaku."

Too quick to process, Suzaku's facial expressions flew through a range of emotions. "Not us," he whispered, the weight of sadness marring his apparent agreement. He rolled over to face the wall, and his shoulders hunched.

Lelouch gave him a moment, respecting their mutual needs to sort their thoughts. Things were moving, but Lelouch wasn't sure if they were going forward or backward. What was Suzaku thinking?

Eventually, Suzaku rolled over again with a shaky and pleading grin, still holding the pillow tight.

Then Lelouch understood: They were moving on. Pretending like the odd reaction had never happened for Suzaku's sake, Lelouch pulled back to the level of his last success and playfully threatened, "Good, you're okay. I was hoping I wouldn't have to throw away your share of tonight's dinner."

"You wouldn't!" Suzaku protested, reacting in record time. He leapt off the bed, landing with a thump on Lelouch's hardwood floors.

Lelouch scowled as the chess pieces rattled on the board and the pillow dropped to mess up his room. "Suzaku," he scolded lightly, peering at his methodically assembled books in the corner to regain his bearings. Alphabetical order. Natural progression. Lelouch worked within his system. "I would if you destroyed my game!"

"I wouldn't," Suzaku said, his voice sounding heavy again, as if he'd remembered something distressing.

Eyebrows drawing together in confusion, Lelouch gently probed out of genuine concern, "Something wrong?" Eyes glued to Suzaku, he blindly moved a white pawn two spaces forward. _Is he ready to confess to me, or is something troubling him?_ Hazarding a guess, he advised, "If it's the military, just quit already."

"No, it's not that," Suzaku refuted, voice strained. He took a deep breath and looked away. He picked up the pillow. Hugged it again. Crushed it. "And I won't quit the military, Lelouch. I have things I need to do there."

 _He said 'won't,' not 'can't,'_ Lelouch fumed to himself silently, berating himself for bringing up a known subject that would jam a wrench in his plans. His fingers itched to crush something, too.  _He'll do anything for me—except give up his allegiance to Britannia._  Dissatisfaction curled his lip into a frown at Suzaku's decision, and frustration pricked his nerves. All the happy feelings produced by the prior comfortable teasing drifted away like leaves in a storm.  _Why can't he just ditch the Army and be done with it?! If not for himself, then for me?_ Eyes narrowing, he pressed, "Then what's on your mind?"

The black queen was slammed onto a different square, jangling the other pieces on the board.

Suzaku shifted his weight from one foot to the other, and then he sank back onto the bed. "I was just wondering," he said before clamping his mouth shut. The hum of the air conditioner kicked on in the background, noticeable at first but blending naturally into the air with time.

Lelouch turned to fix him with his gaze. _Is it time? Is he wondering how to ask me…?_ "Go on. I'm listening, Suzaku." Without looking at his game, he moved one of his white knights onto the playing field.

Suzaku shrugged helplessly. "Er, well, when you said game, sometimes guys mean..." He swallowed thickly, turning slightly away. "Anyway, uh, the other day…Shirley, she…um, how do you feel about her, anyway, Lelouch?" He looked at the floor, his body visibly tense as he waited for the answer. He fiddled with the edge of the pillowcase.

"Shirley?" Lelouch repeated incredulously. _Shirley?_ A black bishop joined the white knight on the board. "She's a good friend. Why?"

Suzaku shrugged again, looking a little too much like he didn’t care—which meant he _did_ care. "What I mean is, do you think she's pretty?"

"Yes," Lelouch answered honestly, aiming to jar a reaction out of his crush. _I bet you were begging me to say 'no,' weren't you, Suzaku?_ He continued to stare at the soldier, keeping his expression neutral. Forcing naivety into his voice, he wondered aloud, "Suzaku, where are you going with this?" He had to work very hard to keep from smirking again, reading Suzaku's face like an open book now that he knew what to look for. The power and control he wielded added an extra thrill to his mission. _Suzaku, you're so easy to string along. Not like I'd do that—for long, anyway._

Suzaku gaped at him. "She thinks you're pretty, too!" he blurted without thinking.

Lelouch cocked his head. "Does she?" he asked in his fake-interested tone. He flicked his eyes back and forth between chess and Suzaku _. What a fun game I'm playing_. His fingers hovered over the chessboard, but he didn't yet make his move. Natural progression. Dangling the bait, he asked, "And what do _you_ think? Does Shirley have good taste?" _You'll be honest, Suzaku, if I have to drag the truth out of you!_

Green eyes widened. Taken aback by the turnaround, Suzaku lowered his head and whispered, "…yes."

"Good," Lelouch said, knowing he took the brunet by surprise. _I'm glad you took that first step, Suzaku. Now finish the job and admit you like me yourself!_ With growing smugness, Lelouch watched as the white knight took the black bishop, making it the first capture of the game. The stakes were up. "Now that you're being honest, tell me what you're _really_ asking."

A blush graced Suzaku's cheeks. "Do you like her?"

"I do."

Suzaku squirmed. "You should tell her," he counseled, his tone carefully neutral.

"Why?" Lelouch questioned in an annoyed voice. _What is he saying?! He's supposed to claim me for himself! Why is he sacrificing his happiness for Shirley's?_ Lelouch felt his heart drop. The beginnings of unease cramped in his stomach.  _Suzaku's actions should not be unstable variables. The only obstacle to take care of should be the whole Zero debacle._ A black knight slid towards the center of the board, blocking the opposing knight's access to its king.

Suzaku shrugged listlessly. "So you can move things to the next stage."

Lelouch frowned. "What next stage?" Concentrating, he moved his white knight piece again. Not only did that increase the chances of circumventing the enemy, but that way he wouldn't have too many of his pieces on the main board at one time. It was better now to play it safe. _I can't afford to mess up._

"Dating, of course!" Suzaku exclaimed, obviously fed up with Lelouch's clueless attitude. He smoothed a hand down the rumpled sheets. "Unless you're not ready for a girlfriend yet…" Instead of fixing anything, the wrinkles got worse. "But you know, you are seventeen now, and you _like_ her so it'd be totally normal if you went for it…"

Lelouch chuckled, causing the soldier's mouth to open in surprise. "I like Shirley," he repeated in a careless tone, "but not as girlfriend material." He lightly tapped the captured black bishop in the discarded pile of pieces, his eyes trained on the second black knight moving into position. _I won't let anything, be it Shirley or the Black Knights, come between us._

"Oh."

Rolling his eyes good-naturedly, Lelouch looked up from his game, leaned a bit closer to his best friend, and said in a low voice, "To be perfectly honest, Suzaku, girls don't capture my fancy." Waiting to let that sink in, eyeing Suzaku’s cautiously hopeful expression, he continued, "Boys don't capture my fancy either… _generally_ speaking." Violet eyes bore into green for an intense moment before Lelouch gracefully turned back to his chessboard.

Breath catching in his throat, Suzaku gasped, "I see." His mouth opened and closed a few times, as if he was searching for words or courage.

Taking pity on his friend after a long stretch of silence, Lelouch nudged him along another step. He again moved his white knight piece closer to his target on the board. "Forget about me. Are _you_ interested in anyone?"

Suzaku clutched the edge of the bed and looked to the ceiling. "Maybe," he said noncommittally, his voice thick with ambivalence.

"Does this person have a name?" Lelouch asked dryly, prompting again. He stared at the black king, gauging the diminishing distance between it and the white knight.

Suzaku gave the slightest of nods. "Yeah."

Trying to hold back his impatience, now at roaring levels because he was so close, Lelouch urged, " _And_...?" He pointedly tapped the board near the black king.

Silence stretched into a blanket atop all the wrinkles between them. Then, staring long and hard at Lelouch's favorite pastime, Suzaku for some reason decided to let the topic die and observed skeptically, "You're playing _yourself?_ "

"I _am_ my best opponent," Lelouch said with the arrogance of a Britannian royal, tamping down his internal frustration. _What is the matter now?! I left you the **perfect** opening, Suzaku. _ Natural progression. Lelouch had a system. Only, dammit, like he was always trying to drill into Suzaku's brain, sometimes the system failed.  _How obvious do I need to hint that I want you as much as you want me?!_ He moved the black king diagonally to the left, deliberately putting it in danger of capture by the persistent white knight. When the system crumbled, extreme measures became necessary.

Though Suzaku was not the best at strategy, he'd known Lelouch long enough to understand the basics of this particular game. "That's against the rules," he said, though Lelouch didn't know why he bothered. The Britannian prince knew the rules of chess much better than Suzaku, after all. "You're not allowed to put yourself in check."

Purple eyes glittered in Suzaku's direction. "What if I trust the white knight piece?"

"To do what?" Suzaku asked, noticeably confused. Lelouch would bet all his gambling winnings that the Japanese soldier was thinking: Wasn't the goal to seize the enemy king?

Lelouch let loose a sigh and abandoned his game. "You tell me, Suzaku. Your move."

-+-

It wasn't until hours later that Suzaku realized—Lelouch hadn't been talking about chess at all.

-+-

Suzaku fell asleep that night smiling, still reeling from the implications of Lelouch's latest challenge. His own bed felt softer than it ever had, yet he missed Lelouch's. The shadows of the night had a friendly feel, and his dinky military-issued dormitory seemed as suddenly spacious as the relief in his heart. Shirley was no longer considered a romantic rival since Lelouch had clearly dismissed her as 'girlfriend material.'  _But do you think of me as 'boyfriend material,' Lelouch?_ Suzaku wondered. He sighed dreamily and rolled over, inhaling deeply and bemoaning the fact that his pillow smelled like standard detergent instead of like Lelouch.  _That **is** what you were hinting at, right? Or am I looking too close and seeing only what I want to see? _ Still, he’d taken steps, and it seemed like his condition was met to the point that he could express his true feelings. Sighing happily again, Suzaku started planning out his perfect romantic confession. He slipped into dreamland before he could finish.

 _Everything seemed peaceful and serene, but for the slight niggling in the back of his brain. The white covering horizon to horizon spoke of purity, but the colorless glare made his eyes hurt. He squeezed his eyes shut, pictured Lelouch in his mind, and felt something just_ ** _click_** _inside him. There was empty space all around, no landmarks, no nothing—but even in the literal middle of nowhere, he felt the axis of his world shift into its predestined disposition. A throbbing hum reverberated in the air, and he was reminded of the Lancelot during launch. It was that_ ** _right_** _feeling that told him he was where he was supposed to be, that he was doing what he was supposed to do._

 _Suzaku's eyes opened, a strong clarity reflected in them. He didn't have to hide anymore. He_ ** _loved_** _Lelouch. His feelings weren't some passing fancy, and Lelouch would accept him no matter what. Hadn't he already done so?_

_He was no longer alone, and he flailed in that empty space. As if to punish him for feeling happy, his sins manifested out of thin air into corporeal form before him._

" _Suzaku."_

_He shrank back, clasping his hands over his ears. Worse than the jeering taunts of nameless, faceless people in the background, this one voice had the power to undo him. Or rather, it was the one voice other than Lelouch's that had such control over him. It graced his nightmares on a regular basis, always ending in a dying scream._

" _Suzaku."_

_His hands did nothing to filter the voice. It pierced straight through him, down to the murkiest depths of his soul. Or maybe…it was crying out from his soul, flowing out of him to the white expanse of freedom._

" _Suzaku."_

_His name, over and over again, judged and sinful. He looked up, faced his gravest sin right in the eye, and returned a greeting. "Father."_

_Kururugi Genbu was there in a business suit, a blade still protruding from his fatal wound. Blood dripped off him, highlighting the white atmosphere with a splash of vivid red. "Suzaku," he said again, condemning and unforgiving._

" _I'm sorry!" Suzaku wailed, shutting his eyes again. Upon opening them, he saw Lelouch had joined them in this white space. Sobbing, Suzaku stretched out a hand for the prince, needing the comfort of the one he loved._

_Genbu floated forward, yanking the blade out of himself and plunging it into Lelouch before Suzaku could reach him. "Suzaku," he said again, the name echoing in the still silence._

_Suzaku's hands shook, tears pouring from his eyes, his face twisting in horror._

_Lelouch looked at him sadly, blood spurting from his abdomen. "Suzaku," he murmured in that deep voice, "why didn't you make your move sooner?"_

Suzaku woke up gasping for air, a hand pressed tightly to his chest. Tears still wet his eyelashes, and his heart raced like a careening car. Disoriented as he was, it took him a few moments to realize that it was just a dream, that Lelouch was most likely safe in his own bedroom. And his father…

…well, his father was still dead. Suzaku had made sure of _that_ seven years ago.

He didn't make it two steps from the bed before he retched. Wiping snot and vomit from his face, he shakily turned on the light and started to clean his mess. He couldn't shake off the feeling of foreboding that came from his dream—from _all_ his dreams—but somehow, when he thought of Lelouch, none of it seemed to matter.

Then, as he wiped his regurgitated fears off his floor, Suzaku had the most startling realization of his waking life: He _loved_ Lelouch. No, he'd almost always loved him…but now he was _in_ love with him. He'd subconsciously known it all along, but it had never fully clicked until the l-word came up in his dream. He knew he was attracted to Lelouch, and he knew he loved him…but to put those together and make it romantic—to not just casually date but to truly and _fully_ devote himself to Lelouch as a partner—the idea had never crossed his mind.

Until now.

_What would Lelouch say?_

Suzaku froze, his hand shaking in a pool of bile. He remembered the prince's all-too-familiar knowing smirk, his suggestive wording, his discreet glances and probing eyes…

… _the damned bastard has it all figured out already!_

-+-

Beams of early afternoon sunlight slanted through Lelouch's upper story bedroom window, leaving strips of light and shadow across his chessboard, floor, and bed. A stray speck of dust drifted lazily in the air, gleaming peacefully in the soft sunlight. It was still and quiet, every bit the refuge the emerging masked rebellion leader needed to unwind from his strenuous new responsibilities.

The door slammed open, and Lelouch shoved his best friend into the room ahead of him. He pushed Suzaku all the way to his bed, a strong sense of purpose radiating from his shaking form. "Take your shirt off," he ordered, tongue sharp, in the voice of a man who was used to being obeyed. When Suzaku hesitated, Lelouch narrowed his eyes and practically leapt at his friend, gently pinning him to the bed by his shoulders. "When I tell you to do something," he started to growl.

"Yeah, I get it," Suzaku said. "When you tell me to do something, I do it, right?" A flicker of defiance flashed in his emerald eyes.

Lelouch's expression softened somewhat. "No," he corrected, backing off a bit but still holding Suzaku to the mattress. "I was going to say, 'I tell you for your own good.' Look, I'm just worried, so let me help you already!"

Suzaku turned his head, burying it in the bulge of Lelouch's pillow. Inhaling deeply, he shivered. When he looked back at Lelouch, Suzaku seemed a bit more relaxed and compliant, but his eyes were hazy and distant. "I don't _want_ you to worry," he murmured, voice low enough that Lelouch had to lean in close just to hear. "That's why I didn't tell you to begin with."

" _Suzaku,_ " Lelouch moaned in exasperation. _Is he disoriented because of the pain or because he's overwhelmed being so close to me?_ Shaking his head, he glared again and demanded, "Well, let's see the damage. Strip." He moved away from Suzaku slowly, letting him sit up.

Lelouch watched as Suzaku took a fortifying breath, closed his eyes, and gingerly peeled his sweaty, bloodstained shirt from his chest. He moved slowly, carefully, as if in great pain, being cautious so as to not open his wound further. He was forced to rip the fabric of his gym uniform out of drying, clotting blood.

Purple eyes scanned the injury, and Lelouch shook his head sadly. "You're too reckless," he reprimanded, though he wasn't sure if he was referring to how Suzaku got hurt in the first place or to how Suzaku upset his wound by playing too roughly in gym class. "I'll stitch it up again," he promised, pulling a first aid box from under his bed.

Suzaku just lay down on his uninjured side and exposed the gaping hole in his flesh to his surrogate doctor. "Thanks," he said hoarsely.

"Stop thanking me," Lelouch bit out harshly. _I hope he doesn't ask me why I had a first aid kit under my bed. That would be hard to explain without spilling my secret. Suzaku really shouldn't be here; too much could go wrong._ Retreating, he returned with an armful of towels and a bowl of water. Dipping a washcloth into the water, he tenderly wiped at the blood oozing out from between broken stitches. Heaving a sigh, he set to work fixing it all, scrutinizing Suzaku's body with a keen eye. Minutes passed as Lelouch meticulously worked on his best friend, and he finally asked, "What happened?"

Suzaku shrugged one shoulder. "A…piece of machinery…fell on me! At work," he finished quickly, as if trying to cover up his earlier hesitation. "I, uh, wasn't fast enough to dodge it." He shrugged again, burying his face back into Lelouch's pillow. He breathed deeply and fidgeted, lying motionless only when Lelouch's fingers brushed against a sensitive spot.

Lelouch narrowed his eyes, not buying it, but didn't press Suzaku. "And who took care of you afterwards?"

The soldier sighed at the question. "We had doctors on-site," he explained.

"In the Engineering labs?" Lelouch asked, raising an eyebrow.

Suzaku winced. He mumbled into the prince's pillow, "I was by the Lake Kawaguchi hotel when the whole Zero thing happened. I was touching up some of the Knightmares for the Army…"

Lelouch's hands stilled in their work, and he huffed, "Idiot."

Breathing a sigh, Suzaku relaxed under Lelouch's skilled hands. "When did you learn to stitch wounds?"

Lelouch worked for another minute before bothering to answer. "I learned during the war. I watched doctors do it, and it looked easy. However, this is the first time I'm putting it into practice."

Snorting, Suzaku rolled his shoulder blades, stretching his muscles. "Glad I could be your first."

Lelouch almost blushed at Suzaku's words. Through sheer force of will, he kept his voice level as he said, "That makes two of us."

Staring back at Lelouch confusedly, Suzaku raised an eyebrow. "Huh?"

Lelouch shook his head fondly. "Forget it, idiot. I'm all done." To accentuate his declaration, he trailed his fingertips across sutured, tanned skin, making sure the wound didn't open at the action. Deeming his doctoring satisfactory, he continued rubbing his friend's side, too transfixed by the movement to stop.

Suzaku's breathing was halfway schooled and barely steady, but he lay there silently.

Lelouch's slender fingers slowed, then drifted to a mess of scar tissue adjacent to Suzaku's most recent injury. Lightly pressing the pads of his fingers against it, he leaned closer, his breath fanning over the old wound. "Why," he whispered, "do you always have to get yourself hurt?"

Suzaku kicked his legs uncomfortably, but didn't move his upper body.

"This is where you were shot—to save me." Suddenly, red-hot anger swelled within Lelouch's chest, and he jerked his hand from Suzaku's body, as if it was the source of fire licking his veins. "You…time after time…are hurt and abused by the god _damn_ Britannian military…and time after time…you go back to them! Why won't you just quit?!"

Suzaku shrugged helplessly and slid to his feet, stretching his side as if to test the stitches. But of course they held; Lelouch was never one to do less than perfectly. "Can't," Suzaku said, voice flippant.

Lelouch was beyond angry at him now. "Why not?" he asked, eyes flashing.

Suzaku glared and held his ground. "Because." He was trembling from being on the receiving end of rage.

"'Because' isn't an answer," Lelouch snarled. "Surely you realize—I mean, Suzaku, you're an idiot, but you're not really that stupid." _You're truly an enigma, even though I find you annoyingly predictable most times._ He flung his arm to the side, palm up and fingers flexing.

Suzaku flinched. "Look, I know I'm not as smart as you, Lelouch. I never claimed to be, so don't—"

"This isn't about comparing us," Lelouch shot back. "It's about you using common sense for once in your life!"

Suzaku slowly shook his head. "I have a plan. I have my own way of doing things. To change the world, I need to be—"

"You don't _need_ to be," Lelouch interrupted again. "There's an alternative."

Suzaku glared harder. "You mean Zero?" At Lelouch's nod, the soldier shook his head. "I cannot follow that man."

Lelouch recoiled. "Why not?" he said again, voice bitter.

Suzaku sighed and took a step closer; Lelouch automatically backed up against the wall, making the mattress bounce where he sat. Suzaku reached for his friend, but Lelouch shrugged him off, still waiting for an answer.

"Zero's methods aren't morally right," the virtuous soldier explained brusquely. "It would go against my own honor to follow him."

"He saved you," Lelouch threw back, though the fire in his words had died. "I have to be grateful to him for that."

Suzaku took a step closer, and this time Lelouch stayed put. "It's not that I'm ungrateful," Suzaku went on. "If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here with you right now. I _know_ that. It's just that…to follow him long-term…I couldn't live with myself."

"You owe Zero your life." _You owe me everything._

"No," Suzaku countered. "I don't owe Zero anything. I didn't ask him to save me, even though I'm glad he did. And besides, none of this would have happened in the first place if it weren't for him. If he hadn't killed Prince Clovis, I would never have been framed. It was initially his fault, and it was his responsibility to me to correct it."

Lelouch's mouth stretched into a thin line. "He did," he said curtly.

"Well, yes," Suzaku admitted freely. "He did." His gaze turned worried as he looked over his pale friend, and he dropped a hand on Lelouch's shoulder. "You okay?"

Lelouch's head snapped up, beads of sweat dotting his brow. "I'm fine!" he snapped. "I just wish you'd quit. You won't join Zero, the man who _saved your life_ , but you'll stay with the Britannian military, the ones who _abused you and planned to kill you_ … ** _why?_** _"_

Suzaku's jaw set determinedly. "Because I can change the Empire from the inside out."

"That won't work," Lelouch said immediately. "The Britannians will never look at you and see a person."

"You do," Suzaku answered glibly. "Princess Euphemia does."

Purple eyes widened slightly at the mention of the Third Princess, but Lelouch plowed on regardless. "You'll get nowhere."

Suzaku shook his head again. "I'll get nowhere by following Zero."

"Who saved the hostages from the hotel jacking?" Lelouch challenged. "Was it your precious Britannian Army? No, it was Zero! How can you say that following him…?" Cutting himself off, cursing himself inside for getting too heated, he turned his head and stared morosely at the wall.

Suzaku's expression hardened. "I'll be the first to admit that Zero saved everyone two nights ago, but I get the feeling he has his own secret agenda. I don't think he did it out of pure goodwill; a murderer like him has a black heart, and that's something I can't trust…or live with."

Lelouch growled, inwardly wincing. "So you think you can use your own flawed interpretations to your advantage? You can't go around making your own judgments and following them as fact; you have no idea how to put together a logical argument."

With a dry chuckle, Suzaku said, "I don't need to know logic when I have you."

"Then _listen_ to me!" Lelouch ordered, almost begged. "I care about you, Suzaku. What if you get hurt again—or worse?" _Haven't I already proven that I can't live without you anymore?_

Silently, his brow smoothing out, Suzaku climbed onto the mattress and wrapped his friend in a hug. "I promise you," he mumbled into the prince's neck, "that it's not dangerous. I'm just a mechanic in the Engineering Corp, and I'm not sent out on the front lines like before. Can't you trust in me to look after myself?"

With angry tears pricking his eyes, Lelouch returned the hug hesitantly and said with disbelief, "You? Take care of _yourself?_ " A sour laugh erupted from deep in his throat. His fingers automatically flew to touch the scar tissue on Suzaku's right lower back. "You almost died trying to protect me. You're too self-sacrificing for your own good. So no, I don't trust you."

Suzaku tightened his hold. "I promise," he said again, voice ragged. "Please believe in me. I know what I'm doing."

"I want you to quit," Lelouch repeated himself.

"I know," Suzaku returned soothingly, sounding almost patronizing. "But I won't, and it'll be okay. You'll see."

Lelouch huffed angrily over Suzaku's shoulder. "No, _you_ will," he countered, always needing to have the last word.

-+-

"Le _louch_ , stop staring at Suzaku!" Milly ordered, beating her vice president on the head with a rolled up newspaper. "I asked you five times to get the senior class's budget fixed; if it's not done in the next hour, then we're switching uniforms!"

Blinking sleepily at Milly, Lelouch slowly scratched some numerical figures on the paperwork in front of him. "Sorry, Madame Pres," he said around a yawn. "I was up late last night."

Milly pouted with disappointment. "Aw, and here I thought you were spacing out because you were in love!"

Both boys froze, and Lelouch studiously avoided Suzaku's eye by gazing firmly at his paperwork. His knuckles turned white around the pencil in his hand, and he bit his lip. Milly was more observant than he often gave her credit for, but did she really suspect his feelings? If so, did she discern whom they were for? Did she know of the fluttery feeling in his stomach whenever he thought of Suzaku, and of the uncontrollable yearning to see the green-eyed boy at all hours? Did she know of his want to keep Suzaku happy and safe, to take care of his needs and reassure him that he was loved? Did she know of his confusing dreams, overpowering his mind at night and slipping into his imagination by day? Did she know that he _knew_ Suzaku loved him in return?

If Milly could tell, could _Suzaku?_

…no, the boy was an idiot.

He was safe in that regard. The true threat now was Milly Ashford. "I'm sorry to dash your hopes," Lelouch answered in a cool tone—in his practiced liar's voice.

-+-

Suzaku looked down and smiled as Milly rolled her eyes and flounced away in obvious frustration. There was a happy, floating kind of feeling in Suzaku's chest, and it only scared him a little that in the short time since he'd reunited with his friend, he could accurately read Lelouch where others could not.

Lelouch was lying, and he was in love.

Then, he looked up and caught Lelouch's eye. The prince's gaze seared right through him, and Suzaku felt his breath catch. He could identify the conflicting feelings reflected in his friend's violet eyes; he knew because they were the same feelings he saw in his own whenever he looked in the mirror. His skin was on fire under Lelouch's penetrating look, and the hairs on the back of his neck started to rise. Suzaku started to tremble. _I'm sure he knows how_ ** _I_** _feel, but_ _could it be possible that_ ** _he_** _…? I mean, why else would he insinuate…?_

Purple eyes blinked at him once, very slowly, as if reading his mind.

Suzaku felt his heart almost explode with happiness at their secret coded gesture for 'yes.'

 _Lelouch is lying, and he's in love_.

_With me!_

-+-

Shuffling his feet nervously, Suzaku knocked on Lelouch's bedroom door. The prince had extended that open invitation, which Suzaku took to mean he was welcome any time he damn well pleased. Normally, he wasn't one to just drop in on someone, but this was different. He just couldn't keep silent anymore, especially after determining that Lelouch most likely loved him back. He’d been trying to come up with the perfect love confession, and it had been holding him back; nothing he thought of seemed good enough for Lelouch. But at the end of the day, as long as he spoke from the heart, surely that was all that mattered?

There was a bang inside—a chair falling over, it sounded like—and some bumping and grumbling. Finally, Lelouch threw open the door, his face reflecting surprise at the brunet's unexpected appearance. "Suzaku!"

The soldier swallowed shakily, barely managing a second-long smile. "Hey there, Lelouch. Can we talk?" His skin prickled with anticipation, and his feet felt like lead, bolted to the floor in front of his crush's bedroom.

Lelouch looked him in the eye, then stepped out of his hardly-open doorway—stepped partly into Suzaku, their chests brushing before he turned, yanking his bedroom door closed behind him. "Let's go to the kitchen," he suggested brightly. Too brightly.

Suzaku nodded, half puzzled as to why Lelouch didn't want him in his room, half disappointed because if things turned out the way he hoped, he wanted the bed nearby—just in case. Not that he'd ever go so far so soon, but the temptation lingered in his mind, spurred on by the flux of crazy dreams starring his best friend. "Sure," he choked, following Lelouch as if in slow motion. When he stepped into the kitchen, Lelouch was already making tea, keeping himself busy.

"What did you wish to talk about?" Lelouch asked, stirring sugar mindlessly into his cup. He never used sugar.

Suzaku felt dizzy, and he leaned back against the sturdy countertop. Sayoko and Nunnally were gone, so they still had privacy. If only he could get himself to speak! Just a simple 'Lelouch, I love you' would do, but he'd be lucky if he could manage a sound other than a croak. He'd heard before that, when you really believed in something, it was easy to speak. But that couldn't be true. He knew for certain that he loved Lelouch, and here he couldn't manage a single word! Maybe Lelouch would magically discern what he wanted to say; it wouldn't be the first time his friend had read him intuitively.

So with that in mind, Suzaku stared at Lelouch, willing all the love he felt to shine through his eyes.

Lelouch looked at him, sighed, and said carefully, "I know what you want to say."

Suzaku's head snapped up hopefully, green eyes glinting even brighter. _Of course you do. You always know._

"But I don't think it's a good idea," Lelouch continued, bravely staring the soldier straight in the eye. He hesitated, swallowing thickly, and his voice was gentle as he explained, "Some things, Suzaku, are best left as they are." Amethyst eyes shimmered with discernible regret. After another moment of silence, he looked away and suggested, "Maybe you should go…forget this ever happened…"

Unable to utter a word in the face of rejection, Suzaku nodded and left, the door slamming in his wake.

-+-

Behind him, Lelouch quivered and stared at the second cup of untouched tea. With slicing pain and frustration overpowering him, he hurled the delicate china at the wall. The satisfying crash mirrored the tumultuous emotions in his chest, and the brown tea bled down the wallpaper like blood dripping from his heart.

He sank to his knees, letting his head bang against a cabinet door. "I'm so sorry, Suzaku," he rasped, hoping Suzaku could sense his apology, wherever he was right now. _That was harder on me than it was on you, if you could ever believe it._ Slinging an arm over his eyes, he decided not to return to his room just yet.

C.C. would not be happy to see him after being shoved under the bed. But then, Lelouch hadn't known Suzaku was going to show up, and they both knew it was dangerous to be seen together. If she didn't scarf down so many pizzas, maybe she would fit under his bed easier! It was the witch's fault—entirely—and sometimes her presence annoyed him to the point of insanity. Like tonight. If she wasn't there, he could invite Suzaku into his room and then…well, then forget his resolve to end things before they began.

Lelouch had decided it after the Black Knights' debut. He was in too deep to consider a relationship with—his heart lurched—an enemy. After he'd had that fight with Suzaku, with his lovely Japanese boy half-naked but bleeding on his bed, he’d realized how utterly hopeless it was. _Suzaku can't accept Zero, and anything we could have would only be a mockery of a true relationship. Not to mention, he'd be a distraction. I can't let anything keep me from making Nunnally's peaceful world!_

Laughing mirthlessly, Lelouch hunched over on his kitchen floor. It felt cold.  _He must be so confused! I keep sending him mixed signals. 'Suzaku, make your move.' 'No, Suzaku, let's leave things as they are.' I wouldn't blame him if he hated me right now._ Lelouch curled deeper into himself, trembling violently, as if he had been the one brutally rejected. _And the thought of Suzaku hating me is absolutely unbearable! Why did I have to fall for that idiot?! …Why am I making both our lives miserable?_

The answer rolled into the room five minutes later, the whir of a wheelchair making Lelouch lift his tearstained face.

"Master Lelouch?" Sayoko asked from her place behind Nunnally. Worry shone in her warm eyes, and she looked around the kitchen, her gaze lingering on the shattered china teacup and soiled wall.

"I'll fix it," Lelouch promised, sweeping a hand through sweat-matted black hair. "I'll make everything perfect again."

-+-

"I'm glad," Suzaku said out of nowhere, still unable to look Lelouch in the eye. He'd been sneaking glances at the prince all day. Every once in a while, he'd notice Lelouch looking back at him out his peripheral vision. Neither of them had uttered a word until then, but playing eye-tag said it all: _This is hard. I miss you!_

Lelouch turned to stare at Suzaku. "Oh?" he asked, his voice as strained as the atmosphere in the Student Council room. "What are you so glad about this time?"

There was a good bit of space between them where they sat on the couch, and it was that engulfing space that was wrought with tension.

Suzaku laughed embarrassedly and looked to the side, a telltale pink hue staining his cheeks. Another memory of the embarrassing episode in Lelouch's kitchen flashed through his mind: the gravity of Lelouch's face as he indisputably rejected Suzaku's feelings. A romantic relationship was out of the question now, but… "We're still friends—best friends." It was an understood question as well: **_Are_** _we still friends?_

It was Lelouch's turn to look away. "Idiot," he murmured fondly. "Of course we are. Always."

Suzaku whipped around to stare at the older boy. "Even after…?" he asked, not wanting to put the incident to words. _I ruined everything yesterday! It's only a matter of time until everyone knows how badly I messed things up._

Lelouch nodded firmly, fine black hair swishing from the motion. " _Nothing_ could ever make us not be friends, you and I." Suzaku frowned, and Lelouch frowned too at that uncomplimentary reaction. "Why aren't you happy anymore?"

Suzaku fixed his gaze on the floor. It took extra effort to speak. "You shouldn't hold yourself back, Lelouch. I'm just…just an Eleven." _Maybe that's the reason Lelouch doesn't want to be with me._ He added earnestly, "There are so many others who are more worthy of your time and friendship, so why…?"

Visibly offended, Lelouch shot to his feet and grabbed his friend by the shoulders. His grip was weak, but his glare was strong as he all but hissed at the Japanese boy, " _Eleven_. Don't use that vile word around me. You're not a Number, Suzaku, you're a human being!" Grip tightening, his breathing hard, Lelouch leaned closer and vowed, "More than that, you're my best friend, and I don't give a damn if the rest of the world thinks you're worthless. I'll _never_ think that, do you hear me?"

Wide-eyed, Suzaku could only nod and stare into those burning purple eyes so close to his own. _I should have known Lelouch wouldn't be that shallow. But then, why…?_ "Le-Lelouch," he whispered, licking his lips. The tension increased again, pressing down on them, pushing them closer together while simultaneously keeping them from crossing that thinning line of friendship. Suzaku's heart raced, and he was overcome with the urge to slide that last little bit closer. He moved to clutch Lelouch by the shoulder…

…and Lelouch hurriedly tore himself away, losing some of his famous grace and composure in the process. "Well then," he breathed, turning his back on Suzaku. "I'm glad we got that settled."

-+-

He was alone in his sanctuary.

A light breeze ruffled Lelouch's bangs as he leaned on the roof railing, staring out at the school grounds spread before his ever watchful gaze. Dark clouds hung heavy in the air, but the approaching storm had yet to break. It reminded Lelouch of the night he'd shared with Suzaku at the Orange Café, only this time the thundershower seemed closer. Things were more open. Lelouch closed his eyes and tilted his head back, enjoying the feeling of the wind rushing across his face. Breathing deeply, he savored the freedom he felt up there, almost as if he were atop the world. The creak of a door opening caught his attention, and he turned to stare calmly yet expectantly at his friend. "Suzaku," he breathed, the brunet's name leaving his lips in a whoosh. His face broke out into a serene smile.

He was alone _with_ his sanctuary.

Suzaku quietly closed the door behind him, his head high but his shoulders tense. Green-gray sunlight broke through the clouds, casting an eerie, pale light on the soldier's haggard face. "Hi, Lelouch," he greeted solemnly. He rolled his shoulders, bravely meeting his friend's eye. "I know why you called me up here."

"You do?" Lelouch cocked his head, eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Since when do you predict my actions?"

Suzaku laughed mirthlessly. "I know, I know. That's your job." Green eyes followed a zigzag of lightning on the horizon. "But it doesn't take a genius to figure out what you want to talk about, Lelouch. And we both know I'm no genius."

Lelouch was silent, not bothering to argue and thereby confirming his agreement.

Point proven, Suzaku stood straighter, his gaze drifting back to Lelouch's face. The younger teen gulped. "Look, let's just get this over with. I know we already talked about how nothing changed our friendship, but I realized that I never said—"

"Oh no," Lelouch moaned, interrupting his friend as he foresaw where this was going. "You wouldn't dare say—"

"—I'm sorry." Suzaku hung his head.

The prince took a step closer to the soldier, moving away from the protective roof railing.

Suzaku's shoulders trembled; he looked as shaken as a leaf in a gale. "I assumed that you—I mean—I thought I wasn't the only one." Squeezing his eyes shut, he waited for the rain to fall so his tears would blend with the sky's. There was no blending. "I'm sorry," he croaked again. "I wanted to believe so badly that I ended up making things awkward between us. I know you know what I'm talking about." Sniffling, he pressed his arm tight against his eyes. "I didn't mean to. I wish I could take it back."

Lelouch was silent, taking it all in. He waited, letting Suzaku regain control of himself. Then, softly, he murmured, "That's funny. I don't."

Suzaku's head shot up, eyes popping open. "Wh-what?"

A smirk curled Lelouch's lips. "I said," he repeated himself, "that I don't wish you could take it back. I'm flattered, really." Purple eyes sparked with mischief as he finally put the situation to words: "That you like me, I mean. Suzaku."

Choking on his own breath, Suzaku stumbled backwards; Lelouch smoothly stepped in to grasp his shoulder and keep him upright.

Another long silence permeated the air between them.

Finally, Suzaku mumbled, "You're wrong."

"What?"

Suzaku looked up. "I don't just _like_ you, Lelouch. I—" A gust of wind sprang up, drowning his voice, carrying his confession away. He shifted uncomfortably from side to side.

Lelouch's smirk softened into a smile. His eyes glowed with happiness, but he only said, "You're wrong too, Suzaku. I didn't signal you up here to discuss _that_." He constricted his fingers tighter around the younger teen's shoulder, holding him in place. A glare transformed his face. "I wanted to talk about history class this morning." The discussion topic that day had centered on the Elevens' unquestionable defeat during the Second Pacific War, and half the students in their year had taken it upon themselves to remind Suzaku that he was born of losers' blood. Mrs. Kerr, of course, had done nothing to stop the ruckus, not even when Corbin Dixon and Farrell Fox had thrown spitballs at Suzaku's face.

The Japanese transfer student just shrugged. "It's not a big deal to me, Lelouch."

"Well, maybe it should be!" Lelouch erupted. He abruptly let go of Suzaku's shoulder and spun around, hands fisting at his sides. His voice was biting as he empathized, "You don't deserve what this school puts you through." Stormy shadows played across his face, and his words escaped through clenched teeth. "It's despicable: the way they treat you, just because you're Japanese."

Relaxing slightly, Suzaku couldn't help but smile. His heart swelled with gratitude—and the 'something else' that had been growing stronger every day he spent in the violet-eyed prince's company. Feeling brave, he ventured, "Lelouch, I wouldn't care if every other single person at this school hated me…as long as I had you."

Lelouch whirled around again. Disbelief and bliss warred on his face; bliss won. "Suzaku…" The air crackled with energy; the most electric space on the roof encompassed the inches between their heaving chests.

Suzaku looked embarrassedly to the floor. He was reminded of that time in the Student Council room recently, when he'd first come under the impression that Lelouch loved him in a romantic sense. Since he'd been rejected, he'd convinced himself that he'd read Lelouch wrong after all. But now…

It would be a crime for Lelouch to look so overjoyed and _not_ love him back.

White-yellow lightning flashed behind Lelouch's head, and Suzaku reeled back as if struck. Understanding dawned in his eyes, but was quickly overshadowed by storm clouds at the dim realization. It wasn't that Lelouch didn't _want_ to be with him; it was that they _couldn't_ be together. After all, a relationship between an Eleven and a Britannian—and two boys at that? Such a thing was basically unheard of! And if anyone discovered Lelouch was royalty…if anyone discovered a Britannian _prince_ had feelings for a lowly _Number_ …

Suzaku shivered at the potential ramifications.

Lelouch, meanwhile, was caught in his own circling thoughts. He'd vowed to himself not to complicate things further by taking that next step with Suzaku, but his heart ached at the empty feeling he knew they were both suffering. His own pain was augmented knowing Suzaku was smarting over his rejection; he winced, knowing he really just wanted to open his arms to the Japanese boy. He'd held out for almost five days now, keeping up the charade that the issue was a done deal. And yet…the roaring in his heart told him otherwise, and by Suzaku's last comment and tone, Lelouch knew the feelings he had for the other boy were still mutual. There was still a chance to turn this around.

Only, what about Nunnally's peaceful world? The Black Knights? _Zero?_

Suzaku…his Suzaku…meant just as much.

Hadn't he resolved to fix things? Staring at Suzaku's downcast expression, Lelouch realized there was only one thing to do. Well, there were always multiple options, but he stubbornly cast all other possibilities to the side. Lifting his hand, he brushed his index finger down Suzaku's cheek; the brunet jumped, but Lelouch only shushed him quietly.

Lelouch's brow furrowed as he planned. He might need to make adjustments to his other ambitions, but he was positive he could foster both his rebellion and a relationship. The Black Knights were for Zero, but Suzaku was for him—Lelouch, just plain Lelouch. If he denied both Suzaku and himself any longer, the strain would break them apart worse than Britannia had broken the world. When it came down to it, _he wanted Suzaku_.

And Lelouch _always_ got what he wanted.

It was time to take action.

Suzaku was pulled from his musings when he felt Lelouch shift closer. He jumped when pale hands hesitantly moved to clutch his shoulder and hip. Looking up, green eyes widened when Lelouch slid even closer until their uniformed chests brushed against each other. Too stunned to move, Suzaku's own arms hung uselessly at his side. Lelouch had always been more reserved when it came to emotion, to touch. Suzaku swallowed, trying to search his friend's face. There was nothing; Lelouch's expression was guarded, as always.

The first peal of thunder rippled across the sky as, without warning, Lelouch leaned in close and softly pressed his lips to the corner of Suzaku's mouth. The prince shivered against the soldier's strong frame, blood racing at his own daring. He was ninety-nine-point-eight percent certain that Suzaku felt more than mere friendship for him, but there was always that small margin of error where he was wrong. A few seconds passed, and Lelouch pulled back, forcing himself to meet that inquiring green gaze.

Suzaku froze at the initial contact. Was this really happening? Was Lelouch finally acknowledging this…whatever it was between them? Were their lips really so close? All he had to do was turn his head and they'd be kissing—but no, Lelouch moved too soon. The cool storm breeze chilled his bones, making him more aware of the unwanted space between their bodies.

His heart pounding erratically in his chest. Suzaku started to breathe again. Lelouch had just…and Suzaku, known for his quick reflexes, hadn't responded quickly enough… Nervous tingles swept through his body, and anticipation pooled in his stomach. Suzaku lifted his eyes, once more searching those violet irises so very close to his own. He swallowed, noticing the unsure and nervous look now reflected in those purple eyes, so openly out of place on Lelouch's normally arrogant and confident features.

Without a word, Suzaku slid his hands up his friend's chest, smiling inwardly at Lelouch's sharp gasp at the action. From there, he skimmed his fingers up the prince's pale, delicate neck until he reached red-tinted cheeks. Cupping Lelouch's face in his large, tan hands, Suzaku quickly guided Lelouch's lips to his for a full-on, direct kiss. He reassuringly gazed into his prince's loving violet eyes before his own eyelids slipped shut in pure happiness.

Lelouch sighed against Suzaku's mouth, letting himself relax against the stronger teen. His fingers clenched tighter around Suzaku's shoulder and hip, and Lelouch shuffled closer, trying to feel as much of Suzaku as he could. Living up to his namesake, Suzaku was so warm against him; Lelouch's blood was heating from the contact. Yet again, Suzaku was saving him on the rooftop but this time Suzaku was the source of the dizziness.

More thunder rumbled in the distance, dragging both boys from the haze of affection. The connection between their lips was short-lived as they pulled back simultaneously, acute embarrassment flooding their senses as the realization of the last few moments slammed their minds like lightning.

"Suzaku, I…" Lelouch tried to say, but failed. For someone who relied on always having the right words, he had nothing to say right now. Nothing fitting and appropriate. He could speak in front of millions of people, spouting political injustice, riling his rebellion followers, putting Britannian nobles in their place—but he could not find the right words to express his feelings to Suzaku. Sometimes he overlooked the simplest tactics.

Leaning in again, Suzaku just smiled and pressed another soft kiss to Lelouch's full lips. He was rewarded with Lelouch's own kiss, and they stood there on the roof, silently exchanging sweet, closed-mouth kisses back and forth, reveling in this newfound pastime that summed up what words at the moment could not. There was a sweet zing to their kisses, prompting them to continuously dive back for more.

Lelouch slid his arm around the small of the brunet's back, and Suzaku melted a bit more in his embrace.

Glee swept through Suzaku, and he knew he had to try again to voice his feelings. He could barely wrap his brain around the words he needed, he was so high off Lelouch; luckily, the message he needed was imprinted on his heart. Face shining, he said affectionately, "Lelouch, I lo—" He stopped, feeling Lelouch's cell vibrate between their breasts. Reluctantly, Suzaku let go of Lelouch so he could dig his phone out of his pocket. With a disappointed sigh, Suzaku glanced at the caller-id, wanting to know just who had interrupted his long-in-coming confession. He blinked at the 'no number' flashing on the screen, and his green eyes flicked questioningly to Lelouch as he stepped back, putting unnecessary distance between them.

Lelouch averted his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said. "This is important. I have to go."

Suzaku's face fell, but he tried to compose himself before Lelouch looked back his way. He'd automatically assumed they'd spend the night together, sorting out their relationship and getting everything on track for their future happiness. He'd already become used to the sensation of drowning in Lelouch's arms, of clinging to his prince as his anchor in the stormy sea of life. He wanted to feel something solid beneath his feet. Beneath his _and_ Lelouch's feet, standing together.

With one last apologetic glance, Lelouch left his soldier alone just as the rain droplets began to fall.

"I understand," Suzaku whispered to the empty rooftop, even though he really didn't.


	5. Finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented, left kudos, started following my Tumblr, etc. :D
> 
> Thanks to my lovely beta-reader, TheGeminiSage, for looking over this whale of a tale. She is love. ~~Go read her Undertale comic, _Refuse_. :D~~
> 
> AHHH, I'M SO EXCITED. Other than the 2016 SuzaLulu prompt responses, this is the first new SuzaLulu material I've posted. All the rest has been re-uploaded from 4-7 years ago, but THIS IS NEW. OMG. I'm so excited to finally get to this point!! 
> 
> Please enjoy the slow burn romance and let me know your thoughts. I **really** want to know how the relationship-building is coming across. Or if you have a favorite part or quote, please share so I know what I'm doing right. If I could improve something, let me know that, too.  <3

It had been four days. Four long, excruciating days.

Suzaku sighed into his borrowed textbook. No matter what he did, it all came back to—

“—Lelou?”

Straightening up, Suzaku glanced at Shirley, who was hovering over his desk. “Uh, what?” Suzaku asked, feeling warmth creep up his neck. When had class ended for the day?

“Suzaku, is everything okay between you and Lelou?” Shirley repeated herself, twisting her hands with nervousness. “It’s just that—you’re avoiding him.” She blushed and scrunched her eyes shut, squeaking, “I’m sorry, it’s none of my business!” in embarrassment. Starting to turn from side to side, she said in a small voice, “It’s just…Lelou does nothing but stare at you.”

 _And you do nothing but stare at him_ , Suzaku mentally filled in. “Lelouch and I are fine,” Suzaku said guardedly. _I can’t tell Shirley that Lelouch kissed me! She’d fall apart._ “We’re still _friends_ ,” Suzaku said loudly, watching from the corner of his eye how an obviously eavesdropping Lelouch flinched at that statement.

Shirley’s eyes popped open and she breathed a pronounced sigh of relief. “Oh good,” she chirped. “I was just a little worried. I’m glad to hear things are okay.”

“Sure are,” Suzaku said, forcing a laugh. It was killing him inside. Lelouch started to walk towards them, and Suzaku hurriedly said, “But I gotta get going now. I have work today.” Without another glance in Lelouch’s direction, Suzaku hightailed it out of the classroom. He couldn’t keep this up for long, and sooner or later, more people besides Shirley would start asking questions.

-+-

“Suzaku?” Cecile sported a puzzled expression as she stared at the young pilot. She hurriedly glanced at the calendar before looking back at him. “You do know you have the afternoon off today, right?” she reminded gently. “Lloyd and I are still analyzing the data from yesterday’s run.”

With a brisk nod, Suzaku climbed the steps to one of the raised laboratory platforms. “I know, but there’s nothing else for me to do,” he said, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. “There must be something I can help with.”

Cecile frowned. “It’s not good to coop yourself up in here,” she said, ignoring his offer. She stopped typing on her computer program and rolled her chair back, tilting her head at Suzaku as she prodded, “Don’t you want to spend time with your friends on the Student Council?”

Suzaku winced, struck by the remembrance of piercing violet eyes. “Ah, n-no,” he answered quickly, licking his dry lips. “I mean!” he backtracked, knowing he sounded suspicious but unable to keep from digging his hole deeper, “We’re not really planning any major school events, so I don’t have to be there or anything.” He mentally crossed his fingers, knowing Milly always had some scheme up her sleeve. It was worth the lies to keep away from Lelouch.

“Even so,” Cecile pressed while she worked on her research, “it’s good to be with friends. You’re still young; you should enjoy yourself.”

“I enjoy helping here,” Suzaku answered quickly, forcing a bright smile to his lips. It hurt when it felt like there was nothing left to smile about.  His hands shook at the memory of Lelouch’s abandonment, so he quickly stuffed them in his uniform pockets. He’d had a constant stomach ache ever since Lelouch had left him on the roof. “So,” he said, inwardly cringing at how throaty and scratchy his voice suddenly sounded, “what can I do?” It was then he was aware of the familiar stinging behind his eyes, becoming all the more pronounced as his mind replayed the rooftop scene unbidden—until all he could see was Lelouch's retreating back, again and again and _again_.

_I can’t stop thinking about him. I need to distract myself._

Cecile’s frown deepened as she moved over to Suzaku and worriedly felt his forehead. “You’re burning up,” she fretted. “Ever since you came home soaked four days ago, you’ve seemed a little sick. Now your throat sounds sore," she said with a concerned sigh. "I warned you not to push yourself with the Lancelot, and now you’re making yourself worse. Honestly, Suzaku, what will it take for you to watch out for yourself?”

Suzaku trembled under her hand. She thought he was sick; did heartache count as genuine illness?

“Come on,” Cecile urged. “I’ll put you to bed so you can get better.” Seeing Suzaku's mouth open in protest, she hurriedly said, “ _That’s_ the best way you can help: by focusing on your health. And don’t argue with me!” she warned sternly, her tone backed by almost-motherly warmth. True to her word, she guided him down the stairs to the base floor, through the lab and hallways, and into his military-issued dormitory. Along the way, Cecile fussed about how glazed Suzaku’s eyes looked, how pink his cheeks were flushed, and how congested he was with the occasional sniffle.

 _Great_ , Suzaku groaned, _she’s reading too much into this and then leaving me alone to rest, and I won’t be able to distract myself from…_ Him. Lelouch’s captivating violet eyes and windblown black hair, Lelouch’s mouth pressed sweetly against his, thunder in the background, Lelouch’s kiss again, and again, and again…

A groan slipped past Suzaku’s lips, and Cecile paused at the tortured sound. Turning to look fully at her younger friend and co-worker, she saw him transfixed by himself in the mirror.

Suzaku shivered; with his reflection mimicking him, it was like he was shaking twice as hard. His insides twisted at the sight of himself—reduced to a ghost of his former self, and wasn’t that a feat when he wasn’t much to begin with?  There were dark bags under his eyes from sleepless nights, and his brown hair stuck up every which way. His skin had lost some of its color, even though his cheeks were burning. His army uniform seemed looser on his solid frame. And the _expression_ etched on his face…

He squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to look at himself anymore, and when he opened them he saw Lelouch’s face in the mirror instead of his own. Unconsciously, he leaned closer, mesmerized by those deep purple eyes. “Lelouch,” Suzaku mouthed silently. He blinked, and suddenly he was seeing himself again, far too close for his own liking. Yelping, Suzaku shut his eyes, stumbled back, and fell against Cecile. He grunted and pressed the heels of his hands hard against his burning eyes, forcing himself to take deep breaths. Opening one eye, he chanced a look up at the mirror and frowned. Lelouch was just in his head. _Always_.

“Are you all right?” Cecile asked, steering him towards his cot. “You need to rest. I told you that you’ve been working too hard lately.” She pushed him down on his bed, with a force Suzaku would not have expected from her. “Can I get you anything?”

Suzaku gaped at her. “You’re too kind,” he mumbled. _If you only knew…_ He couldn’t bring himself to tell Lloyd and Cecile what had happened. He was so ashamed of how he’d acted—clinging to Lelouch so desperately, overstepping his boundaries, daring to love a royal Britannian prince… No, Suzaku had decided, no one else would know about this. Besides, what could he possibly say? That the boy he was utterly and hopelessly in love with kept sending him mixed signals, and that his weak little heart couldn’t take the pressure? Cecile might be the nicest person he could ever work with, but even she could never understand.

Sighing, Cecile swept his bangs out of his eyes—just a comforting gesture. “Suzaku,” she said quietly. “If something is bothering you, I hope you know you can always talk to us. Lloyd might be insensitive sometimes, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care for you. And I will always be there for you as well.” She waited to see if Suzaku would speak, and when it became apparent he wouldn’t, she went on, “If there’s nothing I can get you right now, then I’ll be back to check on you in a little bit.” With one last soft smile, she left Suzaku to his healing.

As soon as she left, as if given permission to brood and cry, Suzaku gathered his knees in his arms and warbled, “I love him. _Still_. What is the matter with me?!” In the privacy of his dorm, after four days of actively trying to forget, Suzaku gave himself over to the pain and anger. His walls were suffocating him, caging his anguish. The memory of being left alone on that dismal rooftop was stark and clear, and the sharp sense of betrayal he felt at Lelouch’s departure was muffled only by confusion. Why had Lelouch kissed him like that—and then left? What made Lelouch  _keep_ changing his mind? Did he even _want_ a relationship with his boyhood friend?

Suzaku knew he’d only find the answers once he faced Lelouch, but that was something he couldn’t bring himself to do just yet. Normally courageous, Suzaku found himself too terrified to act this time—scared of discovering that Lelouch really _didn’t_ want to be with him after all. He’d acted multiple times in the recent past, putting himself out there, and it had gotten to the point that it just wasn’t worth the resulting heartache time-after-time. There had been regret on Lelouch’s face as he’d left, but was it regret over kissing Suzaku in the first place or regret over having to leave in the middle of it? Suzaku felt that his hopes had already been snatched from his fingertips too many times to count, and he bitterly reminded himself that he deserved nothing less. Paranoia set in, and Suzaku’s frame shook harder as he imagined the worst. Brilliant as Lelouch was, perhaps he’d discovered the truth behind Kururugi Genbu’s death. Maybe Lelouch didn’t mind dating an Eleven, but he’d have good reason to mind dating a _murderer_.

Suzaku choked on his dry sobs and fell over on his side, still holding his knees close to his chest. It felt like there was a Knightmare in his chest, attacking his already-weakened heart with slash harkens. The last time he’d allowed himself to cry over Lelouch had been four days ago…

_Rain pelted Suzaku at an angle, driven by the harsh wind. His Ashford uniform clung to him like a second skin, and Suzaku bitterly mused that at least one of his skins looked Britannian. Tears of frustration welled in his eyes and spilled over to mix with the icy rain splattering the rooftop. His teeth chattered in the freezing cold, but he felt so detached from himself he barely noticed. Lightning flashed, and but a second later, booming thunder shook the roof. The storm had seemed to break over him, and Suzaku knew it was dangerous to be up so high and exposed. He was sure that the storm of emotions in his heart was a worthy competitor for the tempest whipping around him outside, but he was unsure which was more threatening to his wellbeing. Not that he cared._

_Lelouch had left over an hour ago, but Suzaku couldn’t bring himself to move. Would Lelouch come back, or had it all been a cruel joke? Or perhaps a mistake? They’d been **so**_ _close! Even without Lelouch there, Suzaku felt trapped and rooted by his lingering presence. After all, the roof was Lelouch’s top territory. Even though it hurt to be there, it was in a way comforting, too. Suzaku's hope that Lelouch would return to him dwindled as time went on, and only when the storm had passed into darkness did Suzaku numbly peel himself away from the slippery railing and make his way back to headquarters. By the time he crossed the street, he’d resolved to forget Lelouch. When he came across Lloyd and Cecile, he wasn’t crying._

-+-

Suzaku’s heart dropped. “Wh-what?” he asked, leaning closer to Milly. He carefully kept his gaze from certain _other_ members of the Council, though it took so much willpower that he almost missed her repeated announcement.

“We’re going to have our Student Council meetings at lunch this month!” Milly exclaimed with a feisty cheer. She waggled a finger in front of Suzaku’s nose, making him go cross-eyed as he tried to focus. “Ah-ah-ah! You’re not the only one disappearing. We’re missing too many members at the end of the day, so if we meet during lunch then everyone can contribute! We’re gonna see how it goes this month and take it from there.” She jumped and twirled, her skirt flying in the air around her (Rivalz got a nosebleed), pumping a fist of victory in the air at her genius. “No more skipping out on Council duties ’cause of work!” Milly admonished him, then turned on Lelouch with a sinister smile. “And _you_ …you have no excuse, so you’d better be there at lunch or I’m saving the entire budget for you!” Without waiting for an affirmative, Milly moved to grab Shirley by the arm. “And now you can keep up with the Council while still winning your swim meets!”

Shirley beamed. “Thanks, Madame Pres! You’re the best!”

Milly grinned wickedly, acknowledging the praise with a dark little giggle, and dropped Shirley to haul both Lelouch and Suzaku to her chest. Rivalz whimpered at the unfair treatment, clearly envious of how both the other Council boys had their faces pressed into the upper swells of Milly Ashford’s breasts. Milly continued cackling, the uproarious laughter causing her boobs to jiggle. Arthur flattened his ears at the booming noise.

Suzaku blushed—though more because he was eye-to-eye with the object of his affection (and torment) than because of the very-female breast cushioning his face. Lelouch was gazing at him so intensely from two tits over, and Suzaku’s breath hitched at the emotions reflected in those violet irises.

“I’m not letting you two run away this time!” Milly said, tugging both boys a little closer. “You have a lot to make up to me!”

Gulping, Suzaku nodded. He wanted to scream the same words at Lelouch, but even though they were closer than they’d been in days—separated only by a fraction of female body—he knew it wasn’t the time or place.

Abruptly, Milly released them and stepped back; they both went stumbling—straight into each other. Their foreheads bumped, and that brief painful touch was enough to send Suzaku fleeing.

But of course the escape was futile. Lelouch’s words followed him down the hallway, heavy with doom and promise: “See you at lunch, Suzaku!”

-+-

Zero robotically signed off on Tamaki's monetary request for prostitutes.

Ongoing plans were left hanging.

The Black Knights came to a standstill.

-+-

“Why don’t you use your Geass on him?”

His face drawn tight with anxiety, Lelouch whirled around. “Never!” he answered vehemently, slamming his fist on the desk. Pointedly turning his back on his immortal accomplice, he reached for his cell phone and scrolled through his contacts list; his muscles relaxed once black highlighted Kururugi Suzaku’s name on the screen. Lelouch had already left innumerable voicemails for Suzaku, but so far every single one had been ignored.  It made Lelouch’s blood boil to the point where he wanted to throw his phone at the wall; that was certainly how Suzaku must have felt that day on the roof...

Making that connection didn't help him feel better.

“Do you think it wise to become so obsessive of this boy?” The deadpan voice issued from his bed, and Lelouch stilled his finger before pressing the ‘call’ button. He tensed again in his chair as the bizarre witch continued, “It doesn’t really concern me—unless your involvement with Kururugi keeps you from fulfilling our contract.” C.C.’s words had a hint of disguised warning in them, and Lelouch slammed a fist on his desk again, making his laptop rattle; his plans for the Black Knights flickered on the screen.

Lelouch finally narrowed his eyes in C.C.'s direction. She was right; he had to honor their agreement. “You don’t have to worry,” he said curtly, dropping the phone. “I won’t forget.” With a forlorn sigh, he saved his files and exited them, finally closing his laptop with a snap. He couldn’t focus on the Black Knights now, not with Suzaku tugging at his thoughts.

Golden eyes blinked languidly at Lelouch from over the top of a Cheese-kun plushie. “I won’t tear you away from your lover boy,” C.C. offered, a small little smile curling her lip. Lightly she tacked on, “Not yet, anyway.”

Lelouch stiffened, but he had learned not to ask questions to which there would be no answers.

C.C. stared at Lelouch. “Why?” she asked, genuine puzzlement lacing her tone. At the his inquiring glance, she elaborated, “Why won’t you use your Geass?”

Letting out a heavy sigh, Lelouch turned a bit more in his chair. “Because it’s _Suzaku,_ ” he stressed. “I won’t _force_ him to be with me. He has to decide of his own free will.”

Raising an eyebrow, C.C. prompted, “You’re recycling your reasoning; that same reckoning is why you won’t force him to join Zero.”

“It’s the same concept,” Lelouch explained. “I won’t have him if it’s not what he wants.” Frustrated, he kneaded his forehead. His mind replayed the light in Suzaku’s eyes, the way his friend so eagerly responded to his advances on the roof. It might have been his imagination, but Lelouch could still taste a hint of Suzaku on his lips. “But that’s a problem too because he _does_ want me, I _know_ he does, but he just won’t let me in.” He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes.

“And why is that?”

Lelouch opened his eyes and lifted his chin. “Why is what?” he asked warily.

C.C. let out a dramatic sigh, as if she was dealing with a child, and prompted, “Why is he avoiding you?”

Brow furrowing, Lelouch tapped his fingers against his closed laptop. “I don’t know,” he said at last. “I know I must have hurt him by leaving, but even so, Suzaku would never run from a confrontation.” A corner of his lip turned up in a sardonic smile. “He sought them out when he was a child.” A memory of flying fists and snide remarks assaulted him, and he almost missed his companion’s remark.

“Ah, but people change.” C.C.’s tone was wistful. “Change is the essence of humanity.”

“Suzaku _has_ changed,” Lelouch admitted. “But he’s still no coward.”

C.C. quirked an eyebrow. “Then what is he?”

“Difficult.”

C.C. shifted and sat up, holding Cheese-kun to her chest. “Then why not use your Geass to nudge him along?” she persisted.

Lelouch gave her one of his patented _looks_. “I already explained why. I will not base a relationship on manipulation and control.”

With a glance of slight wondering, C.C. said, “You love him.”

At her vocalized insight, Lelouch suddenly found his bedroom window to be absolutely _fascinating_. The dying rays of sun fell serenely on a couple potted plants, personally grown in the Student Council garden before being transferred to his windowsill. There was nothing of interest beyond the windowpane, but Lelouch still felt compelled to stare at the fading sunset.

“I see,” C.C. mused. “All those girls after you, and you go and fall for the enemy soldier.”

Lelouch pursed his lips. “Your comments are unhelpful as always.” He hesitated a second before ordering, “You need to leave.” Something unpleasant rolled in his stomach, and he was surprised to find it was a minor case of guilt.

Tilting her head, C.C. blinked at him again. “Because I’m saying things that hurt your pride?”

“Because you’re saying things that are none of your business!” Lelouch corrected harshly, and then amended, “But more so because it isn’t safe for you to stay here.” He slid to his feet and marched over to his bed, moved to clutch C.C. roughly by the shoulders. “If— _when_ —Suzaku becomes a bigger part of my life, then there’ll be no room here for you to hide.” They’d already gotten lucky that one morning when Lelouch had doctored Suzaku’s wound after the Black Knights’ debut; it was best not to push it. He stared intensely into golden amber eyes, his gaze piercing, and repeated, “You cannot stay with me.”

C.C. snorted in his face, raising an eyebrow. “It would inconvenience me to leave simply because you can’t control your hormones.” She held up a hand, obviously anticipating his angered whining. “But I suppose I can sleep in another room in the Clubhouse.”

Lelouch looked to the side. “You can’t,” he said immediately. “Someone might see you. The Student Council isn’t the only group that meets here; the Culture Club—”

Rolling over on the bed, freeing herself easily from his grip, C.C. advised unconcernedly, “Make up your mind.” She looked back at him over her shoulder, her arms still wrapped around her damned Pizza Hut prize. “Do you want to cover your tracks or do you want some privacy with that soldier from Shinjuku?”

“Both!” Lelouch snapped, greedily wishing for the most, the best. He glared down at her sprawled form on the mattress.  “Things are getting too complicated for you to stay here.”

C.C. sighed and flicked her eyes away from his, disinterested. “So selfish,” she said. “I have nowhere else to go,” she said simply. “And besides, I’m your accomplice now. We’re bound together until our agreement is finalized.” She stretched and yawned, her muscles rippling under her white straitjacket; Lelouch carefully averted his gaze. C.C. rolled back on her side, facing away from him. “Good night, Lelouch.”

Sufficiently nettled, Lelouch gaped at her. “…It’s barely nighttime.” A minute shrug of white-clad shoulders was his only response. “You can’t—we need to figure out what to do. You’re my accomplice. So get off your lazy ass and do something, witch!” Lelouch ordered. He reached out again, but C.C. only shrugged off his hand.

“There’s nothing in our contract that says I have to help you figure out your gay love life,” C.C. reminded him. “It’s your problem; you figure it out.”

Lelouch pinched the bridge of his nose, frustration bubbling in his blood. His lungs were getting a good workout from all the coached deep breathing he was doing. “Right now, _you’re_ my problem.” He abruptly turned his back on her, his fists clenched at his sides. “I never invited you here in the first place.”

“You know you’d miss me,” C.C. said, and she sounded almost sweet.

Heaving a sigh, Lelouch compromised, “I’ll even find somewhere for you to stay. Lazy witch.”

C.C. snorted. “I refuse to be stuffed in your closet—or under your bed.” One time had obviously been one time too many. A couple lifeless chuckles escaped her. “As much as I support you, I don’t want to see you and your soldier boy getting close.”

Lelouch willed the blood to leave his face. “Shut up, witch!” he hissed. “I would never—no, I know what I’m going to do. I’m going to send you to the Black Knights Headquarters.” He smirked, pleased that he’d found a solution. “There’s space for you in my private rooms.”

“There’s one problem with that,” C.C. reminded him. “Your pawns don’t know about me yet.” She rolled onto her stomach. “And besides,” she said glibly, “I like it here.” She kicked her feet in the air, back and forth and back again.

“Do you have to be so difficult?” he demanded.

“Do you have to ask?” she countered. She looked him square in the eye. “What about using your Geass?”

-+-

Lelouch Lamperouge (vi Britannia) was no stranger to frustration and annoyance.  However, rarely did those emotions stem from being _denied_ —especially since he acquired his Geass—and _especially_ not by Kururugi Suzaku (overlooking the whole Britannian military issue, of course). Pale fingers drummed impatiently on the Student Council conference table, purple eyes narrowing as Nina, Milly, Rivalz, Shirley, and even Kallen made their way into the meeting room come lunchtime.  Lelouch had taken it upon himself to skip his before-lunch class, just so he could arrive early and—hopefully—snag a few moments alone with his idiotic lover-to-be.

Suzaku _would_ be his. He’d already put the Japanese teen in check.

Only…he hadn’t thought Suzaku would run away. Lelouch’s forehead crinkled. _Why is he making me chase him?_ He groaned under his breath, the confusion augmenting his frustration. Hadn’t he put himself on the line enough? Suzaku of all people would know how hard it had been for Lelouch, to open up as he had—to initiate a kiss. Lelouch shook himself out of it before the hazy remembrance could envelop him completely. His gaze sharpened, and he promised himself, “With a few more moves, I’ll have him in checkmate. He won’t be able to run from me anymore.”

“Who are you talking about?” Milly nosily interrupted, leaning a little too far into Lelouch’s personal space.

 _She comes out of nowhere!_ Lelouch inwardly grumbled, recoiling from Milly's invasion. His lips thinned as he realized he’d spoken aloud before, and he hastily said, “No one, Madame Pres.” He beamed up at her with a fake but apparently convincing smile, enough so she backed off with a pout.

“I _will_ find out, sooner or later,” Milly promised, and Lelouch shivered.

Rivalz rolled his neck until he was looking at the pair. Making puppy-eyes, he simpered, “Aw man, you’ve got another new opponent? And you didn’t _tell_ me?”

Lelouch tilted his head with a put-on sheepish smile. “Sorry. I didn’t think you’d go for this sort of thing. Not really your style.” _But thanks for the out, Rivalz._ Ignoring his friend’s spurts of protest, Lelouch swept his gaze over the room. Milly was ignoring Rivalz’s hurt and pleading expression—and really, those eyes were always for her benefit anyway—while Nina typed away at her ever-present computer, while Kallen hid a yawn beneath her hand, and while Shirley dangled string in front of Arthur. _Where **is**_ _he?_ Lelouch screamed silently.

It was safe to say he was at his wit’s end.

It had been five days since he’d left Suzaku on the rooftop, dragged away by his duties as Zero. It had been five days since he’d made up his mind to pursue a relationship with his childhood friend.  It had been five days since he had been able to relax and enjoy himself, caught by Suzaku’s lips under a rolling thundercloud. And it had been five days of _trying_ to talk to Suzaku, of signaling him with his shirt collar to meet on the roof so he could explain himself, and being blocked at every turn.

It was Shirley who blocked his vision now, standing between him and the door, with her hands on her hips. “Lelou, I really wish you’d stop gambling! You promised!”

The door slid open, and Suzaku slipped inside. His apologetic smile faltered as his eyes clashed with Lelouch’s, glittering dark with unspoken promise, and he stopped mid-bow at Nina’s fearful and scandalized gasp at his cultural greeting. “Sorry,” he mumbled with a shrug. “Habit.”

Lelouch’s gaze stayed locked on Suzaku as he sat down at the opposite end of the table. Still addressing Shirley, Lelouch soothed, “Don’t worry. I _always_ keep my promises.” A tiny prickle of satisfaction coursed through him as Suzaku jumped in his seat, obviously understanding that Lelouch’s words were meant for him and him alone.

-+-

“That’s a wrap!” Milly called, closing her Student Council business notebook with a snap. “Good job, everyone! I really think this lunchtime meeting is helping us get everything done.”

Lelouch snorted. “You can’t tell that after only two days, Madame President.”

“GUTS!” Milly yelled, grabbing the nearest pile of paperwork—which so happened to be the one Suzaku was arranging by class—and used it to bang her vice president’s head. The papers went flying, and everyone in the room stopped to stare at a hard day’s work demolished. “Oops,” Milly said, a little guiltily, and then frivolously waved her hand. “Lelouch and Suzaku can take care of this. Everyone else can go to afternoon classes.”

Suzaku’s eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head, and Lelouch stifled a sigh at how apprehensive the other boy still was of him. Was talking this out really so hard and frightening?

 “It’ll be okay,” Shirley comforted. “We’ll tell the teachers what happened.” She evidently attributed Suzaku’s near-panic to missing class.

“Why me?” Suzaku asked weakly.

Before Milly could interject, Lelouch seized his chance, earning Suzaku’s direct attention for the first time in too-many days. “Because it’s _your_ stack of paperwork that’s all over the floor now.”

Suzaku gaped at him, and even though his expression was incredulous, Lelouch’s heart soared because Suzaku was finally—finally— _looking_ at him.

“That’s right,” Milly declared. “And I’m leaving Lelouch to help since he dared to question me.” She winked at the two duty-laden boys. “Really, Suzaku, you should be gracious of my kindness.”

Suzaku leapt to his feet in quick desperation. “I am! But honestly, Le-Lelouch can go on to class. I don’t mind. It was my fault anyway.”

A slim eyebrow rose over Lelouch's left eye. “Your fault?” he demanded quietly, icily. Suzaku was turned away again, predictably so, but Lelouch plowed on. “ _Nothing_ is your fault.” Green eyes snapped back to his for an instant, and Lelouch took courage from that brief contact. He rose gracefully to his feet and stepped nearer the other teen, stopping when Suzaku stiffened from much-too-close proximity. “Stop blaming yourself,” Lelouch said softly, the undercurrent of meaning clear through his tone. His words were punctuated by the sliding door, already separating them from the rest of the world as the other Council members left unnoticed.

Suzaku bent over to gather some loose papers, and Arthur’s ears perked at him from beneath the table. “I don’t know what else to think,” he finally forced out, knowing the real topic of discussion was what happened a week ago.  It sounded like there was something jagged caught in his throat. 

Lelouch frowned pointedly, his heart twisting. “It wasn’t you,” he insisted, stepping even closer. “You need to let me explain. We can figure things out from there.”

“I don’t want to listen to your excuses,” Suzaku choked out, shooting Lelouch an angry scowl. His eyes were dark, shiny-green. He spun around and slammed his hands flat on the conference table; Arthur scuttled from beneath as the wood shuddered. “Lelouch, I would rather be Synclair Worth’s punching bag for a _decade_ than have another afternoon like seven days ago.” His voice trembled, and his gaze was fixed on the wood grain under his fingers.

 _Anything so he won’t have to look at me_ , Lelouch figured. He winced. _But at least he is finally opening up._ Suzaku’s confession processed, and Lelouch felt his chest constrict just a little tighter. _It wasn’t **all** bad!_ “I really have hurt you _that_ bad, haven’t I?” Lelouch said regretfully. He swept Arthur into his arms and offered him to Suzaku, using the cat as a sort of perverse impromptu peace offering. Arthur snarled at the brunet's questing hand, and Suzaku retreated even farther from the action. Lelouch was quick to drop the cat after that and, ignoring Arthur’s hiss, followed his crush with a soft but unyielding, “Look, Suzaku, I’m _sorry_ for that. I’ve been trying to tell you this whole time that I—” He paused, swallowing thickly. “Anyway, I already apologized. I’ve been trying to for days.”

Suzaku sucked in a breath, his eyes softening. “Lelouch…”

“I didn’t want to leave you,” Lelouch murmured raggedly. “I still don’t.” Violet eyes shone with sincerity, and Lelouch reached to tenderly cup Suzaku's face.

Suzaku seemed to melt at the confession—before tearing himself away and retreating to the other side of the table. His voice was strained as he bit out, “Stop it, Lelouch. I can’t trust—after all the jerking around—” He broke off abruptly, covering his eyes.

Immediately, Lelouch’s heart twisted further. _Oh, Suzaku._ He started to follow and reach out his hand, then pulled back before he made contact with Suzaku’s shoulder. His fingers ended up in a fist over his left breast, and it was a little harder to breathe. _I’ve broken him this time. I’m no better than Britannia!_ Dismayed and humbled, Lelouch cleared his throat. “I didn’t mean—”

“And now you’re going to give me empty promises,” Suzaku predicted, still hiding his face. His shoulders trembled. “You’re going to give me hope that there can be something between us after all, and then you’re going to snatch it away and retreat behind your walls. Like my feelings for you are some kind of sick joke or—or g- _game_ …”

Lelouch gasped sharply, frozen in shock. _I don’t think that at all. How can I get through to you?_

Working himself up, Suzaku finally lifted his face free from his hands. Angry tears still glittered in his eyes as his voice cracked raw around the words: “You don’t get to toy with me, Lelouch. I’m not just some chess piece you can manipulate; I’m a human being.” Suzaku hesitated for a split second, losing some of his resolve, before he finished reprovingly, “I thought you were the only person in this school who understood that.” He turned his head again, unable to meet Lelouch's eyes.

 _Ouch, that stung. But at least_ _he is finally talking and sticking up for himself now. That’s a step in the right direction._ Flinching at the slew of accusations finally spilling from Suzaku's mouth, Lelouch admitted wryly, “I guess I deserved that.”

“You think?” Suzaku shot back bitterly.

With a rueful smile, Lelouch slid into a seat and tugged Suzaku down next to him; he didn’t release his friend’s hand.  _I’m not letting you run away this time_. “I know you’re upset,” Lelouch acknowledged, “but you’re not the only one hurting.”

Suzaku snatched his appendage from Lelouch’s skin as if burned. “Stop pretending that you give a damn. And more than that, stop acting like you’re the victim here, Lelouch, because the last time I checked, _you_ were the one turning your back on us!”

Lelouch gaped at him, for once struggling to get the words out.  _Suzaku’s on a roll. I don’t know whether to be proud or upset_. He felt both regardless. Finally, licking his lips, he bowed his head and muttered, “You’re wrong.”

“Of course I am. You always have to be right,” Suzaku pointed out scathingly. He reached down for some stray papers and scooted his chair farther away from the vice president's spot. “Look, I really don’t want to have this conversation anymore, Lelouch,” he said, voice like steel. “To be honest, I’m having a really hard time even looking at you right now.”  He started to organize papers, paused, reconsidered, and gathered himself through forced words, “Of course, we can still be civil when we have to work together.”

Lelouch roughly dragged his hands across his eyes. “So that’s it, then?” he pressed. “I’ve listened to you, but you’re not going to let me explain my side?” _You need to know it wasn’t on purpose!_ Irritation drained from his face. _This is my fault. I made him like this._ He took another deep breath. “There are things I need to tell you, and we both owe it to each other to figure things out.” Arthur yowled his agreement.

“Right,” Suzaku agreed sarcastically. “You mean like earlier?” Before Lelouch could answer, Suzaku continued in a faux-pleasant tone, “And what will it be this time—another phone call or a forgotten appointment that interrupts us?” His papers ripped from the amount of pressure he was exerting on them, and Suzaku growled.

Lelouch could relate to his frustration; it felt like everything kept breaking around them. Shaking his head, a somber expression on his face, Lelouch said, “Nothing will get in our way—”

“Save it for someone who cares,” Suzaku cut in, shutting his eyes in a clear desperate attempt to block the tears and keep up with his strong façade; it was a futile effort, however, since Lelouch could see straight through him. “Stop pretending you know me so well!” He held a hand up, palm out in Lelouch’s direction. “I already told you that I don’t want to hear it.” His heart was thumping so loud that Lelouch could hear the lie.

“I _do_ know you, Suzaku,” Lelouch stressed. “You _do_ care or you wouldn’t be here!” He leaned in closer to the other boy. _We still have a chance if you’d just **listen** for once!_

Suzaku leaned away, but he didn’t bolt from his chair.

“So stop lying to me,” Lelouch argued. “Stop lying to _yourself_.” His gaze was determined, and he lifted his hand again; Suzaku turned abruptly away, smoothly evading pale fingers.

“I can’t,” Suzaku said. One tear spilled over.  “This is the only way I can…”  His breath hitched, and switching focus, he begged, “Can’t we just forget it ever happened?”

There was horror tinged with anguish, anger, and disbelief in Lelouch’s expression at the suggestion. “No! I never meant to hurt you,” he said, a bit brokenly. “I understand why you’d think—but no, you’re wrong. You _need_ to listen to me.” Before Suzaku could protest again, Lelouch reached over and shushed him with a pale index finger against his lips. Surprisingly enough, Suzaku stilled at the contact. Rushing to take advantage of the opportunity, Lelouch emphasized, “You’re not a chess piece to me, Suzaku. You never were. What happened on the roof was a misunderstanding, and I admit I handled it poorly.” He stopped to take a breath. _I never acknowledge my mistakes so openly, so surely he has to realize how serious I am about him?_

Suzaku blinked, but he at least seemed to be listening instead of fighting. He was slowly coming around.

Lelouch inwardly smirked. _Checkmate_. “Kissing you wasn’t a mistake,” he clarified, starting to trace Suzaku's lips with his conveniently placed finger. As Suzaku jerked slightly at the motion but didn’t pull away, Lelouch confessed, “To be honest, I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while now." He deliberately flicked his hooded gaze between his best friend’s eyes and mouth. They looked as tempting as ever. “I never wanted to leave you. Something important came up at the last minute there, but I should have made sure you knew where I stood before leaving. I know I hurt you. You must have felt so betrayed, so confused... Rejected. And again, I’m sorry.” _I never apologize either. The things I do for this boy!_

Nodding, Suzaku opened his mouth, but no sounds came out as Lelouch leaned in and gently rested their foreheads together.  His free hand moved to brush through brown curls at the base of the brunet's neck, and Suzaku’s hands lifted uncertainly to rest on Lelouch’s shoulders. Suzaku finally sighed and let his eyelids flutter shut, giving in to the peaceful cocoon that was slowly replacing the awkward tension and anger. At long last, he whispered searchingly, “So you _do_ want to do this?”

“Yes.” Lelouch’s immediate answer was just as hushed and sacred. His hand slid slowly down from Suzaku’s lips to rest over his left breast.

Heart thumping wildly beneath Lelouch's hand, Suzaku questioned, “And you _mean_ it this time?” He opened his eyes to gauge Lelouch's sincerity.

With a genuine smile on his face, Lelouch nodded against him. “I always meant it,” he answered lowly—huskily.

Suzaku dropped his head against Lelouch's shoulder, burying his face in the crook of a pale neck as he started to shake. Lelouch's arms were around him then, holding him tenderly, keeping him in one piece.  Suzaku returned the embrace wholeheartedly, letting Lelouch support and steady him. "I'm sorry, too," he croaked, his tears wetting Lelouch's skin. "I made things worse by ignoring you. By not listening."

Shrugging, Lelouch only tucked Suzaku closer. "You needed time to process," he realized aloud. "Maybe I shouldn't have pushed you before you were ready."

"I understand you just wanted to m-make things right between us again," Suzaku acknowledged around a stifled hiccup. He grasped Lelouch's shoulders even tighter, as if he'd never let go. "If you still want...I'm...I'm ready _now_."

“Suzaku,” Lelouch said again, and the brunet seemed surprised at the emotion contained in those three syllables—the sounds of his _name_.  Lelouch stood and drew Suzaku to him purposefully, bringing the lengths of their bodies into close contact. They both sighed at the sparks skittering down their spines, at the tingles emanating from wherever they were pressed intimately together—at the immense relief that they were once again on the same page, where they belonged. Lelouch just _knew_ that Suzaku felt what he felt, and he was never wrong.

Pressing closer, Suzaku lifted his head. Green eyes searched purple for any hint of trickery, but must have found only true warmth and affection. Relaxing even more, he started to back Lelouch up against a wall until he had him pinned.

Lelouch guided him slowly out of view of the windows, stopping once they were hidden from the public behind Arthur’s cat tree—so he could press a hard kiss to Suzaku’s lips. He pulled back rather quickly, hesitant in this newness, and Suzaku swayed as Lelouch seductively invited, “Stay for dinner?”

-+-

Suzaku’s hands were sweating as he sat on the couch—in the same seat he’d taken after his first dinner at the Lamperouge suite, all those weeks ago, when the feelings he had for his best friend were just beginning to grow into something special. He nervously wiped his palms on his pants. Of course 'staying for dinner' didn’t mean just _dinner_. He almost jumped out of his skin when Lelouch sank gracefully onto the cushion next to him, sidling so close their sides pressed intimately together. Suzaku inhaled sharply, focusing dizzily on the heat seeping into his body from where he was snug against the other boy. He felt Lelouch against him every time he breathed.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Lelouch said softly. He reached for the brunet’s hand, but Suzaku quickly pulled it away.

“Don’t,” Suzaku warned. “It’s—”

“—sweaty?” Lelouch finished for him, catching hold of Suzaku's hand regardless. He squeezed the tan appendage extra tight, looking Suzaku straight in the eye. “I don’t mind,” he said firmly. The slight grimace on his face belied his words, but the conviction in his eyes was clear to read. “I’ll live,” Lelouch amended with dry humor, shifting so his body leaned further into Suzaku’s. “Besides,” he continued, “I’m going to have to contend with worse once this relationship progresses.”

Both boys immediately blushed at the forwardness of Lelouch’s words, but neither released the other’s hand.

Suzaku looked up, caught Lelouch’s eye, and hurriedly looked away. His face was _burning_ and it felt like time was moving in both slow motion and fast forward. Nervous tingles swept over his body from head to toe, and he had to remind himself that this was _really_ happening. Lelouch had referenced their 'relationship,' and they were sitting together, holding hands on the couch. Suzaku shivered. His spine was straight and locked in place, and the pounding in his ears matched the thrumming of his heart. Lelouch’s home looked the same as always, but it felt different today—alien somehow.

Being near Lelouch felt different too, and not entirely in the good way.

For a fleeting moment, Suzaku wondered if he had made a mistake. He’d finally gotten what he’d wanted, so why did it feel so damn _awkward?_ This was _Lelouch!_ Suzaku wanted nothing more than to bury his face in his hands and scream out his frustration, but he had no privacy. Also one of his hands was still grasped securely by Lelouch’s, so that would be rather difficult. “What now?” he whispered, his throat dry and scratchy. The world felt perilously close to toppling in on itself at the sound of his voice.

Lelouch shifted uneasily, and Suzaku relaxed somewhat at the revelation that Lelouch was just as nervous and uncomfortable. Shrugging slightly, Lelouch looked at Suzaku out his peripheral vision. “Talk?” he suggested. “Practice?”

“Practice what?” Suzaku asked, feeling his face grow even hotter. Lelouch’s cheeks, too, were as pink as they'd ever been, and Suzaku’s doubts melted away at the sudden urge to discover whatever _else_ made the refined prince so undone.

Lelouch cleared his throat and glanced up at the ceiling. “You know,” he said vaguely. He gestured _wildly_ with his free hand, then stared at Suzaku with an expectant look.

Suzaku laughed, the sound too loud in his own ears. “…You know I have _no idea_ what all that was supposed to mean, right?” he asked.

“You don’t?” Lelouch asked blandly. He tilted his chin down and stared hard at the floor, carefully avoiding Suzaku’s eyes. His fingers flexed in Suzaku’s hold. Taking a deep breath, he released it and sank back into the cushions. “Stop being an idiot,” he ordered gently, his low voice still directed at the floor. “You’re the one person in the world who can read me so well. Considering the situation we’re in, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what I meant. Put it together.”

Embarrassment washed over Suzaku at the implications, and he hurriedly followed Lelouch’s gaze. He swallowed thickly and hastily said, “In the meantime, let’s have that talk.” He squirmed, feeling the blood rush to his head. Doubts and fears ran rampant through his mind, but they were suppressed by the overwhelming euphoria that Lelouch had said _yes_. He couldn’t compare the feeling to anything he’d experienced before. Glancing up, Suzaku squared his jaw and stared at the side of his best friend’s face. “ _Why_ did you leave me on the roof last week? I’ll listen to anything you have to say.”

Lelouch visibly flinched. “I told you. I…had something to take care of,” he responded shortly. “It was important.”

Suzaku pursed his lips in a disbelieving frown. Waited. Waited some more. “That’s it?” he asked finally, unimpressed. Righteous anger coursed through him. “That’s your whole explanation? That’s not an answer at all!” He turned his body more so it faced Lelouch. “If we’re going to do…this,” Suzaku said, waving his hand around—in a much less elaborate way than Lelouch had earlier—“then you have to give me something more.”

“You should trust me,” Lelouch countered, looking to the side instead of into Suzaku's eyes. “There are some things I have to keep to myself, Suzaku. I know there are things in your life you don’t want me prying into, so please give me that same respect.” He lifted his head, purple eyes heavy with gravity.

Suzaku gulped, knowing Lelouch's words to be true. His father’s dying scream echoed in his head, and Suzaku nodded without really considering his options. “Of course, Lelouch. But at the same time…” He fidgeted again and finally caught his friend’s eye. “I still need more of an explanation. I deserve to know.” A heavy sigh escaped his lips. “You should trust me with some of your secrets. We _are_ best friends, after all.”

Lelouch chuckled, and though Suzaku had heard him laugh often enough before, this time it sent a thrill down his spine. His expression caught between a smirk and a smile, Lelouch overly-innocently asked, “We are?” He squeezed Suzaku’s hand in his and said, “I was more under the impression that we were boyfriends now.”

Suzaku knew it was a distractive maneuver, but he honestly couldn’t help it. His heart was beating so fast and his head was swimming. A pleasant heat swept over him, and before he knew what he was doing, he’d already leaned in and lightly caught Lelouch’s lips with his. His eyes opened wide once he’d realized what he’d done, and he pulled back with a quiet mumble of, “I’m sor—” but was quickly silenced as Lelouch followed him back, reconnecting their lips so firmly that Suzaku fell backwards on the couch. Lelouch’s lean body automatically followed suit, and Suzaku’s mind spun with the fact that his best friend—his _boyfriend_ —was lying on top of him on the couch, _kissing_ him, holding his face, kissing him _harder_ …

Suzaku couldn’t help it. He moaned.

Lelouch pulled back, panting heavily. “You’ve…nothing to…apologize for,” he chastened between puffs of air. The silence enclosing them lost some of its chill bite. Violet eyes pierced Suzaku's with devotion, and Lelouch offered, “I received a phone call the other day that I had to take. It was about something you wouldn’t approve of, but nothing you need to worry about. I know what I’m doing.” He took another deep breath, clearly trying to get himself under control. “It involves other people, so there’s not much I can tell you without betraying _their_ trust. Really, Suzaku, I wish I could tell you more, but I can’t. I don’t know what else to say.”

“Huh?” Suzaku groaned, his head still fuzzy from Lelouch’s touch. His mind snapped back into gear, and he speedily processed his boyfriend’s explanation. _He says he can’t, but at least he’s **trying** to give me something more. _ His eyes narrowed with suspicion. “This is about your gambling, isn’t it?” he pressed, voice sour but still hoping that was true. It was better than the alternative his mind kept tossing around—like maybe Lelouch being caught up in the Black Knights or something similar…

Lelouch shrugged, a superior smirk adorning his face. “You caught me,” he admitted freely. “But I can’t tell you more than that.”

Suzaku gritted his teeth, despite the slight ease of worry that swept through him at the older teen's admission. _I’m being paranoid_. It was freeing to rid himself of his suspicions, but at the same time… “I don’t like this.”

Lelouch looked to the side. “I’m not asking you to. Trust me, Suzaku, the less you know, the happier you’ll be.” Leaning down, he laid his head on the brunet’s shoulder, his breath steadily fanning Suzaku's neck. “It truly was an important call. I never would have left you otherwise,” he said softly, his mouth angled towards Suzaku’s ear.

Wrapping his arms snugly around his new boyfriend, Suzaku sighed and wondered, _More important than me—than us?_ The elegant sitting room had no answers. Suzaku was on his own, and his gut cried—“All right. I see that’s the best I’m going to get.” He hugged Lelouch closer. It wasn’t enough, but at least they were moving forward. Suzaku’s breath caught, and before he could help himself, he begged, “Do you _really_ mean it, though, that you want this— _me_?” His insecurities truly cropped up at the worst times. He shivered, and he knew Lelouch felt it above him. “I mean, you’re not going to change your mind again, are you?” There was a desperate, pleading note in his voice, and Suzaku cringed at the sound.

Lelouch pushed himself up on his elbows and stared down at Suzaku’s face. “I promise,” he said, his words laced with sincerity, “and I swear I’ll prove it.” He swept dark hair out of his eyes as he explained, “At first, I thought it wasn’t a good idea. You and me. But I always _wanted_ it to happen, and even if it’s not the smartest decision I’ve made, it’s one I’ll never regret.”

“What? Not the smartest…” Suzaku looked hurt. Felt shattered.

A warm smile graced Lelouch’s lips as he elaborated, “What I mean is, when you think about it, you and I don’t seem like we would work. There are so many complications. But when it comes down to it, and it took me some time to realize this, the feelings I have for you are strong enough to overcome any obstacles.” Tracing slender, pale digits down Suzaku’s cheek, Lelouch clutched the other boy’s chin and lowered himself down for another kiss.

Suzaku moaned happily in the back of his throat as he let his lips be captured, Lelouch’s name leaving his mouth in a satisfied little sigh. Suzaku's heart was reassembling itself yet again, quicker than before after all the recent hits it had been subjected to lately. His eyes were gleaming with delight at the emotion in his boyfriend’s confession, and his cheeks were warming up again. Tilting his head further into the other boy’s touch, Suzaku reciprocated Lelouch’s affection. His hands clenched in the fabric of Lelouch's uniform, and his pulse raced each time Lelouch’s lips moved differently against his. Suzaku lost track of time, so caught up in the feeling of his _boyfriend’s_ kisses, made sweeter by the mere fact that this was _Lelouch_ initiating things again, and Suzaku felt his heart soar higher with each new kiss. Automatically, the locked words finally tumbled free from his tongue amidst kisses—“I love you, Lelouch”—and the prince stopped short, pulling back just far enough to read into Suzaku’s eyes.

“I know,” Lelouch said softly. He cupped Suzaku’s cheek with his hand, his thumb gently tracing the brunet’s kiss-swollen lips. “Just as you must know how I feel about you.”

Suzaku’s breath caught. “I—” His eyelids fluttered closed, and he just let himself revel in Lelouch’s weight atop him. Relief surged through him that Lelouch hadn’t turned away at such a heavy confession, highlighted by disappointment that, despite the positive reaction, Lelouch hadn’t returned the sentiment. “I want to hear you say it,” Suzaku appealed, a bit demandingly. Lelouch _owed_ him, dammit. He felt the older boy adjust his position above him, and then he felt Lelouch’s breath hitting his sensitive earlobe.

“So difficult,” Lelouch teased before consenting. His words meant for Suzaku alone, he confessed, “I love you, too. _Aishiteru_ , Kururugi Suzaku.” The world spun, shone, synchronized with romantic bliss. Pulling back, he scoffed, “As if _that_ wasn’t obvious by now.”

Not even Lelouch’s sarcasm could spoil this moment for Suzaku, especially after the meaningful _Japanese_ love confession. Opening his eyes, he saw his boyfriend’s usual smirk in place, but there was something soft around the edges that drew Suzaku’s attention. He leaned up and kissed that smirk right off Lelouch’s face.

-+-

They’d been kissing on and off for over an hour, punctuating lip locks with questions and consent and cuddling and nuzzling and sweet nothings—which in Lelouch’s case sounded oddly enough like chess metaphors.

(“I’ve captured you at last, Suzaku, my main piece. Together we’ll sweep the board.”

“I’m not a chess piece, Lelouch, remember?”

“Oh, not even in this context?”

“Ugh, okay, fine. Go ahead. It was sweet…for you.”)

It was awkward but exhilarating and Lelouch never, ever wanted it to stop.

“I never thought you’d be so…affectionate,” Suzaku mused as Lelouch pressed his face gently into his new boyfriend's neck, dropping dry kisses here and there.

Eyes wide, Lelouch pulled back. Embarrassment and a tinge of shame made him hot all over, and he flinched like he'd been cornered. Clearing his throat, he offered, “I can stop if it bothers you.”

Suzaku shook his head right away, smiling reassuringly up at him. “No, I like it. I just wasn’t expecting it from you, Mr. Ice Prince.”

Lelouch immediately raised an eyebrow at the nickname, and he chuckled sardonically. “I suppose I do have that reputation, don’t I? But,” and here he stopped, reaching out to cup Suzaku’s face in his palm before continuing, “it’s different with _you_.” He and Suzaku had always had a close comradery that sometimes resulted in simple affection—intentionally brushing up against each other, leaning on one another, resting heads on each other’s shoulders, and just generally being all up in each other’s business where outsiders weren’t allowed. It simply made logical sense to Lelouch that their displays of affection would grow and change as they entered into a more romantic relationship.

“Yeah, but it just doesn’t seem like you,” Suzaku explained with a mild shrug. He leaned into Lelouch's tender touch. “I’m not complaining, though.”

Frowning, Lelouch mumbled, “I thought I was supposed to…” _Isn’t that how this relationship deal works?_

Suzaku’s brow furrowed at that and he protested, “Lelouch, you don’t _have_ to do anything. You don’t need to overcompensate to be my boyfriend. Just be yourself. That’s who _I’m_ here for.”

Lelouch blinked rapidly as he processed that.

“I know you’re normally reserved,” Suzaku added. “I don’t want you changing yourself for me.” His face turned pleading.

Shaking his head, Lelouch felt his cheeks heat up. The embarrassment grew stronger as he admitted, “It’s true that normally I’m not one for casual touching. But, alone with you, like this, there’s the fact that I…well, I…” As what usually happened around Suzaku, Lelouch forgot how to master language, even as his thoughts were racing. _I can’t believe it either, but I like it._ _You feel so safe and amazing._

Suzaku raised an expectant eyebrow.

Lelouch coughed and looked at the wall before saying in a rush, “I admit it. I enjoy it, okay? I don’t get to do this with anyone else. I mean, I’ve never _wanted_ this with anyone else. Just you. I really, _really_ want this with you, Suzaku.” Gathering his resolve, he explained further in slightly slowed-down speech, “I trust you enough to let loose with you. That is, there’s never been anyone else I’ve felt comfortable letting my guard down around to engage in this kind of affection...” Trailing off, he swept a hand through his hair, glancing at Suzaku’s eyes briefly before finishing, “Anyway, we’re boyfriends now, which gives us a little more freedom with what we can do together—if _you’re_ okay with that—and I just want to satisfy this need and keep touching you, Suzaku, in any way I can.” As soon as he said the words, he blanched and followed up with, “Oh, wait, that came out perverted and disturbing. Let me rephrase that. Um…”

Suzaku gaped at him throughout the prince’s typical speech-length answer, mouth falling open. “Le…louch…” he said. “I understand what you mean. Yeah, I’m comfortable. I said I liked it. And, I like getting to see a side of you that you don’t show anyone else.” He shivered. Color rose in his cheeks as he confessed, “It…it feels good when you touch me…”

Lelouch breathed a sigh of relief, feeling his heart race at the younger boy’s words. He felt better knowing Suzaku seemed to be just as uncomfortable with the awkward parts of re-defining their relationship. Smirking outwardly to showcase his control, he concluded, “Then I’ll have to keep touching you so we both stay satisfied.”

Jerking a little, Suzaku’s green eyes darkened with want. “Lelouch,” he said, his voice hushed.

“It feels good…when you touch me, too,” Lelouch shared, fidgeting a little on top of the brunet. It was easier to say that out loud since Suzaku had said it first. “I…I like it…when you’re affectionate with me…” He felt more ashamed, as if he was throwing away his masculinity to admit something of that nature. But he _did_ enjoy when Suzaku kissed him, or nuzzled his ear, or stroked his face. It felt damn nice being cherished in such a manner, almost like it was filling in a hole he hadn’t known existed since his mother had died. He still would never allow such intimate touches from anyone else, but Lelouch's heart soared since it was _Suzaku_.

Then Suzaku smiled up at him non-judgmentally, eyes twinkling with a happiness that had been absent for far too long, in Lelouch’s opinion. Lifting his chin, Suzaku chuckled and promised, “Okay, then I’ll keep touching you in return. That’ll be easy. I’ve always been a more tactile person and I’ve wanted to be closer to you for the longest time. I’ll take any chance I can to jump on that.” He brushed his fingers up Lelouch's cheek and behind his ear, following the curve of his pale jaw back down.

Lelouch shivered at the touch, excitement bubbling up at the loving caress. It almost tickled. It was funny how doing a motion to himself didn’t cause a single reaction, but when Suzaku did the same motion, suddenly his body generated all kinds of tingles. “Good,” Lelouch replied. “I expected you to be touchy-feely, so I’m glad you’re confirming my predictions.” Life was good when Lelouch found himself proven right. He leaned down to catch his boyfriend’s lips with his, holding Suzaku's face firmly but tenderly in his hands.

Thus started another round of kissing, nuzzling, and chess-related sweet nothings. (“Come occupy my square.”) They were a bit more open than at first, having pushed through their first awkward discussion about something they liked.

 “How long do we…do this for…?” panted Suzaku after awhile, staring red-faced at his Britannian boyfriend.

Lelouch cocked his head and pulled back. “However long we want,” he guessed. “Are you already tired of kissing?”

“ _Never!_ ” Suzaku exclaimed. “I just…wasn’t sure how it all…” He shrugged. “You know, worked.”

Lelouch’s lips creased in a smile. “You’re worrying too much about the technicalities, Suzaku,” he pointed out, artfully ignoring how he’d just had the exact same problem. “It’s just you and me, like always.” He nimbly swept the back of his fingers along Suzaku's cheek. It was endearing how flustered Suzaku had become, and Lelouch relished the power he held over the other boy.

Suzaku shook his head, kindly not calling Lelouch out but still insisting, “It’s _not_ like ‘always.’ And the fact that it’s _you_ , Lelouch, _makes_ it a big deal!” Green eyes were stretched wide and frantic.

Violet eyes rolled upward. Case in point. “You’re the one _making_ it a big deal,” Lelouch pointed out. He let out an exasperated sigh, then cut his newly-established boyfriend off with a kiss. He froze, feeling something wet poke at his slightly puckered lips, and was Suzaku’s mouth open? Lelouch pulled away to stare wide-eyed at the boy below him. “What are you doing?”

Suzaku blinked up at him and countered, “Now who’s making a big deal out of things?”

Lelouch shook his head, his black hair swinging from the motion. “This is different. Was that your tongue?” He felt dizzy at the thought of Suzaku’s tongue in his mouth.

“Well,” and here Suzaku looked a little unsure of himself, “yes.” A new light entered his eyes. His jaw locked determinedly and he stared at Lelouch sprawled across his chest. “That’s part of how boyfriends kiss.”

Both teens blushed a little harder.

“It felt weird,” Lelouch admitted. He ran his fingers through his hair and glanced to the side, feeling his heart rate pick up now that he was _thinking_ about doing things with Suzaku. Even for him, it was easier in this situation to bury himself in action, to just kiss his childhood friend and not _think_ about kissing his childhood friend because it felt too surreal.

“Weird,” Suzaku agreed, “but _bad_?”

Lelouch looked at Suzaku's earnest face. “I’m not sure,” he said cautiously. “Let’s try it again, and then I’ll let you know.”

Suzaku nodded and pulled the Britannian boy down, slipping his tongue into Lelouch’s waiting cavern. One hand slid around to cup Lelouch's nape, to hold him close and position his head for easier access. Lelouch was trembling something fierce in Suzaku’s arms, and the brunet’s lips curved up in a possessive smile around both their tongues as they started to lightly massage each other.

 _It’s not **that**_ _bad_ , Lelouch concluded. _His tongue is a little rough, not what I’d have expected._ He shifted and sighed, letting himself slump over his boyfriend’s form. _I could get used to this._ He jerked as his boyfriend’s tongue twined around his, and his thoughts were reduced to— _oh!_

Suzaku sighed pleasantly beneath him and retracted his tongue, turning his head to the side to gently break their contact. His green eyes were bright and glassy as they stared up at Lelouch. “Better?” he asked softly, his voice warm and heady.

Numbly, Lelouch nodded. “It felt…nice,” he said, a little shyly and inelegantly. The entire process had lasted less than ten seconds.

Blinking, Suzaku tilted his head on the couch cushion. His eyes narrowed playfully as he promised, “I’ll do better than ‘nice’ next time.”

“Now?” Lelouch asked hopefully, then blushed at his eagerness. He didn’t want Suzaku to think him uncool or impatient. It felt odd, caring about another person’s opinion of him so deeply. He calmed as he reminded himself that this was _Suzaku_ , and his normal rules didn’t apply.

But Suzaku just laughed lightly, completely open-minded. “If you want,” he replied, just as quickly, just as keenly. Hungry excitement washed over his expression.

Lelouch nodded jerkily, feeling his stomach clench with nerves and anticipation. Taking the initiative, he rushed to press his lips to Suzaku’s. He opened his mouth immediately without being prodded—and froze. _What do I do now?_ he panicked internally. _Do I stick my tongue in his mouth first this time or wait for him to start it again? What does he want me to do? Should I slide my tongue back and forth against his or try that twining trick he used on me? If he did it, does that mean that’s what he likes and expects me to do from now on? There are so many more possibilities with open-mouth kissing. I need to be ready_. His breathing accelerated as he stiffened further, clumsily mashing his face against his new boyfriend’s. _He’s not doing anything. Am I doing something wrong? Maybe he’s waiting on me. But how can I plan my moves in advance if I don’t know what he’s thinking? Surely there’s some book or something that can tell me: What should I do?_  

After a long moment of waiting, Suzaku slowly pushed him back. “Lelouch,” he said, voice and eyes both questioning and concerned. “You’re so tense all of a sudden. What’s wrong?”

Lelouch looked guiltily to the side, feeling his cheeks heat up worse than ever. “I just…” _I don’t know how to kiss and I don’t know how to tell you._ Who knew kissing was so hard? He wished someone had warned him—preferably a long time ago so he’d be more prepared for his current situation. How could he direct a ragtag group of frankly unskilled terrorists to win skirmishes against the mightiest empire in the world but _not_ have mastered open-mouth kissing?

Suzaku watched him patiently.

Lelouch coughed self-consciously. “That is, I…” _Suzaku_ , _I **really** want to kiss you. I’ll learn and then I’ll kiss you forever once I know what to do_.

Suzaku sighed and smoothly guided his boyfriend’s face to look at him. “Lelouch,” he said fondly, “I think I know what the problem is. You’re thinking too much about your next move. This is _kissing_ , not _chess_.” With a warm chuckle, he advised, “Listen to your body. Follow your instincts.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Lelouch snapped defensively. He knew that Suzaku had done nothing but train and listen to his body for years. “You’ve always had killer instincts.”

Suzaku flinched sharply at the words, a hard look entering his eyes.

At once, Lelouch softened. “I didn’t mean—I just—”

“I get it,” Suzaku said dully.

Lelouch frowned at his tone. _He was so happy and into it a moment ago, and I ruined it. I guess I’m worse at this relationship thing than I thought I’d be._ He was really disappointing himself lately. He hadn’t been as tough as he’d wanted about killing Clovis _and_ he kept royally screwing up with Suzaku. Sighing, he leaned down, bypassed his boyfriend’s mouth, and pressed his face into the brunet’s shoulder.

Suzaku shifted his head but didn’t say anything.

Shivering a bit, Lelouch clenched his eyes shut and mumbled, “Sorry.” He must be breaking some kind of record with that word today; he’d certainly never needed it before like he seemed to with Suzaku: _I’m sorry you got yourself shot for my sake in Shinjuku. I’m sorry you got arrested and tortured in my place for murdering Clovis. I’m sorry you almost died saving me from the bell tower. I’m sorry for sending you mixed signals about my feelings. I’m sorry for ditching you on the roof last week. I’m sorry for not knowing how to kiss. I’m sorry for always saying the wrong thing. I’m sorry I don’t understand what I’m doing when it comes to you._

Suzaku leaned his head against Lelouch’s and asked, voice thick, “Why are _you_ sorry?”

Lelouch swallowed, sensing something was a bit off but going with the flow. He sighed, bracing himself to spit out, “I’m really bad at this.” It was rare Lelouch ever thought poorly about himself, which made the feeling of inferiority much more acute and powerful. His hand curled tightly around Suzaku’s shoulder, and he pressed his face harder into the one opposite. If he wasn’t so stiff and desperate, he might even find it a comfortable cuddling position. Lowly, his words running together, he offered, “I’d understand if you wanted to break up with me.”

“ _What_?” Suzaku cried shrilly, embracing him tightly. “No, _no_ , Lelouch! I love you. I’ve— _we’ve_ —been waiting too long for this.” He pressed a shy but imploring kiss into Lelouch's hair. “Please don’t…”

Starting to relax, Lelouch almost melted into his boyfriend. “I love you, too,” he said—freely for the first time, no sass attached. He responded with a quick kiss to Suzaku's shoulder underneath his cheek. “I don’t want to lose you—especially this soon—but…”

“But you’re backing out after all,” Suzaku picked out, his voice cracking. “I should’ve known. Even though you _just_ promised not to change your mind again.”

Lelouch reared up and stared down at his boyfriend desperately. “I’m not changing my mind!” he said hurriedly. Suzaku’s eyes were glistening with unshed tears; Lelouch’s heart twisted. “But this isn’t working. I can’t even kiss you right!”

Suzaku’s head snapped up, his face a mixture of incredulity and relief. “Wait, _that’s_ why you want to break up?”

“I said I don’t _want_ to!” Lelouch reiterated heatedly. “I’m just giving you an escape route if you need one. I still love you!”

“Prove it,” Suzaku hissed in challenge, grabbing Lelouch’s ears and yanking his head down for a frantic kiss.

Blood racing, Lelouch felt his brain shut down as he let himself get swept into Suzaku’s touch. He didn’t think as he opened his mouth and slipped his tongue into Suzaku’s cavern. He mindlessly tilted his head in response to the brunet’s own head movements, pressing closer. His tongue brushed Suzaku’s, hesitantly at first but growing more confident as he deliberately rubbed it back and forth against the other boy’s. Burying his fingers in soft brown hair, Lelouch roughly dragged Suzaku up just enough to change the angle between them and kiss him deeper. His tongue explored everywhere, trying to map Suzaku’s mouth—his teeth, his gums, the roof of his mouth; Lelouch was frustrated that he couldn’t literally shove his tongue down Suzaku’s throat because it wouldn’t stretch that far. He still tried his hardest. His kisses were raw, uncalculated, and bordering on animalistic as he started thrusting his tongue in and out of Suzaku's mouth, catching the other boy’s wet muscle and drawing it into his own mouth. Brazenly, he started suckling tight on Suzaku’s tongue. _I love you. I wasn’t thinking. I’m not letting you go._ For once it wasn’t so much comprehensible thought as it was pure desperation and feeling that motivated his actions.

Breath hitching, Suzaku moaned into his mouth.

Lelouch opened his eyes slightly—when had they closed?—and stared straight into foggy forest green, half-mast and disorienting in their closeness. At the same time, it wasn’t enough; it felt like nothing could _ever_ be enough as he sucked like mad on Suzaku’s tongue. His whole body was heating up. His heart was pounding and he sucked on his boyfriend in time to its rhythm. He couldn’t remember ever feeling so energized. Keeping eye contact, he slowed down and finally let Suzaku’s tongue slide wetly from between his lips.

“ _Wow_ , Lelouch,” Suzaku gasped, fiercely trying to control his breathing. He looked completely disheveled under the prince.

“I didn’t lie about my feelings,” Lelouch said simply. “Was…was all _that_ okay?” There was an uncommonly heard hesitancy lacing his tone, proving how out-of-depth he still felt concerning their evolving relationship. Would it ever get less awkward to discuss these physical intimacy topics with his (new, first, and only) boyfriend?

Suzaku nodded, cheeks rosy and eyes still glazed with pleasure. “I really liked it,” he said, his voice breathy as he clutched Lelouch by the shoulders and shivered. “More,” he demanded.

Smugly smirking, Lelouch dropped his head to press slightly creased lips to Suzaku’s again. His next kisses were almost ticklish following his hot and heavy aggressive force from before as he lightly pressed and sucked on Suzaku's lips. His fingers fervidly massaged the other boy’s scalp. Sighing, Lelouch nudged his boyfriend’s lips open under his, just enough to dip his tongue inside and tease Suzaku’s before pulling back. He playfully clamped his own lips shut as Suzaku tried to follow, denying him access so he could press hard, puckered kisses to his boyfriend's mouth instead. The pleasant, tingling warmth spreading through his body made him feel lazy and relaxed. Angling his head the other direction, he licked his way back into Suzaku’s mouth and slid his tongue slowly and sensually against his partner’s in an erotic kiss. He smiled around their tongues as Suzaku caught on and responded in kind. Letting the deep kiss linger, Lelouch kept his touch steamy and suggestive without falling prey to the lewd carnal desire that had enveloped him before.

Suzaku made soft, encouraging noises throughout Lelouch's ministrations, and he started to amorously rub the tips of Lelouch’s ears between his fingers as he held the Britannian boy’s head in place. He shifted underneath Lelouch and followed his lead, responding to every one of his wordless signals. Suzaku sighed in disappointment as Lelouch eventually pulled back, and his eyes were starry as they pierced his counterpart’s. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Suzaku said breathlessly. “You know how to kiss me perfectly.”

Lelouch blushed at the blunt praise and stammered, “W-well, I hadn’t planned…”

Lips curling up, Suzaku applauded, “See what happens when you stop thinking, live in the moment, and do what feels right?”

Blushing a little harder, Lelouch nodded _. I wanted him so badly and_ _my body took over. I kissed him senseless. I must be a natural after all_. “Point proven.”

“So was yours,” Suzaku said. He sighed again. “Lelouch, since you really love me, are you still gonna…”

Lelouch shook his head, catching on easily. “No, Suzaku,” he answered. “If you still want to be with me—”

“ _Yes_!”

“—then I guess you’re stuck with me.” With a self-satisfied smile, Lelouch leaned down—and promptly bumped noses with Suzaku, who’d apparently had the same idea and was leaning up for a kiss. They pulled back, caught each other’s eyes, and laughed at their blunder. “Let’s try that again,” Lelouch suggested, violet eyes twinkling, and slowed his approach to avoid another nasal collision. They laughed again when they both automatically tilted their heads in the same direction. “Okay, Suzaku, you go this way and I’ll just—yes, like that.” They’d learn to read each other better with practice.

Suzaku’s eyes slipped shut as soon as they made contact. He returned Lelouch's eager kisses, pressing his lips against the older boy’s with matching bruising force. He roughly drew Lelouch's bottom lip between his and sucked for a couple seconds before pulling away completely for air. During their oxygen-refueling break, green eyes burning into his, the soldier asserted raggedly, “I _really_ liked it when you sucked on my tongue, Lelouch. I want to do it to you. If that’s something you’re okay with?”

Lelouch lurched involuntarily, feeling a stab of want deep in his belly. Suzaku’s words and tone made his pulse race and his blood flow south. Violet eyes darkening, he gave his boyfriend one swift nod before pressing close again. He thought he knew what to expect, but the sensation of Suzaku suckling on his tongue was unlike anything he’d anticipated; the tight heat in his stomach twisted stronger. His brain liquefied and melted out his ears. All mental activity ceased as he let out a muffled moan, long and low and deep, drowning out the slide of a door and the whir of a wheelchair.

“Brother?”

Lelouch abruptly tore himself from Suzaku and flailed, landing on the floor. “Nunnally!” he gasped, covering his wet and swollen lips with a shaking hand.

Nunnally rolled forward. “Are you hurt? I heard you—”

“No!” Lelouch answered in a near-shout, scrambling to his feet. With a deep breath, he regained some of his composure. “No, I’m quite all right.” He glanced over to see Suzaku, still dazed on the couch, and the pleasant heat coiled tighter in his stomach at the sight of his boyfriend flushed, silently panting, and sexily mussed.

Nunnally’s hands fluttered lightly on the armrests of her wheelchair. “Then why were you—?”

Lelouch looked to the side again, watching amusedly as the situation clicked in Suzaku’s mind. Understanding was chased by embarrassment across tan Japanese features, and the Suzaku croaked, “Hi, Nunnally.”

“Oh, Suzaku’s here, too?” the handicapped princess asked, slight surprise in her voice.

Lelouch moved forward to grasp his sister’s hand. “Yes. I invited him for dinner.” Never mind that it was the middle of the afternoon and they were all obviously skipping class; Lelouch specialized in half-truths.

Clearly used to her brother’s ways, Nunnally didn’t question the unexpected company as she prepared for a routine hospital visit and waited for Sayoko to come back from shopping. She breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, good. I’ve been worried about the two of you.”

Suzaku jumped to his feet, his hands hurriedly smoothing out the wrinkles of his uniform. Nunnally might not be able to see how rumpled he and Lelouch looked, but where Nunnally was, Sayoko was sure to follow. “How come?” he asked, and Lelouch was impressed at how quickly he’d assumed control of his voice.

“You two have seemed so distant this past week,” Nunnally replied. “It’s unusual. I’m not the only one to notice, either.” Before they could ask, she explained, “Milly and the others have been concerned, too. That’s why Milly devised a plan to get you two speaking again.” She giggled. “I’m glad it worked. Whatever was the matter, anyway?”

Lelouch’s brain whirled to a stop. “Milly pulled one of her stunts to get us to make ou—up?” he repeated, catching his slip before his sister could process it.

“Yes!” Nunnally said happily. Without waiting for that idea to settle, she plunged forward. “Now, Brother, Suzaku, what in the world could have kept _you_ two apart for so long? It’s not like you at all.”

Their eyes met in consideration, coming to a mutual decision sans words. Lelouch shivered. _At least Suzaku understands. I won’t lie to Nunnally—not about **this**. I won’t be ashamed._

Suzaku coughed awkwardly into a fist and took the lead. “I was scared,” he confessed. Nunnally opened her mouth to question that, but the soldier surged on with, “I didn’t think Lelouch loved me.” Nunnally's jaw was still open, and it dropped a little lower as Suzaku added in the gentlest and most heartfelt voice he could muster, “At least not like I loved him.” He sent a meaningful look in Lelouch's direction, and the warm glow in his eyes seemed to reel Lelouch closer until they were caught in each other’s embrace.

“I don’t—you mean—you two are,” Nunnally spluttered, and then she composed herself. Her voice was still breathy, but she managed to ask, “Suzaku, you’re in love with my brother?”

Suzaku beamed, and his tone was genuinely sincere as he answered, “With all my heart.”

Nunnally’s fingers twitched again. “And Lelouch,” she prompted, “do you return Suzaku’s feelings?”

Lelouch chuckled, a bit nervously. “I do,” he answered simply.

“Then I give you my blessing,” Nunnally said. “Congratulations! You two have always been so close,” she repeated, “that somehow this doesn’t surprise me.”

Her brother took a tentative step towards her again, breaking loose of Suzaku’s loving hold. “Are you _really_ okay with this?” He wanted her to be sure. “If it makes you uncomfortable,” he added, looking to his boyfriend with an apologetic expression, “then I won’t pursue this. It’s better if it ends before it begins.” His hands clenched into fists as he amended to himself, _But really I’d date him anyway, no matter how you felt. It would just turn into one more secret I’d keep from you for your own well-being_. He swallowed heavily, still wanting his beloved sister’s approval despite his back-up plan. No matter that she didn’t know about it, the rebel-prince silently bargained, _I’m making you a peaceful world, Nunnally. You can let me have Suzaku._

Speaking of said boyfriend, Suzaku appeared sucker-punched at the declaration, but he finally nodded in resignation. For Nunnally.

“Of course I’m okay with it!” Nunnally assured firmly. “Lelouch, I know how happy you two make each other. And I’ve always thought of Suzaku as another brother anyway.” She smiled kindly. “You two _together_ feels right.”

“Like moving into checkmate,” Lelouch agreed quietly. He shook his head at Suzaku’s amused glance.

Suzaku raised his eyebrow at Lelouch's chess obsession, but he only said to Nunnally, “Thank you. I promise to uphold your trust. I’ll never hurt Lelouch or let anything happen to him, and I’ll take care of him al—” He was swiftly interrupted by his boyfriend’s lips in a bruising kiss.

“I don’t _need_ anyone to take care of me,” Lelouch reprimanded. “But if you’re offering yourself, no strings attached, then I’ll take that instead.”

Their moment was broken into by more of Nunnally’s giggles. “You two are adorable,” she said. “Suzaku, I wouldn’t be comfortable placing my brother in any hands but yours.” A mischievous look rolled across her face and she teased, “Just don’t be _too_ rough with him. We both know Lelouch can’t handle—”

“Hey!” Lelouch protested good-naturedly. Shaking the self-righteous annoyance off, he strode the rest of the way to his mirthful little sister. He bent and wrapped her in a tight hug, shifting only when Suzaku put his arms around the both of them. That Nunnally would not hate him or condemn him for this, that she was accepting and supportive of his fledgling relationship with Suzaku… “Thank you, little sister,” he mumbled into her ear, and he would always deny the wetness in his eyes.


	6. Setting Boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys lay down some expectations for their new relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented, left kudos, started following my Tumblr, etc. :D
> 
> Thanks to my lovely beta-reader, TheGeminiSage, for looking over this whale of a tale. She is love. ~~Go read her Undertale comic, Refuse. :D~~
> 
> The chess metaphor discussion scene is dedicated to Sugarby for being such a faithful reader and coming up with one of Suzaku's teasing lines. The scene as a whole turned out more serious than expected, but. Yeah.
> 
> Please enjoy the slow burn romance and let me know your thoughts. I really want to know how the relationship-building is coming across. Or if you have a favorite part or quote, please share so I know what I'm doing right. If I could improve something, let me know that, too. <3

Suzaku felt enchanted, cocooned in a blissful waking dream of wishes come true.

“Are you happy?” Lelouch whispered, brushing Suzaku’s bangs back and pressing their foreheads together as closely as they’d wedged themselves against the inside of the bedroom door. The privacy was appealing after the disruption of dinner, where they’d had to control themselves in the presence of company. It had been harder than anticipated with the heightened elation of novelty buzzing under skin.

Eyes glistening with affirmative answer, Suzaku kissed Lelouch square on the mouth. With a hint of huskiness, he emphasized against Lelouch’s lips, “Of _course_.” Pulling his new boyfriend closer, Suzaku sank into Lelouch’s embrace after too many hours spent keeping physical distance. Nunnally and Sayoko hadn’t meant to interrupt before, but they’d done a fine job of it anyway. It didn’t matter, though. Suzaku had Lelouch _now_ , and Lelouch’s touch felt like a reawakening.

Simpering into the kiss, Lelouch held Suzaku just as close. He trailed his hands down Suzaku’s back and sides, his movements growing more daring at Suzaku’s resulting shivers and choked-off moans. He pulled back after a long moment to catch his breath, a rosy tinge on his cheeks and a proud gleam in purple eyes.

Suzaku smiled at the sight and, overflowing with emotion, glanced to the side. His gaze flicked to the bed like it was a homing beacon of questions. But it wasn’t Suzaku’s place to invite himself to climb between Lelouch’s sheets, and to be honest, he wasn’t sure he wanted…

Following his eyes, Lelouch stiffened for a second before grabbing Suzaku’s hand and leading him to sit atop the bedspread; he angled his body so their knees would knock together. The smile he directed towards Suzaku grew more relaxed as the seconds ticked by.

Lelouch’s composed attitude made Suzaku more anxious instead of creating a contagious calming effect. Was Lelouch faking it or was he truly that comfortable welcoming his new boyfriend to his bed on the first night of their relationship?  He’d had a mini-freakout about not knowing how to _kiss_ , let alone… Suzaku wobbled with dizziness as his mind raced with expectations. Everything seemed to be moving so fast now that it was happening, feeling especially rushed after being stuck at standstill for a week of uncertainty. The room felt hot, and Suzaku's neck started to sweat as he sank onto the bed, looking anywhere but at Lelouch's face.

“Suzaku.” Lelouch’s voice sounded amused.

Attention snapping to his boyfriend, Suzaku startled and licked his lips, tasting Lelouch on them. “Y-yes?”

Purple eyes darkened at the appearance of Suzaku's tongue, but Lelouch leaned back and restrained himself from getting reacquainted with it. Instead, he stared Suzaku straight in the eye and pressed, “What’s wrong?”

Tilting his head, Suzaku thought through what he wanted to say. It took longer than he’d like to sort out his tangled thoughts, running together as they were. Was it only this morning when he’d last been afraid that he’d lost Lelouch forever? After a few dozen heartbeats, Suzaku said, “I am really happy to be with you, Lelouch. I’ve been wanting this for a long time.” He took both of Lelouch's hands and squeezed them, awed at the physical proof of Lelouch’s presence after everything and desperate not to let him slip through his fingers this time. Then he took another deep breath and admitted, “I’m just scared that something is going to ruin it all. I don’t want to go too fast and lose you.”

“You won’t lose me,” Lelouch reassured him, his pale face set with determination. “I’ve already made my decision. I chose you.” He followed up his words with a quick kiss.

Suzaku kissed back reflexively, amazed at how the initial awkwardness and doubts were already fading into comfortable familiarity (though apparently only to make room for new ones).  “Still,” he said when he eased back, “we should probably talk about what we want out of this.” He leaned in and hugged Lelouch, mumbling into his neck, “I just don’t want any more miscommunication like what happened before.”

“I don’t either,” Lelouch agreed. “As for what I want? Well, Suzaku, I want more than just kisses with you.”

Suzaku sucked in a deep breath as his blush rushed back full-force. “Le-Lelouch!” he croaked, eyes wide as he scooted back and stared at the older teen.  He hadn’t thought the virginal prince had it in him. Then again, hadn’t Lelouch mentioned sex in a roundabout way on the couch earlier? Suzaku’s blood heated at the memory, even as his stomach churned. Suzaku knew that Lelouch had (unknowingly) starred in a grand number of his wet dreams, but in reality Suzaku didn’t want to jump headfirst into sex. Despite Lelouch's words and their afternoon together, Suzaku still felt a twinge of fear that it was all a hoax. Twice since getting together a few hours ago, Lelouch had mentioned breaking up—once over kissing, and once over Nunnally. Any moment now, the other shoe would truly drop, and Suzaku didn’t want awkward mistake sex straining their friendship. How should he tell his boyfriend that he wasn’t ready to go all the way? Suzaku frowned and took another breath, face scrunching as he wondered how to word his intentions.

“What?” Lelouch cocked his head, eyes searching Suzaku’s. “What’s wrong? I thought you’d be happy to know that it’s not all physical for me.”

A tiny lightbulb started to glow in Suzaku's brain. “Not all physical…?” he echoed.

Lelouch nodded, looking serious and decisive. “Right. Even though I enjoy kissing you, you’re still my best friend. Little things like you being here for dinner? Those are still important to me.” He shifted nearer to Suzaku, an intense look on his face as he summed up, “I just need you in my life, Suzaku.  I don’t want our relationship to devolve into kissing and nothing else.  I need your friendship and closeness behind anything we do together.”

Suzaku’s lips twitched at Lelouch’s awkward and surprisingly sentimental directness, and he couldn’t help but laugh out his worries. Forestalling any hurt protests, he leaned in and kissed his boyfriend quiet. “I want that, too,” he concurred with another blush, squeezing Lelouch’s hands in his again. “I just thought, at first, that you were saying you wanted to…uh, well, sleep with me. You know, when you said you wanted ‘more than kisses,’ I thought you meant…” He felt a wave of embarrassment mixed with relief wash over him as he fumbled with his words.

It was Lelouch’s turn to blush bright red, and he had to close his eyes as he got himself under control. “That’s…another prime example of miscommunication,” he observed. He opened his eyes. “At least we clarified that one before it turned into another mess.”

“That could’ve been bad,” Suzaku agreed.

“All things considered, though,” Lelouch went on, swallowing thickly. “Since we’re on the topic…I’m not saying I’m ready now, but when the time comes, I know being with you will make it special.” His blush darkened despite his obvious efforts, but he kept his gaze steady on Suzaku’s.

Dazed, Suzaku felt his heart flip in his chest. “That’s…yeah,” he managed, eyes bright at the confession. It felt easier to breathe. Lelouch didn’t want to rush their relationship after all, so Suzaku wasn't letting him down. Aiming to even the playing field, he laid out, “I’m not ready yet either, but I'll never push you even if I am ready first.”

Lelouch smiled as soft as a cat’s purr meeting silk satin. “I know. I trust you.”

Suzaku swayed, light-headed, at the admission. Trust was such a huge, huge deal for Lelouch, after all. Face shining, Suzaku leaned in and kissed Lelouch again. They alternated between massaging their lips and tangling their tongues, and it was always a blast of excitement for Suzaku to discover what move Lelouch would pull next as he passionately took over the direction of their kisses. Suzaku would never get tired of this. He let Lelouch’s bottom lip slide out from between his teeth and sighed, “I love you.”

Lelouch’s expression showed he was just as enthralled with Suzaku. “I love you, too,” he said, his voice and meaning equally deep. “And since we’re hashing things out, I need you to know: I want us to be committed to each other. No one else.” He tenderly cupped Suzaku’s cheek. “I know it seems obvious, but it’s not always. I just…”

Suzaku leaned in and cut him off with another kiss, his tongue flicking Lelouch’s. “Sh, I know,” he purred when they separated. “It’s okay. That’s why we’re having this talk—to set boundaries and make promises so we know what to expect from this relationship. Like I said, I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to overstep.”

“As if you could,” Lelouch said fondly, ghosting his fingers over Suzaku’s jawline.

Suzaku bristled. “I might accidentally if you don’t tell me what you want.”

“You’ll hear about it if I don’t like something,” Lelouch promised. “As long as you see to my main needs, we can figure out anything else as it comes up.” Before Suzaku could ask, he spelled out, “I want a monogamous relationship, I want your friendship behind what we do, and I want your signed resignation from the military.”

Suzaku snorted, starting to feel more at ease. “I can give you two out of three.”

Lelouch sighed melodramatically, rolling his eyes. “I suppose if I _have_ to share you…”

Swallowing down laughter at the deliberate misinterpretation, Suzaku warned, “ _Lelouch_.”

“It was worth a shot,” Lelouch grumbled.

Suzaku raised an eyebrow. “It was,” he agreed pleasantly. “Too bad for you.”

“You’re not being a very nice boyfriend right now,” Lelouch scoffed. “You should be nice to me. I’m your boyfriend.”

The repetitive words made Suzaku's skin heat as he basked in the new label of their relationship. Normally, he didn’t like labels. ‘Lelouch’s boyfriend,’ he could get behind. He knew _his boyfriend_ was goading him, but Suzaku just couldn’t bring himself to care. “You bring up a good point. I’ll be nicer,” he teased back, letting the laughter bubble up.

Lelouch grinned with his trademark triumph, making Suzaku’s heart thump faster still. “And you?” he pressed. “What else do _you_ want so _I_ don’t overstep?”

“I want what you want,” Suzaku breathed earnestly, leaning forward with half-lidded eyes.

Lelouch’s smile widened before morphing into a devilish smirk. “Why, Suzaku,” he said with false innocence, “if you want to quit the military that badly—”

Suzaku stopped and rolled his eyes, his lips twitching. “Lelouch, give it a rest. You’ve used up your limit for tonight.”

Lelouch cocked his head and nudged Suzaku's shoulder. “So I can try again tomorrow?”

Snorting, Suzaku shut him up with a kiss. He was growing more comfortable initiating things—he still felt excited that _Lelouch wanted him to!_ —though he admitted to himself that it caused a special sort of thrill when the withdrawn prince instigated intimacy. _And_ when he took control.

As if reading his mind, Lelouch started to fall sideways, gently guiding Suzaku to lie with him on the bed and taking care to never let their kiss break. He grasped Suzaku's hair above his nape, holding him in place as their connection escalated. Suzaku retaliated by stroking Lelouch's cheek before cupping it in the palm of his hand. Soft moans and heavy breathing cracked their kiss into segments, but the action progressed even when their lips were parted. Their hands began to wander within unspoken safe limits—in hair, on faces, on backs and shoulders and arms—making them mussy and disarrayed as careworn treasure. Warmth infused every gesture, compelling the forward momentum of their make-out adventure into fresh realms of experiences. Each kiss, each touch, was a step deeper on their journey, and now there was no turning back. At the very least, for good or for ill, they'd always have this between them. Right now, everything felt divine. Their heads never stopped moving, drawing back and pressing forward, tilting for new angles and positions, sliding and bumping against each other as they practiced responding to each other’s body signals. Their skills increased, leveled off, increased again, dipped, swelled, rose, dropped, leveled, surged... They caught each other’s gaze between lip locks with heated and hazy eyes, blending intimacy with sensuality inside their interwoven dreamworld materialized. The bed was heaven-soft beneath them, providing comfortable stability for their explorations. Nothing else existed outside their loving experimentation.

“Since we’re talking about boundaries, I’m fine with kissing,” Lelouch volunteered after a particularly arousing spell of caresses. Despite his initial wariness towards Frenching, he sought it out now like he was starving for it.

Suzaku chuckled knowingly. “I can tell.” He swept his fingers down the curve of Lelouch’s jawline, delighting in the prince’s full-body shudder and smoky expression. “I love kissing you, too.” 

Lelouch pressed forward again, swallowing Suzaku’s moans before trailing feather-light kisses across Suzaku’s cheek, behind his ear, down his neck…at least as far as he could go before the high uniform collar blocked his path. After a moment of indecision, he started kissing back up the way he came, pausing by Suzaku’s ear to whisper, “Are you okay with this?”

Suzaku jerked his head in a slight nod and pressed Lelouch’s mouth to his neck again. “Uh huh,” he groaned. “Feels good. More.”

With a light laugh, Lelouch pulled back and jested, “Have I reduced you to this state already?”

Suzaku blinked at him, green eyes glazed and lined with temptation. “Why are you surprised?” he asked. “Lelouch, you’re a dream come true.”

Of course Suzaku had tricked Lelouch into intensely kissing him as a means to block any more embarrassing proclamations. After all, Suzaku figured there was no other way for Lelouch to respond; the strategist always went for the most effective method.

-+-

Lelouch woke up at dawn with an armful of sleeping Suzaku.  His heart soared as memories trickled through his brain, connecting yesterday to his current exhilaration. Even in the dim light, Suzaku looked amazingly at peace. With a grin and a deep breath, Lelouch untangled his legs from his boyfriend’s and dropped a light kiss on Suzaku's forehead, causing a smile to flutter across Suzaku’s face along with a sigh of Lelouch’s name in his sleep. Taking another moment to simply watch Suzaku in the dawn, Lelouch finally made himself scoot off the bed and collect a fresh uniform from his closet. He crept on tiptoe so as to not wake the other boy, often pausing in his routine to glance over and make sure that Suzaku was still there and still comfortable.

With Suzaku deep in dreamland, Lelouch left to take a shower. It felt refreshing to peel off his wrinkled, slept-in clothes, but he wouldn’t trade last night with Suzaku for anything. They’d stayed up late reconnecting, talking and kissing and laughing, and neither had suggested that Suzaku should probably return to his military-issued dorm. Instead, they’d fallen asleep together, still dressed in their school uniforms as they lay wrapped around each other like leeches. It hadn’t been too uncomfortable, all things considered. In fact, on the contrary, being tangled with Suzaku was…

 _I got a wonderful night’s sleep with Suzaku in my bed,_ noted Lelouch as he scrubbed shampoo in his hair. _Thank god C.C. left after all or I’d have never gotten the chance to hold him._

Like the splash of cold water on his face, Lelouch remembered the Black Knights.  He still had duties to them, and he couldn’t afford to let Suzaku distract him so thoroughly. As he cleaned his armpit, he tried to decide which corrupt official to take out next in keeping with his publicly proclaimed goal of challenging oppressors. Ideas ricocheted around his mind even as he hustled back to his room, newly cleaned and dressed, but all thoughts of his rebellion ceased the moment he saw Suzaku sitting in his bed and looking blearily around.

“Good morning,” Lelouch greeted with a cordial smile, forgetting all about the Black Knights despite his best intentions. _Seeing Suzaku is such a pleasant surprise_.

Suzaku blinked and wiped a spot of drool from the corner of his mouth. He looked down, embarrassed. “G’morning,” he mumbled.

Rolling his eyes, Lelouch strode forward and sat on the bed. He leaned in to give Suzaku a peck on the lips.

At once, Suzaku reeled back, suddenly wide awake. “Ew, Lelouch!” he complained. “Morning breath!”

“…I just brushed my teeth.”

“I meant me,” Suzaku explained, rubbing the back of his head and looking down with a small, sheepish smile.

“I still love you, Suzaku,” Lelouch said fondly.

Suzaku’s breath hitched at the early morning confession. He ducked his head, trying to hide a blush. His eyes flicked up to Lelouch’s after a few seconds. “I love you, too, Lelouch.”

Thrilled, Lelouch's smile broadened at the declaration. _This is the way to start a day_ , he decided. For all the problems they’d had getting to this point, now he could relish the experience. Grasping Suzaku’s hand, he offered, “I can get you some towels if you want. While you shower, I can make breakfast.” As much as he’d have liked to hide away with his new boyfriend, life went on and it was best that they return to reality together. He paused to think things over. “I don’t have any spare uniforms in your size, though…”

It took a few moments for the information to settle in Suzaku's sleep-addled brain. When it did, he sat ramrod straight, green eyes wide and frenzied. “Lelouch!” he groaned. “School! We skipped all our afternoon classes yesterday!”

“I didn’t hear you complaining once I got you on the couch,” Lelouch remembered dryly.

Suzaku blushed again and playfully smacked his boyfriend’s shoulder; Lelouch pretended to be hurt, but the smile in his eyes gave him away. “I’m serious, though!” Suzaku insisted. “We cut class. We’re going to be in so much trouble.”

Lelouch smoothed a hand over Suzaku’s hair, trying to comfort him. “Relax, Suzaku. You worry too much. We both miss class all the time. It’s not suspicious _._ ” _Besides, this isn’t the first time I got you to skip class._ “You didn’t get in trouble last time, remember?” His blood heated as he remembered that perverted nobleman trying to solicit _his_ Suzaku—not that the Japanese male had been his _officially_ at the time, but Suzaku had been destined for him all along—and Lelouch licked his lips as he remembered how beautiful Suzaku’s skin had proven to be last night.

The Honorary Britannian soldier groaned, “Yeah, but if the military discovers that…”

“They’ll kick you out?” the exiled prince asked hopefully, taking advantage of the new day's blank slate.

“Lelouch!”

“What?” Lelouch asked with an indignant sniff. “Is it so wrong of me to want my beloved boyfriend safe?”

That gave Suzaku pause. He looked deep into Lelouch's eyes, but apparently found only concern. “I know you don’t understand,”  Suzaku said, running his hand down Lelouch’s arm. He shifted a bit on the sheets. “Actually, I should probably go home and get ready for school.” He glanced at the early morning light creeping through the window, assessing the time. “If I leave now, I should be able to just make it.” He started to roll out of bed, then went still at Lelouch’s frown. “Is something wrong?”

Lelouch shook his head, damp black hair swaying. “Not…really,” he answered, looking back and forth between Suzaku and the door. His gaze caught on Suzaku’s anxious one before he deflated. “It’s just,” he said through clenched teeth, “I’m a bit bothered that you call the military ‘home.’” Long, pale fingers started plucking at the bedspread. “Your home is where you belong: here.”

Eyes softening, Suzaku reached over and hugged him close. “You’re right,” he murmured in Lelouch's ear. “My _real_ home is with you.”

Lelouch returned the hug without thinking. “Then don’t leave,” he ordered petulantly. “You could stay here…with me.”

Suzaku just tightened his hold and laughed, sounding a bit breathless. “My military dorm is in the university right across the street from Ashford. It’s…convenient.” He nuzzled Lelouch's neck, breathing in his fresh, clean scent. “I have to go get ready, but I’ll be back with you before you know it,” he assured Lelouch with a staunch set of his shoulders. “You’ll see more than enough of me, I promise.”

Surprised at Suzaku’s living details, Lelouch only responded with a simple, “Good.” _He’s been so close, and I just never realized._ Nodding, he slowly relinquished his hold. “Will you have lunch with me on the roof?” he asked, wanting to make sure they had something lined up. “Alone,” he clarified needlessly. The roof was _their_ place.

Following suit, Suzaku nodded with a happy gleam in his eye. “Of course, Lelouch. I’ll be all yours then.”

Lelouch busied himself with ironing his wrinkled uniform as a distraction from Suzaku’s unsolicited departure. He would hold his boyfriend to his promise.

-+-

“It took me awhile to ditch Rivalz,” Suzaku apologized by way of explanation as he approached Lelouch.  The sunshine was warm and inviting and, with Lelouch waiting for him wearing such an alluring smile, it was hard to remember why he’d had such mixed feelings about the roof lately. It started to come back to him when he looked closer and noticed Lelouch scurrying to stash away his phone—but at least this time he was stowing it in his backpack instead of in his front pocket.

Lelouch only donned a smirk and swept Suzaku into a demanding kiss, wasting no time in running his tongue along Suzaku’s lips like an addict getting his fix. Suzaku opened his mouth right away with a low groan, forgetting all about Lelouch’s cell, and fought to keep up with his boyfriend's zealous enthusiasm.  After a few good minutes of tongue-twisting, Lelouch separated from him and sat down, leaning against the roof wall and calmly offering Suzaku a container of homemade rice—as if he hadn’t just kissed the living daylights out of Suzaku.

Breathing heavily—more from heightened emotion than exertion— Suzaku slid down the wall next to him and accepted the food. “Whoa,” he gasped. “Miss me much?”

Lelouch hummed. “You have no idea.”

Suzaku tilted his head. “I think I do.” _I’ve only been waiting for you forever_.

Lelouch laughed, rich and deep. “Well, then, I retract my words.” He moved closer and offered Suzaku a spoonful of rice, glaring at the Britannian utensil—probably for _being_ a Britannian utensil instead of Japanese chopsticks. “I thought it was torture to see you across the room and not be able to touch you,” he confessed, slouching against the wall.

“It was almost impossible for me, too,” Suzaku shared, his eyes and nose crinkling with mirth that _this_ was their current reality. “I didn’t want to make a scene by kissing you in front of everyone, though, so I controlled myself.” He raised an eyebrow, still trying to control his breathing. He was growing more used to Lelouch’s rather mushy behavior towards him now that they were boyfriends, remembering Lelouch's admission from yesterday that he wanted to try being a bit more emotional and demonstrative in his affections. Suzaku was a safety net that Lelouch could practice such foreign interactions with, and the brunet was delighted at every implication of that. However, he had to ask, “Are you seriously trying to feed me?”

Nodding, Lelouch pushed closer. Overbearing nurturing behavior had become one of his prime methods of demonstrating affection due to all his years taking care of Nunnally; Suzaku understood, even if it wasn't his preferred style. Noticing Suzaku freeze up, Lelouch paused and asked, “You don’t like it?”

Suzaku thought about it. “It’s a little romantic,” he conceded, “but I like being independent.” He searched Lelouch's face. “You, of all people, should get that.”

Again, Lelouch nodded. He put the spoon down and handed everything over to Suzaku. “I do,” he said. Something buzzed and vibrated in his school bag, but he reached for his own lunch instead.

“Wait,” Suzaku panicked, shrinking back. A gritty pebble dug into sensitive skin. “Are you upset?”

“Of course not,” Lelouch assured him with a smile. “It’s important that we can tell each other when we’re uncomfortable with things.”

Suzaku heaved a sigh of relief. “You’re right,” he agreed, picking out the pebble with his fingernail. It left a slight indent in his palm before things smoothed over into normalcy, looking fine but stinging a bit longer under the surface. “I just don’t want to disappoint you.”

Lelouch took a bite of food and stared contemplatively at his boyfriend as he chewed and swallowed. “Suzaku,” he asserted, “the only way you’d disappoint me is if you went along with something you didn’t like just to avoid potentially hurting my feelings.”

“Oh,” Suzaku said in a small voice, sensing how close he’d come to doing just that. It was habit.

Lelouch squeezed his shoulder in comfort. “It’s okay,” he said, his meld of words and touch soothing the sting better than antiseptic cream and a band-aid. “We’re both still learning what it’s like to be together, and to be honest…” He shifted closer, his violet eyes as radiant as the sun shining almost directly overhead. “To be honest, I think we’re doing a great job now that we’re back on track.”

Suzaku blinked before smiling wide. It was true. Now that they’d crossed their humongous setback, they’d taken leaps and bounds with their relationship.  Their strong, lasting friendship was providing a firm foundation for their future. They were already comfortable with each other, and their communication was improving now that they’d learned it was a problem. Of course there was still a long way to go, but they were handling themselves pretty decently—especially considering that they’d been officially dating for less than twenty-four hours.

“Suzaku,” Lelouch said, pulling him from his thoughts. With green eyes fixed on his, Lelouch wondered, “So far we’ve lucked out, but what were you thinking about telling the others?”

Wolfing down his rice, Suzaku squirmed. “I hadn’t—really—thought about the others,” he admitted. The clouds sailed so far from the sun. Letting the expanse of open blue sky calm his inner wiggles, Suzaku said, “Lately, the only one on my mind has been _you_.” He shot an easy smile at his boyfriend. _I really have obsessed over you lately_.

Light pink crept over Lelouch’s cheeks, but he coughed self-consciously and mumbled, “Cute, Suzaku.” He grasped the brunet's hands and prompted, “We need to decide where to go from here. I haven’t told anyone about us other than Nunnally.”

“Me neither,” Suzaku was quick to put in.

“Mhm,” Lelouch acknowledged, eyeing the distant clouds with a furrowed brow. “I think I’d like to keep it that way, at least for now.”

Suzaku nodded. “If you think it’s best, I’m fine with that. I know you’re an extremely private person, Lelouch, and I respect—”

“Right, but what about what _you_ want?” Lelouch interrupted, turning back and tightening his hold. “This relationship goes both ways, Suzaku.”

At the sentiment, Suzaku felt a rush of warmth and dizziness that had nothing to do with sunstroke. _Lelouch really is the perfect boyfriend_. Leaning his head back against the wall, Suzaku took some time to think. The wind curled the wisps of cloud into different formations, making the skyscape look different at first glance even though nothing had really changed. “I love you,” Suzaku reiterated, squeezing Lelouch's hands in turn. “I want everyone to know, but I’m happy just being with you. And, like I told you last night, I’ve been waiting for you for a long time.” Eyelids dropped to half-mast as he relaxed beside Lelouch, drinking in his presence. “At the moment, I can just savor this privately.”

Purple eyes softened like cooked rice. “Yeah. Thanks, Suzaku.” Lelouch suddenly snickered. “Hey, could you imagine the chaos if Milly and the others got word of this and stuck their noses in our relationship?” He swung his head from side to side. "I don't want to deal with that, especially not this soon.”

Suzaku scoffed lightly, “Oh, come on. Madame President isn’t _that_ bad. What’s the worst that could happen?”

Lelouch’s face pinched. “Abject. Humiliation,” he predicted, stone-serious.

Suzaku laughed harder, but more so at Lelouch's infamous dramatics. “You know her best,” he managed with a shrug, still chortling a bit. His giggles died down as a wave of guilt crested over him. “In any case,” he said, throat tightening, “I _would_ feel really bad if Shirley found out about us.”

Tilting his head, Lelouch prompted, “Because of her crush?”

“She’s in love with you!” Suzaku corrected. He withdrew his hands from Lelouch’s and started mindlessly playing with the remains of his food. 

Sighing, Lelouch nabbed the rice away, making Suzaku look at him without distraction. “She’s not in love with me,” Lelouch refuted. He tucked the rice behind him, in the shadow of the wall. The spoon clinked against the bowl as he let his point settle in the air. “She doesn’t know me.” He stared hard at Suzaku, unblinking with intensity. “The real me,” he amended, leaning in and letting his eyes do the talking.

Suzaku rolled his shoulders. “That’s not her fault,” he said, trying not to get distracted by captivating pools of purple. “I bet she’d love the real you, too.”

“Okay, even so,” Lelouch replied, a note of frustration in his tone, “ _I’m_ in love with _you_.” He shook his head, veering back. “Even if you never came along, my feelings for her still wouldn’t be the same as hers for me. Besides, Shirley is a nice girl. She might be hurt at first, but she’ll be happy for us.” He recaptured Suzaku’s hands. Held on tight. “Look, I don’t want to tell anyone anyway, but what I _really_ don’t want is for you to agree to this out of misplaced guilt. Suzaku, it’s not like you’re stealing me from her.”

Suzaku swallowed down a host of arguments, settling on a glum, “It feels like I am." His thumbs traced circles on the backs of Lelouch’s hands. “Apparently, I’m selfish enough to start something with you anyway.”

Eyebrows drawing together over a deep frown, Lelouch argued, “It’s not selfish." He pressed closer into Suzaku's gentle touch. “I want you, and you want me. No one else matters.” He hesitated before clarifying, “Even Nunnally. Despite what I said yesterday, I don’t think I could give you up—even for her.” Purple eyes tightened with determination. There was something shadowy and heavy layering his words as he enunciated, “I just need you to see that _no one_ else can ever come between us.”

“Yeah,” Suzaku agreed softly, awestruck by the weighty confession. _He’d choose me over Nunnally?_  Sliding nearer, he mulled over Lelouch’s stance and Nunnally's acceptance. He was so relieved that their relationship hadn’t caused any drastic family problems. There would be no angry paper cranes bearing him away on Nunnally's command after all, and it was a refreshing reminder that sometimes nightmares were just manifested fears. With a warm smile at his boyfriend, Suzaku admitted, “I know you’re right. It’s just…hard.” _I don’t deserve you. You’re too good for me._

Lelouch kissed him.

Suzaku sighed, all thoughts of Shirley, Nunnally, and self-doubt suddenly forgotten. He could _definitely_ get used to this.

A tender expression snuck onto Lelouch's face after they’d disentangled themselves (again) and managed to focus on eating their lunch instead of eating each other. The rice was almost gone before Lelouch spoke up again. “I suppose going public would make people look closer at us,” he said, watching the clouds drift across the horizon. “I don’t want them digging too deep and discovering that I’m a lost prince of Britannia.”

“We have to guard your secret,” Suzaku said with a firm nod. It was why he hadn’t wanted to be friends openly in the first place.

“Dating is kind of a bigger deal than just friendship, and our past is a big part of our relationship,” Lelouch added, giving Suzaku's hand a squeeze. “You know people would look into it.” He shivered under the hot sun. “And you know,” he mused after a few moments spent in companionable silence, “I like the thought of this thing between us becoming _our_ new secret.”

Suzaku felt a thrill race down his spine.

“Besides, it’s safer this way,” Lelouch went on in a matter-of-fact tone, finishing up his lunch with one hand so he wouldn't need to release Suzaku's. “Most people just wouldn’t understand what we feel for each other. I don’t really care about what other people might think of us, but even so…” He hesitated, shooting a worried look at his Japanese boyfriend. “I don’t want to attract trouble. You have a hard enough time here as it is.”

Again, Suzaku’s heart beat like a hummingbird. _He’s always looking out for me. Oh, Lelouch._ “I—I’ll be fine,” he managed around the sudden lump in his throat.

“Still, I don’t want to take chances at the moment,” Lelouch said with the firm conviction of a commander. “Just in case something goes wrong. I don’t want you getting hurt.” He put away his lunch materials, leaving the roof spotless. “You know how people get about things like this. I’m just trying to be practical.”

Suzaku nodded. “Yeah. I see that.” He suddenly sniggered again. “Hey, can you imagine what Synclair Worth would have to say about us?”

Lelouch rolled his eyes skyward in exasperation. “That simple-minded bigot? I try not to concern myself with him and his friends as much as possible.” He waved a hand flippantly, as if dismissing the bullies’ opinions altogether. “Synclair Worth, Anthony Bristol, and Cameron Remington are the scum of society.”

Suzaku laughed harder, trying to picture his tormentors’ faces. “They’d be so disgusted.”

“Who gives a shit?” Lelouch bit out with a toss of his head. Lifting an eyebrow at Suzaku’s gaping expression, Lelouch pressed, “What? You’ve heard me curse before.”

( _I'm an Honorary Britannian, an **Eleven.**_

_Do you think so little of me—you think I give a **shit** about that?)_

“Nothing,” Suzaku hurried to say. “It’s just that you’re normally so…proper.”

Lelouch’s eyes darkened. “I’ll show you ‘proper.’”

Suzaku snorted and mimicked, “Cute, Lelouch.” Happiness bubbled in his chest as Lelouch burrowed into his arms, sandwiched tighter than ever against him, and melted his brain as he demonstrated ‘propriety’ with a newly-skilled tongue. Suzaku moaned louder as he registered Lelouch’s leg shoot out and kick his backpack, complete with phone, a little ways away. Maybe he was reading too much into it, but Suzaku felt a rush of victory nonetheless.

 “Someday,” Lelouch said in a low tone after pulling back and maintaining steady eye contact, “someday, I want everyone to know you’re mine.” He tapped Suzaku's lips. “And that I’m yours.” He removed his finger and leaned forward then, barely pressing their mouths together as he finished, “Someday we can be together openly. In a safer world.” He kissed Suzaku hard and pulled back. His purple eyes held a harsh, dogged glint in them that Suzaku could relate to but didn’t fully understand.

Instead, Suzaku only nodded in yearning. “I can’t wait for that day,” he murmured. “I don’t like lying, but it won’t be forever. At least we’ll be together in the meantime.”

A kind of hunger lit Lelouch's face, somehow enhancing his attractiveness. “We’ll make the most of it,” he asserted. He reached to tug open his boyfriend’s jacket, stopping to wordlessly check with Suzaku about whether this was acceptable. Suzaku froze initially, but nodded his permission within seconds. Lelouch’s breathing increased as he popped open the first couple buttons of Suzaku’s white under-layer shirt, giving him the flexibility to move that damnable collar out of his way.

Suzaku gasped and clutched at Lelouch, moaning once Lelouch latched on to his now-bared neck, kissing and sucking with fervor. His body trembled in the older teen's hold, and his focus wavered as he lost himself in the sensations. “Ngh, Lelouch!” His moans tapered off into the empty air, getting lost in the wide sky and swept away with the clouds.

“Suzaku,” Lelouch grunted into his neck, hands grasping at brown hair like a lifeline. With a final lick, he surged up to claim his boyfriend’s mouth in another messy kiss.

They were just really getting into it (again) when the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. With a groan of disappointment, Suzaku gently pushed Lelouch off. The spoiled prince protested against class—“I want you and only you and nothing else”—before catching sight of his handiwork, a pleased smirk stealing across his face.

“Wha—what is it?” Suzaku asked breathlessly, scrambling to refasten his clothes.

“Nothing,” Lelouch responded with more false innocence. He helped Suzaku smooth out some wrinkles, his movements infused with superiority.

Suzaku just indulgently shook his head, pressing his fingers to the spot where Lelouch’s mouth had been so busy. _Are we moving too fast?_ he wondered with a slight chill of fear. _But I’m his and I want it this way. We’re both happy with this. That’s enough._

He stood and offered a hand to his boyfriend. “Shall we, then, Lelouch?”

-+-

They exchanged secret smiles when Milly chewed them both out for missing the Council meeting that lunch period.

-+-

Not even Synclair Worth, Anthony Bristol, and Cameron Remington could push Suzaku off cloud nine.

-+-

The first post-it note was a pleasant little surprise. Lelouch trudged into his room after a long day, complaining to himself about how Suzaku had been called away by the military during afternoon classes. The soldier had shot him an apologetic look on his way out the door, and Lelouch had slumped in his seat; he was already crabby from lack of sleep, and now there would be no boyfriend kisses until Suzaku returned. Lelouch found it a bit odd and even disconcerting how quickly he’d become dependent on Suzaku’s lips. He was halfway lost in a recent memory of them when he spied the innocent post-it note standing out on his pillow. Raising his eyebrow, Lelouch took a step closer and read the note with a sense of diminishing caution: _I love you. I’m sorry you’re having a bad day._

There was no signature, but Lelouch would know that scrawled handwriting anywhere. His face softened at the sentiment. Suzaku must have dropped by before heading off to base in order to leave this note to brighten his day. His boyfriend really was a thoughtful romantic, and Lelouch found his heart warmed by the small gesture of affection.

With a fond shake of his head, Lelouch turned and noticed another post-it on his desk. Starting to smile, he walked over and read: _I’ll make you happy as soon as possible_. His smile widened and he spotted yet another post-it on his chessboard. That one read: _I’m going to daydream of your lips every second I’m gone._ Feeling his cheeks heat at that one, Lelouch saw one more post-it note on his bedroom couch that read: _You’re amazing in every way, Lelouch. I miss you already. _

“You’re going a little overboard, Suzaku,” Lelouch grumbled, though a portion of pleasure sliced through the annoyance. It was nice that his boyfriend paid such close attention to him and went out of his way to make him happy. His bad day was already better thanks to Suzaku’s little notes, though he still desperately missed the man behind the words. He sighed with longing and gathered all the notes together for safekeeping. “I miss _you_ , Suzaku,” he admitted to the empty room.

Lelouch couldn’t wait to show his appreciation with more boyfriend kisses.

-+-

“You know, Lelouch, I love it when you kiss me all wet and wild, but it kinda kills the mood if I start choking on your saliva,” Suzaku teased. He shifted on the couch, causing the older boy’s body on top of his to move, too.

Lelouch pulled back and blushed, self-consciously wiping his dripping mouth with his sleeve. “I was thinking that, too,” he acknowledged. He sat up fully, straddling Suzaku's stomach, his knees digging into the couch cushions on either side of the soldier’s prone body. “It’s a little disgusting when it runs _everywhere_.”

Suzaku nodded, adding, “I don’t need a river of spit sliding down my throat.” His expression was open and spirited, green eyes glinting with friskiness.

“ _Okay_ , Suzaku, you made your point. I’ll kiss better,” Lelouch promised, a little grumpily. He crossed his arms over his chest and licked his lips. “The things I put up with from you…”

Suzaku smirked up at his boyfriend. “Do you drool over every cute Japanese boy you see, Lelouch?”

Purple eyes blinked rapidly, and Lelouch lifted his nose in the air with a sniff. “Apparently only the stupidly annoying ones,” he retorted flatly.

“Oh, then there must be only a small _pool_ of people who fit your _tastes_ ,” Suzaku figured mischievously, ignoring the slight.

Lelouch raised an eyebrow and implored evenly, “Suzaku, please leave the wit to me.”

Jutting his chin out, Suzaku pushed on for all it was worth: “I didn’t know Britannian princes _slobbered_ all over their significant others. Did they teach you that _drivel_ in royal etiquette class?”

“My god, Suzaku!”

-+-

“Whatever _you_ want to do, Lelouch,” Suzaku answered in response to his boyfriend’s question about what to get up to that night.

It was the one answer Lelouch didn’t want to hear. “In this relationship, I consider us equals,” the prince said, leveling his palms on the same plane of air. All thoughts of kisses, cuddles, movies, dinner, and chess games faded from his mind as he sought to drive home this important point of balance between them. “It’s not a dynamic of kings and pawns.”

“Lelouch, seriously, drop the chess metaphors,” Suzaku suggested around a strained little laugh, looking uncomfortable. “Trust me, even you can’t make them as cool as you think.”

Lelouch raised a challenging eyebrow and shot back, “I’m plenty cool without the chess metaphors, thank you very much.”

Suzaku chuckled his agreement, a soft light shining in green eyes. “That’s true,” he relented. “So you can stop bringing them up. We don’t need to constantly describe our romance in terms of chess, you know.”

“It’s just how my mind works,” the strategist prince defended himself.

“I know,” Suzaku said, rushing to reassure him with palms up. “It’s not that I don’t respect your favorite hobby, but enough is enough. Besides, you _did_ tell me to speak up when I didn’t like something between us.”

Heart-stung, Lelouch asked, “And what exactly makes you uncomfortable about chess?”

Suzaku hurriedly shook his head and clarified, “Not chess itself, Lelouch.” Raking his fingers through his hair, he looked at the ground and said, “I mean, chess as an ordinary game is one thing, but constantly likening our new relationship to chess moves makes me feel that the whole thing is a bit staged and calculated…” Struggling to get control of his tremulous voice, he went on, “Or maybe, our feelings really are a game to you, and you’re just pulling my puppet strings like you play your chess opponents.”

Horrified because this fear of his intentions displayed a lack of stable belief in _them_ , Lelouch narrowed his eyes to slits and protested, “Nothing about us is contrived!” He immediately squashed the instinctive guilt about hiding Zero and tried to persuade his boyfriend’s usual optimism. “We have something real and special between us,” he added, thinking of the genuine mesh of messy emotions that grounded him but still made him feel like he was flying. Watching Suzaku's still-wary expression, Lelouch thought back. The soldier had roundabout complained about being likened to a chess piece on the day they’d gotten together, but he’d also then given permission for chess metaphors in heated moments, claiming that it was “sweet” of Lelouch to romance him in his element…

With a weak smile, Suzaku said, “Yeah. The sentiment behind this chess metaphor was still sweet, though. I think of us as equals, too.”

 _No, you don’t_ , Lelouch wanted to argue. _You clearly consider me higher, worth more, and that’s not right_. _We should be on the same level._ Lelouch's supreme authority urge was satisfied by the Black Knights, never Suzaku; that was exactly what he’d been trying to convey with his latest chess metaphor, which apparently had only perpetuated the problem. If romantic chess talk was an issue for his partner, it had to go. Tampering down his annoyance, the strategist sighed and offered, “No more chess metaphors, then, Suzaku. I’ll show you that our feelings aren’t some game to me. However I can.”

-+-

By day ten of their blooming relationship, Suzaku started to relax and believe that Lelouch meant to stay.

-+-

“Honestly, this is just for us,” Lelouch said with a small smile. He twirled the camera expertly in his hands, checking his bedroom wallpaper for use as a decent backdrop. “I just want to document our relationship. Someday, we won’t have to be secret. In the meantime, we’re going to want to look back.” It was high time they captured snippets of their everlasting romance.

Suzaku stepped forward with a lowgrade smirk. “And you know once they find out that Milly and the others will want to see proof of our early days.”

Lelouch shuddered and insisted warily, “…As I said, this is just for us.” Beckoning his boyfriend all the way to his side, he leaned into Suzaku, stretched out his arm, and snapped a picture. Eyeing the outcome, he criticized, “No, no. We need to do more outrageous poses.”

Raising an eyebrow, Suzaku suggested, “Or we could just be natural.”

“We could,” Lelouch agreed lightly, “but where’s the pizzazz? I want to capture our fireworks.”

Suzaku relaxed his mildly protesting stance, his eyes softening with fervent affection. “Lelouch,” he said, “we make fireworks together no matter what. They’ll come across.” He wrapped his arms snugly around Lelouch's middle, embracing him close.

Slipping one arm up around his boyfriend’s neck, Lelouch pressed his temple against Suzaku’s and looked slightly towards the camera lens.

They ended up taking several photographs, both crazy poses and ordinary caught-in-the-moments. Lelouch’s favorite was, hands-down, that second snapshot where they were hugging tight, foreheads pressed intimately together…and the depth of love in Suzaku’s green eyes shining clear for the camera to capture.

-+-

Suzaku insisted on playing twelve games of chess with Lelouch the following evening. Each match was over embarrassingly fast, but the point wasn’t to win. It was to prove where chess had its place in their relationship—as a pastime that made Lelouch happy, and by extension, Suzaku.

-+-

Feeling like he was about to drop dead, Suzaku finally escaped the classroom prison. It was exhausting trying to keep up with both school and the military, even with his friends’ help. After missing a couple days, he’d gotten the make-up work and, because of his absences, spent most of his current math lesson completely lost because he was missing some crucial middle steps taught while he was gone. He had little, if anything, to build on. The thought of trying to wade through messy numbers and formulas for homework made him want to literally crawl underground—like when he was a child escaping to his secret base on the Kururugi Shrine.

Collapsing into his seat at the Student Council table, he blinked wearily when a familiar pale hand slid some finished math homework pages in front of him. “What?” he asked around a yawn, sliding down in his chair. Things just weren’t clicking.

Lelouch chuckled. “I made an extra set of completed homework so you could copy the answers,” he explained, throwing back his shoulders with pleased pride. “I turned in one page to the teacher for credit, but I saved this for you.” As Suzaku raised his heavy head with astonishment at his boyfriend's intelligence and craftiness, Lelouch forestalled any arguing with, “I know how drained you are, Suzaku. You need this. I also know you’re morally obligated to refuse, but hear me out.” He held up his palm, violet eyes crinkling, and promised, “I will legitimately teach you how to do this yourself later, when you’re up to it. For now, take the answers so you can turn them in and stop worrying about them.”

Conscience eased, Suzaku nodded his acceptance, relief flowing through his body like a stream in a drought. Nobody else could ever have convinced him to cheat. “Thank you, Lelouch,” he mumbled, wanting to express his appreciation with a kiss, a cheek cup, an arm caress, anything—but Rivalz and Nina were settling in at the other end of the room and he had to stay his hand. He would make it up to Lelouch later.

For now, he would duplicate some math answers provided by someone irreplaceable.

-+-

“Dammit, Suzaku, cut it out!” Lelouch screeched, wriggling in his bonds.

A roguish light gleamed in green eyes. “Sorry, Lelouch, but it’s the president’s orders.”

“Yeah, like you’re not enjoying this at all?!”

Suzaku hummed noncommittally, sending a playful wink in his secret boyfriend’s direction as Kallen walked in and stole the spotlight.

 _Idiot_ , Lelouch bemoaned, trying to fight the heat in his cheeks. His embarrassment was already at sky-high levels due to being forcibly tied to a chair and partially undressed in preparation for a cat cosplay event, of all things.  Milly had shoved a pair of fake cat ears on his head as Rivalz held his head still, and Shirley was attempting to give him purple whiskers with inane amounts of make-up. Suzaku, though, _Suzaku_ was the one who’d hogtied him down and ripped open his clothes—leaving him vulnerable to the others’ brands of torture.

At least all the others on the Student Council were more focused on Arthur’s belated welcoming party (the guest of honor was licking his privates as he gave himself a thorough bath on the cat tree) as well as on the Black Knights’ recent debut to pay attention to how enthusiastic Suzaku had been in his role.

Lelouch breathed a silent sigh of relief for small blessings.

His attention piqued when Suzaku grew overwhelmed and touched to the point of tears that everyone on the Council was alive and well from the hotel jacking, even though this reaction was a little late in coming. Rivalz stepped up to be a good friend, and Lelouch felt his heart melt just a tad from the sight. Hadn’t it only been a few weeks ago that Suzaku had refused to go to the movies with the Council members because he hadn’t felt comfortable enough with them?

Violet eyes softened at the scene.  How could he stay mad at Suzaku after this?

Lelouch smiled warmly, raking his eyes down his boyfriend’s blue cat costume. _He looks ridiculous_. He rolled his eyes. _Simply ridiculous_. He strained to see past the fuzzy fabric, trying to glimpse one of the hickeys he’d left on that tanned neck. He shuddered in remembrance, feeling something tighten deep in his belly. A part of him wanted Suzaku to just climb into his lap as he was tied down and—

“It’s not that bad,” Milly cut in and reminded him, apparently mistaking the reason for his increased trembling. “Just be grateful I’m only putting you in a cat costume instead of a French maid’s outfit!”

Suzaku’s eyes flashed with interest from across the room, and Lelouch fought down a blush and swiveled his head away.

He _really_ wanted to peel that absurd costume off his boyfriend.

-+-

“Before you ask, it’s okay,” Suzaku offered, reaching for Lelouch.

Tugging at blue cat ears, Lelouch pounced. “I can take it off?” he asked breathlessly. At Suzaku’s nod, Lelouch ventured, “…I can take it _all_ off?” He ran a hand through newly-freed brown curls, justifying his request with, “It’s a one-piece.”

Laughing, Suzaku only said, “I told you that you could.”

Lelouch’s hands trembled as he dragged the costume down Suzaku’s body, trying to ignore how Suzaku’s breath hitched whenever his knuckles brushed directly against skin. He forced himself to breathe when his boyfriend stepped out of the fursuit pooled on the floor, clad only in matching blue boxers. Suzaku shot him a tentative smile, and with a start of surprise, Lelouch realized that the younger teen was insecure.

“You have absolutely nothing to be worried about,” Lelouch crooned, running his gaze deliberately slowly from Suzaku's feet up to his eyes. All that military training definitely had a positive impact on Suzaku’s physique, and Lelouch almost drooled at the excess of firm, toned skin at his disposal. It was their first time as boyfriends that they’d allowed themselves to bare any skin below the neck. It was a milestone.

Of course, this wasn’t the first time overall that Lelouch had seen or even touched Suzaku's body. He remembered tending to Suzaku’s wound after the Lake Kawaguchi hotel jacking, but that had been an entirely different situation. Still reflecting on the memory, Lelouch stooped to collect the discarded costume and put it on a coat hanger, knowing he must be confusing Suzaku with the interruption but unable to help himself. He took his time hanging it up, needing things to be organized, and smoothing out the wrinkles as he struggled to get his hormones under control in the meantime. Finished with his laundry task, Lelouch stepped closer to the worried brunet and cupped his face. “You’re perfect.”

After the slight disruption, Suzaku visibly relaxed and held Lelouch's hand in place against his cheek. “I love you,” he said, green eyes sparkling with affection.

“Love you, too,” Lelouch answered automatically, but no less wholeheartedly. He followed up his declaration with a deep kiss, losing himself in Suzaku's touch. They’d gotten better at Frenching without too much spit, and all the practice had been fun. Building a romantic relationship was a lot harder and more uncomfortable than the movies made it seem, but Lelouch couldn’t think of anyone he’d rather brave these new waters with than Suzaku.

Lelouch barely noticed his boyfriend’s hands tugging at his clothes until Suzaku drew back with a gasp and asked, “And, can I…?” Eager hands pulled at Lelouch's black cat costume again, making his meaning clear.

At first, Lelouch stiffened. He felt comfortable with _Suzaku’s_ body; he didn’t necessarily want to get undressed himself. There was just something so open about removing clothes, and Lelouch didn’t do ‘open.’

“I won’t push you,” Suzaku said hastily, reading Lelouch with the ease of practice. “If you aren’t ready, then just say so.”

Hesitating, Lelouch brushed his fingers down Suzaku's arm as he thought over his options. “I want…” he started, then thought better of it. He tried again. “I’m not ready for s— _sex_ ,” he blurted, his face heating up. Normally calm and articulate, he felt himself slipping with Suzaku in the newness of their relationship. He looked anywhere but at green eyes. Speaking of hard and uncomfortable…

Suzaku chuckled. “Neither am I,” he said.

Lelouch relaxed, finally daring to meet his boyfriend’s gaze.

“You can stay in your costume,” Suzaku said gently. “It’s whatever you want.”

Lelouch melted a little more. _Suzaku really is the perfect boyfriend_. “I want us to be fair and balanced,” he answered. “But I don’t want to take my clothes off with you yet.” He hid his face in Suzaku’s naked shoulder, feeling acute embarrassment at the admission. He had to be straight with his boyfriend, though, at least about this. He just wasn’t ready to have all his layers stripped away, physically or metaphorically.

“Then do you want me to put some more clothes on?” Suzaku suggested, hugging Lelouch in reassurance.

“…No,” Lelouch finally said, touched that his nearly-nude boyfriend was listening so intently and trying to make it work. They really had come a long way with their communication. Wrapping his arms around Suzaku, he groaned at the feeling of all that soft, smooth skin. It truly had been too long since he’d been able to touch it.

Suzaku laughed again, stroking Lelouch’s hair. “Okay,” he said easily. “Then what do you want to do?”

Lelouch squirmed a little in the soldier’s hold, feeling the heated flush spread even farther. Suzaku was giving up control, leaving the decision in Lelouch’s hands. Letting him steer their relationship. Lelouch recognized the offering for what it was, his heart constricting with feeling.

“You can tell me anything,” Suzaku reminded him. “And for the record, I’m fine with continuing like this. I don’t mind being in my underwear, even if you have on ten layers, Lelouch.”

Pulling back, Lelouch tilted his head, one corner of his lip turning up in a sardonic smile. “Ten layers would be insufferably hot,” he said dryly.

“You’re insufferably hot no matter what,” Suzaku joked back, earning himself a light slap upside the head.

With a put-upon sigh, Lelouch backed his boyfriend up and pushed him unceremoniously onto his bed. “I just want to keep going like this,” he decided after several moments of deliberation, causing Suzaku to nod. Lelouch followed after, crawling atop his mostly naked boyfriend and feeling a thrill of excitement. Lowering himself, he caught Suzaku’s lips in a heated kiss, glad for the familiar position. They’d been getting used to each other with Lelouch on top, leading their kisses, ever since that first day horizontal on the couch.

It made for a somewhat easy transition into new territory. Lelouch _knew_ how to do _this_.

He also knew how to kiss his way down Suzaku's neck, as he’d left quite a few marks there in the past couple weeks or so.  To date, Lelouch hadn’t felt comfortable letting Suzaku return the favor, but seeing his boyfriend gasp and squirm in delight under his ministrations was making him curious. He thought about letting Suzaku mark him as he gave into temptation and rubbed his palms flatly down Suzaku's chest, drawing out a low moan. Transfixed, he repeated the motion, noticing how Suzaku twitched when Lelouch's thumb accidentally brushed a nipple.

“Le-Lelouch!” Suzaku gasped, his hands instinctively coming around the prince’s back.

Raising an eyebrow, Lelouch probed, “Yes? Good?”

“Oh, _yes_! That was incredible. Lelouch, keep going. You can…you can touch me anywhere…” Suzaku babbled, guiding Lelouch's fingers deliberately to his hardening nipple.

Purple eyes narrowing with resolve at Suzaku's enthusiasm and permission, Lelouch tilted his head and ventured slowly out of his comfort zone. He pressed hot, wet kisses along Suzaku’s shoulders and upper chest, every so often latching on to suck based on his boyfriend’s low moans of encouragement. _He’s sensitive…here_ , Lelouch discovered with another thrill, nuzzling an erogenous patch of skin below the shoulder. He mindlessly rolled Suzaku's nipple between his fingers, putting more of his focused concentration on mapping his boyfriend’s skin with his lips. Pausing in his work, he looked up towards Suzaku’s face. The brunet was panting for air, but his head was tilted down and his green eyes—darker than Lelouch had seen them yet, pupils blown—were pinned right on his own.

“Kami-sama, Lelouch,” Suzaku groaned, and Lelouch felt a zinging jolt at the Japanese spilling from his boyfriend’s lips.

Keeping his eyes trained on Suzaku’s, Lelouch lowered his mouth again—and licked a long stripe up the hard planes of his soldier’s chest. Suzaku keened, throwing back his head. Pleased with himself, Lelouch did it again, this time catching a nipple with his tongue. Suzaku’s whole body jerked.

 _We’re getting somewhere_ , Lelouch realized. His heart beat fast in his chest, matched by Suzaku’s thrumming under his fingertips. _I’m doing this with him_. Satisfaction swept over him in a wave. _I’m pleasing Suzaku._

As a slow and thorough study, Lelouch kept licking, sucking, and kissing his way up and down Suzaku’s chest. _Ah, he’s so delicious_. He paused as his lips encountered some thick, raised skin close to the brunet’s pectorals, and he pulled back. Narrowing his eyes, he lightly ran his finger over the small line of blemished skin. “A scar?” he asked, flicking his eyes to Suzaku’s. “How did this happen?” He pressed his finger harder against the mark, knowing every scar had a story.

Suzaku chewed his lip as he thought back. “That one is from my second week in training,” he said at last, a little hesitantly. “I might’ve fallen and rolled into some barbed wire.”

Lelouch’s eyes widened in shock and anger. “At the Honorary Britannian camp?” he pressed. _Another wound that awful Britannian military has inflicted on my Suzaku._

The soldier nodded. “It was my own fault,” he said quickly. “No one pushed me or anything. I was just too careless, but at least I learned to watch my surroundings better.”

Lelouch raised an eyebrow but bent to deliberately kiss the scar; Suzaku shivered at the touch. Pulling back again, Lelouch searched for more scars. Now that he was really looking for them, he noticed them scattered haphazardly around his boyfriend’s torso. How had he not zeroed in on them before? Suzaku obviously had a habit of being too reckless, letting himself be abused, or both. With a sigh, Lelouch traced his fingers across tan skin to a scar on the soldier’s side. “What about this one?” he asked.

Suzaku laughed. “That one’s from a training session with Tohdoh-sensei; it was my first time using a Kendo sword and I guess I really _wasn’t_ ready.”

Lelouch cracked a smile before kissing that scar, too, and trailing his lips to the next one. “And this?”

Suzaku blinked. “I _think_ that one is from the interrogation about Prince Clovis’s murder. It’s all really fuzzy.”

Blood suddenly boiling, Lelouch pressed his lips even harder to that particular mark. _They’ve hurt him so much. I will make them pay._ “You’re so brave,” he whispered into his abused boyfriend’s scar tissue, pressing closer for comfort.

“I’m really not,” Suzaku mumbled back, goosebumps rising on his flesh as Lelouch continued to map his body and demand backstories. There were a couple more scars from training fights, one from when he fell in the river as a boy and sliced his skin on some sharp rocks, and a few more leftover ‘gifts’ from the Purebloods during the numerous violent interrogations following Prince Clovis’s assassination. Lelouch already knew about the wound from the Lake Kawaguchi scandal. With another sigh, Lelouch finished exploring Suzaku's front and prodded him to roll over.

“I remember this one,” Lelouch said reverently, giving in to the urge to nuzzle and kiss the area of scar tissue strewn around Suzaku’s lower right back; there were lots of little brown dots, small pockets of raised skin, and even some indented skin from all the shrapnel dug out of the wound. Lelouch raked his eyes over the entire array of injuries and breathed, “This is where you were shot. To save me.” Closing his eyes, he pressed his face against the spot and breathed deeply.

Suzaku sighed and relaxed into the mattress. “It would have been much worse if my father’s pocket watch hadn’t deflected the bullet. The little scars scattered around are actually from the broken glass of the watch face cutting me, not the bullet itself. I mean, the shrapnel did leave some marks, but overall…” Fidgeting, he struggled with his words and finally reiterated, “It could have been worse.”

“Worse as in…?”

Suzaku squirmed. “As in, I’d be dead?”

Lelouch inhaled sharply and pressed another kiss to the little scars. “ _Suzaku_.”

“It’s okay,” the soldier soothed. “I’m alive. I was lucky.”

Lelouch shook his head and pushed Suzaku to roll over again onto his back. He gazed passionately down at his boyfriend. “It was too close. You almost died.”

Suzaku stared back at him, green eyes wide and solemn. “I’d give my life for you in a heartbeat, Lelouch.”

“Idiot!” Lelouch hissed. “You shouldn’t—anyway, you already proved that in Shinjuku. Don’t you _ever_ make me fear for your life again!” It took all the controlling royal’s willpower not to enforce the order with Geass; he’d resolved never to use the power on his boyfriend. Suzaku’s free will mattered too much.

Nodding hurriedly, Suzaku agreed and craned his neck up for a kiss. “I’ll try my best.”

“You need to do more than ‘try,’” Lelouch retorted before leaning down to accommodate Suzaku with a peck. “ _I_ need to know you’re alive and safe.”

“Yes, Your Highness,” Suzaku said warmly. His eyes glinted as he tangled his hands in black hair and guided the prince back down for another, more involved kiss—one with lots of teeth, tongue, and saliva. Groaning into the older boy’s mouth, he said, “ _I_ need you to get back to what you started, Lelouch.”

With an exaggerated eyeroll, Lelouch returned to his original task of exploring his boyfriend’s body with his hands and mouth. Suzaku’s request showed that he was uncomfortable talking about his past wounds, particularly from Shinjuku, and Lelouch had to respect that and steer them back towards more pleasurable pastimes. Lelouch moaned as he got into it again and kissed and sucked his way across Suzaku's heaving chest, leaving marks of his own to tell a different story.

All of Suzaku’s groans and gasps fleshed out their tale with sensory detail.

It felt slightly odd to be engaging in such unfamiliar physical acts, but more than anything, Lelouch felt high on power. One hand reached out to hold his boyfriend’s, keeping them both anchored, and Suzaku’s fingers curled between his on instinct. Heat rose in his body, and his cat costume started to feel a little too stifling. They were both getting sweaty, but for once the finicky prince didn’t mind; Suzaku was just too addicting. With that in mind, his lips closed purposefully around his boyfriend’s left nipple and he pressed the flat of his tongue experimentally against it.

“ _Lelouch!_ ”

As he worshiped his boyfriend’s body, Lelouch thought back to the Student Council party. Suzaku had been extremely sweet, getting so emotional about their friends. _I just want to take care of him and make him happy. My Suzaku._ A rush of misplaced jealousy rose in him as he remembered Rivalz pull Suzaku to the floor in an attempt to get him to unwind, and Lelouch angled his head and sucked harder. His free hand slid across Suzaku's slick chest to grasp the neglected nipple there, and he pinched it tightly.  Suzaku let out a strangled cry, and Lelouch hummed. _That’s right, Suzaku,_ he communicated with every flick of his tongue and fingers, _you’re mine. **I’ll** make you unwind._

The heat was getting unbearable, and Lelouch finally pulled back with a gasp. His gaze locked with Suzaku’s, and he reached to tangle both of their free hands together. “I love you, Suzaku,” he said, eyes bright. His heart thumped erratically as he realized again how much Suzaku had just shared of himself; it was inspiring. Lelouch slowly, intentionally brought his boyfriend’s hands to his cat costume. “It’s okay,” he offered with an unwavering smile. “It’s okay, I’m ready now.”

Suzaku’s simple, heartfelt smile somehow trumped all his other reactions.

-+-

If Suzaku had thought his body was on fire before, it was nothing compared to when he pulled Lelouch down flush against him, skin on skin. Lelouch choked back a moan as their naked chests pressed together, and it was Suzaku’s turn to run his hands up and down the silken-soft skin of Lelouch's back.  He felt a rush of dizziness at the sensation, having wanted to touch Lelouch like this ever since that day in the boy’s locker room. He’d had to wait unbearably long for this chance, and it had been torturous when Lelouch had paused their heated explorations and insisted on hanging up his own cat costume beside Suzaku’s to avoid wrinkles. Lelouch’s quirks made this more real, though, and the real thing was _way_ better than he’d imagined.

Lelouch buried his face in Suzaku’s neck, and the brunet soothingly traced circles on pale shoulder blades. “Shhh,” Suzaku said. “It’s okay. You’re perfect,” he echoed, remembering how Lelouch’s words had put him at ease just a bit earlier. Suzaku wasn’t normally self-conscious about his body—he was usually pretty damn proud of it—but Lelouch always had such high expectations that it was easy to feel like he was falling short. Especially when it came to their burgeoning romantic relationship and all the things it entailed.

“It’s not that. You just feel so good,” Lelouch said breathlessly, pressing a kiss to the brunet’s neck.

Suzaku’s heart thumped faster. “Yeah, you too.” Keeping a firm grasp on Lelouch, he rolled them over until he was on top. He felt Lelouch stiffen beneath him at the change, so he removed himself and sat up, taking his first chance to just appreciatively _stare_ at his boyfriend’s body. Lelouch had always been slender, but it was more noticeable without any clothes to hide his frame. His skin was creamy, so pale compared to Suzaku’s own, but it fit the Britannian prince’s ethereal image. He wasn’t built like Suzaku; he cut gym class all the time and it showed, yet his upper arms were muscular from taking care of Nunnally all these years. His skin was unblemished but Suzaku knew that Lelouch's real scars were burning under the surface. Suzaku blushed as his gaze slid over Lelouch’s tight black bikini briefs, already stretched over a half-hard erection. It brought Suzaku’s attention to his own stirring need. His eyes flicked back to Lelouch's face, which was steadily reddening the longer Suzaku stared at him.

“…You can tell me I’m perfect now,” Lelouch prompted, his fingers twitching uneasily.

Suzaku laughed, feeling the tension dissipate a little. He could always count on Lelouch to be Lelouch. “You _are_ perfect,” he reassured. He reached down to slide his fingers through his boyfriend's again.

Something in Lelouch seemed to relax at that, and he squeezed wordless gratitude through their fingers. His eyes traced Suzaku’s body above him in turn, and he inhaled harshly once he noticed the tent in Suzaku’s boxers. He immediately closed his eyes, pressed his own legs together, and rolled over until he was lying face down on the bed. Burying his face in his pillow, he took a few deep breaths before peeking over his shoulder at his patient boyfriend.

Suzaku just tilted his head and readjusted their hands, making sure to keep a tight grip despite Lelouch’s new position. “Does it make you uncomfortable?” he asked quietly, shifting a bit on the bed.

“…A little,” admitted Lelouch. “I know it’s basic biology, but experiencing it with you is different than reading about it in a textbook.”

Nodding, Suzaku used his free hand to tenderly brush some of Lelouch’s hair off his sweaty forehead. _He’s letting his weaknesses show. He **never** does that! God, I love him_. “I get it,” he said. “It’s okay to be embarrassed. It’s new and big—”

Lelouch snorted.

“I meant it’s a big deal!” Suzaku said in a rush, feeling his own cheeks grow even hotter.

“I know what you meant,” Lelouch assured him, sneaking another quick peak at Suzaku’s clothed erection. “It’s just weird, being with you like this and my body does _that_. You have so much power over me, Suzaku, but since it’s you, it’s okay.” Usually so cynical, Lelouch didn’t sound entirely convinced, but his tone was still more certain than Suzaku would have expected of him. Considering it was Lelouch. Heaving a sigh, Lelouch concluded, “I’ll get used to it.”

Suzaku’s heartbeat quickened at the confession—especially because he knew his boyfriend was such a control freak—and he grinned, remembering how fast Lelouch had taken to French kissing despite his initial apprehension. “Yeah, you will. We both will.” He ran his hand up and down Lelouch’s back in a reassuring caress, stilling his movements when Lelouch suddenly tugged Suzaku's hand free and determinedly rolled over again, leaving Suzaku’s palm resting on his chest instead. Without a word, pale fingers grasped a tan wrist and urged Suzaku to keep stroking. His breathing growing more shallow, Suzaku ran his hand all over Lelouch's torso. He felt Lelouch’s stomach quiver as his touch dipped down that far, and the prince's underwear grew a little tighter. A thought struck Suzaku, but he swallowed it down and simply stared at Lelouch, narrowing his eyes in a puzzled expression.

“What are you wondering about now?” Lelouch mused, always noticing Suzaku’s needs. He wriggled under Suzaku’s ongoing caresses.

Suddenly embarrassed, Suzaku shook his head. “No, it’s too personal.”

“ _Suzaku_ ,” Lelouch stressed with an eye roll. “We’re boyfriends now. We’ve been doing a lot of _personal_ things together. Just ask.” He reached out and slid his own hand up the soldier’s chest, letting it rest over his rapidly beating heart.

Fidgeting a bit uncomfortably, Suzaku finally got out, “Did I ever…make you hard?” He let his hand drift to stop over Lelouch’s pale breast, subconsciously mirroring his boyfriend’s position.

Lelouch flushed but slowly nodded, pressing his face into Suzaku's boxer-clad thigh. “Yes,” he answered, voice muffled. “Mostly because of _those_ dreams.” At the mere memory of them, Lelouch's length stiffened into full hardness.

“Me too,” Suzaku put in, his own need sky-rocketing from his boyfriend's reaction. “But if we’re being honest, you made me hard when you changed into your gym uniform on my second day at Ashford.”

Lelouch lifted his head in surprise, purple eyes widening. “Really?” he asked, clearly intrigued. “You’ve been wanting me since that far back?” He squirmed, plainly embarrassed and trying to ignore his body’s reaction.

Suzaku nodded sheepishly. “Yeah. That’s why I, um, had to ‘use the restroom’ and why I didn’t want you to wait for me.” His hand fluttered on Lelouch's prone body.

Preening a bit, Lelouch smirked. “You’ve been jerking off to me since the beginning,” he said smugly. He started to relax on the sheets, visibly growing more comfortable despite both their bodies’ escalating responses.

Sputtering, Suzaku shook his head and—wait, did his refined, silver-tongued prince actually utter the vulgar phrase, ‘jerking off’? Which brought him to his defense. “No!” he insisted. “I never…touched myself. I felt ashamed, and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.” He snatched his hand away from Lelouch's body.

“How would I have ever found out?” Lelouch asked, raising an eyebrow and catching Suzaku’s hand back.

Suzaku shrugged one shoulder carelessly. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “It just felt wrong to actually _do_ something about it.” He took a shuddering breath. “You know, without your permission.” His hand trembled in his boyfriend's hold.

Lelouch’s eyes gentled. “You have my permission from now on.”

“Really? You don’t mind?”

“Suzaku, it’s kind of hot.”

Green eyes popped open wide. “Lelouch!”

Pleased, Lelouch chuckled deeply. “What? I thought we were supposed to be honest with each other, especially about these kinds of things.” His fingers trailed down Suzaku’s chest and stomach, stopping to rub right at the line where underwear met skin. His eyes narrowed a bit before he tacked on, “I’m…okay with you touching yourself when you think about me, but I’m not ready to touch or be touched. _Down there_.”

Suzaku grinned shakily, willing his erection to stop twitching from his boyfriend’s closeness and cuteness. “That’s fine with me. And, uh, it goes both ways. Have you ever…?”

Lelouch shook his head, eyeing the bulge in Suzaku's boxers, and confessed, “I normally wake up to wet bedsheets.” He licked his lips, looking up Suzaku’s mostly-exposed body with a heated gaze. His cock jumped, and he hurriedly crossed one leg over another, gasping at the sensation. He closed his eyes and shook his head, breathing hard. “Anyway, I’m, uh, glad you’re not making fun of me about all this.”

Suzaku just shook his head. “Why would I make fun of you?” he asked fondly. He leaned forward to drop a quick kiss on Lelouch's bare chest, right where his hand had rested earlier. “I know you. I know you like to ease into things until you know you can control everything.” He hesitated then, rolling his shoulders. “I also know you like to be on top. Sorry for rolling us without asking.” _I always mess up. Lelouch really deserves better._ He glanced down at the bed, letting his bangs cover his eyes.

After a few moments, Lelouch sat and tilted Suzaku's face up to meet his eyes. “It’s fine,” he said in a low voice. He took a deep breath, obviously searching for the right words. “I like lying on top because I feel a bit safer—”

“You have more control,” Suzaku cut in with a serious expression.

Lelouch nodded. “Yeah. But…” He traced Suzaku’s body with his eyes again, and then moved to press his left hand against Suzaku’s lower back, right on the scarred-over Shinjuku wounds. Suzaku inhaled and recalled their grand reunion again; by the look on his face, Lelouch was remembering, too. “This is where you were shot,” Lelouch repeated rapturously. “To save me.” He leaned in for a quick kiss before adding, “I trust you. I feel safe with you.”

Suzaku’s head swam at that display, not for the first time. _Lelouch doesn’t normally trust people. This is huge._

“I’ll need to get used to it,” Lelouch said with a hesitant smile, “but I think I’d like to try that again. You on top, I mean.”

Suzaku shook his head. “You don’t need to force yourself for my sake—”

“It wouldn’t be forced,” Lelouch interrupted. “I froze up because I wasn’t expecting it, but…when I remembered it was _you_ …” He swept his fingers lovingly back and forth across Suzaku’s wounds. “I mean, you’ve already almost died for my sake. I know you won’t hurt me.” He leaned in for a longer kiss. “Come on, Suzaku.”

Giving in, Suzaku initiated another kiss. He slowly lay Lelouch back down, following after him until they were pressed chest-to-chest again. He carefully angled his hips away from Lelouch's, remembering his boundaries; Suzaku couldn’t keep himself from thrusting a couple times against the bed, though, making Lelouch smile a bit knowingly around their tongues. Wriggling into a more comfortable position, Suzaku broke the kiss and asked, “Okay?”

Violet eyes narrowed in consideration. “Yeah,” Lelouch answered after a few seconds. He reached around again to press the palm of his hand over Suzaku's glass-and-shrapnel wounds, as if reminding himself of his resolve. “You feel…warm. Your weight is kind of comforting, actually. Like you’re guarding me. Keeping me grounded.”

Suzaku let his head drop, and he nuzzled into Lelouch's neck. Their heartbeats raced against each other’s skin. “I love you,” he whispered. _I’ll always protect you, Lelouch._

“I love you, too,” Lelouch whispered back. He tilted his head back on the pillow, allowing his boyfriend more access to his neck, and ordered, “Now kiss me.” He pushed a bit on the back of Suzaku's head, guiding him to where Lelouch wanted the attention. “You…don’t have to hold back.” His pulse jumped beneath Suzaku's lips.

Suzaku’s arousal spiked, and for the first time, he latched his lips onto that pale column of skin and _sucked_.


	7. Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some SuzaLulu relationship overload.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented, left kudos, started following my Tumblr, etc. :D
> 
> Thanks to my lovely beta-reader, TheGeminiSage, for looking over this whale of a tale. She is love. ~~Go read her Undertale comic, Refuse. :D~~
> 
> Please enjoy the slow burn romance and let me know your thoughts. I really want to know how the relationship-building is coming across. Or if you have a favorite part or quote, please share so I know what I'm doing right. If I could improve something, let me know that, too. <3
> 
> Warning for slight dry-humping beginning in this chapter. And fluff.

_Damn, I **miss** him_ , Lelouch complained, crossing his arms over his chest. Looking down through the mask, he privately lamented how he needed to tear himself away from his boyfriend to make an appearance at the Black Knights mobile headquarters. His neck tingled where Suzaku had sucked his very first hickey, and racy memories of their afternoon together interfered with his ability to focus on Ohgi’s report about Refrain dealers. It wasn’t that Lelouch didn’t want to bring justice to the powerless; he just wanted to do it with Suzaku by his side.

“And they’re going to meet at a warehouse tonight,” Ohgi finished with an expectant look.

Zero nodded, glad that he'd caught the tail end of the update. “We’ll be there,” he affirmed, executing his power as leader of the Black Knights.

Ohgi and his original resistance team grew excited at the planned raid, and Lelouch mustered up the charisma to be Zero. It was easier to put his heart into it when he discovered Kallen had a personal connection to this issue, and it helped him remember his priorities.

 _This is about more than just Suzaku and me_ , he recalled. _This is about all of Japan and Britannia. This is about a better **world**._

Still, seeing all those desperate Japanese people addicted to Refrain got him thinking. _A chance to remember the good of the past, hm?_

-+-

“That was delicious,” Suzaku sighed with an affectionate smile at Lelouch across the dinner table—which had been lowered to the floor, Japanese-style. A spicy aroma lingered in the air, wafting throughout the entire Lamperouge suite. “I can’t believe you cooked me legitimate sashimi.”

Lelouch returned the smile, finishing up his miso soup side dish. “I wanted you to have a little taste of home,” he explained with a swish of his fingers. Never mind that they were _in_ Japan; actual Japanese cuisine had been banned along with the rest of the culture since Britannia had taken over.

Suzaku’s eyes glittered with emotion. “Lelouch,” he said, a little choked up. “I have a taste of home every time I’m with you. I don’t need all this.” He waved his hand at the elaborate spread that Lelouch had prepared, even going so far as to arrange the food into a traditional artful presentation.

Lelouch looked to the side and adjusted himself on his pillow-seat. “I wanted to do it."

“Where did you even find the ingredients?” Suzaku asked, still moved to near-tears. “Supermarkets don’t even carry wasabi anymore.”

Lelouch’s smile curled secretively. “Maybe Britannian supermarkets,” he allowed.

Suzaku blinked and leaned forward. “You…you braved the Eleven ghettoes?” he asked in awe. “Just to buy some authentic Japanese food so you could cook me a real Japanese dinner?”

Lelouch reached forward to clasp Suzaku’s hand between both of his. “I love you,” he answered simply, staring into Suzaku's eyes. That was all the explanation needed.

“I love _you_ ,” Suzaku returned. _I’m not worth all this._ He wiped at his eyes with his free hand. “I’m just…touched that you’d go so far for me.”

“I’d go even further,” Lelouch corrected with a somewhat dark smile.

Suzaku shivered pleasantly at the devotion and promise in his boyfriend’s tone.

-+-

“ _This_ is why I’d do anything for you,” Suzaku blurted with a smile, holding up a paper.

Lelouch tilted his head at the list, squinting at the tiny print across the dining room table (now a homework station before supper). “I thought you were doing a lab report for chemistry,” he said, his face wrinkling into a puzzled frown. “That doesn’t look like chemistry.”

“Oh,” Suzaku said, waving it off, “I got distracted, so I did this instead.” He proudly brandished the paper at Lelouch with a pleased, “I told you what it was.”

Raising an eyebrow, Lelouch reached for the page and almost dropped it when he scanned the heading up top: _All the Reasons Why I Love Lelouch_.

  1. He’s Lelouch.
  2. He balances me perfectly.
  3. He _gets_ me.
  4. He’s a role model in how people should act.
  5. He’s literally a prince charming.
  6. He’s kind.
  7. His devotion to Nunnally is inspiring.
  8. He’s Lelouch.
  9. God, he’s gorgeous.
  10. Those eyes. Enough said.
  11. His intelligence.
  12. He is a lifesaver.
  13. How he’ll “stick up for the little guy.”
  14. His smile. Especially the one that lights up his whole face when he sees me.
  15. He seems to instinctively provide what I need from him. All the time. He’s that good.



The list continued, up to a reason 507 on the back; it seemed Suzaku had only stopped because, despite writing in the tiniest characters imaginable, he’d run out of room. It should be noted that over half of his reasons consisted of “He’s Lelouch.” To be fair, it _was_ the most important point.

Jaw dropping, Lelouch raised his eyes to meet Suzaku’s. “You spent the last hour doing _this_?” he asked in stunned amazement. At the first available opportunity, this list was joining the soldier’s numerous post-it notes in Lelouch’s hidden “Suzaku Box” under the floorboards.

“I love you,” Suzaku answered simply. “I just wanted you to know why. But, uh, I still don’t think I’ve expressed my feelings well enough. That paper is so trite compared to what’s in here,” he said, thumping his chest, right over his heart.

Lelouch sat up straighter, his chest welling with love and pride from his boyfriend’s efforts. “It’s enough, Suzaku,” he assured, his voice as soft as paper and his meaning clear as ink. “It’s enough.” He reached over the table for Suzaku's free hand, squeezing it gently with warmth and gratitude. “I love you, too.” Despite his natural linguistic skill, he understood why the words alone felt underwhelming. Sweeping his thumb from side to side across the back of Suzaku’s hand, Lelouch said, “I love your eyes and smile also, you know, how they’re so expressive.”

Suzaku blinked at the turn-around, looking a little flustered.

“I love how you treat Nunnally like the princess she is,” Lelouch continued reverently. “I love the softness of your hair, and the way your nose curves. I love your inner strength, to endure all the insults and bullying you go through. I love the way you laugh, and I even love the way you whine when Arthur bites you.” His voice seeped into all the cracked hollows in Suzaku's heart, filling and fortifying them with tender affection. Chuckling lightly, Lelouch said, “But most of all, I love the way you’re truly yourself with me. How you love me back so fiercely.” He ended with another hand squeeze and a teasing apology. “Sorry that’s not 507 reasons, but off the top of my head…”

His whole face glowing like a firebird, Suzaku shook his head. “No, Lelouch, it’s perfect.”

Taking a deep breath, Lelouch concluded solemnly, “…I love you because you’re Kururugi Suzaku.”

Hitched laughter erupted from Suzaku's throat. “We really are a balanced match, aren’t we?” he observed, voice filled with emotion.

“That we are, Suzaku,” Lelouch agreed pleasantly. “In every way.”

-+-

Milly elected to hold the Student Council meetings after-school again, which made lunchtime make-out sessions easier to partake in. When they weren’t kissing, Lelouch and Suzaku were making vague plans for their future together, studiously ignoring reality’s prejudices knocking on the outside of their rose-tinted bubble for as many stolen moments as they could safeguard for themselves.

-+-

Their playful competitive streak manifested itself in the most delicious new ways as their relationship progressed.

“I bet I can kiss you harder than you can kiss me,” Lelouch taunted, violet eyes sparking with challenge as he seductively drew Suzaku in by the shirt collar. In the privacy of his bedroom, they were free to do whatever they wanted. Suzaku never complained about Lelouch's room being boring anymore.

Suzaku raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Right, because you’re so much stronger than me. Physically, I mean,” he shot back, tone frisky and gently mocking.

Lelouch just smirked and leaned in, and Suzaku met him with bruising force. They fell back on the bed and rolled around, both trying valiantly to outdo each other as they crushed their faces together and ravished each other’s mouths. They scrabbled and tussled until their intense focus wavered and they naturally fell into their customary, mutually satisfying give-and-take, and they both forgot they were trying to top each other as they just concentrated on making it pleasurable together.

(This happened at least twice a week. Sometimes Suzaku would pull back at the end with the most dazed and loving expression that Lelouch felt like he'd won the world. Of course, he had to vocalize his triumph with a smug, “I win.” And sometimes Suzaku would simply roll his eyes and let him have it, because he delighted in seeing Lelouch so cocky. Other times, he’d let Lelouch have it in a different way, with a soft and dangerously daring, “We’ll see about that” as he captured his boyfriend’s lips with renewed fervor.)

-+-

“Ah, Suzaku,” Lelouch interjected between kisses, his fingers clenched helplessly in the folds of Suzaku's uniform. He could barely feel his bedroom chess table under his back. “N-not that I’m complaining, but…why…why are you…” His question fizzled into a moan.

Pulling back with a gasp, Suzaku guessed, “Why am I kissing you _so much_?”

Dazedly, Lelouch nodded.

With a half-hearted shrug, Suzaku explained, “You finished your Student Council work for today. I thought that deserved a proper celebration.”

“That’s such a minor thing to praise,” Lelouch said with a breathless snort.

Shrugging again, Suzaku countered smugly, “It’s still an achievement, and you were successful. I want to honor that, Lelouch.”

They were still at that stage where anything was an excuse to make out.

(They were always at that stage where anything was an excuse to make out.)

-+-

“Friends get ice-cream together all the time,” Lelouch pointed out quietly, aiming a light kick at Suzaku’s leg beneath the table. The soldier had originally suggested pizza to celebrate Lelouch’s latest chess win, but had changed his mind after Lelouch had blanched and stalwartly refused. “No one else knows this is a date. Relax.”

Suzaku fearfully looked around the quaint little ice-cream parlor, only relaxing once his gaze rested on Lelouch’s face. Their booth was small, and they were rather close together. No one was paying them any mind, but still. It was better to be safe than sorry. “Yeah, but I’m just worried something bad will happen.” _We’re out in public together. It’s dangerous._

A slim eyebrow rose over a violet eye. “There’s worry,” Lelouch conceded, “and then there’s paranoia.”

Sighing, Suzaku took a bite of his vanilla cone. “You were the one who said we needed to be careful.”

“We are being careful,” Lelouch insisted. Giving the establishment a once-over for safety, he leaned over the table and explained in a low tone, “For example, if I wasn’t being careful, I would’ve already kissed you.”

Suzaku squeaked and lapped at his cone with renewed vigor.

Lelouch sat back, folding his arms across his chest in a rather smug manner. “Besides,” he remembered, “haven’t we gone on a date before?”

Tilting his head, Suzaku wondered, “When?”

“Yes, we did,” Lelouch answered his own question. “To that Orange Café.”

 _That’s right! We did eat out together alone in public, but we were—wait._ “That wasn’t a—!” Suzaku protested, feeling some of his ice-cream drip onto his hand.

Lelouch cocked his head. “Wasn’t it? I thought it was.”

Suzaku took another bite of ice-cream, hoping the cold would chase away the heat in his cheeks. “We weren’t even together then,” he mumbled.

Lelouch chuckled. “Maybe not officially,” he granted. “But to me, by the end of that night, I was convinced we were inevitable.”

Suzaku felt a thrill and clenched his free hand into a fist. “Lelouch,” he warned, ignoring all the mixed signals that had come from Lelouch after their semi-date, proving the prince's words were not _entirely_ truthful. “You’re making it very, _very_ hard for me to be careful right now.”

Chest swelling, Lelouch smirked. “Maybe you’d better get me home then,” he invited in a barely audible, suggestive voice.

Despite the ice-cream, Suzaku’s mouth went dry. He was just about to respond when Lelouch’s cell rang.

Lelouch secretively took out his phone, checked the caller ID, and frowned before looking at Suzaku. His eyes skimmed between his boyfriend, his cell, and the back door a couple times before he sighed and simply stared at the device in his hand for a long moment, letting it ring itself out.

Suzaku’s forehead furrowed and he dared to ask, “Aren’t you gonna get that?”

Lelouch looked back at him quickly and tucked the now-silent phone into his pocket. “No,” he answered decisively, “I’ll call them back later.”

“Who was it?”

“It was… You know what? Don’t worry about it.”

“Was it Shirley?”

“I said, don’t worry about it.”

Rejected, Suzaku pursed his lips and remembered. This wasn’t the first time Lelouch had received strange phone calls, yet Suzaku was no closer to figuring out this mystery than he was on that first day they became official. It had almost sounded like Lelouch would answer him for once just now, but he’d pulled back before divulging anything of substance. Just what sort of gambling heist was Lelouch caught up in?  How dangerous was it?  Should Suzaku be doing something more to stop it?

Still worried and lost in thought, Suzaku mindlessly looked up when the bell over the front door jingled and a few Ashford Academy students walked in. Suzaku's face paled a bit, his attention diverted to the here-and-now, and his ice-cream cone slipped through numb fingers; Lelouch took a quick look over his shoulder to see the cause of Suzaku's nervous behavior.

Corbin Dixon and Chloe Beck made their way halfway to the front counter before catching sight of them and changing course. They were holding hands, which made Suzaku feel a slight pang of envy. Farrell Fox and Jessica Moore followed a few steps behind their friends, the redheaded Britannian boy’s arm draped casually around his girlfriend’s shoulders. They were obviously on a double-date.

“Well, well, what’s this?” Chloe scoffed, shooting Suzaku a critical gaze. “An Eleven daring to eat at a Britannian ice-cream parlor?”

Lelouch narrowed his eyes at their classmates. “Last I checked,” he cut in icily, “ _Honorary_ _Britannians_ were welcome to give their business wherever they pleased.” The employee at the front register shot the group a warning glance, anticipating trouble by the look on his face.

Suzaku shot a helpless look at the other teen. “Lelouch, please,” he hissed. _Don’t make it worse._

Corbin held up a hand. “Don’t backtalk a Britannian,” he commanded Suzaku sharply. Azure eyes flicked to Lelouch. “Please, continue,” he said, tone suddenly polished. “I’m _dying_ to hear what you have to say, Lamperouge.” Chloe giggled obnoxiously next to him and leaned against his side. Farrell smirked and pulled his own girlfriend closer, looking like he was enjoying the show.

Lelouch schooled his glare into a mask of calm. “It’s like I already said.” He pressed his shaking ankle against Suzaku’s underneath the table. “As a soldier for the _Britannian Army_ , Suzaku has the right to eat wherever he wants.”

Snorting, Corbin flashed a sinister smile at Suzaku. “Pathetic. An Eleven so-called ‘soldier’ can’t even defend himself. Instead, he relies on weak little Lamperouge to do it for him.” Farrell slapped him a high-five for the double-jibe.

Suzaku slammed his hands flat on the table and stood up, breathing heavily. “ _Don’t_ insult Lelouch,” he warned, voice dangerous. He could never justify standing up for himself, his father’s dying scream always holding him back, but messing with Lelouch was one thing Suzaku just would not tolerate. _I’m the one to blame anyway._

Corbin’s eyebrow disappeared under black bangs. “Or what?” he challenged. “You’ll hide behind him, like always?”

Suzaku opened his mouth—and then promptly closed it. He shut his eyes for a second and swayed a bit on his feet, trying to think. _Anything I say or do is going to make this worse._ His father’s scream grew louder in his head, as if agreeing with his decision.

Lelouch frowned, sighed, and took a delicate bite of his mostly-forgotten ice-cream, smearing vanilla over his lips in the process. He obviously wanted to dish out a tongue-lashing—Suzaku knew his boyfriend well enough to pick up on that—but Lelouch was holding himself back for Suzaku’s sake, because Suzaku had asked. Instead, Lelouch was irately going for the ‘I’m going to ignore you because you’re not worth my time’ approach just to make his point.

Suzaku bit his lip, feeling a strong, ill-timed urge to lick that ice-cream right off his boyfriend. Remembering himself, he looked to the side and was confused to see Corbin eyeing Lelouch with a darkened gaze. Before Suzaku could say anything, Corbin turned his attention to Chloe and roughly hauled her up for a kiss. Chloe jumped when Corbin grabbed her ass, but dutifully spread her legs so he could thrust his hips more easily against hers, making her Ashford skirt flutter over the table and become stained white from Suzaku’s spilled ice-cream.

Green eyes widening, Suzaku quickly tore his gaze from the intimate display. He looked at Lelouch and noticed that his normally pale ears were turning faintly pink at the tips. Wordlessly, Suzaku motioned to the door, and Lelouch gave a firm nod before silently excusing himself and power-walking to the street. On his way out the door, Suzaku was slightly mollified to find that Farrell and Jessica looked distinctly uncomfortable at their friends’ sexual spectacle. Suzaku kept pace with Lelouch, but it wasn’t until they were a couple blocks away that he dared to speak. “So, um,” he began, rubbing the back of his head embarrassedly.

“Some people have no shame,” Lelouch said with annoyance. He shook his head, clenching and unclenching his fists.

Suzaku sighed. “Still, it’s nice that they can get away with it.”

Purple eyes flicked to him in shock. “You want to dry-hump me in public?” Lelouch asked out the corner of his mouth in disbelief.

Suzaku choked, still getting used to Lelouch voicing such vulgarities, and felt a shiver rush up his spine despite himself. “No, I don’t want to do anything to you in public. You’re _mine_. No one else deserves to see you so disheveled,” he growled, a note of possessiveness in his voice.

Lelouch smirked, eyes flashing with want and pride. “I agree. What we have is private and special, and it should stay between us.” He glanced at Suzaku’s hand before looking at the pedestrians on the street, and he huffed with obvious displeasure. He waited until they were clear of a white-haired Chinese man wearing oldschool headphones before asking, “What did you mean then?”

Suzaku looked over his shoulder, even though the ice-cream parlor was long gone. The Chinese man was staring at them with disbelief, even though they hadn’t done anything to give themselves away. Suzaku’s chest constricted with hurt longing as he spelled out, “They’re allowed to act like a couple in public. If I wasn’t so…” He spread out his hands, looking down at his skin with distaste.

Lelouch frowned, reaching for his boyfriend but pulling back at the last second. He comfortingly bumped their shoulders instead. “Suzaku,” he said with conviction, “there’s nothing wrong with being Japanese.”

“No,” Suzaku agreed. “But there is something wrong with being an Eleven.”

-+-

“There is definitely something wrong with Synclair Worth and his entourage,” Lelouch huffed, extending a hand to help Suzaku off the floor. The bullies had scattered before Lelouch could make it down the hall. “What was it this time?”

Ignoring the hand, Suzaku jumped to his feet. “They didn’t like that I bought a new gym shirt.”

Lelouch blinked, processing that information and taking offense at a different point. “You _bought_ another one?” he growled. Sometimes Suzaku drove him crazy in the worst ways. “You’re paying your own money into replacing that damaged uniform?”

Shrugging, Suzaku offered weakly, “I get paid by the military, and the gym shirt doesn’t cost a lot.”

“You should have it replaced for free!” Lelouch snapped. “ _You_ didn’t ruin your own uniform. Anyone with half a brain can see that, so you shouldn’t have to pay for it.” His livid voice was growing louder with every word, earning whispers from passers-by.

Suzaku was already shaking his head before Lelouch was done ranting. “No, Lelouch. I don’t want to cause any trouble.”

Purple eyes narrowed with contempt. “Is that also why you won’t fight back?” _This is getting too much to ignore_. Lelouch was tired of watching Synclair Worth and the others target Suzaku day after day, but he was even sicker of watching Suzaku let it happen without a fight.

Dull green eyes stared fixatedly at the floor. In a paper-thin voice, Suzaku answered, “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“So that’s a ‘yes,’” deduced Lelouch with a blistering tone.

Suzaku took a large step back, pressing himself against the wall. Shaking his head, he said weakly, “It’s easier to just go along with it.”

“It’s not right!” exploded Lelouch. He took a step forward, trapping Suzaku against the wall and getting in his face. “Don’t be an idiot about this, Kururugi Suzaku!”

Suzaku jerked his chin up, eyes flashing. “Don’t call me an idiot, Lelouch.”

Scowling, Lelouch caught himself, taking a deep breath to gather a plan and patience both. _Not what I was going for originally, but I can make this work._ “Very good,” he praised stiffly. “Now stand up to _them_. Just like that.”

“I _know_ what I’m doing,” Suzaku insisted, sticking to his own stubborn path. He edged along the wall until he was free of Lelouch's looming presence. “They’ll change their minds about me eventually, after I’ve proven myself. I’ll win them over.” He folded his arms defensively over his chest and maintained, “They just need some more time until they understand that I’m not a threat.”

Lelouch snorted angrily and argued, “No, they need a good ass-kicking.” He tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Since you won’t do it, maybe I’ll sic Rivalz on them—” _Or the Black Knights._

Sighing, Suzaku shook his head sadly. “Lelouch, I know you mean well, but stop stirring up trouble for my sake.”

Glaring, Lelouch retorted, “I wouldn’t _have_ to if you’d just take care of yourself!”

“Your methods are only going to cause more problems in the end!” Suzaku snarled.

Lelouch froze instinctively at the familiar line and tone. _He’s not talking to Zero. He couldn’t possibly know_.

Continuing, Suzaku exclaimed, “Anyway, Lelouch, it’s _my_ burden. Don’t get involved!” Without waiting for a response, the soldier darted off down the hallway—too fast for the low-stamina prince to keep up—and willfully avoided Lelouch for the rest of the day.

The following morning, they awkwardly greeted one another as if nothing had happened.

-+-

From then on, Lelouch cut down significantly on calling Suzaku an idiot.

At least outwardly.

Except when Suzaku _really_ deserved it.

-+-

They couldn’t stay apart for long, and that afternoon found them horizontal on Lelouch’s bed like usual. There was still a slight sense of uncomfortableness in the air lingering from their minor argument, but instead of addressing the problem, they each tried to reassure one another with wordless apologies—in the form of soulful looks, extra cuddles, purposeful petting, intense kisses, and affectionate ear nibbles. They were moving on, trying to get into the swing of normalcy, pretending their heated exchange had never happened.

“I, ah, love you, Suzaku,” Lelouch gasped, squirming as his boyfriend teased the shell of his ear with his tongue. He turned his head, giving Suzaku better access. “I just want you to—ha, that tickles!—Mmm…”

Suzaku gently held Lelouch's face and kissed him square on the mouth, swallowing the prince’s words, grunts, and gasps for a good ten minutes nonstop. “Shh, Lelouch, it’s okay,” he finally whispered, nuzzling Lelouch’s cheek and neck. “I know, I know…”

Lelouch moaned his acknowledgment of Suzaku's hushed assurances, his violet eyes glassy from the ardent attention. His pliant body almost melted into the mattress underneath Suzaku's, and his eyelids slipped shut in pure bliss as the brunet returned to sucking and sometimes gently nipping at the tip of his ear. “Oh, _Suzaku_!”

“You’re the best boyfriend ever,” Suzaku asserted, his tone poignant as he pressed loving kisses all over Lelouch's face, dropping light kisses on both closed eyelids as he went. “You’re always—oh, Lelouch!” he panted, arching his body further down into Lelouch's as the Britannian swept his hands teasingly up and down Suzaku's back, dipping too far once and brushing over the curve of his clothed rear end. Suzaku sighed with pleasure and found his voice. “You’re always thinking about my best interests.” It was the closest either of them had broached the subject from yesterday. Somehow, burying the awkward topic under kisses and touches was helping them reconnect. For the moment. “I love you, too,” Suzaku returned, pulling back to stare into Lelouch’s eyes with all the emotion he had in him.

Exhaling softly, Lelouch lifted a hand and cupped Suzaku's cheek. He gazed back just as intensely, slowly sweeping his thumb back and forth beneath the brunet’s forest green eye. “I want you to be okay,” he breathed. “I want _us_ to be okay.”

“We’re okay, Lelouch,” Suzaku promised, turning his head and planting a kiss in the middle of his boyfriend’s palm. “Let’s just…keep moving on, yeah?” he suggested. Instead of talking through their sides, he wanted to skip straight to forgive-and-forget—emphasis on forget. He ran his fingers through Lelouch's soft hair, lightly massaging his scalp.

The prince listlessly nodded his agreement, tilting his chin up in invitation. “Kiss me,” he urged.

“As you wish, Your Highness,” the soldier teased, complying expertly, and their argument became a little less important in the here and now.

-+-

“We’re going to host a talent show!” Milly revealed, spreading her arms wide. “Everyone will be invited to contribute. It will bring the whole student body together!”

Kallen looked relieved that it sounded relatively normal—for Milly—and Shirley was excited. Rivalz’s eyes were shining, and it was clear he was trying to decide how best to impress the blonde president. Nina looked up from her computer, smiled, and went back to typing. Suzaku grinned boyishly and leaned forward over the table. Lelouch yawned.

Milly almost skipped around the room as she laid out, “First, we need to set up the stage and arrange the room. Rivalz and Suzaku, I’m putting you on furniture-moving duty.” Both boys nodded. Milly continued, “Then we need to make all the food for the event. I think Lelouch is the best cook we have for that.” Lelouch sighed but didn’t protest. The president went right on organizing, “We need people in charge of advertising—flyers, announcements, school radio broadcasts, that sort of thing. I’ll be in charge of that. Shirley, Kallen, I’d like you to help.”

Without waiting for them to agree, Milly plunged on, “We’ll need someone to coordinate people’s entries and order any special equipment some of our participants might need. Nina, can you do that?” As the shy girl agreed, the boisterous president rolled on, “Then we need someone to take all the entries and devise a schedule, write up an event program detailing the students behind the acts, and draft a letter inviting families to attend. I think Lelouch can do all that. Lastly, we need to decide on judges. Naturally, I nominate Lelouch for head judge, too.”

At that, Lelouch sat up straight and stared at her. “What?” he asked incredulously. “Why do I have half the jobs? And why do I need to be head judge? Then I’ll have to sit through everyone’s entries!”

Suzaku carefully withheld a snort at his boyfriend’s ridiculous complaints. Rivalz guffawed. Kallen had a look of disgust on her face, most likely related to Lelouch’s depicted lazy attitude.

Shirley folded her arms across her chest, but before she could launch into her predictable speech about taking responsibilities more seriously, Milly wagged a finger at her vice president and explained, “You’ve missed a lot of meetings recently, Lelouch. Consider this the workload you’ve been skipping.”

Lelouch glared at the table.

Suzaku hid a wince. It was true that Lelouch was inexplicably missing or sleeping through more classes and Student Council meetings, but a lot of his time was secretly eaten up by Suzaku. Inwardly wincing, Suzaku couldn’t help but feel guilty; all the same, he couldn’t truly regret their ‘alone time.’ He _loved_ making out in their underwear on Lelouch’s bed.

“Alternatively,” Milly said slyly, “you could participate in the talent show yourself.”

Suzaku’s attention jerked back to the present, and he hoped his face wasn’t as red as it felt. Maybe the Student Council meeting wasn’t the best place to daydream about licking Lelouch’s nipples…

Shirley tilted her head and leaned in. “Oh, Lelou, what would you do if you entered?”

Lelouch drummed his fingers on the table. He sighed, “Probably play the piano.”

Milly clapped. “Wonderful!”

Suzaku blinked and turned to Lelouch with a shocked expression. “You play?” he asked admiringly. How could he not have known that about his boyfriend? He thought he knew Lelouch inside and out, but Suzaku was excited to discover that there were still things to learn.

Boredly, Lelouch nodded. “I started lessons when I was small,” he said. “I haven’t kept up with it in a while, though.”

Suzaku smiled, proud of his boyfriend’s talent. It took patience and skill to play the piano. “I’m sure you’ll sound great,” he reassured, trying to keep his voice on the right side of friendly.

“I’m rusty,” Lelouch repeated. “Still, I’ll play for the talent show if that’s what it takes to get out of judging.”

Everyone on the Council cheered, making Lelouch groan at the attention.

(Later that afternoon, as Suzaku acted out his fantasy, Lelouch whined in a high octave and promised to play him something special.)

-+-

Suzaku blinked open his eyes and stared blearily around. He was disoriented for a moment before his brain kicked into gear and he recognized Lelouch’s bedroom. Sighing deeply, he pressed his face back into the pillow and inhaled his boyfriend’s unique scent. Nothing could relax him as much as feeling surrounded by Lelouch, and the Britannian’s bed had become a safe spot as well as an adventure zone. Slowly peeking out at the dim-lit room, he noticed Lelouch sitting at his desk. Sewing. Suzaku must’ve let loose a startled noise at the observation because Lelouch glanced up, his gaze soft as it met his own.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Lelouch teased. “Or should I say, good night? It’s about time to settle down.” His fingers deftly pulled the needle and thread through some pieces of patterned fabric, even as his eyes never left Suzaku’s.

Blinking again, Suzaku unsuccessfully tried to swallow a yawn. “How long was I out?” he asked, his voice almost slurring with sleep.

Lelouch cocked his head to the side as he thought back. “Maybe around five hours,” he said with a minute shrug. “You seemed like you needed the rest.”

Suzaku nodded sleepily, still halfway out of it. “Yeah,” he mumbled, remembering now what had happened. For the first time, he’d fallen asleep in class; luckily, it had been at the end of the day. A concerned Lelouch had firmly guided him to the Lamperouge suite and tucked him into bed, sternly ordering him not to worry about anything for once. Suzaku had fallen back asleep before Lelouch could even finish talking, and he’d slept like a rock until now. The military was taking more out of him ever since Zero and the Black Knights had started being increasingly active, but he wasn’t going to burden Lelouch with his mundane work woes. Besides, Suzaku thought that Zero didn’t have a place in his relationship with Lelouch. Work was for Zero and terrorism, Knightmare piloting, and redemption for his past sins; Lelouch was for love, friendship, and kisses. “I guess trying to keep up with school and the military is even more tiring than I realized,” Suzaku fathomed around another huge yawn.

“You push yourself too hard,” Lelouch said fondly. “At least I can catch you if you fall here at school.” Looking down at his sewing and then back at Suzaku, Lelouch suggested, “You’re already here, so you might as well stay the night. I’ll reheat you some dinner if you’re hungry.”

Smiling sappily, Suzaku shook his head and burrowed under the covers. “Too tired,” he explained. “I’ll eat t’morrow.”

Smirking, Lelouch verified, “But you’re spending the night?”

Suzaku nodded. “Can’t get rid of me,” he joked.

“I’ll never want to get rid of you,” Lelouch said, his tone open and honest. “I love having you here. I love having you _in my bed_.”

With a tinge of pink in his cheeks, Suzaku protested, “Lelouch!”

Shrugging again, his smirk growing, Lelouch turned his attention back to his sewing project. “I like not having to send you off at the end of the day,” he remarked casually, the word ‘home’ pointedly missing. “Have you given any more thought to moving in fully?”

Suzaku squirmed. “Uh, not yet,” he said. “I kinda don’t…Lelouch, I mean, it’s a little soon for that step, isn’t it? I don’t want to go too fast and lose you, remember?”

“You won’t,” Lelouch said, yet again. “But if you’re not comfortable with the idea, then let’s wait.” He was obviously focused very hard on his tiny stitches.

Swallowing, Suzaku put forth, “I want to give it a little more time, Lelouch. Just to be sure it’s the right thing for us.” A part of him desperately wanted to spend every night in Lelouch's bed, but Suzaku knew rooming at the university was more convenient for his secret Knightmare piloting. Hiding the truth of his job would be harder if he couldn’t retreat to his own space, and as much as he loved Lelouch, Suzaku also valued his alone time; he was sure the reserved Britannian prince cherished his even more. “I’ll still spend the night occasionally,” he offered, trying to compromise.

Lelouch looked up again with a warm smile. “Any time,” he invited.

“Are you going to join me now?” Suzaku murmured, just a hint of seduction in his tone.

Lelouch blushed and for the first time, his fingers faltered with the needle. “In a moment,” he answered. “Let me finish this seam.”

With a slightly puzzled expression, Suzaku wondered, “What are you doing anyway? Madame President is in charge of getting costumes ready for the next event.”

“Oh, this isn’t for the Student Council,” Lelouch clarified, his blush darkening a tad. His eyes flit to Suzaku’s and back down. “I’m just sewing myself a new shirt. It’s…sort of a hobby.”

A look of amazement crossed Suzaku's face. “You make your own clothes?” he breathed, impressed.

Lelouch nodded. “Sometimes,” he mumbled.

“That’s so cool!”

Lelouch jerked his head up. “What?”

“That’s awesome, Lelouch,” Suzaku gushed. “I didn’t know you were so talented at that. I mean, Milly said you sometimes fixed some tears in cosplay costumes, but to sew your own clothes by hand… That’s really something else!” His proud grin covered his entire face.

Lelouch cocked his head again. “It doesn’t bother you?” he asked, a little hesitantly. “I mean, Suzaku, it’s not exactly a manly hobby when looking at societal gender norms. Not to mention my cooking and cleaning…” While most of the time Lelouch didn’t care for such conventions, clearly he sometimes worried about the portrayal of his masculinity; it might have had something to do with how Milly constantly tried to force him to cross-dress for her own perverse pleasure.

Snorting, Suzaku rolled his eyes as he dismissed his boyfriend’s worry. “Please, Lelouch,” he said, “I think we both go against the norm in everything we do anyway. You’re a Britannian guy kissing an Eleven guy on a regular basis, aren’t you?”

“No,” Lelouch countered confidently, his lip twitching. “I’m a Britannian guy kissing a _Japanese_ guy.”

Suzaku inhaled sharply at the significant change. “Lelouch,” he said, his voice full of adoration. Taking another deep breath, he insisted, “I love you for you. If sewing makes you happy, then I want you to sew, dammit.” He gave his Britannian boyfriend a thumbs-up from beneath the covers.

Chuckling, Lelouch visibly relaxed in his chair. “Thank you, Suzaku. I’m glad you don’t think less of me.”

“I think _more_ of you,” Suzaku pointed out, his green eyes dancing in the low lamplight.

Lelouch’s expression softened further. “Suzaku,” he breathed happily. Shaking himself out of it, he promised, “I’ll sew you an outfit one day.”

Suzaku beamed, completely supportive, and enthused, “I can’t wait, Lelouch.”

-+-

Two days later, Lelouch found on his bed a swatch of royal purple fabric and a set of purple and yellow threads in various shades. On top was a large post-it note (which was destined to go straight to his “Suzaku Box” under the floorboards) which read: _Saw these and they reminded me of you. I know you can make something spectacular out of them._

-+-

The day after, Lelouch played a stirring original piano composition for his enraptured audience of one.

-+-

“You missed today and yesterday,” Suzaku noticed, staring at Lelouch with an anxious frown. “Is everything okay?”

Lelouch stepped aside to let him inside the Lamperouge suite proper. He was silent for a couple moments, considering. “I just feel a little under the weather,” he mentioned at last, mustering up a weak smile for Suzaku's benefit. “I’ll be fine in no time.” _I can’t tell him that I was out being Zero._

Green eyes narrowed in determination, unquestioning and blindly trusting. “You’re feeling sick? Let me help you!”

Lelouch took a hasty step back. “It’s okay, Suzaku,” he said hastily. “I don’t need help.” _I really, really don’t._

Suzaku’s frown deepened, worry lines creasing his forehead. “I know how you are,” he reminded Lelouch, taking a step closer. “I know you don’t like accepting help because it makes you feel weak.” He took another step closer, resting the back of his hand against Lelouch’s fever-free forehead. “I know you like to do things on your own. But I’m your boyfriend, and you should let me help you in your time of need.”

Lelouch blinked, literally backed up against a wall. “Suzaku…”

“You don’t feel feverish,” Suzaku noted, “but that doesn’t always mean anything. How are you feeling sick?”

 _I’m not. I just lied to you._ “My throat hurts,” Lelouch mumbled, closing his eyes to hide the truth. It was better at this point to just play along, see his lie through to the end.

Suzaku nodded and wrapped an arm around Lelouch's frame for support. “I’ve got you,” he cooed. “Let me put you to bed. Then I’ll make you some hot tea. Or do you want soup?” He started steering Lelouch towards his bedroom, then made him wait a minute while Suzaku fluffed the pillows just right.

Quickly, while he was busy, Lelouch stowed his personal gun in the dresser drawer. _I really need to get in the habit of putting away all of Zero’s props as soon as I get home from the Black Knights_ , he resolved. _I can’t have Suzaku finding a gun on me when he undresses me._ The thought made his cheeks burn. Lelouch opened and closed his mouth a few times, which Suzaku apparently took to mean that his throat suddenly hurt too much to talk.

“It’s okay, Lelouch, you don’t need to say anything,” Suzaku assured him, gathering Lelouch's sleep clothes and tucking him into bed once he was ready. Lelouch let himself be guided through the motions, raising an eyebrow at Suzaku all the while. Smiling  lightly down at him, Suzaku dropped a kiss on Lelouch's forehead. “I’ll be back soon with that tea and some medicine,” he promised. “If you need to sleep, then go ahead. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Burrowing into the covers, Lelouch trained his eyes on the soldier’s retreating form. He heard Suzaku’s muffled curses from the kitchen as he fought with the teapot, somehow losing. Lelouch rolled his eyes and shifted in bed, trying to get comfortable as he prepared himself to play the role of sick boyfriend. _I can’t believe he fell for it. Really, Suzaku can be so gullible at times. Sweet, but gullible_.

“Oh, Nunnally!” Suzaku’s voice echoed from the hallway, earning Lelouch's attention again. “Lelouch is a little sick, so I’m gonna stick around and help him feel better. Let’s try to keep it down for him.” There was a loud whistle from the kitchen, making Suzaku freak out because the noise ‘might disturb Lelouch.’ “Sayoko,” Suzaku asked then, a bit frantically, “where do you keep your medicine for sore throats?”

A few minutes later, Suzaku burst back into Lelouch’s bedroom, trying to balance a tray of tea, medicine, a glass of salt water, cough drops, and a wet washcloth. Lelouch felt the corners of his mouth turn up at the sight despite himself. _He really is too precious._ Arthur followed Suzaku into the room, hopped onto the bed, and padded over to sniff Lelouch's face. He meowed before curling into Lelouch’s neck, his black tail flicking. Lelouch smiled and rested his fingers lightly on the cat’s back, thinking, _I’m glad Arthur can’t talk or he’d tell Suzaku the truth. Cats always know. Then again, maybe Suzaku would be too busy trying to escape Arthur’s teeth to pay much attention to my lie._

“Here you go,” Suzaku said in a sing-song. “Let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you. How are you feeling?” He set the tray down on the dresser by the bed and leaned over the fallen prince, resting his fingers on pale cheeks.

Lelouch felt himself flush at the contact. He sighed as a light, bubbly feeling swelled up in his chest. “Better,” he said truthfully, “now that you’re here.” _I can’t stay upset when Suzaku cares about me so much, even if this is all annoyingly unnecessary._

Suzaku blushed and smiled, green eyes twinkling with affection. “You’ll feel even better once you take some of this,” he said, swishing the contents of the medicine bottle.

“You’re all the medicine I need,” Lelouch interjected, playing along. _Suzaku is so enthusiastic. It’s adorable._ Eyes glazing over, he lifted his chin meaningfully and told Suzaku, “Kiss me.”

Suzaku shook his head with regret. “You’re sick,” he reminded Lelouch. “I can’t kiss you since you might be contagious, but I will stay with you and help you get better.” He affectionately brushed black bangs off of the older boy's forehead.

Lelouch groaned in disappointment. _Figures. Next time, I should just tell him I broke a bone. At least then I could get something out of it._

“I love you.”

 _Okay_ , Lelouch realized, heart melting at the ‘more than kisses’ he was privy to, _this is definitely more than enough._

-+-

Lelouch skipped out on the talent show after all, despite his speedy recovery, and Suzaku wondered just where the hell his boyfriend was hiding.

-+-

It had been about five and a half days since he’d seen Lelouch, and Suzaku was about ready to pull out his hair in frustration. He’d been kept from school due to military operations, particularly because Zero had been on the move. The masked terrorist had been extra busy issuing out his brand of ‘justice,’ targeting all sorts of corrupt individuals, both Britannian and Japanese alike. Most times, Suzaku arrived in time to help with the clean-up, but there were those few occasions where he’d been able to let loose his piloting skills to engage the Black Knights in the middle of their plans. Suzaku felt his chest tighten at the remembrance of all those strung-up corpses, displayed as a warning against the abuse of power.

As soon as Suzaku made it back to Ashford Academy, he immediately searched for his boyfriend. His blood pounded when he finally caught sight of Lelouch, especially because the Britannian prince looked as haggard from their separation as Suzaku felt. Just as they retreated to a private niche and began to reach for each other, the deputy headmistress tracked them down and gave them detention for missing so many classes. She marched them to her office, lectured them for half an hour (mostly about how they were barely skating by enough to advance to the next grade), and then got called away to handle other disciplinary problems. “Don’t leave,” she ordered before attending to her duties, and Suzaku was determined to abide by authority’s rules.

Lelouch yawned and leaned back in his chair. “We’re not even being supervised,” he complained, waving a hand about lazily. “We could _easily_ ditch this detention.”

“No, Lelouch,” Suzaku argued, voice tight. “She told us to stay.” He shifted a bit in his seat. “Besides,” he said, “we kinda…we kinda deserve this.” Punishment had been too long in coming concerning their skipped classes—he really should have had better self-restraint than to give in to Lelouch’s near- _constant_ summons to make out on the roof during classtime—and the current school year was about to end. It was time to reap what they’d sown. His eyes met Lelouch’s for a second before he looked away, staring too hard at all the books on the other side of the room. His nerves buzzed from their proximity after so many days apart, and he didn’t trust himself not to jump his attractive boyfriend.

Lelouch raised an eyebrow. “…Fine,” he acquiesced. He got up and stretched, offering a reassuring smile in response to his boyfriend’s reactionary frown. “Relax, Suzaku,” he soothed. “I’m not going anywhere.” That said, he stepped purposefully over to Suzaku and leaned over him, pale hands moving to clutch his chair and cage him in. Suzaku’s breath caught as he looked up at his prince, and Lelouch lowered himself slightly for a kiss.

Suzaku’s eyelids fluttered shut in contentment before he caught himself. Gasping, he jerked his head away, banging it against the back of his chair. Wincing, he glared at his boyfriend. “ _Lelouch!_ This isn’t the time for that.” _But as soon as I get you alone…_

“Would you rather just sit here?” Lelouch prodded.

Suzaku worried at his lip. “She…she could come back at any moment.”

Lelouch chuckled. “She’s dealing with Synclair Worth. She’ll be awhile.”

Temptation burned Suzaku’s insides, and the built-up need from their separation made him reckless. Before he realized what he was doing, he was reaching for Lelouch. “Come here, then,” he said, and Lelouch surprised him by climbing right into his lap. They both let out low moans as Lelouch settled his hips over Suzaku’s before kissing him again, and Suzaku turned his neck, giving Lelouch better access. His hands moved to clutch the older boy’s uniform. Lelouch held onto the chair with his right hand, but his left moved to its customary place on the soldier’s lower right back. Humming into his boyfriend’s mouth, Lelouch rolled his hips and pressed his clothed cock deliberately against Suzaku’s, making him cry out. Tan hands held tighter to black fabric as Lelouch did it again.

“This okay?” Lelouch rasped, rocking against him with a more frenzied pace. The chair wobbled beneath them from their movements.

Suzaku tried to focus, but it was too difficult with his boyfriend’s awakening erection rutting snugly against his own. This was their first time attempting something below the belt, and he was so desperate for it that he barely cared that they were in a school office. He’d care later. “God, yes,” he groaned, lifting his hips up to meet Lelouch’s thrusts.

“Kami-sama, hai,” Lelouch corrected, tugging harshly at brown curls.

Eyes tearing up from the overwhelming sensations, Suzaku only nodded. “That a turn-on for you?” he asked, trying to tease but so frantic for friction that his voice came out breathy. “When I…ah…speak Japanese?”

Lelouch’s lips curved into a smirk as he wrenched open his boyfriend’s uniform and kissed down his neck. “When you…oohhh…let yourself go and…be true to your roots…yessss…”

Their hips thudded together as best their position allowed; frustrated, Suzaku had half a mind to lay Lelouch on the administrator’s desk and continue dry-humping under more favorable conditions. Without thinking it through, he stood up with an armful of Britannian prince and moaned when Lelouch’s legs automatically wrapped tight around his waist. The inherent trust in that reaction wasn’t lost on Suzaku despite the fogginess of his mind. He felt dizzy at the overwhelming feelings, and he swayed and sat back in his chair to keep them both from falling; Lelouch only barely saved his legs from being crushed. Suzaku yanked Lelouch's mouth back to his, and somewhere behind the roar in his ears, he heard footsteps clacking down the hall. Lelouch abruptly tore himself off Suzaku’s lap, gasping for air, and sat on his own chair. He crossed his legs and covered himself with his backpack, motioning for Suzaku to do the same. Suzaku mindlessly followed the suggestion, hardly registering why until the deputy headmistress re-entered the room.

She cast one long, scrutinizing look at their flushed faces, rumpled clothes, and messy hair.

Having crashed to Earth, Suzaku sank a little further in his seat, unable to meet her eyes. _We’re dead. There goes our future._ He held his backpack tightly over his hard-on, watching Lelouch do the same out the corner of his eye. _What’s wrong with me?_ _Why did I let us…?_

“I can explain,” Lelouch managed with a gracious smile, despite his unusually unkempt appearance. He waved his boyfriend towards the door. “Suzaku, could you please wait outside? I think this might go better with only one of us in here.”

While that might have been true—seeing them together was only a reminder of the whole sordid affair—Suzaku opened his mouth to protest. They were both to blame for getting carried away.

“Please, Suzaku,” Lelouch said before he could object, and Suzaku stopped. Lelouch _never_ said ‘please.’

Sighing, Suzaku glanced at the stony face of the school administrator and scuttled out the door. She didn’t try to stop him, probably still too in shock at what she’d walked in on, and Suzaku heaved a sigh as he waited outside the door. _Lelouch is great with words, but how can he wriggle us out of **this** one?_

A couple minutes later, Lelouch sauntered out with a smile and declared, “Trust me, she’s agreed to forget all about it.”

Suzaku blinked. “How did you manage that?” he wondered.

Lelouch’s only answer was to touch his fingers to below his left eye and laugh.

-+-

“Don’t worry, Lelouch,” Milly cheered. “I saved the _perfect_ costume for you!” She pulled something stretchy and lacy from a cardboard box and slid it across the table to a mortified-looking Lelouch. “I made sure to get it in your size.”

Coaching himself to breathe through his nose, Lelouch stared at her, completely deadpan. “Is this a dress?” he growled, aghast. He knew Milly meant well, but she had a habit of pushing him too far in some of her outlandish plans. The cat chase came to mind, as well as the scheduled cross-dressing festival that he had very specifically vetoed. “No,” he swore. _How many times do we have to go through this?_ “I refuse.”

Rivalz sent him a sympathetic glance but dared not contradict his crush’s plans. Arthur leapt up and started pawing at the material, and Lelouch hoped the cat would slice it into ribbons—though he knew Milly would still insist that he wear it.

Tutting, Milly said, “Yes, yes, Lelouch. You’re the only one who can pull it off. You have all summer to get used to the idea because this is going to be part of the Open House event next year. I already promised the drama club.”

Violet eyes flashed with ire. “Perhaps you should have checked before making promises you can’t keep.”

Milly winced. “Ouch, Lelouch. That was uncalled for, don’t you think?” She sent him a pleading look, to which he only turned away.

Suzaku tilted his head, eyes bouncing between Milly and his boyfriend. “Madame President,” he piped up, catching her attention. “Lelouch and I are around the same size. He’s only about an inch taller than me. So if you want, I can take his place?” He looked between them again. “Everyone wins.”

Lelouch swirled around and gaped at him, disbelief and gratitude warring in his expression. “Suzaku,” he said. _You’d really do that for me?_ He wanted to jump Suzaku and slip him the tongue, but he couldn’t with their current audience. It hurt to hide from their friends, as if their love was somehow shameful, but the risks were too great to come out. Just like with his royal identity, Lelouch knew the danger increased the more people knew. He trusted his friends not to judge them (aside from friendly ribbing) but they could easily slip up, and other people weren’t as tolerant.  He caught sight of Synclair Worth and his gang riding by the windows on horseback, as if to prove his point.

Milly raised an eyebrow. “ _Thank_ you, Suzaku! It’s great to see _someone_ commit to school functions. _You_ obviously understand how to be a team player.”

Squirming, Suzaku raised his palms up in a placating gesture. “Come on, Madame President,” he cajoled. “Lelouch does a lot for the Council. He just doesn’t want to be forced to cross-dress.” He sent an easygoing smile in the prince’s direction. “You can’t blame him for that.”

“Sure I can!” Milly said. “But since he won’t cooperate, I suppose I’ll have to go with you. You might be the same height, but you have completely different body structures. I’ll have to do some fitting…”

Lelouch heaved a sigh. “I can do that part.” _You’re not running your hands all over my boyfriend to get his measurements._   Grimacing, he reluctantly rescued the dress from the black cat’s claws.

Milly jutted her hip to the side, staring at her favorite Council member with narrowed eyes. “Oh, so now you want to get involved?”

Lelouch narrowed his eyes right back at her. “I won’t be the humiliated one wearing the dress. It’s different.”

“All right, all right,” Rivalz cut in with a nervous little laugh. “No need to get testy. Suzaku already promised to take care of it.”

Reminded of that, Lelouch turned to his saviour. “Suzaku, are you sure?” He leaned back in his chair, expression thoughtful. _Rescuing me from Milly’s schemes?_ _How romantic._  Lelouch's eyes flitted to the soldier’s lower back, where he knew lay the scar tissue that forever proved Suzaku’s loyalty to him. His gaze moved to the dress, and he shook his head, clamping down on a smile. _Always taking bullets for me._

Suzaku only shrugged, still wearing a shaky grin. “There are worse things, Lelouch.”

Sighing, Lelouch caught sight of Worth and his friends making their way back around. _Yes, Suzaku, yes there are_. His hand fisted beneath the table as one of Worth’s followers, Anthony Bristol, looked through the window at the Japanese boy and made a punching motion. _And I will make all this up to you, and more, in the new world I’ll build._

-+-

“Give me your foot.”

Lelouch looked up from his rebellion recruitment plans, startled at the gentle order. Sayoko and Nunnally were just outside on the veranda, and he hoped his boyfriend didn’t have anything _dirty_ in mind. Did Suzaku have a foot fetish he needed to know about? It hadn’t cropped up in any of the data yet, but sometimes— He coughed and shifted on _their_ couch, forcing himself to redirect his attention. “What?”

Laughing, Suzaku made a 'come on' gesture before holding out his hands. “You’re looking really stressed there, Lelouch,” he noticed, an empathetic look gracing his eyes. “I’ll give you a foot massage. I’ve heard they work wonders.” Cracking a confident grin, he flexed his fingers and nodded with his chin to Lelouch's shoes. In a teasing tone, Suzaku bribed, “If you’re a good boyfriend, I might even rub _both_ your feet.”

A slight blush bloomed on Lelouch's pale cheeks as he processed the offer and came to a decision. Mechanically, he stood up and promised in a rush, “I’ll be right back.” Leaving Suzaku in the empty sitting room, Lelouch hurried to the bathroom, slipped off his shoes, rolled up his school pants, and washed his feet three times each for good measure before toweling them off. If his considerate boyfriend was going to give him a foot massage, then dammit, he was going to be as clean as possible. Suzaku shouldn’t have to deal with smelly, sweaty feet. Not that the overly-hygienic teen had reeking feet in the first place, but he needed to start off with a clean slate. For his own perfectionistic sake.

Upon returning to Suzaku, Lelouch flopped down on the couch and rested a bare, damp foot in his boyfriend’s lap. “I’m ready,” he announced, leaning his head back on the armrest and closing his eyes.

“Did you…seriously just go clean your feet in the bathtub?” Suzaku wondered, his voice incredulous.

With a slight frown, Lelouch defended himself. “Of course. Isn’t that the respectful thing to do?”

Suzaku chuckled and positioned the prince’s foot better in his lap, starting to press in on some pressure points. “You didn’t have to go through all the trouble,” he said softly. “I would’ve massaged your feet no matter what.” He squeezed and rubbed the sole of the stressed boy’s foot before lightly twisting each long toe between his fingers.

“O-oh,” Lelouch gasped, his leg jerking at the sensations. “That….”

“Hurts?” the soldier asked worriedly. “Sometimes the muscles tighten up and it hurts before it gets better when they loosen.” He started massaging more gently, ever mindful of the prince’s comfort.

Moaning softly, Lelouch sighed and relaxed back into the couch cushions. “Maybe a little,” he said, “but it feels good. Don’t stop.” He pressed his foot further into his boyfriend’s grasp. While he’d never received or even thought about foot massages before, suddenly he was extremely grateful that this was happening. Suzaku’s fingers on him were magical.

“There we go,” Suzaku said, kneading his fingers along pale skin. “I can already feel you relaxing.” Devotedly, he worked Lelouch's tense foot as they both lost track of time, interspersing the actual massage with loving strokes and caresses. Moving his attention up a bit, he started rubbing around Lelouch's ankle. “Does it still feel good?”

Lelouch managed a nod in his dazed and blissed-out state. “Yes. Keep going.”

Snorting lightly, sounding pleased with himself, Suzaku gingerly placed Lelouch’s foot back in his lap and picked up the other one. “I can do this one, too,” he offered, already starting to massage it.

Smirking, still with his eyes closed, Lelouch supposed, “I must’ve been a good boyfriend after all to deserve such special treatment.”

“Yeah, Lelouch,” Suzaku answered warmly, his fingers never ceasing their calming ministrations. “You’re _always_ a good boyfriend.”

-+-

After Lelouch gleaned the brunet’s measurements for the purpose of tailoring Milly’s dress, he took the opportunity to start sewing Suzaku a traditional Japanese kimono.

-+-

Suzaku frowned and pretended not to notice that Lelouch took his third strange phone call of the night, leaving him alone to finish the dishes.  He painstakingly ignored that Lelouch was mysteriously unavailable for the following four days afterwards.

-+-

It was hard to stay annoyed at Lelouch when he pulled out all the stops like this.

“Do you like it?” Lelouch asked, gesturing to the picnic basket and fishing rods on the bank of the river.  It was July 10th, Suzaku’s seventeenth birthday, and they were at the Kururugi Shrine and making a day of revisiting their old haunts—or at least as much as remained of the grounds from before the war. Lelouch seemed determined to make out with Suzaku at all of their memorable stomping grounds, from the severely dilapidated Kururugi storehouse where the vi Britannia siblings had lived to Suzaku’s old secret base where they’d first started to transition from enemies to friends. (And Suzaku had breathed the same words he’d uttered at that very spot so many years ago: _You’re amazing_.) Now they’d cut through the trees to the river where, as children, Suzaku had first taught Lelouch how to fish and swim.

Suzaku nodded happily, taking it all in with glowing eyes. “It’s perfect,” he praised. He couldn’t remember a better birthday celebration. Not even Tohdoh-sensei, let alone his father, had put so much thought or effort into planning something so meaningful for his special day. “Are you really gonna go fishing with me?” he asked, sounding hopeful, yet skeptical.

Lelouch groaned but nodded. “I did it for you when we were boys. I’ll do it for you now.”

“Geez, don’t sound too excited there,” Suzaku joked with an eye-roll, earning himself a kiss.

Pulling back, Lelouch offered with a sultry smirk, “Or we could just keep doing this.” He pressed his mouth to Suzaku’s a little harder.

Suzaku moaned and gave in for a moment before lightly pushing Lelouch away. “I get to kiss you all the time,” he laughed. “We don’t always get to go fishing. Points for effort, though, Lelouch.” _He really is crafty, that boyfriend of mine._

“You can’t blame me for trying,” Lelouch remarked with a disappointed sigh. He begrudgingly picked up a fishing rod.

Snickering, Suzaku reminded him, “Don’t get tangled up in the line this time, all right?”

Nostrils flaring, Lelouch protested, “I’m not ten anymore!”

Suzaku shrugged exaggeratedly with a playful grin, as if his boyfriend’s point was invalid. With an innocent whistle but dancing eyes, he noticed, “You forgot to put the bait on.”

“I didn’t forget,” Lelouch said hurriedly, an embarrassed look crossing his face. “I was testing you. Making sure you were paying attention. You passed. Good job, Suzaku.”

Rolling his eyes again, Suzaku snorted, “Riiight.” He gently took the fishing rod from his outdoors-inept boyfriend and prepared it with a confident, “Let me.” It felt satisfying to be the one giving the help for a change; he worried that he was always pestering Lelouch nowadays for tutoring, particularly for the extra summer school work he had to complete in order to qualify for the next grade. Of course he usually ended up on his back afterwards, but that was beside the point.

Lelouch huffed and crossed his arms, but allowed Suzaku to string up the bait and get everything ready. Taking it back, he determinedly tossed the hook into the water and sat there patiently, purple eyes narrowed in concentration.

“It means a lot,” Suzaku said with a sideways glance at his boyfriend, plopping down beside him. Lelouch tilted his head to show he was listening, but never took his eyes off the river. Clearing his throat as he threw out his own line, Suzaku continued, “That you’d set all this up and actually go fishing with me. I know it’s not your favorite thing to do.”

With a halfhearted shrug, Lelouch countered, “You play chess with me.”

“I’m barely a challenge,” Suzaku pointed out with a laugh.

Lelouch finally turned to look at him, one eyebrow arched. “And my lackluster fishing skills impress _you_?”

“Well, no,” Suzaku responded after a short pause, deciding honesty was the best policy here. “But I _am_ impressed that you’re here and not even complaining!”

“How could I complain?” Lelouch asked, partly indignant. “My objective now has been achieved.”

Suzaku raised his eyebrow, mirroring Lelouch. “Oh, your _objective_?” he fished teasingly. _Always some ulterior motive, huh Lelouch?_

Smirking, Lelouch elaborated, “You’re happy. That’s all I wanted.”

 _Oh!_ Suzaku’s eyes took on that emotional shimmer again. “Lelouch…” A soft breeze rolled by, cooling his heated cheeks and sweeping away any last traces of irritation about Lelouch’s secretive phone calls. Without any bite, Suzaku tried to clear the air with, “You always make me happy. I just don’t like being in the dark about what you’re up to.” When he was unaware of what was happening, his mind jumped to all sorts of shadowy possibilities that he just couldn’t make himself entertain.

“I get it,” Lelouch answered, his voice carefully neutral as he stared out over the river. After a moment of contemplation, he added, “I wish I could shed some light on the situation for you, Suzaku, but that’s just not possible at the moment.”

Frowning lightly, Suzaku reeled in an empty fishing line. “Not at the moment?” he repeated. “So when _can_ you clue me in?”

With a practiced shrug, Lelouch shared, “After I reach a few more key goals.” It was still vague, but it was the most he’d promised on the subject to date. He sighed, finally turning to look at Suzaku, and claimed, “It has nothing to do with you, okay? You don’t need to worry.”

“I worry about _you_!”

Lelouch's smirk gentled into a true smile. “Trust me, Suzaku,” he said lowly, “I can handle myself.” He leaned in and pressed his shoulder against Suzaku's, making the fishing line go wide as the brunet tossed it back in. Clearing his throat, Lelouch suggested lightly, “Stop letting this hang over us. When you dwell on my secrets, you miss the fun we’re having in the moment. I want you to have a magnificent birthday.”

Suzaku took a deep breath, then let it out. _He’s trying to redirect me again_. Even so, Lelouch had a point. Suzaku didn’t want to spoil their momentous trip to the Kururugi Shrine with persistent grudges and worries. Besides, Lelouch had just said that he’d fill Suzaku in at some point, and that concession was better than nothing. _And_ the enigmatic prince had gone out of his way to wow Suzaku with a personally meaningful day-long birthday date; it was doing the trick of turning Suzaku's insides to mush.

Finally forcing the phone calls from his mind, Suzaku agreed, “You’re right, Lelouch. Let’s just forget it and move on.” He beamed at the older boy, replaying in his mind the prince’s confession from a few moments ago: _You’re happy. That’s all I wanted_. Despite any secrets, Suzaku did believe that Lelouch's words were at the core of their relationship. He could _feel_ it, and Suzaku's swelling burst of love and gratitude for Lelouch pushed away all his resentment and fear. With a wide, open grin, the brunet said, “I want to enjoy today with you.”

 Lelouch’s smile mirrored his own—heartfelt and genuine, an expression so rare on his normally guarded face, except in Suzaku’s presence—and he continued indulging Suzaku with his childhood hobby. They ate their picnic lunch and chatted about everything under the July sun while they waited for the fish to bite. The open country air between them felt less tense now that they’d semi-addressed the problem between them, and their close conversations reflected none of the negativity that might have popped up between them had they not talked things through and decided on a course of action together. Lelouch didn’t catch anything and, in the end, he _did_ get tangled up in the line.

Suzaku fell back on the grass laughing, but dutifully went to work freeing Lelouch from the fishing wire. _I wish I had a camera! But then, Lelouch only lets himself be seen less-than-perfect around me. I’ll just have to cherish this memory_. “I warned you,” he quipped with a grin. His eyes were shining with mirth.

“I suppose,” Lelouch grumbled good-naturedly. He scooted back from the mess of line once free, avoiding Suzaku’s plentiful catch on the bank, and asked, “What now? Do you want to go see your old house?”

Immediately, Suzaku’s face pinched. “N-no!” he almost yelped. _I can’t go back there._ He knew his father’s body was long gone from the study, but he’d _feel_ it there. Panic made his heart race. Taking a deep breath, he tried again, “I’d rather stay outside. You know I love the outside! Since we’re already here, let’s go swimming.” He offered a big smile, trying to ignore the sweat sliding down the back of his neck.

Lelouch eyed him suspiciously but peeled off his shirt nonetheless.

Suzaku felt his breath catch, and he stared, mesmerized, as his stunning boyfriend stripped out in the open. He always loved seeing sunlight slant across Lelouch’s skin directly like this; he wanted to kiss everywhere the light touched and then venture into the shadowy places. He licked his lips and only came back to himself when Lelouch lightly pushed his shoulder.

“Are you going swimming in your clothes?” Lelouch asked amusedly. He’d finished meticulously folding his clothes while Suzaku was lost in fantasies.

Quickly, Suzaku shook his head and tore off his civvies in record time. He kept his boxers on, remembering his boyfriend’s boundaries (no birthday suits on his birthday), and took off for the river. Lelouch joined him shortly, wearing only his black briefs, and Suzaku grabbed his hand and pulled him deeper into the current.

“H-hey, watch it!” Lelouch ordered, moving to wrap his arms tightly around Suzaku's shoulders. “This water’s moving kinda fast.”

Grinning, Suzaku hugged him closer. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you.” He didn’t seemed phased by the rushing water, having swum in this river for most of his childhood. _This is home_. Even the memory of slicing himself on some rocks as a child didn’t shake his aplomb.

Lelouch relaxed slightly, bracing his body against Suzaku’s so he didn’t get swept away. “Show off,” he groused.

“Maybe,” Suzaku agreed readily. He leaned in for a kiss, and was pleasantly surprised when Lelouch wrapped those long, pale legs around his hips under the water as he eagerly returned it. _God, yes, I love it when he does that_. He moaned wantonly as Lelouch tightened all four limbs around him, securely attaching them together in the wild river. The sun sailed across the sky as they got swept up in each other, kissing and touching and moving against one another with increasing ardor that even the cold river water couldn’t quench. Suzaku finally tore his lips free with a shuddering breath and prompted, “We should probably get _some_ swimming done, since we’re here.”

“This is your trip,” Lelouch reminded him, panting heavily. His hair was as tangled as his fishing line after being subjected to Suzaku’s hands, and his lips were red, swollen, and tempting as ever. “Just…make it up to me later.”

Suzaku bobbed his head, pulse racing. “Gladly.” They separated reluctantly, Lelouch moving closer to the bank where the current wasn’t as strong. Suzaku smiled and fell back in the water, losing himself in the river as if the war and all the years since had never happened. He felt free and comfortable in his own skin for the first time in too long, and that was thanks to Lelouch. As always.

Eventually, Suzaku followed his boyfriend out of the water and plopped down on the grass, letting the afternoon sun and air dry his skin. Grabbing hold of Lelouch’s hand, Suzaku said warmly, “Thank you, Lelouch.” Hidden from civilization, he didn’t feel the pressure of being an Eleven amidst Britannians; way out here, he and Lelouch were removed from those senseless societal doctrines. Expression relaxing further, Suzaku added, “This whole day just brings me back.”

Lelouch clasped his hand tightly. “That whole summer with you was one of the best times of my life. The only thing I can compare it to is having you with me again.”

Heart thumping, Suzaku caught Lelouch’s eye and moved in slowly for a kiss. He teased Lelouch with his lips before nibbling softly down Lelouch's jawline, running his free hand suggestively up the prince’s wet chest. Lelouch raked his fingers up Suzaku's neck and through his bedraggled hair, lightly scratching his scalp and making Suzaku shiver as he hovered above him. Sighing blissfully, Lelouch slanted his head down and redirected his boyfriend’s attention to his lips. Suzaku smiled against them and squeezed Lelouch’s hand as he dipped his tongue inside. He pulled back for a moment, pausing just long enough for the prince to stare impassionedly into his eyes in the lull, before diving back in with increasing passion. Lelouch moaned and pressed on the brunet’s shoulder blades, and Suzaku made him wait and writhe for it before languidly sinking down and plastering their naked chests together. It felt surreal, lying mostly bare-skinned by the river of his childhood home, making out with his equally-undressed boyfriend. Retreating to let Lelouch catch his breath, Suzaku asked fondly, “Do you remember the last time we came here?” His thumb brushed back and forth across the prince’s hand.

Thinking back, Lelouch nodded. He looked thoroughly kissed and it took him a few moments to remember how to string words together. “I fell in the river upstream, didn’t I?” he recalled with a darkening blush.

“Yeah,” Suzaku agreed. He shifted and pressed his chest against Lelouch's side, raising himself on his elbow so he could look down warmly at his boyfriend’s face. “I had to jump in and rescue you.”

Lelouch’s flush deepened, but he managed to articulate, “My perfect knight, even then.” His serious gaze locked on Suzaku’s.

“Your knight?” repeated the Japanese soldier wistfully. “That makes you my prince.”

Lelouch nodded solemnly. “That it does, Suzaku.” Violet eyes shone up at him. “I’ll bind you to me in any way possible.”

“Lelouch,” breathed Suzaku. A giddy feeling swept over him all the way to his bare toes.

The Japanese boy’s prince continued, “It is quite the convenient arrangement. You know, a lot of royals have relationships with their knights.” He paused thoughtfully, eyes tracing Suzaku’s awestruck face. “I can’t do anything official since I’m disinherited. But of course, I’d rather bind you to me as an equal anyway…”

Suzaku sighed softly and pressed closer, green eyes shining and hopeful. _Is he proposing what I think he is?_ Feeling dizzy, he ventured, “You know, I think the Kururugi Shrine is a great place to get married.” He held his breath, hoping that hadn’t been too forward—but it felt right somehow, defining their future together in the root of their past.

Lelouch’s eyes widened, but a heartfelt smile curled his lips. “I couldn’t agree more. Would you like a summer wedding?”

Releasing his breath, Suzaku grinned shakily. Lelouch was going along with it. Thinking a moment, he slowly suggested, “How about August 10th?”

Purple eyes blinked. “August 10th?” Lelouch repeated, catching on easily. “The date the war started?”

“Yeah,” Suzaku explained. “But we’ll turn it into a day when a Britannian and a Japanese person move forward into a new life together.” _I want a life with you, Lelouch. I want **everything** with you._

Lelouch’s eyes glinted. “Poetic,” he mused. “I’m impressed, Suzaku.”

“I do have a brain, you know,” Suzaku said, disgruntled.

Lelouch sighed and squeezed Suzaku's hand again. “Of course you do,” he agreed. “I don’t think we’d be compatible if you were truly an idiot.”

Eyes widening, Suzaku rolled almost on top of his prince. “So you think I’m smart,” he declared triumphantly.

“Stop putting words in my mouth,” Lelouch said hastily, his tone transparently bantering. “I said no such thing.”

“But you do think so,” Suzaku discerned with a light smile.

Lelouch sat up and fidgeted, pulling free and beginning to wave his arms in wide, crazy gestures as he always did when he grew passionate about a topic. “Of course I don’t think you’re downright stupid, Suzaku, but you do make idiotic decisions when it comes to your own well-being.” His hands cut across the air in some random but mesmerizing pattern. Stray water drops went flying. “I love you anyway and at least I’m here to challenge some of those ridiculous choices—” One hand clenched into a fist and shot straight up. “—and if you’d only listen to me more often—”

Suzaku instinctively caught one of Lelouch’s hands during its next outward sweep and brushed a light kiss across Lelouch's knuckles. _He cares too much. Oh, Lelouch_.

Blushing again, Lelouch froze for a moment before seeming to come back to himself. “Why did you…?”

With a mischievous glint in his eye, Suzaku said warmly and set the tone for the rest of their afternoon: “Because I love you, and because that’s what a knight would do to his prince, right?”


	8. Practical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More SuzaLulu relationship progression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented, left kudos, started following my Tumblr, etc. :D
> 
> Thanks to my lovely beta-reader, TheGeminiSage, for looking over this whale of a tale. She is love. ~~Go read her Undertale comic, Refuse. :D~~
> 
> Please enjoy the slow burn romance and let me know your thoughts. I really want to know how the relationship-building is coming across. Or if you have a favorite part or quote, please share so I know what I'm doing right. If I could improve something, let me know that, too. <3
> 
> WARNINGS: One offhand line about the Britannian military having used sexual punishment, so slight trigger warning there. (Spoiler: Not Suzaku, but in general.)
> 
> Ramped up sexy-times. Awkward talks. SuzaLulu.
> 
> Sorry for the late update. I'm going through some family drama at the moment, but I appreciate your understanding. Hugs are very welcome.

Suzaku sighed and tapped his pencil against his chemistry summer school work. He found it difficult to focus on the periodic table, especially with more important things on his mind. He had so much else to do. He’d rather be in Lelouch’s arms, loving him hard, where Suzaku truly felt in his element.

“Do you need help?” Cecile asked, coming up behind him with muffins that looked questionably edible.

Suzaku blinked and looked at his superior. “Yes,” he said simply. “But not with chemistry. I was wondering, Miss Cecile, if I could have an extra copy of my military contract? Oh, and my compensation and benefits package?”

With a puzzled expression, Cecile sat down beside him and offered him a muffin. “I’m sure that can be arranged, Suzaku, but why do you need them all of a sudden?”

Slightly blushing, Suzaku explained, “Well, I think it’s time I grew up a little and tried to understand the adult world.” Things with Lelouch had taken a serious turn at the Kururugi Shrine, and Suzaku had realized that what he and his prince had was so much more than high school. If they truly meant to build a future together, then Suzaku decided that he had to do his part. He felt woefully ignorant about how most aspects of the adult world functioned, especially compared to Lelouch (who seemed to know everything). Suzaku smiled shakily and took a muffin to be nice.

Cecile cocked her head, a proud, warm glow in her eyes. “That’s very mature of you, Suzaku,” she praised. “Do you need any help understanding the documents?”

Suzaku tapped his chin. “I might,” he said evasively. _Lelouch and I will go over them together_. “I just…fell into this job by luck, you know? I mean, I joined the military on purpose, but being a pilot for the ASEEC Unit just sorta happened. I never really took the time to go over all the red tape and really understand my position. I know it’s hard to categorize since I’m the first Number who made Knightmare pilot, and I just want to make sure…” He trailed off, remembering a critical point. _Damn, I can’t show my contract to Lelouch after all. He can’t know I’m a pilot and of course that’s going to be on file. Well, maybe he can still look at the compensations and benefits package with me. That’s a standard-issue for all military personnel._

“Like I said, I think you’re growing more sophisticated, Suzaku. Lloyd and I will be happy to help in any way we can,” Cecile said, beaming, and took a bite of her muffin as if there was nothing wrong with it. “I’ll get you those papers before you leave tonight.”

Suzaku beamed at her and thanked her by eating his entire muffin without grimacing.

-+-

Lelouch was confused when Suzaku pulled back after only a small fraction of their usual make-out. Especially as he’d just gifted Suzaku his new handmade kimono, he expected their kisses to be a little more enthusiastic and lengthy. Biting his lip, he sat up and simply let his unbuttoned uniform hang open, highlighting a strip of naked chest. “Suzaku,” he said. “What’s wrong?” He gazed worriedly at his boyfriend, focusing on his face instead of his equally-debauched state.

Suzaku smiled gently at Lelouch, easing his concern. “Nothing’s wrong,” he said. “It’s just, we only have so much time together, and there are some things I want to start going over with you. If that’s okay.” He rubbed at his neck sheepishly.

Cocking his head, Lelouch nodded. “Of course. What’s going on?”

Suzaku took a deep breath and met Lelouch’s eyes directly. “I love you,” he began strongly. “I’ve loved every second of being with you, even the awkward parts. I can really be myself with you, and you make me a better person.”

Blinking at the unexpectedly sappy direction this was taking, Lelouch felt heat rise up his neck. His heart beat faster despite himself. “Suzaku…”

Suzaku grinned. “I started thinking the other day, after we had our outing at the Kururugi Shrine.” He smoothed his hand self-consciously down the bed covers. “I mean, we had some pretty important talks.”

Lelouch smiled back. “We did,” he agreed smoothly. “I meant every word.”

Suzaku ducked his head happily. “Me too,” he said, voice barely above a mumble. “I just started thinking, we’ve been having a fun time together.” Rolling his hand in the air, he elaborated, “Kissing, exploring each other, keeping our friendship strong…” His shoulders slackened as he concluded, “I mean, overall, we’re pretty solid—especially if you look at other high school couples.”

“That’s true,” Lelouch granted. “We really love each other, and we know what’s important.”

“Yeah!” Suzaku exclaimed. “And, uh, we’ve talked indefinitely about our future together, but I want to start laying down more roots.” Clasping Lelouch’s hands, he swallowed and advocated, “We’ve got a lot of things to figure out if we’re serious about each other. I know we’re young, but…”

Lelouch’s smile softened. “But it’s never too early to start planning,” he finished, shuffling closer on the bed.

“I just want…a more _adult_ relationship,” Suzaku tossed out, his tone nervous but determined. 

Lelouch's eyes widened. _What is he saying? Does he want sex?_

Suzaku pressed forward for a quick kiss, oblivious to Lelouch's inner misgivings. “I still want to have fun, obviously, but I also want to prepare for our future. _I’m_ serious about us. I want you to know that.” Fidgeting a bit, he said in a rush before Lelouch could respond, “I brought over some copies of my work documents. If we’re going to be devoted to each other, my salary and everything is going to affect you, too. You should know what you’re getting into.”

“So you want to crunch numbers?” Lelouch asked, his eyes scintillating. _So that’s what he meant. Suzaku is more astute than I give him credit for sometimes. And goddamn is it hot and thrilling._ He cupped Suzaku’s cheek and leaned forward, breathing softly, “Suzaku, you could not be more serious than _I_ am about us. Let’s go calculate our future.”

Laughing, Suzaku visibly relaxed and said, “I knew you’d be excited.”

Smirking, Lelouch advanced and demonstrated his excitement with his lips and hands. Pulling back after some teasing touches, he confirmed, “Yes. Let me get a notebook so we can keep all of our information organized.” He pointed theatrically at the door. “You get us those work documents, some scrap paper, and the calculator,” Lelouch said, giving orders automatically. “Meet me at the dining room table and we’ll spread out what we need to look over.”

Suzaku rolled his eyes at the haughty tone and commands but responded nonetheless, following the orders without complaint. By the time Lelouch had found an empty notebook and brought it to the dining room, Suzaku was throwing his papers on the table and saying, “I already went through and highlighted all the information that pertains to me.”

Lelouch’s face lit up and he dropped the notebook, stepped into Suzaku’s personal space, and planted a wet one on him, trailing his palms up and down the strip of chest hugged by the open hanging uniform. “You know just how to get me going,” he said, resting his forehead on Suzaku's afterwards. Arthur trotted into the room, took one look at the boys tangled together, and continued down the hallway.

Suzaku sighed with pleasure before nudging Lelouch to the table. “Come on,” he prompted. “Let’s go over this. Look. Here’s my annual salary and—”

Lelouch let out a noise of surprise as he took in the documents. “You make more than I thought you would,” he said. “Where’s the pay scale?”

Suzaku looked a bit uncomfortable for some reason but showed Lelouch the graded breakdown of compensation for the entire Britannian Military. “I was promoted to warrant officer after my trial,” the soldier explained, “so my salary is Grade W-1, right after the simple enlisted soldiers. I was a private before.”

“Holy shit, Suzaku!” Lelouch exclaimed, eyes flying over the page. “Your monthly basic pay more than doubled.”

Suzaku smiled wanly. “Yeah. I guess they felt bad for trying to kill me unfairly or something,” he said, laughing obnoxiously loudly to cover up the obvious hurt.

“It’s not funny,” Lelouch bit out, glaring at the paper. “They’re trying to buy you off after an unforgivable mistake on their end.” His eyes flicked back to Suzaku’s. “It still doesn’t make sense, though. Britannia never cares about the people she hurts, especially Numbers—no offense.”

Shrugging, knowing Lelouch’s views didn’t represent his nation’s, Suzaku said, “Princess Euphemia sponsored me to attend school here. I think _she_ felt bad for me.”

Lelouch made a soft noise of agreement. “That sounds like Euphy,” he said wistfully.

Suzaku peered at his boyfriend a little more closely. “Ah, so she was ‘Euphy’ to you.”

“Of _course_ she was,” Lelouch said. “She was my closest sister after Nunnally.”

Suzaku smiled softly. “She’s very kind,” he added. “She comes by the engineering labs sometimes. Anyway, Viceroy Cornelia promoted me, but I’ve always suspected that Princess Euphemia had a hand in it behind the scenes. There’s no way to check, though.”

Lelouch nodded. “I guess I can see that,” he said thoughtfully. His heart ached to hear more about his sister, but he couldn’t let himself be distracted now. They had time. “All right, back to business. So if we combine your income with mine—”

“What income?” Suzaku interrupted. “You don’t have a job, Lelouch. We are _not_ relying on your gambling winnings to get us through life.”

The outcast prince frowned. “I can’t get a job, Suzaku. We’ve been over this. I don’t have the proper legal documents for ‘Lelouch Lamperouge.’”

“I understand. For now,” Suzaku added. “But we’re thinking in the future. What was your plan for after you graduated Ashford?”

Lelouch winced. “Well, I have a short-term plan in the works as we speak.”

Suzaku leaned forward, curious.

“Fail and get held back, which will give me extra time to live in sanctuary here,” the oftentimes ingenious schoolboy laid out. “If I fail my senior term, that’s another year I can be a student and figure things out in the meantime.”

Suzaku stared at Lelouch dubiously. “ _That’s_ your master plan?” he demanded. “That doesn’t fix anything! It just delays the inevitable.”

“Maybe,” Lelouch partially agreed. “But there’s no telling what might happen in that year. The world might be a different place by then.” _I’m going to make sure of it. Personally_. “I might not have to deal with staying hidden if it becomes a moot point.”

Scowling, Suzaku argued, “Or you might still have the same problems that you do now, only you’d have wasted time you could have done something about it.”

“I won’t waste time,” Lelouch promised, shaking his head.

“Besides,” Suzaku added as if he’d already dismissed Lelouch’s assurance, “you’re bored stiff here, Lelouch.”

Lelouch shrugged. “Better bored and safe than discovered and dragged back into the Britannian Royal Family.”

Suzaku took a deep breath, obviously still struggling to accept the proposed idea. “Okay, fine. We’ll think on this one. If you can’t get a job, then I’ll put you through college.”

Lelouch snapped his head up, feeling as surprised as when he'd learned Suzaku was alive after seven years. This moment seemed like another life-altering paradigm shift. “What? College?”

Suzaku nodded, a determined look on his face. “You’re too smart not to go, Lelouch. You should challenge your brain, make something of yourself.”

“You sound like Shirley.”

Suzaku shrugged and expounded, “She’s right about that part. I understand your circumstances, but I think it’s a waste. You’re _brilliant_ , Lelouch. You could do _anything_. You could take over the world if you tried.” Green eyes burned into purple with impassioned conviction.

Lelouch’s jaw dropped, his heart pounding, and he managed, “I’ll…keep that in mind, Suzaku.” He didn’t have the willpower, in the face of Suzaku’s eager enthusiasm, to explain that he couldn’t attend college for the same reasons he couldn’t get a legal job.

Suzaku nodded with a pleased expression. “Right, so you just think about what you want to do with your life and let me take care of the rest.”

“Wait, explain this to me again. Why are _you_ going to put _me_ through college? What about yourself?” Lelouch frowned thoughtfully. _Don’t tell me he’s doing that thing again where he puts everyone else’s needs above his own._

Suzaku shrugged and fidgeted. “I’m in the military, Lelouch. I have a career track already. Besides, I’m not all _that_ smart. School is hard for me.” He looked up determinedly and spouted, “You, on the other hand… Lelouch, you could _write_ the damn textbooks in your _sleep_.”

Lips curving, Lelouch observed, “That would be extremely difficult. My hand would get tired, you see, and I might miss the paper if my eyes were closed.”

“You’re impossible,” Suzaku said with a fond eye roll.

“And you love me anyway,” Lelouch pointed out, sitting straighter and puffing out his chest. Shaking his head, he refocused. “I think you _could_ do college if you wanted, Suzaku,” he went on. He had the utmost faith in his boyfriend. “I would never force you if you don’t think that path would make you happy, but I don’t want you making that decision on the erroneous assumption that you’re too stupid to make it.”

Suzaku blushed, his eyes shining at his boyfriend’s praise. “If there’s something I really want to major in, then I’ll consider it. Right now, though, I think I’m fine staying in the military.”

At the soldier’s words, a sharp pain pierced through Lelouch’s chest and he glared at the table. _No, you can’t! **I’m** not fine with that!_ He inhaled deeply and said, “Okay, I take it back. If _that’s_ your long-term alternative, then I’m putting my foot down.” He nudged his toe against Suzaku's, claiming, “If you’re gonna make me go to college, then I’m making you go with me.” _I’ll find a way around the legal identity issues if I put my mind to it. Suzaku’s right; I’m smart. I’m Lelouch vi Britannia **and** Zero_ , _dammit_. _I suppose I could always Geass some government official to make me some legal identity documents._

“Huh? But—”

Lelouch lifted his head, purple eyes blazing. “Suzaku,” he said, voice steely, “I’m not spending our _entire_ lives together watching you get abused in the military.”

Suzaku sucked in a breath. “I told you, Lelouch, didn’t I?” he ventured. “The people I work for now aren’t like that. I’m in a good place.”

Lelouch sighed, still frowning. “Isn’t there anything else you’d rather do?” he almost begged. He wanted so badly for Suzaku to change his mind that he almost started to fold a thousand paper cranes for it. Somehow he didn’t think Suzaku wanted his military work documents used as origami.

Smiling softly, Suzaku shook his head. “Even when I was little, I always wanted to be a soldier. I looked up to Tohdoh-sensei so much and I wanted to be just like him. When he trained me, I grew amazingly skilled at fighting.” Because the soldier was complimenting himself, the prince allowed him to continue without interruption and share, “I _flourished_. I found something I enjoyed that I was really, really good at, Lelouch.” Suzaku shifted. “My…my father expected me to go into politics because of our family name, but I never wanted to.”

“I would never make you go into politics,” Lelouch assured him. “Just…please, Suzaku, _anything_ besides staying in the Britannian Army.” Lelouch wanted to just choose something else for Suzaku himself, but he knew the brunet was too stubborn to abide by whatever he decided. Furthermore, at the end of the day, Lelouch simply wanted Suzaku safe and happy. “It’s great that you’re living your dream of being a soldier, but I can bet this wasn’t what you had in mind when you were young,” he acknowledged. “Enlisting as a soldier because you’re proud of your country and want to protect it is different than serving as a subjugated lapdog of your nation’s conqueror.” He breathed deeply, reaching for his strongest, most persuasive argument. “I’m sure…Tohdoh-sensei would agree.”

Suzaku flinched, clearly affected. “I see your point, Lelouch,” he acknowledged. “But it’s not about protecting Japan, per se. It’s about protecting _people_.”

Lelouch glared at the table. _If only you’d use your soldier skills for the Black Knights, Suzaku. You and I, we’d be unstoppable_. _We would protect people together._ He clenched his hand into a fist over the spread out documents. “I don’t think you get it,” he said slowly. “Suzaku, it fucking _hurts_ watching you endure this pain and prejudice. I love you too much to allow it to continue. I even understand that you feel you need to be there now, for whatever reason, but _don’t you dare_ condemn us to an entire lifetime of this.” He glanced up, eyes fiery and wet.

Swallowing, Suzaku scooted his chair closer and pulled Lelouch in, kissing him softly and guiding his head to press against Suzaku's own shoulder as they embraced. “I’ll…I’ll _try_ to think of something else I might want to do eventually, but I’m not changing my mind if I don’t come up with anything I want badly enough.”

Sniffing, Lelouch gave in, “I suppose that’s fair. For now.” He buried his face into Suzaku’s neck. “But you know I’m going to toss ideas at you all the time.”

“That’s fair, too,” Suzaku said with a light chuckle. “I know you mean well, Lelouch, and you want what’s best for me. I know you’re not trying to change me.”

“Of course not,” Lelouch agreed. “Suzaku, even if I had the power to _make_ you do what I wanted, I wouldn’t use it.” _Correction, Suzaku. I do indeed have a special power that lets me make people do what I want, but I won’t ever use it on you._ For the first time, Lelouch wondered what Suzaku would have to say about his Geass.

Suzaku inhaled sharply and pressed a kiss into the side of his prince’s head. “That’s very sweet of you, Lelouch,” he crooned. Suzaku was the only one who could get away with calling Lelouch ‘sweet.’ He squeezed Lelouch tighter in his arms and reasoned, “We have time to figure this out. I have to stay in the military for _at least_ one more year, possibly two.”

“How come?”

Suzaku chuckled. “Well, Lelouch, it’s because I’m an Honorary Britannian soldier with connections, apparently, that I’m even allowed to attend Ashford Academy in the first place.” He paused and swallowed. “If I quit the military, I’d have to give up Ashford, too. They’d never let a Number keep going to a prestigious Britannian school after turning his back on the Britannian Army.”

Lelouch gasped into a tan neck. _Shit, he’s right. Why have I never considered that angle before?_ He wanted to argue that it didn’t matter, that Suzaku could quit everything and just live with him on-campus—but there was more at stake. Ashford was the best educational opportunity Suzaku had, and of course he’d made friends with the others on the Student Council. He needed to be able to attend.

Suzaku continued, “So I have to keep my contract until I graduate, whenever that is.”

“Whenever that is?”

Suzaku nodded against his boyfriend’s head. “Yeah. One year going by the standard time. Two if you count that extra year I might have to repeat.”

Lelouch pulled his head back and stared at him incredulously.

Suzaku grinned, green eyes sparkling with merriment. “What, you thought I’d let you fail and stay here longer by yourself?” He cupped the prince’s cheek. “Lelouch, if you don’t want me wasting that year and staying longer with the military, then you’d better not plan to spend that time here yourself. If you’re dragging me to college with you, then I’m staying in high school with you, too. Get over it.”

Lelouch worked his mouth wordlessly, still somewhat in shock. “Suzaku,” he finally whispered.  _He knows just how to play me. I’d be annoyed, but I’m so glad he keeps proving himself a good match for me. He keeps me on my toes. I need that._

Suzaku blushed a little. “Besides, uh, realistically, I probably wouldn’t need to _make_ myself fail. It might be easier to go with your original master plan after all…”

Lelouch shook his head affectionately. “Oh, Suzaku. Don’t say that. You’re smart. I don’t know of any other Japanese person who could succeed in any way at a Britannian school.” Suzaku _had_ been promoted to the next grade in the end, Lelouch’s academic help notwithstanding. Spine tingling, Lelouch added, “But on the other hand, if we didn’t care about doing well in school _whatsoever_ , think of all the extra time we could spend skipping class and touching each other on the roof…” He shivered pleasantly as his voice trailed off into unspoken fantasies.

Raising an eyebrow, Suzaku pointed out flatly, “Lelouch, we already do that.”

“But we could do it _more_ ,” Lelouch insisted enthusiastically. They’d grown used to additional private time together with the summer break, and neither boy was keen to lose it. Lelouch was, as always, eager to plan for their future. Making time to make out was top priority. Putting on his best persuasive smile, he cajoled, “And we wouldn’t waste half of our time with me trying to calm you down, and you complaining about missing class.” He raised an eyebrow. “Which, I’d like to point out, that even though you grumbled about it constantly, you never once turned down my invitations. So you must not care about school _too_ much.”

Suzaku blushed heavily. “Or I’m just unable to resist having your tongue down my throat.”

Lelouch smirked roguishly. “And on your neck, your shoulders, your armpits, your chest, your stomach, your abs…”

Suzaku trembled.

“Licking your nipples, dipping into your bellybutton…”

“Okay, Lelouch,” Suzaku said in a strangled whisper. His nipples and cock were hardening at the prince’s words. “You’ve made your point. Please, have mercy.”

Leer widening, Lelouch leaned in and droned dangerously, “Oh, Suzaku. Haven’t you learned yet? I don’t _do_ mercy.”

Budget planning had to be postponed after all.

-+-

Whistling, Suzaku stepped inside Lelouch’s room—and froze. A wide smile broke out on his face and he leaned casually against the doorframe, arms loosely crossed.

Arthur had crawled up on Lelouch’s chest, ears perked forward as he crouched in a hunter’s position. His tail was straight up and his rear end waggled before he pounced, landing right on the spot where the feather toy had been—before Lelouch had evilly whipped it out of reach, milliseconds before capture. Arthur meowed his displeasure at missing his prey, but Lelouch only dangled the feather in front of his face again and taunted him with slow, back-and-forth swings. The cat swatted at the toy, even standing on his hind legs when the prince dragged the feather up over his head. Lelouch then trailed the feather along the sheets and across his body, leading Arthur in a merry chase around the bed. The cat purred loudly throughout their play, and Lelouch had a soft look on his face.

After watching the heartwarming scene for a few minutes, Suzaku cleared his throat and stepped fully into the room.

Lelouch dropped the feather toy at once and scrambled to sit up; Arthur caught the feather in his mouth. Blushing lightly, Lelouch stammered, “O-oh, uh, Suzaku. I didn’t see you there.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” Suzaku teased. “You looked like you were having fun. So did Arthur.”

Looking down, letting his bangs cover his eyes, Lelouch said coolly, “I suppose.”

Suzaku chuckled and sat on the bed. Arthur greeted him with a bite, making Suzaku screech and clutch his hand. He freed it and shook it out, making sure to keep it far away from Arthur’s teeth, and droned to Lelouch, “You don’t have to act all high and mighty around me, remember, my prince?”

Immediately, Lelouch lifted his head and stared at Suzaku, his cheeks darkening just a tinge. “What did you just call me?” he almost squeaked.

Fidgeting uncomfortably on the sheets, Suzaku repeated, “…My prince. You know. Because of…the Shrine and…” Sighing, he looked down at the bed. “Sorry. It’s weird, right? It’s weird. I made things weird. I’ll just—”

Lelouch took a deep breath and got himself together. He smiled and reached out for Suzaku’s still smarting hand, holding it between both of his. Slowly, green eyes lifted to meet purple and Lelouch comforted, “It’s all right, Suzaku. I just wasn’t expecting it from you. I didn’t think you’d keep using that endearment, but it doesn’t bother me.” His voice came out even and deeply-pitched. Eyes glittering, he leaned forward and rationalized, “Besides, I _am_ your prince.”

Suzaku grinned weakly. “So you’re okay if I call you that? I didn’t think I’d like it so much, but, having a pet name for you…”

Chortling, Lelouch nodded once. “I said it’s fine, Suzaku,” he said clearly. He squeezed his boyfriend’s hand and self-corrected, “Or should I say, my knight?”

Suzaku choked on his tongue. “Le-Lelouch, you…I mean…cute nicknames aren’t how you usually operate.”

“No, but I do like codenames,” the chess master said thoughtfully. “This isn’t that far off.” Lelouch looked at the wall and admitted, “Actually, I like it better than I thought I would, too.” He glanced at his boyfriend and suggested, “If we both like them, why don’t we use these endearments when we feel strongly about something? I mean, our entire relationship is private anyway. No one else is going to hear us acting like lovesick middle school girls.” His logic was foolproof and confidence building, as always.

Suzaku’s grin grew stronger. “Yeah, you’re right. My prince.”

Lelouch shivered and closed his eyes for a second before staring at Suzaku. “And let’s not forget that I’m all for anything claiming you as mine. Or me as yours.”

“Admitting you have a possessive streak?” Suzaku incited.

“A very strong one,” Lelouch agreed with his trademark smirk.

Suzaku inched closer and rested his head on Lelouch's shoulder. “I suppose if we both want it, there’s no shame in using those names,” he recapped.

Lelouch shook his head with a softer look on his face than when he’d been playing with Arthur and murmured, “None at all, my knight.”

-+-

As promised, Lelouch immediately started peppering Suzaku with alternative career ideas. “You have such good memories of Tohdoh-sensei,” the analytical Britannian remarked as they took a walk around school grounds, being sure to maintain proper distance. “Instead of being a soldier like him, why don’t you become a professional martial arts instructor?”

Suzaku paused thoughtfully, his steps slowing.

“Think about it,” Lelouch reasoned, gesturing passionately with his hands. “It’s safer, you’ll get to work with all kinds of people, and you’ll still be doing something you love but in a kinder setting. It’s perfect.”

Cocking his head, Suzaku admitted, “That doesn’t sound half bad, Lelouch.”

Smirking with pride, Lelouch offered, “I’ll even take care of the business aspect of it, if you want to open up your own dojo. That gives me direction, too.”

Suzaku blinked in confusion. “You’d work with me?”

“Partially,” Lelouch answered with a shrug. “I’d still be doing different things. We’d be together, but not so much that we’d step on each other’s toes or get sick of each other. I could also do something else and help run your dojo on the side.”

Suzaku laughed, “You’ve really thought this through, haven’t you, Lelouch?”

“When have you ever known me _not_ to?”

“Fair point.”

Tipping his head back, Lelouch casually threw out, “If that doesn’t pan out, you could always be a gym teacher. Maybe Dr. Ashford would hire you and we could stay here after all.”

“My god, Lelouch!”

-+-

Brandishing a box at Suzaku, Lelouch urged, “Go on. Look inside.”

Bewildered, Suzaku opened his random present and lifted out a hand-sewn shirt. There on the front were the Japanese Kanji characters for Suzaku’s name, overlaid on Lelouch’s name written out in Britannian English. Across the stomach, there was a customized personal trademark: “Lelouch’s Knight.” On the back was an elaborate, embroidered yellow Japanese Coat of Arms, the Chrysanthemum Seal, historically worn by members of the Japanese Imperial Family—when that was a thing—intertwined with the Britannian national symbol in neat, edgy stitching. Underneath the symbolic mesh of cultures was the phrase: “Together, we can do anything.” Filled with wonder at such a meaningful present, Suzaku looked up and noticed Lelouch already changing into his own matching shirt.

The only difference was that the words “Suzaku’s Prince” were stitched across Lelouch's shirt instead.

Voice catching, Suzaku said, “Lelouch, this is…I mean, I don’t even have words. This is incredible. Thank you.” Reverently, he started pulling off his uniform so he could put on his fresh, much-more-appropriate clothing.

Lelouch lifted his chin in acknowledgement, clearly pleased with himself. “I know we can’t wear them in public,” he admitted, “but I still wanted to make them for us.”

Suzaku finished tugging his new shirt into place; it was a perfect fit, just like the kimono Lelouch had surprised him with recently. “We can wear them all the time in here,” he said with a fond look at the prince’s bedroom. Their romantic rendezvous were mostly limited to Lelouch’s room, the rooftop, and—when Sayoko was gone—the couch in the sitting room. Where they could be together openly, they could wear their secret shirts. “You’re amazing,” Suzaku gushed, smoothing down the fabric. “I love you so much!”

“I love you, too, Suzaku,” Lelouch purred back, looking proudly at his handiwork.

Their new shirts wrinkled as they hugged.

-+-

“We’re getting really good at this,” Suzaku mumbled, twisting himself as he fell back on the bed with an armful of Britannian prince. The newly-fitted stretchy, lacy dress for the Student Council event wrinkled somewhere beneath their writhing bodies.

Lelouch just laughed and slid closer, slipping his unbuttoned shirt off his shoulders.

Suzaku’s eyes followed the flow of movement. “I wanted to do that,” he said with a pout.

Lelouch just chuckled again. “Next time,” he promised, sealing it with another kiss.

Suzaku sighed, but his gaze was gentle and understanding. At least he’d managed to get across to Lelouch how frustrating it was to stop in the heat of the moment for the sake of folding or hanging up clothes; in return, they followed up most of their 'sessions' with an 'iron party' to ease Lelouch’s OCD about wrinkled clothes. Compromise, the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. “Yeah, yeah,” Suzaku chuckled and, feeling himself start to harden from their clothed grinding, sobered up. “But hey. There’s something important I need to talk to you about.”

With a respectfully concerned look, Lelouch rolled off him. “What’s up?”

Shaking his head, Suzaku slid a hand through his crazily mussed hair. “It’s just…we’ve been really good about communicating what we want, and I needed to let you know…” He raised his eyes up to Lelouch’s, feeling lightheaded, and announced: “I’m ready.” _Ever since we talked marriage at the Kururugi Shrine._

Lelouch's eyes widened. “You mean…”

“For sex,” Suzaku clarified. “I’m not pushing. I just wanted to let you know that I’m okay if it happens.” His stiffening length twitched with hope.

Lelouch narrowed his eyes thoughtfully, processing it all.

“We’ve been working our way up to it,” Suzaku explained after a brief pause. The silence was unnerving, and the room was really hot again. “We go a little bit further each time, and every time it’s amazing. And, well, I’ve been dreaming about you since forever, my prince…”

Smiling at that, blushing lightly, Lelouch said, “Yes, I remember.” He reached out to grasp Suzaku’s hand and took a deep breath. “I’m still not ready, though,” he said, violet eyes dark and serious. “I trust you, and you’re the only one I’ve ever imagined being with, but I just…”

Suzaku smiled, biting back disappointment. “It’s okay,” he confirmed. “I told you: I’d never pressure you. It has to be right for both of us.” _Or I’d never forgive myself_.

There was relief in Lelouch’s gaze. “I’ll only say this once: Thank you. And…I’m sorry,” he mumbled, the low words almost running together towards the end. He shivered and explained, “I’m just a bit…anxious.” He paused, steeled himself, and ground out, “About anal sex.” His cheeks reddened as he spoke the embarrassing words. Like their previous difficult conversations, however, it got easier the more they pushed through it and respected each other’s views. “There’s so much I need to learn and prepare for beforehand, and I just…haven’t had time lately to focus on that.” Lelouch frowned, opened his mouth to say something, closed it, and finally blurted, “I do know that I need to let go of my basic need to control everything before we take that step, and I’m not there yet. Besides, I mean,” Lelouch said, hesitating and looking uncomfortable. In a rush, sounding like he was making himself ask and not sure he wanted the answer, he asked, “Well, have _you_ ever…?”

Shaking his head, mulling over his boyfriend’s words, Suzaku offered a small smile and shared, “No, I never wanted anyone like this and I was always fast enough to avoid the people in the military who took advantage of Elevens.”

Purple eyes narrowed in rage. “They _what_?”

“Don’t worry,” Suzaku said, playing absentmindedly with his boyfriend’s hair. “I told you. I never had to…”

“ _Still_.”

Suzaku sighed and reassured, “I was never in danger of that, Lelouch.” He went on to explain how other Honorary Britannian soldiers, who didn’t have his amazing physical abilities on the training grounds, were often punished for poor performance, including sexually. On the flipside, he relayed, some Honorary Britannian soldiers willingly offered up their bodies to Britannian superiors in the hopes of gaining favor and attaining higher status.

Lelouch tensed. “And you didn’t consider that route towards change?” he ventured, again sounding like he was afraid of the answer. “That’s one significant way to start moving up within the Empire, and your goals…”

Face softening, Suzaku felt his chest grow warm at hearing Lelouch voice his military aims. He’d told Lelouch so long ago, when the prince was patching up his Lake Kawaguchi wound, that he planned to change the Empire from within. They weren’t even together then, but Lelouch had apparently believed his objectives important enough to be worth remembering. Suzaku also recalled his own feelings of jealousy, anger, and fear when he’d worried about Lelouch possibly providing noblemen ‘pleasurable company’ at his normal gambling venue. Eager to reassure his prince, the Japanese idealist murmured, “I would never do that, Lelouch.” His eyes narrowed with determination. “I don’t believe in those methods, and any ends gained through contemptible means aren’t worth anything.”

Lelouch jerked back as if struck, an odd look crossing his face before he quickly composed himself and distracted the soldier with a kiss.

 “So I’m clueless,” Suzaku continued, getting them back on track once Lelouch was good and done with him for the time being. “All the same, I want to learn with you.” He desired Lelouch so badly that he made a mental note to start folding a thousand paper cranes. Maybe by the time he finished them all anyway, his prince would be ready.

Lelouch huffed and looked to the ceiling, getting himself under control from the earlier implications. Finally, he sighed, able to focus. “We both have _zero_ experience, so we’re starting at square one. Suzaku, this isn’t something we should rush into.” He trailed his hand comfortingly up and down his boyfriend’s bare chest, making Suzaku's breath hitch as he tried to soothe the sting of rejection. Matter-of-factly, the virgin prince added, “And if you’ve never done it before, then there’s _definitely_ no way I’m letting you…do _that_ …to me. On a whim.”

“What do you want me to do, Lelouch? Go find a random guy on the street and—”

“ _No_!” Lelouch protested, eyes simmering. “Never. You’re _mine_.”

Inhaling sharply, Suzaku’s steady, burning gaze matched Lelouch's intensity. “Okay,” he affirmed slowly and clearly. _I get it_. “Yours.”

Lelouch leaned closer and corrected in a hushed, wicked tone, “ _Only_ mine.” He tenderly cupped Suzaku’s cheek and reminded him, “I told you when we first got together: I want us to be committed to each other and no one else. That boundary hasn’t changed, my knight.”

Attentively listening, Suzaku nodded and kept his eyes fixed on Lelouch's. “In our relationship, it goes both ways. You’re completely mine in return,” Suzaku stressed in a low-pitched, serious voice.

“Naturally,” Lelouch asserted, as if that had never been nor ever would be an issue. He sighed lightly, skimming his other hand down Suzaku's face, and negotiated, “Look, even though I’m not ready for full-blown sex yet, there are still other things we haven’t tried.”

Nodding, Suzaku reassured, “That’s true, and that’s fine. I just wanted to let you know where I stood.” He brushed his fingers across Lelouch's naked chest, tweaking both dusky nipples along the way and making Lelouch gasp. Touching each other’s chests had become as commonplace as holding hands by this point, but they both still thrilled from it. From all of it. Finally, Suzaku ventured, “Since we’re talking about it…why are you assuming that I’m the one who’s going to ‘do it’ to you?” _What is this ‘to’ him anyway? I love him. It should be something I do ‘with’ him!_

Lelouch shivered. “Come on, Suzaku,” he huffed. “You’re the exercise nut.”

“You admitted that you have an excessive need to control everything,” Suzaku said, inwardly agreeing. _I get you, Lelouch, like how you always get me._ “I think you should be the one to…”

Lelouch’s touches stopped, and purple eyes gazed at Suzaku incredulously. His face softening, he leaned in to give Suzaku a loving kiss. “I believe that, when it matters, sex is supposed to be about giving all of yourself to your partner,” he explained raggedly. “I want you to have all of me, including the parts I’d never give up for anyone else. Including my control.”

Suzaku’s eyes glistened brighter. _Lelouch is really opening up to me. He would never share something so personal or fully articulate his beliefs for anyone else._ He reached for his prince and held him close, sniffling, “Lelouch, that was beautiful.” Pressing quick kisses to Lelouch's temple, Suzaku went on, “But I still think, especially at first, that you should do what makes you comfortable. As long as I’m with _you_ , I don’t care what position I have.”

Turning his head, Lelouch kissed Suzaku on the lips. Hard. “I want us to be fair and balanced,” he said afterwards, echoing his own words from several weeks ago. “Eventually, I want it both ways. We have the rest of our lives to figure out what we like.”

Suzaku nodded, eyes glazed. _He’s really thinking about our future in the long-term. I guess he actually meant what he said at the river._

Lelouch chuckled. “For our first time, I want you to take me. I’ll let you. Suzaku, _I trust you_. I want you. And I’m going to prove it to you.”

“You don’t have to—”

“But for now,” Lelouch said, continuing as if his boyfriend wasn’t interrupting him, “I’m not ready anyway, so this talk is pointless.” He kissed Suzaku again, a little more forcefully because Suzaku was still breathing protests into his mouth. Determinedly, his hands drifted to Suzaku’s belt and he tugged. Hard.

Suzaku went silent and froze, eyes popping open.

Lelouch smiled at him. “I’m not ready for sex,” he reiterated, because it was obvious Suzaku was getting the wrong idea. “I am ready to get completely naked with you, though, and…I want to touch you. I want you to touch me. Do you want that?”

“Is that a rhetorical question?”

“Oooh, points for the big word.”

Suzaku sniffed good-naturedly, face shining. “You’re rubbing off on me, I guess.” He let Lelouch take off his belt, pants, and boxers, feeling the familiar awkwardness that cropped up every time they pushed the boundary line back. Like their talks, though, each uncomfortable step became easier with practice. Purple eyes were nonjudgmental as they took in the whole of Suzaku's body for the first time, and Lelouch’s palm moved to automatically press against Suzaku’s scarred glass-and-shrapnel wounds from Shinjuku.

Lelouch raised his eyebrow, clearly a little distracted. “ _Something_ of mine is rubbing on you,” he allowed, voice catching.

Snorting, deeming a response to that unnecessary, Suzaku reached to pull at his prince’s underwear. “May I?” he asked respectfully. His fingers trembled with anticipation.

“Please.”

Suzaku's breath caught. _Lelouch never says ‘please.’_ He gingerly peeled black bikini briefs out and down, making Lelouch moan from the motion. Green eyes stared at Lelouch’s arousal, exposed openly for the first time ever in another's presence. Suzaku felt a rush of trepidation, embarrassment, and want all rolled into one as he looked at Lelouch's completely naked body. _This is really happening_. Without thinking about it, Suzaku’s hand drifted spontaneously to wrap around that long, thin, hard Britannian shaft.

Lelouch jerked and pressed his moans into broad, tan shoulders. “ _Suzaku!_ ”

Immediately, Suzaku took his hand away, making Lelouch whimper. “Sorry, was I supposed to ask for permission?”

“I already gave you permission,” Lelouch forced out through gritted teeth. “Now _touch me_.”

Eager to please, Suzaku quickly resumed his hold and started stroking. His mind went numb at the realization that he was—finally—touching his prince _all_ over, and he moaned along with Lelouch at the feeling. _He’s so smooth when he’s hard, and he’s so solid in my **hand**. Oh god. I don’t want to wake up_. Then, too soon after he started, instead of stirring from a dream, he was pushed off.

Brow furrowing, Lelouch complained, “It hurts. It’s too dry.”

Suzaku tilted his head to the side. “You have lube?”

“No,” Lelouch admitted with a slight blush and a frustrated expression. “I’ve never…”

Nodding, Suzaku improvised and spat in his hand. “Saliva it is,” he decided cheerfully, getting back to work. Lelouch initially blanched at the solution but soon enough outwardly relaxed, letting out soft moans, at the obviously improved manual stimulation. Suzaku grinned and swept his thumb back and forth across the head of Lelouch's erection a few times, then went back to stroking his length. Suzaku reveled in Lelouch's reflexive shudders and groans, his own arousal spiking because _Lelouch_ was turned on.

Lightning jolts of sensation erupted along Suzaku's nerves a few seconds later when Lelouch reached out to return the favor, and his own hand slipped a little in its ministrations. He started shaking from the blissful touch, his focus narrowing to the hot pressure of Britannian fingers sliding up and down his weeping erection. Lelouch leaned in to kiss him, never stopping his movements. Suzaku moaned louder, returned the sloppy kiss, and quickly resumed pleasuring his boyfriend in turn, trying different speeds and pressures to figure out what Lelouch liked. He gasped as Lelouch played him in return, stopping his stroking to lightly tap his long fingers on the underside of Suzaku's shaft—as if he was playing his piano on Suzaku’s cock.

It didn’t take long until Lelouch had to contend with worse than sweaty palms now that their relationship had progressed. Suzaku groaned lengthily in satisfaction and soaked in Lelouch’s enraptured expression as he fell into an understandable daze. After several long moments, Lelouch seemed to come back to himself and realize what had just happened; he glared disgustedly at the white, sticky substance coating his hand.

Suzaku followed his gaze, blinked, and shook his head affectionately. _Lelouch has always been grossed out by these types of things._ Determined to put his boyfriend at ease and take care of the mess quickly, he pulled Lelouch’s hand close and started to lick it clean.

Immediately, Lelouch snatched his hand away and stared at Suzaku with a disbelieving expression. “Suzaku, what are you doing?!”

Cocking his head, Suzaku offered, “…Cleaning?”

“With your tongue?!”

Suzaku chuckled. “Um, yes?”

Lelouch grimaced. “That is absolutely putrid.”

“I like it,” Suzaku countered. Lelouch ate pretty healthily; his come didn’t taste like much but it wasn’t _bad_. It was hot because it came from _Lelouch_. Suzaku cracked a grin and simply enjoyed being the first person to make his prince orgasm, a possessive thrill skittering down his spine as he said, “But if you don’t want it, I won’t do it to _you_.”

Lelouch just stared at him, deadpan.

Drawing himself up straighter, Suzaku brought his own hand to his mouth and licked Lelouch’s essence clear off with several strokes of his tongue. He made a show of moaning at the taste, and was pleased to note that his prince was being affected.

“This is repugnant,” Lelouch sniffed but still flung his dirtied hand out and ordered Suzaku to finish what he’d started.

Rolling his eyes, the soldier complied with his prince. His own come didn’t taste much different, but he was more focused on the fact that he was licking it off _Lelouch’s_ hand. Because _Lelouch_ had touched him down there and worked him through an orgasm. The memory made Suzaku feel like floating all over again. “Are you sure you don’t want to try?”

Lelouch hurriedly shook his head. “No, I think I’ll just let you…”

By the time Suzaku was done, they were both hard again and conveniently blessed with time and privacy; sometimes it paid to be teenage boys. Suzaku leaned in for a kiss, letting Lelouch hesitantly taste them on his tongue. “Is it that bad?” he asked once they’d parted, gasping.

Lelouch squirmed. “Give me some time,” he said, and Suzaku grinned and leaned in again. Their kisses and touches escalated as they always seemed to these days and, frantic to be closer, Lelouch scrambled forward.

Suzaku reached out to take Lelouch in his hand again, but the prince stopped him with a tug on his wrist. Confused green eyes flicked to the prince’s sweaty and unwavering face.

Lelouch took a fortifying breath. “I want…” He didn’t finish with words, instead opting to pull Suzaku close and climb into his lap—and press them together as close as they’d ever been.

Forest green eyes shot open wide at the intimate brush of cock-on-cock, and Suzaku moved to clutch his prince’s hips. “ _Le **louch**!_ ”

“This okay?” Lelouch panted as he started rocking his pelvis, his eyelids fluttering from overwhelming pleasure. There was still some leftover spit and some new precome to help them slide together. His left hand curled possessively around the soldier’s lower right back, and the bed bounced beneath them from the force of their movements.

Suzaku’s eyes almost rolled into the back of his head. “K—Kami-sama, _hai_ ,” he groaned, somehow remembering, grabbing tighter at Lelouch and rolling them down lengthwise onto the bed. Lelouch didn’t even blink as Suzaku positioned himself on top, one of his legs sliding between his boyfriend’s, and took control of their thrusting; Lelouch only spread his legs and worked to keep up with Suzaku as their naked cocks slid against each other in electrifying friction.

Lelouch’s powerful moans reverberated around the room as Suzaku rubbed the full length of their bodies together, intimately pressing them flat, chest-to-chest as they frotted. What started off as quick and frantic turned slow and sensual as they simply enjoyed moving together, savoring the emotional connection and equality. Their limbs caged each other close as they kissed, easy and deep and gasping for breath. Suzaku sighed as his heart raced against his boyfriend’s; he’d never felt so close to Lelouch. There was no penetrative action, but Suzaku felt like they were merging as he stared intensely and lovingly into brilliant violet eyes.

(Somehow, he’d ended up with something better than he’d asked for.)

As before, they came soon enough, and Suzaku felt himself kissed harder in the afterglow when Lelouch realized they’d gotten their shared essences all over that accursed dress of Milly’s.

*/*

That evening, as soon as Suzaku left, Lelouch made the executive decision to invest in some lubricant.


	9. Solving Problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented, left kudos, started following my Tumblr, etc. :D
> 
> Thanks to my lovely beta-reader, TheGeminiSage, for looking over this whale of a tale. She is love. ~~Go read her Undertale comic, Refuse. :D~~
> 
> Please enjoy the slow burn romance and let me know your thoughts. I really want to know how the relationship-building is coming across. Or if you have a favorite part or quote, please share so I know what I'm doing right. If I could improve something, let me know that, too. <3
> 
> WARNINGS: Things get a little ramped up and intense. Warning for slight dubcon for a moment if perceived that way, but everything is consensual and gets addressed.

“Lelouch, did the bed just move?”

At the rather innocent question, Lelouch froze and cursed C.C. _Why did she have to suddenly show up out of nowhere **now** to get her stupid pizza hut plushie? _ He worked to calm himself down, not wanting to spoil his time with Suzaku. “I’m sure it was just us moving around,” he concluded aloud.

Suzaku was silent for a moment. He fearfully looked around the dark bedroom before leaning down and whispering in his boyfriend’s ear, “Lelouch, I think there’s a monster under your bed.”

With tremendous effort, Lelouch kept his eyes from rolling.  “If there is,” he said, picturing a certain green-haired immortal, “then I’ll protect you from her.”

Suzaku cocked his head to the side. “Her?” he repeated, bewildered.

Lelouch’s eyes widened at his careless slip-up.  Clearly, having Suzaku on top of him was crushing his brain cells.  “Well, not all monsters are male,” he pointed out, trying to be logical. “There’s got to be an even mix of sexes so the monsters can reproduce.”

Suzaku shivered at the thought and pressed himself closer to Lelouch beneath him.

Heart quickening, Lelouch savored the feeling of Suzaku plastered atop him.  “Don’t be scared,” he chided. “Have I ever let the monsters get you before?”

With his eyes tightly closed, the soldier gave a quick shake of his head.  They both recalled how, as a child, Suzaku had been scared of monsters to the point where he couldn’t sleep at night.  The first time Suzaku had admitted that fear to Lelouch, the unflinching Britannian prince had scoffed and confidently proclaimed that monsters were simply products of people’s imaginations—they didn’t exist.  But that had done little to help Suzaku’s fear, and he'd still had trouble sleeping. 

The following night, Lelouch had approached him, admitted he was wrong, and calmly said that he’d discovered the monsters’ weakness.  Suzaku had been skeptical, but when he’d curled up that night beside Nunnally, Lelouch had stayed seated by his head to ‘keep watch.’  Suzaku had fallen asleep to the feeling of his friend’s fingers soothingly stroking his head, and he’d buried his face in Lelouch's leg so the bright light from their lantern didn’t invade his eyes.  In the morning, he’d woken from a restful sleep, and Lelouch had tiredly bragged that he’d fought off the monsters in the middle of the night.  Suzaku had pointed out how farfetched that sounded—after all, Lelouch could barely fight off a grasshopper on his arm—but the fact remained that the monsters hadn’t hurt him, and Lelouch was the one who’d come to his rescue. 

Then the war had hit, and they’d both learned that monsters _were_ real—they were just different from the bygone summer fantasies, and those monsters weren’t afraid of light.

-+-

Seeing the light on in the Student Council room on his way home from a day with the Black Knights, Lelouch decided to poke his head in and investigate. It was mostly dark out and the meeting should have ended hours ago. It was the beginning of August, the start of a new school year, so there shouldn’t be too much work to keep the Council members busy _this_ late. He stared in surprise as he found Suzaku alone slugging through backlogged paperwork; the Japanese boy had a dark bruise under his eye but wasn’t paying it any mind. Lelouch’s heart clenched. New year, old bullying. He hadn’t seen Suzaku except in passing for several days since the soldier was called away by the military, and seeing him hurt upon his return struck a chord. He’d thought Suzaku would be absent again and had planned a Black Knights operation accordingly, but it seemed he’d miscalculated.

“You missed the Student Council meeting,” Suzaku informed Lelouch flatly, as if he didn’t already know.

Without flinching, Lelouch nodded. His eyes narrowed at the contusion gone untreated. There were no ice-packs or creams in sight, and Lelouch—knowing his boyfriend as he did—highly doubted Suzaku had tended to his wound earlier. Refocusing, he answered, “Yes. I had something more important to take care of. Was Milly mad?”

“Frustrated,” admitted Suzaku. He stared Lelouch in the eye and flung out, voice dripping with accusations, “You’re up to something. You’ve been disappearing quite a bit lately.”

Lelouch frowned and steeled himself, feeling extra defensive. He was already seething about Suzaku’s injury, and said boyfriend’s questioning wasn’t helping matters. “Funny you should notice,” the prince replied, voice a bit chilly. “Considering how much you run off to play soldier these days.” _How dare he blame me?_

Suzaku froze for a second, then slammed his palms flat on the table and stood up. “Do you have a problem with me being in the military?” he hissed.

“You know I do,” Lelouch tossed back automatically. “Especially with how you’ll fight for them but…” _But you won’t fight for yourself._

“But what?” Suzaku asked tersely, shoulders stiff. He glared at his boyfriend. “Let’s hear it.”

Lelouch thinned his lips and shook his head. “Nothing,” he bit out. _There’s no need to get into the bullying issue again right now. He’ll just shut down._ “Forget it.”

“No, I _won’t_ forget it,” Suzaku quipped back petulantly, stomping his foot for emphasis. Arthur fled up his cat tree.

Lelouch leveled an ‘Are you serious?’ look at his childish boyfriend, eyebrow arched. _Is he going to lie on the floor and throw a tantrum next?_

Momentarily embarrassed, Suzaku glanced at the floor. Shifting, he looked at Lelouch and blurted, “Anyway, I’m not the one getting into trouble. I bet you’re getting mixed up in something dangerous thanks to all your bad habits.”

“My bad habits?” Lelouch repeated darkly. _This is turning ugly fast. Where is all this coming from?_

Suzaku scowled and rambled off, “Yeah, your gambling, your truancy, your lying, and your tendency to tell people off.” Before Lelouch could defend himself, Suzaku added, “It’s a wonder Nunnally turned out so well with you as a role model.”

Lelouch’s eyes widened with shocked fury. “You did _not_ just bring Nunnally into this.”

“I think I did,” retorted Suzaku, green eyes narrowing. “You know I’m right, too.”

Eyes narrowing to slits, Lelouch growled, “You crossed a line, Suzaku.”

“That wasn’t denial,” Suzaku crowed triumphantly. “Nunnally’s also curious about what you’ve been up to,” he continued, not backing down from the sensitive topic. “But I guess that’s okay. I guess we can both _forget it_.” He plopped back down, arms folded.

Lelouch’s glare deepened and he took a measured step forward. “I can’t believe you.”

“I can’t believe _you_ ,” Suzaku emphasized. “Now get out so I can finish. It’s not like you want to be here.”

Instead of listening, Lelouch walked over and picked up the top few sheets of paperwork. “Don’t tell me what to do,” he ordered, tone calm but strict. _Who does he think he is?_ “By the way, you’re doing this all wrong.”

Face scrunching, Suzaku turned his glare to the table. “Oh, am I?”

“Yes,” the brilliant schoolboy affirmed coolly. “You’re supposed to organize club requests by the number of members, not the financial amount. Milly wants to reach the most students as possible and money isn’t an issue for the Ashfords.”

Fisting his hands, Suzaku sunk a little lower in his seat. “Well, _thank_ you, Lelouch,” he huffed sarcastically.

Lelouch tossed his head. “I could have sworn I’ve gone over this with you once before. How could you not remember?”

“Average people need to hear things several times before they learn it!” Suzaku cried out, scooting his chair farther away from the prince.

Lelouch threw the papers on the table. “This is just like our secret code when we were kids. You couldn’t learn the hand signals back then and you can’t do the paperwork correctly now. How useless can you be?” He knew in the back of his mind that this was crossing a line right back, seriously calling Suzaku stupid after all the times he’d tried to build up Suzaku's self-worth, but Lelouch was so incensed he didn’t care. He had to hit Suzaku where it hurt.

“There were over five hundred stupid signals!” Suzaku roared, his whole body trembling from the insult. “Normal people could never learn them all! And what do you mean ‘useless’?!”

“Are you calling me abnormal?” Lelouch asked icily, ignoring Suzaku’s question.

“I’m calling you _impossible_ ,” Suzaku said heatedly.

Lelouch sighed. “Really? That’s the best you can come up with?”

“I’m _sorry_ I’m not _you_!” Suzaku shouted, turning his back on Lelouch. He hunched over in his chair and was silent for a long moment, shoulders shaking.

Lelouch stood his ground, mulling over his options. Suzaku was being emotional and irrational. If Lelouch was honest with himself, he was on edge, too. Bringing Nunnally into the argument had really rattled him. He had to handle this delicately—

“Fine,” Suzaku suddenly snapped out of nowhere and stood up, turning around to glare at Lelouch. He snatched up some papers and hurled them at Lelouch’s chest, raging, “If you’re so good at it, _you_ do it. God knows you have more work to catch up on than _me_. Maybe you’ll remember us when you’re off hiding!”

Dumbfounded and resistive, Lelouch stared as his boyfriend stormed from the room.

Suzaku didn’t come to him that night.

-+-

Rivalz was saying something, but Suzaku couldn’t focus. He knew it was rude but he just couldn’t help himself. His thoughts kept straying to his argument with Lelouch last night, and he winced with resurrected guilt. _I acted like an immature brat_ , he scolded himself. _I way overreacted. What if I’ve lost him?_ After all the waiting, now that he’d seen and touched Lelouch all over and especially with how close their hearts had connected, the thought was unbearable. Their relationship had become so important. How could he give it up? How could he have lost control like that?

“Hey, man, what’s wrong? Is it the bruise?”

Shaking himself out of it, Suzaku stared at Rivalz. “Huh?”

Rivalz cracked a grin and readjusted himself against the desk. “Look, Suzaku,” he said in an amicable tone, “I know Lelouch is your best friend and all, but you have us, too.” He smiled. “I can tell something’s bothering you, buddy, so what’s up?”

Suzaku felt a rush of warmth towards Rivalz for his friendship. He mindlessly played with a pencil as he considered what to say. _I can tell the truth without revealing **everything** , _he decided. Taking a deep breath, he shared, “Actually, Lelouch and I had a fight last night.”

Rivalz cringed in sympathy. “Ouch, man. Lelouch can be cold when he wants to. What happened?”

A part of Suzaku wanted to defend his boyfriend; how could Rivalz talk about Lelouch like that behind his back? Yet, he knew Rivalz didn’t mean anything by it. After all, it was true. Lelouch _could_ be cold when he chose to be. Lelouch _wanted_ that reputation because it kept people away and protected his secrets. With another sigh, Suzaku explained carefully, “Lelouch showed up in the Student Council room after everyone else left. I kinda…got on his case…about how often he’s been gone.” _Among other things_.

Shaking his head, Rivalz said, “Yeah, I bet that didn’t go well. Lelouch doesn’t like being scolded or told what to do.”

“I know.” Suzaku hung his head. “Especially when it seems he’s hiding something. Anyway, then he got on my case about missing school for the military.” Ashamed of what had come next, Suzaku skipped over some details and ended with, “He called me stupid.” His watery voice and slumped posture showed that this was more than Lelouch’s normal banter. Shaking himself out of it, Suzaku tacked on with a helpless shrug, “And I sorta…threw the paperwork at him and stormed out.”

Rivalz put a reassuring hand on Suzaku's shoulder, his face pinching in understanding. “That’s rough,” he sympathized. “Don’t feel too bad, though. I mean, Lelouch was wrong, too. In fact, he was kinda an asshole for hurting you so bad when he so heartlessly called you stupid.” He mimicked the brunet’s casual shrug as if to say, ‘Well, I’ve said my piece.’ Looking up, he added, “As for the first part, Lelouch doesn’t like people digging into his secrets, but you know, he’s still friends with me and all the others on the Student Council. We’ve all questioned him at some point. It’s like, I dunno, a rite of passage or something.” His grin widened. “The guy just keeps too much to himself.”

Suzaku nodded but bit his tongue. _You don’t understand what’s at stake_.

“Of course,” Rivalz mused thoughtfully, “I can’t remember anyone ever throwing something at him.” There was a gleam of humor in his eyes. “I wish I could’ve seen the look on his face! Was it as priceless as I’m imagining?”

“Probably better,” Suzaku hedged with a guilty smile.

Nodding, Rivalz squeezed Suzaku’s shoulder and finished, “Look, buddy, you can get away with murder when it comes to Lelouch. We all see that. Remember the rice incident last week?”

“Yeah.” Suzaku squirmed at the word choice— _if you only knew about my father_ —and reminisced on a better memory. Lelouch had come in to the Student Council room with rice stuck to the corner of his lips, and none of the other members had dared to tell him in fear of his anger. Only Suzaku had brought it up, and he’d even grabbed the rice right off Lelouch’s face and eaten it himself—to Lelouch’s eternal embarrassment. Afterwards, when they were alone, Lelouch had admonished him for the carefree intimacy in front of everyone before relenting and kissing him breathless, admitting that he _had_ found it to be kind of hot. Suzaku had joked that the next time, he’d lick the rice straight off Lelouch’s lips directly. That had eventually led to Lelouch jerking them off simultaneously against the bedroom wall, wrapping his long pianist fingers around both their cocks pressed tight together.

“Uh, Suzaku, you okay?” Rivalz asked concernedly. “You’re looking a little red.”

Hunching over to hide his body’s reaction, Suzaku nodded hurriedly. “I-I’m fine, Rivalz,” he said weakly. _Don’t notice I’m hard. Don’t notice I’m hard_ , he begged inwardly.

Still looking worried, Rivalz offered, “I think everything’s gonna work out okay with you and Lelouch, buddy. He’ll get over it. Just talk to him.”

Suzaku heaved a sigh. “You mean if he ever comes to class.”

“Well, he just walked in,” noticed Rivalz. “I’ll get out of your hair. Good luck, okay? Let me know how it goes.” With a friendly wink at the brunet, Rivalz waved to Lelouch across the room and left to find some other people to talk to.

Gulping, Suzaku raised his eyes and met his prince’s cold stare. Something in Lelouch’s expression flickered before his normal mask settled into place again. Suzaku’s chest felt tight, and the tumult of negative emotions killed his stirring libido. _He’s shutting me out. This is bad._

Lelouch walked slowly and deliberately over to Suzaku and cleared his throat. “We need to talk. Now.”

 _Shit. That’s the break-up line_ , Suzaku panicked. Trying to stall, he argued, “Class is going to start in a few minutes.”

One violet eye twitched. “What’s more important to you?” Lelouch demanded in a low voice. He clearly saw through Suzaku’s feigned motivation, and he was having none of it.

It took but a millisecond for Suzaku to decide. _It’s better to know so I can deal with it_. Standing up in answer, he said, “Lead the way.”

-+-

With a self-satisfied smirk, Lelouch turned and brought Suzaku to his bedroom—all the way across campus, in the Clubhouse Hall. It was a fairly long walk to be held in tense silence, and Suzaku felt jittery the entire time. By the time they reached the bedroom, Suzaku was almost hyperventilating. _He wouldn’t bring me **here** to break up, would he? Even Lelouch wouldn’t be that cruel_.

“What were you thinking last night?” Lelouch demanded, his tone steely as he spun on his heel to face Suzaku directly. He dug his hand into his pants pocket; when he pulled it out, he was clutching a black king chess piece in irritation.

Suzaku flinched back. _I guess I did start the fight_ , he reasoned to himself. Fidgeting under that weighty gaze, Suzaku tried to find the words but couldn’t. He remembered why he’d avoided Lelouch for seven long, excruciating days the last time they’d had a major falling out.

Folding his arms superiorly across his chest, Lelouch snapped, “What, you’re just going to stand there?" His fingers flexed around the unyielding chess piece. "Do you even want to fix this?!” 

Suzaku trembled at the lashing question. His tongue still felt heavy in his mouth and his vocal cords seemed broken. He didn’t know how he’d manage to speak, so he relied on what he did best: action. Face hardening with determination, he strode forward, leaned in, and pressed a simple kiss against Lelouch’s lips. The chess piece clattered to the floor. Something unfurled in Suzaku's chest when the prince returned his kiss, albeit tentatively. Lelouch wasn’t pushing him away.

Encouraged, Suzaku pressed in closer. Lelouch went along with him but wasn’t as active or into it as normal; his hands hung by his sides. Scared again that he was losing Lelouch, Suzaku backed off the tiniest bit and begged in an anxious mumble, “No, _please_ , kiss me.” Something in his tone or expression must have conveyed how urgently he craved it as Lelouch leaned in again, softly pressing their mouths together. Suzaku sighed weakly with relief against his boyfriend’s lips before he wrapped his arms around the prince’s lithe frame; one hand cradled Lelouch’s skull while the other circled his waist. He pulled Lelouch impossibly closer and surged forward, desperation backing his movements as he bent Lelouch slightly backwards with the force of his kisses.

Pale, slender hands moved to grasp Suzaku’s upper arms, holding on as Lelouch slowly started to kiss back harder, and Suzaku relished his prince’s reaction.

Tilting his head for a better angle, Suzaku plundered Lelouch's mouth. His knee found its way between Lelouch’s legs, making the prince jerk as Suzaku rubbed against him. It took a bit longer than usual for Lelouch to give in, but Suzaku’s heart soared when the older boy finally let out some hitched little moans—“O- _oh_ , Su _zaaaah-_ ku!” The soldier’s bold actions grew more frantic as he tried to imprint on his lover what he couldn’t vocalize: _I need you_.

The frenzied contact escalated as the minutes ticked by, but somewhere in the one tiny corner of the soldier's brain that still worked, Suzaku realized that his own enthusiasm far surpassed Lelouch’s, though it wasn’t as if the Britannian prince was just standing there passively. The knowledge and the fear of what it could mean—that his prince was holding back for some reason—led Suzaku to ramp up his touches even more. Understanding how picky Lelouch was about clothes, Suzaku had always respectfully undressed him; now, not thinking and driven by panic, he recklessly wrenched his boyfriend’s uniform jacket open and ripped every single button clear off of the white undershirt. There were several slight pinging noises as the buttons fell and rolled everywhere, joining the black king on the floorboards. Lelouch made a muffled sound into the brunet’s mouth, which Suzaku guessed in hindsight might have been a protest of his uniform’s destruction; recognizing that, the soldier aimed to distract with a particularly forceful nipple twist that he knew his boyfriend typically liked. Lelouch jerked against him with a groan, and Suzaku felt his prince’s cock harden the rest of the way. Satisfied with the response, Suzaku repeated the motion.

At long last, Lelouch started thrusting against his thigh—hesitantly at first but gaining intensity with time—and Suzaku breathed another sigh of relief that his boyfriend’s reciprocatory responses were intensifying with passion. Lelouch continued to grip Suzaku's upper arms for dear life, holding on like he was afraid he might fall off a tall bell tower to his untimely death if he didn't. Something still felt off, however, so Suzaku pulled Lelouch even tighter against him—though it hadn’t seemed possible—and tried to squash whatever was wrong between them.

“Ah, _shit_ , ‘zaku—”

Letting out something between a growl and a moan, Suzaku wedged a hand between their mashed-together bodies. One-handedly, he roughly undid Lelouch's pants and let them sling low on the prince’s hips. On a mission, Suzaku yanked at those offensive black briefs until those, too, were out of his way; he may or may not have torn them in half. He would keep going until he fixed this, whatever it was. Never did he cease the vigorous kissing.

“Ooooohhhhhh…”

Suzaku smirked at the drawn-out sigh, pleased with himself if still unsettled, and slid his hand to the prince’s newly-exposed backside. Swallowing Lelouch’s rapid breaths, the Japanese boy squeezed a handful of royal Britannian ass.

Lelouch _whimpered_.

Heartened, Suzaku did it again. Lelouch's fingers constricted tighter around Suzaku's upper arms. Sighing into Lelouch's mouth, Suzaku started to massage the fleshy skin in his hand, every so often switching cheeks. Lelouch kept thrusting against him, smearing precome all over the outside of the brunet’s uniform pants; Suzaku didn’t care. He wanted proof that Lelouch still desired him. He didn’t want this to end.

“…Suzaku, Suzaku…”

Feeling daring, the heat clouding his judgment, Suzaku swiftly swept his fingertip along Lelouch's sensitive perineum as he explored unasked between Lelouch’s ass cheeks.

Lelouch froze, purple eyes popping open, and snapped, “Stop it!”

Suzaku jolted at the harsh tone, head clearing, and complied instantly. “Okay.” _Oh no! What have I done?!_

Breathing heavily, Lelouch twisted free of Suzaku’s hold and tripped over his loose pants. He righted himself before falling and made it to his desk chair, miraculously not slipping on any buttons. He sat and ignored his now half-hard erection and ruined uniform hanging off him, violet eyes narrowed into slits as they stared at Suzaku, who was stationary ten steps away. “What was that?” Lelouch demanded.

“That was…” Suzaku couldn’t find the words. _Shitshitshit_. At least his vocal cords worked again.

Lelouch’s hands shook as he tried to tame his wild hair. “I told you I wasn’t…ready for that,” he reminded Suzaku reproachfully.

Suzaku felt as sickened with himself as when he’d killed his father. “I…I’m sorry,” he whispered, squirming. _I’m such a screw-up._ “I wasn’t even thinking.” _If Lelouch wasn’t going to break up with me before, he surely will now!_

“So you got carried away,” Lelouch surmised. “At least you stopped when I told you to.”

Suzaku lifted his chin, eyes wet, and sniffled. “I would never do anything without your permission, Lelouch. I wasn’t gonna…you know…”

Lelouch stared at him impassively for a long moment before nodding. “I know,” he said finally. “I trust you.”

Suzaku’s heart skipped a beat or two. _Even now?_ he wondered, but couldn’t make himself ask it aloud. He swallowed the words stuck in his tight throat.

Turning a thoughtful gaze at his upset boyfriend, Lelouch gentled his tone and asked, “What got into you back there?” He tried to fasten his shirt before encountering empty air where the missing buttons had lived. Lowering his hands, he picked at his frayed clothes and glanced downwards—the direction all his esteemed assets usually vanished—and clearly tried to pretend he hadn't forgotten the buttons' violent demise. “I mean, you’re normally passionate, but that was just…”

“On a whole other level, yeah,” Suzaku agreed, sweeping a hand through his curls. He squirmed and shrugged. “I just…I just…” He trudged to the bed and sat opposite his prince. Meekly, he explained, “I didn’t want to lose you so I just…got desperate…”

Lelouch blinked. “ _Lose_ me?” he echoed blankly.

Suzaku nodded, still trying to hold back tears. “Because of our fight.”

Purple eyes widened. “Suzaku,” Lelouch said firmly, “you’re not going to lose me. It was just one little fight. We had tons of them when we were little.”

“Yeah, but—”

“I’m not going to jump ship if things aren’t always perfect between us, Suzaku,” Lelouch assured him. He tugged his hanging shirt sides into place, even though he couldn't hold things in place without the proper equipment. “We’re extremely close so we’re going to fight sometimes, especially because we’re both too damn stubborn. That’s natural. There’s no way around it.”

Suzaku cocked his head. How could Lelouch be so calm and rational? Sighing despondently, Suzaku said, “But I was out of line.” He closed his eyes, seeking solace in the darkness instead of the light burning in pools of violet. “I said a _lot_ of things I shouldn’t have, particularly about Nunnally. I threw your worst qualities in your face but I didn’t say a word about your millions of virtues.” Opening his eyes, he finally let loose, “Sorry.”

“I know you didn’t really mean it,” Lelouch said with a casual wave of his hand. “I know you tend to speak without thinking, especially when you’re upset.” He cleared his throat and paused a significant moment before saying, “I wouldn’t break up with you over something like that.”

Suzaku relaxed slightly, though the guilt still churned in his stomach. He didn’t feel as much like crying. Looking to the side, he ventured, “I also got on your case about leaving all the time. Is that worthy of a break up?"

Lelouch shook his head. “I didn’t appreciate it, sure, but I wouldn’t take drastic action against it. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I assume it’s the same way you feel when I ride you about staying in the military.”

Suzaku thought about it a moment before nodding. “I can see that.” He looked back at Lelouch consideringly. “You know, I _don’t_ appreciate when you do that.”

“I’m not sorry,” Lelouch said quickly. “That’s the way I feel and I always will. I wish you’d quit.” Holding up a hand, he amended, “ _However_ , the way I snap at you about it is unacceptable.”

Something in Suzaku’s chest loosened, and a little bit of that lingering ‘wrong’ feeling drifted away. He smiled and looked down, then blushed and jerked his head up. “Could you cover yourself or something?” he asked. “It’s hard to take you seriously when your junk is standing up over there.”

Gaping, Lelouch flushed and did up his pants. He grimaced at forcing his partly rigid penis into the confines of clothes again.

“That’s a bit better,” Suzaku said, voice still strained. At least their circumstances were the same now.

Smoothing down his clothes, Lelouch steered them back on track. “I meant what I said.”

“Good. And, uh,” Suzaku added, “the way I approached you was wrong, too. I’ve been worried and I exploded with anger. Once I started, I couldn’t stop and I said a lot of things I didn’t mean.” He couldn’t control his runaway mouth as he kept trying to explain, hoping that at least one chunk of his word vomit would resonate with his boyfriend. “I guess I had a string of bad days with the military—Zero’s giving us the run-around—but that’s no excuse. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I don’t know what came over me and I’m so, _so_ sorry, Lelouch.” Suzaku's chest felt even lighter now that he’d gotten all the right words out, and the world seemed to be fixing itself in a way it rarely did. His smile grew more genuine.

Lelouch smiled back, having listened patiently throughout the entire speech. “Okay, then,” he said simply. He seemed exceptionally pleased based on his smile and the glint in his eyes. With a slight toss of his head, he rose gracefully to his feet—or as gracefully as he could manage with a small tent in his pants—and walked over to sit beside Suzaku on the bed. He grabbed tan hands in his. “This is good,” he said. “We can learn from this.”

“Don’t have bad days?” Suzaku suggested.

Laughing, Lelouch shook his head. “We’re going to have bad days, Suzaku. There’s no way around those, either.” He squeezed Suzaku's hands and shared, “What I got from this was that at first I didn’t think you wanted _me_ anymore; it felt like I was just a warm body to you. It didn’t feel very special or genuine.”

“I did want _you_!” Suzaku burst out, his voice cracking. “I was so desperate for you, Lelouch. I couldn’t find the words or make my voice work, so I was trying to _show_ you how much I needed you,” he rambled, his words almost running together. “I…I wanted to convince you to stay with me, and to do that I had to let you know how much you mean to me. How much _you_ mean to me, Lelouch, not anyone else. I never once forgot it was you in my arms. Keeping _you_ close was the whole point!”

Violet eyes widened at the confession. “Suzaku,” Lelouch breathed, clasping the brunet’s hands harder than ever. “I…didn’t… Your kisses and touches grew so ferocious, I thought you were just expressing your anger at me in a new way.” Steadying himself with a deep breath, Lelouch filled up the space left by the soldier’s stunned and shamed reactionary silence. “When I was in my right mind, I didn’t like that you were using kisses and sexual touches—things I previously associated only with your simple love and affection—to demonstrate your rage. It didn’t match up.”

“I was just clueless and desperate,” Suzaku reiterated with a wince. _I soured our kisses with negativity. How could I do that?_

Lelouch swept a hand frustratedly through his hair. “From my side, how could I have known what you were truly feeling? Without talking, we miscommunicated again.” He sighed despondently. “It added problems on top of the pile we already have. Now, though…” Beginning to smile, he leaned closer to Suzaku and noticed, “Now that we’re reaching out to one other, it reminds me of what we learned back when we got together. I guess we forgot: We need to talk things out calmly so we can move past the problems—together.”

Listening intently, Suzaku nodded. “We’ve been so good at communicating about the sex stuff, but we haven’t done so well with some of the other things,” he realized.

“Mhm,” Lelouch hummed. “As smart as I am, I can’t read your mind. I need you to talk to me. And I do mean _talk_ , not throw out passive-aggressive remarks.” Ignoring Suzaku's abashed look, Lelouch sighed softly and rested his forehead against his boyfriend’s. “I love you deeply, Suzaku, but that animalistic performance didn’t exactly help us move forward. It’s not all on you, either; I let myself get distracted and we both spiraled." Pulling back, he recommended, "Let’s agree to discuss our problems with level heads and not use sex as a way to solve them.”

Suzaku closed his eyes for another long moment, thinking it over. Lelouch's suggestion made sense, even though it sounded hard. Facing problems head-on with someone was scary as hell. But if he couldn’t talk to _Lelouch_ , how could he talk to anyone?  He didn’t want to say the wrong thing and lose his boyfriend, but apparently he’d gone down the wrong track anyway by basically _mauling_ him instead of _trying_ to talk it out. That settled it. Determinedly, Suzaku peered straight into purple eyes. “Okay. It did feel wrong,” he admitted, feeling a wave of self-consciousness. “Even though that was more, uh, intense…it wasn’t as satisfying as it’s been before.” He still felt a few butterflies in his stomach.

Lelouch’s smile widened. “We weren’t on the same page,” he pointed out. “There were all those unresolved issues and feelings between us, keeping us apart. It makes a difference.” Reaching for a readymade solution as he saved a lost button, he said, “Next time, if you don’t think you can talk without crying or something, just tap your throat and I’ll understand that you need some time to find your voice. I feel better knowing that’s your real reason instead of you just not wanting to talk to me, or wanting to downgrade our relationship to merely physical…”

“I would _never_ want those things,” Suzaku declared firmly. “You mean too much to me, my prince. We…we both wanted to communicate our desire to fix things, but in our own way.” Holding up his pinky, he said, “I see what happened now, and you’re right. I promise to talk things out with you when I have problems. I won’t pull something like this again.”

“Not that your attention wasn’t satisfying in its own way,” Lelouch said hastily with a red face as he cocked his head and linked his pinky with Suzaku’s, understanding where Suzaku was going with things; he didn’t utter a single word about how this approach was childish or beneath them this time. They were moving forward. Lelouch conscientiously rubbed down his cuticles. “If I really wasn’t into it, I would’ve pushed you away completely and, well, on a base level, I…really liked you being rougher with me. God, that was _so_ hot. Just, do it for the right reasons next time, okay?” Moving on swiftly from the embarrassing revelation, he dragged their smallest fingers up and down in the tradition of the Japanese promise, requesting dryly, “Please tell me we don’t have to do that awful rhyme to make this count.”

Suzaku laughed, both embarrassed and aroused at the prince’s admission, and shook his head, feeling lighter than he had in days. “This is enough, Lelouch,” he said, green eyes bright. He finished the pinky promise and repeated lowly, “This is enough.”

Leaning back, Lelouch let go of Suzaku’s hands and brushed his fingers through the brunet’s hair, trying to smooth it down. “As for last night, we both said and did things we didn’t mean in the heat of the moment, and now the only thing we can do is move on,” he summed up. “And think of it this way: At least you didn’t punch me in the face and call me a ‘Brit shit.’ So, don’t worry anymore.”

Chuckling a little at the reminder of their first fight (and heartened by how far they’d come since then), Suzaku clutched his hands together and bravely said, “But I do worry. We’re not done yet, Lelouch.” The prince blinked, and the soldier continued, “The issues weren’t fixed. We’re both still upset about the way things are: You don’t want me enlisted, and I’m concerned about all your mysterious disappearances.”

Lelouch frowned. “True,” he acknowledged. “But those are just things we’re both going to have to learn to get over.” He stared hard at Suzaku and asked, “Is that a deal breaker? Are you going to leave me if I keep my secrets?”

Suzaku bit his lip and took the time to give this decision the weight it deserved. _I hate it when he’s gone. I worry myself sick over him. But how could I give him up?_ _Nothing is worth that!_ “No,” he decided aloud. “I won’t like it, but I’ll live with it.” _Unless…_ A horrifying thought struck him. He shifted uncomfortably on the bed and forced himself to ask, “You’re not…you’re not cheating on me, though, are you?”

“Of _course_ not,” Lelouch said decisively. Immediately. His face and tone were sincere. “I love _you_ , Kururugi Suzaku.”

More of the tension in his muscles faded away, and Suzaku breathed a sigh of relief. “I love you, too, Lelouch.” Remembering some of his awful words last night, he added, “And Nunnally is really lucky to have you.”

Lelouch smirked. “And I’m really lucky to have _you_ , Suzaku.” He gently seized Suzaku's chin and tilted his head up before murmuring, “I’ve never wanted anyone else. And so you know, I don’t think you’re useless or stupid.”

 _But that part’s true, Lelouch. I can’t do anything right, even apologize. Look at what happened just now!_ Suzaku shifted embarrassedly and muttered, “I’m really not as smart as you.”

Smirk widening, the brilliant boy quipped, “Who is? I’m in a category unto myself. I can’t blame you lesser mortals for your comparatively lacking brainpower.” Lelouch winked and, still clutching Suzaku’s chin, dragged his face close for a kiss.

Suzaku smiled, feeling more comfortable with the playful teasing on Lelouch’s part rather than some soul-searching discussion addressing his insecurities. He knew it was coming—Lelouch wasn’t one to let it lie—but he was grateful to his prince for staving off for the moment, for knowing both _when_ and how to push. They really did know each other better than anyone.

Pulling back, Lelouch asked softly, “So are we good now?"

Suzaku dipped his head. He felt happier than he had in a long time. “Except for one thing,” he amended with a small smile. “Though I guess my horrible paperwork problem is an easy enough fix.”

Chuckling, Lelouch said, “I finished organizing all the paperwork last night, and I left it on the table for Milly. She’ll think you did it.”

“Even though you were mad about how I was completing the work?” Suzaku asked wonderingly.

Lelouch frowned and corrected softly, “I wasn’t really upset about _that_ , Suzaku.” Forehead furrowing, he traced his hand up Suzaku's cheek and let his fingers rest on the bruise. “Since we’re being honest, I was mad because I saw _this_.”

Green eyes widened. “You didn’t say—”

The prince pressed his index finger against the soldier’s lips, effectively hushing him.

Suzaku stilled as a somewhat-conditioned response.

“I knew you’d be upset if I brought up Worth, Bristol, and Remington,” Lelouch explained. “We never really talked through our last fight about them.” He played with the button he still held as he took time to think through his next words. “I wasn’t ready to open that can of worms, so I lashed out about something stupid instead,” he said, taking another deep breath. “I was also angry because you started insulting me first. Suzaku, you…you bring out the best _and_ the worst in me. I hurt you, and I’m sorry for that.”

“Oh,” Suzaku breathed against Lelouch's finger, eyes still stretched, taking a moment to digest everything. _He really is opening up to me. He’d never say this much to anyone else._ His heart beat faster with understanding. _Lelouch, you bring out the best and the worst in me, too. You drive me absolutely crazy._

Lelouch slowly removed his finger and replaced it with his lips.

Suzaku's heart beat faster than ever, and he dared to return the kiss a _little_ harder. _This_ was satisfying. Things felt right again. Lelouch moaned softly and responded in turn, which was even more satisfying. Breaking the contact, Suzaku pressed his forehead against Lelouch’s again and promised, “I’ll try harder to avoid _them_ if it will make you happy.” He leaned back and held up his pinky again.

Anger and frustration flashed in violet eyes, but Lelouch only groaned. “Not what I’d pick, but it’s better than nothing,” he conceded, sighing but linking pinkies with Suzaku. “For now, I can live with that.” Smiling softly, Lelouch kissed Suzaku once on the lips and once on his bruise before standing and saying, “Come on, let’s put some ice on that shiner.”

Not everything was perfect, but Suzaku still felt like flying as he took Lelouch’s hand in his.

-+-

The next day, as he fell into place by Lelouch’s side (where he belonged), Suzaku noticed Rivalz give him a secret thumbs-up from down the hallway.


	10. Learning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented, left kudos, started following my Tumblr, etc. :D
> 
> Thanks to my lovely beta-reader, TheGeminiSage, for looking over this whale of a tale. She is love. ~~Go read her Undertale comic, Refuse. :D~~
> 
> Please enjoy the slow burn romance and let me know your thoughts. I really want to know how the relationship-building is coming across. Or if you have a favorite part or quote, please share so I know what I'm doing right. If I could improve something, let me know that, too. <3

“So, a year from now, hopefully, we’ll be on our own. Where do you want to live?” Suzaku asked, lounging on the couch. The sitting room looked as bland as ever, but it was important because their _being_ there made it so; it was an alternative to being cooped up in Lelouch's bedroom. Now they needed to figure out _where_ would be important for them at the next stage of their lives.

Lelouch barely looked up from his laptop. “Japan, obviously,” he answered, sounding distracted.

Suzaku rolled his eyes. “ _Obviously_ ,” he snickered. For someone so smart, sometimes Lelouch had really simple answers. “But _where_ in Japan? What kind of house do you want? What are you looking for?”

Lelouch finished typing, leaned back, smiled, and closed his portable computer with a snap. “Suzaku,” he said warmly, “I can say without a shadow of a doubt that it doesn’t matter to me.” He raised his glowing eyes to his boyfriend’s. “The worst place I ever lived was that ramshackle storehouse on your family’s property. It was ancient, dirty, and _literally_ falling apart at the seams,” he said, letting a pause hang in the air for emphasis before concluding, “but I was the happiest I’d ever truly been because you were there with me. I just need you.”

“Lelouch,” Suzaku breathed, awestruck. He knew it was exaggerated—Lelouch was still mourning his mother and Britannian home at that point, so he _couldn’t_ have been the happiest ever—but Suzaku also knew that Lelouch tended to be dramatic to highlight his point. And what a point that was! Grinning dopily, he dragged his prince onto his lap for a kiss; the laptop ended up on the floor, though neither boy paid that much attention. “I just need you, too,” Suzaku echoed between lip locks. Pulling back, he looked spiritedly up into purple eyes and added, “But I think between the two of us, we can do better than an old storehouse.”

Chuckling, Lelouch agreed. “Anything else is just extra,” he added. “I can make do without lavish housing, but if it’s on the table, I like my extravagances.”

Suzaku raised an eyebrow. “This coming from the frugal little boy I knew who spared only what he could afford and racked up reward points for discounts.”

Lelouch shrugged unashamedly. “You forget that that frugal little boy happened to be a prince used to all the finery in life before being drop-kicked to poverty. I still have excessive tastes.” With a naughty smirk, he caught his boyfriend’s eye, teasing, “Case in point,” before leaning down and working Suzaku’s mouth open with his tongue.

“Oh my god, Lelouch,” Suzaku groaned raspily as he both inwardly and outwardly admired Lelouch’s oral talent, his hands fluttering up and down his boyfriend's slender body in worship. He sucked in a breath when his boyfriend pulled back. Giving himself a shake, he went on, “Do you want a _house_ or will an apartment do at first? Also, what about Nunnally?”

Face scrunching in thought, Lelouch answered, “I can’t abandon my little sister. With her needs, she has to live _with_ us. I know it’s not ideal for a couple starting out on their own, but…”

Suzaku smiled and shook his head fondly. “Lelouch,” he said reassuringly, “It’s _Nunnally_. I mostly suspected that would be the case. She’s family, so I don’t mind.”

“Sayoko comes, too,” Lelouch pointed out, his face shining from Suzaku's assessment of Nunnally as kin.

Suzaku dipped his head in acknowledgment. “I figured that, considering.”

“Maybe we could get a duplex,” Lelouch threw out thoughtfully. “You know, a house divided into two connected apartments. We’d still all be together, but you and I could have more privacy.” He slid his hand suggestively down his boyfriend’s chest, a suddenly roguish smirk twisting his lips.

Suzaku’s eyes lit up. “That’s a perfect solution, Lelouch. That’s why you’re the brilliant one.” He caught hold of Lelouch’s wandering hand and gave it a kiss, looking at his prince heatedly as he did so.

Lelouch sighed with pleasure and fidgeted in Suzaku’s lap. “That does help us pin down housing features, though. We need an open floor plan with her wheelchair to consider, and a place with a lot of curves instead of sharp edges because of her blindness. It needs to have ramps, or we need to be able to install some.” Tapping his chin, he added, “If there’s more than one story, we need elevator access. Stairs alone won’t do.”

Nodding, Suzaku confessed, “I would’ve forgotten a lot of those basic practicalities. There’s so much to consider!”

Lelouch shrugged it off, reminding his boyfriend, “I’ve been addressing Nunnally’s special needs for years. It’ll become second nature to you with time, Suzaku.” Snapping his fingers, Lelouch continued, “Oh, and we have to be close to her hospital. If we end up moving out of the Settlement, I can relocate her team of doctors with us—the Ashford family still has _some_ influence and Nunnally’s secret care has been one of their top priorities. Our living space just needs to be in close proximity to the new medical centers.” Catching sight of their cat on the windowsill, he added, “And if we rent, it needs to be pet-friendly.” They had to cover everyone’s bases—including Suzaku’s moral need to abide by a lease.

“At least this gives us a lot of direction,” Suzaku noticed.

Agreeing with a theatrical head bob, Lelouch tossed out, “And if we don’t find the perfect place, you could always become a construction worker and build it for us.”

Suzaku tilted his head quizzically. “A construction worker?”

With a shrug, Lelouch defended, “It’s better than being a soldier.” That suggestive smirk settled on his face again as he praised, “You’d be good at all that hard, manual labor needed for construction anyway, my knight.”

Suzaku shook his head and laughed, promising to think on it. For now, there were more important matters to address. He hesitated and hedged, “On that note, there’s another thing to consider, and I know you’re not going to be happy about it.” Muscles tensing, he breathed deeply and swept his hands up and down Lelouch's sides as he thought about what to say.

Frowning, Lelouch took care of it, as always, seeming to read his mind. “You’re talking about your status in the military,” he guessed.

Suzaku nodded. “There’s always the possibility I could be relocated. Army families tend to move around a lot. That comes with the job.”

Lelouch sighed with displeasure and fidgeted in Suzaku’s lap. “I’ll go wherever you go,” he assured. “Moving all the time will be a hassle, but I’m not willing to give you up just because of an inconvenient living situation.”

Suzaku grinned gratefully, pressing his face into Lelouch's shoulder. “We might not have to,” he said slowly, voice muffled. “I’m in good standing where I’m at, so my superiors might just renew my contract here for several terms to keep me around. They need to be in this general area for their research, and if they stay, then so do I.” Lifting his head, he kept smiling as if everything was going to work out for them just fine in the end. He had to believe in their dream.

“You’re that important, huh?” Lelouch teased, resting his forehead on Suzaku's. “I’m glad, though. That will make things easier.”

Suzaku swallowed. “Don’t get too excited yet, Lelouch. Remember, I’m a soldier. At some point, I’m _going_ to be deployed.” It was hard to voice, but he had to lay out all the facts. Lelouch had to know what he was getting into so that he could make an informed decision. Dating a soldier was one thing; tying his life to one was another. It was not to be taken lightly.

Lelouch scowled and brushed his fingers through Suzaku’s hair. “You’re right, I’m not happy to hear that,” he admitted. “But again, it’s not a deal breaker. I’ll wait for you. Always.”

“Lelouch,” Suzaku murmured again, breath hitching with emotion. He leaned up for another soft kiss. “You’re so strong.”

Lelouch blushed lightly at the compliment, though he should have been used to flattery dripping from Suzaku’s lips. “I won’t be alone, remember? I’ll have Nunnally and Sayoko while you’re gone.”

Suzaku smiled, starting to relax. “Good. You shouldn’t be by yourself. That duplex idea is really sensible for both sides, huh?” He took a deep breath, face radiant, and realized, “Lelouch, our plan is coming together.” His voice was full of wonder, and he once again felt unusually hopeful about his future. _Their_ future.

“We’re figuring out a lot of practical objectives,” Lelouch concurred with a small smile. “Let’s hope things actually pan out harmoniously.”

-+-

“Can we play some music?”

Lelouch raised an eyebrow. “ _I_ can play the piano, Suzaku. What instrument can you play?”

“You?” Suzaku answered cheekily.

Lelouch stiffened slightly at the innuendo. “Not funny,” he muttered.

Suzaku laughed. “Whatever. You _know_ that’s not what I meant. Let’s turn on a CD or something. I just think it might help set the mood.” As he spoke, he shooed Arthur out the door; neither boy felt comfortable with the black cat staring at them when they got up to sexual things. After all, what they had was private and should stay between them.

Lelouch raised an eyebrow. They’d never had trouble ‘setting the mood’ before. In fact, their _moods_ happened so frequently that they’d begun to interfere with Zero’s plans for the Black Knights. Things were taking longer than expected because the schoolboy-rebel leader just couldn’t drag himself from Suzaku’s side lately. While the Black Knights were still only doing small-scale raids as Zero built up his forces, reputation, and resources, Lelouch anticipated that his addiction to Suzaku would prove to be a bigger issue in the near future…but that was a problem for another day.

“It’s just something I want to try,” Suzaku mumbled, reacting to Lelouch's incredulous look.

Lelouch beamed encouragingly, trying to make his suddenly insecure boyfriend feel safe and comfortable as he acquiesced, “If it’s something you want, then of course we can do it.” He waved his hand imperiously for his laptop, and Suzaku brought it over with an indulgent smile. Lelouch opened his playlist with a flourish of his hand. “I know it’s probably not what you had in mind, but I have a lot of classical music…”

“We can start there,” Suzaku agreed to the compromise easily, and Lelouch started the soundtrack before reaching for his lover. Gentle instrumental music sounded through the bedroom, creating a peaceful atmosphere. Smiling softly back, Suzaku let himself be pulled to Lelouch's side. “There’s…something else I want to try tonight, if you’re up for it,” he said, sounding a little self-conscious.

Lelouch nodded against his hair. “I can’t decide unless you tell me what it is,” he said, his tone very straightforward. He felt a rush of excitement as he wondered what his boyfriend had in store for them. If it was anything like their previous sensual adventures…

Shivering, Suzaku leaned against Lelouch and started playing with a pillow. “I want,” he whispered, wetting his lips before continuing, “I want to please you…”

Blinking, Lelouch held him tighter. In the past couple of weeks or so, they’d gotten naked together and tried all sorts of touching; his favorite so far had been the frottage. Regardless of the one failed ‘almost inside fingering’ attempt, Suzaku _pleased_ him all the time. It had become less awkward and more satisfying every time, and it had gotten to the point where both boys expressed being _comfortable_ with each other, even to the point where they vivaciously competed to see who could make the other orgasm first. “You always please me,” the picky prince murmured, giving his lover a drawn-out kiss.

“…with my mouth,” Suzaku muttered once they finally released one other. Catching Lelouch's eyes again, Suzaku repeated frankly, “I want to please you with my mouth.”

Only a faint tinge of pink crept up Lelouch’s cheeks, proof of how often they had these types of conversations nowadays. The once prudish prince was—dare he think it—becoming desensitized. “You mean like oral sex?”

Green eyes glinted with desire and sudden confidence. “I mean like, yes, I want to suck your cock.”

There came the full blush—along with a spine-tingling rush of want. Lelouch cleared his throat, becoming hyper-aware of how his length grew and twitched at the idea—or maybe it was the dirty talk _._ Or both. Lelouch couldn’t tell _. Suzaku’s gotten saucy…and I like it._ He struggled to control his breathing. “…Okay,” Lelouch at last relented. “That is, I want that, too. Just, uh, no teeth.” He brought Suzaku's hands to his clothes, remembering how Suzaku preferred to undress him personally.

Grinning, Suzaku yanked at Lelouch’s uniform jacket while cheerfully agreeing, “No teeth.”

“Hey, watch it!” Lelouch warned, swatting at his boyfriend’s hands. When he’d told Suzaku how he’d liked it when the stronger boy was a little rough in bed, following their dreadful make-up make-out, he didn’t exactly mean that he wanted to re-sew his uniform up every time Suzaku got a little wild. He just wanted to revel in the intoxicating feeling of Suzaku’s power when he demonstrated his passion. Lelouch’s blood raced as he explained, “Milly’s already asking me why I’m missing some buttons.”

Suzaku raised an eyebrow but controlled his hands as he continued with his mission. “How does our dear Madame President know about that?”

Lelouch let his head fall back as Suzaku started to kiss along slowly-revealed skin. “She found my school clothes when…ah…I was wearing a costume…” He shivered as soft hair brushed tantalizingly against his bare chest.

Chuckling, Suzaku asked, “You agreed because you felt guilty about last time?”

Lelouch lifted his bottom so Suzaku could slide his pants off. “Mhm,” he groaned. “Don’t…don’t tell her…”

“That you felt bad? Never!” Suzaku vowed with a laugh, pushing his boyfriend back on the bed. Lelouch went easily and spread his legs in anticipation.

Suzaku licked his lips and pressed some extra kisses against his boyfriend’s navel, positioning himself between those inviting legs. Lelouch moaned and lifted his hips, making his erection wave and remind Suzaku what they had planned to do. Flicking his eyes up at Lelouch’s, Suzaku blew softly on the heated skin before tentatively licking the tip. Lelouch started to grunt before biting his lip, his hips jerking at Suzaku's touch. With a pleased smirk, Suzaku held down Lelouch's pelvis and slid his lips completely over his boyfriend’s stiff cock, suctioning his mouth as he took it in deeper.

Lelouch moaned the loudest he ever had, unable to control himself and funnily enough unable to care about that when his lover’s mouth was on him, and fisted the sheets in his hand. “ _Suzaku!_ ” the prince pleaded, his entire body quivering from stimulation. _Fuck. I never knew anything could feel **this** good._ “M-more…” He tried to thrust his hips up, but Suzaku’s hold on him was too strong. For some reason, that made him even more aroused. _You’re so powerful, Suzaku. Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop_. Every cell in his body needed his boyfriend to keep sucking, possibly forever. In a brief moment of clarity (lapsing straight back to insanity), Lelouch wondered how he could be Zero if Suzaku’s mouth was attached to his cock twenty-four-seven. He tried to imagine giving a grandiose speech in front of the cameras with his top half decked out in his Zero costume complete with mask and cape and Suzaku on his knees in front of him, obviously sucking him off for the world to watch—the attention was glorious. He groaned and struggled harder against Suzaku’s arms, frantic to thrust up into his boyfriend’s mouth. “ _More!_ ” he demanded shrilly.

Heeding his request, Suzaku enthusiastically bobbed his head, flicking his tongue at Lelouch's hardness and exploring to find the spots that would best make him writhe. Suzaku's mouth stretched around Lelouch's flesh, and he wrapped one hand around the base where his lips didn’t reach. Suzaku's other hand flew to play with Lelouch’s balls, every part of him clearly determined to bring his prince pleasure.

Head thrashing, Lelouch let go of the sheets and reached up instead to hold onto the slats of his headboard. “Oh, Suzaku, yesyesyesyesyesssss…!” he gasped as he got lost in his fantasy and the sensations. Ohgi and the others would just grow used to seeing Suzaku on his knees in front of their mysterious leader, like the Japanese boy was a permanent fixture attached to his person, the same as the mask. Like loyal knights, they’d be happy that their leader was getting good head constantly. They’d figure out that a pleasured Zero meant Japan’s freedom faster; he’d be in a good mood all the time, and he’d be motivated and invigorated more than ever. It would also solve his problem of trying to work the Black Knights around Suzaku, if Suzaku’s mouth was working around _him_ all the time. Tamaki would probably be jealous that Zero had it so good, and Lelouch—no, Zero—would be proud to show off his talented lover. Suzaku would suck him so good, just like he was doing now, and…

…and Suzaku was pulling off, causing Lelouch’s world to crash for a moment. Suzaku licked light, teasing stripes up Lelouch's ruddy erection.

Gasping, Lelouch bent his knees more and pushed off with his heels, struggling in vain to escape Suzaku's hold and shove himself back into that sorely absent mouth. _I need it!_ “Dammit!” he moaned. Sweat poured down his face. “S-suck me, Suzaku. It felt _so good_ when you sucked.”

“Like this, Lelouch?” Suzaku asked in a mock-innocent tone, drawing only Lelouch's tip between his lips and suckling with barely any pressure.

Lelouch hurriedly lashed his head back and forth, eyes wild. His blurry gaze sought his boyfriend’s. “God, Suzaku, you _know_ what I want! Give it to me!”

“I’m waiting on the magic word,” Suzaku taunted as his fingers started massaging pale hips. Daringly, he swirled his tongue around Lelouch's stiff member. As Suzaku bravely met a burning violet gaze, his eyes were dancing.

For a second, Lelouch felt like kicking Suzaku in his smug face. Instead, he simply hissed, “ _Now_!”

“That’s not it,” Suzaku informed him blithely. He blew on Lelouch's saliva-coated hardness. “Don’t they teach royalty manners anymore?”

“You. _Suck_!”

Leaning down—Lelouch’s breath hitched in anticipation—Suzaku bypassed his boyfriend’s jutting erection and nuzzled his balls, dropping smooth kisses on them and breezily flicking his tongue down there. “Wrong again, both times, and I don’t suck,” Suzaku chuckled. His tongue started to casually massage Lelouch's testicles, causing Lelouch to wriggle and strain in agonizing desperation. “Ah, Lelouch, your balls are _so_ sensitive,” Suzaku observed wickedly. “Maybe I should pull back and let you calm down…”

“For the love of god, _please_ , you rotten bastard! _Please_ put your mouth on me. _Please_ suck me. _Please_ go down on me. _Please_ **_suck_** _my **cock**_!” Lelouch shrieked, squirming incessantly and trying with all his might to thrust upwards. Desperate times and all that; Lelouch would sink low if it meant achieving his goal.

Apparently satisfied, Suzaku bent down and delivered tenfold. His lips wrapped snugly around Lelouch's pulsing length, and his sucks were strong and sure.

Lelouch groaned his approval (“Oh, _Suzaku_! Yesss, that’s iiiiittttt…”) and sank down weakly. The moist, hot pressure felt even better after the interruption. He spread his legs further apart and kept mindlessly trying to buck up. Once, Suzaku loosened his hold enough for Lelouch to thrust half an inch before wrestling his hips back under control. That brief exchange drew Lelouch higher than ever.

They both moaned obscenely loud, drowning out Mozart in the background, and Suzaku rutted frantically against the bedspread as he sucked and eventually swallowed the pleasure right out of his boyfriend.

Spent, Lelouch sunk into the mattress. It took him a few good moments to catch his breath and come back to reality. Exhausted, he idly noticed that there was a wet spot staining the front of Suzaku's pants; of course, going by the data Lelouch had collected about their sexual explorations, Suzaku always got off on getting _him_ off. Sated and gratified, Lelouch tugged Suzaku up for a kiss, not even pulling a twisted face at the taste.

“Good?” Suzaku asked, cuddling close afterwards.

“Amazing,” Lelouch corrected.

-+-

“I know you’ve had a rough day,” Suzaku sympathized, “so let me help you _de-stress_.”

Lelouch set down his black king stress relief tool and stopped rubbing his forehead, simply staring in astonishment at his newly-arrived boyfriend.

Grinning, Suzaku purposefully held up a couple bags filled with practical cleaning supplies. No matter that he didn’t know the root of the problem and that Lelouch had been tight-lipped about whatever was bothering him; it was Suzaku’s job to see to his lover’s needs. That meant… “Let’s have a housework party.”

A soft, genuine smile stole across Lelouch’s face as he took in the glass cleaner spray, the dusting materials, the soap, and the sterilizing wipes spilling out of the brunet’s arms. “You know just how to surprise me and cheer me up,” Lelouch murmured fondly, moving to kiss Suzaku on the cheek before starting to organize the purchases on the table. His keen movements showed how much he agreed that a cleaning extravaganza was the perfect idea to fruitfully unwind.

“I should hope so, by now,” Suzaku joked as he rolled up his sleeves. _Mission accomplished_ , he mentally congratulated himself. Lelouch’s happiness and relaxation were all the reward he needed, and while he wasn’t as _enthusiastic_ about cleaning as the fastidious prince was, Suzaku would do whatever it took to brighten Lelouch's day. “How do you want to do this?” At Lelouch’s blank look, Suzaku clarified, “Where do you want me?”

Tapping his chin, Lelouch asked, “Are you more comfortable vacuuming or doing dishes?”

A look of excitement crossed Suzaku’s face. “I’ll take the vacuum,” he said eagerly. As Lelouch nodded and started wiping down the kitchen countertops, Suzaku dashed zealously around the suite with the vacuum as if it was his new favorite toy. “Take that, dust mites!” he yelled, waving the hose like it was a sword; Suzaku just naturally synced with the vacuum like the machine was a smaller, alternate Lancelot. “I’m going to drive you out of Lelouch’s home! Take that! And that!” He dashed about with reckless abandon, miraculously not breaking anything during his wild cleaning spree.

Lelouch finished mopping the kitchen and left the room to let the floor dry. He found Suzaku in the sitting room, brandishing the vacuum hose at the couch cushions like they were on the attack.

“Back, I say!” Suzaku cried. He was outnumbered by dust mites, but he’d come out the other end of impossible battles before. “How dare you have Arthur’s fur stuck to you, Couch of Lelouch-Level Cleanliness! You must be stopped or my picky boyfriend won’t make out with me on you anymore!”

Lelouch cleared his throat with an amused look. “Picky?” he echoed, a little too innocently.

Suzaku spun around and waved the vacuum nozzle in sweeping circles, eyes wide at being caught. “Uh…”

“I’m going to forgive you because there is nothing hotter than my man wielding the vacuum like a boss,” Lelouch purred with approval. He took a deliberate step forward, slowly pushing some hair out of his face, and stared intensely at his lover. “Looks splendid.” He smirked and stepped closer, and as soon as he was within reach—

Suzaku grinned and playfully thrust the vacuum hose at Lelouch’s chest, suctioning part of his shirt.

Not everything had to be sexual.

(Thus started a round of tidying competition—“It is _on_ , Kururugi!”—where they ended up covered in more soap suds than the kitchen floor. Of course, Lelouch couldn’t let the productive housework party go without quipping smugly afterwards, “ _That_ is how you clean, Suzaku. Not with your tongue.”)

-+-

Those ignorant brutes needed a tongue-lashing, and it could not be put off any longer. _Enough is enough_ , Lelouch decided.

Stepping bravely in front of Suzaku, Lelouch leveled a glare of such disdain at Synclair Worth that the lead bully actually froze in his tracks. His two cronies bumped into him at the sudden stop, then turned their own scowls on their more liberal-minded Britannian classmate. Lelouch dismissed them with a lifted eyebrow and a superior toss of his head, focusing on the ringleader as he defended the Japanese boy behind him. “I understand you’re obsessed with Suzaku,” Lelouch mocked, “but this really isn’t healthy behavior.”

Teeth clenching, Anthony Bristol stepped out from behind his friend, rudely bumping into passing classmates in the hallways, and snarled, “ _You’re_ the one who’s obsessed with that dog.”

Worth slowly regained control of his motor faculties before nodding his agreement. “Yeah, Lelouch Lamperouge,” he said with a dark little chuckle. “I hear that you two are always disappearing together.”

Suzaku shuffled uneasily behind Lelouch.

Lelouch just smirked, never losing his cool. “What boring lives you must lead, gentlemen, to resort to gossiping about us. I can assure you that we’re not that interesting.”

“You wouldn’t think so,” Bristol muttered out the corner of his mouth to Remington.

Lelouch’s eyebrow rose higher at the aside comment. “If you need something to do with your time instead of bullying Suzaku or nattering like schoolgirls, I’m sure I can think up a few alternatives.”

“I’m sure I can think up a few _better_ ones,” Worth returned confidently, raising a fist.

Snorting, Lelouch eyed his fist with disbelief and sassed back, “I knew you were moronic, but I didn’t know you misunderstood the simple word ‘alternative.’ To clarify, Worth, it means something _different_ from before.” With a meaningful look at Suzaku, Lelouch tacked on slowly and contemptuously, “Oh right, you don’t like _different_. It’s such a shame that your closed-minded idiocy is allowed to run unchecked. Someday, though, reality is going to shit all over you and you’ll be trapped in a backwards-thinking prison with nowhere to go.”

Suzaku stifled laughter in the background, even as all three bullies turned red with anger.

“You’re a piece of shit yourself,” Bristol snarled, taking another step forward. “I don’t see why—”

Completely unruffled, Lelouch turned a serious stare on the lackey and interrupted—“Do you remember when I asked for your opinion? …Yeah, me neither.” Advancing a step closer to match Bristol’s implied threat, Lelouch glared and snapped, “Because I know your brains are rather rusty, and since they’ve never exactly been—shall we say—collector’s edition in the first place, let me remind you what you’re going to do next. Don’t worry, I’ll make this easy for you all to understand.” Ignoring their growls and gasps of outrage at the insults, Lelouch plowed on relentlessly. His eye twitched as he noticed in his peripheral vision, _There are too many witnesses around for me to use my Geass effectively and inconspicuously. For now, this will have to do._ “You’re going to leave Suzaku alone. I know you like playing with fire, but I _promise_ you that if you keep poking it, you’re going to get burned.”

The three boys looked amongst themselves. “Is that supposed to scare us?” Worth asked, clearly amused.

With a nonchalant shrug, Lelouch returned, “Your emotional reactions are your own prerogative.” Narrowing his eyes in warning, he squeezed the black king chess piece in his pants pocket (instead of the bullies' necks) as he added ominously, “I’m just being generous with the advice. I’d suggest that you heed it.” Turning on his heel as a clear sign of dismissal, he tugged on the brunet's arm and remarked casually, “Let’s go, Suzaku, and leave these pathetic degenerates to their deadbeat future.”

-+-

“What if you became a professional cat breeder?” Lelouch suggested as an alternative prospective career, violet eyes glinting wickedly. “After all, you have _such_ a way with cats.”

Suzaku glared at his boyfriend, holding his throbbing finger to soothe the pain from Arthur’s bite. “Not funny, Lelouch.”

-+-

“So, I know this is way too early to be asking, but do you want kids? I mean, eventually,” Lelouch clarified, tapping his chess piece on the board. A light blush stained his cheeks, but his gaze was matter-of-fact. They’d grown comfortable tossing out random questions and ideas for their future; it was almost a game now, except it was so much more than that.

Suzaku reeled back slightly. “Oh, uh, I’ve never thought about it,” he said. He slid a pawn two spaces forward and watched listlessly as Lelouch made to capture it before deciding to spare him. “I guess so? Someday?”

Lelouch grinned and moved his bishop instead, sliding in at an angle. “Same here. Well, I guess we’ll always have Arthur.”

Suzaku lifted his head, eyes wide. “Arthur?” he echoed, dumbfounded. The object of their conversation was stretched out on the bed, giving his paw a good wash.

Nodding slightly, Lelouch explained, “Arthur is your cat, by all rights, and what’s yours is mine, correct? So he’s ours.” Logic. Lelouch’s strong point.

“Oh my god, Arthur is our love child,” Suzaku realized with a blush.

“In that case, you’re a terrible cat parent, Suzaku,” Lelouch pointed out wryly. “You let that cat get away with biting you all the time.” He sighed melodramatically. “It might seem cute when he’s little, but the problem is only going to get worse if we don’t nip it in the bud early. We’re going to have to discuss discipline styles.” His face took on a pseudo-serious expression as he declared, “I’m not letting our cat grow up to be spoiled and violent.”

Jaw dropping a bit, Suzaku stared at his boyfriend. He mindlessly moved a rook without really looking at the board. No matter what, Lelouch always sent his mind spinning.

Lelouch coughed, sounding fake. “Oh, and another thing. Sometimes Arthur jumps into bed with us at night. How long are we going to let that continue?” He moved one of his own rooks.

Suzaku tried to make his voice work. “Uh…”

Shaking his head, Lelouch reminded Suzaku, “I mean, even after we got him that new cat tree and everything. He’s so ungrateful. I blame your influence.”

“What?!”

Lelouch tilted his head. “It goes back to what I was saying earlier, Suzaku. You let him get away with everything. You let him have whatever he wants. The cat needs consequences if he’s ever going to learn!” He slammed a fist on the table, making the chess board and pieces rattle. “And then you go out and buy him new cat toys? Of course he’s going to learn he can keep biting and taking over our bed.”

Suzaku took a deep breath. “Lelouch, he takes up a foot of space by our ankles. It’s not a big deal.”

Pursing his lips, Lelouch pointed out, “There you go again. Minimizing his bad behavior. You have to look at all the facts, Suzaku.” He glared. “Our cat is out of control and we need to step up and stop it. For Arthur’s own good, we need to be better cat parents!”

Suzaku rubbed the back of his neck and sighed, his lips twitching. Sometimes Lelouch took his roles a bit too far.

“Maybe Arthur would turn out better if you were around more,” Lelouch flung out accusingly. Was this another ploy to get Suzaku to quit the military? Face scrunching, Lelouch challenged, “How’s a cat supposed to grow right when one of his main caretakers is gone half the time? He’s not getting the family structure he needs, Suzaku.” He inhaled deeply and demanded, “When are you going to put _our cat_ ahead of your damn job?!”

Closing his eyes for a second, Suzaku sighed again. “Lelouch…”

Lelouch mock-glared at him over the forgotten chess game. “Maybe he’s acting out because he feels abandoned by you. He just wants your attention, Suzaku. Can’t you give our cat a little more attention? I can’t do everything by myself, you know.”

“But I…”

Lelouch shook his head. “No, Suzaku, don’t make excuses. Just be a better cat parent. For me. For Arthur. Let’s be a family, dammit.”

Suzaku buried his face in his hands, and his shoulders shook with laughter. After a couple moments, he lifted his face, green eyes twinkling, and confessed, “Having kids with you would be never be dull, my prince.”

“Naturally,” Lelouch agreed with a smirk, suddenly slipping out of his role like he was shedding a mental costume. “Meanwhile, Arthur is damn lucky to have us.”

-+-

Lelouch's next idea was more realistic. “You’re such an exercise nut, what if you became a health and fitness trainer? Or a professional athlete?”

Suzaku blinked. Both those ideas had merit. “Those sound like me,” he allowed carefully. Interested but noncommittal.

“Let me paint you a picture to help you decide,” Lelouch said with his usual leer. “You’d finish working out. I’d follow you to the changing rooms. I’d peel your clothes off and lick the sweat off your skin…”

Suzaku groaned and hurriedly crossed his legs.

Lelouch scooted closer on the couch, rubbed Suzaku's crotch as best he could reach, and murmured invitingly right into a tan ear, “I’d kiss and lick you all over, my knight. I might even _suck you off_ , right there in the locker room…”

Suzaku came in his pants at the mental image, and Lelouch got to do extra laundry. It was a win-win.

-+-

Both Lamperouge siblings were sitting at the table reading—Nunnally’s book was Braille—when Suzaku walked in with a couple bags of groceries. Arthur was catnapping on Lelouch’s lap, and the prince was absentmindedly petting him from head to tail as he immersed himself in Shakespeare.

“By the footsteps, that must be Suzaku,” Nunnally noted. “Welcome back.”

“Welcome home,” Lelouch added, his simple word change significant, as his attention piqued. “What have you got there?”

Suzaku greeted them both and shifted the bags in his arms, answering, “I got some stuff for dinner. I noticed we were running out of the basics and we’ve been using a lot of soy sauce lately, so I figured we were running low on that, too. Also, the spinach is in our fridge is getting a bit droopy, and I know you like your salads fresh…”

Nunnally tilted her head with a smile. “That’s very kind of you, Suzaku,” she praised.

“You didn’t have to do all that,” Lelouch said, though he, too, was smiling—most likely at the inclusive pronouns. “That’s Sayoko’s job.”

Suzaku shook his head. “I know you go grocery shopping a lot yourself, Lelouch.”

“Yes, but—”

“So I took care of it this time,” Suzaku interrupted. He lifted the bags a bit. “I’m going to put these away. I’ll be right back.”

Lelouch immediately shot to his feet, dislodging a suddenly yowling cat, and followed Suzaku into the kitchen. “Wait!” he yelped, “You don’t know where things go!” Arthur trotted at his heels and swiped at Suzaku for drawing his warm lap away. (Lelouch tended to jokingly share Arthur’s sentiment: Everything was always Suzaku’s fault.)

Suzaku shot Lelouch a bemused look, sidestepping Arthur’s claws with practiced ease; it was the teeth that always got him. “The milk goes in the fridge, Lelouch.” Suzaku opened the refrigerator and carelessly shoved the bottle to the back.

“Yes—no!” Lelouch responded fussily. “It goes on the third shelf inside the door, all the way to the right.”

With an exaggerated shrug, Suzaku moved the milk to the exact specified location. “The spinach goes in here, too,” he added.

Lelouch frowned and, before Suzaku could put the bag of vegetables anywhere, rushed to explain, “It goes in the bottom drawer, directly between the lettuce and the baby carrots. It’s a spatial arrangement.” He let out a held breath only when the spinach was nestled in the right spot.

Raising an eyebrow, Suzaku lifted out the soy sauce and opened a cabinet. Arthur jumped on the countertop and followed his humans back and forth across the kitchen.

“Not there!” Lelouch shrieked. “It goes in the cabinet on the far left—no, Suzaku—I mean, yes, that’s the right cabinet, but you didn’t put it in alphabetical order—‘s’ comes after ‘o’ so put it on the other side of the olive oil—for goodness sake, let me do it!” With a huff, Lelouch stalked forward and carefully arranged the soy sauce just so.

Suzaku watched with an indulgent smile and held up a loaf of bread.

Lelouch snatched it from him and put it in its rightful home in the breadbox.

Eyes twinkling, Suzaku held up some eggs.

Determinedly, Lelouch took them and placed them inside the fridge on the top shelf, exactly six inches from the side of the wall. “At least you got the right brand,” he grumbled.

The process continued with Suzaku holding out the groceries and Lelouch putting them away and organizing them perfectly where they went. Arthur got distracted by the smells of food and gave up on chasing Suzaku—for the moment.

“I’m glad you’re contributing as part of our family,” Lelouch said as he added some bananas to the fruit bowl. “It’s about time I got you comfortable enough here to do this. Watch out though, Suzaku—keep it up and I’ll start assigning you chores. Then you might as well move in officially.” He put some granola bars away, arranging the boxes from largest to smallest inside the cabinet. “I don’t know why you’re holding out,” Lelouch continued, stacking some soup cans. “You know you always end up doing what I want anyway.”

“You say that,” Suzaku teased, “but I’m the one who just got you to put away all the groceries.”

Lelouch’s jaw dropped and he sputtered, “Y-you played me?!”

Suzaku laughed. “I know all your organizational systems by now, Lelouch.” Suzaku drew a disgruntled Lelouch to him by the hips for a kiss, murmuring, “Give me some credit.”

“How annoying,” mused Lelouch as they finished and walked back to the dining room, shoulders bumping, “to be bested in my own kitchen.”

Suzaku snorted. “I thought it was _our_ kitchen? ‘What’s yours is mine,’ remember? They’re your own words.”

Lelouch sighed theatrically and swept a hand through his hair. “No, Suzaku, that only works when _I_ say it. When it’s to _my_ advantage.”

“Because _that’s_ fair,” Suzaku chuckled sarcastically. “I guess that means you _really_ wanted Arthur to be our love child after all.” The cat’s ears twitched at hearing his name. Suzaku slid into a chair across from Nunnally.

Tossing his head, Lelouch retorted, “‘Fair’ is an illusion. And of course I did. I’m tired of you not pulling your weight when it comes to our cat.” Instead of sitting in his previously occupied seat, he straddled Suzaku’s lap, hands clutching the brunet's shoulders.

Suzaku rolled his eyes and looked up at Lelouch's face. “I did the groceries.”

“Does Arthur know that?” Lelouch challenged, digging his fingers Suzaku's shoulders harder. “Does our cat see how much you do? How much you care?” He took a deep breath, purple eyes narrowing as he kept up the charade, and argued, “Or does he only see how _manipulative_ you are towards me, the one who really takes care of him? Honestly, tricking me like that…”

Nunnally’s brow furrowed as she listened, peering in their direction. By her slight gasp, she probably figured out why their voices were coming from almost the exact same spot.

Suzaku bit his lip, but there was laughter in his voice when he dared to respond, “Really, it was too easy, Lelouch. If anything, _you_ let yourself be played.” He swept his hands down Lelouch's sides and held his hips.

“That’s right!” Lelouch declared, voice suddenly growing stronger. His knees squeezed Suzaku's sides. “I did it myself! I was in charge the whole time! I went along with your little scheme to spare your feelings!”

Exhaling noisily, Suzaku muttered, “Uh huh. Right. That’s why you looked so shocked and mad. By the way, that’s a cute expression on you, my prince.” He stretched his neck for a peck, and Lelouch dropped his face to oblige him. It was just a typical, lazy Sunday afternoon at the Lamperouge suite.

They were interrupted by Nunnally’s giggles. “You two argue like an old married couple,” she informed them jovially.

The two boys shared a glance, and Lelouch settled himself flush against his boyfriend, chest-to-chest. He reached for his discarded book to pick up where he left off. Arthur draped himself across Suzaku’s shoulders, his front paws kneading Lelouch’s upper body since it was literally right there.

“Well, can’t argue with that,” Suzaku said finally. He leaned his head on Lelouch's shoulder. “Speaking of marriage, you’ve already planned our wedding, haven’t you?”

“Every detail,” Lelouch affirmed.

Nunnally clapped.

-+-

Lelouch applauded his next genius career solution. “I’ve got it!” he said, snapping his fingers and looking slantwise at his boyfriend. “What if you kept doing mechanical or engineering work—but just _not for the military_?”

“I guess I _have_ gained experience,” Suzaku said hesitantly. It looked for a second like he wanted to say something else, but he just smiled extra bright to cover it up a moment later and changed the subject.

-+-

The next time Suzaku went food shopping for the Lamperouge kitchen, he carefully put each item away under Lelouch’s watchful eye—proving that he had, indeed, memorized every single organizational method Lelouch utilized.

-+-

“What did you get for number fifteen?” Suzaku asked, tapping his pencil against his borrowed math textbook. He shifted in his seat at the dining room table in the Lamperouge suite and looked pleadingly at Lelouch a couple chairs away. He took a small sip of water. “I don’t know what to do.”

At the question, the young rebellion leader blinked and tore himself from his Black Knights battle plans. He had some nagging feeling about his tactics, some odd detail that wasn’t fitting in like it should—but he couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was or what needed to be changed. Which of his strategies could be more effective?

Taking a break from the source of stress, Lelouch stopped fiddling with his black king chess piece, slid down a seat, and looked over the struggling brunet's shoulder. Suzaku’s scrap paper was a mess, full of half-finished equations and cross-outs of both their names in various stages of legibility. In the margins, he’d scrawled a list of future job possibilities: automotive mechanic, firefighter, detective, and vet tech. Lelouch inwardly crowed at Suzaku's initiative. In answer to the homework question, Lelouch dropped a single pale finger onto one of Suzaku’s names on the scrap paper. “Clearly, you need to insert this piece—” he murmured, dragging his finger from Suzaku’s name to one of his own decorating the page and continued, “—into this one. Then you solve for sex.”

Suzaku choked back a snort and sighed. “Lelouch, I’m serious. I need to get this done before work tonight.” He glanced up at his boyfriend. “You can be wittily sexy after I finish.”

Lelouch backed off with a smirk, but dutifully grabbed the textbook and started to tutor Suzaku. “And when you do it this way,” he finished, giving Suzaku an expectant look.

“I got zero!” Suzaku crowed triumphantly. “When I solved for X, I got zero.” He dragged Lelouch to him for a thank-you kiss, which the prince gladly reciprocated.

Lelouch nodded upon pulling back, trying to catch his breath and ignoring the twang in his chest at Suzaku’s words. _He means math. Get it together_ , he coached himself. “Very good,” he praised Suzaku. “Now can I be wittily sexy?”

Suzaku laughed and playfully shoved his boyfriend’s shoulder. “I have the rest of the page to do,” he reminded Lelouch. “I’ll get it done fast so we can have some time together.”

Lelouch nodded and moved back to his original seat at the table to give his boyfriend some thinking space. They each had their own area to spread out their work, which helped them stay focused and had the secret added benefit of Lelouch being able to plan Black Knights operations with slightly better privacy. They each had a glass of water and they shared a bowl of trail mix between them for a homework snack. “That sounds like a plan,” he replied with a smile, holding back his disappointment. It was good that Suzaku took school seriously. “What time do you have to go in tonight?” It was not good that Suzaku was still so devoted to the damn military.

Face wrinkling, Suzaku looked at the clock. “In a couple hours.” He groaned. “Not enough time…”

Lelouch purposefully put down his pencil. “Suzaku,” he said, voice low and serious. “We’ve been over this before, but…tell me again, why?” At Suzaku's fake questioning look, Lelouch felt his muscles draw tight with tension. _Stop giving me that_. He worked his jaw for a minute before elaborating, as if Suzaku didn’t already know, “Why are you still with the military?”

Suzaku closed his eyes for a second and pushed his math homework away, giving all his attention to Lelouch. They’d agreed to talk out their problems. “Because I want to save lives,” he answered determinedly.

“But…”

Suzaku turned to face him square-on. “Lelouch, if I can save even one person, then it’s worth the abuse.”

Lelouch clenched his hand into a fist. “It’s not worth it to me,” he pointed out. With a soft but unyielding look, he added, “I won’t stand to lose you.”

Eyes gentling, Suzaku said, “You won’t lose me, Lelouch. I’m not going to die. I promise.”

“You can’t promise that.”

Suzaku winced. “You have to trust that I’ll fight to come home to you. Always.” He leveled his gaze back on Lelouch. “I’ll fight to protect you, and I’ll save as many people as I can along the way.” His eyes grew shiny. “Lelouch, _you’re_ my reason for fighting.”

 _You’re mine, too._ Suzaku had become as important a motivation as Nunnally. Lelouch left his plans for Narita in his English textbook and slowly stalked back down the table. A declaration like that deserved _at least_ a kiss. By a kiss, he meant two. Three. A dozen. In the middle of a heady impromptu make-out session, Lelouch found himself kneeling between Suzaku’s legs. He rubbed the bulge straining against Suzaku's black uniform pants, making the brunet moan and squirm. With a devilish smile, Lelouch unclasped the pants and, with Suzaku's help, managed to slide the offensive articles of clothing out of his way.

“L-Lelouch?” groaned Suzaku, obviously struggling to focus. “What are you—?”

In answer, Lelouch swallowed him whole.

Suzaku let out a strangled cry as Lelouch eagerly dipped his head and twisted his tongue, relaxing his throat a little more each time he sank down. He didn’t go far, being completely inexperienced, but it was enough. Suctioning noises added a nice backdrop to the moans emanating from them both.

Lelouch’s left hand migrated to its home above Suzaku’s Shinjuku scar tissue, and his right hand worked in tandem with his mouth to draw grunts and groans from his aroused lover. _Oh my god. He’s in my mouth. I have Suzaku in my mouth!_ Eyelids slipped to half-mast as Lelouch sucked, getting used to the feeling of an erect cock filling his oral cavity. _He’s so hard on my tongue_. As with other things they’d done, it felt strange initially but not necessarily bad. Also like with most other things they’d experimented with, Lelouch found himself growing to like it the longer he tried it. The rush of power helped, especially with Suzaku losing it more than Lelouch had ever seen before. He remembered his boyfriend’s mouth on his own cock, and he could understand why. It must feel just as spectacular to Suzaku.  _I’m going to make him feel amazing. He deserves it, especially after everything he’s done for others. After what he’s done for **me**._ Looking coyly up at Suzaku’s eyes, Lelouch touched the tip of his tongue to the roof of his mouth, letting Suzaku’s cock rub on the underside of his tongue while simultaneously protecting his gag reflex.

Suzaku _howled_ and his eyes slid shut automatically from the extreme sensation. He visibly struggled to open his eyelids and look around the deserted room before moaning out, “…Nunnally…?”

Lelouch stopped and lifted his head clear, letting out a shrill, “ _What?_ ” He looked as scandalized as possible with saliva dribbling from the corners of his mouth and pre-come smeared on his lips. His left hand fluttered.

Chest heaving, Suzaku licked his lips and managed to string together a worried explanation of, “What if…Nunnally and Sayoko…”

“Oh,” Lelouch said simply, relieved beyond measure. He leaned down and licked a stripe up Suzaku’s cock, making his boyfriend shudder. _What we have is special and should stay between us, but…_ Voice velvet smooth, Lelouch dared to try something new and replied, “Then I suppose they’ll get the show of a lifetime when I make you come.”

Suzaku’s cock twitched at the idea. Or maybe it was the dirty talk? Lelouch couldn’t tell. Suzaku thrust his hips into the air, searching for that wet heat. “ _Fuck_ ,” he groaned.

Lelouch chuckled darkly. “Does it excite you that we might get caught doing such inappropriate things at the dining room table?” _It’s not like we’re trying to **intentionally** have sex in front of people_. He drew the tip of his boyfriend’s erection into his mouth and suckled lightly, letting his fingers brush provocatively against the base before almost tickling the balls. Lelouch teased Suzaku until he was squirming and begging—payback could not be sweeter—before adding more satisfying pressure for ten seconds before pulling off completely.

Suzaku jerked with pure desperation. “ _Lelouch! **Please!**_ ”

“Lie down on the table,” Lelouch ordered breathlessly.

Suzaku let out a string of unintelligible vowel sounds, blinking rapidly, before clumsily clambering onto the table (trail mix spilled everywhere) and lying back, his outstretched cock dark, swollen, and covered in Lelouch’s spittle. “Shit, Lelouch, this is _literally_ a wet dream come true,” he groaned. The wood table creaked under his weight, especially as Lelouch yanked Suzaku's hips down a bit so his balls hung over the edge; they dropped and swung awkwardly in the air. Spasms wracked his weakly dangling legs.

“Oh, is it?” Lelouch asked, genuinely surprised and rather turned on. _He’s dreamed of me pleasuring him with my mouth on the table? We need to start sharing these wet dreams with each other._ With a wicked smirk, Lelouch ducked down and lightly sucked Suzaku’s left testicle into his mouth. His hand confidently reached up to stroke Suzaku's erection, his spit making for a smoothly wet handjob. He alternated between sucking and massaging the testicle with his tongue, almost like he was Frenching Suzaku’s genitals.

“ _Fuck_ , Lelouch!” Suzaku gasped. “Only it was…reversed. It was— _ahhh_ —at that…Orange Café…restaurant…and I…sucked you off…in front of everyone…like you were…my dinner…” He inhaled deeply and gave up the struggle for coherency. “ _Kami-sama_! Kuso! Chikusho!”  Both tan legs kicked out on either side of Lelouch’s head as Suzaku’s whole body snapped taut with pleasure. His hands held fast to the table edge, his fingers gripping the wood so tight they lost color.

Lelouch smirked wider and switched sides, sucking on and tongue-massaging Suzaku's right testicle as he kept stroking the shaft with his hand. _Like I was your dinner, huh? Now there’s a thought. What sauces should I add to Suzaku’s cock to make a mouthwatering blowjob recipe?_ As Lelouch planned, he felt the familiar zings shoot through his body at Suzaku’s devolving into Japanese. After a moment, his other hand reached to gently fondle the neglected ball and even the scrotum. Angling his head, he tried to fit the entire right testicle in his mouth but his neck started to cramp.

“Kimochi ii!” Suzaku thrust up into Lelouch’s hand, moaning louder when Lelouch moved _with_ him and kept mildly sucking on his testicle. Suzaku thrashed his head, neck straining at the intense pleasure. “Onegai…!”

Heart racing at Suzaku's reactions, Lelouch gave one last medium suck to each testicle before pulling off. He swallowed, licked his chafing lips, and raised his body to look at Suzaku spread-eagle on the table. Arousal shot through Lelouch, the rest of his blood flowing to his cock; Suzaku looked goddamn amazing, laid out before him and his for the taking—tan body flushed and chest heaving, eyes burning and mouth panting… Lelouch took a long sip of water to ease his cotton mouth and swallowed again, pressing a kiss into Suzaku's inner thigh. “You’re fantastic,” he said lowly before butterfly-kissing his way up Suzaku's erect cock and sinking down again over the tip. His hands massaged tan thighs.

Suzaku let out soft sighs and moans, wordlessly brushing his fingers through Lelouch’s hair but not pushing down on his head.

Lelouch felt his chest grow warm from the loving caresses. _This is supposed to be about him, but he’s still thinking about me_. With a groan, he shifted his head and sucked harder. He licked and suckled and slurped and fondled for what felt like forever. His jaw was starting to cramp, but he refused to give up. He intentionally moaned to inform Suzaku that he enjoyed pleasuring him, knowing his lover would worry otherwise that it was all one-sided. He didn’t want anything to detract from his boyfriend’s experience. Lelouch moaned a second time, and then moved his head again for a different angle—then again moments later when that position also felt too uncomfortable. Like his battle plans, he must be missing something. _I want to make him feel good, but come on! I didn’t take this long, did I?_ The thought was both profoundly embarrassing and annoying; he was even too aggravated to be jealous. _Sexual stamina is supposed to be a good thing, but damn, my jaw. Not that I dislike having Suzaku’s cock in my mouth, but there’s got to be an endpoint soon, right?_

Suzaku’s body trembled.

Sporting a look of determination, spurred by near-lockjaw, Lelouch resorted to using all the tactics he’d learned for the occasion. He drew back to suckle only the tip, then wrapped both hands around Suzaku’s shaft and gently but firmly twisted in opposite directions as he pumped in a hand-over-hand rhythm. Using his arms and elbows to hold down Suzaku's suddenly bucking hips (as much as he could manage) Lelouch repeated the move—once, twice, three times—before flicking his tongue into an almost-hidden hole at the tip of Suzaku’s cock. _It’s about focusing on the right areas and capitalizing on them_. Applying more pressure with his tongue, he used all his moves in unison (including his moan).

As if that was the trigger point, Suzaku’s toes curled as he finished, and he only barely managed to warn Lelouch out of the way beforehand: “Kimochi yoku natte kita! Iku!!”

Lelouch pulled off, sputtering, and ducked to the side, managing to avoid most of the spurts. A little graced his cheek and hair, but most of the mess landed on the table. Some drops even decorated Suzaku’s scrap paper and math textbook. Satisfied, Lelouch massaged his throat and jaw but smiled and left Suzaku to his post-orgasmic haze, retrieving a wet washcloth and liquid cleaning products to take care of the spills (and sterilize _everything_ ; Lelouch belatedly remembered that Nunnally ate off that table). Still, cleaning didn’t detract from his sense of accomplishment. _I did it._ _And for the most part, Suzaku felt wonderful in my mouth._

“You’re _incredible_ ,” Suzaku breathed once he’d regained his mental faculties—and apparently control of the Britannian language.

Lelouch smirked again, pleased with himself, and took another long sip of water. “Naturally,” he agreed when he was done. He continued to clean up his boyfriend and make them both presentable, seeing as how Suzaku was still too overcome to function. Noticing Suzaku eye his pants, Lelouch flushed. “I…ah, came from sucking you.” _I didn’t even touch myself. I orgasmed just from pleasuring **you**. What does that say about us, Suzaku?_

Suzaku gaped at him, stunned. “Y-you…”

Lelouch cleared his throat. “So don’t worry about returning the favor. Or anything.”

Suzaku could barely manage a nod. “You were great,” he said again. He slowly pushed himself off the table and reclaimed his original seat, tugging at his sweaty clothes. “Especially for your first time. Really wonderful.”

“I learned from the best,” Lelouch threw out smugly.

“Aw, Lelouch, I haven’t even gone down on you _that_ many times,” Suzaku mildly protested, a sheepish blush blooming on his cheeks.

Lelouch chuckled, languidly leaning back in his chair. “It’s cute that you think I was talking about you, but I meant the experts on the advice forums I found on the Internet.”

Again, Suzaku gaped at him. “You…you…”

“Do your homework, Suzaku,” Lelouch directed with another self-satisfied grin. With Suzaku suitably distracted and his own mind re-focused, Lelouch pretended to do an essay but instead worked on his Narita battle plans. He felt compelled to check his work again, to run through his tactics and make sure everything was perfect. Suzaku’s strong, inspiring conviction about saving lives kept tugging at his thoughts, and he finally discovered the root of that niggling feeling in his brain. _The electrode. I need to adjust the angle to be more accurate. I miscalculated at first._ His eyes dilated and he felt dizzy, starting to shake at the close-call. He’d almost struck at the wrong area, and then he’d have only capitalized on misfortune.  _If I hadn’t caught this, the mudslide would have had a much wider effect. All those innocent people at the bottom of the Narita Mountains…_

Still trembling, Lelouch slammed his papers shut in his book and stood up. Suzaku stared at him quizzically from down the dining room table. With a burning gaze, the prince strode over to his soldier and kissed him in silent gratitude. Suzaku squeaked at the sudden onslaught, but Lelouch just held him tighter and kissed him and kissed him and _kissed him_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations (from Google):
> 
> Kami-sama: God  
> Kuso: Shit  
> Chikusho: Dammit/Oh hell!  
> Kimochi ii: It feels good  
> Onegai: Please  
> Kimochi yoku natte kita: I'm starting to get off  
> Iku: I'm coming


	11. Achievements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More SuzaLulu relationship shenanigans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented, left kudos, started following my Tumblr, etc. YOU CAN MESSAGE ME ON TUMBLR TOO, JUST FYI. :D
> 
> Thanks as always to my lovely beta-reader, TheGeminiSage, for looking over this whale of a tale. She is love. ~~Go read her Undertale comic, Refuse. :D~~
> 
> I also need to give credit to women-books-coffie on Tumblr, particularly this post (used with permission) which I referenced for a scene towards the end: http://women-books-coffie.tumblr.com/post/150597624712/so-i-was-just-doing-a-research-and-holy-shit. ALSO CREDIT TO THIS LOVELY PERSON FOR FEEDBACK RESULTING IN AN IMPROVED CHAPTER 11 **(re-posted on 12/14/16)**. (Specifically concerning the flowers and bank scenes.)
> 
> And lastly, I took several lines of dialogue for one scene straight from the English dub Newtype Special Sound Episode, "The Third Reason." If you haven't listened to it, go do yourself a favor. :D

Lelouch couldn’t hide his surprise when Suzaku plopped down next to him under the tree and retrieved a new book from his school bag. Tilting his head in curiosity, Lelouch wondered, “What are you doing?” They’d taken to going on 'half-dates' to the local park—just for a change of scenery—where Suzaku did whatever exercise he enjoyed that day in a mostly secluded field while Lelouch sat under a nearby tree with a book or his laptop. They were spending time together, yet still giving each other space to pursue their own interests. The system actually worked quite well for them, and Lelouch privately admitted that it was more thrilling to read or plan strategy when lifting his gaze treated him to the sight of his lover. However, it was strange for Suzaku to join him with a book rather than blast off into a whirlwind of physical activity.

With a warm smile, Suzaku showed Lelouch the nonfiction book. The large book cover read _Living with a Sibling with Special Needs_. Clearing his throat, Suzaku said with a slightly sheepish look, “I realized after we discussed housing that even though I know a lot from being around you guys, there’s still so much I need to learn about providing the best care for Nunnally.” Gesturing to his research, already bookmarked a third of the way in, he added, “This is more important than running around right now, Lelouch.”

Violet eyes shone with adoration as the prince shot his knight an impressed glance. Lelouch was not one for flowers or other such standard expressions of romantic affection; rather, what struck a cord with him was when his partner demonstrated his feelings in all the little sentimental ways that truly mattered. Loving Nunnally to the point of preparing himself to live with her and help manage her multiple disabilities—staying with Lelouch even though it would be easier to find someone with less demanding family ties—actively problem-solving for the challenges in their shared future: Those were all small but significant actions that proved Suzaku’s fierce love and loyalty. Reading a book to show support for Nunnally, Lelouch’s topmost priority, was a grand gesture of romance in its own right in the prince’s eyes. Speechless for once, Lelouch shuffled closer and pressed his temple lightly against Suzaku’s. Softly sighing, he brought his classic literature up in front of his face and settled himself in for a relaxing spell.

Suzaku leaned his head right back into Lelouch’s, a contented smile curling his lips. His side seemed to melt against Lelouch. Then, in the shadow of the tree, a Japanese hand sought a Britannian one. Lelouch gave it willingly and grasped back just as tightly, never letting go.

They didn’t speak, but they nestled together as close as they dared and continued reading in silence, their temples touching the entire time.

-+-

Happiness bubbled in Lelouch’s chest for days after that memorable park date, and it bled through to Zero so much that even the Black Knights commented on his curiously cheerful attitude. Unable to clamp down a smile, Lelouch sauntered onto the Ashford Academy rooftop and slid into his usual spot to await his boyfriend for lunch.

Barely breathing heavily from the effort, Suzaku burst out the door, having obviously run up the entire staircase. “Hey, Lelouch,” he greeted warmly, skidding on the concrete floor during his mad dash over. Instead of cuddling close into Lelouch’s side right away, he dug in his backpack and retrieved a loosely wrapped present. “I got this for you,” Suzaku mumbled, his cheeks finally a bit flushed as he held out the box.

Touched, Lelouch took his random gift with a quiet “Thank you” and elegantly picked apart the wrapping paper to reveal a book on chess strategy.

Before the strategist prince could say anything, Suzaku rushed to explain, “I know you already know everything there is to know about chess. You could, I’m sure, write an even better book.” With a helpless shrug, he added, “But I saw this sitting on the table when I went to browse for more books about Nunnally and it reminded me of you. I _had_ to get it.”

His heart overflowing with tender emotion, Lelouch drew Suzaku into his side and pressed a sweet kiss against his temple. “I love it,” he said simply. “I love _you_.”

Lelouch later postponed working on some Black Knights mission plans to read Suzaku’s gift cover-to-cover.

-+-

There was no Student Council meeting for once—Milly had some blind date thing or something—and Suzaku had a list a mile long of things he wanted to try with Lelouch. They’d both gotten so good at giving blowjobs, in Suzaku’s modest opinion, and he wondered if they could try different positions. Sixty-nining came to mind, for one. It made him excited and embarrassed in equal measure as he thought about bringing it up to his boyfriend, but they _had_ practiced their communication and they had a track record; he knew Lelouch would never laugh at him. Mind still buzzing, he let himself into the Lamperouge suite after school—and stopped.

Lelouch was passed out on the couch, breathing deeply. There were the beginnings of dark circles under his eyes, and his skin looked paler than usual. He didn’t stir as Suzaku approached him, too deep in sleep.

Immediately, Suzaku’s hopes for the night dissipated, but worse than that was the ache in his heart at seeing Lelouch so stretched and feeling helpless to fix the cause. _He looks awfully tired. Is he getting sick again?_ He remembered how the brilliant Britannian student had slept all through his afternoon classes. Lelouch must’ve staggered straight home and fallen asleep again mere moments before Suzaku arrived (delayed making up excuses to Rivalz), which meant his body truly craved rest. Suzaku frowned worriedly. _Why **is** he so exhausted? Does it have to do with his gambling secrets? _

Shaking his head, Suzaku carefully stepped forward and scooped Lelouch into his arms—one arm each under his back and knees. At least Lelouch wasn’t awake to complain about being held princess-style. Suzaku carefully carried his boyfriend to bed and thoughtfully took off both their shoes. With a soft sigh and a kiss on his boyfriend’s forehead gone unnoticed, he climbed into bed and spooned Lelouch from behind. Arthur joined them and curled up on their feet, purring.

Suzaku buried his easy smile into Lelouch’s neck. _Change of plans. Cuddling it is._

-+-

“Possible change of plans,” Lelouch brought up over lunch. For once they were hidden behind some bushes near the gym instead of on the roof, wanting to avoid some teachers who’d publicly planned to eat on the rooftop during first lunch hour. Eyes trailing Synclair Worth—who’d fallen on the track some distance away and was cussing so loudly and violently about a bleeding knee that people across the ocean in Pendragon must have heard how much he apparently couldn’t handle blood—Lelouch suggested, “What if you went into sports medicine? You could get your ‘helping people’ fix while doing something related to what you like in a safe place.”

Suzaku followed his gaze, grimaced, and rubbed the back of his head embarrassedly. “Don’t I need to be a doctor or something for that? Lelouch, I dunno…” He plucked some grass out of the dirt and started fiddling with it, paying it an unnecessary amount of soldier-trained attention.

With a calculated shrug, Lelouch proposed, “Or you could be a nurse. I mean, you have a first aid background.” His face carefully neutral, he snatched the blade of grass from Suzaku’s fingertips and tossed it over his shoulder.

“That’s not…” Suzaku said, struggling for words and eyeing more grass. There were plenty more distractions where that came from. Leaning into a breeze, he gave up and suggested, “You know, for now, let’s _plan_ as if I’m gonna stay in the military. Just in case.”

Lelouch flopped back on the hard ground with a groan and a growl. “Dammit, fine.”

-+-

“I don’t know why we’re here,” Lelouch grumbled, gazing boredly at all the colorful flowers on the park vendor display. With his slouched posture, he looked like he’d rather be anywhere else. “The Student Council grows flowers for Nunnally. Therefore, this isn’t necessary.”

Suzaku brushed off Lelouch's sulking with a smile, intent on enjoying the bright weekend afternoon. “But the Student Council nursery doesn’t have these!” he said excitedly, grabbing a garland of pink flowers emitting a strong, sweet perfume. Whirling, he thrust the blossoms right into Lelouch’s face. “Smell them! Wouldn’t they be a nice change of pace for Nunnally?” Still grinning, he rambled, “In the book I’m reading now, the author makes a big deal of switching out scents so the blind person doesn’t get bored. I mean, when it comes to recreational stuff.” Like Nunnally’s flower-smelling pastime.

Lelouch’s protests died on his lips, and he automatically covered Suzaku’s hands with his own so that they were both holding the flowers. Inhaling deeply, he shot Suzaku a rapt smile. How could he complain when Suzaku was already trying to put things into practice from all his Nunnally-related research? Clearing his throat, Lelouch nodded softly and said, “I suppose—”

“Look, Mommy!” screeched a little Britannian boy, maybe around four years old. “What are those boys doing?”

Suzaku and Lelouch both turned their heads to the family passing by, noticing the parents’ obvious disapproval. The mother’s nose wrinkled as if she wasn’t standing right next to a cart of fragrant blossoms, her gaze hardening as she took in the Japanese boy and the Britannian boy standing very close together and jointly holding pink flowers between them.

Frowning sternly, the father looked at his young son and said, “Sinning. Listen to me very closely, Lucas. They are making a big mistake and I want you to learn from them. It’s wrong for a boy like yourself to get close to _one of them_.” It was clear he was referring to Suzaku’s status as an Eleven, though that wasn’t all as he added, “Especially another boy.”

Lucas stared at his father wide-eyed and frantically nodded, shooting Suzaku and Lelouch fearful looks every now and then.

Lelouch glared and took a measured step towards the random judgmental Britannian family, violet eyes spitting fire. Recognizing that the child was innocent, Lelouch directed all his fury at the parents. “Thus the cycle of ignorance and prejudice continues,” he snapped. “This is why Britannia never changes. How dare you raise your son to look on us with scorn?” To be fair, Lelouch had a huge chip on his shoulder when it came to over-privileged, irresponsible, and heartless Britannian parents—particularly fathers. His pure, utter hatred eclipsed the warm glow he’d nursed in his heart but moments earlier. Seething, he spat, “The way I see it, the worse mistake here is that you two were allowed to procreate—”

Suzaku darted between the arguing parties, waving the pink flowers wildly. “Aaaand that’s enough!” he cut in, laughing awkwardly. The sun was shining as brightly as ever, but the atmosphere had turned cold and tense. It was etched into Suzaku’s rigid shoulders and anxious, pleading eyes as he begged, “Seriously, Lelouch, just calm down. This isn’t going to help things.”

“You’re right,” Lelouch agreed with a tight smile. “The only way to help is to _make_ things change.” Stepping around Suzaku again, he stared both the frozen, flabbergasted parents in the eye and said with grand authority, “From this day forward, you _will_ let go of your bigotries and instead model for your son how to be open-minded, caring members of a pluralistic society.”

Scratching his head, Suzaku sighed, “If only it was that easy. Educating people is—”

But the Britannian adults simply stiffened and straightened. “Yes, we’ll do that,” they said together in a monotone.

Suzaku stared.

“Lucas,” said the father in a gentler tone as the family started to move off, “love takes many forms…”

Still gaping, Suzaku looked back and forth between the Britannian family and his boyfriend. His fingers clutched the pink flowers tightly. “H-how did—”

Smirking, Lelouch said idly, “Oh, sometimes idiots just need to be told what to do.”

“Yeah, but—”

Gently leading Suzaku back to the flower cart by the wrist, Lelouch reminded him, “Aren’t we here to get some flowers for Nunnally?”

The salesperson raised an eyebrow, looked at the flowers clutched in Suzaku’s hands, and said, “Excellent choice. You know, pink stargazer lilies are often used as a _romantic_ gesture…”

Both teens blushed, and Lelouch hurriedly took a couple steps back—as if distancing himself from the flowers would lessen the amorous associations. Narrowing his eyes, he vowed to do more research on the language of flowers so this embarrassing predicament wouldn’t repeat itself. He’d thought the Britannian family just now had simply been reacting to his and Suzaku’s proximity and facial expressions, not the underlying romantic notions of the flowers—and Lelouch didn’t like the idea of trivial plants symbolizing a message he hadn’t authorized for public consumption.

“It could have been worse,” Suzaku said, cutting into his whirling thoughts as they paid for the stargazer lilies—the vendor ecstatic and seemingly nonjudgmental because a sale was a sale—and took their leave. Bumping Lelouch’s shoulder, Suzaku said, “We forgot ourselves for a moment in public, but at least it was just a few strangers that noticed. We’d be in real trouble if Synclair Worth or anyone else from school saw us like that.”

No matter the specifics, it boiled down to the same idea. They’d as good as announced their real relationship, which was disconcerting in its own right after all the trouble they’d gone to in order to keep their love hidden. Nevertheless, the incident was a good reminder that the world just wasn’t ready to accept them as they were.

Not yet.

-+-

On their next park date, Lelouch dressed in stylish new running clothes. His efforts pulled a gently adoring look from his boyfriend as they jogged together.

The sluggish prince lasted barely three minutes—two minutes and thiry seconds longer than Suzaku had predicted—but it was the thought that counted.

-+-

Lelouch flipped through Suzaku’s military insurance booklet with a frown. They were in the sitting room, on the couch that looked much more used than it had on the first night Suzaku had visited the Lamperouge suite thanks to all their rough-housing and make-outs. “Do you know what specific plan you have?” Lelouch asked, trailing his finger along the different options. His other hand idly pet the brunet’s head in his lap.

Flinching slightly, Suzaku shook his head and sighed under his boyfriend’s caresses. “I just signed up for the one my superiors recommended. I didn’t really look at it.”

Sighing, Lelouch chastised, “Suzaku, you need to read this stuff. You could be paying a high deductible when you don’t even have to. Or you could have a terrible provider network.”

“Lelouch, I don’t even know what any of that means,” Suzaku pointed out, voice deadpan.

By far the more world-savvy of the two, Lelouch groaned and leaned his head back on the couch, taking three deep breaths before responding, “Okay. I guess it’s good we’re talking about this now. When the time comes to update or switch your insurance plan, you’re going to be better informed. Let me help you.” He looked back over the book again, flipping through the pages of insurance comparisons before deciding, “I think the Britannian Care Prime Extra plan looks the best for us. You pay nothing out-of-pocket for medical services as long as you’re active duty…”

Suzaku smiled up at him. “The best insurance plan for _us_?” he echoed pensively.

Lelouch raised an eyebrow. “I thought that was the whole point of looking into this?” he reminded Suzaku. “For when we’re married? At least, thanks to Schneizel, the Britannian military is offering equal benefits to same-sex couples as opposite-sex couples. I guess that pompous creep really is good for something.” He tried to force himself to relax; thinking of Schneizel always ruffled his feathers. Lelouch breathed out slowly and focused on his boyfriend’s warm weight in his lap. “Anyway, as long as we present the military with our marriage license, then as your spouse, I’m entitled to receive your benefits.” At Suzaku’s blank look, Lelouch clarified, “Once we’re legally married, I get to share your insurance.”

“Oh! Because we’d be family,” Suzaku caught on.

Lelouch nodded. “Right. Exactly. And Britannian law would recognize that.” He massaged his head and mumbled, “I just need to figure out a way to legally sign away ‘Lelouch Lamperouge’ for a marriage license.”

Suzaku shuffled. “Hey, Lelouch,” he piped up, reaching to clasp hands. “If we can get that far, and if you change your name…” He looked up at his boyfriend questioningly.

Lelouch smirked down at him. “I would,” he confirmed. “I gave up ‘Lelouch vi Britannia’ over seven years ago, and ‘Lelouch Lamperouge’ is nothing but a lie. I would be thrilled to have a real name and identity again, although ‘Lelouch Kururugi’ does sound bizarre. Or would it be ‘Kururugi Lelouch’?” He tapped his chin, staring up at the ceiling as if it held the answer to the most important question in the world.

Suzaku grinned and sat up, pressing close for a kiss. “That’s really sweet, Lelouch,” he said, eyes glowing and half-lidded. “I’d be honored to share my family name with you.” He leaned in for a longer kiss. When he pulled back, he pointed out, “If you legally become ‘Lelouch Kururugi’ or whatever, then you can go to college, get a job, and do all those things you couldn’t dream of before.”

Amethyst eyes blinked. “Suzaku,” Lelouch breathed.

“I’m not stupid,” Suzaku pointed out. “I realized after we had our talk that you couldn’t go to college in your circumstances either. But if we can just figure out this one solution, then everything else will be fixed, too. We can have our future together.”

Lelouch smiled. “I’ll work on it,” he promised. This was just the kind of challenging brain break he needed after suffering through Ohgi’s latest report. Snorting, Lelouch concluded, “And when the time comes, sign us up for the Britannian Prime Care Extra medical insurance plan.” Arthur chose that moment to bound into the living room carrying a feather in his mouth, which prompted the prince to add in all seriousness, “Our feline love child needs good coverage.”

-+-

The next time they went to the park, they organized their low-key date differently.

For the first half, they slowly ran—if it could be called running—around the field. (“You can’t let those trendy new workout clothes go to waste,” Suzaku had teased.) The exercise nut hung back and kept pace with his usually inactive boyfriend, offering support and encouragement between Lelouch’s gasping breaths. When they were done, they settled against _their_ tree together and winded down, each with a good book; Lelouch was reading a book on the language of flowers while Suzaku made his way through another text about how to wheelchair-proof a home. Every so often, they’d interrupt each other to share a cool fact—“Did you know pink stargazer lilies are toxic to cats? We’d need to be careful of Arthur.” or “Check out this new technology for motorized wheelchairs.” They didn’t cuddle as closely as normal, being hot and sweaty from their shared exercise, but their knees knocked and their hearts connected and it was enough.

-+-

Suzaku stretched and made his way out of the classroom. Lelouch was absent again, and he had to bite back both the worry and the carnal hunger twisting his insides. Maybe it was a good thing. Between piloting the Lancelot and building his secret relationship with the Britannian prince, Suzaku was letting other commitments fall to the wayside. He felt he was falling behind on schoolwork and Student Council duties. Still lost in thought, he almost tripped over a classmate as he rounded a corner into a deserted side hallway for a shortcut. With a startled yelp, he righted himself and did a double-take.

Chloe Beck was sitting on the floor, hugging her knees and sniffling.  A hint of a bruise peeked out from beneath her uniform sleeve. Her light purple eyes were wet with tears, and she barely gave Suzaku a passing glance. She looked absolutely miserable and, even though she’d always been rude to him, Suzaku couldn’t help how his heart went out to her.

“Chloe?” he asked gently, kneeling beside her. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

The schoolgirl pinched her lips together and shook her head, short black hair flying from the motion. She started crying harder and buried her face in her knees.

After a couple indecisive moments, Suzaku reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. “It’s gonna be okay,” he soothed, even though he had no idea what the problem was. He was familiar with this role, being around Lelouch all the time. Hesitating again, he finally offered, “Do you…do you wanna talk about it?”

A strangled hiccup sounded from Chloe, and she lifted her tear-stained face to Suzaku. “Stop it!” she croaked. “You’re an Eleven. Don’t pretend like you have feelings. You could never…never understand!” She ended in a shrill wail and started shaking again. Yet, she didn’t push his hand off her shoulder.

Suzaku frowned at her reaction. “No matter what you believe, I have feelings, too,” he asserted. It felt strange, standing up for himself like this. But he had to this time. The opportunity to further comfort his classmate was lost if she didn’t understand the core concept that he was as human as any Britannian. “I can’t help you if you don’t let me.”

“I don’t want _your_ help!” growled Chloe. “You’d just…make things worse.”

Narrowing his eyes, Suzaku changed tactics. “Then is there anyone you want me to get for you? One of your friends—Jessica, Farrell? What about Corbin—he’s your boyfriend, right?”

At that, Chloe let out a heartbroken moan. “Corby…Corbin dumped me!” she cried. She wiped her eyes and looked at Suzaku—really looked at him—for the first time. He was staring at her sympathetically, and she slumped a bit and gave in. “He’s just one of those ‘fuck ‘em and leave ‘em’ types,” she mumbled.

Suzaku sucked in a breath. No wonder. “Then he’s not worth your time,” he said firmly, squeezing her shoulder in compassion. “Any guy who doesn’t treat you right isn’t worth your tears. You can do better than him.”

Chloe blinked at the Japanese boy, tilting her head. She let out a watery smile. “…Yeah,” she said softly. “You’re right.” She shot him a surprised look, as if she was astonished that an Eleven was making sense—or had a heart. “It’s just…”

“It’s hard when the guy you love doesn’t return your feelings,” Suzaku said, sounding almost knowing. While it had worked out in the end, he had wallowed through enough days of confusion and heartbreak to understand what Chloe was feeling—to some extent, anyway.

Blinking again, Chloe sat up even straighter. “That’s…yeah,” she said, her voice already coming out stronger. She looked at Suzaku a bit suspiciously, but the brunet’s gaze was already caught by spellbinding violet coming down the hall.

Lelouch stopped short as he noticed the two of them sitting on the floor. “Is everything okay?” he asked, looking more at Suzaku than Chloe.

Suzaku nodded. “Uh huh. But I should be asking you that!” At Lelouch’s confused look, Suzaku expounded, “You weren’t in class today.”

“Keeping tabs on me, are you?” Lelouch returned smoothly, tossing his head.

Chloe looked between the two of them.

“Can’t help it if I care,” Suzaku shot back with a grin.

Lelouch sighed good-naturedly. “Always worrying about others,” he teased, tone full of friendly affection. He waved a hand at how Suzaku was comforting the crying schoolgirl. “Even now. Did you need to worry about someone so much that you found a replacement for me?”

Snorting, Suzaku rolled his eyes. “As if anyone could replace you, Lelouch.”

Chloe’s eyes widened with every back-and-forth.

Lelouch smiled at him—his genuine smile, not his ice-prince polite mask smile—and turned his attention to Chloe before they got _too_ carried away. “What happened?”

Suzaku looked at Chloe, wordlessly asking permission before blurting out her private business. He had morals like that.

Chloe gave herself a little shake and said, “Corbin broke up with me.”

Lelouch nodded sagely. “You’re better off.”

“Yeah,” Chloe said again. “Suzaku…Suzaku was just telling me that.” She looked at the Japanese boy with a new light in her eyes. It was the first time she’d ever said his name; her pronunciation was a little off, but at least she was trying. It almost seemed like she was coming around.

Suzaku gave her a friendly smile.

“Suzaku can be pretty smart,” Lelouch said loftily. “When he’s not being an idiot.”

“Hey!”

Chloe giggled, her tears almost completely gone. “Th-thanks,” she stammered, looking between the two of them a little nervously. “I…uh…”

Lelouch gave her one of his patented ice-prince polite mask smiles. “It’s forgotten,” he said simply.

Suzaku nodded, standing up and offering her his hand. “Totally forgiven,” he said cheerfully, crowing inwardly when she actually put her hand in his and let herself be pulled up.

Chloe’s face relaxed some, and she looked between the two boys once more. “Thanks again,” she said, almost shyly. “I should probably get going and…uh…do some stuff. I need to, um, go with Jess to Farrell’s baseball game…and then help Jess with her Culture Club project…but…I’m…I’m glad we had this talk.” She gave each of them a genial smile before waving good-bye and walking off, her gait getting stronger with every step.

Lelouch stepped closer to Suzaku and gave his hand a quick squeeze once Chloe had walked out of sight. Violet eyes shimmered with warmth and awe. “You,” Lelouch droned, “are _amazing_.”

Suzaku beamed and, because there was miraculously no one else in the hallway, dared to snatch a swift kiss.

-+-

“Dammit,” Lelouch cursed, glaring down at the new spattered stain on his favorite apron. It was such a small annoyance, but it came on the tail end of one of Ohgi’s blunders and the young rebellion leader just wasn’t in the mood for anything else to go wrong. He squeezed his annoyance around his black king chess piece and picked at the edges of his apron. “This thing isn’t going to last much longer.”

Suzaku swept him into a sympathetic hug from behind and nuzzled into the back of his neck; immediately, Lelouch began to relax. Suzaku always _could_ make him feel better. Chuckling, Suzaku said, “It’s going to be okay, Lelouch. I promise.”

Somehow, because it was _Suzaku_ reassuring him, Lelouch breathed out his frustration and found himself believing in the future again.

-+-

“I liked drawing you during Art Week,” Suzaku remembered out of nowhere, leveling an almost Lelouch-worthy smirk at his boyfriend. The air outside was just right, and though the sun was shining in the middle of the sky, it wasn’t too hot or too bright. With their bellies full of food, the rest of their lunchtime could be put to more pleasurable pastimes. As was their habit.

Lelouch blushed but managed to turn the tables. “Enough to be a professional artist?”

“Oh, I don’t think the way I want to draw you next is appropriate for the public,” Suzaku noted casually with a sly glance. He fiddled with his own uniform buttons, then raked his eyes suggestively over his prince.

Lelouch froze for a second and took a deep breath. With a fond look at Suzaku, he said, “Well, no matter what, you always make _me_ see colors.”

Suzaku gasped at the sweet line and leaned in for a deep kiss, getting into a rhythm. If drawing didn’t work out, he always had a back-up in performance art.

Breaking their contact to take some ragged breaths, Lelouch tugged on Suzaku’s shirt collar and invited saucily, “Come on. Let’s see you paint me white before our next class.”

-+-

Lelouch beamed in satisfaction and slapped a packet of color-coded pages in front of Suzaku.

“What’s that?” Milly asked, popping up from behind her vice president. She tried to reach around him to grab the papers, but Lelouch nonchalantly blocked her with his elbow.

Noticing what the bound papers were, Suzaku tried not to blush and hurriedly snatched them away. He felt a little dizzy as another gear in their plans clicked into place. And as _Lelouch_ was the engineer here, Suzaku knew it would work flawlessly.

“It’s a completed budget,” Lelouch explained, eyes twinkling with proud pleasure.

Milly frowned. “Lelouch, we finished the clubs activity budget ages ago. Maybe you weren’t here—”

Suzaku coughed an interruption. “Uh, no, sorry, Madame President. Lelouch was helping me…with a work project.” He hugged the papers to his chest, feeling his heart thump wildly against them. _Lelouch did it. He figured out our finances. This is real._

Milly frowned harder. “Lelouch,” she chastised, “you don’t even do your _own_ work. Why would you—”

Lelouch sighed and very clearly stopped listening. Milly kept ranting, with Shirley jumping in every so often to add her two cents about Lelouch's work ethic. Nina typed on her computer. Rivalz played with a crayon and a rubber band. Kallen, surprise surprise, was absent. (Sometimes Suzaku was troubled at the correlation of Kallen’s and Lelouch’s absences, remembering that Shirley had been worried that there might be something between them all those months ago—but then he always remembered how eager Lelouch was for his cock, and he felt sufficiently gratified.)

Suzaku bit down a smile. He felt strangely energized, and he couldn’t wait for some privacy so he could flip through what Lelouch had outlined. He was jittery throughout the entire Council meeting, earning odd looks from everyone except Lelouch, and he was the first to run from the room when Milly called it quits. Lelouch joined him moments later in the Lamperouge suite dining room.

Eyes shining, Suzaku devoured the information. It all looked boringly adult and official—but the tables of numbers and estimates, charts and graphs, college handbooks, and photographs of duplexes were proof that he and Lelouch were taking strides to merge their lives together on a deeper level. He noticed there were several pages of possible budgets, depending on predicted fluctuating college costs. Nunnally’s medical expenses as well as normal living requirements—like food, bills, insurance premiums, and potential mortgage payments—were added to the mix. He saw housing profiles on duplexes fitting their criteria, along with neighborhood information and projected real estate trends for the next five years. The housing and college costs had been factored into the budgets based on an estimated combined income of Suzaku’s salary and the amount Lelouch would contribute; Suzaku knew it was based on gambling winnings for the moment, but he was so overjoyed at seeing this in black and white that he couldn’t be mad.

Lelouch stared at him knowingly, waving his arm in a grand sweeping gesture. “This could all change at a moment’s notice, but I tried to plan for every possible occurrence. Based on the concrete numbers we had, this was the best I could do considering all the variables.”

Suzaku tore his eyes from the packet only to look at Lelouch with the same starry-eyed expression. “No,” he said, throat tight, “this is amazing, Lelouch. You didn’t have to do it all by yourself.”

Lelouch shrugged but seemed to bask in his boyfriend’s praise all the same. “I wanted to do it,” he said simply. “For you. For us.”

Suzaku pounced on him.

Lelouch found himself rewarded for all his hard work with an enthusiastic blowjob.

-+-

At the park, they mixed it up and keenly pursued their own personal interests again.

Every single time didn’t need to be a compromise of hobbies, and their “half-date” was as special as ever despite their separate activities. They brought each other up to speed afterwards, Suzaku sharing his record-breaking physical achievements for the day and Lelouch educating Suzaku on more flower meanings.

Their arms brushed on the walk home, and they secretly enjoyed their togetherness then with knowing looks and inside smiles.

-+-

For the third day in a row after lunch, Lelouch went to math class with drying come on his chest, hidden under his layers of Ashford Academy uniform.

-+-

Groaning inwardly, Lelouch trudged into the bank, following Suzaku and Kallen. Why Milly sent _three_ of her precious Council members on this inane errand remained a mystery, but Lelouch was so over it. He enjoyed walking around town with his secret boyfriend, but Kallen complicated things. It wasn’t that he didn’t like her; in fact, he admired her quite a bit for her contributions to the Black Knights. There were so many secrets to stay on top of with her, though, and he didn’t feel like dealing with it all this afternoon. Who cared about money and Student Council funds? He just wanted to drag Suzaku home and enjoy what he _really_ valued. His attention suddenly jerked from his daydreams (Suzaku tied naked and spread-eagle on his bed) to the catastrophe erupting around him.

There was lots of shrieking and people falling over.

“Don’t move!”

“Everyone lay on the floor facedown, hands on your heads!”

“Do what we say…or we’ll kill ya!”

Lelouch followed the directions and observed the situation carefully even with all the chaos, as he was used to doing as Zero. He knew how to keep his head in a crisis. There were two bank robbers and twenty-one innocents in the building, including Kallen who’d just been taken hostage. One of the bank robbers went to steal from the vaults while the other stayed to monitor everyone. Lelouch wasn’t that worried; he had options. He narrowed his eyes, wondering exactly how he should proceed. _I can’t use my Geass without revealing my secret_. He considered calling in the Black Knights, but before he could plan out the details—

“Stop it! Let her go!”

Lelouch’s heart jumped to his throat at Suzaku’s challenging move. He couldn’t help but whip his head around despite orders to stay still, his gaze trained on the soldier’s grim face. Lelouch scowled; he knew that look. Suzaku wasn’t going to back down, no matter the consequences. _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_  Hands shaking, Lelouch closed his eyes for just a second and sighed. _That idiot!_ _Suzaku just **has** to play hero and draw attention to himself, doesn’t he?_ While half of Lelouch truly was impressed with Suzaku's bravery, the other half was undoubtedly annoyed at Suzaku's stupidity—which escalated as Suzaku _offered to be their hostage instead_. Lelouch’s brain short-circuited for a second there. _What?!_

The bank robber sounded as dubious as Lelouch felt as he reprimanded Suzaku for siding with the Britannians.

Normally, the exiled Britannian prince would have felt some sympathy for the downtrodden Japanese-turned-Elevens, but not when he and his important people were being held hostage. These brutes were in the wrong, just like Kusakabe with his violent hotel takeover, even though they hailed from Japan. Innocent lives shouldn’t hang in the balance. Lelouch inwardly growled as the bank robber tried to persuade Suzaku’s allegiance. Fists clenching, Lelouch made himself stay still. He had trouble focusing on the exact conversation—his weakness always reared up in the form of Nunnally or Suzaku—but understood the general gist of the situation, and he was not especially pleased. _Suzaku’s loyalty is to me!_ He mentally applauded _and_ cursed Suzaku for continuing to yell at the enemy (“You think that makes it okay to act like a thug?!”), wishing the soldier would shout at his bullies like that at school.

After some more barbed exchanges—during which Lelouch worked to control his breathing and cast his mind for viable solutions—the bank robber proclaimed, “The Black Knights are behind us!”

At that, Lelouch couldn’t keep an eyebrow from lifting. _Oh, really?_

Kallen spoke up and defended Zero, and Lelouch mentally smacked a hand over his face even as part of him was touched by her devotion. A larger part was still scared for Suzaku. Lelouch shook his head, bemoaning inwardly, _I’m surrounded by idiots who don’t know how to keep their mouths shut_.

The bank robber hit Kallen across the face, calling her a ‘Brit bitch!’ and Lelouch couldn’t crouch idly by while his ace pilot was being struck. First Suzaku, now Kallen… The crisis was spiraling expeditiously. The stakes were up and Lelouch felt it was high time he made his grand entrance.

Rising deliberately to his feet, he challenged the bank robber. “Shut up! I’m the one giving the orders now.” Ignoring the gun now trained directly on him, he walked forward slowly and baited, “You and your friend are finished and there are three reasons why!” Smirking in the face of peril, he first de-valued Kallen’s worth as a hostage and secondly hinted that he had explosive weapons on his person. He played his mind games, tricking the bank robber into believing he was dangerous with a sly use of his Geass. Turning the bank robber into a quivering mess of fear caused satisfaction to bubble in Lelouch’s chest, and his heart pounded with approval when Suzaku snuck up behind the enemy and took him out. _As expected. We intuitively make the best team._

A grateful Kallen questioned Suzaku, who only modestly replied, “It was easy—with Lelouch distracting him.”

Then the other bank robber returned, and all hell broke loose again. Suzaku confronted the armed burglar outright, screaming and springing at the enemy despite the rifle aimed precisely at his heart. Time froze and Lelouch stopped breathing the second that the gun fired, the bullet racing towards his lover. Choking on terror, Lelouch felt an icy tingle shoot down his spine as he could do nothing but helplessly watch. With his heart lodged in his throat, he had a few seconds of paralyzing fear and regret— _No! I can’t lose Suzaku!_ —before he managed to take in a full breath of air, relief and amazement subsequently flooding him because Suzaku was _miraculously_ _dodging bullets_. Pulse racing, Lelouch stared at his secret boyfriend in slack-jawed awe. _My god, he’s incredible. And he’s mine._ Astonishment faded into pride as Suzaku took out the smug bank robber in charge, proving his own abilities—not only to himself, but to the host of Britannian civilians he’d saved with his rash stunts. Lelouch allowed a tight smile to cross his face, even as he thought to himself, _They shouldn’t be so surprised. **I** always knew Suzaku was capable of extraordinary feats_.

Suzaku glared at his subdued opponent, asserting, “Your hostage was your only weapon. I’m not afraid of your gun.”

Lelouch felt a rush of heat at Suzaku’s tone and confidence. The soldier’s aura of power was intense, and the prince felt himself drawn to it more than ever—especially because Suzaku usually kept it under wraps. Lelouch had to physically control himself from acting on his attraction. Bragging about his boyfriend, he announced his final piece of evidence as to why the bank robbery was destined to fail: “And the third reason is that Kururugi Suzaku is here!”

With the threat neutralized and the situation taken over by the Britannian police, the three Ashford students finished their business at the bank. Turning the day’s event over in his mind, Lelouch swiveled to Suzaku and urgently pressed, “Are you okay? Going after an armed thug like that was reckless.” Lelouch shivered, keeping himself from showing more of a reaction because of present company. _My Suzaku could have died_. _One of those bullets could have got him. There’s so much we haven’t…_

Suzaku cheekily turned it back on him. “What about you, Lelouch? You took a big chance with that bluff. What would you have done if I hadn’t snuck up behind him?”

Shocked, Kallen asked, “What? You mean you two didn’t plan that out?”

“Not at all.” Lelouch felt smug, the new wave of feeling overshadowing his residual fear for his lover’s life. He and Suzaku didn’t _need_ to plan things out. They just naturally fed off each other, brought out each other’s strengths, and rounded out each other’s weaknesses. There wasn’t _anything_ in the world that he and Suzaku couldn’t do together.

Suzaku added proudly, “Lelouch did it all on his own.”

“So we were just lucky?” Kallen’s voice was weak with disbelief.

“Because Suzaku was here,” Lelouch insisted, hunching his shoulders at the stray thought: _But he almost wasn’t. What then? No._ _He’s still here. He’s breathing. He’s okay. It’s over. Move forward. Control yourself!_

Suzaku’s green eyes held a warm glow as he responded, his words slicing through Lelouch’s internal pep-talk, “Thanks for believing in me, but, even so, your third reason was wrong.”

“Wrong, me?” Lelouch sounded incredulous.

Suzaku nodded firmly. “Yeah. It wasn’t because I was there. It was because _we_ were there _together,_ Lelouch.”

Almost stumbling at the overwhelming sappiness spewing from his boyfriend’s mouth, Lelouch couldn’t deny that it affected him greatly. His hands itched to drag Suzaku’s face to his for a kiss, and he almost pressed Suzaku against the wall so he could act on his desire, Kallen be damned. Lelouch managed to control himself at the last second, but he sent a heated look at Suzaku with a silent promise.

 _I’m going to make the most of my time with you, Kururugi Suzaku, for as long as I have you_.

-+-

Suzaku woke from a pleasant dream and found himself wrapped around Lelouch as the big spoon. After the bank robbery yesterday, Lelouch had dragged him home and jumped him, whispering all the vulgar things he would’ve done to Suzaku had Kallen not been there. His advances had been desperate and emotional, and Suzaku could never remember Lelouch being so clingy. It had been extra hard for them both to stay quiet, but they’d managed well enough (except for those _couple_ close calls where Nunnally and Sayoko could have justified an investigation). Luckily, there had been no interruptions or other signs that their relationship was being broadcast through the walls and pipes. Lelouch had steadfastly refused to let Suzaku go at the end of the night, and thus the soldier had found himself cuddling and necking his prince all night long. He blushed, growing aware of his naked morning wood pressed snugly against his boyfriend’s bare backside. Feeling a little guilty—it almost seemed like crossing a boundary, even though it was unintentional—Suzaku held his breath and prayed Lelouch was still asleep.

“Good morning,” Lelouch said lowly, dashing his hopes. “Breathe, Suzaku. Yes, I feel your hard cock digging into my ass. Yes, it’s okay. Yes, I want you to relax already.”

Blinking in disbelief, Suzaku let out a whoosh of air and felt the tension leave his body. Lelouch’s natural calm transferred over to Suzaku as if his words alone were magic, and the brunet basked in his lover’s controlled authority.

Lelouch looked over his shoulder at him with a coy expression. “Actually, I kind of like it.”

Suzaku sputtered, his blood pressure suddenly spiking again. “What?!”

Lelouch chuckled and bumped his butt back against Suzaku's hardness. “It’s hot, feeling you so close like that. And it’s a step towards getting me used to what’s coming,” he outlined. His squirming made certain Japanese genitals come to life, and his next words stole Suzaku’s breath: “It’s letting me get comfortable with you making yourself at home back there, and I want to take that a step further.”

Trying to steady himself, Suzaku ventured, “What do you mean, Lelouch?”

Smiling saucily, Lelouch embellished, “I want you to hump my ass.”

Suzaku felt a rush of dizziness and excitement so strong he saw spots in front of his eyes. Licking his lips, he tried to ask, “You…you want me to…”

“I want you to rub yourself between my ass cheeks,” Lelouch clarified firmly. “Don’t…put it in, okay, just rut against me from behind like that.”

“You have no idea how sexy you are,” Suzaku breathed. Wrapping his arms securely around his little spoon, he pressed closer and nudged his erection into the cleft between Lelouch's buttocks.

Lelouch let out a soft sigh of pleasure. “That’s it,” he encouraged. “Now grind against me!”

“Shit, Lelouch!” Suzaku cried, starting to rub himself up and down his boyfriend’s ass crack. His pre-come made for some natural lubricant, helping him slide to and fro. The warm friction felt sensational. Eyelids quivering, Suzaku pressed open-mouth kisses to the back of Lelouch's shoulders and snapped his hips forward.

Lelouch shuddered and threw his head back, thin neck straining and mouth falling open. He stretched his arms up to hold tight to the slats of his headboard. Moaning softly, he pressed back against the soldier’s thrusts and called quietly, “Oh, yes! Suzaku, harder!”

Suzaku grinned and delivered, starting to pinch Lelouch’s nipples to wind him up even further.

“A-ahh! Yes! Suzaku, squeeze them! Tweak my nipples as you plow against my ass! Ah, harder! _Harder_!” Lelouch whisper-shouted, his orders and pleas ringing in Suzaku's ears.

Suzaku felt a rush of heat at the string of dirty talk erupting from his normally-sophisticated prince’s mouth. He couldn’t believe the filthy smut that had started to spill from Lelouch’s tongue so often in the bedroom—ever since the dining room table blowjob, when Lelouch had gained this huge burst of confidence in their sex life—but Suzaku couldn’t deny that it got him going. He secretly loved that his eloquent prince used that silver tongue of his to utter the lewdest phrases imaginable, that Lelouch cultivated his natural talent for speech and appropriated that skill for the bedroom—for Suzaku. If Lelouch was embarrassed, he hid it well. Suzaku came all over Lelouch’s tailbone at the randy suggestion to, “Tease my asshole!”

Lelouch came without his cock being touched once.

“Shit, my prince,” Suzaku rasped, meeting Lelouch’s messy kiss as he rolled over. “That was amazing.”

Lelouch smirked and dragged Suzaku's head close for more kisses. “The more we do this,” he predicted between lip locks, “the more I’ll get comfortable with pressure and friction down there.” He gasped for air at strategic intervals, unrelenting with his focused attention on Suzaku's mouth. “It won’t do anything about prepping me for penetration, but…”

Suzaku smiled adoringly. “But it’s a step,” he echoed.

-+-

The surprise package in the mail initially caused Lelouch to panic. _I thought I had everything delivered to—_ But as he opened the nondescript brown box with trembling fingers, he breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn’t what he’d feared. Then, his heart melted as it dawned on him what he was seeing.

Nestled in the package, buried under a sea of flower petals, was a folded kitchen apron. A small card resting on top read: _For my expert master chef, May you always cook in style. I love you!_

Lelouch sighed, a warm and heady feeling flowing throughout every pore of his body. “Suzaku,” he breathed happily, unable to articulate anything else to the empty room. _That boy always astounds me in the best ways_ , he mused to himself as he carefully lifted out his new kitchen attire. _He noticed and he did something about it in the most romantic manner. God, I need to whip him up something special._ Lelouch never said he _disliked_ flowers and other traditional romantic gestures, just that he _preferred_ thoughtful and personally-relevant ‘small thing’ sentiments instead. This gift had both wrapped together. Slipping the new, stiff apron on over his uniform, he smoothed a hand down his chest and felt another little thrill.

Everything was sentimentally evocative. The dark blue apron was decorated with a few large embroidered sunflowers, a subtle yet meaningful callback to their childhood at the Kururugi Shrine. The real-life flower petals lining the inside of the package told their own story. Lelouch flushed as pink as the stargazer lilies, recognizing them easily from the time he and Suzaku had mutually held a garland of those flowers and warded off the public condemnation. Last time, they hadn’t known that these particular flowers were often used as a romantic gesture; in this case, they clearly knew the meaning was deliberate. Skimming that text on the language of flowers had been educational for them both, and it helped Lelouch truly appreciate the depth of Suzaku’s gift.

The profound insight with all the flowers was multifaceted, furthermore showing that Suzaku truly put his mind and energy into doing things well when it came to things important to him—like Lelouch. Primrose petals were scattered among the lilies, symbolizing their recent young love promise to live together forever and put each other first. It seemed fitting with so much of their relationship focus lately revolving around those promises, and Lelouch was impressed at all the delicate details Suzaku included. Mixed in with the pink lilies and red primroses were white clover petals, echoing the vitality and good luck of their relationship. Suzaku had really gone all out this time, not only in packing a lot of thought and feeling into one small vestige of love, but in proving once more that he took to heart everything Lelouch shared.

The next time Suzaku came over for dinner, Lelouch proudly met him at the door wearing his new apron.

-+-

Later that week, Lelouch stared at _the_ package on his bed with apprehension.

Hands shaking, he carefully ran his fingers over the box, skimming the shipping label—addressed to Alan Spacer at his normal gambling venue (he could never take too many precautions)—and ripped open the flaps. Rivalz had bugged him about the mysterious parcel all the way home from a match, but Lelouch had only smiled secretively and kept his mouth shut.

It wasn’t like he would tell his friend that he’d ordered a set of butt plugs so he could practice getting used to shoving things up his ass before Suzaku put himself up there.

Lelouch blushed, eyes widening as he took in the crude range of various-sized sex toys. He’d always considered himself above such base needs, and he’d never even purchased lube for his own self-pleasure. Yet here he was, investing in butt plugs and anal beads. For Suzaku’s sake, not that the brunet knew.

Lelouch felt a twinge of guilt. He figured Suzaku would want to be part of this process, but Lelouch had to learn his own body first. There were just some things he had to tackle himself, and facing his control complex and trepidation towards anal sex was one of them. At least at this stage in the game. When he’d successfully grown comfortable and mastered his nerves, then he’d allow Suzaku in. Besides, this way, he could treat his unsuspecting boyfriend to a surprise without making him wait through each minor step. And, Lelouch swallowed, if he failed…

Well, then Suzaku would never know and thus could never be disappointed.

Not that it would come to that. Lelouch was determined.

Still trembling, though now with some excitement as well, Lelouch checked that his door was locked (not that it mattered, as he was the only one home) and carefully peeled off his school uniform. Since his impatient boyfriend wasn’t there, he took his time hanging it up. Naked, he approached his bed. He felt stupid, awkward, and completely out of his depth. When he was with Suzaku, he was eager to shed his clothes and throw himself into their increasingly sexual explorations. Alone, he wondered just what the hell he was doing.

Gingerly, Lelouch pulled every one of his purchases out of the box. He climbed onto the bed. He stared at the sex toys some more. Brow furrowing, he cocked his head. He slid off his bed and retrieved a picture of Suzaku from his desk. Back on the mattress, he glanced between the sex toys and his boyfriend’s photograph. Seeing Suzaku’s smiling face made his chest warm but it didn’t make him instantly hard.

Why was this so difficult for him? Lelouch knew other boys got aroused at the drop of a hat, but he had never really been like that. Until Suzaku, he’d never known what lust felt like. Even then, it took some steamy dreams or Suzaku in front of him, jumpstarting Lelouch's libido with his own. He knew Suzaku had a higher sex drive, but Lelouch had always been able to deliver. At least, Suzaku had never complained. And once he got turned on, Lelouch _really_ got turned on. It was just this initial step that was proving problematic…

Maybe it didn’t help that he was downright terrified of shoving something long and hard up his ass, and that’s exactly what he was about to attempt.

Wasn’t sex around ninety-percent mental state?

Coaching himself to breathe—working with Milly meant he did a lot of things he wasn’t comfortable doing, so he had a lot of practice—Lelouch closed his eyes. Since Suzaku wasn’t here, he’d have to rely on fantasies. That’s what other guys did, right? Taking another breath, he imagined Suzaku in bed with him. He’d be gloriously naked, of course. He’d be kissing Lelouch. His tongue would be twining around his just the way that got him going and—oh, there was a stab of arousal. Lelouch relaxed some.

Then Suzaku would lay them down and press Lelouch into the mattress with his hard body; in real time, Lelouch stretched out on his back beside the sex toys and spread his legs as if he was truly making room for his lover. He still felt a bit silly in the back of his mind, but he was losing himself in the fantasy now. He could almost really feel Suzaku's warm weight pinning him, but at the same time he was aware of the cold air washing over his hardening nipples. Lelouch shivered and kept going. Suzaku would slide his entire body up and down Lelouch’s, making him moan from the delicious friction. He’d be nibbling on Lelouch’s lips. Panting, Lelouch lazily thrust his hips into the empty air; he imagined Suzaku pressing back against him. He would be so warm. So hard. Lelouch moaned softly and opened his eyes, surprised and gratified to find his cock stiff and pointing up.

Encouraged, Lelouch looked at the array of sex toys. If he could solve one of his problems…

Preparing himself, Lelouch grabbed a supersized bottle of water-based lubricant. It had been on the expensive side, but he’d gone for the best. Breathing heavily, he poured some lube on his hand and reached down to stroke himself. God, that was so much better than spit. He groaned, dreaming that it was Suzaku’s hand on him. “Faster,” Lelouch begged, and of course Suzaku would listen to him. Suzaku did whatever Lelouch wanted in bed. “A-ah!” He reached up with his free hand to play with his nipples, pinching and twisting them violently until they felt raw and smarting. Before too long, he was coming all over his chest.

Sinking down—when had he arched up?—Lelouch caught his breath. He felt sated and boneless, but he was growing more excited, too. That had been exhilarating. Suddenly glad that he’d blocked out his whole night for this, he ran his fingers over his new purchases. He looked at the anal plugs guiltily; he hadn’t even tried one yet.

He plucked the smallest one from the pile, deciding to work his way up. That was, after all, the whole point. The toy he’d selected was a bit on the softer side, curved to target the prostate (or so read the product description; Lelouch would see if it was indeed accurate), and was designed with tapered edges and a wide base to ensure for a smooth fit without getting stuck inside. Coating it generously with lube, he rolled over onto his stomach and drew his knees up so he had room to work his ass. He swallowed, throat suddenly tight. Hand shaking, he reached back and pressed the tip of the toy between his ass cheeks. He froze at the unfamiliar feeling and his chest tightened.

“Breathe,” Lelouch commanded himself. His heart pounded. He felt vulnerable in a way he’d never felt before, but he began to relax the longer he kept his position and got used to the simple pressure of the toy. “Baby steps are okay,” he reminded himself aloud. He had time to get this right; it wasn’t like Suzaku was waiting on him. “Remember how nice Suzaku’s cock felt, rubbing deep in the crack,” he recalled. Taking another deep breath, Lelouch shifted and started to slowly press the toy inside. The lube felt a bit cool, which offset the heat racing through his nerves. Encountering some resistance almost immediately, he stopped and coached himself to relax again. He liked being completely in control, knowing the plug wasn’t going inside unless he put it there himself.

At the same time, it felt so impersonal. This wasn’t his lover; it was a piece of silicone. This wasn’t turning him on. _Suzaku_ got him going. Maybe Lelouch was different compared to other guys, but he didn’t really see the point in kinky masturbation. He was only doing it now to lay the groundwork for a grander scheme. Sometimes he had to get his hands dirty.

 _It will be worth it in the end_ , Lelouch reminded himself. He imagined Suzaku’s face lighting up when he found out, his mesmerizing green eyes shining. He thought about how Suzaku would kiss him, all deep and hot and rough if Lelouch begged for it. Their tongues would tangle and their teeth would scrape each other’s lips. Lelouch groaned and pressed his sweaty forehead against his arm, his blood racing at the fantasy. Suzaku would make soothing noises and sweep his hands all over Lelouch’s body to reassure him about what was to come; Lelouch could just about feel his boyfriend’s touch once more. With another groan, he slid his head up and pressed his eyes into his arm instead; without being able to see, it was easier to pretend Suzaku’s hands were on him. He shivered.

Suzaku would nuzzle up and down his spine. He’d lick a line straight up Lelouch’s vertebrae as his hands massaged Lelouch’s ass. Suzaku would kiss him all over and maybe stroke Lelouch as he entered him; Lelouch thrust his new erection against his bedspread. Without meaning to, he pressed the plug in a little deeper and moaned at the sensation. His nerves were buzzing. “O-oh, Suzaku!” he cried, twisting the toy a little further. The stretch was uncomfortable at first but it was better than he had feared—and honestly, Suzaku was filling him up _so_ nicely.

Even though he hadn’t put it in all the way yet, Lelouch pulled back on the base until the toy was almost out and then pushed it back in—fast—as far as he’d gotten the first time. He shallowly fucked himself with the plug as he got used to the feeling, letting his anal muscles learn how to relax around a foreign intrusion. “Ahhh, Suzaku,” he moaned, imagining it was his lover pushing inside, over and over and _over_. Bracing himself on his forearms, Lelouch raised his backside a little higher.

Suzaku would wrap one arm around Lelouch’s stomach as he took him from behind. He’d press his forehead between Lelouch's shoulder blades and thrust slowly and carefully, making sure Lelouch was okay before going faster and deeper. “Y-yes!” Lelouch cried into his bed, imagining his knight’s comforting body was pressing and moving against his. “I—I need you, Suzaku! I can take it!” Groaning, he roughly shoved the plug a little deeper each time. His confidence grew. Suzaku felt so amazing inside him, setting his nerves on fire. Relaxing further, Lelouch understood a bit better why people sought this out. Soon, he started to rock his ass back against the plug. He finally thrust the toy all the way inside and _screamed_ as it brushed something inside him that sent a shockwave of pleasure rippling through his body.

Trembling viciously, Lelouch cried, “Oh, _Suzaku_ , do that again!” Shifting, he mindlessly pulled on the plug and _slammed_ it back inside to the hilt, craving that mindblowing sensation. His entire body jerked at the intense stimulation and his yells of Suzaku’s name slurred into meaningless babbling as he continuously fucked his prostate. With another garbled cry, Lelouch released onto his sheets. Too spent to think or care, muscles lax, he dropped right onto his come and let it smear into his naked skin. Sweating and panting, he finally lifted his eyes from his arm and noticed that Suzaku was nowhere to be found. The realization stung for a long moment and Lelouch felt aching and lonely, but soon enough a strong sense of triumph welled in his chest.

His first mission had proven successful.

Staring at the scattered sex toys, Lelouch realized that he still had a long way to go. The tool he’d used tonight was _way_ smaller and smoother than Suzaku’s cock would be (he hadn’t even really needed to stretch himself manually beforehand), but luckily he felt ready to graduate to the next size up.

If he kept making progress, then sooner rather than later, Lelouch would be ready to share himself fully with Suzaku.


	12. First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...I think the chapter title is self-explanatory for this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented, left kudos, started following my Tumblr, etc. YOU CAN MESSAGE ME ON TUMBLR TOO, JUST FYI. :D
> 
> Thanks as always to my lovely beta-reader, TheGeminiSage, for looking over this whale of a tale. She is love. ~~Go read her Undertale comic, Refuse. :D~~
> 
> I took extra information from the sound episode/audio drama, "The Night Before the Showdown." For those who are interested and want to listen to Suzaku and Lelouch ~~argue like an old married couple~~ be amazing.
> 
> NEWS: I will be taking a break from weekly Thursday updates due to the busyness of the holiday season. My apologies! 
> 
> I did, however, revise and upload an improved chapter 11, so you can always go back and re-read that one for the new material in the meantime. 
> 
> Everybody, please have a safe and happy holiday! I'm wishing you all the best this year. <3

“I got a little surprise for you,” Lelouch said with a nervous chuckle, forcibly keeping his palms from smoothing down the front of his new cooking apron ten times in a row. (He actually made himself stop after nine—because he was a master of self-control, obviously.) There was a heartbeat of processing time before Suzaku cocked an eyebrow, smiled his gratitude, and stepped forward, pinning Lelouch against the kitchen wall. The apron immediately crinkled into wrinkles, rendering all of Lelouch’s fussing worthless. Somehow, it didn’t seem to matter when Suzaku was pressed up against him. Returning the smile, Lelouch wrapped his arms around Suzaku's broad shoulders and drew him closer. The cooking meat still had to simmer on the stove, giving them time to indulge in a little pre-dinner dessert. His mumble of, “You have to wait ‘til after dinner” got lost somewhere between kisses.

Suzaku grunted his acknowledgment and just tilted his head, his hands squeezing Lelouch's bottom like it was all he needed. Kissing harder, Suzaku lifted the Lelouch clear off the floor. Lelouch moaned his approval and automatically wrapped his legs around Suzaku’s hips—remembering how much he adored this position—pulling their crotches closer. Suzaku got the message and drove his hips forcefully against his boyfriend’s.

Lelouch’s eyes were purple slits as he commanded breathily, “Do it again.”

Suzaku smirked and complied, thrusting even harder the next time and slamming Lelouch into the wall.

“ _Oh!_ ” Lelouch gasped and dragged Suzaku’s head up for additional kisses. There was more steam rising from the two of them than the bubbling water. “Keep going,” he growled. “Before Nunnally gets—”

Water boiled over the pan with a loud hiss and sizzle, interrupting their play. Suzaku sighed but lightly set Lelouch down so he could fiddle with the stovetop temperatures. Immediately, unable to let things end completely, Suzaku stepped up behind Lelouch and enfolded him in a warm embrace, rocking his hardness against the prince's supple ass.

Lelouch chuckled darkly as he spread his legs a bit and pressed back, opening himself up to his boyfriend’s advances even as he drew heavily on his seasoned multi-tasking skills and cooked up a storm. Glancing over his shoulder with a practiced yet effective seductive smile, he flirted, “Dry humping me tonight, are you, Suzaku?”

“Mhm, you love it,” Suzaku parried. He tenderly brushed black strands of hair out of his way and kissed the nape of Lelouch’s neck, eliciting a soft moan. His hips kept thrusting, but his motions slowed to a gentle and teasing pace.

Lelouch sighed with pleasure, his hands shaking around the panhandle and mixing spoon. His thoughts were stirring into a hot mess faster than the steamed vegetables beneath his fingers, but he was able to strain one important concept from the mishmash. _How appropriate_ , he mused, _that Suzaku is pulling this move tonight._ He wriggled back against his boyfriend, even as another strand of coherent hope rose up. _He’ll be so delighted when he gets what’s in store for him._ “Just don’t stop,” he groaned, desire making his voice gravelly as it bounced off the kitchen walls and cabinets.

At that precise moment, the swish of a door interrupted them yet again, followed by Nunnally calling out, “Oh, something sure smells yummy!” Her innocent words covered Lelouch’s hushed order of, “Okay, stop, _stop_.” She rolled into the room just as Suzaku sprang back, trying hastily to fix his clothes.

Lelouch sighed silently, trying to steady his wobbly legs, and smoothed down his hair. Heat of the moment thrills of discovery aside, if there was one thing Nunnally was good at, it was quelling erections. At least Sayoko wouldn’t see proof of their attractions whenever she showed up, which was bound to be soon with the way she was bound to her charge. Tugging his askew uniform back into place, Lelouch greeted, “Good evening, Nunnally. How was your day?”

Nunnally offered a soft smile, her loving expression making up for her ill-timed arrival. “It was good, Lelouch. How was yours?” Hands clutching her armrests, she leaned forward eagerly and asked, “Did you do anything special with Suzaku today?”

Suzaku coughed.

Nunnally tilted her head. “Oh! Hello, Suzaku,” she said with only slight surprise. She was their biggest supporter (and well, the only one, by virtue of no one else knowing), always keenly interested in their relationship, and she tried to show it as much as possible. “Are you staying for dinner again tonight? I’m so glad!”

“If it’s not too much trouble,” Suzaku said modestly.

Giggling, Nunnally lifted a pale hand to cover her mouth. “You’re never any trouble at all, Suzaku,” she said sweetly. “And besides, you make my big brother happy.”

“ _Very_ happy,” Lelouch agreed with a suggestive look, making Suzaku flush.

“See?” Nunnally pressed. “And _I’m_ happy passing Lelouch over to you, Suzaku.” Turning her head to her brother, she asked through the brunet’s embarrassed sputters, “When will dinner be ready?”

The beeping of the timer answered her question.

“As soon as I can serve it,” Lelouch added, his warm smile apparent in his voice. He made a shooing motion at Suzaku and requested, “Could you help Nunnally get set up at the table?”

Suzaku dipped his head, finally getting himself under control. “Of course. Let’s go, Nunnally.” Starting to push her wheelchair, he said, “You can tell me all about your afternoon while Lelouch does his thing.”

Once they’d gone, Lelouch breathed deeply, trying to calm his raging hormones as he took care of the rest of dinner. He was just bringing the platter out when Sayoko arrived with a duffel bag.

“As requested, Master Lelouch, I’ve packed an overnight bag for Lady Nunnally’s sleepover,” she reported. “When would you like us to head to Lady Ashford’s quarters?” She respectfully folded her hands and bowed.

A puzzled expression stole over Suzaku’s face at the news, and he looked between Lelouch and Nunnally quizzically as he echoed, “Sleepover…?”

Lelouch nodded vacantly. “After dinner will be fine,” he decided after a moment. He concentrated hard on putting down the food and filling up his sister’s plate, trying to keep his mind distracted from his looming plans. Then he waved Sayoko over to join them at the table, ignoring her quiet protests as he guided Nunnally’s fingers to her silverware.

“I’m going to sleep at Milly’s!” Nunnally shared excitedly, a trill in her voice. She would have surely bounced in her seat had she been able to at the news. “Lelouch has always been too fussy to let me spend the night away,” she recalled. “But not only is he letting me have a normal girl’s night—he even arranged everything himself!”

Suzaku blinked with surprise. “On a Thursday night?” he asked incredulously. Cocking his head at Lelouch, clearly confused, Suzaku demonstrated how he knew this wasn't Lelouch's usual style. 

Nunnally laughed. “It doesn’t matter,” she said with a shrug. “I’m just happy to have a sleepover at all.” She took a bite of her food and gushed, some vegetables falling out of her mouth in her haste to talk all at once, “We’re going to listen to stories and get facials and—”

Suzaku nodded along, interjecting at random intervals. His attention slid to Lelouch every once in a while before getting dragged back into Nunnally’s hopes for the night.

Lelouch sighed and mindlessly ate his food, his intense gaze laser-focused on his baffled boyfriend. He couldn’t taste his dinner due to nerves, though he knew he cooked in the proper amount of seasoning. His head was still buzzing from Suzaku’s touch in the kitchen. He simultaneously wanted to be back in that heated moment and here at their family dinner, where he could breathe and mentally prepare himself for what was coming. While Suzaku was busy, Lelouch sneakily swallowed a pill with his water. There. That should help his racing thoughts as he worked his way up to the main course, their kitchen rendezvous being but a spicy appetizer. He only snapped to attention when Nunnally asked, “Suzaku, what are you doing this weekend?”

Suzaku shifted in his seat. He seemed uncomfortable about something. “Well, I have a work trip starting tomorrow.”

“For the Engineering Corp?” Lelouch asked with surprise.

Suzaku nodded quickly. “It’s like a field trip. We’re going away for the weekend to…uh…inspect a factory.”

“Ah, the plant in Shizuoka?” Lelouch inquired. Something still seemed off.

Suzaku startled. “Yeah…you’re well informed.” His voice sounded a bit suspicious.

“I read about it,” Lelouch dismissed easily with a wave of his hand, mentally dropping his planned and now unneeded excuses. _With Suzaku leaving the Settlement himself for the weekend, he won’t be around to ask where **I** am. Every task at hand has been cleared for Narita. _ Before getting his Geass, Lelouch would never have considered supernatural forces at play; presently, he wondered if there was a mystical reason why details were luckily working out in his favor, now of all important times. His heart beat faster as he wondered if this was a sign about tonight. Still distracted, he turned the tables, aiming to make Suzaku the defensive one between them, and warned, “Don’t let the military push you around on this trip.”

Nunnally—and even Sayoko—nodded in agreement. “That’s right, Suzaku,” the disabled princess said, true to her kind nature. “Take care of yourself.”

Chastened, Suzaku bowed his head. “I will. Don’t worry.” He gave himself a shake and looked up determinedly, ever the optimist as he said, “At least this trip gives me extra time to study for that math exam I’m missing tomorrow.”

Lelouch straightened in his seat, his eyes flickering to the chair down the table where Suzaku had sat—where he’d been trying to learn that same math. …Where he’d been sitting before lying on the table and moaning for dear life as Lelouch coaxed an orgasm out of him with his mouthful of tricks. Clearing his throat, feeling his cheeks burn at the memory, Lelouch rapidly took a drink of water. Upon seeing Suzaku’s knowing look—was he remembering, too?—he coughed and almost choked on the liquid.

“Big brother?” Nunnally cried.

“My lord?” asked Sayoko, looking up in alarm.

Lelouch pounded his chest, finally getting his miniature coughing fit under control. “I’m fine,” he rasped. He dared not look at Suzaku. “Milly will be wondering where you are,” he told his sister, steering everyone on from the embarrassing moment. “Be careful tonight, Nunnally.”

“I will!” Nunnally chirped. “And don’t worry, Lelouch. I know how to keep secrets.”

Lelouch inhaled sharply. “What?” **_Which_** _secrets?_

“I won’t tell her about your stuffed weasel toy from when you were little,” Nunnally promised. “Or anything else…you know, private like that.” A tiny smirk appeared on her face, seeming out-of-place compared to her usual gentle smiles, as she hinted, “Stuff you’re only comfortable with _Suzaku_ knowing.”

Suzaku stiffened at the implication.

Sayoko looked between the two boys with a slightly raised eyebrow but wisely said nothing.

Lelouch exhaled noisily with a genuine, “Thank you, Nunnally.” His little sister had already proven herself capable of keeping their relationship under wraps, but he appreciated her assurances when she was entering a situation renowned for gossip and secret-spilling. He hugged her and stood to the side while Suzaku did the same, and he kept from looking at the Suzaku until his sister and her nursemaid were gone. Lelouch worked to hold his ground when his nervousness crested over him again, and he jumped when Suzaku pulled him in.

“Are you going to tell me what this is all about?” Suzaku asked gently.

Still without looking at him, Lelouch pulled free. “After we clean up,” he said firmly. He wanted nothing on his mind but Suzaku when they…

Suzaku frowned at the telltale stalling but dutifully started collecting dirty dishes. Lelouch retreated to work on the kitchen, which had turned into a messy disaster of pots and pans from cooking earlier. They worked in tandem with each other, falling into a developing routine. Suzaku tolerated Lelouch’s excessive cleaning habits with a fond sigh, and he even hand-washed the plates three times each following the finicky prince’s preferred formula. Without being asked.

With the kitchen and dining room spotless, they had nowhere to move but forward—Lelouch's usually sought path regardless. Lelouch took a calming breath and grasped Suzaku’s hand, the contact giving him a stable grounding point. At length, he stared directly at his boyfriend’s concerned face and prompted, “Do you want your surprise now?”

Suzaku’s eyes widened. “I’d forgotten all about that,” he admitted. “I just want to know if everything’s okay.”

-+-

Lelouch nodded a little too quickly. “Perfect,” he assured, voice pitching unnaturally high. Suzaku gave him a knowing _look_ , and Lelouch amended, “Everything _will_ be fine. You’ll understand in a minute.” He kissed Suzaku again, psyching himself up, and led his boyfriend by the hand to their bedroom. His palms were unusually sweaty, and he felt lightheaded as he dragged Suzaku inside, dropped his hand, and physically turned him by the shoulders in the direction of their shared bed. The warm, low glow of a single lamp shone from the desk, casting the bed into a sensuous blend of light and shadow. He stepped up and embraced the bewildered boy from behind, murmuring “Look” against Suzaku’s earlobe.

Astonishment washed over Suzaku’s features as he looked at the bed—or rather, the materials displayed prominently on the pillow—and broke free, whirling around to face Lelouch again. His mouth flapped for a few moments before he managed, “Is this what I…uh, I mean, what are you trying to tell me?” Lelouch could hear the hope and excitement in his voice, along with something else…something oddly negative. Resentment? Worry?

Chuckling nervously, Lelouch prompted, “Well, what do you think it means that I got us some...supplies?”

Suzaku’s eyes narrowed in thought, and he looked unusually serious as he answered, “I think it means you’re making yourself do something you’re not ready for.” He took a few steps back, glancing uncertainly between Lelouch and the suggestive objects resting innocently on the bed.

At once, Lelouch shook his head and stepped forward, trying to undo the distance. “I’m not _making_ myself do anything, Suzaku. I’m ready now. For p-penetrative sex, I mean,” he clarified, steadily maintaining eye contact despite the hitch in his voice. He reached out for Suzaku, nerves crackling at his own daring. For Suzaku, who had become more than ever his most important person, Lelouch had stood unarmed in front of an entire military convoy; now, for Suzaku again, Lelouch was braving daunting circumstances, albeit of a vastly different nature. But he knew he wasn’t going this alone. “Together, you and I can do anything. This is…this is me letting you know.” He stopped to swallow, feeling his chest tighten with anticipation as he repeated, “I’m ready, and the conditions are optimal, so if you wanted…”

Continuing to gape, Suzaku shook his head slowly, still processing this bizarre turn of events. It was clear that he hadn’t expected anything quite like this as his surprise, and the reality was hitting him hard. “I can’t believe…” He blinked, as if realizing something for the first time. Completely incredulous, he said, “Wait a minute. You… _you_ went to the store and bought lube and condoms?”

“Yes,” Lelouch answered hastily. _Well, I used my Geass on some poor sucker to do it for me, but…details._

Humbled, Suzaku at last took Lelouch’s outstretched hand. “Are you…are you sure?” he asked hesitantly, searching Lelouch's eyes. Little spasms jolted Suzaku's fingers as they clasped Lelouch’s, nervous yet excited energy rocketing back and forth between them. “I don’t want to pressure you. I’m not here for sex, Lelouch, and I’m not going to leave you—”

“I didn’t think you would,” Lelouch cut in, a bit coldly at the implied doubt. “This isn’t because I feel forced. I _don’t_.” He took another step closer, saying, “This is because I love you, I want you, and I’m prepared to take this step with you.” For once, all he offered were truths. He finished closing the distance between them as he urged, “You know me.” With an earnest smile, he tugged Suzaku nearer the low lamplight. “I’ve always been honest with you about what I’m comfortable doing. If I was the type to cave under _imagined_ pressure—because you’ve been truly saintly with waiting, Suzaku—then I would have had sex with you that first night you confessed that you wanted it.”

Suzaku still looked a bit skeptical.

Lelouch stared hard at his obtuse but lovable boyfriend, willing him to believe. _Now of all times, Suzaku, don’t act like an idiot._ They both had to be smart about this. “If _you_ don’t want to do it tonight, that’s one thing. But if you’re holding back for my sake, then don’t. I realized it after the bank robbery,” Lelouch continued after a heavy moment. _Nothing like a near-death experience to put things in perspective._ Heart thumping wildly, he added, “I realized _how much_ I love you, and that I want to experience _everything_ with you while we have the chance.” Holding out his pinky with his free hand, he proclaimed, “I _promise_ you I want this, Suzaku.”

Staring back, just as intensely, Suzaku finally gave in and nodded. “If that’s really the case, Lelouch, then…yes. I’d love to spend tonight with you.” He linked pinkies with Lelouch to complete their sacred promise, and afterwards kissed his prince, who fell against him in relief.  They lost themselves in each other, like normal except for being extra-charged, and Suzaku pulled back to admire, “You really went all out with this plan, didn’t you? I mean, even sending Nunnally to Milly…”

Lelouch shrugged one shoulder. “I had to create prime conditions, and part of that was maximum privacy,” he explained. They’d rarely gotten up to things past low-key making out when Sayoko or Nunnally were nearby; even then they’d had to restrain themselves, afraid of being heard and discovered. Tonight was special, and they deserved to let loose as much as they wanted without worry. Lelouch trailed his fingers lightly down Suzaku’s arm and coyly added, “So don’t hold back.”

Suzaku closed his eyes and shivered deliciously. “Same to you,” he returned, pressing himself impossibly close against Lelouch.

The heavy tension in the air slowly melted away, and Lelouch found that, like always before, the unknown wasn’t as frightening as he’d worried about when he was facing it with Suzaku. They’d taken a lot of firsts together lately, and he’d never regretted what they’d done. Full-scale sex would be no different. He trusted Suzaku. He _loved_ him.

It would be special _because_ it was _Suzaku_.

Lelouch had believed so since their beginning.

Then, as if a switch had been flicked, they were groping hungrily and shedding clothes in their usual fashion—that is, undressing each other between kisses—as they covered the short distance to the bed. Lelouch fell back first this time, pulling Suzaku down on top of him and moaning at the soft slide of sheets against his hypersensitive skin. Contact with his head made the unopened condom package crinkle, reminding him of the steps he’d taken to prepare for the main event. He rolled them over and sat up, straddling Suzaku’s naked hips. His breath caught with emotion as he took in his boyfriend’s glistening skin, shining eyes, and loving smile. He’d seen and touched Suzaku’s naked body before, often even, but tonight it was like seeing him bared for the first time. For a moment, he was so overcome staring at Suzaku splayed beneath him that he forgot what to do. Then, seeing Suzaku’s expectant face, something sparked and Lelouch slid into his memorized lines, panting, “I’ve had time to do a lot of research and I think I’m ready to coach us through this.”

Suzaku looked unsure for a second. “Research?”

“On the Internet,” Lelouch divulged unashamedly. _As well as personal interviews with experienced men from gay clubs using my secret Geass power, but that’s beside the point._

Instead of looking relieved, Suzaku looked even _more_ unconvinced. “Lelouch,” he said cautiously as his nose wrinkled, “are you sure? The Internet has a lot of bad information floating around on it.”

 _He picks **now** to use his head?_ Lelouch groused inwardly. Aloud, he deadpanned, “I also read _Gay Sex For Dummies_.”

Suzaku blinked and relaxed. “Oh, okay then.”

 _Is he serious?_ Lelouch complained silently, raising an eyebrow. _Has he already forgotten that I looked up oral sex techniques online? He sure wasn’t complaining then._ Lelouch sighed. Suzaku was just too much. _Oh well. I love him anyway_. Clearing his throat, he said, “So, step one: Talk with your partner about what you want and get consent. I think we covered that one.”

“If step two is get naked, I think we’re rocking this.”

Lelouch smirked and deliberately rocked his hips, feeling an extra thrill that he made Suzaku go cross-eyed. “Next,” he continued, “you need to know what will be different after we…start.” He waved a hand elaborately, saying, “You know, when we veer off from our usual _activities_.”

Suzaku laughed, tenderly running his hands up and down Lelouch’s pale sides, the motion as calming as it was familiar. “I would’ve done my share of ‘research’ if I’d known ahead of time, you know. But since you didn’t give me a chance to prepare, what do I need to know, Lelouch-sensei?”

Smirk widening at the Japanese title, Lelouch licked his lips. “It’s okay, Suzaku. I trust you would have contributed. Do you understand the basics of how this works?” He made some more grand gestures, again making Suzaku go cross-eyed as he tried to follow them.

Suzaku nodded shakily, confirming, “I’ve heard talk in the barracks. I know the…the cock goes up the asshole.” Red washed over his cheeks at the crude terminology, and Lelouch understood that talking openly about the body was somehow still a bit harder than just going for it in action. Suzaku squirmed, seeming embarrassed—though at what specifically, Lelouch couldn’t determine. Then Suzaku took a deep breath and admitted, “I just…don’t know _exactly_ how that works. I don’t see how it’d fit.” He wriggled under Lelouch and turned his head, coming face-to-face with the bottle of thick, water-based lubricant on the pillow.

Lelouch flushed at his boyfriend’s words. “Yes,” he said in a clipped tone. “Well, the male body isn’t naturally made for—well—that is, the anus doesn’t—but we can do it with a few extra steps.”

“Like with using fingers?” Suzaku remembered, obviously thinking of that one failed exploration where he’d nearly stuck a finger up there and Lelouch had recoiled.

Looking down, Lelouch let his bangs cover his eyes. “Yes,” he said again, in exactly the same tone. “But last time, you didn’t even have lube. That makes everything…slide in easier.” _Plus we weren’t exactly on the best terms when that happened. Of course I wasn’t ready to open up to you._

Suzaku nodded as he thought it through. “Makes sense,” he mumbled, expression downcast. “I forgot. Sorry for almost shoving my finger into you dry.”

“It’s okay,” Lelouch was quick to assure, knowing Suzaku was over-apologizing again for the entire mess related to that incident _. He’s beating himself up inside again._ The prince _knew_ his boyfriend, knew of the lingering guilt that never seemed to vanish. _He’s obviously had to grow up too soon from the war and his time in the military, but he’s still so innocent in some ways._ He dragged Suzaku’s head up for a kiss as he thought about how to stop the hurt and move forward. It was with great reluctance that he pulled back, but he had a timetable to keep. Things would only get better. “This time, we’ll do it right. Use the lube, stretch me out. Start with one finger, then add another, and then a third,” he listed, feeling as awkward as Suzaku surely had earlier.

Lelouch felt slightly reassured at their shared discomfort, which truthfully reflected every single time they’d pushed further in their relationship. Clearing his throat a few times, he continued, “When I’m completely stretched and ready, you’ll be able to…fit yourself up there. I already…cleaned myself…before you got here.” His pulse was racing as fast as Suzaku’s, visibly thrumming in his neck. _And we’re emotionally connected, so that part is set_. Seeing Suzaku’s eyes flash, he swallowed thickly and said, “There’s a small bundle of nerves up there called the prostate that makes this good for me.” Looking thoughtful, he cocked his head and added, “Or you, when you’re the one…”

Suzaku nodded. “Find the prostate,” he recounted. A determined light gleamed in his eyes.

“It really does make it amazing,” Lelouch said wistfully. It had been one of his main motivations for continuing to practice and prepare, even when a fair number of his private sessions with the plugs had ended in failure. Despite not every attempt being as successful as the first, Lelouch had been diligent and had learned a lot through trial-and-error over time. He was eager to share his findings and reassure his boyfriend that sex would end in good things for them both, granted that they took the right steps towards meeting their objective.

At that, Suzaku immediately frowned. “Lelouch,” he said, voice hurt, “you sound like you know from experience. Did you go out and find someone—”

“No!” Lelouch protested quickly, bending his face a bit closer over Suzaku’s. Around them, the air felt heavier again. The accusatory question physically pained him, and he had to take another deep breath before he explained. “I told you that I’m completely yours and I meant it. But, to be honest, I…” He shifted, blushing, feeling his skin prickle with nerves and yet more embarrassment.

Suzaku tilted his head curiously. “Lelouch?”

Looking at the wall, Lelouch slowly regained his bearings; Suzaku’s anxious stare was unintentionally raising his stress level. At last, through sheer force of will, he bit the bullet and uncharacteristically stammered, “Well, to conquer my nerves about this whole process…you remember my control complex…I, well, I started…” His voice trailed off for a moment, and his eyes met his boyfriend’s fleetingly. This was harder to admit than he’d thought it would be; for a brief second, Lelouch thought it would be easier to confess his identity as Zero than come clean about doing 'dirty' things to his own ass. Would Suzaku be mad that he hadn’t been included? Taking another breath, Lelouch finally said, “I started playing with myself.” Cringing, he looked away for a long moment before daring to peer at Suzaku with one eye.

Frozen in shock, Suzaku stared at him, eyes wide and interested. He opened and closed his mouth several times before finally managing, “Oh my _god_ , Lelouch. Every time I think you can’t amaze me more…”

Lelouch relaxed and ventured, “You’re not angry?”

Suzaku shot him a questioning look. “Why would I be angry? Lelouch, it’s really…really…hot. To think of you pleasuring yourself.” He shuddered, eyes glazing over as his imagination likely filled in possible blanks. “Tell me,” he said in a heated whisper, “tell me what you did to yourself. Don’t leave anything out.” Reaching around his boyfriend, he squeezed squishy buttocks as a nonverbal signal to get on with it.

Shivering, Lelouch rocked his hips against Suzaku’s again. He’d forgotten his lines—he’d prepared for this question in-depth beforehand, dammit—but he was a decent enough ad libber, especially when it came from the heart. “I thought of you,” he said in a low tone. “I imagined you touching me all over.” Beneath Lelouch, Suzaku shuddered again. Lelouch kept rocking his hips in tiny circles, feeling himself grow harder as he let loose and recounted, “I bought a whole slew of sex toys off the Internet—” (Suzaku jerked and groaned) “—and I started small and worked my way up different sizes of butt plugs—” (Suzaku choked, eyes stretching wide) “—and I _fucked myself hard in the ass_ , Suzaku.”

At that, Suzaku moaned raggedly and arched up off the bed, lifting his prince effortlessly. “ _Fuck_ , Lelouch!” His hands clutched Lelouch desperately. “You can’t just _say_ things like that. Oh god. Tell me more!” Suzaku begged and slowly sank back onto the bed, keeping his eyes locked on Lelouch’s face.

Licking his lips, Lelouch smirked and leaned a little closer. Barely audible, he shared, “I had to close my eyes and pretend it was you pounding into me. You felt _amazing_.”

“ _Lelouch!_ ” Suzaku groaned, pulling Lelouch down for a string of frantic kisses.

Giving himself over to Suzaku’s whims, Lelouch moaned and gave as good as he got. Then,tearing himself from his boyfriend’s addictive lips, he urged, “Let’s do it now, before we come from just this. Let’s build up one overwhelming orgasm and make tonight count. Shit, Suzaku, I’m _so_ ready for you.” He pressed his fully hard erection against Suzaku's, making them both gasp. “You know the basics,” Lelouch concluded. “We can just deal with anything else as it comes up.” They would make things work; they always did.

Suzaku nodded wildly. “Sounds good to me,” he agreed. “What you said fits the stories I’ve heard from other soldiers, and maybe I’ll remember more when we get into it.”

Lelouch moved off to give Suzaku some space. “You can…start working on me,” he said, taking the lead and waiting for Suzaku to follow. Lelouch crouched on all fours and thrust his ass in the air, slipping a little on the bed and feeling an initial sting of humiliation at the compromising position. His body moved from muscle memory, but he felt different in this situation. This was it. An icy feeling welled up in his chest, dousing the heat of arousal. No matter all the nights he’d spent working himself open in preparation for tonight, he was still overly anxious now that it was finally happening. The relaxant he’d taken at dinner didn’t seem to be kicking in yet, so he tried to calm himself down on his own. He’d come to terms giving up his control, he’d experienced firsthand how wonderful penetrative sex could feel if done right, and furthermore, Suzaku had never hurt him before…

Hands gentle, Suzaku rolled him over onto his back.

“What are you—?”

“You’re not comfortable that way,” Suzaku perceived. Suzaku saw things most people couldn’t in a manner Lelouch didn’t, and he acted accordingly. It was part of what made their partnership so well-rounded. “You’re all tense. I can do it like this,” he said, his voice ringing with confidence. He reached for Lelouch’s hand, slowly and purposefully guiding it to his right lower back. “Hold on to me,” encouraged Suzaku. “I’ll do my best not to hurt you. And if you ever need me to stop, you know I will.”

As if suddenly given permission to breathe, Lelouch exhaled out most of his worries. He melted at Suzaku's affection, and his fingers twitched over the familiar scar tissue. _He noticed that I always—?_ Then he stiffened in anticipation, thoughts suddenly snuffed out, as Suzaku shoved a pillow under his bottom.

Noticing his reaction, Suzaku paused and said lightly, “You’re all about codes. Should we come up with a safe word?”

Lelouch nodded shakily, his heart swelling at how much Suzaku _got_ him. A safe word was a practical idea that would give him a further semblance of control, and he loved Suzaku all the more for proposing it. He’d need to remind himself of this the next time he wanted to call Suzaku an idiot. They’d never required a safe word before, but their needs changed with the circumstances. Since tonight they were stepping it up to the max, extra precautions were paramount. Lelouch forcibly calmed himself and recited as if from a textbook, “Things to keep in mind about a safe word. Something easy to remember, easy to say. Something short. Something comforting. Something that wouldn’t usually come up in the context of sex.”

“So not ‘more,’” kidded Suzaku, waiting patiently through Lelouch’s spiel on the nature of safe words. His warm, understanding smile showed that he intuitively sensed how Lelouch needed to ground himself in what he _did_ know, especially concerning the scary and unfamiliar, and how talking himself through his nervousness in such a manner was a coping mechanism he desperately needed at the moment.

Chuckling briefly, Lelouch agreed. He felt slightly more ready after talking aloud and showing off his knowledge. Focused on applying it, he tried to think of things he associated with ‘safe’ and ‘happy.’ Things outside of ‘Suzaku’ because most assuredly his lover’s name would pop up in the context of sex—

Suzaku beat him to the punch. “How about ‘chess’?” he asked softly.

Eyes widening at the sentiment, Lelouch thought about it for a moment but shook his head in the end. It was a thoughtful and decent idea, but… Licking his lips, Lelouch explained, “It has to fit both of us.”

“Eleven?” suggested Suzaku earnestly. “Because I’m an Eleven, and you’re the Eleventh Prince—”

“That vile word has no place in our bedroom!” Lelouch cried out indignantly before Suzaku could even finish, chest heaving with the rage that particular term stirred in him.

Shrinking back, Suzaku muttered, “Okay, okay, I get it. Be positive. Think happy thoughts.”

They were silent for a moment before a more placid Lelouch said slowly, “Do you remember when we were little, and we were talking about what happiness looked like in physical form?” Waiting for Suzaku’s confused nod, Lelouch continued, “You had the best answer. You said that the shape of happiness might resemble glass—that even though you don’t usually notice it, it is still definitely there. You merely need to change your point of view slightly, and that glass will sparkle whenever it reflects the light.”

Suzaku’s jaw dropped in stunned amazement, green eyes sparkling like the glass in his metaphor. “You remember, word-for-word…”

“Of course I do,” Lelouch snorted, rolling his eyes. “It’s the one time you ever managed to be more eloquent than me.”

“Hey!”

Sighing, Lelouch ignored that and spelled out, “So what if our safe word is ‘glass’? Since it personally means ‘happiness’ to us both, and it fits all the other requirements.”

“Yes, I suppose that’s better than ‘Nunnally,’” Suzaku joked, referring to the more obvious link between their shared joy.

“…I never want to hear my innocent little sister’s name again while we’re doing sex stuff, Suzaku,” Lelouch deadpanned. Relaxing more at Suzaku’s agreement and splutter of laughter, he still gasped as the first slicked-up finger pressed against his puckered entrance—and when had Suzaku opened that lube anyway?

“Okay?” Suzaku asked worriedly, eyes flicking over his boyfriend’s face.

Lelouch swallowed and nodded. “Better than last time,” he said, spreading his legs a little wider. “I’m not saying ‘glass,’ am I?” Upon feeling Suzaku’s finger freeze in place, Lelouch clarified, “And no, that wasn’t me saying the safe word indirectly. Props to you for listening so closely though.” Despite his words and Suzaku’s proof of action, Lelouch tried to swallow down another wave of trepidation. Things felt unlike what he’d grown used to. Maybe because it was Suzaku’s finger instead of a sex toy, or maybe because Lelouch didn’t know exactly when and how it would move. His apprehension was returning, and again it was so hard to just _breathe_. …He was going to do this anyway, dammit. He was Lelouch Lamperouge—Zero—Lelouch _vi Britannia_. He was _going_ to have sex with his boyfriend, Kururugi Suzaku, whom Lelouch cherished above all others.

Suzaku stared at him thoughtfully for a moment before leaning down to kiss him. He gently started to massage the outer rim of Lelouch’s hole, obviously trying to relax him. Lelouch sighed again, lazily kissing back. Pulling up, Suzaku mentioned, a little too-innocently, “Did you know I had a chess wet dream about you?”

The strategist prince cursed, feeling heat zing throughout his body. His cock leapt, and his sphincter started to unclench. “Did you now?” he probed, interest lighting his eyes. The shadows in the room seemed a little less dense. “Tell me more.”

Suzaku hummed and slowly worked his first finger inside Lelouch to the knuckle as he recounted, “Well, you and I were naked on a giant chessboard. You were the king, naturally, and I was a knight.” His spine curved as he moved to suck a new hickey onto a pale patch of chest.

Riveted, Lelouch’s eyes darkened with hunger. “What happened next?” he asked in a hushed voice, able to ignore the uncomfortable stretch in his ass more easily with these satisfying distractions. He bit his lip. Suzaku was moving a bit faster down there than Lelouch had during his anal play masturbation sessions, but he didn’t want the brunet to slow down and possibly lose his nerve.

With a pleased smile, Suzaku lifted his head and continued, “I was trying to get to you the whole time, but I kept getting blocked.” He massaged Lelouch’s inner walls, waiting for the resistance to fade before he withdrew his finger and added some extra lube. Some of it dripped around and onto Lelouch’s nipples, causing Lelouch to shiver at the cold glop. Smirking, Suzaku pinched one of Lelouch’s nubs between his thumb and forefinger as he said, “This was back when I was crushing on you and convinced that you’d never give me the time of day.”

Lelouch winced, remembering how confused and angry Suzaku had been at all the unintentional jerking around.

“It’s okay,” Suzaku chuckled, understanding like he always did. He re-inserted his same finger and slid it in and out repeatedly, grinning as Lelouch’s inside walls relaxed around it slightly faster than before. “I’m happy with how we ended up,” Suzaku said with a strong smile. It had been one hell of a journey so far, and they were still traveling; in fact, they had the rest of their lives to walk their shared path together. His free hand moved to rub reassurance into Lelouch's skin; Suzaku massaged all over Lelouch’s torso, spreading some of the spilled lubricant as he went. Flicking a nipple lightly, he persisted with his story, “Anyway, we finally came face-to-face on the board and—”

“We kissed?”

“Heh, not quite,” Suzaku said. He added a second digit and Lelouch, drooling at the dream, barely noticed. “I was so hard and I wanted you to touch me.

Eyelids fluttering, Lelouch reached for the lube and poured a generous amount on his hands. As Suzaku started scissoring his insides, Lelouch stroked lube onto his soldier’s cock. It felt right that they were simultaneously preparing each other.

Quivering, Suzaku licked his lips and changed position. “I think you wanted me too in that dream, but I woke up before anything happened.” He increased the range of motions of his fingers. Then his free hand slid all the way down to curl his lubricated fingers around Lelouch’s erection. Going silent for a moment, he baited, “I think I had another chess sex dream after we started going together.” At Lelouch’s loud, encouraging moan, he continued, “In that one, I think you were just interested in winning the game. You kept ordering the other chess pieces around, and all I wanted was for you to pay attention to me.” He constricted his fingers around the prince’s sky-high stiffness and moved them up and down, faster and faster.

Lelouch’s moans increased in volume, and he relished the heated attention. Suzaku added a third digit inside, never ceasing the stretching as he worked to distract Lelouch from his hang-ups. His spine curved again so he could lightly suck the tip of Lelouch's cock into his mouth, and his free hand kept stroking the hard shaft below. Lelouch fisted his hands in the sheets, eyes clenched tightly shut and teeth gritted as he tried his damndest to keep from coming. His sexual stamina had increased slightly from all the practice he’d given himself, but it meant nothing in the face of what he was experiencing now: Suzaku was going down on him, giving him a handjob, and fingering his ass all at the same time—after just winding Lelouch up with _chess wet dreams_. **_Fuck_**.

With a heated moan, Suzaku pulled off so he could continue the story. “I finally captured you—you were the king again, by the way—and we grinded together on the board in front of all the other chess pieces. You ordered them to watch.” With a rather saucy smile, Suzaku added, low and deep, “You felt _so_ good as you moved against me, Your Highness.”

Groaning, Lelouch surged up and relentlessly kissed him. “Fuck,” he breathed, his mind spinning. He was glad he was already lying down because there was no way his weaker-than-normal limbs could support him now. “You and chess, Suzaku. _You and **chess**_. Shit, there is nothing hotter.”

Suzaku smiled again and abruptly stopped the handjob. “I figured you’d enjoy that,” he said fondly. “Also, I think you’re ready.” He extracted all three fingers with a squelch.

Lelouch blinked, his attention zeroing in on his now-stretched anus. “That…wasn’t so bad,” he admitted. In fact, it had actually felt pretty decent there at the end. Suzaku had been respectful and attentive from start to finish. The tension slowly faded from Lelouch’s chest and he shared, “I liked the chess talk.”  _He knew just how to loosen me up_. It was true what they said about finding the right partner; the controlling prince never thought he’d want or even consider anal sex, but _for Suzaku_ — ** _with_** _Suzaku_ —he’d… Lelouch's hand pressed down on the Shinjuku scar tissue and his face shone with emotion meant solely for Suzaku’s eyes. “Are you ready…?”

With a look of wonder and enthusiasm, Suzaku shyly ducked his head and whispered, “Yeah. I…I love you, my prince.” He comfortingly rubbed his heads up and down Lelouch’s thighs, the action just as much for himself as for Lelouch. Sucking in a sharp breath, he shuffled closer and put himself into position. Suzaku's movements were shaky yet gentle, and he peered at his reserved lover with an unspoken question.

“I love you, too, my knight,” Lelouch murmured back, violet eyes flashing with said sentiment and anticipation. Nodding his assent, he lifted his chin. Warmth spread from the inside out as he waited for the climax of his plans to unfold, and he could feel his heart trying to pound its way out of his chest and into its home in Suzaku’s. Everything in the room seemed to melt away except for Suzaku's dazzling green eyes, filling him up with more love and fortitude than he’d thought possible. “Go on,” he ordered in a whisper. _This is really it_.

With a quick, excited nod, Suzaku fumbled with his hands on Lelouch’s ass cheeks and started to inch forward—just as Lelouch’s cell started to ring. The sudden sound split the air, shocking them both with its unexpected damage, like a bullet between outstretched hands. They had to move forward together or their night was shot. Suzaku froze, his brow knitting in consternation, and looked to Lelouch for clues.

-+-

Lelouch sent a withering glare at his phone, almost vibrating off his desk a few feet away. Anticipating the caller, he closed his eyes, considered his options, and offered his lover an apologetic smile. _Narita is our biggest operation yet. We’re at crunch time and it has to go perfectly_. At that precise moment, it felt like one of the hardest decisions he’d ever had to make, but… He’d accepted that being Zero came with its own set of hardships and sacrifices; he just didn’t want them to bleed over into his pure-hearted lover. “I’m sorry, Suzaku,” Lelouch lamented, twisting himself free (accidentally kneeing Suzaku in the side in the process) and nearly stumbling to his desk in a frenzy, legs like jelly. His mad dash from the bed knocked the forgotten condoms to the floor, not that either of them noticed with more important goings-on. “I have to get that.”

Indignant, Suzaku’s brow creased further and he objected loudly, “Can’t you talk to them _later_?!”

“Not this time,” Lelouch regretted, cringing at Suzaku’s outraged disbelief. He retraced his steps and gave his incredulous boyfriend a hurried kiss before Suzaku could ask about the ‘no number’ flashing on the screen. Flipping open the phone, he lowered the call volume to almost inaudible levels. While he couldn’t take the chance that Suzaku would overhear the other end, the thought of leaving him now was unbearable. Lelouch’s control only stretched so far that night. “Yes?” he demanded of the caller, startled and only barely able to swallow a yelp when Suzaku yanked him unceremoniously back onto the bed. He turned away for some semblance of privacy, but Suzaku just scooted close and embraced him tightly from behind—doing everything in his power to remind Lelouch that he was still there and not about to be ignored.

It was difficult to listen to Ohgi report on how the advance troops were doing in the Narita Mountains when Suzaku started touching him all over and pressing rough kisses into his neck, sending tingles of desire down his spine. Lelouch bit his lip but rolled his head to the side, trapping his phone between his ear and shoulder, to give Suzaku more room to work on the other side. “I see,” he acknowledged carefully as Ohgi updated him on Cornelia’s status. Suzaku tightened his hold and reached around to start vigorously pumping Lelouch’s neglected erection. The rebelling prince couldn’t hold back a gasp at _that_ unexpected touch, and he instinctively thrust his hips up; his head lolled backwards onto Suzaku’s shoulder as they moved jerkily together, and his cell slipped a bit from the sweat.

“I’m fine, keep going,” Lelouch ground out to both his lover and Black Knight, who had paused in surprise at his low cry.

Suzaku smirked against Lelouch’s neck and sped up his movements while his other hand started to rub pink perked nipples. He pressed his front even tighter against Lelouch's back, and he rolled his hips meaningfully against his body. Definitely pulling out all the stops.

Lelouch’s breath hitched and he snapped a fiery, “ _Yes!_ ” He might’ve just agreed to let Tamaki lead a squadron. …He didn’t even care. His blood heated from the warm pressure of Suzaku’s erection nestled against his lower back, and he felt a mixture of lube and Suzaku’s pre-come smear above his tailbone. “Keep moving,” he again ordered both of them—and promptly hung up. He dropped his phone and whirled around in his true soldier's arms for a desperate kiss.

Not letting himself be distracted, Suzaku broke the contact and demanded crossly, “Who keeps calling you?”

“I told you, I can’t—”

Suzaku glared and growled, chest heaving, “Lelouch, this has been going on long _enough_.”

Lelouch leaned in to kiss him again, feeling a sharp sting in his heart when Suzaku bent his head—clearly rejecting him.  At least until he got some answers Lelouch wasn’t ready to give. But then, with what was at stake now… Seeing Suzaku’s twisted expression of hurt and anger, Lelouch felt an uncommon urge to just lay himself bare for Suzaku in _every_ way—anything to wipe the pain from his face. Acting on that protective instinct, spurred by piercing guilt, Lelouch said, “That was…uh, never mind.” He caught himself at the last second and bit his tongue before he spilled any secrets that might put a damper on tonight’s plans, feeling torn inside from the conflicting priorities. “We can talk about this later,” the enigmatic prince said impatiently, moving to re-position himself to how he’d lay spread before they were interrupted. _The Black Knights aren’t going to ruin this for us_. He lifted his hips purposefully and leveled a stern yet beseeching gaze at his boyfriend, trying to get them both back in the mood with a provocative, “I believe we were in the middle of something rather important.”

Eyebrows drawing closer together, Suzaku argued vehemently, “Obviously not important enough since you took the call anyway—right when we were about to have _sex_ for the first time, Lelouch.” His hands tentatively returned to Lelouch's ass anyway, though his fingers flexed in time with the cascade of emotions across his face. “That’s a huge fucking deal.”

Lelouch’s eyes narrowed before he sighed and coached himself to relax. _He’s right. That’s inexcusable of me_. _Especially because he couldn’t possibly understand_ …“I know. I apologize.”

“You’re _really_ not going to give me anything more than that, are you?” griped Suzaku sourly.

Lelouch raised an eyebrow and countered saucily, “On the contrary, I’m about to give you all of me.” He spread his legs wider and shifted so Suzaku could have a better angle.

“I get your body and control, but not your secrets,” Suzaku discerned with a rueful grimace and a shake of his head, once more proving his often-overlooked shrewdness. He scooted forward on his knees and paused, searching Lelouch’s face intensely, probingly.

Lelouch yearned to know what Suzaku saw in his eyes, but the brunet’s expression finally settled into carefully guarded. It was a look Lelouch never wanted Suzaku to direct towards him. Sighing, heart heavy, Lelouch slowly reached out to cup Suzaku’s face. “I love you,” he breathed, an unspoken apology wrapped in his words. His thumb swept back and forth tenderly across Suzaku's cheekbone. “My secrets don’t change that.” Violet eyes glinted with sincerity and slight remorse. _We felt so connected before Ohgi called…_ Lelouch closed his eyes and took a deep breath, pulling from the reserve of courage he’d gathered for tonight. “I had a severe lapse of judgement,” he admitted in a low tone. _I fucked up, Suzaku_. “I shouldn’t have answered that.”

“Gee, you think?” Suzaku shot back, a brittle bitterness still present in his voice. Leaning closer, he seemed to struggle with himself for a long moment before slumping and nodding weakly. A lot of his angry energy seemed to drain out of him; perhaps he’d found what he’d needed to see after all. His eyes were pained, but his voice was strong when he declared, “…I love you, too, Lelouch.”

“Do you trust me?” Lelouch asked automatically. _If Suzaku says ‘no,’ then should we really continue?_

Suddenly irritated again, Suzaku tensed and reflected back, “Wait a minute. Do _you_ trust _me_?”

Lelouch trailed his hand down the soldier’s body, letting it habitually curve around the Shinjuku wounds scar tissue as he put forth, “I do trust you, Suzaku.” He ignored the flickering doubt that if he truly, one-hundred percent trusted Suzaku, then he’d tell him about Zero, about Geass, about all of it. But—that was _Zero_. Suzaku had all of _Lelouch_. There was still a very, very thin distinction in his mind that let Lelouch rationalize away his lies.

Suzaku still looked skeptical, not for the first time that night.

“I’m giving you everything that matters,” Lelouch swore, feeling panicked at the way things were spiraling. “Someday, I’ll tell you the entire truth. You don’t need to worry.” In the back of his mind, he wondered how long he could keep buying Suzaku off with the assurance of ‘later’ and easy promises—but that was a problem for another day. He repeated his question with a tight throat and chest—“Do you trust me?”—and held his breath as he waited for judgment.

To his immense relief, Suzaku slowly nodded before saying, “I just don’t want you to shut me out. I want to be involved in your life, even the dark parts.” Something flickered in green eyes too quick for Lelouch to catch, but Suzaku only smiled thinly and readjusted his hold with a firmer grip. Muttering a low, “I just want you to be safe and happy,” he followed up his declaration with a measured pelvic grind.

Lelouch’s breath hitched and his wilting erection sprang back to life at the renewed touching, mirroring the way his heart sprang back to life at Suzaku’s solemn faith. “Then join with me,” he growled, desire coursing through every cell of his body. _Join me and fight for justice against Britannia. Be my Knight_. _Be my Everything. Be **mine**_. His free hand scrambled for the lube and Lelouch coated Suzaku's hardness with a fresh layer, making him groan deep in his throat as he realized—and seemingly accepted—where things were headed again.

“Always,” Suzaku promised, fire in his voice, and pressed only the tip of his cock against Lelouch’s entrance. “Good so far?”

Lelouch nodded. _He didn’t need that much persuading_. _Thank you, teenage boy hormones._  “Keep going,” he instructed, pressing his palm tight against the soldier’s scar tissue. The contact helped his head to clear, and he realized with a warm glow in his heart, _He’s giving me control where he can. Oh, Suzaku_.

Bowing his head, Suzaku took it slow to let Lelouch adjust in tiny increments. His gaze stayed locked on Lelouch’s the entire time, even as his eyes glazed over and misted from the noticeable effort of holding himself back.

-+-

Lelouch’s chest felt tight as Suzaku pushed in. This wasn’t all that enjoyable. The pressure was uncomfortable, at the very least, as Suzaku’s girth was a lot thicker than even three fingers or the widest of his plugs. The night’s events were blurring together. He couldn’t think straight anymore, and that alone was disconcerting. His arousal was weakening as the moments ticked by, and he flinched at the slow, dragging burn.

Suzaku stopped upon noticing the cringe. “Do you want me to pull out?”

Hurriedly, Lelouch shook his head. He wasn’t necessarily getting anything out of this, but… “I want you inside me. I want to make you feel good.” _And I refuse to back down_.

Frowning, Suzaku started to pull back anyway. “It’s got to be good for both of us, Lelouch.” Sweat dripped down his determined face.

Grasping Suzaku’s hips, Lelouch halted his progress. “Wait a minute!” _I planned this out. We’re **going** to achieve our objective_. _We got all the way through Stage D…_ He stared up at Suzaku firmly and took several more deep breaths, gathering his resolve. _After all, Suzaku and I can do **anything** together_. Face just as convinced, he explained, “I read…it’s gonna be like this at first. We just have to push through. It’ll get better, Suzaku.” It seemed strange to Lelouch that _he_ was pushing the issue of Suzaku pushing into him. Didn’t Suzaku want this more than anything? This was their moment. Sighing, Lelouch pressed at Suzaku's hips and commanded, “Get all the way in.” He waited a heartbeat before saying, “I _want_ you to.”

Suzaku choked back a nervous snort and settled himself. “If you’re sure…” At Lelouch’s strong nod, Suzaku returned to the task at hand. He watched Lelouch's face for any sign of pain, but Lelouch just kept nodding and murmuring encouragements to him. It took a bit of time, but Suzaku finally worked his tip in and Lelouch breathed a sigh of relief; everything would be easier after this because the head was wider than the shaft. The plan would unfold progressively smoother.

“It’s okay,” Lelouch said, swallowing. “Keep going.” Seemingly about to protest, Suzaku opened his mouth; the partially-penetrated prince shushed him with a finger over the lips and a stern: “Suzaku. Keep. Going.”

Gaping, Suzaku pushed in a little deeper. Lelouch panted heavily and his eyes watered, but he continuously nodded for more. Suzaku waited for Lelouch to stop clenching so tightly and relax before slipping further. Little by little, Suzaku sheathed himself fully in his boyfriend, stopping only when his hanging balls brushed Lelouch’s ass. Trembling with obvious emotion, Suzaku braced himself above Lelouch and surged down for a kiss; Lelouch met him halfway, his fingers wrapping securely around Suzaku’s left wrist.

“It’s okay,” Lelouch said when they eventually separated for air. Suzaku felt thicker and warmer than the toys, the pressure was greater, but the most noticeable difference was that the prince could feel his knight _pulsing_ up there. _He’s inside me. Suzaku’s **inside** me!_ The deep and throbbing connection made his heart beat faster than it ever had in his whole life. Lelouch had never felt so filled, and not only in the literal sense. It was the most amazing contrast to the emptiness that had seeped deeper into his soul over the years, draining his will to survive and leaving him to only go through the motions of living. At that very moment, Lelouch felt reborn—alive—even more than when he’d obtained Geass. He was once more excited to see where things would go from that point, so he said to his lover, “You can try moving.”

Suzaku tried an experimental thrust, causing Lelouch to cry out and cling tighter to him.

Panicking, Suzaku demanded, “Good? Bad?!”

“It’s _okay_ ,” Lelouch repeated, evading the question. “It’s _you_.” He lifted his right leg to wrap snugly around Suzaku’s hips, holding him in place. His fingers frantically stroked the scar tissue on the other side of the soldier’s torso, and little by little, he relaxed in his lover’s arms. The wide stretch was still unpleasant, but he was getting used to it. It didn’t hurt, per se. His brain was working better. _It’s not so bad anymore. In fact, he feels more incredible than I expected_.  It seemed now that all of his preparations had helped after all; maybe the relaxant was working. Whatever the case, he was _finally_ _connected to Suzaku_. That simple fact overshadowed any lingering discomfort and left him dizzy. He’d surrendered his prized control, and he’d let Suzaku in where no one else was welcome. Triumph thrummed in his veins, mixed with physical pleasure that overloaded his senses. Groaning, his eyelids fluttered closed and he rocked his lower body, searching out yet more. He was overwhelmed, but he tried to remember his experimentations. “It’s somewhere…” He twisted and tried different angles, guiding Suzaku—there!

Suzaku breathed easy when Lelouch’s head snapped back and a low keening noise ripped from his throat.

Exhilarating waves of electricity zinged through Lelouch’s entire body unlike anything he’d ever experienced before, and his vision spotted white with pleasure. He didn’t even realize he’d reacted until he suddenly found himself staring at the ceiling, breathing hard, with his throat stinging. This jolt had felt more intense than even his roughest movements with the plugs, although that was subjective and the reaction was most likely amplified by the situation itself. Doing things with Suzaku always beat doing things by himself. When Lelouch came to, he realized Suzaku was stroking his damp hair and pressing wet kisses over his shoulders. The pulsating pleasure just now more than made up for the uncomfortable and honestly inconvenient preparations to get this far—and most importantly, _Suzaku_ had brought him to that peak. The realization sent more tingles sweeping through Lelouch. “There,” he said weakly, cautiously. “Aim there.” Lelouch sighed peacefully and swept his free arm up Suzaku’s, over his shoulder, and down his back. Lelouch’s other hand never left his security blanket of scar tissue, but he didn’t press against it quite so hard.

“The prostate,” Suzaku recited solemnly. “I’m…I’m going to move again now. If you’re ready.”

Lelouch nodded his consent. “By all means.”

Laughing, Suzaku set a slow and unsteady pace, hitting that one special spot every few tries, more by luck than design. His erratic thrusts made the bed shake, and Lelouch’s phone joined the condoms on the hardwood floor with a thud. Lelouch’s foot on Suzaku’s thigh slipped a little, losing traction on tan skin with the sheen of sweat. Suzaku shuddered and drove himself deeper. “Still good?” he gasped.

“Don’t stop,” Lelouch said by way of answer, trying his best to keep up with his more athletic lover. Like always, Suzaku seemed to have superhuman skills at all things physical. Despite their eagerness, their different stamina levels and double inexperience made it hard to move together. After a time, Suzaku slipped out completely by accident.

Immediately, Suzaku froze and winced. “Lelouch, I’m so sor—”

Lelouch smiled tenderly and placed his finger over his boyfriend’s lips, halting his apology. “It’s all right, Suzaku,” he soothed, voice deep and sure. “Just put it back in.”

Again, Suzaku stared at him in amazement. “Are you sure—?”

Tossing his head, Lelouch huffed, “ _Do it_.”

“I don’t want to hurt you again…”

Lelouch rolled his eyes, fondly annoyed. “I’m already stretched. Just, use some more lube and put your cock in me. Hurry up.”

They had a bit of a pause as Suzaku scrabbled to obey, slicking himself with more lube before gently re-inserting himself. As Lelouch had predicted, it went quicker than the first time. After that, Suzaku didn’t need as much reassurance to keep thrusting—though he still needed _some_ because it was Suzaku, and he always worried too much about hurting Lelouch. It was as endearing as it was exasperating. The sex was nowhere near perfect with both of them fumbling and god _damn_ Lelouch was tired, but…it was _them_. _Together_. In the truest sense.

“You can…ah, you can thrust harder!” Lelouch suggested. “I want it rougher. Go faster.”

Suzaku moaned and apparently got over his hesitation since he adhered to the request and started _hammering_ Lelouch into the bed.

Lelouch gasped his approval and tilted his head back on the pillow, feeling his body being pushed up on the bed with every robust movement. “That’s great!” he praised, his feedback resulting in Suzaku's proud smile and a continued quickened pace. It was wonderfully dizzying at first until—

Suzaku shuddered and groaned as he slowed his thrusts on his own, knowing Lelouch’s body by now and clearly wanting him to last longer. “We only have one first time,” he said. “Let’s enjoy it, my prince.” His hips slowed to an almost _obnoxious_ pace as he lightly kissed his way down Lelouch’s pale chest, nuzzling old hickies as he went. He stopped to draw a hardened nub into his mouth and suckle tantalizingly.

Moaning, Lelouch clutched at Suzaku's shoulder blade, head falling back on the pillow as he pushed his chest into Suzaku’s mouth. “Ngh, don’t _tease_ me, Suzaku!” he complained with a gasp. Sparks raced along his skin everywhere Suzaku touched, but it wasn’t enough. Lelouch needed more. He craved the lightning _shock_. Butting his pelvis meaningfully against Suzaku, he silently urged him to go faster again as he otherwise ordered, “Bite me. **_Bite_** _my **nipples**_!”

Shuddering harder at the dirty command, Suzaku promptly bit down—hard—and simultaneously _snapped_ his hips forward.

“Oh, **_YES_!** ” Lelouch screamed, taking full advantage of Nunnally’s absence. His cock twitched and stiffened harder at the rough treatment, though Lelouch hadn’t thought he could grow more aroused. “M-more, Suzaku, do it again!”

Drawing back, the soldier repeated the motions, causing the prince’s enthusiastic exclamations to fill every inch of the room. Maybe even the entire Lamperouge suite.

Feeling electricity radiate from both crotch and breast, Lelouch looked down and commanded breathlessly, “Now bite my other nipple! Use your teeth!"

Suzaku chuckled against him as he moved to comply. “Ah, Lelouch, you’re so bossy in bed,” he teased, green eyes affectionately staring up into purple. Without breaking eye-contact, he nipped at the thus-far neglected nub and thrust his cock deeper than ever.

Lelouch mewled with pleasure, eyelids flapping as he fought to control himself like he controlled Suzaku. His chest heaved as he gasped, but he held tighter to his lover as if Suzaku was more precious than air.

Easing up, Suzaku licked the pebbled nipple in his mouth, soothing the sting. His eyes gleamed at Lelouch, and his hips kept rhythmically jerking back and forth.

“Suzaku,” moaned Lelouch, trying to spread his legs wider still. He was swelling with happiness and pleasure of every kind, and he had to express his overwhelming feelings. There was no way he’d hold back in his own bed, or with his beloved boyfriend. Maybe with everyone else, in any other situation, but…not now. Lelouch _meant_ to give Suzaku all of him—that was the whole point—and he’d agreed to fully express himself. Catching hold of the big idea he still couldn’t get over, he said in awe, “Suzaku, you’re so deep inside me…”

“Oh, _Lelouch_!”

With a burning gaze, Lelouch said in a salacious tone, “I can feel your whole cock filling me up…”

Suzaku’s eyes widened, red rushing to his cheeks—even as his expression morphed into pleased and hungry. His movements grew spasmodic. “Lelouch!”

“You feel _so_ wonderful…” At the moment, Lelouch didn’t think even bringing Britannia to its knees could compare to the feeling of Suzaku’s passionate lovemaking.

Suzaku moaned, low and deep.

“Like you _belong_ in me…” Lelouch had been saying all along that Suzaku’s true home was with him, that the soldier should just _move in_. Lelouch groaned as Suzaku pressed deeper inside him than before, like he was trying to mark out a place to stay. Forever. “Don’t leave. Don’t stop!”

Suzaku _surged_ up for a kiss; he was clearly trying to suck all of Lelouch’s air out his lungs.

Lelouch groaned and held Suzaku close, gasping into his mouth as the brunet tried to swallow his tongue. Their bodies pressed tight together, trapping Lelouch’s twitching erection between them and making him cry out with want. Suzaku’s thrusts slowed into almost non-existent as they writhed around each other. Feeling overheated, Lelouch wrestled and rolled them over until he was on top, clenching around Suzaku as he went. Even knowing the soldier had let him win that round couldn’t dampen his victory; as long as he cradled Suzaku inside him, then he considered himself a champion.

Suzaku inhaled with pleasure and smiled radiantly up at him, green eyes soft and warm. “We should’ve done it this way in the beginning,” he said. His hands fluttered to Lelouch’s hips as he offered graciously, “You take full control.” Eyes suddenly glinting with lust and mischief, he added lowly, “Ride me, my prince.”

A rush of heat spread through Lelouch’s body as he got a taste of what his own dirty commands must have done to his lover. “ _Suzaku_!” It took a few seconds to process what Suzaku meant, and Lelouch felt his heart overflow with love for his boyfriend. Suzaku could be an idiot at times, but he left Lelouch truly breathless when he had his moments. Out of nowhere, the prince was surprised to find that he didn’t _need_ to hold onto the soldier’s Shinjuku scar tissue anymore. Suzaku had more than proven himself—and well, maybe he wasn’t the only one. Panting heavily, Lelouch slid both hands across damp, tan skin and braced himself on Suzaku’s chest to weakly push himself up. Arms shaking, Lelouch gazed down into understanding verdant eyes with utter adoration, soaking in Suzaku’s steadying presence beneath him.

Suzaku kept grinning up at him—like an idiot in love.

Lelouch bit his lip, wanting to express gratitude to Suzaku for handing over the reins entirely but not wanting to say ‘thank you’ aloud. Not that his pride should have mattered much at this juncture. Suzaku just stared at him and squeezed his hips, like he knew what Lelouch sought to convey. Lelouch relaxed; of course Suzaku understood. He didn’t need to say a word. Straightening up a bit, violet eyes narrowed with determination. He would make this as good for Suzaku as Suzaku was doing for him.

Lelouch tentatively used his knees to lift himself up, feeling Suzaku slip out a bit from the motion. Before disconnecting their bodies completely, his legs trembled from the exertion combined with the stimulation and he let himself drop nimbly down, impaling himself on Suzaku’s waiting cock. His lover’s cry of satisfaction sounded muted and far away behind the roaring in his own ears. Lelouch howled his wordless ecstasy without thinking, his vision blurring, and his fingernails automatically dug into tan skin.

Suzaku’s toes curled and his hands grabbed hold of Lelouch’s upper thighs to help him. “ _Lelouch_ , fucking _hell_! That’s it,” he praised. “Keep going. Just like that, Lelouch.” Clutching pale legs, he guided Lelouch up for another cycle; Suzaku drove himself up into Lelouch as Lelouch started pushing down, more than doubling the amount of force.

Immediately, Lelouch yelled louder. Still bracing himself on Suzaku’s chest, he raised his body again before ramming himself down, gasping and groaning as Suzaku plunged into him on his end so their bodies met in the middle. Again, Lelouch hollered, “Oh god, Suzaku, yes, yes, yes!” They settled into a slow rhythm, Lelouch pausing to catch his breath every few moments while Suzaku smiled patiently at him and reached one hand up to wrap around Lelouch’s bobbing cock. Lights spotted across Lelouch's vision and he slowed even more, palms slipping on Suzaku's sweaty chest. “Oh shit, fuck, yes, _touch me_!”

Suzaku continued to beam, one hand supporting Lelouch’s hip and the other stroking his twitching erection. Loyally, he vowed, “Always, my prince.” His eyes traced Lelouch’s wildly trembling body, and his thumb started rubbing smooth circles on the prince’s hipbone. His other hand pumped Lelouch faster as he crashed his hips up, making the prince _caterwaul_. Obviously trying to help, Suzaku took on more of the work but still let Lelouch direct their movements. Face glowing, he moaned, “God, Lelouch, you’re so hot…”

Lelouch’s heart thudded faster.

“Sliding up and down me,” Suzaku continued wantonly. “Owning your control…working me so hard…” He cried out sharply. “I can’t get enough of you! Of watching my cock disappear in your body…in and out…of feeling your ass clamp down on me…you’re so _tight_ , Lelouch. _So_ tight!”

Lelouch gasped in surprised satisfaction. He’d never expected his boyfriend to say such things—hadn’t Suzaku, earlier that very evening, grown embarrassed by admitting he knew the cock went up the asshole in anal sex?—but the lewd words stirred up his excitement into an even greater frenzy. He grew yet more affected when Suzaku started waxing poetic about his eyes, skin, and hair—followed by overwhelming praise for Lelouch's personality and abundant skills. (Outside of riding Suzaku’s cock.) Soaking up all the compliments, Lelouch moaned, “Suzaku, _Suzaku_ , I’m gonna…” His neck rolled and his sweat-soaked hair swung from their rapid-fire pace. As he forcefully bounced on Suzaku's cock, he felt a familiar coil in his belly start to tighten.

“Me too, Lelouch,” Suzaku gasped. “I’m so close. _So_ close!” He breathed harder and started to sweat more, and Lelouch felt a flash of achievement that even his exercise-nut lover was finally having to exert himself. Tremors traveled through the soldier’s fit, muscled body, and green eyes squinted with pleasure. He made noises that even the well-read Britannian couldn’t identify—which honestly stroked Lelouch's ego.

Leaning down, changing the angle of their connection, Lelouch buried his hands in soft, brown curls and dragged Suzaku up for an ardent kiss. More static sparks seemed to course through Lelouch's nerves.

“Love you,” Suzaku moaned into his mouth. “Lelouch, my prince.” His pulse was visibly racing in his neck as he kept rocking vigorously up into Lelouch. Pressing his head into the Lelouch's shoulder, hips still slamming up, Suzaku breathed sensually into his neck, “Kimi wo aishiteru, Rurushu. Kokoro no sokakara aishiteru. Anata nashidewa ikite ikanai. Zutto issho-ni itai.” He managed to pummel the prince’s prostate with one last particularly powerful thrust; at that, Lelouch lost control of the building intensity, wound higher than ever by Suzaku crooning lilting Japanese into his skin, and let go.

The brazen prince arched into his boyfriend with a piercing shriek, and for the first time their experience matched the movies as Lelouch's orgasm pulled Suzaku over the edge right along with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I never said I was good at writing sex. ._.
> 
> ANYWAY:
> 
> Kimi wo aishiteru, Rurushu: I love you, Lelouch
> 
> Kokoro no sokakara aishiteru: I love you from the bottom of my heart
> 
> Anata nashidewa ikite ikanai: I can't live without you
> 
> Zutto issho-ni itai: I want to be with you forever
> 
> Translations found here.


	13. Absence and the Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys miss each other. Plot happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented, left kudos, started following my Tumblr, etc. 
> 
> Thanks as always to my lovely beta-reader, TheGeminiSage, for looking over this whale of a tale. ~~She is love. Go read her Undertale comic, Refuse. :D~~
> 
> I'm still working on revising the last three chapters of this prequel. I was going to wait until I had Chapter 14 done before posting this (I've been sitting on it since December), but I've gotten some Tumblr messages reminding me that it's been awhile since I updated, so here you go. Have a transition chapter. It will be awhile before I update again, though, for sure. Real life is cra-zy. I'm sorry about the wait, but thank you in advance for understanding. I'm doing my best.
> 
> This fic now has Fanart! :o
> 
> Check out this [lovely picture](http://neodiji.tumblr.com/post/156426287614/kurainosousuke-suzalulu-in-japanese-wedding) by [Kurainosousuke](http://kurainosousuke.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr.

Suzaku woke from the most restful sleep he’d had in years—maybe even his whole life.  There were no nightmares about his father, no wet dreams that left him ultimately empty when he woke up alone, no horrific invading thoughts about his penance through death… He sank into the mattress and stared beatifically at the reason for his inner peace.

It was too dark to make out any of Lelouch’s fine features, but his breathing was steady and comforting to Suzaku. They’d curled up together after they’d finished (and after Lelouch had made a trip to the bathroom), satisfied and exhausted (Lelouch more so than Suzaku), but somewhere in the middle of the night, they’d moved apart. Lelouch had rolled into the wet spot but hadn’t noticed in his deep sleep. One of his arms dangled over the edge of the bed, and his head was in danger of falling off the pillow.

Stretching out by the wall, Suzaku yawned and weighed the merits of rolling Lelouch so he could sleep more comfortably. He seemed happy enough, however, and Suzaku didn’t want to risk waking him. Lelouch needed his sleep. Especially after…

Suzaku felt a strong sense of wonder as he remembered their night. The trust Lelouch put in him was truly humbling and gratifying; it was arguably even more exceptional than the peaks of physical pleasure they’d climbed together. Suzaku knew Lelouch had had some reservations, no matter how he’d denied them, but he’d pushed through them for Suzaku’s sake. Lelouch might come across as lazy and egocentric to others, but he showed his true selfless personality with Suzaku. The soldier was in utter awe of his prince. He hoped he measured up.

He also hoped he’d made it good for his partner. The beginning hadn’t been that great for Lelouch, Suzaku recalled, and he knew he’d made some mistakes in the middle… A light blush of embarrassment rose in his cheeks when he remembered, in his overzealous movements, slipping out of Lelouch entirely. _Who **does** that?! _ he bemoaned _. I hope Lelouch still wants me after last night._

The room started to lighten as dawn approached, and Suzaku took some deep, silent breaths to calm himself as he tried to remember the good parts. Despite the imperfections, they’d come together in the end and they’d been connected in every sense of the word. It was still amazing and special. _Lelouch_ made it special.

Suzaku’s musings were interrupted by the ringtone of his cell, and he scrambled over his boyfriend and off the bed to reach his discarded clothes on the floor before Lelouch woke up. He dug in his pocket for the loud device and glanced up, noticing bleary violet eyes tracking his movements. Suzaku winced. _Oh. Perhaps I shouldn’t have clambered over Lelouch like that if I didn’t want him to wake up._ Sending his prince a soft, apologetic smile, Suzaku answered the phone in a low voice, barely above a whisper, “Hello?”

“Suzaku?” Cecile’s voice sounded surprised, relieved, and a little worried. “Are you okay? Where are you?”

Grimacing, Suzaku said, “Oh, sorry! I’m fine. I stayed…at a friend’s house.” He’d slept over at Lelouch’s in the past, but never before a military trip. He supposed it was within his superiors’ rights to question why he wasn’t in his dorm the morning he was supposed to report for a special mission.

Cecile was silent for a long moment until finally: “Okay. I’m glad you’re all right, Suzaku.”

“Sorry again.”

Cecile sighed over the phone. “It’s fine, Suzaku. Lloyd just wants to do some last-minute runs with the Lancelot before we head out. You’re needed here.”

Suzaku bit back a sigh. He didn’t want to leave Lelouch so soon. Couldn’t the Special Corp wait? It was barely dawn! But he understood how the military operated, so he simply answered, “Yes, Miss Cecile. I’m on my way.” Not wanting to be rude, he waited for her to hang up first.

Lelouch slipped out of bed and gracefully plucked Suzaku’s phone out of his hand. “Who was that?” he questioned grumpily.

“My superior,” the soldier muttered. “I was supposed to report for that field trip.”

Lelouch scowled. “Of course,” he grumbled sullenly. “I have to share you with the military, like always.” Crossing his arms over his bare chest, he glared and commanded, “You’re not going anywhere yet. I can’t let you leave like this.”

Suzaku felt that familiar warm tightening in his navel at the possessiveness coloring his boyfriend’s tone, mixed with irritation that _he_ always had to share Lelouch with that secret gambling ring. Or whomever it was that kept interrupting their moments, especially last night when they’d just been about to try sex. “I don’t have a choice,” Suzaku protested, choosing to let the hypocrisy issue go and not let it spoil their ‘morning after,’ even as he let his lover pull him to his feet.

“Don’t let the military push you around.”

“…I have _orders_.”

Lelouch’s lips thinned with blatant annoyance as he said, “Then as your prince, let me give you new orders: Stay with me. At least a little while longer.” His eyes and voice were strong and authoritative, pulling Suzaku in.

Suzaku knew Lloyd and Cecile were waiting. He knew they were preparing for a special operation as potential back-up for the Viceroy of Area 11. He knew his contributions as a pilot were critical for the Special Corp to function. He knew the right thing to do was to leave and hurry back to base. What came out of his mouth was, “Yes, my prince.”

A satisfied smirk curled Lelouch’s lips and he leaned his body against Suzaku’s. With a deep sigh, he hugged his lover and casually said, “Besides, you’re downright filthy. Were you really going to throw on a crumpled school uniform and rush to base without cleaning yourself up?”

Suzaku’s brain short-circuited. Lelouch was right; he couldn’t do that. He tried to imagine changing into his flight suit with dried come crusted on his skin, and he blushed deeply. The Special Corp wasn’t overly concerned with modesty, and Lloyd and Cecile could easily see… He shook his head frantically, trying to vanish the thought. He’d been damn lucky so far that they’d never noticed the hickeys Lelouch continuously left on him, but he couldn’t risk things as they were now. “No, no. You have a point.”

“I always do,” Lelouch said calmly. He squeezed Suzaku’s naked bottom and said, “To the shower. Let’s go.”

Blinking, Suzaku tilted his head. “You’re coming, too?”

Lelouch gave him a _look_. “Unless you’d rather go alone.”

“No!” Suzaku objected quickly. “I…uh…I’d love for you to join me.” Lelouch was filthy, too. It actually made Suzaku’s blood heat up, much to his embarrassment.

Another satisfied grin appeared on Lelouch’s face, and they made their way to the restroom side-by-side. It was pleasantly domestic, if a bit awkward, to take care of their business and brush their teeth before stepping under the warm shower spray together. In the past, they’d taken turns with hygiene matters and respected one another’s privacy; it suddenly didn’t seem so important to maintain that line after having sex.

“How are you feeling?” Suzaku ventured, pouring some shampoo in his hands. With a mental shrug, he started rubbing the shampoo into black hair. If Lelouch didn’t like it, Suzaku knew he’d hear about it.

Lelouch allowed it, even let his head fall back completely into Suzaku’s hands as he relaxed into the massage. “Blissful,” he moaned, eyelids fluttering shut. After a long moment, he turned and reached for Suzaku, drawing him close and initiating the first kiss of the morning.

Sinking into the embrace, Suzaku felt his heart soar. He lost track of time, and in the back of his mind, he was glad that they’d brushed their teeth because why deal with morning breath after losing their virginities? Their kisses were slow and languid under part of the shower spray, and Suzaku felt any last traces of fear and awkwardness float away. Lelouch still wanted him. Lelouch was happy with him. It was him and Lelouch, just like always.

Suzaku pulled his lips from Lelouch’s with a slight ‘pop,’ delighting in seeing lustrous purple eyes pierce his own. It was somehow deeper than all the other times he’d stared into Lelouch’s eyes, which hadn’t seemed possible. It was as if Lelouch wasn’t hiding or holding back, and Suzaku could see straight through to his heart and soul. Considering this was Lelouch, who wrapped himself in protective layers of lies, it was pretty powerful.

Then again, he’d always been more honest with Suzaku than most. It was flattering nonetheless.

Lelouch smiled and took hold of the shampoo, apparently intent on returning the favor. He manually guided Suzaku out of the limited shower spray so he could slip under and take his place. “How are _you_?” he asked.

His long, thin fingers were heavenly in the brunet’s hair, and Suzaku couldn’t help the soft sigh that escaped him. “Perfect,” he said in a hushed voice. Even though he was cold, that didn’t matter. His hands roamed Lelouch’s slippery back and sides, enjoying the smooth skin beneath his fingertips as much as the head massage. “You make everything perfect.”

Lelouch nodded slightly, face bright, and started to rinse out the shampoo. For once, it seemed, Suzaku had rendered him speechless.

Still on cloud nine, Suzaku readied a washcloth with soap. He started to scrub Lelouch’s body clean, removing all traces of come, lube, saliva, and whatever else was sticking to his skin. Lelouch shuddered with appreciation and moaned as his cock started to harden, and Suzaku’s lips curled at the idea that Lelouch’s cleaning obsession transferred to sex. He’d have to remember that. For now, he kept rubbing the washcloth in little circles, pressing harder where he knew from experience that Lelouch was sensitive. Primal satisfaction flooded through him as he skimmed Lelouch’s reddened nipples, indented with his teeth marks. Avoiding Lelouch’s groin, Suzaku focused on cleansing the rest of his skin, and he gasped when he turned Lelouch around and noticed the mess between his ass cheeks and on his upper thighs.

Looking over his shoulder, Lelouch raised an eyebrow. “What is it, Suzaku?”

Green eyes watered as Suzaku peered closer. He gulped. “There’s…there’s dried blood…and a lot of, um, my come is…”

“Oh.” Lelouch shrugged, unconcerned. “That’s to be expected. It’s fine.”

“Does it hurt?”

Lelouch shifted. “Only a little,” he said. “It’s bearable.”

Suzaku’s eyes narrowed. “You shouldn’t hurt at all.” He was extra gentle as he got in there good and cleaned.

Again, Lelouch shrugged. “It was our first time. We’ll get better.” He sounded confident, which lifted Suzaku’s spirits and put him at ease. Continuing, Lelouch confessed, “It was completely worth it, Suzaku. I don’t regret anything.”

Warmth flooded Suzaku’s chest and, upon finishing, he dropped the stained washcloth and turned Lelouch around to kiss him breathless. “I love you,” he whispered.

Looking dazed, Lelouch said, “And I love you.” He reached for another washcloth and said, “Now, are you going to do something about this or should I take care of it myself?” He thrust his erection against Suzaku’s hip, slipping a little from the water on the floor.

Steadying him, Suzaku stole the washcloth. “Let me,” he said, pupils blown. He reached down and started to stroke and massage Lelouch’s cock with the wet cloth, knowing the friction from the small towel must be pleasurable from the way Lelouch held onto him, shook, and moaned. Lelouch stiffened and came into the very material meant to clean him of it, and Suzaku flipped it over afterwards and did one last sweep to make sure his prince was spotless.

“Oooh, Suzaku…”

Pleased with himself, Suzaku chuckled. He reached for the last washcloth at their disposal, but Lelouch snatched it first.

“Let me,” Lelouch echoed, voice demanding.

Suzaku nodded and closed his eyes, mourning the loss even as he relished the feeling of all the grime being scrubbed away. Huh. Maybe Lelouch was onto something there. The somewhat rough wet cloth was more arousing than he’d have thought, but maybe it was more in the way Lelouch was handling it so expertly. Regardless, by the time Lelouch was done—which took some time because he was _extremely_ thorough—Suzaku was almost painfully hard. He thrust into Lelouch’s hand as the prince cleaned him down there with the cloth, disappointed when Lelouch let it drop instead of jerking him off with it.

Suzaku wasn’t disappointed for long as Lelouch knelt down—right in the tub—and took the hard Japanese cock into his mouth. Suzaku’s breath hitched, and his eyes were amazed as Lelouch sucked him off a little out from under the shower spray to avoid choking. He almost slipped, catching himself on the wet walls before falling. Then he groaned louder, his voice echoing in the enclosed space, when Lelouch deigned to _swallow_.

Lelouch’s face was carefully passive as he pulled off, but he licked his lips, maintained direct eye contact, and reminded Suzaku so matter-of-factly, “Didn’t you say once that you wanted me to clean you using my tongue?”

Dumbstruck, Suzaku knelt in the tub and kissed his prince until the water spraying down on them turned cold.

-+-

Lelouch felt like he was giving up a piece of himself as he sent Suzaku on his way, back to the goddamn military where the Japanese youth surely didn’t belong.  Despite some hiccups, they’d grown closer than ever and he wanted those feelings to last. He supposed it was for the best, though. If the military hadn’t pulled Suzaku away, the Black Knights would have pulled him.

All the same, he felt lonely on his way back to his bedroom; the entire suite felt empty with Suzaku gone, not to mention Nunnally. It wouldn’t matter soon since he’d be off 'camping' at Narita, but at the moment his home of the past several years felt alien. It was too still and quiet. It felt different. _Lelouch_ felt different—but he didn’t, at the same time. It was strange and impossible to describe. Closing his eyes, he relived memories from last night and this morning, feeling himself grow excited and then relax. Lelouch yearned to make more memories with Suzaku. He felt so much closer and connected to his lover.

Distractedly, Lelouch searched for his phone on the floor and noticed the unused condoms lying beside it. _Whoops. It shouldn’t matter too much_ , he calmed himself. It was an honest mistake, but hopefully one that wouldn’t come back to bite them later. At least Lelouch knew for a fact that neither of them had any sexually transmitted diseases. _We were both virgins_. It was, however, still annoying that he’d forgotten to initiate a step in his grand plan.

Snatching the two items from the ground, Lelouch tidied up (he definitely didn’t want Sayoko finding those sheets or washcloths) and prepared to be Zero. As he gingerly moved around, he took stock and noticed that his muscles ached and that it hurt to sit—but he’d had Suzaku _inside_ him; everything else paled in comparison. He marveled at everything, and the aching loneliness slowly dissipated.

His trust in Suzaku had paid off, and their time together left him feeling unconditionally _invincible_.

All things considered, Lelouch reflected as he readied to meet with his Black Knights, it was a fantastic way to start a major operation.

-+-

Suzaku was high on love and adrenaline as he piloted the Lancelot. Being with Lelouch had focused his drive, and he felt damn near _unbeatable_ as he challenged Zero and his Black Knights at Narita.

Then that high took a nosedive when Zero’s accomplice—that girl from the capsule!—touched his Knightmare and somehow made him face his worst memories in vivid detail. 

(“Father…you’re dead…that’s impossible! No, I…I didn’t mean to…no, I…I just…I HAD TO DO IT!”)

The experience cracked the protective walls he’d carefully built up around his heart since _that_ day, leading to a frenzied panic attack and an extreme and dangerous mental breakdown inside the Lancelot. There seemed no end to his suffering.

Trapped in his hallucination, Suzaku didn’t even realize that he fired at imaginary enemies with the Lancelot’s VARIS feature or went on a rampage through a luckily deserted stretch of woods on the Narita Mountains. Trying to kill the memory, he lashed out at his father’s visage repeatedly. Nothing worked, and Suzaku couldn’t escape as Genbu loomed over him with a stern and judgmental gaze. Screaming, shaking, and crying, Suzaku held onto the Lancelot’s controls for dear life—though he didn’t see what was truly in front of him, only the eerie white space and creepy groaning silhouettes surrounding his father as the vision consumed him whole.

As his sins closed in on him, Suzaku knew without a doubt that there was nothing left of himself worth saving.

When he finally came out the other side, the pilot noticed that Cecile, Lloyd, and Princess Euphemia were gazing at him with worry from outside the pried-open cockpit of his Knightmare. His unit had somehow been retrieved and returned to the Special Corp head trailer, though he had no recollection of it. He didn’t know what had happened or how long he’d lost his mind, but he was still trembling something fierce as he came back to the rest of the world.

“Suzaku…?” Euphemia hazarded hesitantly, reaching inside but pulling her hand back as if afraid. “Are you feeling better now?”

“Are you all right?” Cecile asked.

“Is my Lancelot all right?” Lloyd echoed.

While both young women glared at the head researcher for his tactless question, Suzaku relaxed enough to let go of the joysticks. He felt drained from the inside out, and his nerves felt shot. He felt completely hollow and empty inside. Nothing seemed real. “I’m fine,” he said mechanically. “I’m sorry.” The words were pre-programmed into his core as of the last seven years.

“Don’t be sorry!” Euphemia said in a bright rush, wearing a wide smile—though her eyes were still crinkled with concern. “What’s important is that you’re okay, Suzaku.”

The emotionally-broken pilot finally lifted his head and looked at the princess, not daring to answer aloud, _I’ll never be okay_. Still, somehow seeing her bravely smiling face gave him the strength to focus. With stiff and jerky movements, he climbed out of the Lancelot. The others hastily made room for him, and Euphemia supportively put her arms out when he stumbled on the platform.

“Well, at least my essential devicer can still function,” Lloyd observed. “With Zero escaped and over eighty percent of our forces buried alive, I’m pleased there’s _some_ good news.”

Suzaku staggered. “ _What_?”

Euphemia stepped forward and impulsively hugged Suzaku, while Cecile glared harder at Lloyd for his ill-timed inappropriate comments.

Suzaku didn’t even realize that Princess Euphemia wrapped him in her arms, his mind reeling from his failures. _I had Zero cornered and I let him get away? Over eighty percent of the Britannian forces were wiped out? That’s thousands of people dead! It’s all my fault!_ He swayed, his head falling forward automatically onto Euphemia’s shoulder as burning tears pricked the back of his eyes.

“These things happen, Suzaku,” Cecile tried to comfort him, patting him awkwardly on the back.

Lloyd pushed his glasses up his nose. “Yes, misfortune seems to happen a _lot_ around Suzaku, doesn’t it, Cecile? Do you think there’s a correlation?”

Shuddering, Suzaku lifted his head and watched with soulless eyes as Cecile screeched “Lloyd!” and pinched their boss’s ear before dragging him downstairs and out the door, admonishing him all the while: “Please think before you speak!” Their voices sounded from far away, while in his mind Lloyd’s callous remarks echoed and hit home each and every time. All Suzaku’s deathly mistakes swelled up and swirled together in his heart, and he despaired of ever making up for his sins. There was too much blood on his hands. Even in trying to wash away the old stains, he found himself steeped in more.

Euphemia stepped back suddenly and looked up at him, lavender eyes watering. “Suzaku,” she sniffled, “you’re scaring me.”

“I’m sorry, Princess,” the Honorary Britannian replied at once, his voice toneless.

Euphemia shook her head. “It’s ‘Euphy,’” she reminded him firmly. “And nothing is your fault. I know you tried your best.”

Suzaku hung his head. “I just…”

“You saved my sister,” Euphy reminded him. When he didn’t respond, she said again, more insistently, “Cornelia is alive because of you!” She clasped her hands together and stepped forward again, right into Suzaku’s personal space. “I can’t thank you enough, Suzaku. I couldn’t…go through losing more of my family.” A couple tears slipped down her cheeks, and she tilted her face up towards the shaken pilot. Her nose brushed his, and her eyes pierced his from less than two inches away. “Suzaku…”

It was enough to clear the haze in Suzaku’s vision. Blushing at her closeness, he lurched backwards. His arms instinctively shot out to catch himself on either side of the Lancelot’s open cockpit, and he found himself crouching precariously in the doorway. “P-princess…Sub-Viceroy…”

“It’s Euphy,” she instructed him again, leaning over his fallen form so her pink hair tickled his cheeks. She stared at him hard for a moment before giggling, eyes brightening. “I knew you still had some life in you!”

Suzaku blinked, green eyes stretching. His cheeks still felt hot. His breathing increased as he noticed her bent over him, cornering him in his awkward stance. Mind racing, he thought about how he should get out of this one. He couldn’t push himself out of the doorway or he’d bump right into her, and Suzaku was a gentleman who did not knock into well-meaning princesses.  One silver lining was that this new problem pushed his recent mental breakdown to the back of his mind. “Euphy,” he said in a low voice, swallowing thickly, unsure how to continue but positive he’d made the right start by using her name as requested.

Euphy smiled and leaned closer, making him retreat completely into the cockpit. She frowned at his obvious withdrawal, asking, “What’s wrong, Suzaku?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Suzaku said hurriedly. He swallowed again and stared up at her hovering frame, paying special attention to her expression. He recognized it the longer he stared. _That’s how Lelouch looks at me_. He gasped, mind whirling. Lelouch! Was it wishful thinking, or had he really seen his prince—naked at that—in the midst of his delusion? He could hardly separate fantasy from reality at the moment.

Determination swept across the princess’s pretty face, and she all but followed the pilot into his cockpit. “Don’t lie to me, Suzaku,” she pleaded.

Suzaku choked on air and pressed himself flat against the opposite wall from the door. _You’re so bold, Euphy. You really do share his blood after all, don’t you?_ Thinking about his prince again caused a soft, almost lovesick expression to steal across his face. _Oh, Lelouch. What I wouldn’t give to be with you right now._ He wanted his boyfriend’s comfort more than anything. His heart pounded faster and he tilted his head back against the wall, eyelids fluttering as he tried to control his desire.

Euphy giggled again, clearly misreading his reactions. “Suzaku,” she said softly, reaching to place both hands on his shoulders. Her weight pressed on him. “Suzaku, please let me in.”

Green eyes blinking rapidly, Suzaku jerked back to the present and found himself in an even worse predicament. Mentally calling himself an idiot since Lelouch wasn’t here to do it for him, he gulped. “P-p-princess, Euphy, please—”

Expression yearning, Euphy pulled herself forward using her grip on Suzaku’s shoulders.

Already backed against the wall, Suzaku quickly turned his head so she caught his cheek. He held his breath as she basically fell the rest of the way into the cockpit and sprawled across his lap in the tight space. “Euphy!” he yelped, voice unnaturally high. How did things _keep_ going from bad to worse?

Her own cheeks a matching set of red now, Euphy readjusted herself but didn’t remove her body from his. Her legs jutted to either side of his hips as she basically straddled him, her tight sub-viceroy uniform hiked up. “I was just,” she tried to explain, blushing harder. “I mean, you said ‘please’…”

Completely flummoxed, Suzaku spit out the first words that came to mind: “We can’t do this.”

Euphy frowned, misunderstanding. “Don’t worry about my sister, Suzaku,” she placated. “She’ll come around. You’re a hero now. And besides, it’s my choice.”

But she wasn’t Suzaku’s. _I’m in love with your half-brother. Not you, not anybody else. Just Lelouch_. “I’m sorry, Euphy,” Suzaku croaked, and he was, but he had to get himself out of this situation. His hands fluttered to her hips nestled above hism and he started to gently push her off.

“Suzaku, please!” Euphy cried desperately and fought against his move, pushing her pelvis back even tighter against his. She was obviously trying to change his mind.

“Oh my!” Cecile yelled out of nowhere, quickly pulling back from the open cockpit and slinging an arm over her eyes. “I’ll just—come back later and—oh dear!” A heavy blush settled on her cheeks so that all three of them resembled tomatoes.

Sputtering, Euphy scrambled off the pilot and out of the Lancelot, tugging at her clothes. “I’m so sorry!” she gasped, refusing to look at anybody. “I thought…I mean…”

“Don’t apologize, Sub-Viceroy,” Cecile reassured her, still with an arm covering her eyes. “I promise to pretend I never saw. You don’t need to worry!”

Suzaku sighed and followed after the Third Princess a little more slowly. _Of course Miss Cecile had to come back now and get the wrong impression. That is my life_. He groaned, which probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do, considering the circumstances. _At least she saved me from Euphy_. He made a mental note to eat more of her awful cooking in gratitude.

Finally, Euphy gave him a sheepish but hopeful smile, her blush never fading. “Suzaku,” she said softly. “Think about what I said, okay? I’ll…I’ll come see how you’re doing in a little bit.”

Dumbfounded, Suzaku could do nothing but nod. “Yes, Your Highness,” he replied and snapped to attention.

Smile dropping at the title, Euphy sighed and left, shooting him longing glances over her shoulder from time to time until she was out the door.

“You can look now, Miss Cecile,” Suzaku said bitterly.

Cecile lowered her arm. “I’m so sorry to interrupt, Suzaku,” she said emphatically. “I understand how it is.”

“You really don’t,” Suzaku assured her with a grimace. But how could he explain without digging himself into a deeper hole?

Cecile put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Everything is going to be okay, Suzaku,” she said warmly. “Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to.”

Suzaku heaved a sigh. “I know.” _I’m meant to be with Lelouch_. _And I am_.

“Love always finds a way,” Cecile offered encouragingly, offering the wisdom of her years.

Suzaku snapped his head up and stuttered a, “Y-yeah.” He knew his superior was trying to help. He couldn’t fault her for her conclusion, especially considering what she believed she’d walked in on. Suzaku stiffened, remembering exactly what they had looked like. He knew Euphy was so innocent-minded that she probably didn’t understand the full extent of their rather compromising position, so it was up to him to do damage control. “It wasn’t like what you’re thinking,” he threw out awkwardly.

Cecile gave him a knowing look. “Of course it wasn’t, Suzaku,” she agreed sweetly, shooting him a playful wink.

Suzaku sighed even harder. Despite how divine he’d felt earlier, today was just _not_ his day.

-+-

Lelouch carefully bit back a sigh, trying not to be rude. Things just weren’t going his way today. His proud jubilation from his success at Narita was mostly faded. He was still pleased with his past victory, but it was time to focus forward. To be fair, Narita _had_ been an overwhelming success, accomplishing four major goals. First, he’d put to rest any doubts and proven himself to his inner circle of Black Knights by delivering them an impossible victory. Second, the defunct force of the Japan Liberation Front had been taken care of by the Britannian military. With them out of the picture, he had solidified Zero’s role as Japan’s best hope. Third, he’d wiped out a large portion of Cornelia’s best forces with his mudslide surprise. Fourth, due to the combination of the aforementioned reasons, the Kyoto Group was acknowledging him. All these were causes for celebration—if only he felt like celebrating, which he didn’t, with Suzaku gone.

School seemed to drag more than usual, and he missed Suzaku something terrible. Milly had lectured him about his duties as vice president; then she had sweetly offered to forgive him and give him a clean slate if he took care of an important stack of boring paperwork. Nunnally was sick with a fever, and Sayoko was busy. Now Shirley was putting him on the spot.

 “Concert tickets! If you want to, I was thinking we could go together!” Shirley stared at him pleadingly and shoved a blue ticket into his hand. Her olive-green eyes were sparkling with affection and excitement.

Blinking in bewilderment, Lelouch stared back and tried to think of what to say. It wasn’t often that he didn’t have words for a situation. Deciding to at least be polite, he offered an, “Uh…thank you.”

Shirley beamed at him and prattled, “I—I’ll be waiting! See you!” Blushing, she took off at a run, leaving Lelouch with one arm raised after her.

“Waiting? Hold on!” Lelouch shouted and followed for two steps before freezing. _What should I tell her?!_   He racked his brain. _I can’t tell her I’m in love with Suzaku. She’d fall apart!_ At the thought of his lover—now in every sense of the word—his heart clenched in his chest. _Oh, Suzaku. What I wouldn’t give to be with you right now_.

Suzaku had called him yesterday after his field trip inspection, lamenting that he was needed for manual labor and clean-up in Narita after what had happened. It was Tuesday afternoon now, making it several days since Lelouch had seen his lover. They’d gone that long without seeing each other before, but the yearning seemed more intense after losing their virginities to each other and not being together since. Something in his chest felt a little hollow, and Lelouch allowed himself a couple moments to curse his actions as Zero because they were consequently keeping Suzaku from his side.

Lelouch missed his boyfriend, dammit.

Shirley’s attentions only made him crave Suzaku more.

With a forlorn sigh, Lelouch stared at the innocent-looking concert ticket. He did love classical music. His cheeks colored as he remembered Mozart playing in the background the first time Suzaku went down on him. That had felt more magical than Geass. He shuddered, his hand gripping the concert ticket tighter. _I need to take care of Shirley_ , he thought. He looked down and amended, _As soon as I take care of myself_.

-+-

“Suzaku, how are you feeling? Are you taking care of yourself?”

Suzaku looked up. Lloyd and Cecile were putting a new energy filler in the Lancelot so he could dig more bodies out of the landslide, and he was rehydrating under a tent while they were busy. Princess Euphemia stood before him now, alone and determined. Suzaku cleared his throat, feeling more awkward than ever. Euphy had checked on him several times over the past few days and while he appreciated her concern, he was still scared that she had the wrong idea. Coughing, he answered—as always—“I’m fine.”

Euphemia frowned. “You say that every time,” she rebuked gently. “I’m worried about you.”

Closing his eyes, Suzaku shook his head. He really did appreciate her concern, but… “You don’t need to worry about me, Princess,” he promised. He heard her take a step closer, so he opened his eyes and stared back.

She flushed and gathered her dress in her hands. Out of nowhere, she squeaked, “I’m sorry!”

Suzaku tilted his head, confused. “Sorry, Princess?” he asked.

“I was out of line with my behavior earlier,” Euphy clarified, for once ignoring his usage of her title. Her face and voice were earnest. “I didn’t mean to put you in a weird position.”

Suzaku blinked and yet again remembered what had happened. Every time the memory replayed in his mind, he could feel embarrassment and shame twisting his insides into knots. He felt dirty, like he was cheating on Lelouch, even though he was as devoted to his prince as ever. He ducked his head and sputtered, “O-oh, that.”

“Yes,” Euphy said quickly. “I mean, it’s true that I don’t want you to…hold back. Especially due to invalid concerns. I shouldn’t have acted rashly, though, so I apologize.”

Suzaku’s mouth dropped open. “It’s—fine, Princess,” he said automatically, even though it wasn't.

“Euphy,” the pink-haired princess insisted. “It’s Euphy. And Suzaku, I can wait for someone like you, so when you’re ready…” She took another step forward and asked in a hopeful rush, “That is, you feel it too, right?”

 _She definitely still has the wrong idea_. Suzaku reddened at her question and swallowed. Somehow, despite his nearly empty water bottle, his mouth felt bone-dry. “Uh…”

A relieved smile broke out on Euphy’s face. “Oh, Suzaku.”

Clenching his hands by his sides, Suzaku opened and closed his mouth soundlessly as he stared at her. _Lelouch, what do I say? Please send me the words_.

“You _really_ don’t have to hold back,” Euphy said, noticing his shaking fists. She giggled. “I told you I _want_ you to kiss me, right?” With a gleam in her eye, she took another step closer and tilted her face up towards his. “As soon as you’re ready, Suzaku.” Her expression suddenly grew more serious and her voice dropped as she confessed, “I want to put the happiness back in your smile.”

All of Suzaku’s half-formed explanations faded from his mind. “Euphy,” he said, voice full of wonder despite himself. _Why do so many good people care about me when I don’t deserve it?_ he marveled inwardly. _Lelouch, Nunnally, Euphy, Rivalz and the others on the Student Council, Cecile, even Lloyd…_ His father’s face flashed in his memory, and he took a few steps back. Cringing, he shared without thinking, “Thank you, but I’m not worth it.”

Euphy gasped and covered her mouth with both hands. “Suzaku!” Tears sprang to her eyes.

Suzaku choked as he realized what he’d let slip. “I—sorry, Princess. I didn’t mean…”

“Actually, I think that’s the first truthful thing you’ve said in days,” Euphemia discerned sadly. “It breaks my heart, Suzaku, because you’re such a wonderful person. I wish you could see it.”

Hanging his head, Suzaku mumbled, “I know what I am, Princess. Please don’t trouble yourself over me.”

“This is worse than I thought,” Euphy realized. “Suzaku, what changed?” They’d become decent friends ever since that day she’d fallen out of her window and landed in his arms. He’d gotten to know the real Euphy during their tour of Area 11, and he remembered her true self throughout all of their professional interactions afterwards. The Sub-Viceroy had visited the Special Corp university facility several times to check on the Knightmare research and progress, and they’d sometimes run into each other during minor operations against Zero and the Black Knights. She knew him well enough by now to figure that something had gone seriously wrong. “What…what happened a few days ago? Please tell me!”

Suzaku winced. _That’s something else I can’t explain_. He shook his head. “I can’t,” he rasped.

Sensing she was pushing him too far, Euphy stepped back. “I want to help,” she said with a pout. “I can’t stand seeing you so broken inside, Suzaku,” she whispered with a stricken expression. Her own hands fisted in front of her heart and she declared, eyes burning bright, “I’m going to do everything I can for you.”

Sighing, Suzaku only nodded. _You are definitely related to Lelouch and Nunnally_. Licking his lips, he murmured, “Thank you, Princess. You are too kind.”

The pink-haired royal gave him her customary gentle frown and reminded him, “It’s Euphy.”

-+-

“Ah-ahhh, Suzaku, ah-ohhh…” Lelouch moaned, his legs falling apart as he pumped himself. “Mmm, yes, more—oh Su- _zaku_!” His head fell back over the edge of his desk chair and he thrust his straining cock up harder into the tunnel of his hand. His bare ass lifted off the seat with every move, and his uniform pants and underwear pooled limply by his ankles. “O-oh, Suzaku, oh fuck, _oh fuck_ , god, Suzaku, Suzaku—!”

Breathless, he used his free hand to blindly feel for the pre-lubed plug he’d left on his desk. His fingers finally closed around the ridged sex toy and he scrambled to his knees on the chair, bending himself over the desk and reaching behind to impatiently slide the plug up his back tunnel. His stretched ass swallowed it greedily and Lelouch hammered himself harder, sweating crazily and shouting louder, “Oh fuck, _Suzaku_ , shit, don’t stop, my god…” His voice pitched to a whine as he worked himself with both hands, front and back simultaneously. After all his practice on himself and with Suzaku, he understood _exactly_ why other boys had always touched themselves. He’d been a late bloomer, but he was making up for lost time.

That same Mozart track from their first oral experience played next to him on repeat. Blood heating, he stopped stroking himself to grab one of Suzaku’s school uniforms left there for ‘emergency sleepovers’ and pressed it to his face, breathing deeply. His lover’s lingering scent overwhelmed him, and he soon felt his balls lift. Still panting heavily, he screamed, “Ah, SUUUZAAAAAHHHH!” and caught his ropy strings of come with Suzaku’s jacket.

Sweating, he collapsed onto his desk and let his eyes slip closed. It made it easier to pretend that his boyfriend was there but just out of arm’s reach. His heart ached. _Suzaku, come home. I miss you_. Sluggishly, he tugged the sex toy out and dropped it on the desk beside him before turning and slipping back into his chair. Because he was alone in his room, he gathered Suzaku’s come-stained uniform to his chest and hugged it tight, bending his head low over his lover’s crumpled clothing.

“I don’t know whether that’s more sweet or pathetic.”

Lelouch’s head snapped up, eyes narrowed to slits. “C.C.! What the hell are you doing here, you witch?! When did you even—it doesn’t matter! Get out!” He hastily covered his flaccid penis with the jacket.

C.C. blinked impassively. “I’ve lived for centuries,” she said, idly twirling a lock of green hair around her finger. “I’ve seen dicks before.”

“My god, I don’t care! Get. Out.”

Shrugging nonchalantly, C.C. meandered out the door.

As soon as Lelouch had cleaned himself up properly and changed clothes, he poked his head out of his room and demanded again, “What are you doing here?”

“You wanted my help with the Kyoto Group, remember?” C.C. asked blandly.

Lelouch massaged his forehead and growled, “I didn’t mean for you to come back to Ashford. But since you’re here, get in before Sayoko sees you.” He stood aside to let her pass, glaring at her all the while.

C.C. walked past him, lifted an eyebrow at the slicked anal plug forgotten on the desk, and made a beeline for his bed. “How are things going with Su- _zaaaaAAAHHHhhhh_ -ku?” she asked, imitating him with a wicked gleam in her golden eyes.

Blushing heavily, Lelouch snapped, “That’s none of your business!”

“And here I thought you’d be more gracious to me since I saved your life at Narita,” C.C. mused. “Guess I was wrong. Your head is just as swollen as ever.”

Lelouch’s glare deepened. _At least she’s not making some crude reference to something **else** of mine that was swollen._ Shaking his head, he bit out, “I already thanked you for saving me from that white Knightmare. Besides, Suzaku has nothing to do with that.”

C.C. only looked at him carefully and blinked.

“Stop sticking your nose in my love life!” Lelouch hissed after a minute of uncomfortable silence.

Holding up the concert ticket that was resting on the pillow, C.C. changed the subject. “What’s this?”

Looking to the side, Lelouch grumbled, “What does it look like? It’s a concert ticket.”

“Taking your lover boy on a date?” C.C. wondered. “I didn’t think he’d be free of the _military_ so soon after your stunt. You do remember he’s an Honorary Britannian soldier, right?”

Lelouch fisted his hands at his sides. “Of course I do!” He sighed and plopped down in his cleaned chair. “We fight about it all the time,” he admitted with a shake of his head. _Ugh. I can’t believe I’m sharing this._ He’d somehow found himself telling her lots of things, almost like she was a true confidante. “But there’s no changing his mind. I love him, so I just have to put up with it.”

“No matter what?” C.C. pressed ominously.

Raising an eyebrow, Lelouch questioned, “What do you mean?”

C.C. sighed, “Never mind.” She rolled over and stared at the ceiling. “So who’s the concert ticket for really? It can’t be for your boy toy.”

Lelouch groaned and leaned back in his chair. “For me,” he said. _Damn the witch’s persistence_. “From Shirley.”

“Oh, that girl who loves you,” C.C. remembered. “You’re cheating on your soldier boy after all that?”

“Of _course_ not!” Lelouch roared. The nerve…! He took a couple deep breaths, but they didn’t help this time. “I’d _never_ do that to Suzaku!”

Snorting, C.C. stretched on the bed. “My, my. So defensive,” she noted. “I told you that your love life doesn’t concern me. I’m here to help you with your reason for living so that you can grant my wish later. And no, I’m not ready to tell you what it is.” She turned to stare at him and said, “ _You_ tell _me_ what you need my help with tomorrow.”

Getting himself under control, Lelouch scowled at his accomplice. “When I meet with Kyoto’s Clan Chief, Taizo Kirihara…”

-+-

Suzaku stared at Cecile, Lloyd, and Euphy with wide, deranged eyes. “Excuse me?” he asked, failing to get himself under control.

Lloyd cleared his throat, undoubtedly fine being the bearer of bad news. “Based on your unstable mental state, particularly concerning your little episode during the Narita battle and some other—ahem—recent observations about your behavior and feelings, we’ve all agreed that you would benefit from receiving mental health services.” He clucked his tongue and added, “I can’t have my Lancelot going berserk again, you see.”

 _This isn’t happening. They can’t make me—!_ Suzaku gaped at his superiors-slash-friends with blatant disbelief. “Please no,” he said, his voice coming out a strangled whisper. _I don’t want a shrink digging in my head. I can’t let anyone know about my father!_

“Sorry, Suzaku,” Lloyd said—his voice not sorry at all—and added exuberantly, “It was all the _lovely_ Princess Euphemia’s idea!”

The mentioned princess shuffled backwards and looked to the ground. Cecile placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder before obviously thinking better of it.

Suzaku pursed his lips but nodded. He felt the pressure caving in. “Then I don’t have a choice,” he said stiffly. “I’ll follow my orders.”

“That’s a good boy,” Lloyd remarked insultingly. “You’ll get a thorough mental health screening at first and then they’ll straighten you out with some good old-fashioned therapy!”

Wincing, Suzaku took a step back. “I don’t want to be straightened,” he mumbled petulantly. A part of him inside couldn’t help but laugh, but the humor lasted only a couple seconds before getting sucked into the depressing void encasing his heart. Only thoughts of Lelouch managed to last any significant length of time outside the growing internal darkness, and even then…

Euphy looked at him oddly, and Cecile put forth, “Suzaku, please let us do what’s best for you. We just want to see you happy.”

 _Then let me see Lelouch. He’s the only one who can save me_. Silently nodding, Suzaku gave them each one vapid look before retreating to his tent for the night. They let him go, seeming to understand that he needed time to himself. Sometimes being the only Eleven around had its perks; since no one on his level wanted to share a tent, he had total privacy. Holding back tears, he pressed his face into his pillow. He felt as cold and lifeless as the corpses he’d pulled from the mud for days on end.

Sighing, he tossed and turned. He shuffled on his uncomfortable mat and finally took his pillow and hugged it to his chest. Closing his eyes, he curled into a fetal position around it. He was exhausted in every capacity but he couldn’t sleep. _I need to tire myself out_ , he reasoned. Working himself to the bone digging bodies from the ground wasn’t doing it. Keeping his mental defenses up against others wasn’t doing it. (Apparently, he hadn’t done a convincing enough job of that anyway.) Desperate for some sort of release from all the despair building up inside, he hugged his pillow tighter and thought of Lelouch.

His heart felt a little warmer.

Suzaku smiled softly, imagining how his prince would spoon him from behind. Lying with Lelouch would make even the most uncomfortable of sleeping places feel like heaven. Suzaku sighed, feeling himself relax a little as he started to fantasize. Lelouch would wrap his arms around him snugly and press kisses into the back of his neck. His hand would slip under Suzaku’s shirt and rub his skin, softly at first—then harder. Suzaku let out a throaty moan. Lelouch would rub up and down his chest, tracing his muscles from memory. His long fingers would pinch Suzaku’s nipples, so hard already and begging for his touch. Suzaku moaned louder and rolled over, thrusting against his pillow.

“Slow down, Suzaku,” Lelouch would drone into his ear. “Let me take my time with you.”

Suzaku gasped for breath. Sweat rolling down his forehead, he desperately undid his zipper and jammed his hand down his flightsuit. His fingers curled around his pulsing cock. “O- _oh_!” he groaned, feeling a zing of pleasure push back the vacuum. He started to stroke himself, staring unseeingly down at his mat.

Lelouch would pump him maddeningly slow, teasing him to the brink before pulling back with that wicked smirk Suzaku loved to taste. His other hand would continue tormenting Suzaku’s nipples. “Ah, please!” Suzaku moaned aloud. His hips started rocking back and forth into his hand. His thumb rubbed the head of his cock as Lelouch’s face flashed in his mind. His prince would suck on the juncture of Suzaku’s neck and shoulder while his hands were busy. Somewhere in the middle of this fantasy, both of their clothes had disappeared. Lelouch would thrust his hardness against the cleft of Suzaku’s ass, and Suzaku would spread his legs and _beg_ for it—

“Oh—oh—OHHHH!! IKU!!” Suzaku’s hips snapped forward and suddenly he was coming all over his pillow and bedroll.

Breathing heavily, he came back down from his high. He looked around his isolated tent. There were no proud and loving violet eyes staring into his. There were no strong arms holding him tight. There was no warm body pressed intimately against his to keep him grounded while he slept.

Instead of feeling satisfied, Suzaku felt emptier than ever.

-+-

Blearily stumbling from his tent after a night of no sleep, Suzaku bumped into Cecile. She cast one look at his face and blushed heavily, fumbling with her breakfast. Confused, Suzaku blinked and reached for a scone.

“Wash your hands!” Cecile ordered shrilly, the tips of her ears still red.

-+-

Shirley’s cheeks were pink as she stole glances at him from across the classroom.

As soon as the bell rang, Lelouch approached her desk. She stared up at him with glowing eyes and clasped her hands together in her lap. “Oh! H-hi, Lelou,” she greeted him. “Are you excited for our date tonight?” She sounded hopeful.

Somehow, Lelouch felt like kicking himself for rejecting her. She was his friend, and he didn’t want to make her unhappy. Still, it was for the best. While he admired her bravery and appreciated her feelings, he couldn’t lead her on. _Shirley,_ _I can’t do this. You’re not Suzaku_. His heart twisted with longing for his boyfriend. Cuddling Arthur at night helped a tiny bit, but the cat was no substitute for his owner. No one was.

Lelouch wanted _Suzaku_ , who always went out of his way to make him happy, who could read his moods like no one else and respond appropriately nine times out of ten, who reminded Lelouch that there was hope left in the world just with his stunning green eyes and striking smile. The prince wanted _Suzaku_ , who always worried about Lelouch’s well-being but still respected his secrets and distance, who treated Nunnally like the royalty she deserved to be regarded as, who served as inspiration by succeeding against all odds in an unjust society. Lelouch wanted _Suzaku_ , who loved him and made him happier than he could ever remember being in his entire life.

Clearing his throat, wrestling his pining under control, the Britannian heartthrob said lightly, “I’m sorry, Shirley.” He held out the concert ticket. Seeing her eyes begin to fill with tears, he added gently but briskly, “Something’s come up.”

Shirley nodded and gingerly took the ticket back. “O-oh, that’s fine, Lelou!” Her face pinched bravely. “I understand.”

Lelouch nodded and carefully kept himself from fidgeting. He hated this. It wasn’t Shirley’s fault, and it wasn’t like she knew he was in love with his best friend. His arms ached for Suzaku.

He wondered whether he or Shirley felt more miserable at the moment.

-+-

“I didn’t mean to make you more miserable, Suzaku,” Euphemia apologized. She carefully sat next to him on the hill, completely ignoring the dust and dirt now staining her regal Sub-Viceroy outfit. “I just want to get you the help you need.”

Inclining his head, Suzaku replied, “I understand. I’m grateful.” He sighed. The sun was out, but everything looked gray to him. The colors and sounds seemed muted.

Euphemia shook her head. “No, you’re not,” she said simply. “I could see it on your face yesterday.”

Suzaku winced.

Sighing, Euphy offered in a clear attempt to connect, “I’ve fallen into despair, too. I know you might think I wouldn’t, being an imperial princess, but there have been some dark times in my life that I didn’t know how to handle.” She smiled sadly when the pilot turned to look at her and she continued, “I told you the other day how grateful I was that you saved Cornelia. You know I’ve lost my brother Clovis, but the truth is, I lost my two favorite siblings seven years ago.”

Suzaku’s eyes widened. _She means Lelouch and Nunnally_. This was dangerous territory.

Breath hitching, Euphy nodded. “My half brother and half sister, the closest to my age and the ones I played with all the time.”

“Lelouch and Nunnally,” whispered Suzaku automatically.

Euphy’s eyes snapped to his. “You know about them?” she gasped.

Slowly, Suzaku nodded. Turning away, he looked up at the clouds and offered, “They came to live at my family’s shrine before the war. We were friends.” _That’s not giving anything away_.

Tears welled up in Euphemia’s eyes. “Then you know how wonderful they were,” she said mournfully with a sniffle. “I was so devastated when they died…” She gathered her knees to her chest and hugged them tight, a picture of pure sadness.

Suzaku internally winced again, hating that he had to lie to a sister still so heartbroken. Clearing his throat, trying to give her _something_ , he admitted, “You know, when I was little, I hated Britannians.” Sensing Euphy’s questioning eyes on him, he added, “Meeting Lelouch and Nunnally showed me how wrong I was. If it wasn’t for them, I never would have made the important life choices I did…”

Smiling through her tears, Euphemia reflected, “They certainly had a hold on people.”

“Yeah,” Suzaku agreed carefully. “They definitely changed my life.”

“I’m glad,” Euphy said. Seeming to gather her courage, she asked quickly, “If you don’t mind, Suzaku, would you please tell me what they were like—towards the end?”

Shifting, Suzaku looked down and tore at some dried grass. _What should I say?_ At last he mumbled, “Nunnally was sweet as ever. She was kind and loving. She had a heart of gold and she never let her disabilities get in her way.” Euphemia leaned forward, soaking in every word; she didn’t even blink. Suzaku hesitated and stopped pulling the grass before adding, “Lelouch had a heart of gold, too, though he tried to hide it more.”

Euphy giggled. “That sounds like Lelouch,” she said fondly. Her voice was thick.

Suzaku smiled gently and went into detail. “He did everything he could to take care of Nunnally. He learned how to cook and clean and do their own laundry. He went into town every day to buy their own food, even though the Japanese merchants there weren’t always the nicest to him.” _That’s an understatement_ , Suzaku reflected, remembering when he’d come across the Britannian prince being physically assaulted in the streets for his heritage. The pale foreigner had just curled up and weakly taken the abuse with a blank face. That was the day Suzaku had started to look at Lelouch a little differently and actually wonder about him as a person.

Looking at the torn land, Euphy smiled sadly. “Lelouch was always so smart,” she remarked. “He could do anything.”

“Yeah.” Suzaku swallowed. Talking about Lelouch was therapeutic for both of them. Thinking about his prince temporarily pushed back the numbness and sadness threatening to consume him entirely. Closing his eyes, the soldier leaned back and felt a light breeze tugging at his flightsuit. He felt so, so tired. He never wanted to get up; facing the world felt like too much effort. Extracting thousands of bodies from the mud reminded him how pointless everything was.

“Sometimes I wonder,” Euphy said after a slight hesitation, “sometimes I wonder what Lelouch would think of everything that’s happened. What he’d feel. What he’d do about it.”

Suzaku’s eyes snapped open. That had sounded…

Euphy had an odd look on her face. Upon noticing his stare, the princess forced a giggle and chirped, “Oh, don’t mind me, Suzaku. Just thinking out loud. I’ll let you rest before you get back to work, okay? I’m sorry again if I overstepped before—concerning lots of things.” She stopped and took a deep breath before tacking on, “And, truly, thank you for sharing about Lelouch and Nunnally. You have no idea how much that means to me." 

Suzaku nodded lightly, letting his eyes slip shut again. “Of course, Prin—Euphy.” He’d been talking to the girl, not the princess. “Anytime.” She probably smiled at him in response, but he couldn’t muster up the energy to open his eyes and check. He heard her scramble to her feet and take off, presumably to return to her own duties of helping to direct recovery operations. Suzaku sighed heavily. He was so tired, he just wanted to sink into the ground like all the other soldiers.

Everything to do with the mudslide crushed his soul.

-+-

“And you believe you can do it—that you can crush Britannia?” Kirihara demanded, pointing his cane at Zero from behind the gauzy sheet protecting his face.

Zero inclined his masked head. “Indeed. I can because I must. I have reasons which compel me inexorably.” _For Nunnally, for Suzaku, for the Japanese people, and for all the oppressed who have suffered under my father’s heel_. Bracing himself, he lifted a hand to reveal his identity. Ohgi, Kallen, and Tamaki couldn’t see his face from their vantage point across the room, especially with a Knightmare strategically placed to block their view; the Kyoto chief’s underlings he could take care of through Geass. Looking at Kirihara, Lelouch added, “I’m glad I’m dealing with you.”

The elderly Japanese double-agent gasped, his eyes widening. “You…”

“It’s been a long time, Lord Kirihara,” Lelouch said, his voice almost warm. They reminisced briefly about how their paths had crossed at the Kururugi Shrine, back when the royal vi Britannia siblings had been dropped on the Japanese prime minister’s doorstep as political hostages, talking softly around the subject so the others listening in couldn’t understand the details. Normally Lelouch didn’t like to dwell on the past—he’d rather look to the future—but sometimes it paid off. Like now, and like with Suzaku.

In the back of his mind, Lelouch couldn’t help the stray thoughts: _What would you say if you knew about Suzaku and me? Would you support us, like you support Zero?_

The leader of the Black Knights didn’t get into that, though, focusing only on securing his alliance with the Kyoto Group. With their overall extra support for his rebellion—including funding, weapons and other assets, and strategic intelligence—he could move his plans forward to the next stage.  And Zero knew exactly what he’d use those resources for first.

He clenched a gloved hand, remembering the irritating white Knightmare that kept getting in his way. It had appeared in Shinjuku, at Lake Kawaguchi, at a few of his minor raids, and at Narita. It was a nuisance, and at this point it had to be taken care of before it developed into a worse problem. He’d already crafted most of his plan—anticipating Kyoto’s cooperation—and he would be ready to move as soon as some transport carriers could be smuggled in. He worked quickly, especially without Suzaku there to distract him.

After taking care of the white Knightmare, he could focus on recruiting Tohdoh and his Four Holy Swords into the Black Knights. They alone out of the Japan Liberation Front were useful chess pieces for his cause. He also had to verify Diethard Reid’s intentions, who despite being Britannian himself had found a way to slip discrete information to the Black Knights. Without him, Zero’s victory at Narita wouldn’t have been possible. And of course, he still had to pin down Cornelia and ask her about his mother’s murder…

Kirihara interrupted his racing thoughts. “What do you plan to tackle first on your path of blood, Zero?”

Lelouch smirked before slipping his mask back on. His voice echoed from behind it as he answered for everyone to hear, “I have some ideas.”

-+-

“I can’t hear you, Suzaku. Speak up,” Cecile rebuked gently.

Suzaku sighed but lifted his head and repeated himself a little louder: “I want to go back to school.” _I can’t take this anymore. I’m dying inside. I need Lelouch or I’m going to break down again_. Suzaku knew it wasn’t healthy that all his hopes and dreams of happiness were wrapped up in one person, but he couldn’t help himself. That’s just the way it was now, for better or for worse. His hands were trembling as he beseeched his superiors, “Even just for one night. Please!”

Cecile and Lloyd shared an indiscernible look.

“I suppose we can spare you for the weekend,” Cecile allowed doubtfully, “but are you sure you want to go back to Ashford now, after everything that’s happened?”

Suzaku nodded his head firmly. _I know who I need_.

Lloyd pursed his lips for a second but didn’t protest. “I guess all the bodies _have_ been recovered,” he said. He paused and grinned gleefully. “Mostly thanks to Lancelot, might I add!”

Cecile groaned. Turning to the pilot, she continued as if their boss didn’t exist, “Maybe you’re right, Suzaku. Seeing your friends again might be just what you need. I just don’t want you pushing yourself to get back to normal if you’re not up for it.”

Slumping a little, Suzaku nodded despondently. “That’s not it,” he mumbled. He didn’t care if they believed him. _I just want Lelouch. Please let me go now_. The air felt heavy around him.

With a soft smile, Cecile squeezed his shoulder and pressed a plate of homemade muffins into his hands. How had she even cooked those deep in the mountains? “We’ll see you soon then, Suzaku,” she said. “We’ll tell Princess Euphemia where you’ve gone if she comes asking for you.”

Lloyd mimed dumping the muffins in the trashcan, but even their shared pain over Cecile’s awful cooking couldn’t bring a smile to Suzaku’s lips.

“Thank you,” Suzaku sighed. Without a backwards glance, he started towards his lover.

Lelouch was waiting.


	14. Buildup to a Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suzaku's psychological problems impact his and Lelouch's relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented, left kudos, started following my Tumblr, etc.
> 
> Thanks especially to Milka121 and Kurainosousuke for looking over this chapter prior to posting.
> 
> Shout-out line: "smack justice across those bastards’ faces" dedicated to Sugarby.
> 
> Shout-out line: "Lelouch would Geass Jupiter" dedicated to ChibisUnleashed.
> 
> My apologies for the length of wait time between updates now. Revising has made my original Chapter 14 too long, so I had to split it into two parts. Here's the first half.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, VIOLENCE, AND OFFENSIVE SLURS AND LANGUAGE. This material is actually not the happy-happy relationship stuff, but we are getting really close to the Blackmail Gone Wrong timeline now, so...uh, time to transition the mood. And show a deeper part to the SuzaLulu dynamic. And how Code Geass plot stuff fits together.
> 
> Concerning comments: [click here](http://neodiji.tumblr.com/fanfic)

“Thought you’d died off, you _fuckin’_ _Eleven_!”

The verbal shrapnel crackled across the Ashford Academy front lawn with the deadly force of a Chaos Mine, alerting Lelouch to Suzaku’s sudden reappearance. Without thinking, Lelouch sprinted down the colonnade towards the commotion; he was gasping for breath from the rare physical exertion, but that was okay because more than air he needed— _Suzaku_. Once his eyes frantically found his boyfriend, he had to do a double-take to ensure he wasn’t imagining things after a long, lonely week apart. Disappointment churned in Lelouch’s stomach when his first deduction proved correct, and hot fury coiled in his gut as Synclair Worth and his lackeys caged Suzaku in a circle and relentlessly smacked him around.

“What a shame,” sneered Cameron Remington, kicking Suzaku in the stomach towards Anthony Bristol.

Ready and waiting for his turn, Anthony slammed Suzaku’s head with a bent elbow and sent the Japanese soldier staggering over to the lead bully. Lips curling wickedly, Anthony bemoaned, “It’s been so great without you around, you worthless piece of shit.”

Synclair Worth stepped up with a malicious grin, eyes shining with savage glee as he knocked Suzaku to his knees and jeered, “Guess we’ll have to remind you of your place, little fucker!” He pounded a fist into an open palm before redirecting his attention to Suzaku’s shoulder, sending his victim sprawling on the lawn. 

Rage growing and twisting as Suzaku simply let it happen, Lelouch curled both his own hands into shaking fists. He paused to take quick note of the details, inwardly thankful for his recent experience as Zero since it had improved his skill at reading situations and devising plans on-the-fly; the practice was good to fall back on, as it was harder to think clearly when someone he loved was on the line. _Suzaku looks more defeated than usual, even from this distance_ , Lelouch discerned as he watched his boyfriend’s resigned, brave face throughout the escalating bully encounter. The observation both frightened and angered Lelouch further, sparking a battle of ice and fire in his chest.

Around them, other students gave the group a wide berth but otherwise gave no outward notice of the bullying. Farrell Fox looked on delightedly from the open science lab window, yelling encouragement. His girlfriend Jessica looked neutral beside him, and next to her, Chloe Beck looked upset; however, she never protested the treatment, and Worth and his friends continued to up their antics. Lelouch’s eye twitched as he plotted to interfere and ultimately smack justice across those bastards’ faces.

“Hey, Lamperouge!”

Lelouch whirled around to glare at Corbin Dixon. “I’m busy,” he growled with another indignant glance towards where Suzaku had his hands full… _not_ struggling with his tormentors. _Shit_. _What is wrong with my boyfriend?!_

Corbin fell into step beside Lelouch and followed his gaze, wiping black bangs out of azure eyes to better see the spectacle. “Huh,” he said dryly. “Looks like the Eleven is having fun today.”

“You call that fun?!” Lelouch snapped back.

Corbin laughed and corrected himself, “Fun for me.”

Lelouch scowled in answer and flicked his burning eyes towards Synclair Worth and his gang, who were taking turns kicking Suzaku while he was down. Every second of abuse sapped a little more light from Suzaku’s eyes, pressed on his shoulders; the very sight made Lelouch want to collapse a mountain on top of the tormentors, see how _they_ liked being crushed. He might even still have an extra electrode to pull it off; he’d put Ohgi on that pronto. No one messed with his boyfriend like this and got away with it—

Looking over at the beat-down, Corbin shrugged and said matter-of-factly, “You know, it’s not a crime to kick trash.”

Lelouch’s eyes narrowed. “So by your definition, I can kick you,” he said immediately, voice scathing. He loved when his opponents left such obvious openings to exploit, though at the same time he was annoyed that it was so insultingly easy. The bullies never seemed to change their game—only intensify their attacks.

Raising an eyebrow, Corbin lightly challenged, “You can try, Lamperouge.”

“I’ll do better than ‘try,’” Lelouch promised, shoulders shaking as they finally reached the scuffling mass of boys. “So watch your step, Dixon.”

“Maybe you should watch yours,” Corbin returned. Then, without warning, he yanked Lelouch to the left—just in time to save him from being hit with the backlash of Anthony Bristol’s latest strike against Suzaku. A triumphant grin tugged at one corner of Corbin’s lips, and he chirped innocently, “Told you.”

Breathing heavily, Lelouch shook Corbin off and purposefully stepped into the middle of the one-sided fight. He ducked and dodged flying fists, getting knocked around a bit regardless but nowhere near to the point of actually getting hurt; it was Suzaku who suffered the brunt of their attack, huddled in a fetal position on the ground as relentless blows rained down on him. “Stop it!” Lelouch ordered, aghast, his voice ringing with the authority he wielded as Zero.

Synclair Worth and his underlings were nowhere near as smart or honorable as his Black Knights, proven when they ignored his command and worked around his protective efforts to keep beating the snot out of Suzaku. Their assault lasted ten more seconds before Corbin intervened with a soft but powerful, “Guys.”

Anthony Bristol was the first to break away, glancing at Corbin uncertainly.

“Dixon’s right,” Synclair admitted with a forlorn sigh, waving Cameron off their Eleven victim as he himself stepped back. “We don’t want Lelouch Lamperouge getting hurt in all this.”

Corbin nodded his agreement. “Definitely not,” he said. “Lamperouge is a Britannian, even if he’s forgotten that.”

Lelouch glared at all of them before his attention was jerked downwards, to where Suzaku was coughing and rolling himself over onto his hands and knees. “Are you okay?” Lelouch demanded hotly as Suzaku scrambled awkwardly to his feet, refusing to meet anyone’s eyes. “Suzaku?”

“The bitch will be fine,” Corbin cut in flippantly, glowering at Suzaku. “Damn, Lamperouge, you sure get attached to your pets, don’t you? Thought you were smarter than that.”

At those words, Suzaku’s head shot up and swiveled to Lelouch like a magnet. “Le—Lelouch,” he said roughly, wiping away a thin line of blood streaming from the corner of his mouth. “Y—you’re here…”

Azure eyes rolled as Corbin stepped into Suzaku’s personal space—which put him in Lelouch’s bubble, too. “He’s _been_ here, you stupid little fucker.”

In the background, Synclair and Anthony gave each other a high-five at Corbin’s derogatory insult, cheering him on.

“I didn’t—notice,” Suzaku said lowly, turning his face down to the bent grass. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Lelouch hastened to assure him. “You were…kinda busy.” **_Letting_** _yourself get beat-up._ Confusion, fear, and anger churned together in his intestines at the remembrance.

Synclair snorted. “Doesn’t matter,” he said snippily. “The Eleven’s got a _lot_ to apologize for,” he barreled on, with his usual cronies plus Corbin all nodding their support.

Lelouch’s fingers curled into tighter fists and he moved defensively in front of Suzaku, trying to at least shield his secret boyfriend from their harsh words, if nothing else. “Suzaku has nothing to apologize for, unlike you,” he snarled. “How dare you—”

“Watch your pretty little mouth, Lamperouge,” Corbin interrupted abruptly, his eyes glinting with unveiled malice. “I don’t want to hear you defending that dirty Eleven.”

Raising an eyebrow, Lelouch shot back, “I really don’t care what you _want_ , Dixon.”

Corbin stiffened and spat, “You should care what I want, Lamperouge. You _really_ should, if you know what’s good for you.”

“I’m not scared of you,” Lelouch scoffed, crossing his arms at the same moment Suzaku flung himself forward to reverse their positions, crouching defensively in front of Lelouch. The look in his green eyes had hardened, but it was the brittle kind of hard that would shatter if touched.

“Impressive,” Corbin said with a feigned yawn. “You trained your Eleven beast into a guard dog. Well done, Lamperouge.” His voice dripping with mockery, he added, “Those savages are hard to control.”

Lelouch bit back a growl and took a step forward with each hissed word: “Do. Not. Insult. Suzaku.”

Corbin glanced at the other Britannian boys with an amused snort; Anthony shrugged. Synclair nodded with his chin towards Suzaku, showing his teeth. The atmosphere grew taut as both sides sized each other up, silently deciding on a course of action. Anything could go down at this point—

“Oh, Suzaku’s here!” All the schoolboys’ heads turned as Shirley ran up out of nowhere and gave the transfer student a friendly hug, diffusing the mounting tension. “I’m so glad you could make it, Suzaku!” she chattered. She swirled around to look at Lelouch, offering him a shy smile. A light blush graced her cheeks. “H-hi there, Lelou! You’re coming to the Council meeting today, right?”

Lelouch blinked and forced his fists to relax. While he’d dragged himself to the Council meetings all week (trying to distract himself from his sudden surplus of “free time” caused by Suzaku’s absence), he’d much rather reconnect now with his boyfriend in private. But then— His eyes moved past Shirley to Suzaku before he nodded, coming to a decision. “Of course.” _Suzaku will feel duty-bound to go, and I need to look after him. He’s barely holding it together_. If Suzaku would honor Student Council commitments (because that’s just who he was, and Lelouch had long since accepted Suzaku’s sometimes-annoying and always-predictable sense of responsibility), then Lelouch swore to be with him every second. No question.

Corbin snorted, glancing at Shirley for a brief second with something like pity and understanding. He gave Suzaku a cold look before turning on his heel, offering Anthony a grim smile. Without another word, he sauntered off. Both Suzaku and Lelouch gazed after him with apprehension, moving closer together for solidarity.

“What’s going on?” Shirley asked, eyes wide as she looked nervously from one boy to the other.

Suzaku and Lelouch exchanged glances, saying a million things without words.

Synclair Worth chuckled darkly, looking at Shirley with a raised eyebrow. “Nothing you need to worry about, Lady Fenette. We’re just doing our chivalrous duty to make sure the fuck—excuse me, _freak_ ing Eleven—” (It seemed even Synclair Worth had his limits.) “—shows some proper respect for his Britannian betters.”

Shirley gasped at his offensive answer, and Lelouch shot forward, finally pushed past his boundary. He pulled his arm back for a punch—before Suzaku yanked him back with a quiet and sullen, “It’s not worth it, Lelouch.”

Synclair raised his eyebrow even higher. “Wow,” he drawled. “Lelouch Lamperouge using his fists? Never thought I’d see the day.” Anthony and Cameron laughed behind him.

Shirley stepped forward in front of both her friends, rigidly spreading out her arms. “Leave them alone,” she commanded, voice quavering which lessened the effect. She sounded too sweet to be able to back up her words, but her intent was clearly genuine.

With a mocking bow, Synclair surprisingly listened and left, though it probably had more to do with his suddenly ringing cellphone rather than any threat posed by Shirley, of all people. His two cronies trailed in his footsteps, as always, playfully roughhousing behind him—their childish scuffling a high contrast from the abusive harassment they inflicted regularly on Suzaku.

“Let’s go,” Lelouch said smoothly to get things moving, keeping one eye on the bullies’ retreating backs and one eye on his anguished boyfriend. He didn’t have a third to spare for Shirley, not that it would have mattered. There was a familiar sadness in Suzaku’s eyes, only amplified tenfold, that demanded Lelouch’s attention. It was even more frightening up close than it had been from across the lawn, when it still could have been dismissed as a trick of the light.

Trembling slightly, Shirley lowered her arms. “Yeah. Let’s not keep Madame President waiting.”

Suzaku bit his lip and looked to the ground, belatedly letting go of Lelouch’s arm. Silent as poison gas, he turned and plodded towards the Student Council room. Shirley scurried after him and attempted to make conversation, but Suzaku barely said a word in return. He mostly hummed or sighed under his breath, dragging like he carried the weight of a nation on each shoulder.

Lelouch followed with a carefully-concealed anxious look, trying to make sense of his boyfriend’s upsetting behavior. Now more than air, he needed Suzaku _to be all right_. With each footstep, his worry mixed with wrath as he remembered what he’d just witnessed. Irritation mixed with elation at seeing Suzaku again like _this_. He wanted to hit him; he wanted to embrace him. He wanted to shake some goddamn sense into the idiot and kiss him better. Then he wanted to touch him all over and eliminate the bad things deep inside, whatever made Suzaku so depressed and self-sacrificing—he’d grind those feelings to _dust_ so Suzaku could be free to be happy.

…Freeing Japan from Britannia would be easier, but Lelouch never backed down from a challenge.

-+-

_Beaten_

-+-

Shirley pranced on ahead into the Student Council room with a cheerful, “Look who I found!”

“Your precious Lelou?” Milly asked in a sing-song, her smirk apparent in her voice all the way out to the hallway.

A brief spark of jealousy ignited in Suzaku at their exchange as he entered the room, but the flame burned out after only a few seconds with no energy to sustain it. _And_ , he reminded himself sharply, _I don’t have the right to be jealous. I don’t **own** Lelouch._ It didn’t work like that.

“Oh, it’s Suzaku!” Milly exclaimed with a beaming smile, rushing to wrap the Japanese boy in a welcoming hug. Rivalz hurriedly fixed the jealousy on his face, instead offering a greeting grin of his own to the returned Council member. Kallen waved politely. Nina slid down in her chair and never acknowledged Suzaku, though her stiff shoulders showed how aware she was of his presence. Overall, it seemed so far like an ordinary meeting on the surface.

Suzaku weakly smiled ‘hello,’ mustering up the strength to look at each of them in turn. It was all he could manage, especially with sudden doubts dragging at his mind. _They’re not **really** happy to see me_ , he mused. _They always do just fine without me. In fact, maybe they even do **better** without me here to ruin things! _ The possibility hammered his thoughts as aggressively as the bullies had pounded his body outside, leaving Suzaku an even worse emotional wreck.

Casting a concerned and determined glance Suzaku’s way, Shirley opened her mouth—only to promptly close it when Lelouch stepped up and put a hand on her shoulder, subtly shaking his head.

While grateful for Lelouch’s interference, relieved that his boyfriend immediately had his back, Suzaku felt simultaneously annoyed at the underlying implication that he needed coddling like some child he pretended he wasn’t. The vexation, like the jealousy, burned out quickly—especially as he reminded himself with an internal wince, _Maybe it’s true_. Lelouch had already come to his rescue today. Suzaku grimaced, stubbornly ignoring his conscious choices in the matter to belittle himself further. _I can’t even protect myself—from friend **or** foe. I’m worthless_.

Stomach twisting, his mind flashed with memories of how he’d been so helpless at Narita. He’d lost control. That girl from the capsule had done—something—to trigger his worst fears and insecurities, and Suzaku still didn’t know how he’d lost touch with reality so completely. Even days later, he couldn’t remember wreaking violent disorder in the Narita wilderness or how he’d come to be forcibly contained—but he’d heard what he’d done, and the shame threatened to engulf him. (Suzaku knew all too well what bad things happened when he lost control—

His father, on the ground, blood everywhere—)

Suzaku immediately shook the memories away, hoping no one would notice his accelerated breathing or sweaty face. He subtly drew his arm across his forehead, hiding his expression for a second and removing the worst of the noticeable sweat droplets. _Focus on the Student Council_ , he ordered himself sternly; with so much practice at running from his defining crime, he was able to somewhat successfully squash his past to function in the present. (Suzaku always had been a strong runner.) Now his worst sins simmered closer to the surface than he felt comfortable with after so many years of feeling like he’d had his problems in check. (It was no surprise Suzaku couldn’t ultimately put them in checkmate. He was no chess master like Lelouch.)

It was terrifying how close he felt to snapping.

Maybe Miss Cecile had been right and coming back to Ashford hadn’t been the best idea.

The situation felt worse when Milly started issuing orders rapid-fire now that everyone was accounted for, and Suzaku felt each directive as a missile attack on his ears. There were too many projects being launched at once, and he felt buried under his social duties as he fought to curb his inner demons. He only had so much limited energy, and besides, hadn’t he taken a weekend break from the military to get _away_ from that smothered feeling? He looked down at the table, coaching himself to breathe through the impending bedlam. The oxygen helped clear his head and lead him to a realization: What had he ever done to deserve a break or an easy time? Nothing, that’s what.

Still breathing deeply, Suzaku prayed for the mental strength to make it through the meeting. It was ironic, but the one time he would have been willing to skip Council responsibilities, he’d been hauled down regardless. He could never voice the idea of missing a meeting, not in the company of fellow Council members, and not after Lelouch had already confirmed their participation. Well, Lelouch had confirmed his own participation; it went without saying that Suzaku’s place was by his side, no matter the circumstances. _That_ was how it worked.

Milly laughed delightedly, tugging Suzaku to the table (jerking his attention to the here-and-now, though his father’s crimson image still lingered in his mind’s eye—) and shoving some papers at him. Resting a hand confidently on her hip, she said, “Great! Now that his best friend has returned, maybe Lelouch will come back also!”

“I was never gone!” Lelouch protested indignantly, following but ignoring Suzaku’s questioning look with the slightest of blushes. “I came to every meeting! All week!”

Milly pointed a triumphant finger at her vice president, grinning from ear to ear. “ _That_ is what I mean, Lelouch!”

Blinking, Lelouch asked, “Huh?”

“You just showed some life!” Milly explained, sounding slightly exasperated. “You’ve been here every time but you’ve been quiet and withdrawn. Your heart hasn’t been in it.”

Lelouch rolled his eyes with a snort. “My heart has _never_ been in Council business.”

“True,” piped up Rivalz from the background. Lelouch sagely nodded his thanks for the support.

“ _And_ ,” Milly continued, raising her voice, “you always left before anyone could talk to you about your attitude.”

“Maybe I didn’t feel up to socializing,” Lelouch said, his voice a bit cool. “Look, you’re all my friends, but maybe I just wasn’t in the mood to be here, okay?”

“Then you would have just skipped,” Milly pointed out matter-of-factly.

Lelouch sputtered. “That is, I—”

“Happy Friday!” Milly said, smiling broadly at her victory.

Suzaku slumped at the president’s innocent change-of-subject. _How could anything be called ‘happy’?_ He was heavily aware of Lelouch’s concerned gaze on him as Student Council shenanigans continued, but he didn’t know how to respond—so he just didn’t acknowledge it. Without the others addressing him directly anymore, already caught up in the frenzy of Milly Ashford’s ideas, Suzaku sighed with relief and tried to blend in with his chair.

While grateful to be out of the limelight so he could breathe easier, his heart still ached at the observation, _I’ve been back for ten minutes and they’ve already forgotten me. That’s how much I mean to them_. He swallowed thickly, thinking, _That’s how much of a trivial impact I’ve made_. Heart beating quicker, he suddenly worried, _What if it’s not just with my friends? What if I haven’t influenced Britannia to the extent I’d believed?_ At the beginning, lucky circumstances had allowed him to be the first Number to pilot a cutting-edge Knightmare—and he’d grabbed tight to the opportunity for inner social reform, thinking that he was already making progress simply by gaining a position previously denied to Elevens. He’d _kept_ his position through skill and his own brand of honor. He’d thought he was taking strides in his idealistic dream, but his colossal failure at Narita was an earth-shattering reality check.

Why was it that when Suzaku wanted so hard to bring two sides together, Zero literally split the ground between them?

Staring hard at the table to keep the tears from falling, Suzaku focused on the wood grain patterns, the swirling designs artfully doubling back on themselves just like his thoughts. It was too overwhelming to ruminate on his failures affecting the system, but his friendship faults were just the right level to brood over and allow him to process his inner shortcomings. _Even if their friendship towards me is based on fleeting pity, they still mean everything to me. Especially Lelouch._ He sniffled, taking extra care to be quiet about it so no one would notice, and reminded himself, _I became a soldier to protect innocent people—like my friends. Like my boyfriend_. His eyes narrowed with renewed determination, and he felt slightly steadier even with the supposed friendship imbalance tilting his judgment. _Even if I’m bad at it, they’re why I’ll keep trying_. Concentrating hard, Suzaku tried desperately to tune out the good-natured mayhem erupting exclusively around him. 

“Get him, Rivalz!”

“I almost _died_ when—”

“Whoa, that exploded!”

“That test was killer! I didn’t think I was gonna make it—”

“GUTS!”

Worse, in his friends’ jubilant screeching, Suzaku heard the dying screams of soldiers.

His mind was whirling as he looked over his stack of simple paperwork about some festival Milly wanted to have—he had trouble actually taking in the information, it all seemed so inconsequential—and the words seemed to float off the page into oblivion. Suzaku desperately wanted to join them, and a huge exhale escaped his lips unbidden as he realized he was stranded in reality. Life was happening all around him, and yet he felt lonelier than when he’d been isolated in a dark Knightmare cockpit deep in the mountains for days on end.

Lelouch’s eyes narrowed further with obvious worry, and after struggling to escape Shirley’s random enthusiastic death-hold, he slid into the seat next to Suzaku. Shooting his boyfriend a smile, his face casually relaxed but for the serious glint in his eyes, Lelouch mumbled under his breath, “Twelve more minutes.”

“You’ve been counting, too?” Suzaku whispered back, jolting slightly when Lelouch casually pressed their knees together under the table. The contact was grounding, tethering Suzaku to a ray of hope amidst despair in chaos.

 Lelouch gave him an incredulous look before snorting, “I always count.”

Those last twelve minutes dragged, but Suzaku tried to distract himself by counting to sixty in his head twelve different times. A smarter person—like Lelouch—would have done the mental math and counted out the correct total of seconds remaining, but Suzaku took the simpler path. He still had no energy to waste on insignificant calculations, but he had to do _something_ mentally-engaging to keep his mind from slipping down the familiar dark path. (The blade in his hand, his father in front of him—)

When at last the meeting ended, Suzaku felt a mountain’s worth of pressure lift from his chest each time a fellow Student Council member said a farewell and filed from the room. Finally leaving him and Lelouch. Alone. At the realization, all the crushing weight returned with a vengeance. This was what he’d been waiting for, but now in this hanging moment, Suzaku wondered suddenly if he’d made a mistake. He felt unsure around Lelouch in a way he hadn’t since the first day of their romantic relationship, when they were sorting out their new roles in each other’s lives. _Suzaku_ felt like a different person after what he’d been through at Narita, and he doubted if it was fair to make Lelouch date a stranger. Especially a _damaged_ stranger. Hands sweating in the tense silence, Suzaku shifted uncomfortably in his chair and knocked Lelouch’s knee away by accident.

The movement was enough to cue Lelouch to action. Clearing his throat, he said softly, “Suzaku.”

“What a great meeting!” Suzaku exclaimed, his voice cracking in the middle as he cut off his prince.

Lelouch raised an eyebrow. “Tell me one thing you remember from it.”

Suzaku simply blinked with an embarrassed look on his face.

Nodding, Lelouch sighed, “Thought so.” He tentatively moved his knee back to its snug position against Suzaku’s, and the brunet was quick to press back in equal measure, trying to make up for his earlier mistake. Lelouch coughed, for once sounding truly hesitant as he hedged, “I get the feeling that you’re avoiding the subject, but I think we need to talk about what happened earlier. I’m worried about you.”

Licking his dry lips, Suzaku hung his head. “I know,” he said, voice barely audible. The last thing he wanted to do was make his prince worry.  (He’d caused enough grief in his short life; his father—)

“What happened then?” Lelouch asked, eyebrows drawing together in yet more concern.

Suzaku shook his head and mumbled, “Nothing happened, Lelouch.” With those words, he labored to his feet and trudged over to Arthur, hoping the physical distance would put space between his answer and Lelouch’s all-too-knowing eyes. He lifted his hand to a ledge on the cat tree in the corner of the room, wincing when Arthur swatted him away. It was standard behavior from his cat, but already wallowing in the darkest depths of misery, Suzaku perceived it this time as personal rejection. (His father struck him across the room in dismissal, and Suzaku reacted on pure instinctive rage as he ran right back at him, his blade angled and ready—) 

From the table, Lelouch mused dryly, “So I _didn’t_ see your bullies gang up on you and knock you around on the school lawn. It’s good to know that I need to get my eyes checked.” Huffing, he added, “Perhaps I simply have a violent, runaway imagination. I should probably do something about that, too, huh?”

“You can stop being sarcastic,” Suzaku said thinly, turning back to his boyfriend with a mild frown, dreading the direction of this conversation. His gut twisted at Lelouch’s determined face, and pressure pounded on the inside of his skull, making it hard to think right when he needed to most. Anticipating that the festering wound was about to pop, he tried to do preventative clean-up before things became too messy. “I get that you’re upset.” (His father was upset with him, he was upset with his father, things were escalating out-of-control—)

Hissing through his teeth, Lelouch said, “I’m more than _upset_ that you keep getting bullied.” The deliberate and quiet delivery slammed home a harder impact than if he’d shouted. Lelouch swept a hand through his hair in obvious frustration, black locks falling out of place—and while he usually strived to look impeccable, this time he didn’t even seem to notice that his hair was in disarray. He exhaled slowly through his nose before standing up, facing the cat tree with staunch purpose. “Furthermore, I’m distressed that _I_ seem to be more bothered than _you_ about all this. Suzaku, you keep getting victimized!”

“I know. I’m sorry,” Suzaku agreed automatically in a low voice. _You don’t know the half of it_ , he mentally added, thinking back to whatever crazy trick that girl from the capsule had pulled on him at Narita. But he couldn’t share that with Lelouch; he didn’t think his prince would believe him anyway. Lelouch was too logical to admit to supernatural happenings. That left them dealing with the normal, everyday bullying—which was, honestly, just as damaging. (He brought it on himself. It was always his fault. His father was screaming so at him as he bled out—)

Suzaku jumped slightly when he felt familiar teeth dig into his skin, and he whirled around to stare at his cat again instead of at Lelouch. With a proud twitch of his tail, Arthur released Suzaku’s hand and leapt down to the floor. Without looking back, he proceeded to do his business in the litter box, squeezing out a steaming pile of poop which left behind a nasty odor that permeated the entire room.

Lelouch’s face wrinkled with disgust as he made a beeline for the litter box scooper and waste-deposit bag, clearly intent on cleaning the feculent material before it made them all sick. Or maybe his reaction was in response to Suzaku’s words still lingering in the air, capable of inspiring nausea on their own; either was possible. Heaving a sigh, trying not to breathe in, Lelouch said in a barely-controlled tone, “You don’t need to apologize for being a victim, Suzaku. That wasn’t what I was trying to get at.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” Suzaku mumbled again, reacting on autopilot. Avoiding his boyfriend’s eyes, Suzaku snatched the cleaning materials from Lelouch and bent to change Arthur’s litterbox himself. Just like he cleaned the cat box, Suzaku wanted to filter and scoop all the waste out of his life, deposit it in the trash—but it wasn’t that easy. (His father’s accusing face loomed over him, first in the study where it had all gone down and second in that white headspace of hallucinations, still haunting him—)

Suzaku’s suppressed sins still afflicted him.

Buried shit still reeked.

-+-

_Rotten_

-+-

Something smelled fishy.

Shaking his head in exasperation, Lelouch took a few steps away from the litter box to calm down and think. While he was agitated at his boyfriend’s repetitive apologies, Lelouch knew from experience that unleashing his anger on Suzaku wouldn’t help matters. He already feared that he’d pressed the issue too far, recognizing Suzaku’s emotional retreat at his (valid) observation. No, expressing how mad he felt wouldn’t get him any closer to his goal. Instead, he had to work backwards and lay out the facts. Understand the situation. Understand his boyfriend. _Suzaku’s been emotional and self-sacrificing since we reunited, but the look in his eyes now… It’s deeper than normal. Something must have happened_.

That much was obvious, despite how Suzaku shied away from the subject. His behavior during the Council meeting was just hitting the nail in the coffin.

“Arthur’s going to kill me one of these days,” Suzaku said with a forced laugh as he finished, regaining Lelouch’s attention in time for a bombshell announcement: “I think I should write out my will tonight. Just to be prepared.” His jaded green eyes met Lelouch’s purple for a fleeting moment before focusing again on the ground.

Biting back a gasp, Lelouch felt a cold wave of dread and horror wash over him. Alarm bells rang in his mind, muffled by the rushing in his ears. For Suzaku to mention a will out of nowhere (even in the guise of a poor joke), things must be worse than he’d thought. That settled things. Lelouch would have to abandon working on the finishing touches of his latest plot—he was expecting news that a tracking device had been planted on that annoying White Knightmare any day now—and as such, the Black Knights operation targeting it would have to be put on hold until the following weekend. 

Suzaku came first.

-+-

_Slammed_

-+-

“This was a good idea,” Suzaku said warmly, organizing his school papers as he eased back into comfortable routine. His anxiety decreased, having an idea in his mind of what to expect; better still, his ghosts could be pushed to the side with a practical goal in front of him, with the person he loved calming his panic-stricken state in a safe environment, with no threats blocking his way. He was a soldier, after all; he thrived on routine, order, and productivity. He liked checking off responsibilities before engaging in downtime; it helped that his boyfriend was of the same mindset—even more so, because no one Suzaku knew was as self-disciplined as Lelouch when it came to getting things done.

Lelouch smiled wryly and leaned back in his chair, folding his arms behind his head. Some political magazine was spread open before him on the Student Council table, currently ignored as he focused on Suzaku. “I always have the best ideas,” Lelouch said smugly.

Suzaku chuckled lightly at his boyfriend’s ego. “You _sometimes_ come up with good stuff,” he corrected his boyfriend, waving a set of lecture notes and homework answers for emphasis as Lelouck mock-sputtered. Lelouch had painstakingly copied everything Suzaku had missed during his absence, and the soldier saw his boyfriend’s love and dedication in every neat pen stroke. It would have been easier to make a photocopy of his class notes, but that wasn’t how Lelouch operated. He made things count with personal effort; he lived by his _own_ strength. It was a trait Suzaku had admired in Lelouch ever since they were ten, when Lelouch had dragged himself up from an impossible situation to care for Nunnally. Now he was caring for Suzaku.

More than ever, Suzaku felt himself falling in love all over again. It had been Lelouch’s idea to get back in the swing of normalcy as soon as possible, and while Suzaku had at first wanted to argue for welcome-home kisses and petting, he had to admit that his boyfriend made a fair point. Suzaku had never wanted school projects hanging over them as they made out, so they’d gotten into the habit of finishing their work for the night before allowing themselves playtime. To be fair, they’d had some—several—slips in priorities, but the usual routine was well-established. After the unfamiliar and traumatizing days in Narita, Suzaku welcomed the simple stability that came with homework. And as he stared perplexed at his math problems, he felt the familiar bubble of anticipation in his belly that promised reward.

His life was so conditioned.

It felt good.

Looking between his blank paper and the homework answer sheet, Suzaku felt queasy at all the missing blanks. (What happened at Narita? His memories and experiences didn’t add up—) _I don’t understand at all_ , he disparaged. _I’m an idiot_. His anxiety came roaring back, and he fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat.

“What’s wrong?” Lelouch asked, scooting his chair closer. “I thought this would help.”

Taking a deep breath, Suzaku nodded. “It does,” he said. “I just…” He sighed, then squared his shoulders to own up to his inadequacies. “I don’t understand how you got this answer, even though you showed your work step-by-step.”

Tilting his head to the side, Lelouch said, “That makes sense.”

 _Oh no!_ Suzaku panicked, reading too much into things and jumping to conclusions. _Lelouch really does think I’m dumb_. The emotional blow was stronger than Synclair Worth’s fist, about on par with all the demeaning opinions of him that his father had continuously broadcasted.

“You weren’t there to learn the material,” Lelouch went on matter-of-factly, seemingly oblivious to Suzaku’s mental tailspin, “so I’m sure everything looks strange. Here, I’ll walk you through it.”

Lips thinning, Suzaku jerked his head in an acquiescing nod. _I can’t believe I need **extra** extra help_ , he groaned inwardly. _I must be more idiotic than I thought_. He took a silent breath and drew courage from his boyfriend’s face, trying to prepare himself for the academic torture. _Still, I’m grateful. Lelouch doesn’t have to be here with me, but he is_. With all the rotten choices he’d made throughout his life, Suzaku couldn’t fathom how he’d gotten so lucky.

As the tutoring session continued, Suzaku felt his self-esteem dip down yet again. Math was hard, even if it was easier than history or Britannian English. Tapping his pencil, Suzaku fretted, _If I can’t even handle little things like logarithmic expressions and functions, how will I successfully deal with the **big** things? The stuff that matters?_

Like making up for his father’s death. Like changing Britannia from within.

Like protecting Lelouch.

His own incompetence was demotivating, and Suzaku slid down in his seat. He lost his grip on the pencil and watched detachedly as it rolled to the floor with a clatter.

“Need a break?” Lelouch asked mid-explanation, always attuned to Suzaku’s needs no matter their situation.

Weakly nodding, Suzaku said, “Yeah, that’d be nice. Thanks for always looking out for me.”

Violet eyes narrowing in consternation, Lelouch murmured, “Except I still need to do better.” At seeing Suzaku’s questioning glance, he clarified, “Especially after how things escalated earlier with Worth and his gang, I _won’t_ stand back and watch you get hurt. Ever again.”

“But you didn’t—” Suzaku said, cutting himself off before he rambled. Lelouch had jumped right in, but he’d probably _felt_ like he’d stood back and watched for all the good it had ended up doing. Suzaku could relate. His words felt clumsy on his tongue, and the warmth from his prince’s declaration mixed with the spreading tightness in his chest to leave behind a feeling akin to heartburn. Recoiling from the secretly-craved proclamation of protection, Suzaku pressed a fist to the middle of his chest and switched tactics with, “I’m not hurt, Lelouch.” If he wasn’t hurt, then there was no problem to address. It was that simple, unlike Algebra II.

Lelouch opened his mouth, his recognizable protest-expression springing to life on his face.

“I appreciate your concern, but it’s not necessary,” Suzaku said hurriedly before Lelouch could get a word in edgewise, stuffing his history folder out of sight into the bottom of his backpack. Like his crushed homework, Suzaku desperately didn’t want to acknowledge Synclair Worth, Anthony Bristol, Cameron Remington, Corbin Dixon, Farrell Fox, Mrs. Kerr, Coach Ryder, or any of the innumerable other racist bigots that lined the halls of Ashford Academy. “Really. I’m fine. Nothing to worry about. No concern needed,” he repeated, his body shifting guiltily in clear contradiction to his words.

“It _is_ necessary. You’re hurt here,” Lelouch discerned, leaning over to gently tap the brunet’s own hand over his heart. His political magazine slipped off the table, but Lelouch left it on the floor as he prioritized Suzaku. “You just like to pretend you’re happy so you can get through another day.”

Suzaku immediately scooted his chair back out of reach, trying to escape the chilling insight. The movement ripped apart the photograph of Zero on the cover of Lelouch’s magazine (Suzaku couldn’t care less, he hated that bastard Zero, he wanted to tear apart the _real_ one with his bare hands—) earning a slight wince followed by a forced shrug of dismissal when Lelouch took notice. (Though Suzaku did feel guilty about his boyfriend’s magazine.) There were more important things at stake; they both knew that, and they were on the same page—only Lelouch seemed to be reading a little faster.

Frantically, Suzaku shook his head, instinctively reaching for denial even as his heart raced from stone-cold truth laid bare. His nervous gaze flitted from the table to the ceiling, then to the window and finally to the middle of Lelouch’s pale forehead where he steadfastly refused to meet his lover’s shrewd eyes. Suzaku never had liked imaginary numbers, especially since they equaled negative solutions. Taking a shaky breath, he confessed, “I don’t need to _pretend_ I’m happy when I’m with _you_.”

Instead of smiling at Suzaku’s heartfelt declaration, Lelouch merely sighed. “I’m disappointed, but at least that’s something,” he said flatly, not falling for the emotional distractive maneuver; Lelouch was more likely to pull them than to be led astray himself. He was far too focused on his goals. 

Lelouch wasn’t the only one disappointed, and Suzaku felt a twinge of agitation that his profound admission didn’t gain an equally-deep emotional response. At least his dramatic boyfriend wasn’t playing up any anger in some explosive tantrum, and Suzaku was grateful for small blessings. He relaxed as he remembered, blunt Lelouch was just being Lelouch, always focused on the practical objective. Then Suzaku felt both pleased and guilty as he realized, _Lelouch’s goal right now is **me**_.

That, at least, was routine.

-+-

_Struck_

-+-

The setting sun was dragging the last of its light below the horizon, and Lelouch knew he had to act now before the shine in _Suzaku’s_ eyes dropped permanently past the vanishing point. Time could be running out. Twilight loomed over the Ashford Academy grounds, spread out beneath Lelouch and Suzaku from their sacred vantage point on the roof. Lelouch looked down and considered himself a god on high; he feared that Suzaku looked down and perceived himself as damned, removed and disconnected.

“It’s good to be back,” Suzaku said quietly, as if speaking any louder would disturb the peace. His clear and burning gaze caught Lelouch’s beneath the first stars and then slowly hazed over to reflect the night clouds. “I missed you, my prince.”

Swallowing down a barrage of questions, Lelouch merely said, “I missed you, too.” He checked Suzaku over, noticing his now-constant slumped posture and drawn face. Even a relaxing side trip to _their_ rooftop was having no effect on Suzaku’s attitude, leaving Lelouch feel frustrated and helpless. “I wish—” He broke off, rethinking his words. Each one counted now more than ever, and the wrong ones could send Suzaku running. Falling.

Giving him a moment, Suzaku looked up at the sky and pointed at the brightest spot of light. “Do you believe in wishing stars?” he asked, keeping his eyes firmly trained on the heavens.

Lelouch inhaled slowly, following his lover’s lead. “To an extent,” he said at last. “When I was little, I would go stargazing with Nunnally, our mother, and Euphy. We’d sit out in the Aries Villa garden and tell stories, make wishes, draw constellations in the sky…” He trailed off, lost in memories, and then shook himself out of it. “Now that I’m older, I know simple wishes don’t amount to anything. If you want something, you have to work for it and make it happen.” He leveled his gaze meaningfully at Suzaku.

“What if what you want isn’t possible?” Suzaku wondered in a throaty whisper, his eyes still painstakingly glued to the brightest star above.

Lelouch inhaled again and took some time to process the question. This conversation was reminding him of one they’d already had while folding paper cranes with Nunnally, back when all he’d wished for was Suzaku by his side. That had seemed inconceivable back then, but looking at their reality now… “I don’t know,” Lelouch said finally. “What impossibility do you wish for, Suzaku?”

At the inquiry, Suzaku haltingly returned his attention to his lover. His eyes were wet and his voice was barely audible when he shared, rather unconvincingly, “I want to fly, Lelouch.” He stared upwards again, then suddenly scrambled onto the roof railing like he meant to jump into the cosmos.

“Suzaku!” Lelouch yelped unthinkingly, his hand shooting out to grasp Suzaku’s. To steady him. To hold him here, on the solid side of the roof railing, on the animated side of the life boundary.

Swaying precariously, no stranger to balancing acts, Suzaku threw his head back and laughed like he’d gone mad. He still clutched Lelouch’s fingers in return like a lifeline, but his free hand snatched sporadically at air, grasping at ethereal dots against the skyscape and coming up empty every time. It took quite some minutes before his crazed giggles tapered off into the open sky, leaving echoes of sadness in their wake. When the only sound was the rapid beating of their hearts, Suzaku looked down at Lelouch with a slightly calmer expression and leapt back to the rooftop as if nothing strange had happened.

Lelouch had to swallow down several bursts of anger and fear before he just let himself snap, “Don’t be reckless, Suzaku! What the hell were you thinking?!”

“You had me,” Suzaku said tenderly. “I trusted you, Lelouch.”

Sputtering, Lelouch tugged his boyfriend farther inward, away from the edge. He always had liked precautions. “Were you trying to fly?!” he demanded, trying to make sense of this new round of odd behavior. “Why did you climb on the roof railing?!”

“To get us a wishing star,” Suzaku answered simply, as if it was the most sensible response he could offer. “How else are we going to realize impossible dreams?”

“Because you and I can do anything together!” Lelouch claimed, his strong belief radiating off of him. “You don’t need to risk yourself for—do you even—I mean—”

Wriggling free, Suzaku took a step back, undoing a fragment of Lelouch’s safety measures. “Have you ever thought about dying?” the soldier blurted randomly, cutting through one of Lelouch’s worries and sprouting a million more. He idly pulled free his military-issued gun from his school jacket’s inside pocket, tossing it carelessly from hand to hand.

Trying to keep down his rising anxiety, Leouch simply said, “Yes.” He edged forward and to the side, putting himself slowly on-level with his capricious boyfriend. His eyes followed the gun back and forth, left to right and back again, caught up in the cycle. In the back of his mind, Lelouch pondered why Suzaku was carrying his standard weapon around off-duty; the soldier never had before, being too conscious of protocol and basic safety regulations. There were way too many details amiss for Lelouch to feel comfortable. He gathered himself and added, a bit more confidently, “Of course I have. It’s only natural after watching my mother get killed, and then surviving the war.”

Suzaku hummed deep in his throat, seemingly distracted. “Right, right.” Swish, swish went the gun.

Leaning forward, Lelouch panicked, _Why is he thinking about death?!_ Nausea churned in his stomach as he forced himself to ask, “What brought this on?”

Shrugging slightly, Suzaku said in a detached tone, “I guess just digging up corpses at Narita.” It was the first time the soldier had mentioned his recent specific duties, as opposed to the vague “clean-up tasks” explanation he’d relayed earlier. His gun-flinging slowed before picking up faster than ever, shedding some insight into Suzaku’s undoubtedly racing thought patterns.

Lelouch reached to intercept the gun before any harm could come of his boyfriend’s latest foolhardiness, wincing as understanding dawned on him. _Suzaku, you are suffering because of my plans._ He felt a wave of remorse surge through him, and no amount of reasoning lessened the blame. _I didn’t think you’d be affected, but it makes sense that they’d call in manual labor clean-up from the Honorary Britannian soldiers. Grunt work for the grunt class, after all._ As his hand ‘accidentally-on-purpose’ knocked the locked airborne gun into the shadowy corners of the rooftop, Lelouch looked away guiltily and bit his lip. He peered at his lover out the corner of his eye, cringing at how cheated and affronted Suzaku suddenly looked at Lelouch’s interference.

“What the hell, Lelouch?” Suzaku demanded, turning to retrieve his weapon.

Lelouch quickly grabbed Suzaku’s arm and yanked him back, inwardly crowing at the spark of attitude he’d elicited. “You don’t need that!”

Suzaku frowned but allowed himself to be stopped. “You don’t know that,” he said quietly, his voice barely audible and his face frighteningly blank again.

“I do,” Lelouch said at once, grateful that Suzaku obviously hadn’t been _too_ determined to regain his gun. The soldier’s current indifference suggested that some unpleasant ideas were more back-up plans than solidified eventualities, and the implication took the edge off Lelouch’s panic—though not enough to keep him from saying, “I refuse to scrape _your_ corpse off the sidewalk.” Hadn’t he already conveyed as much with the whole roof-railing debacle?

Looking out over the school, Suzaku simply shrugged. “I wouldn’t make a huge mess for you to clean up, Lelouch.”

Stifling a gasp at the skewed determination, Lelouch crossed to Suzaku’s other side and planted himself firmly between his boyfriend and the gun. “Not the point,” he said, his mind flashing with images of his mother’s bloody assassination. While he hadn’t been able to save her, Lelouch _would_ save Suzaku. His tenacity was buoyed by guilt at his incidental role in triggering Suzaku’s psychological spiral. Though he remembered Suzaku explaining over the phone why he’d be out of school for the week, Lelouch had never predicted the impact of the assignment’s _true_ nature on Suzaku’s already-fragile emotional state. _I never meant to cause you pain, my knight._ His eyes narrowed as he noticed Synclair Worth and his goons jostling each other while crossing the Ashford grounds below, and he inwardly seethed, _Unlike those bastards_.

Suzaku followed his gaze, finally distracted (or too tired to argue Lelouch’s stubbornness), and sighed as if the mere sight of the bullies was enough to suck the air from his lungs. “At least there was one good thing about Narita: Those jerks were missing.” A hollow laugh erupted from his throat and he held onto the roof railing for support, his fingers fitting around the handrail more naturally than the gun.

“There were other jerks,” Lelouch said, thinking of Suzaku’s racist superiors in a corner of his mind but mostly hoping the soldier wouldn’t make an encore performance of his bold stunts. “You deserve better than to be bullied.”

Lowering his head, Suzaku shrugged one shoulder and said softly, “So do you.”

Lelouch tilted his head in confusion. “Come again?”

“I’m talking about Dixon,” Suzaku explained, obviously steering the topic away from his own mistreatment. “He’s messing with you, Lelouch. Because of me.”

Pursing his lips, Lelouch shook his head and scowled at the deflection. _Why does Suzaku always go straight to blaming himself?_ While Lelouch loved his boyfriend dearly, it was a bit annoying to navigate through his self-blame minefield en-route to the real issue. Every time. Straightening his shoulders, mentally gearing up, Lelouch refuted in a calm voice, “No. He’s being a jackass because he’s a renowned jackass. But don’t worry, I can handle him just fine.”

Suzaku scowled, seeming more adjusted but also more depressed now that he wasn’t losing himself in the stars and shrieks. “I want to handle him, Lelouch,” he said. “I…I wish I could protect you from all those dickheads.” It sounded like a more honest wish.

“Says the one who let himself be literally beaten, despite how he could have fought off the whole gang in a straitjacket,” Lelouch mused skeptically.

Rolling his shoulders, Suzaku insisted, “That’s different. They were insulting you, Lelouch.”

Lelouch shook his head in disbelief, reminding his boyfriend, “They were _assaulting_ you!”

“It’s still different,” Suzaku maintained, refusing to elaborate.

Lelouch sighed, sensing it would be beneficial to push on another weak spot. “You at least swore you’d avoid them,” he groused, holding up his hand until his pinky was splayed against the backdrop of the rising moon. “Remember our sacred promise?”

Suzaku lowered his head until his bangs covered the top of his face. “I’m sorry.”

Lelouch gently lifted Suzaku’s chin with two fingers until they were eye-to-eye again. “That wasn’t meant as an attack,” he said softly. A part of him almost wished for the rash, cackling Suzaku from before—anything but this empty, broken shell of a boyfriend. “You don’t need to be sorry.”

“Okay,” Suzaku whispered, his fight drained, green eyes glistening in the starlight. His fingers listlessly slid off the railing, and he leaned into his boyfriend’s hold.

Lelouch grasped Suzaku’s shoulders and turned him around until they squarely faced one another. Then he leaned in closer, his gaze searching Suzaku’s intently. He breathed a sigh of relief at the twinkling traces of light in swimming green eyes, their shine dim and murky but not yet burned out. While the discovery gave him hope, Lelouch knew that hope would only get him so far.

One of the blinking lights above them _had_ to be a wishing star. But forget stars; as far as controlling wishes was concerned, Lelouch would Geass Jupiter if it meant dragging the soul-sucking darkness out of his boyfriend.

-+-

_Depleted_

-+-

Suzaku inhaled silently, spellbound by the starlight reflected in entrancing violet eyes. It was almost impossible to remember his troubles when Lelouch looked at him like that. Hell, it was hard to even remember what they’d been talking about just seconds ago. At that precise moment, there was only one thought on Suzaku’s mind. “I love you,” he breathed fondly, reaching up to rest one hand over Lelouch’s on his shoulder.

Licking his lips, Lelouch took a tiny step closer. He inched forward as slowly as he had during their first kiss; while now they were standing outwardly on the very same spot, inwardly they were so far beyond where they’d been that fateful day. Back then, their hearts had beat to different rhythms; tonight, they beat in sync. Before their lips connected, Lelouch said reverently, “I wish you would love _yourself_ as much as _I_ love _you_.”

Suzaku jerked back reflexively, his eyes snapping home to Lelouch’s as he sucked in another deep breath. _There_ was the profound twist of an answer he always expected from his wordsmith lover, and the pure affection in the sentiment was the only thing lacing together Suzaku’s suddenly-weak muscles.

“I want you to care about your own well-being,” Lelouch continued, his voice as soft as the fading twilight. It was apparently the prince’s turn to share his wish, but in an ironic twist of roles, Suzaku sensed Lelouch was the truthful one this time. “I want you to be truly, genuinely happy. I hate seeing you suffer, my knight.” No wind carried the words away this time, and no phone call interrupted their moment. Only the stars shone down on them from the darkening sky to cut through the stillness of the night, like they were glowing with the pure strength of Lelouch’s desire.

Heart thundering, Suzaku allowed himself to be pinned by his boyfriend’s stare, so strong and piercing—to be stripped from the inside out. His eyes burned with emotion while his chest grew tighter; any moment now the suffocating pressure around his heart would trigger the familiar pinpricks of tears on the backs of his eyeballs. Then, while processing his prince’s words, something knocked loose in Suzaku’s ribcage, even as he swallowed down a convoluted lump of words and feelings.

It _hurt_ to hear such loving support. Suzaku was free-falling without his anchor of self-hatred, already slightly uprooted by Lelouch’s devotion. He leaned back, feeling overwhelmed for a second before nodding a silent okay to move on. Like before on the roof railing, he knew Lelouch had him secured. Their trust was as vast as the sky.

Clouds drifted across the moon as Lelouch stepped closer, making up the distance left in the wake of the soldier’s retreat. He pressed their chests together, and Suzaku resumed breathing at the steady, reassuring contact of his prince’s heart beating fast against his own. Violet eyes spitting fire, Lelouch vowed with the same level of passion conveyed in his childhood oath that Suzaku half-expected a war-torn, blood-red sunset to appear behind Lelouch for the sake of dramatic parallels: “I swear, I swear, Suzaku, so help me. I will _obliterate_ any cause of your pain.”

Suzaku could only stare wordlessly at Lelouch, much the same as he had just over seven years ago, with internal doubts and protests crowding his brain and drowning his heart. _Even you can’t pull off miracles, my prince_ , he thought despondently. _Even if you could, you shouldn’t waste them on m_ e. Biting his lip, Suzaku looked to the side and blinked moisture out of his eyes. _I don’t deserve blessings, and yet I have you. Why? I haven’t achieved anything worthwhile. In fact, I did the opposite. I killed—_

“I need to know what to destroy,” Lelouch urged, only partially-joking. “Besides Worth and his stupid sidekicks. Something obviously happened during our time apart. The last time I saw you, Suzaku, you were the happiest I’ve _ever_ seen you.” He didn’t go into detail, but they both knew the reason behind that. Stepping back with a series of helpless hand gestures, Lelouch gave him a once-over and observed softly, “And now, you’re so…defeated. I’m going to ask again, and I hope this time you have a different answer: What happened?”

Looking down at the ground and closing his eyes to escape his boyfriend’s loving persistence, Suzaku said in a tiny voice, “Nothing, Lelouch.” His father’s dying scream echoed in his head, the same as ever but more intense. Reliving his father’s murder at Narita had stirred up all the horrors he’d kept locked away for seven years; they were bleeding through the cracks and bubbling at the surface. Any positive impacts he’d managed to make since then were disintegrating in the wake of new mistakes, leaving him in a perpetual state of inner desperation. However, he hadn’t felt _this_ awful since he was ten, standing over his father’s bloody body with a shaky hand and a shattered conscience. The day he’d betrayed Japan and sold his soul to Britannia came as a close second, barely eclipsing the Narita tragedy. Drawing on great force of will, Suzaku made himself open his eyes to the present.

To Lelouch. To his future.

-+-

_Splintered_

-+-

Lelouch felt like they were caught in a time-loop, where maybe the setting and specific conversation changed to spice things up but the general progression remained the same each time before being reset to zero. Suzaku was distraught, his behavior growing more worrisome by the moment. And Lelouch was getting nowhere.

He didn’t take his eyes off Suzaku as they relocated to the Lamperouge suite for dinner. So far all of his tactics to reach Suzaku had failed, but he was determined to understand and help his lover. While normal routine and an impromptu sunset-and-stargazing date in their personal special spot had not lowered Suzaku’s walls, perhaps dinner with Nunnally would. After all, Suzaku loved Nunnally _almost_ as much as Lelouch.

As they walked downstairs, Lelouch changed the angle of his approach. “When you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here to listen.” His words echoed around the stairwell, magnifying his offer and rebounding back to their ears to hammer home the message. He was strategically advocating his ringing support, but still leaving things open-ended in Suzaku’s hands. At least on the surface, because it would be foolish to ignore an opening for the sake of pretty words. No matter how he had to reach his goals, if he could blast through a weak spot when the opportunity presented itself…

The ends justified the means.

“Thank you,” Suzaku said, his voice a bit rough with emotion as they reached the bottom. “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you, Lelouch.”

Scoffing lightly, Lelouch tossed his head and teased, “Oh, that’s easy. You’re Kururugi Suzaku.”

“No, that’s not—I’m not good enough for you,” Suzaku protested with a wet whimper, almost slipping on the grass as they crossed the lawn. “I’m just plain not good enough.”

“I agree with you about a lot of things, Suzaku, but this is not one of them,” Lelouch said, struggling to control the intensity in his voice. He would get through to his lover, one way or another. “Are you okay?” His heart thudded in his chest. While Suzaku still wasn’t confessing the reason behind his despair, he was (possibly unintentionally) opening up to Lelouch about some of his feelings. This was progress, but the nature of Suzaku’s answer ignited a feeling of loss rather than victory.

Suzaku laughed thinly again. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I’m just tired, you know,” he said, waving haplessly at the grass. “My sleep pattern got a little messed up in Narita, that’s all.”

Lelouch pursed his lips in an effort to stay his words—mainly that mere tiredness had never affected Suzaku to the point of unbalancing himself. Suzaku had a reputation as untouchable when it came to anything physical, and Lelouch knew that better than anybody. “I see,” he said stiffly. Forcing himself to lighten up for Suzaku’s sake, he promised, “We’ll go to bed soon after dinner.”

“Thank you, Lelouch,” Suzaku murmured again, and Lelouch got the impression that Suzaku was thanking him for more than an early night.

Their whole “reading each other” dynamic went both ways.

-+-

_Wearied_

-+-

This was exactly what Suzaku needed, though the normalcy of dinner felt surreal after the horrors of Narita. He’d sat at this table, in this very chair, often enough before, but everything seemed new tonight. He was hyper-aware of the lights (too bright) and his seat (too hard). While he noticed these details, he cared less than ever. It took all his concentration to keep breathing steadily. He jumped in his chair when Sayoko set his plate down on the table, not expecting the nearby movement. Lelouch gave him one of his patented concerned looks, and Suzaku felt guilty at making his boyfriend worry. Again. He listlessly watched Sayoko leave the room, granting them some privacy.

Looking at his chosen family gathered around him, Suzaku’s guilt expanded to cover the fear, _I’m imposing on them_. He felt like a useless burden, eating their food but not contributing. He admonished himself about how he shouldn’t _need_ help to take care of himself at this point. Besides, he told himself, _Their hospitality is wasted on a nothing like me_. The anxiety spiked up his blood pressure before his energy was drained by depression and guilt, leaving him teetering between extremes in a never-ending cycle of intended balance and emotional homeostasis—ultimately resulting in numb emptiness and exhaustion.

Nunnally started eating, and the clang of silverware sounded from across the table as Lelouch followed suit. He helped Nunnally with her food on the side, and Suzaku felt another wave of misplaced guilt as he watched; he’d seen the same scene play out countless times, but for the first time, food for thought hit him hard in the gut with realization: Out of everyone in the world, sweet Nunnally did not deserve the hand she’d been fated.

Kind, innocent little Nunnally was doubly-disabled, neither able to see nor walk—whereas Suzaku possessed almost super-human abilities despite his heavy sin of patricide. It wasn’t fair. _If anyone_ , Suzaku lamented, _I should be the one blind and crippled, not her_. He played with his dinner, never actually eating as his mind raced with absurdities. At the very least, he figured he should have been able to save her. Never mind the logic that he’d been a nine-year-old boy in Japan when Nunnally had been caught in her mother’s assassination across the ocean in Britannia; Suzaku felt, at that moment, that he _should_ have been able to do something. And he _hadn’t._ He’d _failed_ to protect Nunnally, one of the people dearest to him, his surrogate little sister.

On top of that, he couldn’t protect Nunnally from the lingering effects of her condition. She still had a tough daily life, requiring multiple hospital visits a week for different kinds of check-ups and therapies. Aside from the almost-negligible accommodations outlined in those self-help books, there wasn’t anything Suzaku could do for her. He couldn’t fix her body, like how the Lancelot could be restored. He couldn’t even achieve her dream of a peaceful world. (He was useless. His father had always said so—)

“So what did the two of you do today?” Nunnally asked with a little giggle, starting some polite conversation that loosely lassoed Suzaku’s spinning thoughts. Idly chewing some peas, she glanced back and forth between Lelouch’s and Suzaku’s seats; it was impressive how she knew just where to look. Nunnally was so inspiring with everything she could do despite her limitations.

This evening, it made Suzaku feel even more ashamed in comparison.

“We survived Milly, suffered through some homework, and stargazed on the roof,” Lelouch answered promptly, sounding as if this was any routine dinner.

Suzaku blinked, amazed and appreciative. _Lelouch is really worried about me, but he’s not letting any of that show in front of Nunnally_. Resolving to be as convincing an actor as his boyfriend (he had a lot to make up for), Suzaku chimed in, “Lelouch was sharing how the two of you did some stargazing as children.” He immediately froze, feeling like he’d stuck his foot in his mouth. _How could I bring up her innocent childhood and remind her of when she could see stars?_ He and Lelouch had done some light stargazing as children at the Kururugi Shrine, but that was mostly when the Britannian prince had signaled him to the roof and they’d kept it their own special secret so Nunnally never felt left out.

But Nunnally didn’t seem to take offense tonight, smiling as wide as she ever did around her two favorite people. “Oh, we loved looking at the stars!” she confirmed. “Lelouch was always such a sourpuss at first, pretending that he had more important things to do.”

“I wanted to play chess,” put in Lelouch matter-of-factly. Even as he spoke, he was arranging his peas in grid formation in the space left open by his devoured turkey breast slice.

Amusement growing as he watched his sophisticated boyfriend simulate battles with his vegetables, Suzaku said dryly, “Of course.” He sneakily flicked his own pea across the table, making Lelouch’s army scatter into pools of gravy when it hit home.

At once, Lelouch leveled an incredulous look at him—but Suzaku could detect the relief hidden in the lax lines of his face. Suzaku could read Lelouch like a book. This had been a test, then. To see if Suzaku responded to ridiculous dinner mischief, to see if he was too far gone to appreciate fun and humor. And by participating, Suzaku had passed. At least he’d done _something_ right.

“Lelouch would point out clumps of stars and spin chess tales,” Nunnally remembered aloud, unaware of—or perhaps simply ignoring—the tomfoolery happening on either side of her. “He’d say, ‘Those dim pawns are protecting their brilliant queen.’” Sending Lelouch a playful look, she teased, “He was sucking up to Mother big-time.”

Suzaku’s heart skipped a beat. _Lelouch was such a good son_ , he thought. _Especially compared to me…_ (Especially because he’d—)

“Mother loved my chess connections to the stars,” Lelouch sulked. He slowly started to repair the damage caused by Suzaku’s pea attack.

“It sounds like you were all really close,” Suzaku said softly, green eyes warm as they caught Lelouch’s from across the table. Slipping on that ‘happy mask’ felt more natural when his boyfriend was being adorable. “Your mother sounds like a lot of fun.”

“Oh, she was!” Nunnally agreed so fervently that some mashed potatoes fell on her chin. “She was strong, too! And she was one of the first people to ever pilot a Knightmare.”

Unthinkingly wiping his sister clean, Lelouch put in, “That’s right. ‘Marianne the Flash,’ they called her. She was a living legend.”

By some unspoken signal, they all took a moment of silence for Marianne vi Britannia.

Now she… _she_ was something.

Suzaku felt outshone by every single vi Britannia, living or dead.

After a moment, Lelouch quietly cleared his throat and lifted his head. “Mother would have loved you, Suzaku,” he said earnestly, scraping the last of his mashed potatoes off his plate. “She knew excellence when she saw it.”

At those simple and unassuming words, Suzaku felt his mouth stiffen with dread. _Then Lady Marianne would see how unworthy I truly am_ , he thought with a sigh, the last of the whimsical delight from the pea battle eradicated by the undue praise. The soldier felt a new appreciation of words as a deadly weapon, because on the right tongue and for the right ears, words could be toxic on the deepest level.

Lelouch always had been a master of words, knowing how to wield them to achieve any desired effect.

Except in this case, Suzaku was sure that his boyfriend meant to build him up instead of tear him down from behind. Inwardly crying, he stared lifelessly at his Britannian fork, then at the mound of too-much food still on his plate. He was amazed it hadn’t cracked yet, with everything piled on top of it. But maybe, like the plate, Suzaku could be strong, too. While he might be a broken shell, even a chipped plate could serve a function.

Essentially, Suzaku felt like he was a Knightmare with a depleted energy filler—but at least he’d made it back from battle to the shelter of his home base. It was okay to be drained of energy here. The Lamperouge suite was his recharge hangar, and Lelouch was his battery. In this safe zone, he could start to repair himself.

Suzaku raised his fork.

-+-

_Fractured_

-+-

Lelouch drew the bedroom curtains.

“Your mom sounds amazing,” Suzaku said, his voice sounding normal if a bit tired, as he rifled through his personal drawer of clothes to find some nightwear. Luckily, they were well-equipped for impromptu sleepovers. “Do you have a photograph?”

With a sad face, Lelouch shook his head and explained, “That would be too dangerous, even here. We could look her up online, if you wanted.” He joined his boyfriend at the dresser and hesitated a moment before offering, “I have part of a broken plate as a keepsake of her, if you’d rather see something more personal.”

Suzaku tilted his head in confusion. “A broken plate? There’s got to be a story there.”

Laughing, Lelouch dug beneath his underwear and retrieved a decorated protective box. “There is,” he said lightly, ever so carefully lifting the lid. “Every Britannian knight is honored with a commemorative plate. As per tradition, they gift the memento to someone else in their family instead of keeping it for themselves.”

“So your mother gave you her commemorative plate?” Suzaku asked, getting into the story. He leaned in to look over his boyfriend’s shoulder, gasping slightly with admiration at the detailed designs and exquisite handiwork.

Lelouch shook his head and chuckled again. “No, no. My mother gave her plate to Cornelia. Then Cornelia gave it to Euphy because Euphy loved it so much…” As he was outlining the plate’s journey through family members, he offered the token to Suzaku with a meaningful look attached.

Suzaku stood frozen with his head cocked, holding an oversized t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. It took him a moment to drop his sleepwear on the floor and instead reach out to respectfully cradle the fragment of commemorative plate; he moved slowly and stiffly, like he was afraid of breaking it further or scared that he didn’t have the right to hold such treasure, despite the prince’s insistence.

“One night,” Lelouch continued as he pulled out a black tank top, “Nunnally and I were sleeping over at Euphy’s. Nunnally wanted the plate, but Euphy wouldn’t give it to her.” Casually checking that the curtains were still drawn, he started to peel off the top half of his Ashford uniform. Struggling with some buttons, he said, “There was a bit of a fight…I might have gotten involved…and the plate ended up breaking in two.” While he was speaking, the sides of his white button-down shirt flapped open completely, splitting apart to showcase an expanse of pale skin waiting to be re-marked.

Tearing his eyes away with obvious effort, Suzaku concentrated on the story. “Oh, so you each got a part!” he realized, putting the pieces together. “At least it worked out.”

“Yeah,” Lelouch agreed with a heavy sigh, his eyes lost in the past. Focusing again, he guided his boyfriend’s hands to delicately return the fragment of commemorative plate to its protective box. Eyes bright with emotion, he said, “Nunnally and I had to leave this behind when we were sent to Japan, but Dr. Ashford was kind enough to subtly retrieve it for us when he started sheltering us here.” Running his fingers over the plate’s beautiful design where it rested, he said, “Nunnally and I agreed that I should keep our half in my room. Broken glass isn’t the safest thing to have in a blind girl’s bedroom.” Picking up the box, he carried it gingerly to the bed and settled into a comfortable sitting position before saying, “This piece belongs to both of us. The other half is still Euphy’s, as far as I know.”

Quickly changing into his abandoned sleepwear, Suzaku followed his lover and pressed his side gently against Lelouch’s. He spent a long time gazing at the broken memento, running his eyes over the bumps and dents of the art. “It’s lovely,” he whispered, finally raising his eyes to Lelouch’s. “Thank you for sharing something so personal.”

Lelouch raised an eyebrow. “Suzaku,” he said, his voice deadpan, “you’re my long-term boyfriend. Who else would I share something so special with?”

Suzaku shrugged with a sheepish smile. “I…don’t have an answer.”

“Because there is none,” Lelouch huffed. “I’m actually…really happy to share a piece of my mother with you, Suzaku.”

Smiling at the sentiment, Suzaku left to gather his discarded uniform and came back to the bed clutching a brown pocket watch in a sweaty hand. “I have a keepsake of my father, too,” he said, almost choking out the words; Lelouch understood that Kururugi Genbu was a sensitive subject. Suzaku solemnly placed the broken timepiece in Lelouch’s palm and manually closed pale fingers around it, being careful to avoid the worst of the cracks, and grinned shyly at Lelouch’s questioning look. “This is…was…my father’s pocket watch,” Suzaku said in a low voice, shoulders tensing. “I’ve been carrying it on me since…since the day he died.” Taking a couple deep breaths, he continued, “It saved my life in Shinjuku. And it’s reminded me every day to keep moving forward.” Staring directly into serious violet eyes, Suzaku offered, “Lelouch, this is important to me, and so I want to entrust it to you. There’s no one else…”

Lelouch gasped at the profound offer. “Suzaku, this is your father’s—you can’t just—”

“I can,” Suzaku interrupted in a firm voice, almost sounding like his old, confident self. “I want you to have a keepsake of me, my prince, and this pocket watch is the most valuable, sentimental thing I own.” Fidgeting slightly, he looked out the window—although there was nothing to see because the curtains were pulled tight, and Lelouch didn’t know why Suzaku bothered. It was a dead-end escape. In a tiny voice, Suzaku said, “Just in case anything ever happens, I want you to have something precious to remember me by.”

Lelouch stared, for once at a loss for words. _What is he saying?!_ Then, hands trembling, he carefully carried both their keepsakes back to the dresser, needing a moment to compose himself from the implications of his boyfriend’s words. He mechanically buried them both under black bikini briefs and closed the drawer, wishing that his lover’s problems could be accessed and discarded as easily. He slowly turned around, still processing how Suzaku’s conversational references to death kept inching further into suspicious territory.

“I want to leave _something_ behind to show that I was here,” Suzaku said with a small sniffle, bringing his knees up to his chest. The air conditioner kicked on as he started to rock slightly back and forth, almost drowning out his whispered confession: “Lelouch, I’m scared this is all I can leave behind. I’m not…I’m not making the impact I dreamed of when I joined the Britannian Army…”

 _Well, I could’ve told you that_ , Lelouch thought but never voiced because Suzaku didn’t need any snark right now. Without thinking, he gravitated back to his lover, suddenly overwhelmed by a need to _touch_ and reassure himself that Suzaku was _here_. “I think you make more of an impact than you think you do,” he comforted the soldier, lightly pressing Suzaku’s head against his shoulder. “Don’t get me started on how you impact _my_ life. We’ll be here all night, and I thought you were tired.”

That earned a light chuckle from Suzaku, along with a yawn and a soft, “I am.”

At the laughter, Lelouch mentally cheered at his victory. _My Suzaku is still in there. I just need to draw him out_. It had been the only thing on his mind ever since seeing Suzaku get beaten by his bullies so ruthlessly—since watching Suzaku take the punishment like he believed he deserved it. Lelouch took a mental check of the night’s progress before vowing to keep going. There had been both positives and negatives, but he hoped—based on how they’d just connected—that there was a general upward trend. Maybe the forward momentum would help him break through the encirclement surrounding Suzaku’s private problems.

“You always know just what to say,” Suzaku said, lifting his head. “You’ve saved me more than that piece of junk, Lelouch,” he said, waving a hand to where the broken pocket watch had been stashed out of sight.

Lelouch fondly shook his head and started tipping them horizontal. “If it’s important to you, then it’s not junk. I won’t hear any more arguing.” Right now, all he wanted was to keep Suzaku for his own sake. “Just come to bed, my knight.”

“Yes, my prince.”

-+-

_Broken_

-+-

Suzaku moaned with happiness as he sank into Lelouch’s bed, into Lelouch’s arms. _This_ was what he’d been craving. After the stressful return to Ashford and now with a full belly and a fraction of a load off his mind, Suzaku felt sleep tugging at his eyelids. He floated in some half-awake state, this time wanting to remain with reality because right now that meant Lelouch. Suzaku had dreamed of cuddling his lover for more than a week, and he didn’t want to miss out on the experience by falling fully unconscious too soon.

“Do you mind if I turn the news on low?” Lelouch asked, dropping a light kiss onto the back of Suzaku’s neck.

With a massive yawn, Suzaku hummed, “Go for it,” and waited for Lelouch to fix a livestream on his laptop at the foot of the bed. It was early, after all, and Suzaku didn’t want Lelouch to waste his night if he’d had previous plans. When he was sure everything was arranged, Suzaku tugged Lelouch back into prime cuddling positions and settled against his warmth. The news anchor’s voice rose and fell in Suzaku’s ear, sometimes making sense during moments of lucidity and sometimes not when he was closer to sleep. The background noise was rather soothing, actually, coupled with the knowledge that staying informed kept his know-it-all boyfriend happy. Suzaku was all for anything that made Lelouch happy.

After some time of simply listening to the news, Lelouch murmured, “Suzaku?”

“Hm?” the brunet grunted, dragging himself the rest of the way to sleepy consciousness.

Lelouch squeezed him gently as they spooned on the bed, silent for another long moment before venturing, “I really am worried about you. There seems to be something going on, something even more than the standard bullying.” He paused to take a deep breath before asking in a rush, “What’s really gotten you so down?”

Between sheer exhaustion and his weakened, continuously prodded emotional state, Suzaku’s resolve wavered under Lelouch’s careful attention. Probably just as planned, knowing his strategic boyfriend as he did. Lelouch was indomitable, and it was equal parts cute and irritating now to Suzaku. “It’s just that…” Suzaku answered lethargically, the truth about his shadowed past—and about his breakdown at Narita—almost escaping him. He bit his lip just in time as he shook his head against the pillow, refusing to acknowledge it; Lelouch deserved better than to be burdened with his darkness. Terror and guilt concerning his carefully-hidden reality twisted together, weaving a protective layer of lies that did little to ease the hurt but did just enough to deflect other people from the source of his shame.

Lelouch stared at him expectantly.

Suzaku knew it because the hairs on the back of his neck were rising under the scrutiny. “It really is nothing,” he finished lamely instead, forcing a taut smile. “I’m happy, Lelouch. Honest.” He cautiously snuggled deeper into his boyfriend’s arms, his mind racing with sudden alertness. _What would Lelouch say if he knew the truth? About me? About my father? Would he leave me?_ Suzaku’s heart clenched at the thought, bleeding worse than when he remembered his own transgressions. Losing Lelouch now would literally kill him, he had no doubt, and spilling his trauma was a fast-track route to that once-sought, still-daydreamed end. It was only common sense, after all. _…That’s a dumb question. Why **would** he stay?_

“Then why don’t I believe you?” Lelouch pressed, his voice soft and comforting instead of accusing.

Shrugging, Suzaku turned over and buried his face in Lelouch’s chest as he decided, _My boyfriend is trying so hard, I have to give him **something**. _ His thoughts churned, mixing with the noise echoing from the foot of the bed _. I can’t tell Lelouch how much I hate myself for killing my father_ , he resolved, grabbing ahold of a miracle so graciously offered to him by the droning news _, but I **can** share_ … “It’s Zero,” Suzaku finally spat, most of his self-hatred converting to self-righteous anger at the masked terrorist. It didn’t help that it was Zero coming to his rescue _again_ , even just as a cover story this time. Despite the anger, the soldier immediately felt a bit safer, like he was hiding behind Zero’s mask and using it to buffer his own sins from the world. (He had too much blood on his hands, just like Zero—)

It was Lelouch’s turn to recoil, almost like something had cracked within him now, too. “Zero?” he echoed, surprised, voice tight.

Nodding, Suzaku confirmed, “Zero.” The sudden rage coursing through his bloodstream felt better than the pure and lingering despair, energizing him more than he’d been in days. Suzaku felt the anger somewhat transform him, even as he was always aware of the broken parts still cutting him up inside. Hidden— _masked_ —but still there and acting as his driving force. As long as there were people like Zero in the world ( _not like me, not like me!_ ) then Suzaku still had a purpose. He rolled slightly out of his boyfriend’s now-loose arms and glanced worriedly up at Lelouch, abstractedly wondering what was wrong even as his own red-hot anger selfishly snowballed outwards. “He just makes me so _mad_. He says he’s a ‘knight for justice’ but his methods are inhumane.” (Suzaku knew all about ends gained through contemptible means. He was in the best place to judge because—) Quickly, feeling rattled, Suzaku turned away and asked disdainfully, “Did you _see_ what he did at Narita?”

“The mudslide.” It wasn’t a question.

Suzaku dipped his head, both confirming the answer and accepting that Lelouch seemed as knowledgeable as always. “Yeah. He’s just an egotistical terrorist using underhanded means to stir up trouble. All those soldiers who didn’t have a fighting chance…” The guilt threatened to engulf him again as he inwardly asked the unanswerable, _Why did they have to die while I got to live? Why couldn’t I save them?_ Sharp rage and confusion cut through Suzaku’s misery again at his next thought, leaving his heart scrambled from the emotional whiplash. _Why did Zero collapse a mountain onto living people?_

Lelouch was silent for a moment, taking it all in. “It could have been worse,” he said carefully, watching Suzaku’s face closely. The news in the background was touching on the fate of the Japan Liberation Front, but neither teen was paying it much mind.

“How so?” At the moment, Suzaku couldn’t imagine _anything_ worse than what Zero had done.

Lelouch cleared his throat. “Well,” he slowly considered, “imagine the destruction if that mudslide was bigger. At least all the casualties were soldiers.”

Green eyes widened as Suzaku pieced together the implications. “You mean the mudslide could have killed all those innocent civilians at the bottom of the mountains!” He started trembling, acknowledging distantly, _I never even thought of that. Lelouch thinks of everything_. “I bet Zero didn’t even take that into consideration,” Suzaku growled, automatically thinking the worst of the masked terrorist. Something cracked in Suzaku’s chest, hitting a little too close to home. (He hadn’t thought about the consequences of killing his father, he’d just done it, and now look at what he’d had to carry—)

Lelouch’s body twitched against his, but Suzaku was too riled up to take much notice.

“I disagree,” Lelouch argued logically. “The fact that he only targeted soldiers makes me think that Zero cares about civilian lives. It seems that he calculated his plan very precisely.” Lelouch’s eyes were oddly grave.

Suzaku kept glaring. “You sound like you admire the man. Do you approve of him?”

“I…that is, I…” Lelouch said hesitantly, swallowing and looking conflicted. After a deep breath, he softly explained with heartfelt approval, “Zero saved your life.” His eyes glinted at the reminder. “I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.”

Glare deepening, Suzaku shifted on the bed. He remembered why arguing with Lelouch was pointless; the Britannian always had to have the last word. It exasperated Suzaku that the person he loved the most actually liked Zero. It almost felt a bit like Lelouch was endorsing his pain. It felt like betrayal. (He’d betrayed his own blood, he knew what treachery felt like all-around—)

“Still,” Lelouch said searchingly, “I’m not seeing the connection. You’re mad at Zero, so you let yourself be bullied?”

Saying nothing, Suzaku lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug. _Zero needs to be punished for his sins. I need to punish those deserving of punishment. I—_

Face scrunching with frustration, Lelouch admitted gruffly, “I don’t understand how this all adds up. I’m trying, Suzaku. I’m really trying.”

“I know you are,” Suzaku said quickly. “And I love you for it. But really, Lelouch, you don’t need to waste any more time on me.” _You’re digging too deep now, getting too close_. Familiar fear raced icily down his spine. _Bringing up Zero should have been enough to satisfy you_.

Indignant anger flashed in Lelouch’s eyes; the long day had obviously affected his self-control as well, because Suzaku could tell that his prince had been holding back. “I’m not _wasting time_ , Suzaku,” Lelouch griped, harshly snapping shut his laptop with his foot.

Nose wrinkling, Suzaku sighed into the sudden, abrupt silence, “This whole conversation is a waste of time, Lelouch.” With that, he deemed their talk over and buried his face again in his boyfriend’s chest. **_I’m_** _a waste of time and space, Lelouch. Every time I start to forget that and think otherwise, something reminds me._

Ignoring Lelouch’s protests, Suzaku didn’t lift his head the rest of the night.

He didn’t sleep.

-+-

_Cracked_

-+-


	15. Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suzaku breaks. Lelouch is there to pick up the pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented, left kudos, started following my Tumblr, etc.
> 
> Note: I went back and fixed a lot of the epithets in earlier chapters, so at least the story isn't _completely_ riddled with them anymore. I left a few. So sue me. ~~It was hilarious watching my word count go down, though.~~
> 
> Thanks especially to Milka121, Kurainosousuke, and FMAohshc92 for looking over this chapter prior to posting.
> 
>  
> 
> ~~Despite advice not to split this chapter further, I again broke this into two updates for easier reading installments. Um, no one is going to complain about an extra chapter of pure porn after this, right?~~
> 
>  
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, VIOLENCE, AND OFFENSIVE SLURS AND LANGUAGE. This chapter is all angst and pain, not happy-go-lucky lovey relationship stuff.

“Jesus Fucking _Christ_ , are you _still_ here?” complained Synclair Worth with an exaggerated eye roll, crossing his arms and towering over Suzaku on the paved running track. The late morning sun beat down mercilessly, causing heat waves to bend the stuffy air into rippled distortions that reflected Suzaku’s generally warped circumstances lately. Circling his huddled target like a predator, Synclair demanded, “Didn’t you learn your lesson yesterday?”

Suzaku started to stagger to his feet without answering, but he didn’t get far before the lead bully kicked him in the back of his knees and sent him sprawling again. The hot pavement burned his cheek and the palms of his hands, the pain made worse by the tiny stones digging into his skin. In the heat of the moment, Suzaku regretted refusing Lelouch’s bright suggestion earlier to ‘kill Synclair Worth’ as their plan for the day. To be fair, he’d also refuted Lelouch’s ideas of spending time with their friends, doing more homework, and even going on a much-needed date. Hindsight was just not Suzaku’s friend. (He should have found another way to deal with his father—)

Synclair stomped on Suzaku’s back, pinning him to the ground and re-earning his attention with a bang. “Well?” the bully snapped impatiently.

“No,” Suzaku coughed, the hot fumes from the asphalt making his head swim. Everything felt fuzzy, and not in the good way. “I never learn my lesson.” (He’d thought he’d learned after the patricide, but considering all his mistakes and wrongdoings since then—)

“Good thing I never get tired of teaching,” quipped the bully, digging his heel further into the small of Suzaku’s back. “Do you get it _now_ , you worthless fucking Eleven?”

Suzaku was a human incarnate of a dying battery now, drained of all kinds of energy as he sighed out the last of his caring. Even before Synclair Worth had stumbled upon him, Suzaku had uncharacteristically lurched his way through two laps around the track with slowing footsteps and gasping breaths. He’d looked up to find Lelouch watching him from the bleachers with that unchanging expression of concern, and Suzaku had looked down and run away from it. The trouble with the rounded track loop was that sooner rather than later, Suzaku was jogging back towards Lelouch and back towards the problems he couldn’t shake no matter how hard he pushed himself. And sometimes, like with Synclair Worth, Suzaku’s problems just found him no matter what.

Kicking the Japanese teen’s side, his foot inadvertently smashing right where Suzaku had been hurt at Lake Kawaguchi all those months ago, Synclair Worth ordered, “Answer me when I fucking talk to you, Eleven!”

With another heavy exhale, Suzaku lifted his head. His eyes landed on Lelouch in front of the bleachers, struggling to escape Corbin Dixon’s harsh grip; sudden clarity swept away the apathetic haziness in Suzaku’s mind like a strong breeze carrying off the pungent stench of rotting bodies lying undisturbed for days under the sun. New life suddenly flooded Suzaku’s limbs, recharging him with focused purpose. Pure, unadulterated rage flowed through Suzaku as he unthinkingly bucked his own harasser off of him and streaked to his boyfriend’s side.  Every second felt like a century as his legs ate up the distance, watching as how in typical Britannian fashion, the stronger bully never released his boyfriend.

“Watch that tongue of yours, Lamperouge,” Corbin was barking as Suzaku raced closer, backing Lelouch up against the bleachers threateningly, cornering the more delicate teen and keeping him restrained by the wrist.

Lelouch was fuming, his mouth open in a snarl, his eye flashing scarlet—

—but Suzaku was suddenly there, seeing red himself, squeezing Corbin’s forearm so tight that he dropped Lelouch’s wrist. “Don’t ever _touch_ him,” the Japanese boy roared, pushing the bully away and slipping into a defensive stance in front of Lelouch. “You’ll regret it if you do.”

Synclair followed on pounding feet, panting for air as he reached them long moments after Suzaku. “What’s going on?” he asked the other elitist Britannian teen.

Corbin glared murder at Suzaku and slowly shook his head. “The Eleven’s just getting in my way,” he hissed. He rubbed at his wrist and took a step back, sneaking a quick glance at Lelouch behind Suzaku as he did.

Nodding, Synclair stepped up beside his fellow nationalist, shoulder to shoulder. “Then beat the fucker,” he advised lightly, grinding a pebble to dust beneath his shoe. “Sometimes upstarts need to be reminded that their place is at the bottom.”

Suzaku tensed but otherwise didn’t react. Was this seriously how his and Lelouch’s cherished half-date was going to end? While dragging himself out of bed and accompanying Lelouch outside for some fresh air had felt like a chore at first, now that it was at stake he wanted nothing more but to relish the experience. This was _their time_ , dammit, and it shouldn’t be ruined by the likes of prejudiced assholes. They— _Lelouch_ deserved better. (His father deserved better—)

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Corbin said smoothly, licking his lips and checking his watch as he subtly sneaked a glance at Suzaku’s fist. He looked ultimately unimpressed but wary enough to decide, “I should go for now. Farrell’s waiting on my help to organize some new baseball equipment in the gym storage, and I’m already late.”

Synclair nodded again, smiling like a normal high school student instead of a psychopath. “You’re a good man, dude,” he chuckled.

With a flippant shrug, Corbin said, “Farrell is my best friend, and best friends always help each other out.” He eyed Lelouch and Suzaku suspiciously and muttered almost under his breath, “Isn’t that right?”

Suzaku breathed a silent sigh of relief, just as he always did whenever a battle ended. His adrenaline rush was wearing off, but at least conditions were improving with a retreating enemy. There was no logical reason why, but these high school bullies unnerved Suzaku more than that armed pair of bank robbers from weeks past. He wanted them gone. He wanted _Lelouch_ safe… (His _father_ could never be safe again—)

The universe liked to screw with Suzaku. It was official. (As if Narita hadn’t made that blatantly clear—) Farrell Fox walked around the nearby gym corner at that moment, carrying a box of baseball bats and gloves. Catching sight of the current stand-off, he switched direction and walked over to the group instead of heading inside. An unexpected reinforcement.

“Hey, man,” Corbin said with a casual wave as his best friend strolled up. “I was just on my way to help you.”

Farrell shrugged his forgiveness, dropping his heavy box with a thud. “It’s cool.” He eyed Lelouch dubiously, glancing at Corbin with the slightest lift of an eyebrow.

Suzaku tensed again, anticipating trouble. Birds squawked from the top of the bleachers before flying away in a rush of feathers, as if they, too, could sense impending danger.

But Corbin did nothing except shake his head once, his azure eyes cold as they turned to Suzaku. Staring long and hard for a moment, he finally snapped out of nowhere, “What the hell is your fucking problem?!”

Suzaku immediately took a step back, bumping against a stalwart Lelouch in the process. The brief contact gave him strength.

“You’re the one with the problem,” Lelouch said calmly, controlled but for the fire in his eyes and voice. “What’s wrong, Dixon?”

Corbin blinked and looked at Lelouch with an almost-twisted expression. “You’re what’s wrong, Lamperouge!” he said, a surprising catch in his voice. “How dare you discredit me as good boyfriend material!” His eyes flicked again towards Suzaku, chips of burning ice shining with hatred, as he kicked a spray of dirt at the Eleven and twitched in irritation when there was no reaction whatsoever.

Farrell stepped up and jabbed Corbin lightly in the side, clearing his throat. “Focus, dude,” he muttered.

Swallowing thickly, Corbin gathered himself and said, “You and y-your Eleven dog, Lamperouge…”

Suzaku didn’t even register the slight, having been called much worse—especially by himself, in the past week. _Dixon looks genuinely upset_ , he noticed from behind an emotional wall, feeling a pang of pity towards the bully despite himself. Sometimes it took a hurting person to recognize like pain in another, and Dixon was filled to the brim with it. While it would never excuse his actions, Suzaku could relate. (He’d committed inexcusable crimes worse than—)

Lelouch tilted his head in clear confusion, automatically brushing the dirt off Suzaku’s workout clothes. “ _What_?”

Ignoring Farrell’s second elbow jab, Corbin continued, “You t-told Beck that she’d be happier without me!”

Jaw dropping in a silent gasp, Suzaku thought, _Oh_. He remembered that hallway conversation with Chloe Beck very vividly. Taking a brave step forward, he lifted a quivering chin and took the fall on autopilot. “Actually, Dixon,” he said, “it’s my fault.”

“You’re fucking right it’s your fault, you Eleven piece of shit!” Corbin roared. “It’s your fault I’m alone!”

Lelouch took another measured step forward. “That’s on you, Dixon,” he lectured. “Learn to treat people like human beings.”

There was a long moment of silence, where Corbin just stared at Lelouch with something between outrage and heartbreak.

Suzaku nodded his support of Lelouch’s advice, inwardly judging, _Maybe you shouldn’t have used Chloe for sex and then left her_. Then he made himself take a mental step back. _But then, we only got Chloe’s side. Maybe there’s more to their break-up. Or maybe Dixon did make a mistake, and he tried to make amends with Chloe afterwards and she wouldn’t give him a chance_. Suzaku swayed, feeling dizzy from this latest drama on top of lack of sleep and overdoing it. Things were too complicated. He could hardly focus on Corbin and Chloe’s relationship when he had his own with Lelouch on which to concentrate. Seeing Corbin so utterly distraught now, though, did raise questions and possibilities. _His feelings for her must’ve been deeper than he let on after all_. Suzaku couldn’t imagine losing Lelouch—but then, he could also never imagine treating Lelouch like Corbin had treated Chloe.

“It’s your choice,” Lelouch said after another few moments of tense quiet. “You have the means to change.”

Suzaku felt his heart swell with pride in his boyfriend. That was the right message. If only—

“I can’t change,” Corbin choked out, some of the ice in his eyes melting into a sheen of tears. “I’ve tried. There’s just no way.”

“Then if I was Chloe, I wouldn’t take you back either,” Lelouch said with a superior toss of his head.

With those words, at that judgment, Corbin _snapped_. Shrieking with pure fury, he charged Lelouch. Pushing past a stunned Suzaku with the strength of his rage, Corbin slammed a fist squarely into Lelouch’s cheek with the force of a bludgeon.

Lelouch crumpled backwards with a shrill screech, the back of his skull knocking the sharp edge of the bleachers.

Suzaku stared for a good two seconds with his thoughts swirling, having trouble processing what had just happened, before flinging himself to his knees by his splayed boyfriend’s side.

Synclair Worth squeaked and took a step back, sending a bemused glance at his previous ally. “Dude,” he whispered, sounding conflicted in the background.

Farrell Fox had a slightly unsure look on his face, but he didn’t say a word as he moved to stand by Corbin’s shoulder.

Corbin himself looked thunderstruck, and he glanced many times between his own fist and Lelouch on the ground as if he couldn’t believe his own daring. “Le—Lamperouge,” he stuttered, belatedly lowering his fist.

Pressing a hand to his swelling cheek, Lelouch blinked twice in a stupefied daze. He groaned in pain and cradled the side of his face, wincing and squinting up at the late morning sky. “Damn,” he cursed gruffly, taking in quick gulps of air.

Consumed by guilt and shame, Suzaku choked out his boyfriend’s name and gasped, “I—I’m so—sorry I’m so worthless.” He’d been _right there_ , close enough to intercept Corbin’s attack, and yet he hadn’t reacted in time. His supposedly legendary reflexes were subpar even this morning on the track, and now more than ever Suzaku felt like he was moving underwater in the icy darkness. How could he have _let this happen_?!

“Ain’t that the truth,” Synclair Worth said shakily, still looking a little alarmed at what had transpired.

Casting a glare at Suzaku, Farrell regained some confidence and sneered, “You _are_ pretty useless. Aren’t you supposed to be his guard dog or something?” Never mind that months ago at the ice-cream parlor, Suzaku and Lelouch had been mocked for reverse roles. Anything they did could and would be used against them. Nudging his sports equipment box, Farrell said, “These baseball bats are better tools than even you turned out to be! At least _they_ get the job done.”

His words rang in Suzaku’s ears, a confirmation of his fear—as if the proof wasn’t right in front of him, groaning in pain and reminding Suzaku that he hadn’t been quick enough. Just like he hadn’t been fast enough to save the soldiers at Narita, or the innocents at Shinjuku, or— _What if I’ll **never** be quick enough to save **anyone**?!_ Suzaku panicked, feeling his life’s purpose flow away like blood out a wound. The fear coiled his insides tighter as he berated himself, _I’m no good if I can’t protect anyone, **especially** Lelouch!_

Corbin loomed over Lelouch and Suzaku on the ground, seemingly having come to terms with his violent outburst. “At least the Eleven gets it!” he snorted, sounding like a snuffling dog himself. “Lamperouge, you turned out lame in the end. What a disappointment.”

“Su—Suzaku…” Lelouch moaned around mouthfuls of fresh air, ignoring the bullies and tilting his injured face towards the brunet’s direction.

At the name, Corbin’s face turned livid as he followed Lelouch’s gaze and hissed, “But no matter what, _you’re_ still worse, you dirty Eleven!”

Again, Lelouch sighed Suzaku’s name as if it was the only thing on his mind. It probably was.

Then, there was only a second’s warning before two critical blows happened simultaneously:

His face more incensed than ever, Corbin kicked Lelouch in the balls.

While he shouted at Suzaku, spittle flying, “Why don’t you _fucking kill yourself_ like your father, you worthless dick?!”

Lelouch let out a bloodcurdling scream as he grasped his groin and rolled over, curling into a fetal position as his shriek tapered into agonized whimpers.

While Suzaku dropped to all fours in purely reactive horror, the last of his strings cut, his thoughts whirling in freefall, his own cry getting caught in his throat, and his world crashing around him. Finally broken.

-+-

Lelouch vomited all over Corbin Dixon’s shoes before slipping into a stupor. Aside from his groin feeling on fire, his head was pounding and the abdominal pain was crippling from the inside out; he was caught between two instincts of writhing in agony or staying completely still because movement only exacerbated the pain. He trembled, and tears slipped unbidden from the corners of his eyes to mix with the cold sweat on his face. His world narrowed to his own body, even as Corbin’s last words wriggled through the haze and circled relentlessly in the backdrop of his mind.

_…fucking kill yourself like your father…kill yourself…like your father…_

It was a long time before Lelouch could attach _meaning_ to that disparaging set of sounds, but some intuitive part of him had latched on to the affront for future analysis. It took even longer for him to connect the venomous words to _Suzaku_. Lelouch trembled harder, hugging his stomach tighter and wishing all his misery onto Dixon. _How dare he_ , Lelouch seethed. _How dare Dixon say such hateful words to my boyfriend **and** kick me in the balls? What a monster. Even **I** don’t resort to cheap tricks like **that** as Zero_. Then again, Zero was a knight for justice; he had honor. Somewhat. Lelouch took pride in that.

His pulse gradually slowing, Lelouch rode out the waves of intense pain radiating from his crotch with gritted teeth and bruised dignity. Once he felt capable of moving, long minutes after the sun had inched past the midpoint of the sky, he tested the waters and carefully climbed to his feet. He swayed, feeling dizzy and disoriented, before catching himself on the burning metal bleachers; a searing heat now raced through his fingertips, motivating Lelouch to use the bleachers for support only as long as he could stand. There was a dull pain in his cheek where he’d been punched, but it was hardly noticeable next to the vicious agony of having his nuts crushed. The universe was cruel and unjust—Lelouch had learned that first when his mother had died—and he sure as hell didn’t need the reminder as every part of his body seemed destined to be attacked by affliction. Forcing himself to think positive and look at all the facts, Lelouch briefly gave thanks that at least his legs were unharmed. It took a few moments for his blurred vision to straighten out, and he had to blink several times to make sure he wasn’t still seeing things. The bullies were gone.

Suzaku, however, was crouched on the ground, looking as traumatized as a child in a warzone—and Lelouch remembered all too clearly what Suzaku had looked like as they’d trudged through heaps of corpses seven years ago, each step a victory in its own right. Seeing Suzaku’s shattered expression felt like a mental kick to the groin as Lelouch lurched to his boyfriend’s side. Collapsing to his knees, he weakly managed between puffs of air, “Su…Suzaku?” His fingers curled into a fist, and more than ever Lelouch wanted to _end_ the source of Suzaku’s torment.

Preferably with his trademark explosions triggered by remote buttons.

After several low calls of his name, Suzaku lifted his head and stared at Lelouch with dead eyes.

Lelouch swallowed, feeling overwhelmed as he considered various actions he could take, his own pain forgotten. Purposefully shoved aside.

Suzaku shuddered and vacantly rubbed at his splotchy cheeks. “Le…louch…” he croaked. The clouds covered the sun, dimming some of the pervasive brightness as Suzaku’s tears slid faster now, some clinging to his eyelashes.

It was natural and out of Lelouch’s control, even with the power of Geass. This was a delicate situation, and there was no clear path to success. Given the circumstances, Lelouch didn’t like his odds. Not when Suzaku was on the line. Clearing his throat, Lelouch pushed through the black spots in front of his eyes and settled on, “What can I do?” It was plainly obvious that Suzaku _wasn’t_ okay, so there was nothing to be gained by asking.

“Nothing,” Suzaku whispered raggedly, still partly lost in his own head. “It’s not as bad as you think, Lelouch.”

Swallowing thickly, Lelouch pointed out, “I’ve never seen you like _this_.” His stomach roiled with more nausea, but he was able to keep it down through sheer will.

“Stop,” Suzaku pleaded. He glanced around nervously like a hunted convict, probably scoping out the area for the other students who needed to hear that directive.

Lelouch followed his lead and also checked again, just to be sure. “The bastards fled,” he said flatly, trying to understand why. _They had us completely at their mercy, and they ran away instead of pressing their advantage_. Lelouch’s eyes widened as he was shaken by a groundbreaking realization _. Or maybe they just left because they achieved their goal. What else would they do, kill us? They’re just simple high school students_. Murder was unlikely given the nature of the persecutors, rendering the bullies themselves no cause for alarm. Rather, it was rattling that life as Zero was affecting Lelouch’s outlook, his brain now wired to anticipate the worst conceivable attack. _I need to take a step back_ , he coached himself with some more deep breaths. _I’m blowing things out of proportion_. Except for this whole thing with Suzaku; Lelouch’s worry over the disturbing details there could not _possibly_ be over-exaggerated. Or unwarranted.

“So we’re alone,” Suzaku said, buckling boneless to the ground. He rested his forehead on the sparse grass and pebbles under the bleachers. “I’m alone.”

Lelouch’s face tightened in a frown, his eyebrows drawing together. “You’re not alone, Suzaku,” he said, nudging his boyfriend lightly with his elbow. The movement jostled his pain receptors into action again, but he didn’t care. It was for Suzaku. “You have me.”

Suzaku’s shoulder blades lifted in what might have been a shrug. “Doesn’t matter. I just need to…”

Lelouch leaned closer. “To what?”

Suzaku pressed his entire face completely against the ground. Though muffled, his answer was unmistakable: “Die.”

Lelouch jerked back as if struck, his pale face twisting with despair and apprehension. “No,” he murmured, his voice sounding as shattered as Suzaku’s psyche. Lelouch wet his lips, opened his mouth, closed it, and tried a few more times to say _something_. After the clues from last night, he’d feared something like this was coming—but Lelouch still wasn’t prepared to handle the toxic situation. _What do I say? What if I say the wrong thing?!_ He couldn’t find the right words, dammit! He _always_ had the right words. But now… And the stakes here were higher than mere romantic rejection! Inhaling sharply, Lelouch reached out and grabbed Suzaku by the upper arm, as if that would keep him there and alive, like he’d tethered Suzaku to the roof last night. “No!” Lelouch wheezed, feeling dizzy all over again at where this was headed. “Suzaku, you can’t…”

With a hapless shrug, Suzaku lifted his head slightly and said, “It’s what they want.”

“Who cares what they—”

“—It’s what _I_ want,” Suzaku added weakly, talking more to the dirt under his hands than to Lelouch. “I don’t want to cause any more trouble.”

Face setting in a scowl, Lelouch shifted closer and said vehemently, “You’re not causing trouble, Suzaku!” It was always that same damned line, and Lelouch wanted to eradicate it almost as much as he wanted to obliterate Britannia. Wetness pooled again in his eyes, and Lelouch barely noticed, didn’t care anyway. Fuck image. Suzaku was falling apart.

“You don’t have to lie,” Suzaku said with a sniffle, closing his eyes against the world.

Lelouch shook him gently by the arm, voice cracking as he ordered, “I’m not—you don’t need to—please! Just live! LIVE! Suzaku, you _must_ live!” The words didn’t feel like enough, but they were all Lelouch could offer in his distressed state. While he could normally keep his head in a crisis, seeing Suzaku so disturbed tore Lelouch apart and scrambled his brain. A cool wind swept across their tearstained faces, reminding Lelouch that they were exposed and vulnerable on the Ashford grounds. “Come on, Suzaku…”

With a jerky shake of his head, Suzaku opened his eyes. “I’m too tired, Lelouch.” He eyeballed the bleachers speculatively.

“I’ll help you,” Lelouch insisted.

“I meant too tired to live,” Suzaku clarified tonelessly, fingers digging further into the dirt as if he wanted to unearth a grave as a new home.

Face hardening with resolve, his heart skipping a beat because— _Suzaku_ , Lelouch repeated, “I’ll _help_ you.” He tugged again at Suzaku’s arm, never giving up. If there was one thing Lelouch truly prided himself on, it was persisting on attending to his priorities.

With a heavy sigh, Suzaku listened and clambered to his feet, leaning on Lelouch for support. “How?” he whispered, apparently letting himself be lead out of all kinds of looping circles.

“For starters,” Lelouch said, wobbling under the weight as he planned his opening move, “let’s go somewhere private to clean up and talk.” They left the rounded track behind them, moving at a slow yet steady pace. The somewhat muted pain lingered, ready to flare up at any second. “Where do you feel safest?”

Suzaku didn’t even need a moment to think. “Your room,” he said, curling further into Lelouch’s side.

Lelouch nodded, as if he’d already predicted that conclusion, as they came upon a more crowded area of the school grounds near the regular student dorms. “To _our_ room then,” Lelouch said gently, hugging his broken boyfriend once more and stepping away before their cover could be potentially smashed. His stomach cramped at the possibilities. “Let’s go.”

-+-

Suzaku felt raked over the coals.

Like he was trapped in a nightmare, Suzaku mindlessly trailed after Lelouch on a kitchen detour to grab some ice packs and water, wishing he was anywhere else. He retracted that thought as they visited the bathroom first aid cabinet, remembering some of the worse horrors he’d survived, and obediently washed the dirt and stones from his hands and face under Lelouch’s careful direction. They attended to each other’s minor injuries in an uncomfortable silence before holing up in their safe zone, slightly more prepared to deal with the emotional damage now that a fraction of the physical harm had been treated. The mechanical doctoring gave them both time to think instead of launching into a sensitive conversation unprepared.

Not that it helped _much_ ; Suzaku couldn’t think even one step ahead. There was too much suffocating darkness, too much pressure holding him down. He blearily noticed Lelouch knock back some painkillers, kick off his shoes, and wriggle out of his jeans; with a loud groan of relief, Lelouch collapsed onto his bedroom couch, his slender legs automatically spreading. Suzaku couldn’t even get excited at the sight.

“So…” Lelouch began, his face furrowing in a myriad of conflicted expressions—fear, anger, confusion, empathy, determination. He rested his bruised cheek on a soft ice pack pillow, his head tilted towards Suzaku in a contemplative frown. Though he was lying flat on his back, he noticeably squared his shoulders and wasted no time in probing the heart of the matter. Delicately placing another ice pack right on his clothed crotch, he asked a little too evenly, “Death?”

Suzaku looked away and nodded once, but it was enough. “Yeah.” Lifting and adjusting Lelouch’s feet, he sank slowly into the couch cushions. He hardly registered their softness, his brain whirling in overdrive but devoted to more important matters. He rested his boyfriend’s feet in his lap and gently stroked them in comfort.

Lelouch was quiet for a long moment, obviously struggling for words as his mouth opened and closed several times. It was rare that he came across so emotionally speechless, and his reactionary silence screamed volumes. “I don’t understand,” Lelouch finally said, shakily moving the ice pack up and down his covered cock. “Is this because of your father?”

Suzaku jerked ramrod straight, breathing faster around the phantom dagger in his gut. _How does he know?!_ he panicked, though it was more a rush of incoherent fear bleeding from the imaginary incision point. He gulped down air, avoiding Lelouch’s eyes as he trembled and endured an unstoppable spill of tears. His hands let go of Lelouch’s feet and flew to cover his face instead, to hide the evidence. (Tohdoh-sensei had said he’d take care of everything. Suzaku could trust Tohdoh-sensei—)

Wriggling his bare feet in Suzaku’s lap, Lelouch must have remembered the bully’s blow since he interpreted softly, “Just because your father committed suicide doesn’t mean _you_ have to.”

Feeling like he’d had his legs kicked out from under him again, Suzaku took in another deep breath. Relief washed over him after a moment, as if he’d ejected from a precarious battle situation following a heavy hit.   _Lelouch doesn’t get it. He just thinks I want to follow in my father’s footsteps_. While it wasn’t ideal, it was still a better conclusion than the full, stark truth. _At least he doesn’t know…_ “Okay,” Suzaku managed aloud in a strangled tone, lowering his hands from his face only to clasp and unclasp them in the air repeatedly.

Lelouch reached out with one hand, the other still busy and still not drawing Suzaku’s attention. “But what got you thinking that you should…?”

Shrugging once, Suzaku ignored the invitation and mumbled, “It’s not important.”

“It is to me!” Lelouch pressed the ice pack harder against his injured privates in agitation, his other fingers still stretched towards Suzaku. Arthur shot out from under the bed at Lelouch’s raised, impassioned voice, and he pawed frantically at the closed door. Ignoring the trapped cat, Lelouch kept his gaze on Suzaku and asked, “Why is s-suicide your solution? You have to walk me through this step-by-step. I don’t understand how you reached your answer!”

Suzaku lowered his head until his bangs covered his eyes. “This isn’t a math problem,” he said tonelessly. “There’s no complicated process to arrive at a solution. It’s plain fact: _I’m_ not important, Lelouch.” Suzaku really hadn’t meant to say it so candidly, but having to repeat himself so many times lately to convince Lelouch of the sad truth had been wearing on his filter. It was too much to contain, and the barricaded emotion slammed his heart like a battering ram, splintering the door around the lock and leaving crude escape holes for some of the tinier confessions. At least he hadn’t squealed about his father or Narita. “I’m not important,” Suzaku said again slowly, as if realizing it anew.

“You are!” Lelouch said firmly, sitting up on his elbows. “I hear you saying that you’re not, for some reason I don’t understand yet, but you are. No matter what Synclair Worth or any _other_ bastard thinks.” He breathed out carefully through his nose and inched his open palm closer to Suzaku’s, wordlessly begging for touch but staying his hand before contact. “Why do you think you’re insignificant?”

Anger stirred in Suzaku’s abdomen as the incessant questioning kept needling his sore spots. “It doesn’t _matter!_ ”

Still waiting impatiently at the door, Arthur put back his ears and hissed his disapproval.

Lelouch finally withdrew his hand with a resigned sigh. “Okay,” he said, re-centering himself. He took a moment to fiddle with his ice pack, rubbing it sideways on his black bikini briefs for much-needed relief. “Let’s try this: What happened to make you so miserable?”

Suzaku turned his head away, lips clamped shut.

“Was it Britannia?” Lelouch asked after a moment before answering his own question. “Of course it was Britannia.”

Suzaku furiously shook his head. “No, Britannia has nothing to do—that is, uh,” he said, catching himself before letting slip the real reasons, “it doesn’t matter why I’m miserable either.”

Lelouch hummed and shifted triumphantly on the couch. “But you admit you’re miserable.”

Saying nothing, Suzaku resumed his staring contest with the floor. So far, the floor was winning because it didn’t keep losing to blink away more tears.

“Yes or no, Suzaku,” Lelouch prompted. “Use a gesture from our code if you can’t speak.”

Throat still tight, Suzaku signed their gesture for ‘yes’ before squeezing his eyes shut. He felt Arthur suddenly bat at his raised hand before hearing a small thud as the cat evidently landed back on the floor. Still waiting.

“Okay, we’re getting somewhere,” Lelouch said calmly. “This is good.”

Suzaku’s eyes popped open in surprise. “I tell you I’m miserable and you think it’s good,” he said, suddenly able to spout out a whole sentence in disbelief.

Lelouch shook his head in Suzaku’s peripheral vision and corrected, “I think it’s good that you’re being honest about your feelings finally. That we’re talking this through.”

Pulling his knees up to his chest, Suzaku rested a cheek against one knee and peered at Lelouch through the fringe of his bangs. “I’ll deal with it myself, Lelouch. You don’t need to get tangled up in my personal problems.”

“You’re my _boyfriend_ ,” Lelouch protested in explanation. Sensing that escape was futile, Arthur jumped to lay across the back of the couch. He overlooked both teens, letting out a small, rusty purr as his unblinking eyes took in everything like Factsphere sensors.

Suzaku shrugged, irrationally stung. “You’re not the problem, if that’s what you’re worried about. So therefore, it doesn’t concern you.”

Gritting his teeth, Lelouch clarified, “I’m _worried_ that the person I love feels so broken inside, and I don’t understand why. I don’t know how to help.” He switched his warm ice pack out for a colder one, always moving forward. No hesitation, despite any stings.

Suzaku hugged his bent legs tighter to his torso. Lelouch wanting the best for his loved ones, mixed with feeling out of his depth, was a recipe for disaster. But… “You can’t help, Lelouch. No one can.”

Lelouch scowled, fingers twitching mindlessly before playing the air like a piano scales warm-up. The practiced movement seemed to soothe him, as his next words somehow sounded the right shade of confident without being argumentative: “I _can_ if I know the root of the problem.” He looked to the ceiling, carefully keeping his eyes away out of respect for Suzaku’s modeled comfort as he hypothesized, “My _guess_ is that something happened with the military this past week, because you’ve been with them since we separated and you were fine last I saw you…” He tapped his fingers gently on his groin as he got lost in thought.

Again, Suzaku stayed silent. Again, he felt no pleasure from having his attention drawn to Lelouch’s crotch. Numb all over, Suzaku looked away again and idly noticed Lelouch’s chess board across the room, the pieces strewn everywhere in an unfinished battle.

“Okay,” Lelouch continued, playing the air-piano faster and making Arthur’s head pivot like a landspinner, “so something _did_ happen with the military.” He took a long sip of water before venturing, “Were you punished for running late for your mission last Friday?”

Cecile’s phone call the Morning After seemed like a lifetime away. “No,” Suzaku said simply, offering nothing more.

Not to be deterred, Lelouch kept on, his words flowing as gracefully as his drumming fingers. “Did your superior officers mistreat you because you’re Japanese? They finally broke your spirit and brainwashed you to believe their prejudiced lies?”

Suzaku shook his head, knowing that wasn’t the main issue presently even if it impacted everything in one way or another. “No.” In the back of his mind, he noticed that the white pieces outnumbered the black on Lelouch’s chess board, even as—in Suzaku’s admittedly distant vantage point—the black pieces seemed more strategically placed.

“Jury’s still out on that one,” Lelouch said with a strained chuckle, his fingers faltering in their elegant dance, “but we’ll come back to it. Was it—”

“I already _told_ you last night, Lelouch, it’s _Zero_. He upsets me,” Suzaku snapped, annoyed to action at the string of suggestions and well-practiced at keeping up his lies. His blood was heating at the thought of that man, but not in the enjoyable way like Lelouch stirred him— It took several seconds for Suzaku to pry open his jaw to keep talking, his teeth were grinding together so tightly. “Zero’s methods offend me. Everything about him is _trouble_.” (Everything about _me_ is trouble—)

Lelouch scowled and dropped both hands stiffly into his lap, startling Arthur above him on the couch. He squeezed the ice pack tightly with his inner thighs, keeping it in place as he tried to make sense of things using those wide, sweeping hand gestures that _normally_ tickled Suzaku like nothing else. “Zero is the reason you want to _die_? That doesn’t make any sense!” he said, reusing his argument from the previous night. “There’s no logical connection—”

“Don’t you get it, Lelouch?!” Suzaku shouted, his voice cracking with angry tears. “I’m worse than Zero, and look at how godawful _he_ is!” Starting to mimic his boyfriend’s movements, making Lelouch inch away slightly in alarm and Arthur jump safe to the floor, Suzaku kept yelling loudly enough that his voice stretched thin. “If that terrorist scumbag deserves a death sentence, what does that say about _me_?!” The spirit bled out of Suzaku as quickly as it had come, as suddenly as it had fled from Lelouch’s dancing fingers just moments ago. Sliding a bit down the couch cushions in defeat, Suzaku said snippily, “I’m worth _less_ than Zero!” (I’m _worthless_ —)

Staring at him in bewilderment, the atmosphere strained, Lelouch finally said, “We could start by concluding that Zero _doesn’t_ deserve the death sentence.” Arthur meowed.

Suzaku shook his head in disagreement, extra frustrated because his cat was _probably_ siding with his boyfriend. “He has a lot of lives to make up for, after what he pulled at Narita—”

“Enemy soldiers,” Lelouch interjected quickly. “Casualties of war.”

Suzaku fisted his hand. “There’s never any justification for taking a life—!” (Never—)

“Yet _you’re_ condemning _Zero_ to death?” Lelouch asked, clumsily pointing out Suzaku’s hypocrisy.

Suzaku bit his lip before answering slowly and unsurely, “There are rare exceptions.”

Shaking his head, black hair swinging, Lelouch said, “You just said _never_ —you know what?” He stopped himself, clearly gathering some lost self-control as he let out some steam. The melting ice pack leaked water onto his underwear, but Lelouch barely seemed to notice the sensation. Not that Suzaku noticed either. Then Lelouch sighed like he was letting go of the weight of the world. “I’m not going to argue with you about this. We’re getting off-topic anyway.” He took several deep breaths, muttering to himself as he counted to ten, first in Britannian and then in Japanese. “So Zero deserves to die because he’s, as you say, ‘godawful.’” With a scowl, he dropped the ice pack to the side of the couch with a thump. “What makes you worse than Zero, Suzaku, and thus deserving of a similar fate?”

Tired of the floor, Suzaku looked to the ceiling.

“That’s the real question, isn’t it?” Lelouch asked quietly. He cradled his crotch in his hand, focusing on the core problem.

The ceiling had as many answers as the floor—that is, zero.

“Suzaku, what did you do that—”

“I just don’t matter, Lelouch,” Suzaku cut in swiftly, sensing things were spiraling out of control. “That’s _all_.”

Lelouch groaned under his breath. “You do matter, but nothing I say is going to convince you otherwise, is it?” He gently rubbed damp, black fabric over his aching groin. Back and forth, but ultimately going nowhere.

Suzaku shrugged flippantly, taking everything in but feeling nothing. “I know the truth.” (Tohdoh-sensei had said no one could ever know the real truth. The adults were going to lie to protect him—)

“If you truly think you’re worthless, then you’re blinder than Nunnally,” Lelouch growled, digging his fingers into the couch cushions with his free hand as he tried to ground himself.

Shocked into outcry, absolutely horrified at the phrasing, Suzaku whipped his head around to stare at his boyfriend. “Lelouch!”

“I’m not sorry for that,” Lelouch said quickly, squeezing the cushions. “But I _am_ sorry for not noticing how bad things were until now,” he said, sounding a bit choked up but determined. “I mean, I’ve seen that you’ve tended to over-apologize and not stick up for yourself. I’ve seen you take the blame for things that aren’t your fault.” He inhaled deeply, perceptibly trying to shed light on some shadows. He wiped at the corner of his eye once, twice. “I just didn’t know how _much_ you… God, Suzaku, you really, truly _hate_ yourself?” Lelouch’s voice cracked deeper than the Narita Mountains split, and his fingers flexed weakly as he floundered again towards Suzaku.

With a slow nod at Lelouch’s basic summation—his stubborn prince _finally_ seemed to be getting it—Suzaku at last gave in and put his hand in Lelouch’s. At their feet, Arthur’s whiskers twitched in what might have been satisfaction. Skin tingling, Suzaku affirmed in a scratchy voice, “I’m worthless.”

“You’re worth _everything_ to _me_ ,” Lelouch said adamantly, reading Suzaku’s cues and edging closer to wrap him in a tight hug.

“Why?” Suzaku asked with a grim smile, his eyes still lackluster as he clutched Lelouch’s jacket and bent over to bury his face in his boyfriend’s chest. “ _That’s_ the real question.”

Lelouch stroked his hair. “If I list all your wonderful qualities, would you believe me?”

Suzaku burrowed closer, his silence telling.

Lelouch sighed again. “Then I’ll wait until you’re ready to listen. Just know this, Suzaku: I get insanely angry when you’re hurt or threatened.” He trembled with emotion. “I can’t stand it. It makes me so…” His voice tapered off with a menacing growl and he promised, “I will do _anything_ for you.”

“I know,” Suzaku sniffled, all the fight draining as he went limp in Lelouch’s arms, his voice muffled in his boyfriend’s jacket. “I’ll do anything for you, too.”

“Then love yourself,” Lelouch ordered, repeating his solemn words from yesterday. He pulled back and finally cupped Suzaku’s cheek, lifting his tear-stained face.

At the tender command, the final straw, Suzaku broke down completely. He couldn’t help himself. Silent tears poured down his face faster than ever as Suzaku tugged Lelouch into his lap with an _oof!_ , embracing him for all he was worth in the purest way. The only feelings welling up in Suzaku were despair and paralyzing fear at having a hidden yet significant layer of his heart suddenly exposed.

Lelouch shifted and cradled Suzaku in return, pressing Suzaku’s face into his neck. His groin was startlingly cold against Suzaku’s from the previous ice packs, but he never complained at their position despite how he could have been in pain. “Sh,” he comforted instead, murmuring directly into Suzaku’s ear, “I’ve got you. It’s okay, Suzaku. I’m going to help you.” Suzaku trembled as his prince kept whispering, “I’ll stay with you. I love you.” With those fervent words, he pressed his pinky against Suzaku’s in silent invitation.

Shoulders shaking, Suzaku completed their pinky promise and let everything out, let Lelouch hold him through it all. He felt ugly and self-conscious as choked sobs wracked his body, and he couldn’t control the embarrassingly high-pitched whines escaping his throat. His breath came in deep and shuddering gasps as he desperately clutched Lelouch, feeling that his lover was the only solid thing in existence. Arthur purred loudly and rubbed against his ankles, but Suzaku was in the middle of losing touch with the world to realize, too wrapped up in his grief and torment that he barely felt the pressure of Lelouch’s arms around him, only distantly sensed when the prince switched his hold and started rubbing his back instead. The bitter tears kept streaming out, and with a pang, Suzaku remembered the plethora of other times he’d been less than what his prince deserved. Basically _all the damn time_.

Lelouch’s warm weight was a reassuring reminder that he wasn’t going anywhere, and Suzaku felt his chest constrict. _I don’t deserve him, but I can’t make myself give him up_. He’d ached to be with Lelouch for days, but he’d never planned on sharing so much. He’d just wanted to soak up his lover’s rejuvenating presence like normal; he’d wanted Lelouch to do what Euphy had hintingly offered. Yet things had indeed spiraled out of control, and once the worst of the emotional outpour was over, Suzaku was surprised and encouraged by how his most beloved person was responding to his demons.

Still crying his heart out, Suzaku realized through a fog of feelings: _Lelouch always helps in his own way. Maybe I should keep trusting him…at least a little bit further_. Lelouch was more than a warm body for comfort, after all; he was Suzaku’s other half in every way. If anyone could truly understand and untangle the mess Suzaku had turned into, it would be Lelouch. While carefully deciding on which exact details to share—harder than normal because his thoughts were a jumbled mess, but Suzaku had miraculously beaten the odds before—he eventually ran out of tears. Lifting his head, feeling groggy and spent, Suzaku said hoarsely, “The mudslide.”

Lelouch blinked, taken aback. “What about the mudslide?” he asked cautiously.

“It’s all my fault,” Suzaku sniffled.

“ _What_?”

Suzaku hiccupped. “I should’ve been able to protect people—to save lives. But people died, Lelouch, and it’s all my fault.” _My father died, Lelouch, and it’s all my fault_.

Lelouch gripped his shoulders tightly, moving a bit on the soldier’s lap. “What are you talking about?” he asked incredulously. “Suzaku, you were in Shizuoka. You couldn’t possibly…”

Suzaku started crying harder again and shook his head, remembering, _That’s right. That’s what you believe, Lelouch_. _I’m an awful boyfriend for lying to you, but I had no choice. It was orders_.

“It’s _not_ your fault,” Lelouch said firmly.

“So because I failed,” Suzaku rasped as if Lelouch had said nothing, “I need to be punished…in every possible way…”

Lelouch gasped, evidently realizing the connection he’d missed before, and leaned down to rest his forehead against Suzaku’s. He was shaking in the brunet’s arms. “No,” he said weakly.  Arthur gently bit at his owner’s pants leg, as if even he understood the severity of Suzaku’s feelings and wanted to comfort him in his own way. Nothing penetrated the soldier’s focus.

“Yes. At least after all those p-people d-died in Sh-shinjuku,” Suzaku went on, voice hitching, “I was gonna g-get what I d-deserved. Until _Z-zero_ stepped in.”

Lelouch reeled back suddenly, purple eyes flaring. Unreadable emotion flickered across his expression. “Suzaku!” Shaking his head, Lelouch adamantly argued, “You _deserve_ to be safe and happy, nothing less.”

 _I deserve to die for my sins, but I’m too selfish. I have to settle for letting myself be hurt_ , Suzaku inwardly cried, though it was absolutely impossible to get the words out now. His chest felt tight with sadness and anxiety, but some of the pressure seemed to ease when he gazed into Lelouch’s worried eyes. He felt the slightest bit calmer. “Happy? Lelouch, I told you the truth yesterday,” he mumbled, clinging to his boyfriend forcefully. “I _am_ happy when I’m with _you_.”

“ _Suzaku_.”

“ _Lelouch_.”

Shivering hard, Lelouch pressed himself tighter against Suzaku. He lightly started to kiss away Suzaku’s tears, his lips whisper-soft on Suzaku’s cheeks. Sighing, Suzaku tilted his head back for a real kiss, and Lelouch obliged with a broken groan. He held the brunet’s face in his hands and kissed him thoroughly, giving Suzaku all the love he needed. He pulled back slowly, letting his boyfriend breathe, and softly stared into Suzaku’s eyes. A warm, newfound peace settled over the room, almost tangible in the air between them.

“That was,” Suzaku said raggedly, “that was…I feel a _tiny_ bit better.” With Lelouch’s dedicated attention, Suzaku felt stronger and more capable of facing just about everything—even Zero, as impossible as it seemed. That was just the magic of Lelouch’s power. Suzaku sighed again. His unchecked feelings always left his logic muddled; he felt slower than usual. At the same time, he felt a little lighter, as if he’d shed part of a weight he’d been burdening himself with for years upon years. He breathed in fresh air, feeling like a storm had passed. _I knew Lelouch would help_. Then he held his prince tighter. “I needed this.”

Lelouch chuckled quietly. “I’m glad.” His face sobered. “I think, Suzaku, that we’ve got a long way to go with this, but don’t worry. I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“I’ve never…actually _tried_ to kill myself…” Suzaku felt the need to say, anticipating what Lelouch might wonder. _At least, not actively. Not since you came back into my life._ It was all Suzaku could do to squeeze out the words he’d managed, let alone expand on more trauma.

Lelouch nodded in relief. “I’m glad, and that’s at least something. Though I want you to be happy enough where you don’t _consider_ killing yourself either,” he said. His face softened wistfully. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Have a better life?” Suzaku suggested weakly.

Lelouch shook his head. “Doubtful. I’d be alone for sure.”

Suzaku snorted wetly. “Shirley or one of your fangirls—”

“Don’t matter,” Lelouch interjected confidently. “Only you matter, Suzaku.”

Squirming in pleased embarrassment, Suzaku said, “I’ll _try_ to believe that, but…”

Lelouch evidently took the wriggling as a signal to move as he pushed back on Suzaku’s arms and slid off and away to grab some tissues. His legs were wobbly, but he stood on his own—like Suzaku would someday. Inspiring. “I’m sorry,” Lelouch said at length, almost diffidently. “I didn’t mean to _force_ you to…”

Suzaku shook his head and blew his nose. “No, I’m…glad you pushed this time.” He mopped at his eyes. “I feel…we really…”

“Connected?” suggested Lelouch.

Suzaku nodded and smiled weakly. “Yeah. This really opened my eyes.” His insides felt raw. At the same time, he felt closer to Lelouch than ever; opening up to his lover about some of his deep, buried pain had tied them together stronger than sex. Their relationship was constantly evolving, deepening. Taking another leap of faith, Suzaku opened his arms and shared, “Before, I was afraid that when I broke, you’d throw away the pieces…”

“No, never,” Lelouch said, clambering back into Suzaku’s lap on his own. He gestured grandly to where Suzaku now knew that he kept the broken plate keepsake of his mother in his dresser drawer. “For your own sake, I’ll superglue you back together into my boyfriend. But no matter what, I’ll treasure you more than ever.” Hadn’t he already proven so? Lelouch was the real gem.

“Even with all my flaws on display?” Suzaku asked faintly, tapping his foot. His hands slid up and down Lelouch’s back, following the knobs of his spine with intense concentration for a motion that should have been mindless.

Lelouch shrugged with an encouraging smirk. “Your shortcomings add character.”

“How are you so perfect?” Suzaku asked, his body going lax with relief and contentment.

Chuckling, Lelouch leant in and whispered conspiratorially, “I have my faults, too. Don’t tell anyone.”

Suzaku joked back, his heart soaring at their common and easygoing banter, “It can be our secret.”

“Good, I trust you.” Lelouch’s violet eyes seemed brighter than before, maybe reflecting Suzaku’s own.

A rush of love welled up in Suzaku, washing over the old wounds. They still smarted, but in time, they would heal. Suzaku believed in Lelouch, and in what they had together. “I trust you, too.”

“I love you,” Lelouch said again. Such familiar words, yet they took on a more significant weight, feeling new and fresh with their intensity, seeming more real for being said from a place of clearer perspective.

Suzaku’s smile strengthened as he responded in turn, “I love you, too, my prince.” He detachedly reached down to rub behind his loyal cat’s ears, and the simple touch helped him relax a little more. The room looked a little brighter, felt a little safer. His heart beat a little stronger.

Lelouch blushed slightly at the endearment. “Is there anything else you want to get off your chest?”

“Definitely not you,” Suzaku kidded with a cheeky grin, a portion of his sadness now transformed instead of covered.

“You’re funny,” Lelouch said dryly, his face flat but for the gleam in his eye. “Good. What do you want to, uh, do now?” He shifted left to right, back to center.

Suzaku cocked his head thoughtfully. “Well…”

Moving full-speed ahead, Lelouch said, “I know you’re drained, but think of something we can do together.” He swallowed and cinched his title of ‘best boyfriend.’ “I don’t want you to be alone right now, Suzaku.”

His chest warming, Suzaku said, “I’m never alone, Lelouch. You’re always in my heart.”

Immediately, Lelouch slapped a palm over his face in acute embarrassment. “I’m going to let you get away with that cheesy line _this_ time, considering.”

Suzaku smiled from the depths of his heart and said softly, “I’m forever grateful, Your Majesty.” He knew Lelouch would understand the deeper meaning to his thanks; their ‘reading each other’ dynamic went both ways.

Lelouch smiled in true understanding, leaning down for a quick kiss. “There’s my Suzaku. Now that we’ve come this far, do you want to…”

-+-

“I don’t want to do this,” Suzaku whispered anxiously, staring at his prince’s reflection. They were standing in front of Lelouch’s full-length mirror, Suzaku’s body visibly taut with stress while his romantic counterpart was gracefully slouched. The lights were blazing above them, illuminating everything, making the air a little hot. It was uncomfortable. A fully-clothed Lelouch stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Suzaku from behind, pressing his front flush against the Japanese teen’s back. He hooked his chin over Suzaku’s shoulder, and purple eyes met green in the glass. Suzaku swallowed nervously at the intense look in them, even as his hands came up to hold his lover’s arms in place. “Please, Lelouch…”

Frowning faintly, looking a bit conflicted but obviously determined, Lelouch shushed him gently and pressed their cheeks together. “Suzaku,” he said deeply, his voice washing over the brunet and putting him at ease, “I know it’s hard, but I think this is important. For your own ultimate wellbeing.” His intentions were pure, and his face was filled with resolve to help his suffering boyfriend. Lelouch always knew _when_ and how to push for the most effective results, even if the process to get there was painful. Like now. Suzaku had already unwittingly taken the first step with his emotional breakdown, leaving the door to his vulnerabilities open. It was smart to take advantage of this rare opportunity and press inside before his walls built up again, thicker than ever.

Suzaku _knew_ Lelouch had a point, but the idea was just plain terrifying. He’d spent almost half a lifetime suppressing his problems, and to face them now, even with Lelouch at his back... Suzaku partly wanted to confront his issues with his boyfriend’s support rather than alone, but more than that, he didn’t want Lelouch to see the true depths of his darkness. It was emotional survival instinct.

“Do you disagree?” Lelouch asked softly, his voice a beacon in the night.

Swallowing down the automatic ‘I do,’ Suzaku changed tracks. “N-no,” he said, still unsure but willing to put himself in his boyfriend’s hands regardless. “It’s just…unbearable.”

“Even with me here?”

“ _Especially_ with you here!” Suzaku leaned back into Lelouch’s hold.

Lelouch tightened his arms, making his point. “Suzaku, I’m not running. No matter what.”

Suzaku snorted, lifting an eyebrow. “You never do.”

Lelouch frowned thoughtfully at their reflections in the mirror. “I know. I face problems.”

“I meant you were out-of-shape,” Suzaku quipped casually, trying to ignore the heaviness in his stomach.

Lelouch shook his head fondly, rubbing their cheeks together in the process. “Again, you’re lucky I’m going to let that slide.” Grinning with his trademark confidence, he glided his palms up and down Suzaku’s chest, the light pressure almost ticklish. “I like that you’re feeling better enough to joke around with me.”

Suzaku shrugged, shifting in Lelouch’s arms. “I didn’t even mean to. It just slipped out.”

Mirroring Suzaku’s shrug, Lelouch said, “As long as you’re comfortable with me.”

Suzaku met violet eyes again in the glass. “You’re my soulmate, Lelouch.”

Biting his lip, purple eyes dancing, Lelouch snickered. “You’re milking my leniency.” With a mischievous smirk, he kissed Suzaku’s Adam’s apple, scraping his teeth the tiniest bit just as Suzaku liked. When he pulled back, his face was all business. “Fine, so you’re saying I’m best-suited to help you. Then do you truly want to step away,” he asked, loosening his hold, “or are you comfortable digging for the root of the problem with me?”

Taking a shuddering breath, Suzaku decided to journey the hard road at least a _little_. Lelouch would be with him every step of the way—and with Lelouch, the future seemed possible. Suzaku knew he could always stop if he felt stretched too far, and he trusted Lelouch would respect that. They both knew each other’s limits, and they both knew they hadn’t yet reached Suzaku’s. The brunet was depressed and afraid, but he was still coping. They could push a bit further. Face hardening with matching resolve, Suzaku said, “I want to try with you, but no promises.”

“Fair enough,” Lelouch said, squeezing Suzaku closer again. “Then look in the mirror and tell me what you see,” he urged tenderly. There were a few moments of silence where he let Suzaku process things.

Suzaku twitched, his mind flashing with an image of his father’s bloodied corpse. But was that really the beginning? So many dominoes had fallen leading up to that turning point.

Lelouch cradled him tighter in response, crooning, “I’ve got you, Suzaku, so bear with me.” His eyes were downright pleading in the mirror. Lelouch vi Britannia _never_ begged.

Steeling his nerves, Suzaku shared, “I see a perfect person wasting his time on a disgraceful lowlife.” _And that’s putting it mildly_.

Raising an eyebrow, Lelouch chuckled, voice strained, and pressed their faces tighter together. “I’ll try to be less of a disgraceful lowlife,” he joked wryly.

Suzaku let out a breath at his lover’s weak attempt to lighten the mood. _You **know** that’s not what I meant._ “Lelouch…”

“Sorry.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Touché.”

Suzaku sighed again, smiling feebly. Lelouch always managed to get to him in the end; he was sure Lelouch was counting that weak smile as a victory. Still nervous and not _entirely_ sure of his decision, he stalled and asked, “Why are we doing this again?”

Lelouch hugged him tighter and pressed a quick kiss under his chin. “Because I want to understand. You.”

Shivering, Suzaku leaned his head back on Lelouch’s shoulder. “I don’t see anything worthwhile when I look in the mirror, Lelouch,” he said, laying it all out there. “So this is pointless.”

Lelouch inhaled sharply and re-positioned his arms to wrap Suzaku in yet a snugger embrace. “That’s what I’m trying to understand, especially because that’s not what I see,” he said, softly yet urgently. His reflection’s eyes bore into Suzaku’s as he laid out, “When I look at you, I see someone strong and kind and worth living for. I see someone who gives his all in pursuit of making others happy, even at his own expense. I see someone determined to do right by a world that’s wronged him.” Turning, he nuzzled the soldier’s neck and concluded, “Suzaku, you’re brave and powerful, caring and thoughtful, and noble and selfless to a fault. In my eyes, you’re the closest to perfect I’ve come across in this rotten world.”

Suzaku felt new tears prick his eyes. _Not again_ , he scolded himself, feeling a fresh wave of self-consciousness. _I need to **stop** crying_. He pressed his wet face into Lelouch’s neck, his nerves thrumming. His heart thudded from Lelouch’s appraisal as he protested, _You don’t know, my prince. You don’t know what I’ve **done**_.

Lelouch’s left hand moved to press tightly against Suzaku’s rapidly thumping heart. “I love you,” he whispered in the vicinity of the brunet’s ear. The air around them was charged with emotion, and the confession felt more electric despite the multitude of times Lelouch had uttered those words already. ‘I love you’ would never grow stale. Sighing, Lelouch said, “I wouldn’t fall for someone unworthy, Suzaku.”

The soldier squashed his face closer into the prince’s neck, still attempting to hide.

Tilting his head further into Suzaku’s, Lelouch mused, “It’s interesting how we have two polar opposite perspectives when we look at the same person.”

Suzaku choked on a dry laugh, feeling uncomfortable at the scrutiny. “You mean Zero?” he asked, his voice slightly muffled in his boyfriend’s skin, intentionally misinterpreting the words. If _Lelouch_ could always do it…

Sucking in a breath, Lelouch allowed slowly, “That too.” Clearing his throat like he had something important to announce, he said, “Suzaku, about Zero—no, forget it.” His arms tightened impossibly around Suzaku, so close that Suzaku could feel the tremors running through them. “Let’s stay focused. Please help me understand, my knight. Why do you hate yourself so much?”

Suzaku slumped, too overcome with sadness and fear about himself to notice Lelouch’s odd behavior. _I can’t tell you the real reason!_ His throat felt as tight as his chest. “I’m just a horrible person overall,” Suzaku answered brokenly. “I’m reckless, childish, and violent.” _All factors contributing to my father’s murder_ , he determined. Sniffling, he kept listing, “I’m unreliable, dishonest, and pathetic.”

“ _No_.” Lelouch shifted and drove his left leg between Suzaku’s, causing the latter’s breath to hitch. The action mirrored how Lelouch was mentally squirming his way through the jagged holes in Suzaku’s emotional walls, the intangible intrusion leaving the brunet just as breathless as the physical. Eyebrows drawing together, Lelouch claimed, “You’re none of those things—well, maybe reckless after that stunt you pulled on the roof last night—but I digress. Even if you were all those things, I’d love you the same.” His voice sounded steel certain, like there was absolutely nothing that would change his mind.

Despite Lelouch’s support so far, Suzaku still didn’t want to take that risk. Just in case. “Lelouch, please…” Suzaku begged weakly, finally at the end of his limits. _Drop it. Don’t promise me lies_.

The prince pressed a “Hm?” against the soldier’s earlobe. “What do you want from me, Suzaku?” he asked lowly.

Suzaku shuddered again. “Nothing. Everything. I don’t know, Lelouch.”

“Then we’ll figure it out together,” Lelouch decided, observing Suzaku carefully. “We have time.”

Suzaku hung his head, unable to continue looking at himself, as his brain fell into old habits. He didn’t know how Lelouch could stand to see him all the time; he really should get his prince a medal for putting up with him so much. In a low voice, Suzaku said, “I tried, Lelouch, but we’re still only going in circles after all.” Starting to tug himself free, he almost stumbled. “I’m ready to stop.”

At his request, Lelouch let him go easily and even threw him a lifeline. “All right. Do you want to go have a late lunch?”

Nodding wordlessly, Suzaku reached out for Lelouch. Even as they clasped hands, Suzaku felt a gnawing emptiness writhing in his gut, as if he was making a fatal mistake. (Suzaku had already made too many mistakes. He didn’t need another one—) He was running away. Again.

By respecting his boundaries, Lelouch was letting him.

Suzaku felt a contrary mix of relief and unfair, major disappointment in them both.


	16. Frontward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Porn and character development.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented, left kudos, started following my Tumblr, etc.
> 
> Thanks especially to Milka121, Kurainosousuke, and FMAohshc92 for looking over this chapter prior to posting.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR DEPRESSION. AND PORN. AND KINKY...KINKS. IT'S ADULT OKAY?
> 
>  
> 
> ~~This was originally meant to be part of last chapter. Since it was getting a bit long, I divided it up for easier reading purposes even though both parts have been uploaded on the same day. So if you are confused coming here as the "latest" update, you might have skipped last chapter.~~

It felt like they’d been dropped into the middle of Alice in Wonderland, the way things seemed so backwards and inside out now. The fabric of reality was shifting and old certainties were now in question. Some things were, in fact, the same, but they looked different in light of recent events. Everything was confusing and jarring, but Lelouch knew that whatever he was feeling only paled in comparison to Suzaku’s experience.

Even if Suzaku _looked_ fine, _seemed_ normal, Lelouch knew what to search for now. And it was clear that Suzaku had simply slid into ‘standard normal operation settings.’ He was functioning but not thriving, habitually suppressing all that pain that had only a short while ago flowed free. Lelouch wondered if Suzaku did it consciously anymore or if it was such his standard coping mechanism that Suzaku didn’t even notice what he was doing.

Lelouch was definitely still reeling from Suzaku’s breakdown as they joined Nunnally at the table, though he was confident in his acting abilities to play it cool. He’d survived before and come out on top in bad situations; he’d live through this, too. Hell, he’d just come out the other side of having his balls crushed by a nutjob. Even as he warmly greeted his little sister with a kiss on her head, Lelouch was mentally flailing about everything that had gone down that day. It was a lot to process, even for someone like him who constantly exercised his mind. He just couldn’t figure it out. _How could Suzaku hate himself so **much**?_

It fell into the category of ‘important unanswered questions,’ along with ‘Who killed my mother?’ and ‘What is C.C.’s one wish?’

Still mulling over what had happened, Lelouch ate small, delicate morsels of his sandwich before inelegantly licking his fingers clean. Everything tasted like cardboard—which he had actually eaten once, on a dare from Suzaku during their childhood. Lelouch listened with one ear as Nunnally cheerfully told Suzaku all about her recent lessons, partly wishing to wash his hands and partly wondering if anyone had heard Suzaku yelling and crying earlier.

It didn’t seem so. Nunnally seemed genuinely happy, and Lelouch could always tell when she was putting on a front; she would have been concerned if she’d heard anything from his room. Likewise, Sayoko was acting normal whenever she passed through the room, going about her business tidying up the Lamperouge Suite while her charge was preoccupied eating lunch. Lelouch gave a mental sigh of relief at his and Suzaku’s luck, not knowing how much to divulge or how to explain Suzaku’s breakdown and problems if questioned. _No wonder Suzaku kept quiet for so long_ , Lelouch thought, picking every crumb off his plate. _I had trouble finding words on my end, but…_

But there were more important things happening now right in front of him, earning Lelouch’s attention. Noticing Suzaku laugh and smile between bites, Lelouch felt himself relax. It had taken one meal more than expected, but his plan to make Suzaku happy via bonding time with Nunnally was finally coming to fruition. Things were definitely awkward, but they were moving in the right direction. Lelouch silently sighed, his mind still tossing around ideas. _What else can I do to help Suzaku?_

There were so many complicated factors; even the battlefield didn’t scare Lelouch like getting _this_ wrong. Observing his boyfriend and sister carefully, Lelouch unpeeled his banana and scooped some peanut butter onto it for extra flavor. He slowly stuck the tip into his mouth and sucked the peanut butter off, still lost in thought and acting on autopilot.

Suzaku’s head whipped around to stare at Lelouch, green eyes darkening with familiar desire. His gaze grew hungry, despite how he’d just wolfed down his lunch. So, that hadn’t changed.

Lelouch cocked his head, considering.

At least he had _one_ possible answer to pursue.

-+-

They ended up in front of the damn mirror again, in the same position from before lunch as if they’d never left, and Suzaku briefly wondered if Lelouch was going to push for more soul-searching.

Instead, Lelouch led them in a different direction. Voice enticing, he said, “We don’t _have_ to do anything, but if you _wanted_ me to comfort you as only a lover can…”

“What took you so long?” Suzaku blurted, watching an immediate blush spread across his cheeks in the mirror. He was embarrassed at how awkward his face looked, in his opinion, even if Lelouch seemed to be enjoying himself. That made things worth it. Swallowing, Suzaku assured, “I really want you to! But, uh…are you saying _you_ don’t…” Then he frowned, speculating, _Why is Lelouch this hesitant? We’ve always gotten up to stuff before. Does he think less of me now? Does he not want me?_

Lelouch blinked in surprise at the outburst before a smug smile stole across his face. “Oh, I want to,” he said quickly before his expression turned ambivalent. “I just don’t want you to think—you know—” He gestured uselessly with one hand, looking a bit unsure now as he hinted that Suzaku should pick up mind-reading abilities in all his spare time.

The effort wasn’t necessary. Suzaku kissed Lelouch. Hard. _So that’s how it is_. “I’m not vulnerable, Lelouch,” he said firmly after the kiss had ended. “This is just…all at the surface now. But it’s always been…I mean…” Floundering, Suzaku recognized, _Shit, that’s probably not going to help him feel better about things_. Still struggling, he gave up and switched gears. “I’ve really, _really_ missed you,” he insisted as he kissed his boyfriend again. “I haven’t seen you in over a week.” Grinning innocently, as if his emotional breakdown had never happened, he grasped Lelouch’s arms around himself and said, “Our last time together was amazing!”

Purple eyes narrowed thoughtfully and Lelouch checked his earlier words: “You _were_ happy?”

“Blissful,” Suzaku remembered. _You make the pain go away. I feel alive when I’m with you_. _For the first time in a week, I feel like a human being. Because of you. Only you._

Lelouch smiled—his genuine, true smile meant for Suzaku’s eyes only, and moved things forward as he was best at doing. Again wrapped around Suzaku, Lelouch slid both hands flatly down the length of the brunet’s torso and deftly undid his belt. His breath nothing but a husky whisper, he said, “So let me…” He latched onto Suzaku’s upper neck with his mouth, kissing and sucking purposefully. As Suzaku quivered desperately in his arms and started to harden, Lelouch rolled his hips forward and finished silkily, “…let me lift you higher.”

“Lelouch…”

The prince huffed knowingly and reached his hand down into his boyfriend’s underwear.

“ _Lelouch_!”

“Let me make you happy, one night and one day at a time,” Lelouch outlined breathlessly. The brunet’s layers of pants dropped to the floor, and Lelouch’s long fingers encircled Suzaku’s slowly stirring erection, already following through on his promise. “I’ll definitely do it,” Lelouch swore, starting to stroke up and down teasingly. “And I’ll love you enough for the both of us until you can love yourself, and even then, I won’t stop loving you that hard…”

Suzaku let out a strangled groan and lifted his face from a pale neck. Twisting slightly, his lips sought Lelouch’s in a frenzied rush. Holding tight onto Lelouch’s arms, Suzaku’s hips started rocking slightly into the prince’s hand. “Lelouch,” he said raggedly between frantic kisses. “Oh, Lelouch…I can’t even…please, my prince…” He didn’t even know what he was begging for anymore (release, salvation, something else out of reach…); he just knew Lelouch was the only one who could give it to him. Suzaku would fold infinite paper cranes if only Lelouch _would_.

Lelouch groaned into his mouth and sped up his hand. “Suzaku,” he gasped, thrusting the bulge in his pants against his boyfriend’s naked ass. The brunet convulsed in his hold. Lelouch kissed him deeper and, clearly trying to direct Suzaku towards something good, then broke the contact to jerk his chin towards the mirror and order seductively, “Look at us, my knight. Watch me touch you. Are we not perfect together?”

Struggling to open his eyes past half-mast, Suzaku peered at Lelouch jerking him off in the mirror. Heat spread through his nerves and he moaned brokenly, the sight turning him on even further. They complemented each other so well, in looks and personality. “We’re amazing…together,” Suzaku managed aloud, continuing silently, _But that was never the problem. I’m the bad half between us. I’m dragging us down_.

Abruptly, Lelouch removed his hand from Suzaku’s cock and stared resolutely into the soldier’s imploring eyes. Firmly, he stated, “Tell me what you want and I’ll _make_ it happen.”

Suzaku’s voice caught in his throat, and his arousal spiked at the sultry look his prince was giving him. Overcome with emotion, he sank back against Lelouch and finally managed, after wetting his lips, “I just want you.”

“Then you can have me,” Lelouch said emphatically. There was little doubt as to what he meant, and his violet eyes glinted with warmth and determination. “Come, Suzaku.”

-+-

Never able to deny his prince, Suzaku stepped numbly out of his pants and let himself be led by the hand to their bed. He swayed, palms sweating as he was overcome with memories of their last (and first) time together. He remembered cleaning blood off his lover in the shower the morning after, and suddenly his breathing grew shallow. The consequences weren’t worth it. “Lelouch, we don’t have to…”

“If we both want to,” Lelouch argued, “then why deny ourselves the pleasure?”

Suzaku swallowed and weakly explained, “But anal sex hurt you. I don’t want to do it again.”

Lelouch gave him a slightly-exasperated, mostly-fond look. Sliding regally onto the bed, he opened his arms for Suzaku and waited for the brunet to curl up in them before replying, “I liked anal sex better than I thought I would. It was indescribable, Suzaku, feeling you so deep inside me.”

Blushing, Suzaku recalled the string of dirty talk they’d both engaged in throughout their sexual foray. Lelouch’s tone now was sincere and heartfelt compared to when he’d uttered those provocative words before, though Suzaku knew he’d also meant them one-hundred percent the first time. “Lelouch…” Suzaku mumbled, snuggling closer and trying to ignore the hard ache between his legs. It was unfair of Lelouch to get him so worked up and then pull away, but Suzaku couldn’t find it in himself to complain; cuddling with his prince was doing wonders for his emotional well-being. He felt so safe in Lelouch’s arms.

Lelouch sighed and swept his clean fingers through Suzaku’s bangs. “You’ll understand, Suzaku, when it’s your turn.” Blushing slightly, he added, “I also might’ve…you know…conditioned myself to enjoy anal play during all my prepping.”

Suzaku felt his mouth go sandpaper dry again. It took a couple moments to regain his voice, he was so shocked. “I can’t...who even _are_ you anymore, Lelouch Lamperouge vi Britannia?” he teased, starting to feel slightly more like himself. Every second with Lelouch was a balm to his heart and soul.

Chuckling, Lelouch shifted closer. “A changed man,” he answered sagely, eyes twinkling with humor and affection. “Suzaku, I meant what I said at first. You’re the only person I could ever trust to take me— _all_ of me: my body, my control, my heart and soul—and I don’t regret sharing myself with you.” Skimming his fingers down Suzaku’s chiseled jawline, he added softly, “Maybe it hurt a bit, but there were a lot of good parts that I wouldn’t mind experiencing again. With you.”

Wordlessly, Suzaku rolled completely onto Lelouch and pressed him into the bed. He leaned down to kiss him, again and again and again and again and _again_. Mindlessly, he started tugging at the remainder of both their clothes, desperate to feel Lelouch’s smooth skin on his. “I love you,” Suzaku sighed, his blood singing from his boyfriend’s speech. His whole mood was shifting, soothed by his prince’s flawless efforts and grand attention. “I fucking _love_ you, Lelouch.”

“I love you, too, Suzaku,” Lelouch answered, accompanied by hoarse groans and wandering hands. “I’m here for you. Whatever you need. I love you so much…”

Groaning with pleasure, Suzaku flattened his nude body along Lelouch’s. “We can try penetrative sex again,” he said, finally persuaded by his boyfriend’s enthusiasm; eyes shining, he then stipulated, “Only first, I need you like this, my prince.” Heart pounding at their closeness, he started moving sensually against Lelouch. He always felt so connected when they frotted. Suzaku was melting against his lover, and it was hard when he held Lelouch to remember why he felt so depressed, angry, and lost.

Lelouch immediately caught on and grabbed him close, sliding his body in sync with Suzaku’s and letting out an almost-wail at the familiar pleasure. “A-ahhh, my knight, it’s been so long since we…”

“I know, Lelouch, I _know_ ,” Suzaku agreed with a lascivious little moan.  He grinned, eyes clouding with arousal. Almost shyly, he admitted, “I like that we’re— _mmm!_ —fair and balanced when we do this.” Lelouch’s words from the beginning had become a compass point for their progressing relationship. They’d always strived for equality and mutual respect no matter the circumstances, but frotting simply afforded more opportunity to express those values than penetrative sex—which came with its own role baggage of ‘top’ and ‘bottom.’ Right now, Suzaku simply wanted his parallel partner.

Lelouch smiled up at him. “I like that— _oh!_ —also,” he said, panting heavily. He wriggled his body a little faster, his groin pain from before clearly gone as he sought more friction. “It’s always been— _ah_ — one of my favorite things to do with you.”

Suzaku considered his boyfriend’s words. “We don’t even need anal sex,” he suggested with a smile and a passionate body rub. “We tried it and I’m glad we did, but honestly, after comparing both, I get everything I need from you doing this…”

Lelouch’s breath audibly caught. “Suzaku,” he sighed, arching into his Japanese boyfriend.  “That is…I…” He pulled the soldier down for a kiss. In the middle of their zealous lip lock, he stiffened and came between their writhing bodies.

Suzaku moaned and came soon after, his come mixing with Lelouch’s on their skin. He cuddled into his prince’s side, feeling a dirty thrill at their shared mess splattered across and between them. He’d always enjoyed the warm, sticky wetness, and he wondered how long he could convince Lelouch to let him savor the filthy come shower before cleaning up. Listlessly, he rolled his boyfriend over until they were both on their sides, staring into each other’s eyes—and pulled him close to press their chests and stomachs and crotches flush against each other. Suzaku’s eyes rolled in the back of his head at the sensation, feeling and hearing and just _knowing_ their come was squelching and smearing together between their sated bodies.

Lelouch stretched his neck for more kisses. He threw his top leg over Suzaku’s hip even as he wound his arms tight around the soldier’s back, keeping them closely attached. Sighing blissfully, he pulled his head back slightly—just enough to disconnect their lips—purple eyes half-lidded. “Suzaku,” he said. “You are _the_ most incredible person I’ve ever…”

Suzaku blinked rapidly, trying to hold back tears as the compliment burrowed into his soul. _Stop. Crying!_ he told himself. _This is ridiculous_. How had he never noticed before how often he cried? It was like his heart was trying to tell him something. Finally getting himself together, he answered softly, “I have to say the same about you.”

Lelouch smiled gently. “About what you said before,” he ventured, shifting slightly—rubbing their come-drenched skin together which caused Suzaku to moan and Lelouch’s eyes to flicker with interest—the prince added, “I agree that frotting can be our number one go-to, but I don’t want to rule out anal sex for the future.” Blushing harder, he reminded the brunet in a low and secretive tone, “I got to like it, remember?”

Suzaku grinned boyishly. “Yeah, you won’t let me forget it,” he teased and playfully flicked his prince’s nose.

Lelouch’s eyes softened further and he just _stared_ at Suzaku for several long moments from across their shared pillow.

Feeling self-conscious, Suzaku wondered hesitantly, “What, Lelouch?”

Shaking himself a bit, Lelouch smiled wider. “You’re relaxed and happy,” he pointed out. “I’m just enjoying that.”

It was Suzaku’s turn to stare.

Lelouch pressed their lower bodies closer, mischief dancing in his eyes. “You should see yourself, Suzaku,” he said proudly. “Your face is shining, your voice is confident, your body is loose…”

“And covered in come.”

“…and covered in come,” Lelouch echoed with a laugh. He stared at Suzaku harder then, mouth curving wickedly, and purred deeply, “You’re _doused_ and you like it, you filthy little come slut.”

Feeling a stab of heat in his groin, Suzaku opened and closed his jaw, eyes stretched wide as he stared at Lelouch with astonishment and disbelief. _What kind of smut just came out of my Lelouch’s mouth?_ He couldn’t deny that his cock jumped at it, and by Lelouch’s blooming smirk, the prince knew all too well what was happening. They were, in any case, still pressed closely together.

Sidling impossibly nearer, Lelouch snaked his arms smoothly around the soldier’s back, hands rubbing ever-so-slowly up and down. Craning his head, Lelouch whispered directly into Suzaku’s ear, “You’re my dirty _come slut_ , Kururugi Suzaku, and _I like it_.”

“ _Kami-sama_ , Lelouch!” Suzaku found himself flushed and panting and really, really turned on again. He also felt a rush of shame for liking it. He squirmed, mortified. This was worse than admitting to the Student Council that he liked cross-dressing.

Lelouch pulled back a bit, looking slightly nervous as he watched Suzaku struggle with himself. “What’s wrong?” Lelouch asked. “Did I take it too far?” Purple eyes searched green, and pale fingers dug into tan skin, almost like the prince was trying to keep the soldier from rolling away. “Talk to me, Suzaku.”

Fidgeting, Suzaku cleared his throat. He looked at the ceiling, at the far wall, and at the foot of the bed before daring to look at his lover directly. “Uh…” he tried, still twisting about on the sheets, unintentionally getting the next round started. _This is the boy who didn’t even know how to kiss or masturbate before we got together?_ “Well…”

Lelouch flinched with remorse, though his body automatically responded to Suzaku’s evocative movements. “I…that is…sorry, I thought you’d like it.”

“…I did. That’s the problem.”

Lelouch blinked. “I don’t understand. Explain it to me.” His face was openly curious. His hips kept ramming against his lover’s.

Suzaku sighed and kept thrusting, unable to help himself. He moaned at the titillating friction and at the way their cooling, drying ejaculated seed got caught between their sliding bodies. He could feel it spreading and starting to crust over, and for some reason it made him hot all over. Mustering his voice, he admitted scandalously, “I like dirty talk.”

Raising an eyebrow, Lelouch disclosed, “I figured that out _ages_ ago. Why do you think I do it so often?”

Gaping, Suzaku focused on Lelouch’s concerned face. “You…do it for me?” he squeaked. Feeling like he wasn’t getting enough hard contact, he wrestled Lelouch onto his back and banged his hips down onto the Britannian’s.

“I— _ah_ —do it for both of us, Suzaku,” Lelouch groaned, throwing his head back shamelessly. “I like it, too.”

Suzaku choked at that. “You do?” A zing of excitement flashed through him, and his body _slammed_ against his prince’s even harder.

Lelouch nodded. “It’s hot.”

“It’s demeaning.”

Lelouch winced guiltily and kept humping his hips. “If that’s what you think, then I’ll stop.”

“But I _like_ it.”

Lelouch tilted his head, purple eyes squinting. He slowed to a halt and just let Suzaku rub himself erotically all over his body. “What do you want from me, Suzaku?” he asked for the second time that day.

Suzaku grimaced and brutally drove his hips down. “I don’t know,” he groaned. His cock skidded down Lelouch’s. “It’s hot, like you said, but I love you…”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

Suzaku frowned at his prince. “Everything,” he summed up. “I can’t degrade the person I love, and vice versa.” Even as he said it, he was aware that he was basically mauling his already come-soaked lover.

Lelouch blinked again. “Suzaku,” he said slowly, spreading his legs so the brunet could press their erections together more forcefully, “liking dirty talk in the bedroom doesn’t mean you love me any less. And I love you the same as I always have.” At Suzaku’s inquiring gaze and slightly slowing thrusts, Lelouch continued, “It doesn’t mean I disrespect you. I just said it to make you all hot and bothered in the heat of the moment. I did it to make you feel _good_.” He gasped, looking and sounding more attractive with each moment. “What happens in the bedroom doesn’t translate over to ‘real life.’ I mean,” he said, “I’m not going to start tearing you down and objectifying you all the time. I don’t _really_ think you’re a come slut.”

“It’s true, though,” Suzaku said, voice filled with more shame as he latched on to the wrong point. “I get turned on with come.” _There’s something wrong with me. What kind of good person gets off on something so degrading?_ He shivered and went on, “Swallowing it, feeling it coat my skin, playing with it…”

“That’s okay,” Lelouch said earnestly. “It’s sex, Suzaku. People have all kinds of sex kinks.” He started grinding again, making his lover gasp. “I don’t think any less of you.”

Suzaku’s eyes dilated, flabbergasted. “Really?”

Lelouch smiled reassuringly, massaging tan skin where his hands rested. “Of course not. Do you think less of me?”

Suzaku shook his head. “You’re…you.”

“And you’re you. And I want to do _everything_ I can to make you happy, Suzaku, both inside _and_ outside of our sex life,” Lelouch said with a reassuring smile.

Suzaku shook his head again, but this time in wonder. “Lelouch, you’re…too much.” _Literally everything in the world is wrong with me, yet you’re still here._

Lelouch’s smile grew as he offered, “But if you’re truly uncomfortable, then there’s no point. I need you to tell me what you want.”

Suzaku bit his lip, thrusting down roughly and adding fresh spurts of semen onto their already-soiled bodies. He quivered as Lelouch held him through his orgasm, and then twisted to rub his hipbone against Lelouch to give him better friction, unable to relax until he brought his prince over the edge (again). His mind was just as restless as his body. _I need to think about what I want. Lelouch has clearly already come to terms with his sexual desires_. A list of possibilities circled Suzaku’s head, shoving the sin of patricide out of the spotlight. “Do _you_ …like anything else?” Suzaku puffed, ideas entangling in his mind with a rush of heat. “I mean, I figured you have a chess kink, a cleaning kink, and a power kink…”

Lelouch laughed. “All of the above,” he confirmed easily. Unashamed. Inspiring. “I’ve also fantasized about us tying each other up. And you know I learned to like prostate stimulation.”

Suzaku felt another rush of shock. _He’s really flourished when it comes to sex stuff. Didn’t **I** used to be the comfortable one?_ He blinked in bewilderment. “Whoa, you’ve got quite the list there, Lelouch.”

Lelouch smirked proudly, his cock twitching against Suzaku’s hip. “And to think, before you, I’d never even masturbated. I never saw the point.” He smirked, his face torrid with emotion. “Now I can’t stop and my fantasies get _so_ dirty, Suzaku. So kinky.”

Suzaku gawked at him. Was this really his boyfriend?

He must still be hallucinating.

“So really,” Lelouch continued triumphantly, violet eyes flashing with mock-accusation, “this is all your fault.” He arched up and came, then turned to purposefully squeeze their torsos together again, mixing their seed into more of a sticky mess. “Is this doing it for you?” he asked, as if he didn’t already know.

Wordlessly, Suzaku nodded. This felt too good to be fake.

Simpering, Lelouch sat up and straddled Suzaku’s hips. His fingers confidently moved to knead the sordid fluids into Suzaku’s tan, muscled chest.

“Wha-what are you doing?” Suzaku asked breathlessly.

“I’m giving you a come massage. Do you like it?” Lelouch asked, his violet eyes glinting with more mischief.

Suzaku’s leg jerked out reflexively with surprise. “Y-yes,” he admitted in a small voice. Heat was rising faster than ever on his face, but more than anything he didn’t want his prince to stop. It felt wrong that something so dirty could make him feel so cleansed. He sighed delightedly, letting his eyes slip shut as he just savored Lelouch manually rubbing their mixed semen into his skin with repetitive, circular motions. The tips of Lelouch’s long fingers were pressing hard into his pecs and slipping a little in the gooey ejaculate; Suzaku moaned as he felt some glops of come scooped up from dips in his abdomen and then dripped deliberately over his nipples. He gasped as Lelouch rubbed the thick substance around and over his perked nubs, pinching his nipples with sticky, come-coated fingertips. With determined focus, Lelouch flattened his palms against Suzaku’s come-splattered torso and resumed massaging. His touches grew stronger and bolder. With his eyes still closed, Suzaku felt himself kissed; Lelouch’s tongue rubbed brazenly against his in time with his hands. Every sensation was exquisite.

As with mealtimes, even the normalcy of their sex life seemed surreal.

-+-

“We should do dinner,” Lelouch said, always the voice of reason, after an indeterminate amount of time. The light shining through the crack of the curtains was growing dimmer, signaling the onset of twilight.

Suzaku’s eyes glinted with humor and newfound serenity. “I already did _you_ ,” he shot back with a grin.

Lelouch ruffled his hair. “Don’t be a wise guy,” he said, raising an eyebrow. He rolled completely off Suzaku and got up to retrieve his cell phone.

Tensing, Suzaku worried that Lelouch would turn to his mysterious callers; he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding as Lelouch greeted Sayoko, requesting a simple dinner be brought to his room. Suzaku burrowed under the covers, wrinkling his nose at the smell permeating the room. Everything was filthy, and this was bound to be awkward. At least it fit the theme for the day.

But Lelouch nonchalantly slipped on a clean bathrobe, sprayed himself with cologne, fought with his hair to look somewhat decent, and hurriedly took the platter from Sayoko at the door when dinner made its appearance ten minutes later. “Thanks again, and send Nunnally our apologies!” Lelouch said quickly, slamming the door in Sayoko’s face before she could get a good look into what was going on inside the bedroom. That was Lelouch, always crafting his plans and letting people see only what he allowed them to.

Suzaku’s heart melted, and his stomach did a little flip of wonder at his luckiness. _I can’t believe he’s still my boyfriend_.

Turning with the covered dish, Lelouch gracefully carried their dinner over to the bed. He unveiled the platter’s contents with a dramatic flourish, waving the pork roast under Suzaku’s nose. “Eat up,” he said with a genuine smile, reaching for the stashed silverware.

Suzaku sucked on the inside of his cheek, his nervous habits lingering still. _Should I?_ he wondered. _Do I even deserve this bountiful food?_

“You’ve _nothing_ to be ashamed of,” Lelouch said intuitively, violet eyes locking with serious intensity on Suzaku’s.

Swallowing thickly, Suzaku felt his heart suddenly twist. He knew Lelouch was talking about _everything_ —be it his sex kinks, his emotional breakdown, his general flaws... All of what Suzaku felt guilty about himself, Lelouch accepted with open arms.

As if to prove him right, Lelouch’s arms wrapped around him.

Again, feeling lightheaded, Suzaku deliberated telling his prince about his gravest sin—but as always he chickened out. Admitting to killing his own father as a child was still beyond the level of confessing that he liked dirty talk and come play. Instead, he just held Lelouch tight and defaulted to, “I love you.”

Smiling, Lelouch snuggled closer against Suzaku’s side. He was obviously exhausted, but he never let that stop him. Nothing ever did. “I love you, too,” Lelouch said. “Did you decide on what you wanted?” he asked as he started cutting up his meat, clarifying as if this was any old dinner topic, “About using dirty talk?”

Suzaku sighed and, hoping he didn’t regret his choice, answered, “I…I want to keep using dirty talk and come play in the bedroom. If you’re cool with that.” His face burned as he inwardly reprimanded himself.   _I’m so selfish, as always. Giving in to my disgusting desires._

Lelouch chuckled, sounding pleased. “Of course, Suzaku.” He nudged their legs together. “Do you have any boundaries? You looked pretty astonished when I called you my come slut, but I couldn’t tell if you were just shocked or if you didn’t like that one.”

Relaxing, Suzaku realized that this was just like any other communication they strived to achieve. Lelouch was trying to figure things out, together. The embarrassing topic didn’t mean their tested problem-solving skills weren’t applicable. Sweeping his hands up and down Lelouch’s arm and side, Suzaku explained, “I was shocked, but it made me so hot. You can use any dirty talk you like.”

“If you don’t like something, I better hear about it,” Lelouch warned, his eyebrows drawing together.

Suzaku laughed and took his first bite of delicious pork roast. This really was familiar. “Of course, Lelouch.”

The prince cleared his throat. “You know, Suzaku,” he said, “I told you a long time ago that it was important that we could tell each other when something made us uncomfortable.”

Suzaku remembered, flashing back to their second day of dating when they’d had lunch on the roof. Lelouch had been trying to feed him rice by hand—just like Lelouch was trying to feed him a chunk of meat at the moment with his fingers. “We’ve done a pretty good job of communicating those things,” the soldier reflected, this time letting himself be fed. They’d taken steps together, grown together, developed their values… Being hand-fed felt more like a romantically affectionate gesture now, rather than a shot at his independence when he still had a stricter image to uphold in front of a new boyfriend. After all their months dating, it—they—felt natural. Comfortable.

Lelouch nodded against his shoulder. “I was just going to add,” he said, “that on the flipside, I think it’s important that we always tell each other what we _do_ like and want.”

Suzaku froze for a moment, feeling conflicted. That could be a lot more embarrassing. He couldn’t imagine bringing up his more lewd sexual fantasies. But hadn’t they started talking about those things lately? They’d mentioned smaller things they were partial to—Suzaku remembered telling Lelouch that he liked it when the prince sucked on his tongue, and when he wrapped his legs around his waist—but they’d very carefully steered clear of kinkier X-rated desires except in the heat-of-the-moment directions.  Suzaku coughed and realized, “Like what you said earlier about wanting us to tie each other up. Bondage, Lelouch, really?”

Lelouch frowned and sniffed, “You don’t need to make fun of me, but yes.” He put his fork down with a firm clank.

Suzaku winced, feeling like a defective Knightmare scrap heap firing an uncalled-for missile. “I didn’t mean to!” _Great, he reassures me about my much more abnormal kinks, like enjoying a come massage, and my first word about his is ‘really’? God, I’m an idiot._

Lelouch sighed but smiled wanly. “It’s all right, Suzaku. I know you didn’t.”

“I’m still sorry.”

“Of course you are. You’re always sorry, Suzaku.” Lelouch leaned over to kiss him. “I get it a little more now, and I’m trying to understand. I’m not mad, okay?”

Suzaku felt his heart flutter higher, shedding yet more of its shackles. _My prince. You’re too perfect_. Eyes softening, he caught Lelouch’s gaze and suggested, “Why don’t we take turns talking about our favorite moments and sex fantasies? We can get started right away.” _I have to move forward from my slip-up. Show Lelouch I can handle this. Get things rolling again._

Lelouch raised a tired eyebrow. “You planned on sleeping?” he asked, finishing his meal. “I’ve barely gotten to see you. I want to stay up all night and catch up.”

Smiling, Suzaku took his time until his plate was clean. It felt easier to eat than before. It felt easier to _breathe_ than before. Remembering their eventful day, Suzaku noted fondly, “Lelouch, you’re almost asleep right now.”

“No, I’m not,” Lelouch argued petulantly around a wide yawn. “I might not be up for more sex, but I can definitely handle talking all night. And kissing. God, I’ve missed kissing you.” Suzaku took that as a cue to devour his boyfriend’s lips. Lelouch immediately threw himself into the passionate embrace, loving the Japanese teen with his whole body as he wriggled against him and thrust his tongue deep into Suzaku’s cavern. When they finally settled down, the prince ran with his lover’s idea and shared huskily, “I love it when you bite my nipples.”

Inhaling sharply, Suzaku felt a thrill race down his spine. His own nipples hardened at the words. Piggybacking off Lelouch’s turn, he took both their empty plates to the dresser and responded, “I love it when you _order_ me to bite your nipples.”

Lelouch snorted tenderly. “You and your orders,” he murmured, wriggling horizontal and deeper into the sheets.

Suzaku raised a playfully seductive eyebrow. “You and your nipples,” he returned, sliding back into bed and cuddling into Lelouch’s open embrace.

Lelouch seemed to melt against the Japanese teen. “Mhm,” he hummed, his eyes darkening suggestively. His velvet voice dipped low as he agreed, “I have such sensitive nipples, Suzaku.”

“You do,” Suzaku approved hoarsely, tugging Lelouch’s black bathrobe off and letting it pool on the floor, instantly forgotten. His gaze was immediately drawn to Lelouch’s chest, and his mouth watered. “You want me to bite them now?” Suzaku wet his lips in anticipation, at the moment wanting to bite Lelouch’s nipples more than he wanted Japan’s freedom.

Lelouch jerked at that, violet eyes flashing with want. After a few seconds, he shook his head slowly and said, “We’re going to get really distracted if we stop after every turn.”

Suzaku sighed but had to acknowledge his prince’s point. “It would still be fun,” he maintained, stubborn as always.

Lelouch smirked at him. “It would,” he agreed. “But we have a lot of time yet for fun, and I want to learn more of your dirty fantasies.” Purple eyes narrowed playfully. “Let’s see, my turn. You already heard that I’d like to try bondage someday. It just makes me hot all over, Suzaku, to think of being tied down…completely at your mercy…as you do naughty, _raunchy_ things to me all night long.” He quivered with desire and tangled their legs together under the covers. “And, ah, having you at _my_ mercy… Suzaku, I can think of so many obscene ways to keep you straining at your bonds…”

Suzaku felt a spine-tingling current of need zip through him. “ _Yes_ , Lelouch,” he whispered roughly, his voice trembling. Bondage suddenly seemed much more exciting when Lelouch described it, like he was asking Suzaku to test-pilot a whole new world of opportunities. Only good things had come from similar situations, and Lelouch could yield more than the Lancelot. Suzaku pressed his forehead into his boyfriend’s bare shoulder, feeling dizzy. He waited until he felt slightly oriented again before taking his turn and sharing, “I’d really like it if we jerked off for each other sometime. Ah, Lelouch, to think of you pleasuring yourself…I told you last week that it was such a turn-on to imagine.”

Mouth curving slyly, Lelouch agreed and promised, “I’ll keep that in mind, Suzaku.” He cleared his throat and continued quickly, “I have my chess kink. Sometimes I dream about you fucking me with my chess pieces.” He quaked, eyes glazing over. “Thrusting the black king piece up my ass…”

Suzaku’s mouth went completely dry. _Okay, maybe Lelouch’s kinks **are** just as weird_ _and abnormal as mine. I’ve never heard of anyone wanting that before._ He struggled to swallow as he drooled at the imagined vision. _At least now I can make up for teasing him about wanting bondage_. “That sounds really hot,” he said raucously. He took that opportunity to add new hickies to his boyfriend’s skin, the action giving him better focus.

“Oh, it’s completely unfeasible,” Lelouch rationalized, suddenly cool and practical, even under Suzaku’s wandering lips. “Those chess pieces are too small to reach anything. And trying to shove one up there?” He idly shook his head, pressing himself further into Suzaku’s suctioned mouth with a hint of a moan. “No way. It could easily get swallowed up and stuck, and I’m really not keen on going to the hospital to get it removed.”

 _Yeah, I can imagine_. “Lelouch,” Suzaku sighed with amusement and lifted his head from a forming love bruise, “you just killed your own fantasy.” The word ‘kill’ didn’t even trigger him like it might have a day ago, possible proof of Lelouch’s influence.

Lelouch shrugged. “I never said I wanted to actually _do_ it. It’s just something I daydream about sometimes when I need to get off.”

Suzaku hugged him tighter and said lightly, “You have problems.” It felt familiar and easy to poke fun at his boyfriend, just like it had earlier. The routine kidding was calming.

“You’re only now noticing?” Lelouch asked cheekily.

Suzaku laughed. He honestly felt better than he had all week. It wasn’t only the sex, but overall just _being_ with Lelouch. Connecting with him, sharing with him, bantering with him, holding him… Suzaku had never felt as comfortable around another person. Grinning, he took his turn. “I know this isn’t the most outlandish thing, but I really love your skin. I could just taste it all day.”

Lelouch looked smug and pressed himself even closer to Suzaku. “I feel the same way about your skin,” he said wistfully. “Ever since that day you ditched school to come gambling and that crude nobleman made that offhand comment…”

Suzaku blinked, trying to think back. “I remember,” he said. “That was long before we got together.”

“I still noticed your skin. I got so jealous when he talked about it, but you weren’t mine so I couldn’t do anything.”

Intrigued, Suzaku asked, “What _would_ you do now—if that happened again?”

Lelouch smirked wickedly, looking as dangerous as an enemy Knightmare. “Oh, I’d probably agree with him outright and show you off. I’d open your school uniform and kiss and lick you all over.” Violet eyes glazed over as he got lost in his fantasy description. “I’d suck on your nipples and moan, and then I’d run my hands everywhere. I’d suck more hickeys into your skin and ask if he thought you were even _more_ beautiful now.”

“Kami- _sama_ , Lelouch,” Suzaku groaned, wrenching Lelouch up for a lusty kiss. “You’ve got a bit of an exhibition kink too, then. What happened to ‘what we have is private and should stay between us’?”

Moaning, Lelouch participated enthusiastically in the kiss before answering, “Again, I don’t think I’d do it in real life. It’s really hot to imagine, though. Ravishing you in front of people.” His sizzling voice lowered, making a greater impact. “Claiming you for the world to see.”

Suzaku chuckled, feeling as free as a paper crane in the wind. “There’s your possessive streak at work.” _Keeping our relationship secret is making Lelouch suppress all his outward affection. Someday, that lid is going to burst. I wonder how far he’ll go to mark me as his._

Lelouch nodded, his eyelids drooping despite himself. “You’re mine and I’m proud of it.” His breathing grew deeper.

Dropping a light kiss on his prince’s forehead, Suzaku disentangled their legs and climbed out of bed. _He’s so precious_.

Immediately, Lelouch stirred and demanded, “Where are you going?”

“To get a wet washcloth. I know you want to feel clean before falling asleep, Lelouch.”

Shaking his head, Lelouch said, “No.” Despite being half-asleep, his voice was strong and authoritative; he was a prince issuing a holy order. “You really like it when we’re all filthy, right? So I don’t mind going to bed like this if it’s for you.”

Suzaku’s heart thudded. “Lelouch…” _He does so much for me_.

“Besides,” Lelouch added around an incessant yawn, “tomorrow morning we can soak in the bath. You can scrub me all clean then, and that’ll be my turn.” He fluffed their pillows and settled down again, looking as content as Arthur curled half-asleep in his cat tree. Only Lelouch was way cuddlier, not that anyone outside Suzaku (and maybe Nunnally) was allowed that privilege. “It’s nice to have complementary sex kinks, huh? Almost like we were made for each other…”

Sucking in a breath, Suzaku stepped over to the bed and ran a hand through his boyfriend’s messy hair. “Lelouch,” he managed again. It was all he could say. _You’re so remarkable. I don’t have words._

Lelouch hummed with satisfaction under Suzaku’s affectionate petting. “Since you’re up,” he said, his words slurring with sleep, “you can turn off the light.”

Suzaku smiled, proud of their progress and the strength of their feelings, and did as requested. Encouraged by Lelouch, Suzaku—more than before—trusted their love would survive in the dark. By the time Suzaku slid languidly into his customary spot between his lover and the wall, Lelouch was dead to the world. Tonight, Suzaku peacefully followed.

 


	17. Sinking Connections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented, left kudos, started following my Tumblr, etc.
> 
> Trying something new and am posting unbeta'ed work. *GASP* Considering I usually go back and tweak things based on reader feedback ANYWAY, this really shouldn't matter too much.
> 
> Um, it's Thursday SOMEWHERE, right? Happy Thursday~
> 
> ~~Comments are love again. I adore knowing what readers liked and/or noticed.~~

_Dammit. I feel so disgusting_ , Lelouch thought as he woke up in the middle of the night, his insides squirming as much as they had after he’d killed Clovis.  He craned his neck, watching Suzaku’s sleeping features in the pale moonlight spilling in from a crack in the curtains. The light was barely enough to see by, reminding Lelouch of how many secrets were still stitched to Suzaku’s heart. Hoping the currently loose thread would soon unravel the rest, Lelouch traced his boyfriend’s body with his eyes and took the time to really think about everything that had happened now that he had sufficient time and space. The world seemed to be reverting back to pre-Alice in Wonderland status, though with an epiphany that ‘up’ had meant ‘down’—or maybe ‘sideways’—the entire time. Lelouch’s chest constricted with feeling; most of his disgust was based internally. _I should have helped Suzaku earlier._

Throat tight with nerves, Lelouch found it hard to swallow as he remembered Suzaku’s big confession that day. _He wants to die_ , Lelouch recalled with a shiver of trepidation, once more the little boy who’d stumbled upon his mother’s bloody corpse and little sister’s broken body on the staircase of his supposedly safe home. The darkest nightmares sprang from unexpectedly snuffed light, catching a person off-guard. Lelouch was not immune; his heart twisted for his boyfriend. _Suzaku’s so depressed that he actually wants…or at least wanted…to die._ Horrified at the idea _,_ Lelouch felt a rush of helplessness followed by sympathy for his suffering boyfriend and finally the familiar burning rage at Britannia. _This is what Britannia has reduced Suzaku to since the war. He’s internalized all the prejudice and he’s taking it to heart in the unhealthiest extreme._ A wave of new determination swept over the outcast prince, strengthening his resolve. _Oh, Suzaku. I will make **sure** to obliterate Britannia for your sake as well as Nunnally’s!_

Shifting closer, Lelouch pondered what he should do. Zero knew how to destroy a country for the goal of rebuilding a better one in its place. Lelouch didn’t know how to rebuild an already-broken person. He scrubbed at his stinging eyes, unable to reach the deep source of sensation. _Suzaku has been feeling shattered inside for a long time. How could I not have noticed it got so bad?_ Lelouch felt shame wash over him, dowsing all those confident fires. _All those times I acted annoyed at his feelings. They were signs and I missed them! I probably made him feel worse!_ He felt a flood of fear at what Suzaku might have resorted to in the depths of despair—but hadn’t, Lelouch reminded himself. Repeatedly.

“I’ve never actually… _tried_ to kill myself,” Suzaku had said, implying he wasn’t suicidal.

Yet he’d contradicted himself moments earlier by confessing that he was looking forward to his execution after Prince Clovis’s death.

 _Is that **really** why he resents Zero?_ Lelouch wondered, remembering the venom in Suzaku’s tone.

(“ _Until **Zero** stepped in._ ”)

But Suzaku had _also_ claimed to be happy with Lelouch. Ergo, even though he wanted to die, he kept living for Lelouch. It was ironic how Suzaku could detest Zero for keeping him alive but love Lelouch for the same reason. Or rather, maybe Lelouch himself gave Suzaku a reason _to_ live. It suddenly felt like a lot of pressure, to be the sanity tying a broken boy to the world. Not that Lelouch didn’t work well under pressure.

Lelouch kept thinking, idly watching Suzaku breathe. The sound was as comforting as his heartbeat. _Suzaku has this unrealistic and unhealthy need to save everyone. He takes it too far. He holds himself accountable for impractical things._ Lelouch knew he could reason why things weren’t Suzaku’s fault, but he also knew that Suzaku didn’t listen to reason. All his logic would fall on deaf ears, because Suzaku was determined to keep blaming himself. _But why?_ Lelouch speculated. _When did it get this bad? What really happened, Suzaku?_ Despite all the recent breakthroughs, Lelouch knew there were still crucial missing pieces.

Lelouch reached out to tenderly brush brown bangs off of Suzaku’s closed eyelids. _He’s been bottling so much up. How does he do it?_ Silently sighing, Lelouch mindlessly started combing his fingers through the remainder of soft hair, keeping his touch feather-light so he didn’t wake Suzaku. _But I know it’s not **all** bad. I’ve seen him truly happy. Or was that a mask, too? Do I really know Suzaku as well as I think I do? Obviously not, or I would have realized sooner…_

Lelouch gave himself a mental shake. _I still know him better than anyone else does. Therefore, it’s up to me to help him as best I can._ Purple eyes hardened with tenacity. _I’m **going** to make Suzaku happy, dammit! _ Very briefly, Lelouch considered using Geass to make Suzaku love himself, but he rejected the idea almost as soon as it crossed his mind. This wasn’t something he should do for Suzaku; it was something Suzaku had to do for himself if it was to mean anything.

Sighing again, Lelouch rolled closer and pressed himself flush against his slumbering boyfriend. Despite Suzaku’s eagerness, Lelouch still felt a twang of guilt for how they’d ended up. Suzaku had just had a breakdown, and therefore he couldn’t have been in his right mind. On that premise, Lelouch worried. _Was it selfish of me to do sexual things with him, even though he said he wanted to_? _Did I take advantage of him?_ Inwardly groaning, thoughts circling, Lelouch doubted, _Or was it my job as his boyfriend to offer him comfort in any way he wanted? It wasn’t like we weren’t already together or hadn’t already taken these steps in our relationship. Did I do the right thing?_

Lelouch recalled the ups and downs of their time together, analyzing every detail as closely as a commander planning his battles. Suzaku had relaxed in the end and seemingly come to terms with some of the things he was embarrassed about, even though there were still several obvious issues to work through; it wasn’t like sex had actually solved anything. At the most, it had been a pleasant distraction. Suzaku had let loose completely during their unrestrained frottage, and the _look_ on his face when their mixed come was rubbed into his skin… Lelouch had to inhale deeply at the memory, suddenly breathless. _Suzaku **definitely** enjoyed himself. There’s no question. So was I right to go through with it after all?_

“I can _hear_ you thinking,” Suzaku mumbled sleepily, eyes still closed. “Go to sleep, Lelouch.”

His mind relaxing at the loving order, Lelouch blinked and settled more fully against his boyfriend. “Yes, Suzaku.”

-+-

Suzaku woke to wet heat around his cock.

Mind fuzzy, he sluggishly lifted himself onto his elbows and stared down the length of his body. He blinked, trying to clear his vision. There was gray light peeking in through the curtains and, beyond that, the consistent rhythm of sucking sounds emanating from between his thighs. Suzaku choked on his breath as he belatedly put together that his beloved boyfriend was gifting him with an early morning blowjob. “Le-Lelouch,” he gasped, shifting his hips.

Lelouch moved with him and kept sucking. He did, however, flick his eyes to Suzaku’s and moan a greeting.

Fisting the sheets, Suzaku stammered, “Y-you don’t have to…”

In answer, Lelouch narrowed his eyes and deliberately suctioned his lips tighter. He slowly and purposefully drew Suzaku deeper into his mouth, sweeping his wet tongue around Suzaku’s tip and shaft. His hands both wrapped around the base, one on top of the other, and he pulled that move Suzaku adored where he twisted his hands in opposite directions while he stroked downwards. Saliva dripped everywhere as he slurped and groaned. Lelouch always had the best plans.

“Ah-ah-ah-ooohhh, Lelooouuuch…” Suzaku squinted as his body trembled, overwhelmed with feeling. Intense zaps of pleasure chased away sleep, eclipsing any waking recollection of yesterday’s spilled trauma and letting Suzaku fully enjoy the glorious sensations. Sweat dotted his brow. “Pl-please…”

Lelouch did it again, smirking around Suzaku’s cock. One hand slid down the shaft to cup Suzaku’s balls as the other twisted along the hard length. Lelouch’s head bobbed up and down, his eyes never leaving Suzaku’s.

By now, Suzaku couldn’t see straight for an entirely different reason than drowsiness. Thoroughly immersing himself in his morning wakeup call, Suzaku managed to meet his boyfriend’s gaze. It was the saucy and knowing look in feverish purple eyes that finally brought Suzaku to the peak. Lelouch pulled off and manually aimed Suzaku’s tip up, leaving the brunet to come in spurts all over his own chest as he tasted climax. The sticky seed added a refreshing new layer on top of the dried and crusted mess from last night, making Suzaku hot with added pleasure. Lelouch worked him through the orgasm, his hand always pumping—because Lelouch never did things halfway, especially where Suzaku was concerned, and he always ensured his ideas materialized as successful results—until Suzaku was completely and utterly spent.

Weakly collapsing onto the bed, Suzaku let out a hearty groan. “Le…louch…” _What a way to start the day_. His nerves were tingling all over as he finally rolled his head and noticed his prince staring at him with a doting expression, ignoring his own erection pointing skyward. Suzaku felt his heart melt. “Thank you, Lelouch.” _He **always** does so much for me_. He reached a hand out, but Lelouch scrambled back.

Shaking his head, Lelouch said, “This is about you.”

“Well, _I_ don’t like seeing my lover’s needs ignored.”

Lelouch smirked again, obviously plotting something devious. “Then I’ll take care of myself. Suzaku, you just lie back and enjoy the show.”

 _What?_ Suzaku gawked at him, his heart racing with renewed excitement and curiosity. _What is he talking about now?_ He remembered his wish from last night—apparently Lelouch wasn’t kidding when he said he’d keep it in mind—and he sucked in a breath.

With intentional flair, Lelouch revealed a hidden compartment beneath the floorboards and produced a wide, nondescript box. Whipping the cover off with his signature dramatic flourish, he presented the contents inside to Suzaku with a steamy look. “Choose your favorite,” he said, giving Suzaku more control. “What should I use on myself?”

Suzaku’s jaw dropped all the way, his brain as liquid as his recent release. _Sex toys. This is what he secretly used to get himself ready for anal sex. Hot **damn** , he’s got quite the selection_. His mouth watering, Suzaku jabbed his index finger at a long, thick, spiraled plug.

“Ah, the Corkscrew,” Lelouch said expressively. “An excellent choice, my knight.”

 _Holy shit, he names them?_ Suzaku felt himself impossibly start to stir again (proving that he could indeed stand back up again after near-total depletion). His blood pressure spiked as Lelouch climbed on and faced the foot of the bed, presenting himself to Suzaku’s greedy eyes from a decent vantage point; Lelouch always had thrived in the spotlight. It amused Suzaku to no end that in the midst of being unbearably sexy, his boyfriend could be so dramatically hilarious.

Lelouch’s cock twitched as he bent over on his hands and knees, wiggling his ass in the air for show and making Suzaku laugh. He reached for a bottle of lubricant he’d retrieved from his sex box before coating his digits and starting to finger himself open.

Suzaku couldn’t hold back a low moan as he stared, riveted, and hoped the spectacle never ended. His hand automatically migrated to his half-hard erection; he grasped himself firmly but didn’t stroke yet, letting the pleasure and anticipation build.

“O-ohhh, Suzaaaaaku,” Lelouch groaned, slipping his fingers deeper inside himself.

Belly clenching, Suzaku reached for his lover with his free hand but pulled back before making contact. Lelouch was getting lost in his fantasy, and Suzaku wanted to watch this magnificence ‘til the end. It was odd, yet gratifying, to hear Lelouch moan his name so wantonly when Suzaku really wasn’t even doing anything.

Slathering the Corkscrew with lube, Lelouch reached back and began to literally _twist_ it into his ass. His hole swallowed each slanted ridge with practiced ease, and his body shuddered and broke into a heavy sweat. His lecherous moans soared in pitch until finally the anal plug ‘screwed’ itself flush up his back tunnel. “Ahhhh, Suzaku, that’s it,” Lelouch gasped, sounding as pleased as if he’d accomplished all his grand life ambitions.

Suzaku wasn’t sure if Lelouch was actually talking to him or if this was just part of the routine, but his cock stiffened completely at his prince’s naughty tone regardless. Electricity surged through him, powered by his boyfriend’s increasingly randy display.

“Oh, _yes_ ,” Lelouch cried as he tugged the plug halfway out and jammed it back in. “Suzaku, please, harder!”

Suzaku mindlessly started to stroke himself in time with Lelouch’s savage thrusts, giving in to instinct as he idly observed, _Fuck. Lelouch really wasn’t kidding when he said he likes it rough. I don’t think even I pounded him this ferociously_. Suzaku suddenly felt irrationally jealous of the Corkscrew, unable to help the heat spiraling from his stomach. He wondered if Lelouch would mind too terribly much if he pulled the toy out of his prince’s ass and rammed himself up there instead. His libido roared just thinking about it, urging him to follow his primal instincts.

“Oh, _Suzaku_ , I need you…”

That did it. In a daze, Suzaku lavishly slicked himself up with the cast-aside lube.

Lelouch’s clammy forehead was pressed into his arm on the bed, his sweaty black hair falling around his face, so he didn’t even notice Suzaku make his move. Shivering, Lelouch gyrated back on the plug and pulled it mostly out—then yowled with desperation when it was suddenly plucked out completely. His anal muscles suffered a few spasms at the abrupt emptiness. “Suzaku!” he screamed, thrusting his hips back in search of his fill.

Suzaku groaned and draped himself over Lelouch’s back, one arm wrapping around the prince’s stomach to steady him and the other guiding his stiff cock to Lelouch’s entrance. New and dried come mixed with sweat as their bodies slid together, always in tandem. “Hold on,” Suzaku grunted. “I’m here, Lelouch! Do you…do you really want me?” His brain felt so muddled by Lelouch’s sexy little presentation, but he refused to insert himself without his prince’s express permission. _That_ much he remembered to do.

Lelouch trembled and turned his head to the side. Purple eyes were cloudy with pleasure and his breathing was brisk. “Oh, Suzaku,” he moaned, his eyelids fluttering. “I wasn’t expecting…” Jaw slack, he nodded his approval and ordered breathlessly, “Get inside me, my knight. What are you waiting for?”

Heaving a tremendous sigh of relief, Suzaku started to press inside. It was much, much, much easier to wriggle his way deep into Lelouch’s ass this time, considering the prince wasn’t tense and there was no resistance after Corkscrew had loosened him up so thoroughly. It was also easier to take him from behind like this. The entire atmosphere was different from their volatile first time, what with this being a spontaneous thrill ride. Shakily, Suzaku pressed his forehead between Lelouch’s shoulder blades as soon as he was all the way in. His arm tightened around his prince. “Okay?” he probed, rubbing circles on Lelouch’s stomach and pelvis. His fingers scratched through course pubic hair before he decided on his next move. It would kill him, but, he had to at least offer: “I can always pull out.”

Lelouch swiftly shook his head. “Don’t you dare!” He cried out and pushed back against Suzaku. “You feel so good inside me, Suzaku!”

“Better than Corkscrew?”

Lelouch’s gaze sharpened a bit as he looked over his shoulder at his boyfriend. “Was that a serious…shit, you’re really jealous?”

Suzaku hid his face in his prince’s back and started thrusting out and in. “No,” he said, his answer muffled and clearly insincere. Before Lelouch could comment, Suzaku reached his free arm around and started to stroke his erection. “You’ve been hard for so long,” he said lowly, lewdly. “Let me help you.” He kept plunging in deep and wild, aiming to outdo the stupid toy. For once he didn’t think about hurting his lover, maybe because Lelouch kept mewling and begging for harder, maybe because Suzaku himself was still half-asleep and drunk on pleasure—and had been since waking up with Lelouch’s mouth around him.

“This was…supposed to be…for you,” Lelouch panted. “Ah, Suzaku! There! More! Yes, yes!” His hips snapped forward and he came all over the bedsheets. He gasped for air as he put his head down, his spine dipping in an arc and his backside thrust high in the air. With a groan of encouragement, he passively let Suzaku hold up his lower body so the soldier could continue to plow into him with the force of ten Knightmares.

(Of the seventh-generation prototype, not those slow, outdated Glasgows.)

Suzaku grinned as he grasped Lelouch’s hips tighter, his hands sliding a bit on the prince’s slick skin. “This is for me, too. Watching you shove that plug into your hot, tight body…I couldn’t help myself.”

Lelouch chuckled weakly, slipping a little in his own ejaculate and satiny sheets. “Self-control. Never one of your strong points,” he remembered.

Frowning, Suzaku defended himself, “I’ve come a long way since I was a child.” It was actually best not to think about—

“True. And besides, I didn’t say I disliked this, Suzaku. It’s flattering.” Lelouch was still breathing heavily, shaky from orgasm. He started wincing at the oversensitivity but only continued, “That you can’t keep your hands off me…or your cock out of me.”

At the certainly intentional dirty talk, Suzaku shrieked and released inside his lover, only a fraction of his normal volume squirting out. He dropped onto Lelouch completely, and his weight made them both fall; he crushed his delicate lover before remembering to roll them onto their sides into a spooning position, his softening cock still buried inside Lelouch. “Is this okay?” Suzaku panted, nudging tan hips against Lelouch’s and bringing his attention to their sustained carnal union.

“Definitely,” Lelouch said, his voice filled with tenderness. “Suzaku, don’t ever leave me.”

His mind relaxing at the loving order, Suzaku blinked and settled more fully against his boyfriend. “Yes, Lelouch.”

-+-

“Ah, Suzaku, you totally _wrecked_ my ass. I’m gonna feel that one for days.”

Suzaku opened his mouth—

“And don’t you dare say ‘sorry,’” Lelouch added around a yawn, still waking up.

Suzaku smiled and kissed the side of Lelouch’s head. “Sorry-not-sorry?” he offered, making Lelouch wrinkle his nose. “All right, sorry,” Suzaku laughed, referring to his poor-taste joke.

“Suzaku!” Lelouch warned. “I want to enjoy our bath, not be mad at you. Don’t apologize for it. I loved every second.”

Suzaku’s arms squeezed tighter around his prince in surprise and gratitude. The calming scent of lavender soap permeated through the bathroom, relaxing Suzaku further.

Lelouch sighed happily and pressed his bottom backwards against his boyfriend. The bath water swished around them, already cloudy from the filth flaking off them and floating around. “It turns me on when you use your strength,” Lelouch claimed. “Your power. And I’m proud of you for speaking up about what you wanted. That’s a big step.” He leaned back more fully against Suzaku, resting his head on the brunet’s bare, damp chest.

Suzaku flinched with guilt. Now that the haze of lust and sleep had left him—the nap following playtime had helped—he couldn’t believe he’d just climbed on top of Lelouch. Like a dog. “I shouldn’t have done it that way,” he said, unable to keep his mind from replaying his mistakes. “I was rude and inconsiderate—”

“—and really, really hot,” Lelouch interrupted, always stepping in to drown Suzaku’s self-derisions with compliments. “Honestly, if I’d thought you wanted it, I would’ve suggested it in the first place.” He glanced up at his boyfriend, eyes half-lidded with relaxation.

Suzaku stared at the water as he considered this, mindlessly watching bubbles pop, and finally asked, “What in the world made you think I wouldn’t want to have sex with you?” His voice echoed off the bathroom walls, making the words sound extra odd. Tracing his hands down Lelouch’s chest, Suzaku lightly scratched at some leftover crusted come until it peeled off and joined its brethren in the warm water. “You’re my royally hot boyfriend. Who else am I gonna sex up?”

Unwinding further, Lelouch answered, “It’s not that. It’s just that you weren’t very enthused about anal sex last night. You said we might not even need it because you got everything you wanted from me when we grind together.” He sighed with pure bliss as Suzaku grabbed a washcloth and got to work scrubbing him clean.

“O-oh,” Suzaku remembered. _Lelouch really pays attention to **everything** , doesn’t he? _His chest felt as warm as their shared bath. He gently nudged Lelouch forward a little and bent him over so he could wash Lelouch’s back. This morning’s doggy-style sexcapade had spread Suzaku’s seed everywhere, much to his excitement and Lelouch’s visible displeasure. It was good to know that there seemed to be a time limit to Lelouch’s willingness to stay dirty. Clearing his throat, Suzaku said, “Yeah, I did say that. But…”

Lelouch nodded again, smiling with pure and simple understanding. “I would never make you do anything you didn’t want,” he recapped. “So I was just going to give you a little exhibition. I certainly don’t _mind_ that you wanted more, Suzaku.”

“I wanted you so bad,” Suzaku admitted, nuzzling the top of his prince’s spine. “I was just so turned on, I wasn’t thinking straight.”

Lips curving, Lelouch jested, “Well, I certainly hope you weren’t thinking _straight_ , Suzaku.”

Choking on air, Suzaku fumbled with the washcloth for a moment, his imagination flashing to glowing lavender eyes and beautiful long pink hair. Her sweet breath on his lips and her long legs straddling his lap. Her strong voice beseeching, _I want to put the happiness back in your smile_.

Then Suzaku’s vision cleared and he got sucked into an addicting violet gaze. His heart flipped right into ‘home.’ Lelouch kissing him on the rooftop under a rolling thundercloud, lowering his walls just enough to let Suzaku in before building them up stronger around them both. Lelouch cooking him an authentic Japanese dinner, honoring his heritage. Lelouch defending him from Synclair Worth, among others, fighting for Suzaku’s well-being even when Suzaku himself didn’t prioritize it. Lelouch going fishing with him at the Kururugi Shrine, reeling Suzaku in for the long-haul. Lelouch planning a budget for their shared lives together, combining the practicalities of an adult relationship with their young ideals of romance and forever. Lelouch gifting Suzaku his control and body in one go, pushing past his own insecurities for Suzaku’s happiness. Lelouch holding him tight as he broke down, anchoring Suzaku to a promise of salvation and a future.

_You’re relaxed and happy. I’m just enjoying that._

_Let me make you happy, one night and one day at a time._

_You **deserve** to be safe and happy, nothing less. _

_My objective here has been achieved. You’re happy. That’s all I wanted._

_Are you happy?_

Suzaku pitched forward for a kiss, his heart overflowing. When he finally managed to tear himself away from his prince, he simply said, “Thank you for always putting the happiness in my smile.”

-+-

“Thank you for making me breakfast,” Suzaku said, raking his eyes over the domestic prince wearing his gift apron. It made something in Suzaku’s chest warm to see. “For lunch. I can’t remember the last time I had pancakes.” _Those things Miss Cecile cooked don’t count. You always do everything better._

There was a recognizable glow of warmth in Lelouch’s eyes as he piled more pancakes onto Suzaku’s plate. “You’re welcome,” Lelouch assured him. They’d put their dirty sheets in the laundry and ironed their clothes after taking their shared bath, so he was in an excellent mood. He slid into a seat across from Suzaku, wincing slightly at the movement, but didn’t touch his plate. Breathing deeply, he straightened in his seat and delicately mentioned, “After what happened yesterday, I think we need to come up with a plan.” Violet eyes bore into his.

Suzaku felt his heart drop before flipping unpleasantly at a conscious realization _. He’s bringing up my breakdown._ His stomach twisted into knots, as tangled as the modern political mess. Suzaku always seemed to embroil himself into complicated pickles, but his nerves never grew desensitized. _I can’t believe I lost control like that._ It was much easier to pretend it hadn’t happened and live a lie; he should have known Lelouch wouldn’t let it go. Not this time. “What kind of plan?” he asked hesitantly.

“I said I would help you and I meant it,” Lelouch said determinedly. “Only, and it pains me to admit it, I’m afraid I’m not the best qualified to help you through these sorts of problems.”

Suzaku lifted his head, ignoring Arthur as the cat jumped into his lap and meowed. “You’re the one who keeps saving me,” he blurted. The smell of maple syrup filled the room, almost as sweet as Lelouch’s attentions. Suzaku absorbed all of it avidly. “You don’t know how much you help without even knowing. Just by being you and being there for me.”

Lelouch’s face softened as he said, “That’s all well and good, but you’re still suffering.” Reaching for his depressed boyfriend’s hand, he tacked on, “I hate seeing you in pain, Suzaku.” He swallowed, gearing up for a bombshell. “I know you might not want to, but…I think we should consider getting _professional_ help.” From his tone and posture, he obviously anticipated a battle—and he was ready to go all out to get his way.

Suzaku’s hand tingled, and he relished the skin-on-skin contact. _Wow, he and Euphy are truly related_. _They even have the same solution in mind_. For some reason, Suzaku didn’t feel as cornered with _Lelouch_ broaching the subject. Looking at his boyfriend directly in the eye, he said, “My superiors in the military are arranging for me to talk with a therapist and get a mental health screening, if that’s what you’re talking about.” He fiddled with his fork, played with his pancakes. Clutched Lelouch’s hand. “I don’t really have a choice. It’s orders.”

Lelouch narrowed his eyes with distaste. “Maybe it will help, if you take it seriously,” he said. “I’ll go with you for moral support, if you’d like.” His defenses seemed to be lowering, but he remained guarded.

Suzaku smiled weakly. “It’s dangerous since it’s through the military, Lelouch. You shouldn’t get involved.” The last thing Suzaku wanted was for Lelouch’s secrets to be discovered because of him.

Lelouch pursed his lips before asking, “And just why are your superiors referring you for mental health services?”

The soldier shifted guiltily in his chair. “Well, um, they saw that I…overreacted…about what happened in Narita…” _Not the whole truth, but it’s still something._

Lelouch closed his eyes and pressed his fingers against his forehead. “I see,” he said stiffly. He opened his eyes, heightened resolve swirling in their violet depths. “Well, I can help if you want to find your own doctors instead. I know some who have worked with Nunnally over the years,” he said, his eyes piercing Suzaku’s from across the table. Effectively disarming. “And for now, how can I best help you when you’re, uh,” Lelouch asked, clearly searching for respectful words.

Suzaku sighed with discomfited acceptance. “More depressed than the color of your hair at midnight?”

Blinking, Lelouch tilted his head to the left. “Yeah, that,” he agreed slowly.

“We could come up with a sign?” suggested Suzaku, thinking back to what had worked for them before. “I’ll cross my fingers over my heart, like this,” Suzaku said, demonstrating the code, “so you’ll know when I’m feeling so down.”

Nodding pleasantly, Lelouch simply said, “All right. I can usually tell when you’re troubled anyway, but it’s good to have a foolproof way of communicating it, just in case.” He shifted his pancakes around on his plate, never once eating. “More importantly, once I know you’re in this state of mind, what should I do?”

Suzaku looked up to the ceiling in thought.

“Do you want space?” asked Lelouch, leaning forward over the table. “Do you want sex? Do you want a certain food? Do you want—”

Smiling appreciatively, Suzaku redirected his gaze to Lelouch’s face. “I think it’ll depend,” he interrupted. “How about I let you know what I’m feeling as it’s happening?”

Lelouch sat up straight, looking a little unsure at the vague plan. He arranged his bites of pancake in a line across his plate, everything in order.

“I already promised to communicate with you,” Suzaku pointed out softly. “Even during hard times. I won’t make you guess.”

It took a minute, but Lelouch finally nodded his agreement. “I just want to know exactly how to help,” he said earnestly. “I told you, Suzaku, I really want to be part of this. I’m here for you.” Like last night, he held out his pinky to bolster his words with a sacred promise.

Suzaku inhaled harshly, linking pinkies with his boyfriend. “Lelouch…” _I can’t believe he’s sticking by me, even though I’m so messed up._ _Would he stay if he knew the truth about my father? But I can’t take that risk._ Suzaku briefly wondered if he ever _would_ take that risk, and what might push him past this fearful hesitancy. Because right now… “Just being with you is enough,” Suzaku said fervently. “Other than that, I’ll keep you informed on what happens with the mental health stuff on my end.”

“Please do.”

Suzaku nodded and stuffed some pancakes in his mouth so he wouldn’t have to keep talking about such a sensitive topic. Old habits were hard to break.

-+-

“You’re perfect,” Suzaku moaned as Lelouch kissed the breath out of him. They were wearing their customized matching t-shirts—the ‘prince’ and ‘knight’ special-made set—as they kissed and groped on the bed. Then both shirts ended up on the floor, to be guests of honor at an iron party in the near future. There was the distant sound of a lawnmower attending to the Ashford Academy grounds, making them respectable again in much the same way Lelouch was ministering to Suzaku.

Face scrunching, Lelouch pulled back from a particularly heady kiss. “Be accurate, Suzaku,” he chastised lightly. A day ago, the compliment would have made him gloat. Now he saw it as an opportunity to prepare Suzaku for therapy; since he couldn’t be at the counseling in person, this was all he could do. Over the buzz of the lawnmower, he tutted, “That’s not true. We both know you’re aware of my flaws.” No matter how irrational and out-of-sorts Suzaku had been feeling during that one major fight, he’d still lashed out with carefully buried opinions on Lelouch’s vices.

Suzaku frowned at the reminder, but he couldn’t in all honesty refute it. “Your good qualities outweigh your bad ones,” he argued, jerking his chin to direct Lelouch’s attention to the shadows across the floor. In comparison, there was so much more light surrounding them.

“You didn’t say that though. You called me ‘perfect.’ If I was perfect, I wouldn’t have _any_ bad qualities,” Lelouch reasoned with a smirk.

Rolling his eyes, Suzaku groaned, “Do you _have_ to be so picky?”

Lelouch snorted. “Who are you talking to?”

“Good point,” Suzaku acknowledged with a small smile.

Nodding, Lelouch said, “As always.” Ignoring Suzaku’s exaggerated sigh, Lelouch said, “The main point here is to get used to this kind of talk.”

Suzaku rolled his eyes again and petulantly asked, “Why should I see a psychologist when you already psycho-analyze every word that comes out of my mouth?”

“Because you need special help that I can’t provide even though I wish I could,” Lelouch answered, his tone just shy of dry. He sat up a little straighter, purple eyes flickering with apprehension and curiosity. “You said your superiors want you to get counseling,” he recalled. “Is that standard procedure or…?”

Suzaku leaned his head back and answered, “Yes and no. It is standard procedure but they’re concerned for me. They’re requesting it be done sooner and more in-depth than usual.”

“I see,” Lelouch said again with a nod. “So they care about you?” Lelouch had a hard time believing anyone in the Britannian Army would genuinely care about a Number soldier, even one who had been promoted to warrant officer. Still, Suzaku kept insisting… Lelouch resolved to personally check into Suzaku’s superiors—right after his next major Black Knights operation was completed.

Smiling, Suzaku confirmed, “Yeah. I told you. The people I work for now are really nice.”

“Good,” Lelouch said firmly before backtracking. “Are these the people who called you away from me last time?”

Suzaku winced. “Well, yeah,” he mumbled. “But to be fair, I should have been at base.”

“I don’t care about that,” Lelouch said, worry lines around his eyes. “Were you in trouble with them after you left me?” The last thing he wanted was to cause Suzaku problems at work.

Suzaku shook his head with another soft smile, giving the same answer as he had during yesterday’s conversation. At least that probably meant it was true. “Nah, they gave me a lecture about responsibility but that was it. They could have done a lot worse.” He blinked as the background noise of the lawnmower abruptly cut off and said, his voice sounding louder in the sudden silence, “With everything that’s happened since then, I think they’ve forgotten.”

“Good,” Lelouch repeated, feeling himself unwind with relief. “I’m glad I didn’t make your life harder.”

Suzaku shook his head. “You never make my life harder, Lelouch.”

At that, Lelouch gave him a piercing look of disbelief.

“Okay,” Suzaku amended, rolling his eyes once more in exasperation, “you _don’t usually_ make my life harder.”

“That’s better,” Lelouch said, lowering himself down for another kiss. “Get used to sharing those hard truths, Suzaku. It will help in the end.”

Suzaku sighed. Then, with a glint in his eye, he said, “Sometimes I think your fashion sense is ridiculous.”

“On second thought, save it for therapy.”

-+-

“I don’t want to go,” Suzaku sighed. It was early Sunday afternoon now and he knew Lloyd and Cecile were waiting for him back at Narita. While the corpses had all been retrieved, Princess Euphemia was still directing recovery operations to address other effects of the widespread disaster. They were still pulling Knightmares from the mud and disassembling them for working parts; it was a tedious process. And not one Suzaku was very keen to return to, especially with boyfriend time as an alternative.

Lelouch draped an arm around his shoulder as they cuddled on the couch. “We still have time,” he said, always knowing what to say. “They can wait for you. Is there anything you wanted to do before heading back?”

Suzaku shot his boyfriend a quick glance and squirmed.

“Come on, tell me,” Lelouch needled.

Bracing himself, Suzaku shared, “I want to spend the night with you, but…”

“But what?” Lelouch pressed. “You can tell me anything, remember?”

Suzaku turned to look into purple eyes, reminding himself of their relationship’s headway. “I just want to savor being with you. I want it slow. I want to make it last.”

Lelouch tilted his head before nodding once. “We can _definitely_ do that, Suzaku.”

Wriggling again, Suzaku asked, “But don’t you like it hard and fast?”

Laughing gently, Lelouch said, “Yes, sometimes, but I’m not the only one in this relationship. Besides, I like being with you in any way. Leave everything to me.”

Suzaku found himself agreeing, feeling lighter, and he felt a stab of loss when Lelouch took his leave to do some errands. Suzaku spent the time catching up with Nunnally, asking her about how her sleepover with Milly had gone as they did art projects at the table outside. Being with Nunnally calmed Suzaku’s restless heart, the same as being near Euphemia. Arthur joined them and got into everything, making Nunnally laugh and Suzaku cringe through his own chortles. A couple hours flew by in this manner before Lelouch called everyone for dinner, presenting some kind of delicious oyster stew.

The three of them chatted like old times, with all of them carefully steering around the subject of Narita. Even Nunnally seemed to sense that Suzaku was still morosely affected. Arthur meowed at their feet until he got his own seafood, proving Lelouch’s prior observation that Suzaku truly spoiled his cat rotten. Dinner ended, and the blind princess seemed to expect that the two boys would sneak off together as she gave them a little wave and told them in a teasing tone, “Go have fun!”

Lelouch blushed and stared at his little sister, horrified at the innuendo slipping from her supposedly innocent lips. It didn’t stop him from reaching for his lover.

Suzaku felt warm, relaxed, and giddy as Lelouch took him by the hand. Purple eyes stared diligently into his, and Suzaku was barely aware of the familiar walk to his boyfriend’s room, his high tonight paralleling his deepest low from yesterday. Once inside, he took in the dimmed lights, creating a sensual atmosphere, and felt his body loosen further. He felt a real rush of victory when Lelouch deliberately took out his phone, turned it off, and shoved it into a drawer. “Thank you,” Suzaku breathed, feeling hopeful and happy. _This is just what I need. Simply to be with you. Only a pleasant dinner before stealing away uninterrupted. No mental breakdowns hanging over our night._

“Wait until I actually do something worth thanking me for,” Lelouch said deeply, then pulled Suzaku close for a kiss without waiting for a response. He kept their contact light and shallow, teasing Suzaku’s lips and making him yearn for more. Pulling back briefly, Lelouch said, “My goal is to give you the attention you deserve and send you off feeling as loved and relaxed as possible.”

His heart melting, Suzaku kissed him. _You leave me speechless. Every time._ He followed his lover’s lead, recognizing that Lelouch was doing as he’d asked and dragging things out. It was frustrating to go so slow after habitually charging forward at reckless speed to get to the newest and subjectively ‘best’ parts of their relationship, but it was exciting, too. He’d forgotten how satisfying it could be to simply _kiss_ Lelouch. Suzaku lost track of time as he controlled himself and fell against Lelouch, his brain going fuzzy at the prolonged kissing and light petting. His body ached for more, but it was a good ache. It made him squirm and moan. It made him desperate for his boyfriend.

At long last, Lelouch started to gently tug at Suzaku’s clothes. Backing them up to the closet, Lelouch continued to purposefully undress Suzaku, making the brunet shiver in anticipation. Finally, Lelouch pulled back to let his boyfriend catch his breath and took the opportunity to hang up the removed clothes. After all, they were _trying_ to go slow this time.

Suzaku chuckled, his limbs feeling warm and heavy. He reached up to return the favor anyway, delighting in stripping Lelouch. The prince had usually let Suzaku undress him, knowing the soldier enjoyed it, but it had been awhile since Suzaku had taken his time with the task, unwrapping Lelouch layer by layer. Suzaku sighed. Not rushing was sensual in its own right. His fingers and lips lightly danced over newly-exposed skin before he went for the next bit of clothing. It was like he was opening a present when he already knew what was inside, but it was still thrilling because he was getting exactly what he’d requested.

Clothes hung up properly—with no need for an iron party tomorrow, Suzaku mentally cheered—they picked up where they left off and started kissing and teasingly touching. The only difference was that now, they were naked. Suzaku’s blood heated and he felt a deep itch inside. Still, he mirrored Lelouch and kept things slow and light, shaking from the effort of holding himself back. He did, however, steer them towards the bed. If they kept going at this agonizing pace, Japan would be free of Britannia before they got anywhere.

Getting the hint, Lelouch languidly draped himself over the mattress and locked eyes with Suzaku. Making himself comfortable on the bed sheets, he held out his hand in welcome invitation.

His breath stolen, Suzaku climbed after Lelouch, unable to resist. If Zero attacked the Tokyo Settlement at the moment, Suzaku didn’t think he’d care—not until after he finished with Lelouch, at any rate. His heart thudded with adrenaline. Staring into Lelouch’s eyes so intensely, Suzaku could feel erotic energy zinging between them. He knew that both of them were focused only on each other, not pre-occupied with the mechanics of sex or driven by lust like before. They were free to engross themselves completely in the experience and drive it to new heights with their emotional connection, to share themselves fully with one another. They were ready to simply savor each other.

Hunkering down next to his lover, Suzaku kept looking into purple eyes. He reached out to stroke Lelouch’s face, making his eyelids flicker. Lelouch’s hand reached out to rest on Suzaku’s lower back over the Shinjuku scar tissue—not because he needed the anchoring point anymore, Suzaku remembered, but because it was an essential component of their emotional journey throughout their building relationship. Their breathing slowed and synchronized the longer they lay together, exchanging sexual electricity. Suzaku sunk into some relaxed, meditative state where he felt closer to Lelouch on a deeper level than ever before.

It was just the soul therapy his heart needed after being ripped apart in Narita from the inside out.

Now Lelouch was stitching him back together with love and attention only he could give.

The skilled prince was always stitching Suzaku up, the soldier remembered in the back of his mind. He remembered Lelouch taking care of him after he’d gotten that nasty scrape on his side at Lake Kawaguchi; now Lelouch had progressed to healing internal, emotionally fatal wounds.

Sighing with pleasure, Suzaku slowly leaned in and sought another kiss.

Lelouch kissed back at first before moderately pulling back, smiling. “I’m going to give you a massage,” he announced easily. “A normal one, this time,” he amended, eyes twinkling. He meant no come this time, Suzaku realized with a snort. Lelouch exhaled gradually and said, “Well, I’m going to rub scented oils into you. Then I’m going to spoil you worse than you treat Arthur and you’re going to lay back and enjoy it, Suzaku, understand?”

Suzaku raised an eyebrow but laughed at his boyfriend’s antics. _So that’s what he went out to buy this afternoon_. _Lelouch, you minx_. “I always follow orders, my prince,” he snarked back boldly. He obediently rolled over onto his front and moaned when he felt Lelouch’s weight settle on his hips. He heard Lelouch’s deep chuckle above and behind him, and he felt a stream of massage oil poured onto the base of his spine. He shivered. He moaned again, voice lower and huskier, as he felt Lelouch’s thumbs press deep into his skin and slide the massage oil up his spine to between his shoulders, before his hands started to rub sensuously outward. Suzaku grunted as he felt tension being released, and he sank into the mattress. _This feels wonderful._ He groaned as Lelouch started alternating between pressing deep into his skin and tapping on his lower back. “Where did you…learn how to do this?” he mumbled into his pillow.

After a brief pause, Lelouch said, “Where do you think? I looked it up on the Internet while the oysters were cooking. Sorry if it’s not the best. I’ve never done this before.”

“No, it’s heavenly,” Suzaku sighed. He never wanted to move.

Lelouch kissed up Suzaku’s spine, following the trail of massage oil.

Suzaku shook underneath him. “Ooooh, Lelouch…” He felt the heel of his boyfriend’s hand dig into his spine again, rubbing all the way to his neck this time. “Yesss…iie, haaaaiiii…”

Lelouch repeated the motion, alternating between rubbing gently and with a little more friction. “Still good?” he asked smoothly.

Nodding, Suzaku shifted and settled into a more comfortable position. “Always.” His skin was heating up. It felt glorious.

Chuckling again, Lelouch kept lavishing Suzaku with attention. When all the massage oil had been successfully rubbed into tan skin, he turned around and took the soldier by surprise by massaging around Suzaku’s ankle tendon. He hit some kind of pressure point, and Suzaku jolted as he experienced a penetrating wave of tingles up his leg, through his cock, and even inside his ass.

“Fuck, Lelouch,” he gasped. _What the hell was that? Kami-sama, do it again!_

Lelouch’s chuckles grew deeper and he repeated the action. “Just a little trick I found online,” he said nonchalantly. “This pressure point around your ankle tendon stimulates your prostate and genitals. Useful for us, huh?”

Suzaku groaned and pressed his face into the pillow again. “I can’t complain about your research,” he said, his voice muffled.

“Certainly not,” Lelouch agreed. “You benefit every single time.”

Relaxing further with a noncommittal grunt, Suzaku heard Lelouch splash some more massage oil onto—something. He frowned into the pillow. _He’s not pouring it on **me**. What is he do—ohhhh!_ He vibrated with sweeping tingles as Lelouch pressed himself flat to Suzaku’s back and rubbed his grease-slathered body up and down repeatedly. “Oh my god, Lelouch,” Suzaku moaned brokenly, feeling higher than the clouds.

“Just wait for it,” Lelouch baited. He removed himself and prodded Suzaku to roll over.

Feeling extremely lethargic, Suzaku did as he was ordered. His eyes immediately sought Lelouch’s, and he felt a spark when their gazes connected.

Lelouch couldn’t resist leaning down for a light kiss before pulling back and smirking down at Suzaku. Slowly, with green eyes following his every move, Lelouch made a show of dousing himself with massage oil again—Suzaku’s blood heated—and rubbing it slightly into his own chest. His smirk widened as he pressed himself flat against Suzaku’s front this time and repeated the motion of rubbing his whole body sensuously up and down.

Suzaku’s cock roared the rest of the way to life as he grabbed at his prince and hauled him up for a burning kiss.

Lelouch gave in to the rough contact for a moment before tearing himself away, still smirking much to Suzaku’s exasperation, and leaned down to graze his teeth over the Japanese boy’s nipples.

Suzaku jerked again, his leg twitching, and his head fell back as he moaned an order. “Oooohhhh, Lelouch…s-suck them…”

At once, Lelouch changed tactics and heeded the soldier’s command. His tongue flicked at Suzaku’s perked nipples as he sucked, taking turns to pay each one generous attention while his hands kneaded Suzaku’s pectorals. Lelouch’s own erection dug into Suzaku’s stomach, brushing Suzaku’s own, where he still straddled his lover. When Suzaku started wriggling too much under him, Lelouch lifted his head and stared into lustrous green eyes. “Suzaku,” he breathed on instinct, sounding like an adoring worshiper.

“Lelouch,” Suzaku breathed back, eyes and voice enraptured. “That was…indescribable. Now, please.”

But Lelouch only shook his head good-humoredly. “You said ‘slow,’ Suzaku,” he said. “I intend to deliver. We’re going to savor each other _all night long_.”

Suzaku moaned yet again, the unbidden sound reverberating around the bedroom. He felt light-headed, excited, and frustrated all at once. “You’re torturing me,” he complained blithely, eyes twinkling.

“Control yourself,” Lelouch commanded huskily, “and kiss me. Touch me, Suzaku.”

Arousal spiking, Suzaku lay his prince down and leisurely kissed his way along Lelouch’s body—down his face, his neck, his chest, paying extra attention to the nipples there, his abdomen, his legs, his feet, his toes, his arms, his hands, his fingers—before prodding him to roll over and doing the same on the other side. He kissed down Lelouch’s vertebrae and then over the curve of his buttocks, afterwards latching on to suck at the extremely sensitive strip of skin between the anus and scrotum. Lelouch moaned and thrashed, his foot twitching and his hips rutting against the bed. Grinning, Suzaku swept his tongue over Lelouch’s taint twice before continuing his downward journey, kissing along the prince’s legs and nuzzling into the backs of his knees. Sighing softly, he pressed extra kisses up pale limbs and shared, “I can’t get enough of your legs.”

It was Lelouch’s turn to moan again, and he deliberately rubbed one leg back and forth against Suzaku in response. The tease.

Kissing expedition done, Suzaku returned to Lelouch’s waiting arms and snuggled into his hold. Lelouch started running his fingers through his hair and stroking his face, making Suzaku sigh and melt. Their lips met, chastely at first—gentle, closed-mouth pecks and lip locks—before lazily escalating to involve tongue. Their bodies pressed together for heat and simple intimacy but didn’t rub.

Breaking a kiss to breathe, Suzaku said, “I feel so safe in your arms, Lelouch.”

Lelouch didn’t say anything, just wrapped him tighter in a protective embrace. His proud, purple eyes pinned Suzaku’s green from across the pillow.

Suzaku moved in again, wrapping himself completely around his lover. “I love pressing my chest to yours…feeling your heart beat against mine…it’s the most comforting feeling in the world,” he confided in a heartfelt whisper, as if _this_ was his deepest secret. His eyes were dark and intense.

Lelouch tilted his head down and kissed him in agreement.

They spent longer simply making out naked than they had since heavy petting was the furthest they’d gone. Time seemed to stand still in their enclosed cocoon of intimacy. They took a long while rediscovering one another, almost like it was the first time they were seeing each other naked—only they were more comfortable and in-tune with each other due to months of practice and strong, mutual trust. Their hands gently grazed each other’s skin, their eyes never breaking contact when they were open. Their hips started to smoothly bump against each other of their own accord, but neither moved to either stop or thrust harder. When they felt too hot or close to the edge, they pulled back and simply breathed together, lost in each other’s eyes and getting themselves under control before starting all over again. It felt electrifying, riding these continuous waves of arousal, teasing themselves to the brink, and sharing the experience while cherishing each other on a more profound level.

Lelouch was the one who finally wrenched their lips apart and gasped, “Suzaku...are we going to…?”

Suzaku smiled. “I want to be as close to you tonight as possible, my prince. I don’t _need_ to be inside, but I wouldn’t say no if you wanted it.” (Maybe Suzaku liked anal sex better than he’d thought after all, as long as Lelouch wasn’t truly hurt. Having a boyfriend eager for it helped.)

Lelouch smiled in return and swept the back of his hand tenderly down Suzaku’s cheek. “Good. _I_ need to feel you deep inside me.” He reached for the emergency stash of lube under the mattress and handed it over to his boyfriend, always prepared.

Suzaku kissed him soundly as he torturously worked Lelouch open in back, dedicated to the process. He eventually fingered his Britannian boyfriend loose enough to continue, and Lelouch moaned low and deep as Suzaku finally inched inside. Suzaku worked himself in to the hilt and leaned down for more kisses; Lelouch’s arms came up to wrap around his neck and shoulders. Honoring their purpose to relish the experience of _being_ together rather than to achieve mind-blowing orgasms, they continued to languidly kiss, touch, and stroke as Suzaku settled himself inside Lelouch. Suzaku rocked his hips in tiny circles but didn’t thrust outright. Lelouch swept his hands down Suzaku’s back and buttocks, grabbing hold of the fleshy globes and holding him in place.

“Ah, Suzaku, I can feel you…”

Suzaku smiled wider and nuzzled into Lelouch’s neck. He found it scary to think back on how he wanted to be buried under the mudslide, and he was overcome with gratitude for the chance to be buried inside his prince instead. “Is it good, Lelouch?” His voice was warm and hopeful.

Lelouch nodded passionately. “ _So_ good, Suzaku. You’re so deep…”

Suzaku chuckled and pressed light kisses all over the prince’s face, and Lelouch tilted his head up for more. Sighing softly, Suzaku said, “I just want to stay like this forever. Being inside you, kissing you…it’s so peaceful…so intense…” He started to rock his hips in short, gentle thrusts. “Just being with you, my prince…staying connected to you…” It felt better than anything Suzaku could hope to imagine.

Lelouch nodded again in complete agreement, violet eyes glazing over. “You’re…ah, perfect…”

Catching his gaze again, Suzaku smiled and leaned down for more kisses. His hips alternated between fast and slow thrusts as their focus shifted to kissing and touching again, losing themselves in each other. What they had was more than primal connection. Suzaku’s orgasm crept up on him, stoked to new heights by the slow, sensual burn building the entire night. He squinted but managed to stare into Lelouch’s loving eyes as he came, feeling more attached to his boyfriend than ever.

Lelouch stroked the sides of his face again, reaching up to press kisses into his neck. He mewled and his whole body quivered in ecstasy as Suzaku’s powerful release pressure-washed his prostate.

Suzaku rolled to the side, still intimately connected to Lelouch, and reached out to clasp hands with his prince. Together, they brought their joined hands to Lelouch’s erection and slid it between their palms. They stroked up and down in sync, interwoven fingers around the prince’s cock, and it didn’t take long before Lelouch followed Suzaku over the edge.

“Don’t leave yet,” Lelouch ordered breathlessly, clenching around Suzaku. Violet eyes were brilliant and glistening with unlocked emotion.

Suzaku shook his head. “I’ll never leave you,” he promised, caught up in the heat of the moment. He cupped his boyfriend’s face and sighed, more tranquil than he could ever recall feeling—even after their first time. He felt completely replenished after the harrowing emotional distress he’d recently been subjected to. He sighed softly, deeply satisfied, and said, “I love you, Lelouch.”

Lelouch smiled like the sun emerging from the clouds, his entire face reflecting Suzaku’s feelings perfectly. “I love you, too.” Their hands met again and their pinkies linked for a few seconds, saying everything that mattered.

Of course Suzaku had to leave back to the military come morning, but for the rest of the night, they cuddled, spooned, and delighted in trivial pillow talk as if their separation wasn’t looming over them.

They’d never been so connected.

-+-

“I’m trusting you,” Lelouch said, completely emphatic, holding out Suzaku’s gun he’d secretly retrieved from the rooftop during yesterday’s errands.

Suzaku nodded solemnly and holstered his weapon, dreading but ready to return to his soldier duties in Narita. “I won’t let you down.”

-+-

Lelouch drummed his fingers on his desk as he waited for Suzaku to pick up. It took several rings, but his boyfriend’s winded greeting suddenly sounded on the other line.

“Sorry,” the soldier apologized meekly. “I had to escape my superiors and find somewhere private. I’m out in the middle of nowhere now. What’s up?”

Clearing his throat, inwardly thankful for working reception, Lelouch said, “I’m just calling to check on you and see how you’re doing.”

Suzaku sucked in an audible breath. “I’m fine,” he said fondly. “I’m doing much better. This weekend really helped.” He paused for a split second before asking in a rush, “But actually, can we not talk about the weekend? I—I kinda want to move on.”

Lelouch smiled, understanding perfectly. “Of course. Just let me say, I’m glad you’re doing all right now. I’ve just been worried.”

“There’s no need, my prince. Please don’t worry about me.”

Lelouch sighed, biting back the ‘idiot!’ that wanted to roll off his tongue. “But I do anyway,” he said daringly, “because I love you.”

Suzaku inhaled again over the line. “Lelouch, I love you, too.”

“I miss you,” Lelouch continued.

Suzaku echoed his sentiment.

Lelouch smirked and continued, his voice pitching deep and suggestive, “Suzaku, I’ve _really_ missed you.” It had barely been a day.

Suzaku choked. “Le-Lelouch!” After a tense moment, he asked in a hushed voice, “Are you alone right now?”

Lelouch turned to look at his door. Ohgi, Kallen, and the rest of the Black Knights were just downstairs in their mobile base. C.C. was off somewhere doing god knows what; something about meeting with an old contractor? Lelouch hadn’t been paying her much attention at the time, too busy weighing the merits of suggesting phone sex. The schoolboy-rebel leader licked his lips, answering slowly, “I am.” He delighted in hearing Suzaku’s breathing increase over the phone.

“A-ah, Lelouch, me too. I’m out in all the trees but there’s no one around.”

Lelouch bit his lip, imagining Suzaku in the Narita wilderness. It was still so open, so dangerous. He could be caught by anyone out for a walk. But for the most part… “Just you and the sound of my voice,” he said tantalizingly.

Suzaku moaned softly. “Y-yes, that’s all I need…”

Lelouch waited a moment and picked up on the distinct sound of rubbing. “Suzaku,” he groaned lecherously. “Suzaku, are you touching yourself?”

There was another moment of silence. Then, lowly, “What if I was?”

“Then that would make me so hot,” Lelouch answered without missing a beat.

“Then I guess I’m making you hot,” Suzaku breathed, open and confident instead of embarrassed. Their weekend really must have helped after all. Unless Suzaku was wearing a more impenetrable mask than the Zero helmet at the moment, he sounded genuinely interested as he asked, “Lelouch, my prince, what are you wearing?”

Lelouch looked down at his Zero attire. “A costume,” he revealed, deliberately vague.

Suzaku’s breath hitched. “Wha-what did Madame President put you in now? What kind of costume, Lelouch?”

The secret rebel leader smirked. “Something dark, slinky, and sexy. It’s so tight, Suzaku. The—ah!—the fabric is stretched threadbare around my cock now. I’m so hard.” This didn’t feel as awkward as he’d feared it might be, maybe because he was so comfortable with Suzaku already and they were both always open to spicing up their sex life. It was just something new they were trying together, and they intuitively seemed to be on the same page. Like usual.

Choking on air, Suzaku returned, “I’m in my uniform. My cock is straining, too. I’m—I’m rubbing myself over my clothes, but I’m about to reach for the zipper. Are you stroking yourself yet?”

Lelouch gasped and tried to control himself. He swallowed thickly. “N-not yet,” he answered.

“Oh, Lelouch, touch yourself for me,” Suzaku pleaded.

Blood racing, Lelouch reached down and rubbed the swollen bulge between his legs. His knees fell apart automatically and he slid a little lower in his chair, his head falling back at the naughty pleasure. “Ah, oh, Suzaku, I’m doing it. I’m fondling myself…”

“Does it feel good?”

“Ooooohhhh, yes…I’m imagining it’s your hand on me, Suzaku. You’re groping me shamelessly. I’m spreading my legs for you. Begging you not to stop.”

Suzaku moaned louder over the line. “Oh, Lelouch. I wouldn’t stop. I’d keep rubbing you. Pawing at you. I’d touch you so hard. I’d make you thrash. Your whole body would snap taut with pleasure and still I’d rub and squeeze you ‘til you saw stars.”

Lelouch bucked up into his hand, his focus narrowing to the tight coil of heat in his stomach. His cape fluttered a little from his jostling. “Ah, Suzaku,” he moaned. He massaged himself harder, shuddering at the friction of his Zero costume chafing at his erection. His eyelids fluttered shut as he kept touching himself through it. It would have hurt if the fabric wasn’t so soft and silken. “Suzaku, you feel divine. You’re giving me everything I need. My cock is throbbing in your rough grip. I’m—I’m going to come soon!”

Suzaku was panting for air on the other end of their connection. “Ah, your hand on me feels so good, too, my prince. You’ve backed me up against a tree, Lelouch, and you’re caging me in with your body. Your fingers have found their way inside my loosened uniform. They’ve wrapped around my naked cock and—oh, Lelouch, you’re stroking me so fast.” He let out a broken groan. “I’m telling you to hurry up so we don’t get caught but you slow down just to spite me. You’re teasing me now, barely grazing your fingers up and down my cock and I’m begging for more pressure. You’re toying with me so expertly. You know just how to bring me to the brink and pull me back before I fall over the edge. You play my body like your piano, so confident in how your fingers move. I’m loving this sweet torture. You’re smirking at me like you know I do and you’re giving me just what I want. You finally take pity on me and grasp me harder and—OH! _Lelooooouuuuccccccchhhhhhhhh_!”

Mindful of his potential audience, Lelouch tried to bite back his volume as he moaned and let himself go (“Ah, Suzzzzzzzaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!”) , spurred on by his lover’s climax over the phone. He sagged in his chair, sweat pouring down his face and breaths coming in stilted gasps. His pulse was jumping and his brain was melting. While that wasn’t exactly helpful for his current rebel role, Lelouch oddly enough found himself not caring. Suzaku was continuously proving himself to be worth more than the Black Knights, than being Zero.

Predictably, Suzaku got himself under control first. His voice came out a little steadier than it had been earlier. “Thanks, Lelouch. That was a lot of fun.”

“Indeed,” Lelouch puffed breathlessly. “We should...we should do it again.”

Laughing, Suzaku agreed. “Definitely.”

Lelouch smiled. “I’ll call to check in on you tomorrow, my knight. I love you.”

“I love you, too, my prince.”

It was several minutes later, as he was still coming out of his orgasm-induced stupor, that Lelouch realized he had a gigantic wet spot staining the front of his Zero costume.

-+-

C.C. laughed at him uproariously when she inevitably discovered what had happened, back early because she’d decided to postpone her personal meeting a week. For whatever reason, Lelouch didn’t care. “You keep that one,” she told him, gesturing to his costume. “If you need me as decoy, I’ll wear the spare.”

-+-

The following evening at the same time to the minute, Lelouch dialed his boyfriend again. Suzaku seemed to be expecting him because he answered quicker and with less surprise in his greeting. They’d talked on the phone while separated before, but they’d never called so often. Clearing his throat, Lelouch started things off with, “I told you I’d call to check in with you today.”

Suzaku laughed, the sound more carefree than it had been over the weekend. “Oh, Lelouch. I’m doing fine. You don’t _need_ to call every night, you know.”

Lelouch sniffed, “But I want to, so I’m going to. Naturally.”

“Naturally,” Suzaku echoed in a good-natured mocking tone.

Lelouch tapped his foot. “So how was your day?”

Suzaku was silent for a moment before answering, “It was long. There’s a lot of grunt work to the clean-up process but we’re getting things done. I can’t wait for it to be over, though.”

“Yeah, me too,” Lelouch said. “Ashford isn’t the same without you.”

That startled another laugh out of Suzaku. “Lelouch, you’ve been going there for years without me.”

“True, but you make it feel like home.”

Suzaku inhaled over the line again. “Lelouch…”

“I’m on the roof, Suzaku,” Lelouch said. “In _our_ spot.” He waited a moment to let it sink in before adding, “It’s one of the places I feel closest to you, besides our bedroom. It’s the closest I can get with you gone.”

Suzaku groaned. “Shit, Lelouch, stop making me feel guilty.”

“Trust me, the last thing I want to do is make you feel bad,” Lelouch promised, berating himself considering what the weekend had brought. “How about I do something to make you feel better? Do you want to…I mean, since yesterday was such a success…” He floundered, wondering where all his words disappeared to when he talked to Suzaku. The previous day, Suzaku had seemed to innately know where Lelouch was going with things.

Suzaku breathed deeply again. “Yes, Lelouch. I’m out in the trees again. I’m ready.”

“Okay,” Lelouch said. “So you can visualize, I’m in my normal school uniform. I’m going to assume you’re in your army uniform again.” He waited for Suzaku’s confirmation, which was a tad bit slow in coming. Deeming the pause unimportant, Lelouch directed, “Let’s try a shared fantasy this time. Here, I’ll go first, and then you add on, okay?”

Suzaku chuckled, sounding both amused and nervous. “Geez, Lelouch, you’re so clinical. But yeah, sure. Start us off.”

“I’ll start easy,” Lelouch offered. “I’m kissing you.”

“Wow, Lelouch,” said Suzaku, deadpan.

Lelouch narrowed his eyes and breathed heavily. “Fine. I’m sealing my lips to yours as I back you up against the wall. You’re moaning for me, so I take the opportunity to lick into your mouth. My tongue runs along the back of your teeth before flicking up at the roof of your mouth, and your tongue pins it there and rubs so strongly against the bottom of it. Your hands are in my hair and your legs are spreading to let me settle between them as I keep kissing you. My hands are running everywhere over your clothes. I want to rip them off but I’m restraining myself and focusing all that desire and energy into our kisses. I can’t stop kissing you. You’re irresistible. Was that better, Suzaku?”

There was a stunned silence from the other end. “Holy…shit…Lelouch,” Suzaku gasped. “How am I supposed to follow that? Did you come up with all of that just now?”

“First I didn’t give you enough, now I gave you too much? Make up your mind, Suzaku,” Lelouch mock-complained, ignoring the question. Sometimes his brilliance happened on the fly, but he didn’t know whether he should be proud of it this time or not. Besides, hadn’t Suzaku shared a pretty in-depth fantasy yesterday? Focusing on his breathing, Lelouch urged, “Also, it’s your turn. Go.”

“I’m…I’m kissing you back. My hands are tugging at your hair. I’m feeling so much at once and it’s electric. I still need more. I let go of your hair to start tugging at your clothes because I’ve never claimed to have as much self-control as you. My body is on fire and I need to feel your skin. I’m…uh…I’m undressing you and I duck to kiss down your chest instead.” There was the sound of heavy panting now over the phone as he finished, “I’m grazing my teeth on your nipples before biting down—hard—just the way you like. Go, Lelouch!”

Lelouch moaned and shoved his hand down his pants. “I scream as you bite my nipples and I’m thrusting my hips up against yours. I let you undress me. All of me. I’m so hard, Suzaku. I need to feel you.” He leaned his head back against the wall of the roof, eyes slipping shut as he listened to Suzaku. His rubbed at himself harder. “A-ah, Suzaku!”

Taking his name as a cue, Suzaku launched into his turn. “I’m rocking back against you, giving you what we both need. My hand slips around to start stretching you—”

“N-no, I’m already stretched and ready for you,” Lelouch interrupted and corrected their fantasy. “I prepared myself before you got here, anticipating your touch. You can just put your cock in me. I need it. Go.”

“Oh, _Lelouch_!” Suzaku groaned. “Yes, I’m sliding in now. Your ass is so tight. It’s tugging me deeper. Go.”

“I’m clenching around you, keeping you inside me. I need you to move. You’re driving me crazy, Suzaku. Go.”

“O-oh, Lelouch, I’m thrusting now. Back and forth. Each time I go faster, knowing you like it rough. I’m hitting your sweet spot. Go.”

“Su…zaku…I can’t…”

“Let yourself go, Lelouch. I want to _hear_ you.”

Lelouch threw his head back and cried out his release to the sky. Trying to catch his breath, he adjusted his cell under his ear and asked, “Did you…Suzaku…did you…”

Suzaku groaned. “Y-yeah, Lelouch, listening to you did it for me.”

Lelouch smirked, satisfied but tired. “It always does,” he observed fondly.

“Because I love you,” Suzaku said softly.

Lelouch smiled and took his sticky-coated hand out of his pants. “And I love you. Same time tomorrow?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

-+-

Before their next phone date, Lelouch got a call from Ohgi informing him that Black Knights scouts had (better late than never) found the White Knightmare—it was still in Narita doing clean-up, what a surprise—and had successfully planted a tracking device on it. Now they’d be able to locate its base of operations and take care of the Knightmare and the research behind it in one fell swoop. Smirking as his plan came together, as always, Lelouch settled back and waited to secretly celebrate to his lover’s voice.

-+-

Suzaku couldn’t contain his nerves as the day wound to an end. He knew it was something small, but he was really looking forward to talking to Lelouch. He nodded to General Darlton and shot Euphy a smile as he passed by, slipping through the trees away from the encampment for his dose of private time. He clutched his phone in his trembling hand and mentally rehearsed some of the lines he’d thought up throughout the day in preparation. Unable to rein in his excitement, he dialed Lelouch first.

Lelouch answered with a pleasant, “I was just about to call you. How are you doing, Suzaku?”

“I’m _fine_ ,” Suzaku stressed. “Honestly, Lelouch.”

“Forgive me for worrying,” Lelouch said, and Suzaku could just imagine the sarcastically annoyed look on his face. “Hey, how is your mental health screening going?”

Suzaku winced. “Ah, well, the therapist hasn’t started to see me yet. It’s looking like tomorrow or Friday. This was kinda last minute on their end, and I’m, well, you know…”

“You’re an Eleven so they’re not breaking their backs over seeing you,” Lelouch discerned furiously.

Sighing, Suzaku mumbled, “Something like that.”

“It’s wrong, Suzaku.”

Even knowing Lelouch couldn’t see, Suzaku shrugged as an automatic response. “There’s nothing I can do about it now. I’ll let you know as things happen. I promised, didn’t I?”

Lelouch sighed over the phone line. “Yes, but I don’t trust other people.”

“Stop worrying so much,” Suzaku advised. “Hey, how was _your_ day?” Nothing like a good distractive maneuver.

Lelouch was silent for a moment. “It’s been boring,” he said. “You didn’t miss much. Arthur is affectionate. I slept through class. Rivalz babbled about his feelings for Milly. There’s too much unnecessary homework. You know, the usual.”

Suzaku felt a warm peace settle over him while listening to the everyday goings-on back home. “I’ll get back to all that soon,” he swore. “Until then, though…”

Lelouch laughed, rich and deep. “Impatient as ever, I see. That’s all right. I am, too. Suzaku, I’m naked on our bed.” Without a hint of embarrassment in his tone, he came clean. “I may have already…started touching myself. As soon as I heard your voice.” Taking a shuddering breath, he offered, “Do you want to kick us off?”

Suzaku licked his lips, feeling blood flow straight to his crotch, and remembered one of his boyfriend’s favorite fantasies. “Y-yeah. Okay, here goes. We’re in your room and I’ve handcuffed both your wrists to the headboard. I’ve put a blindfold over your eyes and you have no idea what I’m going to do to you—not that you could stop me anyway.” He reached down to rub his stirring erection through his flight suit. “Your hot, naked body is glistening with sweat and you’re writhing on the bed. I’m drooling just looking at you. I haven’t even touched you yet but you’re so hard for me. Go.”

Lelouch let out broken moans at the dreamed-of bondage scenario. “Oh, Suzaku! That is—I—ah, I’m shivering all over, waiting for you to touch me. I can’t stand not knowing what’s going to happen but I know because it’s you that it’s gonna be good. I’m arching up, searching for your hands, your lips, your—” He broke off suddenly, lascivious tone turning businesslike as he apologized, “Oh, hold on, Suzaku, I have another call. I have to go. I love you.”

Left with an abrupt dial tone, Suzaku could do nothing but stare at his phone with disbelief.

It worked out in the end because Euphy trailed into the clearing less than a moment later, clearly having followed him after escaping General Darlton, and Suzaku really wouldn’t have known how to explain why he was fisting his cock under the Narita trees.

-+-

“What was that yesterday?” Suzaku demanded before his prince could even utter a greeting. “You never even called back or answered me. Your line was constantly busy.” He could just imagine Lelouch’s careful frown at being questioned, especially about those enigmatic phone calls.

Lelouch sighed. “Look, I’m sorry. It was important. I had a lot of things to take care of. We’re…planning something big, okay? When I beat my opponent, the payoff will be tremendous.”

Suzaku glared at the trees and shredded some grass, his ire and circumstances giving him the boost to tackle this problematic topic again. At least he wouldn’t have to see Lelouch’s face while they argued. “Oh, great, the _payoff_. You know, Lelouch, I’m getting really tired of being shoved to the side when you get these mysterious phone calls. Especially because you always seem to prioritize them during _our moments_.” He couldn’t help how vulnerable and infuriated he sounded.

Sucking in a breath, Lelouch assured him, “I understand, Suzaku. You have every right to feel that way.”

“Yet you’re still not gonna tell me anything,” Suzaku guessed with an audible sneer.

“I told you, I _can’t_ ,” Lelouch said. He actually sounded regretful. “You wouldn’t understand.”

Suzaku threw his free hand in the air, incensed. “I don’t understand _now_!” He kicked at the ground with his heel, overcome with resentment. He hated not knowing, because then the answer could be any number of dark prospects; he just wanted Lelouch to prove his unsettling theory wrong—to verify that there was _zero_ chance that Lelouch could be leading the Black Knights in their treacherous schemes. The soldier dismissed the notion after a nanosecond—thatcan’tbetrue thatcan’tbetrue _that **can’t** be true_ —but the lingering fear and anger from the idea continued to explode out of him. “Seriously, Lelouch, sometimes I just feel like ripping your damn phone right out of your hands and _snapping_ it in half!”

Lelouch breathed in sharply. “Su…zaku…”

“Oh my god, you’re turned on by that?” Suzaku demanded, hearing it in Lelouch’s voice.

Lelouch swallowed loudly. “I told you, Suzaku. I get _excited_ when you use your power. Your strength. When you take what you want. It’s so sexy.” He was having a harder time breathing steady.

Suzaku frowned, feeling hot and bothered despite himself. Listening to Lelouch always got him going. Taking a deep breath, he thought of a crazy idea to try to get through to his lover and plunged on, “Lelouch, I’m pinning both your wrists forcibly to the wall with one hand and stroking you slowly with the other. I’m winding you up to the point you just can’t bear it anymore and you’re begging me to let you come, but instead I’m slipping on a cock ring so you can’t until I allow it.”

There was a low moan from Lelouch’s end of the phone, but Suzaku couldn’t tell if it was pained or aroused. Possibly both.

Suzaku continued, “You’re so taken by surprise you don’t do anything when I push you down on the bed and tie both your hands and feet to the board panels. You can’t move an inch and watching your strain is delicious. To keep you constantly worked up, I slip a vibrator up your ass where it lodges itself against your prostate and makes you gasp with pleasure. I own the only controller and I slip it in my pocket as I leave you to it. I’m off to work and I won’t see you for at least a day, maybe more, so you have to either wait for me to give you release or be found in this state by Sayoko, or maybe even Milly.”

“Fuck, Suzaku, Milly?!” Lelouch’s voice was hoarse with disbelief and underlying zeal at the idea of being caught like that. Suzaku knew what he was doing.

Suzaku smirked. Ignoring Lelouch’s exclamation, he said, “Maybe she’d even take pictures and put them in the yearbook; you’d get a whole two pages dedicated to you and my yearbook will be the only one you’ll autograph. You’ll be sweating and panting like mad. Your eyes will be so glazed over from constant waves of pleasure. Your cock will be so swollen and your whole body will be buzzing, teetering right on the edge. By that point you’ll be absolutely _delirious_ with the need to come, but right now that control is still in my hands and I don’t feel like being nice. I’m going to string you along as far as I can to the absolute breaking point, all while you beg and beg and beg to no avail.”

“Suzaku…”

Letting a lengthy pause linger between them, Suzaku finally slammed his point home. “Now you know the torturous, excruciating frustration I feel, Lelouch. So, are you going to let _me_ come or not?” In a hard voice, he warned, “Don’t try to pull some grand romantic gesture or distract me with sex this time. I’m done with that.”

Lelouch made a low choking sound. “You…you made your point, Suzaku, very eloquently. However, I’m afraid I have to be cruel just a little while longer.”

Closing his eyes for a moment, Suzaku leaned his head back against the tree. “Lelouch, I’m tired of fighting over this.”

“Have my secrets become a breaking point? A deal breaker?” Lelouch asked, sounding both fearful and resigned.

Suzaku chewed on his bottom lip as he thought it over. Finally, watching the sun set in the distance, he said, “Not yet, Lelouch, but I’m afraid they might if this keeps going.” He took several deep breaths, feeling more conflicted than when he’d first enlisted as an Honorary Britannian soldier. “I don’t understand, my prince. The last time we saw each other, we were the closest we’ve ever been. What’s happening to us now?”

“This is apparently a bigger wedge between us than we’d realized,” Lelouch speculated. “It’s pushing deeper because we’ve been opening up and—” He cut himself off and sighed deeply, as if realizing the impact of his own words. “Look, Suzaku, let me think a little on what I can tell you. I’ll try to give you _something_ more. Soon. Is that acceptable?”

Suzaku frowned. “Define ‘soon,’” he said, knowing how Lelouch worked vague promises to his advantage.

Lelouch chuckled knowingly. “Within the week. Does that sound fair?”

Suzaku unclenched his fist and stared up at the twilight-tinged treetops. “I suppose that’s the best I’m going to get right now, huh?” he asked. He exhaled through his nose, trying to let go of some of his worries and theories. “I’ll be waiting, Lelouch, and it _better_ be enough to explain some things.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, Suzaku,” Lelouch swore. He _sounded_ genuine, but that didn’t always mean anything, considering it was Lelouch. He hesitated but ventured, “Pinky promise. Are we…are we good now?”

Suzaku breathed out the rest of his anger and smiled wryly. “Yeah, Lelouch, we’re good.”


	18. Fair and Balanced

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys' last night together. You know, before that one crippling turning point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented, left kudos, started following my Tumblr, etc.
> 
> Posting unbeta'ed work again. *GASP* Considering I usually go back and tweak things based on reader feedback ANYWAY, this really shouldn't matter too much. SPEAKING OF, I started revising earlier chapters of this prequel to tighten the narrative and fix some writing problems. But it's taking a loooong time. So, uh, check back periodically for better chapters? (Note: I already revised the Chapter 4 Lelouch-baiting-Suzaku-into-confessing-while-playing-chess scene referenced in this chapter.) ~~This fic is never going to be perfect, but at least the prequel is done and I'm trying. Whoo. Someone give me a kitty.~~
> 
> Um, it's Thursday SOMEWHERE, right? Happy Thursday~
> 
>  
> 
> ~~Comments are love again. I adore knowing what readers liked and/or noticed.~~

“I know it’s early, but it’s Friday, people!” Milly cheered, working her magic. “Today’s Student Council meeting is over. Get out there and enjoy yourselves!”

Everyone relaxed and hurried to put away their paperwork. The sun peeked out from behind a cloud. Even the table seemed to stop sagging.

“Thanks, Madame President!” Shirley said buoyantly. She looked over the rest of the members and sidled up to Lelouch, paying no mind to Rivalz and Kallen along the way. Her destination was set with no time for detours, and she was a swimmer who knew how to dive in. “Um, hey, Lelou,” she said, wringing her hands. Then again, even the best swimmers sometimes needed to wade into foreign waters. “I know the opera didn’t work out a couple weeks ago, but do you think maybe now that we have some unexpected free time, you and I could—”

Suzaku froze at the table, overhearing. He frowned and told himself to act casual, though that seemed more implausible than escaping prejudice. He’d always known Shirley had feelings for Lelouch, but now it seemed she was doing something about it. _What was that about an opera?_ A heated energy coiled in Suzaku’s stomach, resentment rising like compressed lava, and his hands itched to grab Lelouch’s in front of everyone. In front of Shirley.

“I’m sorry, Shirley,” Lelouch cut in with practiced ease.

The fire licking Suzaku’s veins died down but didn’t disappear. His mind was buzzing now instead of roaring, the ground beneath his feet stabilizing after a stroke of shaky tremors. He dared to turn and watch, fiddling with his backpack so he didn’t appear to be eavesdropping. He’d been in a similar situation when he’d first started Ashford, but by now there emerged one key difference: Lelouch had given _Suzaku_ his heart.

Not that people knew.

The sunlight dimmed again, covered by drifting clouds as it streaked towards twilight. Lelouch offered Shirley a genial smile, but Suzaku could see the strained shadows lurking in his eyes. How could Shirley not sense how annoyed Lelouch truly felt? It was glaringly obvious to Suzaku, and he wasn’t even standing as close as Shirley to the light. Maybe she was simply blinded by Lelouch, and if so, he couldn’t even blame her; Suzaku felt queasy thinking himself a hypocrite.

When Lelouch took a meaningful step closer to him, saying softly, “I already had plans,” then Suzaku relaxed even further. Lelouch’s attachment was freeing.

After being chained to Narita for a second week in a row, mundane things like Student Council meetings felt irksome. Still, Suzaku would suffer anything for his prince. Even jealousy.

Shirley battled a frown off her face.

“I’m sure you understand,” Lelouch finished, voice firm but kind. He pushed his chair in with polite finality.

Shirley clasped her hands together and nodded. “Oh, of—of course, Lelou! Suzaku’s your best friend and he just got back after so much time away. Yeah, I totally get it!” She took a step back, blinking yet failing to keep the tears at bay. Despite her submissive reaction, the atmosphere in the room remained tense. “You two have fun!” she blurted before dashing out the door, orange hair streaming behind her in her rush.

Everyone on the Council stared at Lelouch.

“Geez, Lelouch,” Milly said, disappointed. “Throw the girl a bone, won’t you?”

Lelouch’s face scrunched in disgust.

Forcing out a strained chuckle, Suzaku joked, “Don’t say that. Lelouch has a pretty weak arm.”

At the insinuated insult to his throwing prowess, Lelouch scowled deeper.

Suzaku didn’t mind. He’d make it up to his prince later. He’d even apologize for making Milly laugh at Lelouch’s expense. For adding to the awkward.

The giggle-sprinkled quiet stretched as Rivalz eyed Kallen and Lelouch with a speculative gleam in his eye. “Hey now,” he said, making a ‘time-out’ gesture with his hands. “Maybe Shirley’s not the one Lelouch is after. The guy’s gotta be true to his heart, ya know.”

Suzaku bit his tongue and held tighter to his backpack, enough so that the pressure made his fingers ache. Lelouch blinked and stood frozen, although Suzaku knew that this kind of invasive craziness always unsettled him. Milly cocked her head, eyes brightening with intrigue at the idea of Lelouch’s preferences. Nina shook her head and left, evidently having better things to do than witness Student Council drama; for once, Suzaku wished the others would follow her lead. Instead, things spiraled as Rivalz waggled his eyebrows at Kallen, making her take a quick step back. “Who, me?!” she cried, aghast.

“I’m not interested in Kallen!” Lelouch said, grimacing. He angled his body away from hers, towards Suzaku. His shoulders trembled and his fingers flexed by his sides, seeming like they itched to crush something; Suzaku had seen Lelouch clutch his black king chess piece in irritation often enough, like it was a personal stress ball—only the chess piece never yielded to force, which somehow fit Lelouch since he never bent in the face of adversity. Closing his eyes, Lelouch took several deep breaths and muttered, “Calm…no kill…” on every exhale. When he managed to get himself under control, he looked at Kallen with his normal mask in place. “That is, no offense,” he added coolly with a half-shrug.

“None taken,” Kallen said, her voice the firmest that Suzaku had ever heard from the sickly schoolgirl. It took him by surprise, but the strength of her conviction was welcoming indeed. For some reason, Suzaku suddenly liked Kallen a little more than he had two seconds ago. Shirley and Rivalz, on the other hand…

Frustrated, Milly threw her hands in the air. “What about Shirley then, Lelouch? I mean, you know now that she—”

“I’m not interested in Shirley either,” Lelouch said, his voice as calm as Nunnally’s yet decisive enough to match the president’s force. He made steady eye contact with everyone in the room, one by one, starting and ending with Milly as he tacked on some damage control. “I still like her as a friend.” He took another pointed step closer to Suzaku, pursing his lips. “Not that it’s any of your business,” he said with another frosty look at the remaining Council members.

Milly folded her arms across her chest. “It’s my business when my friends aren’t happy.”

“I think Rivalz is right,” Suzaku burst out, unable to keep quiet any longer. The others stared, and he fidgeted under the weight of their combined gazes. Kallen glared at him like a fierce warrior on the battlefield, unsettling his nerves but not deterring him from speaking his mind. “I think Lelouch should be with the person he wants to be with,” Suzaku jabbered, switching his school bag from hand to hand. “He shouldn’t force himself to date someone he doesn’t have feelings for just to make other people happy.”

Lelouch smiled his gratitude, and Kallen’s shoulders relaxed as she nodded in solemn agreement with Suzaku’s words.

“That’s right,” Kallen said, looking relieved that Suzaku hadn’t jumped on the Lelouch-and-Kallen bandwagon like it had originally seemed he would by agreeing with Rivalz’s initial impression. Wholeheartedly supporting Suzaku’s stance, Kallen said, “It wouldn’t be a true relationship. Everyone deserves to be with someone they really love and who can really love them back.”

Milly deflated with another concerned look at the door. “I know,” she sighed. “I just think that if you gave the poor girl a chance, Lelouch, you’d fall for her.”

“The girl is smokin’,” Rivalz put in—helpfully. He never could disagree with Milly Ashford for long. He still wasn’t redeeming himself in Suzaku’s book.

Lelouch narrowed his eyes. “This conversation is over,” he declared with the stern strength of a leader. He straightened and lifted his chin. “I’ve said all I intend to say on the matter. As for tonight, I’m going to spend time with Suzaku. Period.”

Suzaku felt the heat inside him turn rather pleasant and he took a step nearer Lelouch, bumping shoulders with him. A wave of relaxation swept through him at the touch, and he had to prevent himself from leaning into Lelouch. _It’s been too long, and he’s been driving me crazy all week._ Lloyd and Cecile had caught him spacing out several times, the soldier’s self-discipline slipping due to the prolonged separation and stimulating phone calls—which had helped but only done so much. Cecile’s gaze was turning a little too knowing for Suzaku’s tastes, but better her than Lloyd…

Better Lelouch than anybody in the entire world. Suzaku’s blood stirred, yearned for him, reveled in his touch… It never seemed enough. Their contact was short-lived as Milly came and draped a friendly arm around Lelouch’s shoulder, dragging him around the room—worse, away from Suzaku. “I’m sorry, Lelouch,” she said, and Suzaku’s eyes widened at the sincerity in her tone. “I’m just trying to look out for two of my closest friends.” She squeezed Lelouch’s shoulders in a one-armed hug, her face contrite. “If it bothers you that much, I won’t bug you about it anymore.”

Lelouch stiffened but allowed himself to be dragged. “I’d appreciate that, Milly,” he said, his voice as taut as a stretched wire about to snap. He looked over his shoulder at Suzaku and twisted free of Milly’s grip, his desperation palpable.

Honoring Lelouch’s glaring wish, Kallen offered everyone a small smile and turned to leave. “I’ll let you get started on your boys’ night,” she said on her way out the door, and Suzaku couldn’t keep a flicker of a smirk off his face because _Wow, she has **no** idea_. Milly sent one last, beseeching look at Lelouch before waving good-bye in defeat and following after, Rivalz trailing in her wake with puppy-dog eyes.

Both teens relaxed at everyone else’s departure. Suzaku tugged at his uniform collar and wondered how it had gotten so hot after so many people had just _left_ the room. He was burning up all over.

“Suzaku,” Lelouch said, and Suzaku thrilled at the way his boyfriend murmured his name—so full of meaning and feeling.

They met in the middle, and Lelouch raised his hand to cup Suzaku’s face. He pulled back at the last second, glancing at the door with furrowed brows and an uneasy twist of his lips. Suzaku understood, though it didn’t make the want disappear. His nerves sang as Lelouch stepped so, so close, teasing him as their chests _almost_ brushed together before moving aside. Suzaku swallowed, his gaze locked on Lelouch as he walked around the Student Council table. Suzaku’s feet followed automatically.

Lelouch slid into a seat, and Suzaku grimaced. He wanted to go to Lelouch’s room. Why weren’t they going to Lelouch’s room? Why weren’t they _already_ there? He’d follow his prince anywhere, though, so he too sat in a chair.

“Business first. How are you?” Lelouch asked as smoothly as he preferred his clothes. “You look better than last time.”

“Gee, thanks,” Suzaku snorted. He supposed Lelouch had a point. Suzaku knew he wouldn’t be able to control himself if they were alone in Lelouch’s room, and of course Lelouch had anticipated that and planned for this crucial conversation accordingly. Work before play, after all, and each had to be carried out under the right circumstances. Suzaku laughed, knowing how his boyfriend operated, and said with a hint of snark, “Glad to know you approve, my prince.”

Lelouch tilted his head with a frown, not letting himself be distracted. “You know what I mean.”

Sensing he wasn’t getting out of this, Suzaku sighed and rolled his neck. A good soldier knew when to concede the battle, and Suzaku liked to think himself a good soldier (if nothing else). “The therapist was delayed, like we talked about, but she finally made it out to the university this afternoon to do my first mental health screening.” He let the words hang in the air and idly tapped the table before sharing, “She’s figured out that I care about human lives and that I’m very self-disciplined.”

With a skeptical look, Lelouch complained, “I could have told her that.”

“Like I said before,” Suzaku said, the rhythm of his taps faltering, “why should I see a psychologist when I have you? Don’t answer that.” They’d been through it ad nauseum. Shaking his head, he tapped quicker and added, “She thinks I’m feeling stressed to perform at extreme levels because my father was famous and I subconsciously feel the need to live up to his legacy.” 

Placing his index finger on his chin, Lelouch said, “There’s an idea, though I’m not sure how she’d prove it. Do you think she’s right?”

“No,” Suzaku answered without thinking, his fingers suddenly still.

Lelouch cocked his head. “That was fast. If you think she’s wrong, what ideas do _you_ have instead?”

Sweating internally, Suzaku swallowed. “Uh, nothing. I dunno. I don’t have ideas.” _Besides the fact that I know **exactly** why I’m so messed up but I can’t ever tell anyone._

“But you’re sure her hypothesis is wrong?”

Suzaku nodded, feeling like he was getting sucked into a whirlpool. “I’m not trying to live up to my father,” he said, expertly blocking the truth like he was using the Lancelot’s shield. _I just want to make up for killing him_. “We’re going to have to keep digging, but that answer doesn’t feel right.”

Lelouch stared at him impassively before nodding. “If you say so, Suzaku,” he said, his brow puckering and his eyes flickering with uncertainty. “I’ll try to come up with something, too. I told you that I’m in this with you, so I’m going to do my part.”

Warmth exploded in Suzaku’s chest at Lelouch’s dedication. Like with the debatably overdone nightly phone calls, Lelouch always went overboard. Suzaku had never thought being more open about his emotional and mental issues would bring Lelouch closer to him, but he was glad for his accidental breakdown in hindsight. Lelouch’s secrets alone were turning out to be enough of a problem.

Scooting closer, Suzaku forced his thoughts towards positivity and promised, “I’m feeling happier now that I’m with you.” Their argument yesterday was all but forgotten in the joy of being face-to-face again. Being here, next to Lelouch, Suzaku wondered how he ever could have thought that Lelouch’s secrets could _actually_ break them apart. He was worrying over _nothing_. Suzaku leaned in more, voice dipping low. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too,” Lelouch purred, purple eyes hooded, and risked a wet, open-mouthed kiss. Business concluded, then. Pleasure, initiated.

Suzaku groaned and tugged his prince tight against him, nerves on fire after their involuntary separation. He could smell Lelouch’s soap on his skin, taste the heat of his mouth— It was sensory overload, and Suzaku basked in it as his heart pounded at the base of his throat. At the moment, he didn’t care if anyone on the Council came back. He wanted someone to see. He wanted _Shirley_ to see. No one returned, though, so Suzaku simply relished pressing so close to Lelouch again. Talking on the phone was never enough, even with all the saucy things they’d gotten up to throughout the week. He needed _Lelouch_.

They made it to the couch, bumping the landline phone off the small table in their struggle, and Lelouch tugged Suzaku down on top of him. Their lips met repeatedly in a frenzy around excited gasps, and their hips rocked automatically to the low buzz of the phone’s dial tone. An inferno raged inside them, demanding to be released. It was almost too much, too fast after two weeks spent apart (with one glorious oasis spent in each other’s arms in the middle of those dry spells). Not wanting to finish so early, Suzaku eased back and moved teasingly against Lelouch. His kisses slowed to sensual and languid, causing Lelouch to _melt_ and whimper beneath him.

“Suzaku…I can’t…” Lelouch’s eyes were fever-bright. His black hair was sensuous splayed out against the white couch cushion underneath. “It’s so hot. I need…”

Suzaku silenced him with another lingering kiss, hearing garbled conversation through the walls. “Shhh,” he hushed, softly stroking the curve of Lelouch’s cheek with his knuckles. Seeing Lelouch’s elated expression in response made Suzaku disregard the outside world, especially as the sounds of talking fell gradually away and no one entered the Student Council room. “I’ve got you.”

Lelouch let out a soft, trusting little sigh and leaned his head back against the couch. Eyes simmering, he reached up and wrapped both arms around Suzaku’s neck.

Suzaku sank down and gave him a slow, deep kiss. Then another, and another, until he lost track. One of Lelouch’s arms slid down to press along Suzaku’s back, holding him in a tight embrace; the other arm stayed curled around Suzaku’s shoulder, one hand gripping brown curls as they lazily kissed, taking their time to savor the warmth. His legs readily lifted to enclose Suzaku’s hips, and Suzaku thrust lightly, setting a tantalizing pace and stoking the heat between them higher. Back, forth, up, down, slip, slide. Cock on cock, separated only by the barrier of their sweat-soaked pants. Their ardent moans and gasps mingled in the air, hot and heavy around them. The slow burn friction finally pulled them over the edge as their passion consumed them. Suzaku cried out at their electrifying finish, and Lelouch let out a long, deep moan and his legs clinched tighter around Suzaku’s waist.

They lay tangled together, basking in the afterglow until the insides of their pants crusted over. Suzaku rested his head on Lelouch’s shoulder, dazed and happy. Lelouch relaxed his legs but continued holding Suzaku in place.

“That was…” Lelouch said, trailing off in the effort to find words.

Suzaku laughed. “Amazing?” he suggested.

“Euphoric,” Lelouch decided. He swept a loving hand through Suzaku’s hair and nuzzled his ear. “Welcome home,” he whispered.

Suzaku shivered deliciously. “What a welcome,” he half-joked. He lifted himself on weak arms and peered down at Lelouch with burning eyes, feeling a primal thrill as he took in his lover’s debauched appearance. His sweaty hands slipped a little on the futon couch. “Maybe I should stay away longer next time if this is what I get,” he goaded.

“Don’t you dare,” Lelouch snapped, violet eyes blazing up at him. He cupped Suzaku’s cheek and swept his thumb back and forth. “It was already hell without you.”

“Lelouch,” Suzaku sighed. He leaned down for another kiss and moved his attention down Lelouch’s chin to his neck before pulling back to clarify wonderingly, “Did we really just grind on the couch?”

Lelouch nodded.

“In the Student Council room?”

Again, Lelouch nodded.

“And come in our pants?”

“Yes, Suzaku,” Lelouch said, amused.

Suzaku raised an eyebrow. “And you’re not mad,” he pressed, “that you got your pants dirty?”

Lelouch shook his head with a soft smile. “Impossible,” he said. “It was so hot, my knight. Besides, clothes can be washed.”

“You’re incredible,” Suzaku breathed.

Lelouch preened under his admiring gaze. “I think we established that a long time ago.”

Suzaku rolled his eyes. “There he is, my conceited, egotistical boyfriend.”

“Were you expecting someone else under you?” Lelouch teased back, waggling his eyebrows the tiniest bit. It looked more comical than sultry, but it warmed Suzaku’s heart nonetheless. As did Lelouch’s follow-up: “I can make it worth your while.”

“I think you already did,” Suzaku jested. “I wouldn’t mind round two, though, if you’re up for it.” He pressed his re-awakening erection against his prince’s.

Lelouch let out a hitched breath and laughed, eyes smoldering. “I’m fairly sure that can be arranged. We should probably move this to the bedroom, however.”

Oh, so _now_ Lelouch wanted the bedroom. How inconvenient. “I don’t think I can make it that far,” Suzaku admitted. His cock twitched in agreement.

Lelouch snickered and canted his hips upwards against Suzaku’s, seductively soft and nowhere near enough friction. “You’re going to have to try.”

“Yes, my prince.”

-+-

Suzaku made it to the grand staircase before caving in to his desire and slamming Lelouch against the railing. He swallowed Lelouch’s gasp with a deep kiss, his hands already tugging at Lelouch’s rumpled uniform.

“Oh, Su- _zaku_!” The moaned name echoed around the wide room, sinking into the walls and furniture of the public venue. The vibrating air smelt crisp and fresh before dissolving into labored breaths. Instead of admonishing Suzaku, Lelouch blindly helped him open up his jacket and shirt before returning the favor, Suzaku moaning encouragement all the while as they made out with escalating fervor. Lelouch ran his hand up the strip of bare tan chest, causing Suzaku to tremble against him.

“Yesss, Kami-sama, Lelouch,” Suzaku groaned, kissing down Lelouch’s neck. He reached down to undo Lelouch’s pants, pleasantly surprised when all Lelouch did was wrap his arms around his shoulders. It must be some kind of holiday. “All right?” Suzaku panted, sliding one hand up Lelouch’s nape to grasp at his hair.

Lelouch nodded. “It’s been too long,” he mumbled. Not counting their tryst minutes ago in the Student Council room, of course. “I don’t care anymore. I just need you, Suzaku…”

Rocking his hips twice, Suzaku reached down and slid his hand into Lelouch’s open pants and underwear. He wrapped his fingers snugly around Lelouch’s stiffening cock, already covered in dried come from their heated grinding. He grinned against a pale neck before latching on, sucking for all he was worth as he stroked his boyfriend towards another orgasm. His other hand tugged at silky hair, making Lelouch quiver and moan into his ear before throwing his head back and pushing his hips forward into Suzaku’s hand. Suzaku felt Lelouch’s fingers clench in the loose fabric of his uniform as he held on with all his might, signaling he was close.

Hearing a distant click with his keen senses, Suzaku wrenched himself away with a gasp and soaked in the sight of his flushed and panting boyfriend, half-undressed and fully agreeable, violet eyes narrowed but gleaming with emotion. The sight was enough to wipe his mind of everything else.

“You better have a damn good reason for stopping,” Lelouch hissed.

 Suzaku smiled shakily, tried to remember but couldn’t, and offered instead, “I didn’t think you wanted to come on the stairs.”

It was almost comical to see Lelouch whiten as he remembered just where they were fooling around. “Good point,” Lelouch said, a tinge of nervousness tangled in the dry humor. He was being unusually open tonight. “I can’t believe I let us…”

Laughing, Suzaku grabbed him by the hand and pulled him the rest of the way up the stairs, both of them tripping from loose pants but holding each other up. “It’s on both of us,” he reminded Lelouch. “We lose control when we don’t see each other for a while, haven’t you noticed?”

“Maybe you shouldn’t spend so much time away at the military then.”

Suzaku frowned a warning. “Lelouch, don’t start. Tonight’s been perfect. Don’t ruin it.” The air was heavy with anticipation around them, waiting for something to spill. When nothing did after a few long seconds, Suzaku tensed before admitting guiltily, “Actually, I kinda blame them, too.”

Straightening triumphantly, Lelouch crowed, “Ha! See?”

“ _Lelouch!_ ”

-+-

Both teens froze as they stumbled through the door ten seconds later and caught sight of Nunnally at the head of the dining room table. Lelouch jerked back into the door, ashamed at the sheer relief evoked by Nunnally’s blindness. He immediately started straightening out his clothes and hair, noticing his boyfriend do the same out the corner of his eye. His erection was dying down but not gone completely, as was Suzaku’s. Swallowing thickly, he scrambled to bend this uncomfortable situation in his favor as artistically as Nunnally was currently folding some kind of paper animals.

Nunnally looked up when the door opened, halfway through creasing tissue paper. “Oh, welcome home, Lelouch and Suzaku!” She slid her origami aside, visible proof that she’d moved beyond paper cranes. Brow furrowing, she asked, “Are you two all right? You’re breathing heavy. You must’ve been running very fast!”

Suzaku winced.

Lelouch pulled himself together first and said in a tone as polished as the silverware, “Of course. We were just so happy that Madame President let us out, and we were eager to start the weekend.” The sky darkened, ending the day and making the electric lights necessary to function. He sniffed the air and tacked on, “And of course eat some of Sayoko’s delicious dinner.”

Next to him, Suzaku nodded frantically and hid his incriminatingly sticky hands behind his back.

Sayoko carried a platter in from the kitchen, her eyes widening in surprise at the boys’ mussed appearance. “Oh, welcome home, my lords,” she greeted demurely. Making no mention of their rumpled state, she informed them, “You’re just in time for pork chops and green beans.”

Lelouch weakly smiled his thanks and made his way over to the table. He helped Nunnally clean up her origami, making room for the dinner plates Sayoko set down. Suzaku left to wash his hands before returning and hovering awkwardly in the background, clearly wanting to help but not knowing how. Lelouch caught his eye and nodded to a chair, and Suzaku plopped down with a scritch of wood on wood.

Bowing, Sayoko murmured, “I’ll just be cleaning up the kitchen, my lords and lady. Please enjoy your dinner.”

For once, Lelouch didn’t insist that she eat with them as a family; he was actually grateful at her tact to remove herself from an awkward situation. He sat down between his boyfriend and little sister, directing a “Thank you” to the nursemaid as he started cutting up Nunnally’s food. As soon as she was in the kitchen, he breathed a silent sigh of relief and reflected Suzaku’s smile back at him.

“I’m so glad you’re back, Suzaku!” Nunnally exclaimed, jumping right into dinner conversation. “It hasn’t been the same without you around.”

Suzaku’s voice conveyed his grin. “It’s good to be home, Nunnally. We were all ready to be done at Narita.”

Lelouch pushed Nunnally’s plate closer to her and guided her hands to her food. His heart swelled with affection at how his boyfriend had again so casually used the word ‘home,’ making everything feel as light and easy as a cloud on a breeze. Starting on his own plate, he asked, “So you’re completely finished now? You don’t need to go back?”

Suzaku shook his head. “No, we did everything we needed to. My unit got back to base late this morning and we spent part of the afternoon settling back in.” He picked up his fork, always the last to give in to temptation. “Then I had an appointment, and after that I came over here for the Student Council meeting.”

“Now you’re back with us, where you belong,” Lelouch concluded with a satisfied smile.

Suzaku chuckled and speared a bite of pork chop. “Yes, exactly. I have to work tomorrow and Sunday, but the plan is to start school again on Monday.”

Lelouch’s skin prickled with excitement at the news. _That settles it. Once again, Suzaku’s military schedule directly coincides with my major Black Knights operations. I hope this string of good luck continues_ , he thought as he mindlessly ate his dinner, swallowing down plans and wishes alongside his vegetables. For the first time in too long, he felt comfortably satiated.

Nunnally frowned as she chewed. “Oh, you have to go back to work right away?”

“Well, there’s a lot to do now that we’re back. Zero set us behind with what he pulled at Narita,” Suzaku explained gently.

Lelouch shoved a forkful of pork chops into his mouth so he wouldn’t burst into proud, maniacal laughter. Sometimes he had the most impossible of tasks.

His eyes trained on Nunnally, Suzaku added, “And Viceroy Cornelia is furious that Zero beat her, so she’s working every Britannian soldier extra hard to make sure it never happens again.”

Lelouch had to grab a napkin and spit out some of his partially-chewed food so he didn’t keep choking on uncontrollable chuckles.

Nunnally shot him a troubled glance.

“It’s nothing, I’m fine,” Lelouch said, eyes watering, as he waved off his sister’s concern. “Went down the wrong tube, that’s all.” The lie tasted sweet on his tongue.

Suzaku slid him his glass of water, looking at Lelouch with a mix of worry and doubt.

“I’m _fine_ ,” Lelouch insisted, and it was true. He was better than fine. He felt _marvelous_. To address Suzaku’s dubious looks, Lelouch tacked on, “I’m just thrilled Suzaku is back, that’s all.”

Nunnally giggled into her hand, easily accepting the excuse. “Me too. Even though I’m sad you have to go back to work right away, Suzaku, I’m glad for any time you can spare us.”

Slumping a little guiltily in his chair, suitably sidetracked, Suzaku answered, “I’ll always come back here at the first opportunity.”

As Nunnally voiced her delight at that, Lelouch risked a short kiss to convey the same feeling. He pulled back before Suzaku could even respond, and he felt satisfaction spread through him at his boyfriend’s shell-shocked expression. They’d never intentionally kissed where Sayoko could walk in on them at any moment. Lelouch figured at this rate, though, considering her polite non-reaction to their clearly suggestive appearance, it was a safe bet the nursemaid already knew. Maybe she always had. He wouldn’t put it past her. Besides, tonight was for taking gambles.

Suzaku’s lashes fluttered from quick blinks, and he dropped his gaze to Lelouch’s mouth with a hungry expression.

Lelouch bit back his chortles more effectively this time, anticipating his enticing payoff. Drawn in by his boyfriend’s blatant invitation and feeling daring, he struck up a conversation with Nunnally about her classes but focused mostly on slipping his right hand under the table and grabbing at the bulge in his boyfriend’s pants.

As Lelouch predicted, Suzaku dropped his fork with a gasp and his green eyes stretched comically wide. 

“What’s wrong, Suzaku?” Nunnally asked over the clatter.

Licking his lips, Suzaku shook his head and mumbled, “N-nothing. I, uh, just remembered something I was supposed to do.” He shot Lelouch a heated glance.

Smirking, feeling cocksure after reaffirming his Narita victory, Lelouch started to lightly fondle Suzaku’s half-hard arousal through his clothes. The angle felt weird, but Suzaku always managed to fit his hand perfectly. Lelouch smirked, high on life. Confirmation from an inside source that he’d really fucked with Cornelia’s plans, the chance to feel Suzaku up… Lelouch soared, knowing he could emerge triumphant in any venturesome endeavor. His track record had proven that since he’d successfully evaded risks at Narita, then he’d prevail in groping Suzaku under the dinner table.

Suzaku put his own hand on top of Lelouch’s—but instead of removing it from his person, only guided it up and pressed it tighter against himself. He relentlessly pressed his hand on Lelouch’s and went back to eating, raising his eyebrow challengingly at Lelouch as he did so. “So, uh, did those bullies cause any more trouble while I was gone?” he asked, his voice only slightly breathy.

Nunnally cocked her head. “What bullies?” she asked swiftly, interjecting before Lelouch could reply. “You mean people are still being cruel to you, Suzaku?” She frowned gravely and clutched the edge of the table, maybe to ground her shaken perception. “I thought that all changed when you caught Arthur and became a member of the Student Council.”

Lelouch could barely focus on Nunnally, flabbergasted that Suzaku was encouraging his inappropriately wandering hand. It was such a welcome change from Suzaku’s strict, uptight morals. Building on Lelouch’s potential influence, did this obscene permission begin Suzaku’s shift towards Zero? Drooling at the idea, Lelouch pressed and rubbed harder, making his boyfriend bite his lip and shoot him a pleading look. Desperate. Lelouch only glanced away and, still fondling Suzaku, carried on as if nothing illicit was going on under the table: “There are still some Britannians who hate Numbers and take out their feelings on Suzaku.” Duty to Nunnally fulfilled, Lelouch turned back to glazed verdant eyes and answered, “The usual cretins made some rude remarks, but that was about all.”

Suzaku let out a hiss through his teeth and took control of Lelouch’s hand to rub himself how he wanted it. “Th-that’s still not good,” he managed in regards to their conversation, the hitch in his voice implying the opposite in regards to their clandestine lecherous shenanigans. “I’ll h-ah-!-hopefully be here more so I can protect you from any t-…from any trouble. I don’t want them amping it up or anything.”

“Please, Suzaku,” Lelouch said with an indignant sniff and a clever twist of his fingers. “I’m not helpless.”

Suzaku looked away, even as he thrust his crotch into Lelouch’s hand, and explained, “I just don’t want them turning on you because I’m not here to take it. I’d rather they let it out on me, Lelouch.”

“That’s too bad,” Lelouch retorted with a harsh squeeze. “I can handle anything they can dish, you know.”

“That’s really not the point.”

Offended, Lelouch glared and snapped, “And you’re really not getting it, as usual.” He wriggled his hand free from under Suzaku’s and scraped the last of his dinner off his plate. Totally done. Nausea churned in his stomach as he struggled for control.   _Remember, that’s why Suzaku’s starting therapy. Don’t make this worse for him!_

Suzaku was having enough of a hard time as it was.

With a forced smile, Lelouch turned to his sister and with a calmer voice asked, “Nunnally, would you like us to put you to bed tonight?”

Nunnally looked between them—sensing where they were—and said, “It sounds like you two have something to work out.” Tilting her head towards the kitchen, she said, “Sayoko can put me to bed. She was in the middle of telling me a story from the Shinozaki Clan anyway!”

As if hearing her name had been a signal, the nursemaid appeared and started to clear the table. “I’d be happy to put you to bed tonight, Lady Nunnally,” she said. “My lords, I can finish up here.”

Nodding, Lelouch accepted her offer. He bid his sister goodnight, waited while Suzaku did the same, and tugged his frustrated boyfriend down the hall by the hand. “Come, Suzaku,” he said, his tone laced with natural authority. “We have some unfinished business.”

-+-

“Why do I get the feeling you’re not talking about letting us finally come?” Suzaku asked warily, throwing himself back on the bed, propping his head up on crossed arms. “If this is about the bullies thing, then can we please just forget it for tonight?” He kicked off his shoes and bargained, “I won’t bug you about your secretive phone calls either.”

Lelouch blinked and opened his mouth, but then appeared to digest Suzaku’s trade offer. He nodded slowly, tapping his chin. “Very well,” he agreed, looking around his neat bedroom; by the way he relaxed, everything seemed in order. “We can postpone those discussions and just be together tonight.”

Suzaku grinned and opened his arms. “Now you’re getting it,” he quipped, fingers stretching for what had been out of reach. “Come here, my prince.”

Sighing but smiling, Lelouch joined Suzaku in bed. “Let’s get to it then,” he said with a perfected sultry look. “How do you want me tonight?”

Chuckling, Suzaku hugged Lelouch tight. “You know,” he said, rubbing his nose against Lelouch's, “we don’t _need_ to have sex every time we see each other. It’s not about that for me.”

Lelouch pressed another sigh into Suzaku’s neck. “I know,” he said. The room felt hot, and not even the rotating fan had any effect yet. “It’s not about that for me either, but…”

“But you want me,” Suzaku filled in confidently, knowing he'd ace a test about Lelouch. It felt odd to feel completely sure of being desired after so much time spent questioning his mere existence. Odd, but rewarding.

Lelouch nodded against Suzaku’s shoulder, the slight movement gratifying in its own right. “Besides, weren’t you the one just complaining that we needed to come?”

Suzaku’s cheeks heated up at being called out. Somehow, his hypocrisy felt worse when it involved Lelouch. “Uh, y-yeah. I just…I mean, it’s not that I don’t _want_ to. I just don’t want to force it and—”

Lelouch groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Suzaku,” he grumbled, “stop being an idiot.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he tensed. Pulling back, his eyes searched Suzaku’s with open concern. “Sorry, it slipped out.”

Cocking his head, Suzaku asked in total bafflement, “What?”

“I called you an idiot again. When you didn’t really deserve it.” The whir of the ceiling fan accentuated his words.

Suzaku then sniggered outright, unable to control himself. “Lelouch,” he managed between snorts of laughter, “you’ve been calling me an idiot since we were ten. I figured that by now, it was some kind of affectionate pet name you had for me.” He shrugged off his boyfriend’s apology, adding, “You know, something less embarrassing for you than ‘my knight.’ It’s okay.”

Lelouch squirmed, making the bed sheets rustle in the otherwise still air. “Yeah, it was a fond nickname, but…” He looked to the side, biting his lip. Suzaku wanted to take over, but Lelouch grew serious and said, “You told me during one of our fights not to call you that, so I’ve been trying my best to break the habit.” His eyes flicked to Suzaku’s guiltily. “I haven’t always remembered to hold back, but especially after…after learning about your _feelings_ last week—” His voice broke off abruptly, cut by a familiar pain. Taking a deep breath, Lelouch emphasized, “Suzaku, I don’t want you to associate any negative words with me. I won’t be the one to add to your emotional burden. Do you understand?”

Gaping, Suzaku felt a rush of love for the person in his arms. _His care for me shows in everything he does. How did I get so lucky?_ Clearing his throat, he managed to say, “Lelouch, you’re being very thoughtful, but it’s okay. I never thought you meant anything by it.” Fiddling with the pillowcase, he added earnestly, “I was actually wondering why you weren’t calling me an idiot much anymore.”

“Oh,” Lelouch said humbly, blinking away a fraction of regret. “Now you know.”

“I’ve never minded,” Suzaku rushed to reassure him, hoping his words were as healing for his boyfriend as Lelouch’s were for him. “I know you don’t really mean to call me stupid when you say it.” A memory of their first major fight as lovers flashed through his mind, making his foot twitch. He _knew_ when Lelouch meant to hurt.

“But you have minded,” Lelouch remembered tersely.  He nudged his toes against Suzaku’s, proving yet again how he noticed everything. “You told me not to do it.”

Suzaku sighed and wrapped Lelouch closer in his arms. “I barely remember that, to be honest. I must have said it in the heat of the moment.” Suzaku always got himself into trouble when he wasn’t thinking, leading him to overdo recompense in the hopes of atonement. “You can call me an idiot if you want, Lelouch, as long as you don’t abuse it or something.”

Smiling softly, Lelouch shook his head. “No, Suzaku. I’m not going to treat you, my equal—my _lover_ —by constantly calling you a demeaning nickname. You’ve already internalized too many bad habits.”

Suzaku grinned. “Not constantly,” he agreed, ignoring the second part because it was true and what could he say to that anyway? Thinking on the nickname, he added, “But every once in a while, feel free. I kinda miss it—that cute, exasperated tone of voice you reserve just for me, all wrapped up in one childhood pet name…”

“You’re actively asking me to call you an idiot,” Lelouch pointed out with a quirked eyebrow. “Suzaku, I’m very glad you’re starting therapy.”

The air started cooling off. “Look,” Suzaku said, getting up to turn off the overhead lights and double-check that the door was locked, “you calling me an idiot is normal. That’s what I need right now, Lelouch. Didn’t you say you’d always give me what I needed?”

Lelouch narrowed his eyes from his position perched in bed like a lazy prince. “You’re a manipulative bastard.”

“I learned from the best,” Suzaku shot back with a bold wink. He flicked on the small desk lamp across from the bed, giving the room a soft glow fit for their purposes.

Shadows played across Lelouch's face as the ceiling fan spun in circles. “That sounded like a compliment, but I’m sure it wasn’t supposed to be.”

“Because it was a backwards compliment,” Suzaku laughed, crawling back into bed. “Just like we have contrary fond names.” He gave Lelouch a significant look before collapsing next to him, close enough to share breathing space. “Everything about us is unconventional, my prince. Can’t we just keep to what works for us?”

Face contorting with indecision and disapproval, Lelouch tucked a stray curl behind Suzaku's ear. “But I don’t want to degrade you,” he insisted, echoing Suzaku’s argument about using come play and dirty talk in the bedroom.

The bed felt comfortable, crafted into what they made of it. Home. “It’s just a word, Lelouch,” Suzaku snorted.

“Yeah, and words can have derogatory _meanings_ ,” Lelouch argued, polluting the air with example slurs: “Monkey. Trash. Faggot. _Eleven_.”

Suzaku recoiled, a muscle in his cheek twitching, at the listed offensive insults—and thus proved Lelouch’s point. “Idiot doesn’t mean stupid in _our_ code,” he said, trying a more personal angle. “At least where my nickname is concerned.”

Lelouch's jaw went slack. “Your nickname…”

Suzaku pressed closer, seeking cuddles as he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's torso. “Yeah, it’s mine!” he said, claiming it as obviously as he claimed Lelouch. “Don’t take it away from me. I already miss it.” He paused and suggested, “To make us—what was it again?—fair and balanced, why don’t I sometimes call you by _your_ disparaging childhood pet name?”

“Gutter genius?”

“Weakling.”

Lelouch muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes at the reminder. The word ‘weakling’ hit a sore spot with him because of his father’s condemnation during his banishment but—it was different coming from Suzaku. While at first it had been meant as an insult, much like ‘idiot,’ Suzaku’s use of the word ‘weakling’ had slowly morphed into gentle teasing as their friendship evolved. Lelouch could understand better now why Suzaku was trying so hard to hold onto a symbol of a relevant turning point in their relationship, how together they’d taken the bad and turned it good, how they had an inside understanding of what those teasing names truly meant in the context of their shared world. The outside didn’t matter. It had always been that way between them.

“Fine.” Lelouch sighed deeply and gave in, unable to deny the historical significance of the changed perspectives on their journey. “I promise to call you an idiot sometimes _if you want me to._ ”

Suzaku leaned in for a quick kiss, his heart fluttering. “Yes, I do, Lelouch.” It would just feel _right_. And speaking of making things right, Suzaku blurted, “Oh, you know what else I was thinking during the week?” He didn’t wait for Lelouch to guess but barreled on. “We promised that we’d try anal sex both ways to be fair and balanced, but so far I haven’t gotten my turn.” He pouted, his lower lip trembling in a way that paid homage to Lelouch’s own theatrics, and begged, “Can we try it that way tonight?”

Lelouch laughed, slightly mocking, and cupped Suzaku’s cheek. “No, idiot, you’re not ready for my cock.”

It was the exact opposite of what Suzaku had been expecting, but damn did it send a jolt of heat through his body just the same. “Oh, I’m not _ready_?” he asked, voice dangerously low.

“No,” Lelouch assured him, violet eyes twinkling knowingly like the wishing stars they’d once tried to capture. “When was the last time you stretched yourself down there? Engaged in anal play? Gotten used to something being inside your ass?”

Suzaku swallowed, suddenly taken aback. “…Never?”

“Point,” Lelouch said, smirking in that smug, superior way that always got Suzaku’s blood racing in one way or another. He grasped Suzaku’s shoulders and leaned in, lightly traced the outer shell of Suzaku’s ear with his tongue, and whispered naughtily, “But you gave me an excellent idea, my knight.” He shivered in Suzaku’s hold and promised, “I’m going to send you higher than you’ve _ever_ gone.” He lowered his voice to barely audible and slowed down his words for impact as he shared, “I want…I want to fuck your ass with a special sex toy while you fuck me with your cock…”

Instantaneously, every single drop of blood in Suzaku’s body plunged to his groin. He choked on air, feeling buzzed at the mere idea. “Oh my god, Lelouch, you can’t just _say_ things like that,” he moaned. He shuddered and again begged, “Kami-sama, tell me more.” Tugging at Lelouch’s clothes, he shut his eyes and listened as Lelouch murmured directly into his ear a litany of obscene details he was planning for their night. Suzaku almost lost it when he heard “come-coated anal plug.”

-+-

In the time it took for Suzaku to dodge a bullet, they were naked on the bed with a bottle of lubricant and Lelouch’s chosen toy—the smallest and thinnest anal plug from the whole set, perfect for starters.

Suzaku shivered harder as he pulled Lelouch closer to him and kissed him feverishly, devouring his lips. His hands were everywhere on his boyfriend’s body as he tried to control his raging hormones, roaring to life in anticipation of tonight’s new sexual foray. He wrestled Lelouch onto his back—not that the weak Britannian prince was a challenge, but bed tussling was hot as hell for them both—and pinned Lelouch’s hands above his head.

“And then I’m gonna suck it clean,” Lelouch said with another gasp, quivering under Suzaku’s muscled torso. Somehow, despite being the one subdued, he sounded like he was giving a victory speech. “I’m gonna lick it good.”

Lifting himself up, Suzaku stared down at Lelouch’s stirring violet eyes and restrained body. He shivered, letting Lelouch’s plans color his expectations. Without thinking, he teased, “You better watch that tongue of yours, my prince.” Almost out of nowhere, his mind flashed with the last time he’d in reality seen Lelouch held forcibly by the wrist. Heard those words. Sensed a damaging power imbalance.

_“Watch that tongue of yours, Lamperouge,” Corbin was barking as Suzaku raced closer, backing Lelouch up against the bleachers threateningly, cornering the more delicate teen and keeping him restrained by the wrist._

At once, Suzaku felt sick with himself. Arousal fading to be replaced by guilt, he released Lelouch’s wrists and scrambled back. _What am I doing? I’m not like **him**. _

"I know what you're thinking, Suzaku. Stop it." Lelouch frowned in Suzaku’s direction, pushing at his chest to send him sprawling.

Suzaku laughed cautiously from his new spot on the bedroom floor. A small glob of lube sprayed the wooden floorboard, accidentally spilling as it fell off the bed with him; he knew Lelouch would be upset when he noticed that his room was no longer completely spotless. Holding the other's gaze, Suzaku blindly tried to scoop the lube onto his hands. They still had a use for it, after all. "Oh, so you can read minds now?" he asked, going for playful, ducking the pillow that was thrown at him for his cheek.

Lelouch sighed dramatically, folding his arms over his chest. Unfortunately per his intentions, he didn't look imposing at all; in fact, in his vulnerable undressed state, he reinforced the image he detested: fragile.

With a small, upward curve of his lips, Lelouch fondly murmured, " _Your_ mind is so simple an idiot could read it." He held up a hand to ward off any protests, specks of concern floating in his eyes. "Suzaku, listen. I can take care of myself. I don't need you to worry about me or baby me or shelter me or protect me or anything else along those lines you're thinking of doing. I can handle the world, so give me more credit." They both knew his speech was not limited to their activities within the bedroom.

With an apologetic look, Suzaku ignored the teasing to focus on his lover's more serious words. "I don't mean to underestimate you. It's just…I care about you, Lelouch, so it's natural for me to worry. Don't you worry about me? About Nunnally?" Suzaku pressed earnestly, slowly climbing back on the bed. Lelouch didn't push him off this time.

Lelouch blushed a darker red, snapping a harsh, "That's _different_!" in the other's direction.

Suzaku hummed in his throat but didn't press the issue. 'Different,' of course. Lelouch just always had to be difficult. Suzaku leaned forward, dropping a hand on Lelouch's shoulder. "Fine," he acquiesced. "I'll humor you. I can't promise I won't worry, but I'll try to remember that you can handle yourself."

"And now you're mocking me," Lelouch growled, clenching fistfuls of the sheet in his lap. "You don't really believe—" He was interrupted by a hard kiss, quite effectively silencing him. As soon as Suzaku pulled back, he continued as if the disruption never took place, "—that I can take care of myself. Well, let me remind you that I've been doing it for the past seven years—"

"Lelouch, I know that. I just—"

"—Nunnally, too—"

"— I'm sorry, I—"

"—don't need you looking down on me—"

"—I'd never—"

"—need your help," Lelouch finished with a huff.

Suzaku sighed heavily. “I know more than anyone how capable you are,” he placated with a soft as melted chocolate smile. Catching Lelouch’s eye, he paused a solemn heartbeat before reiterating, “That doesn’t stop me from worrying. I love you too damn much, and that’s why I…”

Lelouch’s face scrunched up in thought once he’d stopped pouting. Echoing Suzaku’s tired sigh, he said, “As long as you understand.”

“I do!” Suzaku rushed to say with a quick jerk of his chin. “You don’t want me holding back to protect you because you don’t need protection. I agree with that.”

Lelouch raised an eyebrow.

“I just,” Suzaku urged, “need _you_ to understand…” Leaning closer to his boyfriend’s inquiring look, he said, “I don’t want to be like _them_.”

Lelouch’s eyebrow quirked higher. “Suzaku,” he said incredulously, grasping the implication with ease, “you are _nothing_ like those cruel bastards. Don’t you think I know who you are?”

Turning his head, Suzaku watched his father’s murder play out again on the backs of his eyelids. _No_ , he thought regretfully. _You don’t know me at all, Lelouch_.

“Suzaku?” pressed Lelouch, carding his fingers through Suzaku’s hair.

It felt sensational, enough to draw Suzaku back to the present. “That feels great,” Suzaku said, leaning into Lelouch’s touch and pointedly ignoring the question. When he dared to look at Lelouch, Suzaku’s gaze was a bit unfocused.

Lelouch narrowed his eyes in contemplation, but he thankfully let the subject drop. “This is nothing,” he murmured, his fingers always stroking comfort. It was amazing how they seamlessly traded roles back and forth, becoming whatever the other needed. “I’ll bring you to paradise.”

“I know you will,” Suzaku said, holding up a pinky. Didn’t paradise offer salvation? “I trust you, Lelouch.”

Shoulders relaxing at the weighted vow, Lelouch responded in kind. His eyes searched Suzaku’s face before he exhaled softly and nodded. “Okay,” he said. He held onto Suzaku’s pinky with his for longer than normal before releasing it.

Sensing Lelouch’s need for reassurance, Suzaku crawled forward and leaned in for a desperate kiss.

Lelouch reciprocated with frantic efforts, matching him move for move. Tongue on neck, hand in hair, thigh on cock...

Suzaku didn’t want to pull away, but it had to be done if they were to move on. Wrenching himself away, breathing like he’d run the hard level obstacle course in gym, he asked, “So are we taking a trip to paradise or what?”

Smirking, Lelouch said, “Yes, Suzaku. I’m going to melt your brain.” He pressed the opened lube into his boyfriend’s hands. “You should put your cock in me first. We’re getting pretty good at that part.”

Blushing, Suzaku ducked his head and got to work fingering Lelouch open. It still felt a little peculiar primarily, but it got better each time. Not to mention, they’d had fantastic if awkward experiences. He knew at least part of what awaited them, and it made him impatient to proceed. Heaven was waiting.

-+-

“A-ah, Suzaku, I can’t believe I’m telling you this, but slow down…”

Suzaku pulled his two fingers out. “Sorry, Lelouch. Did I hurt you?”

“J-just a bit,” Lelouch admitted. “You need to let my muscles relax before you push. It’s not like we did this yesterday.”

Suzaku looked at the wall, flinching. He felt Lelouch lightly touch his arm. “I never want to hurt you,” he mumbled. That was the whole point.

Sighing, Lelouch assured him, “You didn’t really. I’m fine. Just go a bit slower now so we can go faster during the real sex, okay?”

Looking Lelouch in the eye, Suzaku nodded and agreed, “Okay.” Slicking one finger with more lube, he tentatively reinserted it into his boyfriend’s puckered entrance. “So,” he said, feeling more upbeat as he slid it gently in and out, “how was your week, my prince?”

“Hell,” Lelouch answered, spreading his legs wider. “I already told you.”

Suzaku snorted. “It couldn’t have been _that_ bad.”

“You weren’t here.”

Suzaku felt his heart skip a beat. “Lelouch,” he sighed, entwining his free hand with his boyfriend’s. Lelouch clasped back before Suzaku’s heart readjusted its rhythm. “I missed you, too,” Suzaku confessed. He gradually added a second lubed-up finger but didn’t start scissoring or stretching yet. “Your phone calls really helped, but they didn’t beat having you with me.”

Lelouch gave him a lopsided smile. “Indeed.”

“I wanted to be with you, and it wasn’t even about this,” Suzaku explained, lightly hooking his fingers and rubbing at the prince’s prostate, causing Lelouch’s hips to buck. “I would have been happy to be by your side anywhere. Oh!” Suzaku remembered darkly, eyes hardening, “What was that about Shirley asking you out?”

Lelouch’s whole body was trembling from the ongoing stimulation, and his violet eyes were starting to glaze over from pleasure. They still widened in surprise at Suzaku’s question. “I’d forgotten about that,” Lelouch admitted raspily. “It was a couple weeks ago. She asked me to go with her to the opera.”

Suzaku glared at the pillow, his fingers flexing around Lelouch’s. A low growl escaped the back of his throat. His other fingers rubbed a little harder at Lelouch’s pleasure-center, his blood roaring. _Lelouch is mine_.

Lelouch’s eyes glinted with mischief despite the overwhelming erotic attention. “I went with her and we had sex on the stage afterwards. Obviously.”

Suzaku’s eyes snapped back to Lelouch’s, horrified. “What?!” His fingers stilled out of disturbed shock.

“Oh my god, Suzaku, you are too easy,” Lelouch mocked. “I turned her down, idiot. Why would you believe something so ridiculous?” He reached down and grabbed the base of Suzaku’s fingers sticking out of him, manually guiding his lover to start pumping those fingers in and out again. Eyes twinkling once more, Lelouch pressed, “You’re truly jealous, aren’t you?”

“No!” Suzaku said in a rush. At Lelouch’s carefully raised eyebrow, he relented, “Well, maybe. Shirley _is_ a great person, Lelouch, so…” His heart raced. His cock twitched as he watched Lelouch push and pull his hand, opening himself up and just using Suzaku as a tool of choice. 

Lelouch sighed. “She is a wonderful girl who deserves someone who can love her with all his heart, just as I love you.”

Suzaku stared at him, feeling heat spread throughout his body. “I…I love you, too. And you get on _my_ case for being sappy?”

“Shut up!” Blushing, Lelouch lifted his hips a smidgeon. “Don’t you need to stretch me a bit now? I’m relaxed. Suzaku, I can’t spread your fingers apart up there for you.”

Shaking his head at his boyfriend’s antics, Suzaku started stretching Lelouch open. “Trying to distract me, I see, Lelouch, but I’ll remember you have a heart under all that ice you show the rest of the world.” He pulled out his fingers to add some more lube. “Of course, I already knew it was there, but now I’ve gotten a closer look.”

Rolling his eyes, Lelouch haughtily patted the back of Suzaku’s hand. “You can’t prove anything,” he said, voice challenging. His eyes turned playful. “Anyway, I’m glad you’re jealous,” he continued gleefully. “You _should_ want me enough to fight for me. A few months ago, you’d have just stepped aside of your own free will so she could have me, and then all three of us would have turned out miserable. In fact, I remember you trying to do that one time.”

Confusion clouded Suzaku’s features as he tilted his head. “I did?” He slowly added a third finger and continued what was progressively becoming habit.

“Yeah,” Lelouch recalled aloud. “I was playing myself in chess and trying to bait you into confessing your love for me.”

“I remember now,” Suzaku said, narrowing his eyes. He slid all three fingers in as far as he could before starting to spread them apart for a bigger stretch. Annoyed, he asked, “Wait, you were trying to _bait_ me?”

Lelouch cocked his head in a taunting manner. “I believe that’s what I said, yes.”

“So instead of just confessing your own feelings, you decided to coax me to admit mine first?”

Nodding, Lelouch said shamelessly, “My plan was more fun. And less risky.”

“I should have known,” Suzaku said with a slight cluck of his tongue. “I guess it doesn’t matter. We ended up together anyway.” He pulled all his fingers out. “I think you’re ready, but you tell me.”

Snorting, Lelouch assured, “My plans always yield the desired results. Case in point, yes, I’m ready. I told you what to do, you did it, and now I’m okay to move on.”

Suzaku raised an eyebrow, exaggeratedly mirroring his boyfriend’s mannerisms. “Oh really? Your _plans_ , huh?”

“Yes, really. And don’t you forget it.”

Breaking into laughter, Suzaku promised, “Yes, my prince.” He delighted in Lelouch’s slight blush at the endearment, even after so many months of closeness. His heart warmed every time he was privy to Lelouch’s hidden softer side. It made Suzaku want to please him, to feel even close to being worthy of his prince. “What is our next step, Master Planner?”

Lelouch scowled at the teasing title and blindly groped under his mattress. “It’s a surprise,” he said cryptically. Before Suzaku could even wonder, Lelouch retaliated by flinging a package at his chest.

Reaching for the package where it had bounced onto the bed, Suzaku jerked back a bit. “Condoms?” he read aloud with dread. Panic and regret flooded over him, reminding him of feeling cornered in battle. “Kuso, Lelouch, we forgot all the other times!”

Lelouch shrugged, deeming it unimportant. “I know, but that’s no reason to _keep_ not using them.” There were always ways to improve.

“I agree,” Suzaku said with a quick nod. “It’s never too late to practice safe sex.” He ripped open the package with a hesitant smile and struggled to put on the condom, not knowing which way it went. “Good catch this time, Lelouch,” he added as he struggled in vain. Lelouch sat up to help—and they both floundered because for all his research, Lelouch was even more clueless than Suzaku when it came to condoms. They finally got something that looked right, possibly, and Suzaku started lubing it up. “Huh. Feels weird to have a barrier,” he muttered. He didn’t want there to be anything between them.

“You’ll get used to it,” Lelouch said, not so much waving it off as trying to console. He lay back down and opened his legs, impatient for the next part of their process. “Quickly. Before my muscles tighten up again.”

Chuckling, Suzaku argued, “Lelouch, you’re not going to stiffen up that fast.” He started slowly pushing inside, checking Lelouch’s face and taking cues from it, as always, about when to move forward. “O-oh, Lelouch, maybe I was wrong. You’re already so tight!”

Lelouch thrashed his head from side to side, letting out broken groans. “You’re okay, Suzaku. Is it…is it still good? Even with the condom?” His hands swept up and down Suzaku’s back, providing more comfort than his interpretably dismissive words earlier.

Suzaku nodded, sweat dotting his forehead. “Y-yes, Lelouch, always. Is it okay for you?”

Lelouch jerked his head up and down, perspiring significantly more than Suzaku. “It’s still you inside me. We’re just following a slightly different plan tonight.”

Suzaku smiled and stayed silent until he inched himself all the way in. As he waited for Lelouch to adjust, he grasped Lelouch’s hand and said thoughtfully, “You know, your plans don’t _always_ work.”

Lelouch blinked and lifted his head off the pillow, mock-outraged. “What do you mean, ‘don’t always’?”

“Your ideas to handle Worth and his friends weren’t all that great,” Suzaku argued lightly. He tried a slight thrust, resulting in Lelouch gasping instead of retorting right away. Pressing his opportunity, Suzaku added, “You wanted me to give them ‘a good ass-kicking’ if I remember correctly. That method wouldn’t change anything in the long-run. People like Worth need—”

Lelouch scowled and pushed back against his boyfriend’s cock. “—Suzaku,” he groaned exasperatedly, “I don’t want to think about Synclair Worth or any of those other bastards when we’re having _sex_.”

“Oh, sorry Lelouch,” Suzaku apologized, quickening his movements. The mattress started squeaking with every forward momentum. “So anyway, I got through to Chloe Beck my way—”

“—Suzaku!” Lelouch said through gritted teeth. The headboard slats jangled after every squeak, adding a music to their rhythm. “I don’t want to think about _anyone_ else when we’re having sex.”

Suzaku nodded. Tingles of pleasure swept through him as he continuously surged in and out of his lover. Squeak, jangle, creak, groan. He savored Lelouch’s enraptured expressions when he nailed something just right, proud that his efforts yielded success. He leaned down for some mind-blowing kisses, tuning out the noisy bed because Lelouch’s encouraging moans were liquid honey in his ears, and shared afterwards, “I just meant that _my_ way worked that time, not yours.”

“My way _would_ have worked,” Lelouch grumbled petulantly, giving himself completely over to Suzaku’s mercy. “Sometimes subjectively wrong methods lead to victory.”

Suzaku snorted into Lelouch’s shoulder, his giddiness intensifying at how comfortable they were now to joke and talk philosophy during sex. The mattress continued to squeak, adding a backdrop of noise to the atmosphere. “I think we’re just going to have to agree to disagree on that,” he said blithely, squeezing Lelouch’s hand in his. He thrust hard, making Lelouch’s mouth drop open in pleasure.

“A-ah, Suzaku,” Lelouch moaned when he could catch a rattling breath. The expression on his face turned thoughtful as he silently mouthed ‘agree to disagree,’ as if analyzing it for holes he could plug. “Suzaku,” he suddenly declared, “that is the sexiest response you could ever give.”

That pulled a laugh from Suzaku, halting his progress of fucking Lelouch into the musical mattress—using all the right methods, apparently. “You’re strange,” he told his boyfriend, puzzled but accepting. Maybe he was just screwing Lelouch silly, which was a commendable feat considering Lelouch’s superior mental faculties. Pride bubbled up Suzaku’s chest as he picked up where he’d left off. “We’re allowed to have different views, you know.”

Lelouch nodded—or maybe it was just the rapid push-and-pull rippling over his body from getting soundly fucked. “Y—eah,” he said, voice breaking. “I know, b—ut…” His face sobered, looking entirely too serious for someone getting his prostate pounded.

“I still love you,” Suzaku said, his tender tone rounding out the rough pace of his thrusts. “Even when we believe in different things.”

Eyes widening, Lelouch nodded. “I’ll hold you to that.”

“Consider me held,” Suzaku laughed, pitching forward and savoring the way Lelouch’s inner walls clamped down around his cock. The friction between them escalated but their connection never broke. Sweat and tears of overstimulation saturated the bed sheets, always twisting in different directions as one or the other of them moved but ultimately entangling them in a cluster of limbs and soft Egyptian cotton. The way they pushed together unlocked new heights of delicious pleasure and possibilities, reminding Suzaku of the plan they’d fashioned—and had yet to enact.

Lelouch whimpered his displeasure as Suzaku slowed and eventually stilled. “Wh—what?”

Suzaku smiled and shifted, his cock still buried in Lelouch. “I want you to put the toy in me now, but I don’t think I should be thrusting for this part,” he joked.

“Certainly not,” Lelouch agreed in all seriousness, his brilliant brain sparking to life as he caught on. He carefully pressed the tip of the plug between his boyfriend’s ass cheeks and prudently felt around for the hole. “Doing okay?” he asked, turning to stare into Suzaku’s glazed eyes. “If you don’t want this, tell me now.”

Suzaku chuckled, feeling strengthened by Lelouch’s consideration. “It’s—a little weird, but, like the condom, I think I can get used to it. I want you to keep going, Lelouch.” Sweat covered his body and his heart pounded faster than ever. He swallowed, tensing despite himself. “Maybe it would help if you kissed me.”

Lelouch obliged, licking into his mouth and using his tongue in all the ways he’d learned to melt Suzaku into a puddle. While Suzaku was distracted, Lelouch slowly nudged the toy inside. He stopped after only a tiny portion was inside, clearly wanting to give Suzaku time to adjust. When Suzaku moaned encouragement into his mouth, he started pushing again, always slow, cautious, and attentive to any resistance.

“O-oooohhhhh, Lelouch,” Suzaku moaned, breaking off from the kiss and gasping. “It feels—it feels—I mean, the pressure is—I’m okay with the pressure—ah, I’m feeling so full—”

Chuckling, eyes bright, Lelouch sassily snorted, “ _Definitely_ not ready for my cock.” He started to slide the tip of the plug in and out. “This is the smallest, thinnest toy I have and it’s nowhere near the size of a real erection. I remember my first time with it, though. I felt the same. Your body will learn.”

Still panting for air around impassioned cries, Suzaku dropped his head on Lelouch’s shoulder and shuddered violently. “Being full and…being so deep inside you…the friction…” A droplet of sweat slid off the tip of his nose, splashing to mingle with the perspiration dripping from Lelouch’s own skin. “It’s too much, Lelouch. I’m gonna come any moment.” He felt even more excited when he remembered, _This same toy that’s inside me now has been inside Lelouch_.

“Wait for it,” Lelouch baited, his tone superior. “You haven’t even felt the best part yet.”

Just as he said it, Suzaku felt the toy inside him brush something super sensitive, causing electricity to pulse throughout every nerve in his body. Wailing at the intense pleasure, he snapped his own hips forward as a knee-jerk reaction, making Lelouch gasp and clench around him. He was still shaking as he came back to himself, but he’d miraculously managed not to come. “Fuck, Lelouch,” he groaned. “That was…”

“Trust me, I know,” Lelouch said into his sweaty hair.

Suzaku pressed sloppy kisses against his prince’s shoulder and neck in gratitude. “I won’t last another one,” he confessed. After calming down a bit to keep from going over the edge, thinking of how lucky he was to have the boyfriend he did, he started bucking into Lelouch again, feeling his own ass clench around the plug and keep it inside him. He caressed his prince all over—his face, his neck, his chest, his arms—and Lelouch returned the favor by touching Suzaku all over, everywhere he could reach. Suzaku felt a renewed sense of desperate desire as he kept driving into his boyfriend, feeling Lelouch’s reach dip deep into his heart. Voice wobbly, he said, “Scream for me, Lelouch. Scream my name.”

Lelouch licked the salty sweat off Suzaku’s shoulder and lifted his head to the ceiling, mouth open in a silent shriek until one pointed thrust loosed his voice and his wail echoed off all the walls at an ear-splitting volume: “SUUUUUUUUUUUUZAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH-KUUUUUUUUUUU!!!”

Suzaku’s head lolled back, eyes rolling in the back of his head, and he convulsed in Lelouch’s arms. Lelouch always _had_ been a master at words. “God, Lelouch, yes,” Suzaku moaned, grasping for the echoes of his name. There was just something so primal and satisfying about making his refined, collected lover come undone and scream his name in the throes of passion. “Please, do it again…” Determined, Suzaku repeated his last thrust, drinking in the way Lelouch’s body snapped in response like a stiffening slash harken cable stretched too far.

Lelouch smirked faintly, kissed his neck, and then yowled Suzaku’s name like it was his key to salvation: “SuuuZAAAAAAkkkkuuuuUUUU, SUUUUzaaaaaaKUUUUU, SU-ZA-KU!!” his deep voice pitching louder and softer in time with Suzaku’s thrusts. After those last three plunges, he bit deep into Suzaku’s shoulder and rode out a fierce orgasm. As he quivered through it, he timed his next move just right and rammed the anal plug deep inside his lover—

—causing Suzaku to join him in euphoria.

Suzaku cried out something that may have been Lelouch’s name in gibberish as the intense fire coiling in his belly snapped loose. His brain liquefied and melted into pure pleased goop, just as Lelouch had predicted. Suzaku’s vision went white, and he trembled in his lover’s embrace as wave after wave of ardent satisfaction coursed through his frame. He pressed his forehead into Lelouch’s shoulder in turn and whined as his lover’s warm essence coated their chests, sticky and satisfying. It felt like an eternity before he and his prince went limp and boneless in each other’s hold, Lelouch’s teeth mindlessly detaching from Suzaku’s skin as he sank down, dazed and disoriented.

“Oh, Suzaku,” Lelouch moaned softly, and somehow his impassioned gratification and low affection pierced right into the middle of Suzaku’s heart like his lurid screams didn’t manage.

Suzaku followed his lover down, buzzed and sated. “Lelouch.”

With a blissful sigh, Lelouch woozily wriggled closer and pressed easy kisses into Suzaku’s body wherever his lips could reach—across his shoulder, up and down his neck, against brown hair, against his cheeks and forehead and nose and lips.

Turning into the kisses, Suzaku pressed back heartily and wrapped his lover in a tight hold. His eyelids slipped closed, and he inhaled when he felt Lelouch gently pry the sex toy free. “That was…”

“Trust me,” Lelouch repeated himself, his tone matching in rapture. “I know.” Perking up, he waited until Suzaku stared at him in adoration before sweeping some of his own ejaculate off his abdomen with the used anal plug. Deviously smirking, he made a show of licking it spotless, just as he’d promised. “Mmm,” he moaned, amping it up for Suzaku’s benefit. Looking at him now, Suzaku couldn't believe this was the same virginal boy who’d squawked at the idea of swallowing. “My come and your ass, Suzaku. Exquisite.”

Naturally, Suzaku had to lean down and taste for himself. As always, Lelouch wasn’t wrong. They made everything perfect together, just by the sheer fact that it was _them_. Then, grinning weakly, Suzaku roused himself and pulled free of Lelouch. Looking down, he winced as a wave of nervousness crested over some lingering ecstasy. With an uneasy laugh, he informed his boyfriend, “So, uh, our condom broke.”

Lelouch’s nose wrinkled before he brightened with a beaming smile. “Well,” he decided, “next time.”

“Next time,” Suzaku confirmed as he relaxed once more into delivered paradise, casting his beloved boyfriend another dazzled smile.

-+-

Lelouch savored the afterglow high, tangling his legs with Suzaku’s under the covers and holding him tight. He relished his boyfriend’s even breathing, taking comfort in Suzaku’s powerful, steadying presence. Lelouch grinned, remembering how successful the Black Knights had been at Narita after his and Suzaku’s amorous first time. _I should have sex with Suzaku right before every crucial Black Knights mission_ , Lelouch resolved, attributing that major achievement at least in part to the indomitable feeling persisting from the intimate experience. He’d decide how much of his secrets to share with Suzaku as he’d promised after this weekend’s operation was completed, tackling one issue at a time. _Prevailing_ against each problem at a time.

Zero smirked _. There’s no way my weekend mission against that problematic White Knightmare will fail_ _now_.

Suzaku had seen to that.

Lelouch’s smirk softened into a genuine smile, lost in shadow but undeniably present, as he further reflected. More than anything worth noting, Suzaku had touched his whole life in a way incomparable. He’d grown from an instant enemy to a grudging friend; from a reluctant friend to his best and first real friend ever, even spanning beyond their seven-year separation; from his best friend to a devoted lover. He truly meant everything to Lelouch by this point. They’d had their ups and downs and had grown exceedingly closer throughout both. By continuing to love one another despite the problems, they’d triumphed (or were in the middle of overcoming) social prejudices, divisive secrets and miscommunications, debilitating mental health issues, and their own stupid mistakes along the way.

Out of anything in the world they could do together, they’d built a fair and balanced relationship worth lasting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -END PREQUEL-
> 
> A/N: Together, they’d built a relationship worth blackmailing. /shot (I'VE BEEN WAITING A YEAR AND 18 CHAPTERS TO USE THAT TITLE PUN. !!!!!)
> 
> Anyway, then _Blackmail_ happens.
> 
> One word: killjoy.
> 
> But if you’d like to imagine everything stays all lovey-dovey and none of those issues ever boil to a head beyond what’s already happened, that is acceptable. :D

**Author's Note:**

> Any and all feedback would be greatly appreciated. <3


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